Mary Poppins Returns
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Not meow, not ever.
Not meow, not ever.
All Critics (70)
| Top Critics (13)
| Fresh (10)
| Rotten (60)
The script is stupid and debasing, subjecting the tycoon to numerous cat-piss and emasculation jokes after he turns into "Mister Fuzzypants."
It's not that Nine Lives is terrible. It's just that it's not terrible enough.
A Frankenstein's monster of Hollywood's worst instincts, a movie made with a math formula where its vision should have been. The fact of the matter is that you're going to need nine wines to endure "Nine Lives."
The cast member you really feel bad for is the cat.
Family audiences should not be fooled. This witless talking cat movie needs to go out with the kitty litter.
Let's just say I have been to wakes that have elicited more laughs.
Every once in a while, a movie comes along that makes you scratch your head and ask yourself, "What were they thinking?" Nine Lives is one of those movies.
It's offensive how the film treats animals as disposable and replaceable instead of beloved members of the family.
Sadly, the adult participants in Nine Lives need to have their SAG cards revoked. Not since 1993's 'Look Who's Talking Now' has voiceover critters been so relentlessly annoying.
Who in their right mind greenlit this?
Nine Lives isn't purrfect, but it will warm the heart of anyone who isn't allergic to its charms.
The film seems recycled but strangely missing any sustainable humor, even by kids' standards, which are pretty loose because laugher is an easy reach for them.
Have Barry Sonnenfeld and Kevin Spacey's careers fallen to such a point that they really need to sign on to do movies like this? Sonnenfeld doesn't have the best track record, but he's still got some solid movies in his filmography. And don't even get me started on Spacey. Spacey isn't an A-lister, and I mean someone at a Chris Pratt level, but he also isn't starving to death due to the fact that he can't get roles. Spacey has had a good career and I'm quite perplexed as to why he even agreed to this. I will say this, Spacey is perfect at the asshole boss/CEO-type character. Watch Swimming with Sharks and Horrible Bosses for how incredible he is at that type of role. But he's also the type of actor, where if he's not fully invested in the script, he completely phones it in. Watch Father of Invention for proof of this. I didn't even finish watching that movie it was so boring. With all of that said, this is never nearly as bad as one would reasonably expect given its concept. It's still bad, for sure, and this is really just an excuse to feature an adorable cat doing silly shit. This is like if cat videos were made into a movie with, barely, a semblance of a plot. If you hated movies like 'Look Who's Talking', 'Look Who's Talking Now Too' and 'Look Who's Talking Now' (a shit trilogy if ever there was one) then you're gonna hate this movie. That's just the way it's gonna be. And this is the type of movie that just wants to appeal to the lowest common denominator of people who love harmless family films that they can watch with their kids. Something silly that they can all watch together. They don't really demand much from their films and this is the type of nonsense that they are fed because of the fact that, sadly, there's an audience for that. There might not be an audience for that on the big screen anymore, but a direct-to-video family crowd will eat this up. The film's story is pretty much exactly what you would expect. Tom Brand (Spacey) is this asshole CEO of his own company. He doesn't respect his son (who works with him in a shitty office), he forgets his daughter's birthday and doesn't know what she likes, so he has a meeting with his employees in order to figure out what he should get for her birthday. He neglects his wife, but not as much as you would think. So it's basically what you would expect. He is turned into a cat by this mysterious man, Perkins, who owns a cat store he calls Purrkins (in one of the film's "cleverest" jokes) in order to make him realize what's really important in life and how he has treated his family throughout the years. Trite, generic and predictable stuff right here. I don't necessarily have a problem with the concept as much as I do the execution of it. But this is the type of movie where, unless you really fucking care, you're not really gonna make much of an effort to write a great movie. And you know why you're not gonna try? Because you don't really need to. There's a low ceiling for a film like this. It might be a hit, on DVD, with families, but it's something that they are gonna forget within a week, when the next Pixar movie, or something else far more important, comes out. The next David Mamet is not gonna be discovered from a film like this, that's just the way it is. Which is why these films play out the way they often do. These are unimportant films and those are the kinds of films where laziness is king. Their film isn't really gonna make an impact, so what's the point? I'm going hard on this angle, but that's just the truth of the matter. That's not to say that the movie doesn't have its moments or that it's downright awful, because it does and it's not. The problem is that those very few moments are only worth chuckles and not real, legit laughter. Kevin Spacey is phoning in his performance, for sure, but he's doing a better job at hiding that he's phoning it in. Jennifer Garner is there and deserves better. So does Christopher Walken, but he's one of the few appealing characters in the entire film. I don't know what else to say quite frankly. This is still a very bad movie by anyone's standards, but it's not the end-all, be-all of awful movies. That award would still go to The Room. Even though The Room is worse, by a goddamn country mile, I still got more enjoyment from than from this movie. That should tell you something. Not recommended.
Yes it isn't very good, yes it's a predictable and not so very good storyline but it's still a heart warming and amusing movie!
Una terrible revoltura de historias con una pésima dirección y terriblemente actuada por parte Kevin Spacy y Jennifer Garner.
Nine Lives struggles to have a peacefully-made plot about an average person who turns into a cat, which is totally not a cliché, am I right? (sarcasm) What Nine Lives is trying to do is live its nine lives as clichés everyone have seen before. Kids can easily see this and love it because they're just kids. They'll learn to know the movie's flaws once they grow up. In short, Nine Lives goes straight to the litter box.
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