Ninja Terminator - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

Ninja Terminator Reviews

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March 1, 2017
[[ SPOILERS!!]]

There's almost no way to review the movie Ninja Terminator because it makes no F**king sense. There is a reason for that though, and because two completely unrelated movies were spliced together and voice dubbed to create the weirdest, worst, yet at times badass martial arts movies.

There is the Ninja Terminator story which is garbage, there's a golden statue that has 3 pieces. When the pieces are combined he holder becomes impervious even to samurai swords. Theres a red ninja who you never find out their name and 3 black ninjas. 2 of the black ninjas are middle aged white guys and the third is japanese??? Japanese Ninja ( named Tomashi) gets killed by red ninja and then the splicing begins.

Red Ninjas call up a Yakuza in another movie to kidnap the Tomashis sister as random so the two middle-aged white ninjas will give up their piece of the statue. So Harry McQueen( Richard Harrison A.K.A middles aged white guy ninja) calls a private eye and overall badass in the other movie named Jaguar Wong ( Jack Lam) to help rescue Tomashis sister.

Jaguar Wong is awesome and had it only been his movie it would've been really cool. Instead you go back and forth Jaguar Wong fight, red ninja breaks into Harry McQueen's house, Jaguar Wong fight, red ninja breaks into other middle-aged ninjas house, Jaguar Wong fight etc. until Jaguar Wong rescues Tomashis sister from one of the most ridiculous looking villains ever Tiger Chan a Yakuza who dresses normal, business suit, gloves, nice tie but then there is this bizarre blonde Bob haircut wig which is so ludicrous you can't help but double over in laughter Everytime it's on-screen. Tiger Chan's death is as ridiculous as his wig too as he somehow jumps down with enough force that he gets sticks waist deep in sand and Jaguar Wong kicks him to death.... Maybe death he might've just beat him up.

Oh I didn't forget about the other story going on. Red Ninja challenges both middle-aged ninjas to a showdown. In preparation all three ninjas are testing swords on themselves and they're all invincible; which is Bulls**t because it's already been established that all three pieces are needed. If you're invincible with the one piece who gives a s**t about the other two. ((Deep breath.....Deep breath)).

Dumb five minute fight happens, middle-aged ninja who's name I never learned bites the dust because for some reason they become uninvincible during the fight( not explained). Harry McQueen holds the full gulden ninja statue and the red ninja blows himself up. End. Credits.

What you just read was more coherent t than what I actually saw because I've left out other major continuity problems. Sooooo much reusing footage Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! I've never had a movie leave me speechless but Ninja Terminator did it. Do I recommend it? If you want to feel like youve had the men in black memory swipe, this is the movie for you. But if you watch on YouTube and just skip to the Jaguar Wong parts you'll enjoy yourself. I don't know what to make of this movie.

