Nude Nuns With Big Guns - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

Nude Nuns With Big Guns Reviews

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June 21, 2016
Is someone really going to tell me Robert Rodriguez and Tarantino are heads and shoulders above this director?! All the sycophantic sheep just keep on following the herd into pseudo intellectual dream land. Not only is it well shot using FILM in good lighting so you can actually see everything, the acting is even good. Better yet, far more sex and nudity and good looking women. Right up there with I Spit On Your Grave type revenge flicks. So if you hate the Church, sinners and drug dealers, this fun fest is for you.
September 4, 2014
Nude Nuns with Big Guns (Joseph Guzman, 2010)

Now don't get me wrong. It's not like I didn't know what I was getting into when I started watching a movie called Nude Nuns with Big Guns. It would be kind of hard not to; the title is about as descriptive as they come. And if you go into it expecting nothing but nude nuns with big guns, you're in for a good time. That said, when I see a title like that, I see the weight of history behind it. Nunsploitation is a time-honored genre in a number of cultures ranging from Japan to Mexico (Italy, of course, is the godafather, if you'll pardon the pun, of the genre-Visconti's 1969 The Nun of Monza seems to have been the first true nunsploitation movie as we know the genre today), and I would have felt a lot better about it had I gotten the idea that co-writers Guzman and Robert James Hayes felt any sort of affection for, let alone connection with, such nunsploitation treasures as Alucarda. Instead, this feels like they found out the genre was A Thing by reading an article about it and said "hey, we can make a movie about this!" without bothering to find out, say, what's cliché, what works and what doesn't, whether nuns serve in monasteries (they don't), you know, the small things. As a result, the picture is mildly amusing for a bit, but gets old quick. **
July 21, 2014
well ummm just seen this movie 4 the 1st time n think that this is an alright movie 2 watch....sure it is nothing special 2 watch but its quite an enjoyable movie 2 watch.....its got a good cast of actors/actressess throughout this movie.....i think that asun ortega, david castro, aycil yeltan, perry d' marco, maz siam, play good roles/parts thorughout this movie......i think that the director of this mystery/suspense/thriller movie had done a great job of directing this movie because you never know what 2 expect throughout this movie.....its got a good soundtrack throughout this movie......the ending of this movie leaves it completley wide open for a part 2// sequel movie.......its got good fight scenes throughout this movie......i think that bill oberst jr, was absolutley fantastic throughout this movie......its got good car chases throughout this movie.....i think that this is an enjoyable movie 2 watch sure its nothing special 2 watch but its an alright movie 2 watch with a good cast throughout this movie......its got a good soundtrack throughout this movie its such an enjoyable movie 2 watch with a good cast throughout this movie......
March 29, 2014
Written and directed by Joseph Guzman (Run! Bitch Run! (2009) and Back Alley Butcher (2014)), this sleazy exploitation film owes a big debt of gratitude to the films of Robert Rodriguez, but it doesn't have the heart or soul of his films. This is a cheapie done for it's title, but it still manages to do quite a bit on a pittance of a budget, it's still a load of cheesy old cobblers though. It begins when Sister Sarah (Asun Ortega) has been taken hostage by a corrupt clergy, led by Mother Magda (Emma Messenger) and Father Carlitos (Perry D'Marco), which instead of helping the needy and poor, makes and distributes heroin, which is cut by nude nuns. However, after Sister Sarah is attacked, she gets her strength from her faith to God, and overcomes her captors and gets hold of a massive arsenal of weapons. Shocked by Sister Sarah's strength, Magda and Carlitos call up motorcycle gang Los Muertos, led by Chavo (David Castro) to find and kill Sister Sarah, but she might already have the upper hand against them. It's a very silly film, made for a meagre $85,000, the film has a very amateurish sheen and it shows, but it's just a bit of brainless fun, even if it does make you feel very unclean afterwards for watching it. It's a long way from being unwatchable rubbish, but it'll do to pass an hour and a half, if you're into stuff like that.
½ March 13, 2014
Jesus... H... Christ! Ok, now i know that a film with such a title as perposterous as this was never going to be award winning but i fully admit to taking an interest just to see how bad it was, the answer, one trashy, vulgar, boring, unoriginal and just down right wrong films out there. Dont let the title fool you, this films biggest gun is a tommy gun and the nudity barely worth mentioning, in fact its such a ridiculous title its only creation could have been so that this film was actually watched by someone. And lord have mercy on whoever watches this crud! It is 100% clear from the get go that Mr Guzman is trying to riff on the Rodriguez/Grindhouse re-upbringing here with his visual style trying desperatly to be identical, even the music is a rip off of planet terrors theme song. But why would someone want to rip off a directors low poiint, ill admit planet terror was a fun flick that doesnt take itself seriously but machete? really? This film follows a group of drug lords/bikers/idiots who have a massive chain of clergy dope creation going on. For some reason one of the nuns trys to steal some dope, gets killed, while another is taken hostage and pumped full of heroin. As she nears her end she has a god like vision where she should go on a vengeful rampage and kill EVERYONE related to bikers gangs, drug abusers, strippers, and the clergy. The acting it pitiful, the action is boring, the running time feels about 4 hours longer than it actually is and using a character to rape people as a form of torture while trying to make light of the situation is just wrong. Im actually offended. Ill admit that the only thing this film has going for it is that thankfully its not taking itself seriously but thats barely a positive while watching this. You almost wished it had and seriously not got made. It also closes on an ending that implies a sequal? Really? Are you serious? Who wants a sequal of this nonsense? If your looking for a grindhouse -esque film watch Hobo with a shotgun, stay as far away from this as humanly possible. please, for your own sanity.
February 23, 2014
1 Star for a wacky title that makes me chuckle! I love how it rolls off my tongue :-)

