"Godfrey Ho (cut 'n paste Ninja "auteur") and Richard Harrison (embarrassed star) strike again in a flick which manages to be even worse than "Ninja Thunderbolt". Judging by the two movies (and a whole host of others from the era), Ho seems to favour the "lets sellotape two unrelated ninja movies together and put it out" technique of film-making. One tale involves Harrison and his quest to find a ludicrously cheap-looking statue that'll grant him powers to become the "Supreme Ninja". The other features intrepid 'tec Jaguar Wong (stop giggling) fighting endless baddies trying to rescue an ex-ninja's sister, kidnapped by party-wig-wearing drug lord Tiger Chang. So far, so guff. To be fair, this movie may suffer from having the lowest special-effects budget of all time. Check out the children's toy robot used as the hilariously unthreatening "Ninja Messenger". However, such fiscal drawbacks are used to create some hilarious quirks for the characters, as well as some moments of complete insanity. Harrison- playing Ninja Master Harry (you'll be glad to hear theres also a Ninja Master Barry) sports not only a s**tload of mascara and a natty camouflage ninja suit, but also an amazing tennis suit (when he's working out in non-ninja guise) which must be seen to be believed. And naturally, he possesses the ability not only to change from civvies to ninja attire in a puff of smoke, but also the swordskills to defeat any watermelons standing in the way of his mission. Ninja Master Harry is so tough he doesn't even flinch when he receives death threats over his novelty "Garfield" phone. The other, "Jaguar" part of the movie contains one of the genres most feeble and pointless reasonings behind a punch-up. Ice-cool Jaguar asks a not-too friendly looking gang for directions to a restaurant. Mayhem ensues; Jaguar casually battering the thugs to a pulp before tersely demanding "Where is the restaurant?!" prompting the baddie to point- the cameraman panning to reveal said eaterie about two doors down from the fight. Had me in stitches for quite a wee while. Other highlights include Harrison's girlfriend struggling with live "drunken" crabs in the kitchen (as he grimaces, admirably straight-faced in the next room), possibly the least sexy sex scene ever filmed, dodgy dubbing of the highest order (even though large portions of the dialogue are obviously voiced in English) and a chubby red ninja who bears an uncanny likeness to Ozzy Osbourne inexplicably exploding behind Harrison in the film's final shot. Seen on medication, "Ninja Terminator" could be life affirming.