2/5?
½ June 24, 2016
Funniest thing that has ever existed period.
March 27, 2014
(33%)
One of the funnier Godfrey Ho movies that really does border on out-and-out comedy with its Garfield phone, silly wigs, a toy robot messenger, incomprehensible plot, very choppy editing, awful dubbing and in the version I saw really bad (and very funny) issues concerning framing resulting in entire characters being completely cut out of shot (pan and scan to blame I'm guessing). If you enjoy Mr Ho's unique brand of movies then this is a must watch, but everyone else should stay well away from this wreak of movie.
March 25, 2014
Wow nothing to says about this! I never seen more funny and weird scene ever. The cast is unbelivebale and it's hilarious!
½ December 8, 2013
This movie is funny for all the wrong reasons. The director manages to get a Garfield phone and a Pink Floyd song in the movie. Ninja Terminator is absurd greatness
½ December 8, 2013
This is one of the best Ninja movies I have seen! It even has a Pink Floyd song on the soundtrack!
½ August 29, 2013
"Godfrey Ho (cut 'n paste Ninja "auteur") and Richard Harrison (embarrassed star) strike again in a flick which manages to be even worse than "Ninja Thunderbolt". Judging by the two movies (and a whole host of others from the era), Ho seems to favour the "lets sellotape two unrelated ninja movies together and put it out" technique of film-making. One tale involves Harrison and his quest to find a ludicrously cheap-looking statue that'll grant him powers to become the "Supreme Ninja". The other features intrepid 'tec Jaguar Wong (stop giggling) fighting endless baddies trying to rescue an ex-ninja's sister, kidnapped by party-wig-wearing drug lord Tiger Chang. So far, so guff. To be fair, this movie may suffer from having the lowest special-effects budget of all time. Check out the children's toy robot used as the hilariously unthreatening "Ninja Messenger". However, such fiscal drawbacks are used to create some hilarious quirks for the characters, as well as some moments of complete insanity. Harrison- playing Ninja Master Harry (you'll be glad to hear theres also a Ninja Master Barry) sports not only a s**tload of mascara and a natty camouflage ninja suit, but also an amazing tennis suit (when he's working out in non-ninja guise) which must be seen to be believed. And naturally, he possesses the ability not only to change from civvies to ninja attire in a puff of smoke, but also the swordskills to defeat any watermelons standing in the way of his mission. Ninja Master Harry is so tough he doesn't even flinch when he receives death threats over his novelty "Garfield" phone. The other, "Jaguar" part of the movie contains one of the genres most feeble and pointless reasonings behind a punch-up. Ice-cool Jaguar asks a not-too friendly looking gang for directions to a restaurant. Mayhem ensues; Jaguar casually battering the thugs to a pulp before tersely demanding "Where is the restaurant?!" prompting the baddie to point- the cameraman panning to reveal said eaterie about two doors down from the fight. Had me in stitches for quite a wee while. Other highlights include Harrison's girlfriend struggling with live "drunken" crabs in the kitchen (as he grimaces, admirably straight-faced in the next room), possibly the least sexy sex scene ever filmed, dodgy dubbing of the highest order (even though large portions of the dialogue are obviously voiced in English) and a chubby red ninja who bears an uncanny likeness to Ozzy Osbourne inexplicably exploding behind Harrison in the film's final shot. Seen on medication, "Ninja Terminator" could be life affirming.
½ January 14, 2013
it was so eighties that it felt like I was watch a video cassette. a bit cheesy
June 20, 2012
this one seems interesting i'd like to see if its good
May 28, 2012
"Ninja Terminator" is a truly horrifically bad movie - it is so godawful that it is entertaining to a peak. This demonstrates why I believe this rating system should be cut up by a ninja.
April 6, 2012
While it's CLEARLY a bad movie, it's actually pretty quickly paced and things like the Garfield Phone are fun enough to hold my attention for the whole film.
January 7, 2012
Watching this film makes me wish I had a Garfield phone.
November 27, 2011
One of the worst ninja films you will ever see. That's why you should see it.
DragonEyeMorrison
Super Reviewer
August 8, 2011
THE NINJER EMPIRE IS EVIL!
½ May 2, 2010
May be the best "movie" Godfrey Ho has ever chopped together. Pretty terrible, but still kind of funny.
April 6, 2010
This deserves one star for making me laugh.....but ultimately is was terrible. XD
March 20, 2010
Extra points for unintentional comedy value..:)
January 17, 2010
Was expecting a more fantasy ninja movie. This was set in the 80s but the action was top notch, i loved the american ninjas with those 80s mustaches.
½ October 17, 2009
It is soooooooooo fuckin epically brilliant!!!!
The main lads real name is Bruce Stallion and he is frickin class the plot is pointless except to say that there's one lad called Jaguar1 who spends his time gettin into fights for no reason - like he'll walk up to a group of lads and ask them where the nearest diner is and they'll tell him they dont like his sort eating around here - and then they'll just fight for no fuckin reason!
Tis Class!!!! You can pick Ninja Terminator up in any secondhand buy and sell shop - its always there -seriously like, look if you dont believe me and its well worth the 3 quid for laughability.
Oh yeah and theres like a killer kids robot thing too but i dont wanna say too much in case i spoil it. Brilliant. A Must See.
August 25, 2009
Logic failure hilariousness ensues.
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