1 Star for gratuitous grindhouse style sex and violence against nuns (From an Ex Catholic who felt the wrath of the ruler)
February 15, 2014
How this movie is not 100% is beyond me....maybe it's because the heavy Robert Rodriguez influence but overall I thought it was a great movie with just a bit too much rape.
February 15, 2014
No Penance for the Hell-Bound--An exploitation piece that joyfully relishes and wallows in its excessive sleaze, brutal violence and gratuitous sex... Hallelujah!!
January 28, 2014
Slow moving and disturbing. I never witnessed so may rape scenes in one movie. I know the bad characters were with bad intentions but seriously...too graphic and disturbing. Also there were so many breast shots that it actually just made the movie drag on and not move forward.
December 23, 2013
Does what it says on the tin.
December 11, 2013
Loved it, fresh and great to watch!!
November 1, 2013
I actually created an account solely to review this movie. no stars. I was expecting a good campy exploitation film. The title should have been, NUNS GET RAPED...ALOT. I MEAN REALLY ALOT. there was not enough blood shed and way too much rape. Even the Action sequences were poorly done. I had such high hopes for this movie based on the title and it seems its only redeeming quality is that everyone dies.
½ October 13, 2013
Tits and arse and that about all.
October 12, 2013
"We will sin today and ask for forgiveness tomorrow. Such is the beauty of the faith. But there is no penance for the hell bound". I love this movie.
July 18, 2013
Hot on the retro Grindhouse bang wagon, 'Nude Nuns With Big Guns' retains the cheap, lurid, nasty aesthetic of exploitation cinema, while also imitating Robert Rodriguez's style (Machete) - but it's not as pointlessly or vacuously ironic as the Rodriguez/Tarantino homages. Still reprehensibly rubbish, though.
½ July 10, 2013
Probably one of the most reprehensible pieces of film making I have ever seen, not a single redeeming feature to be found in this low rent exploitation affair. Apart from 'Sister Sarah'' whose on a mission from god to avenge anyone who has ever done her wrong, there is not a single character of value in this whole film. Every woman is either a whore, a drug addict or the victim of rape and there is an excessive amount of rape in this film, or complicit in the abuse of others. Every man is either spineless, a pimp, a drug peddler or a rapist. Even the church doesn't get off lightly essentially using the name of the lord to smuggle drugs. I went into this hoping for a Machete-esq romp what I got was insulted.
July 6, 2013
One of the worst things I've ever seen.
Super Reviewer
July 3, 2013
This is one of those "so bad it's good" kind of films, a good old-fashioned nunspoitation film. A Facebook friend, Devanny Pinn, has a speaking role in this, which provided the impetus to watch it. A lot of bang-bang shoot-'em-up, a lot of bloodshed, and a lot of nudity, but all in all, rather fun to watch as the sister gets her revenge in a Kill Bill kind of way. She was on a mission from God and no priest, Mother Superior, or bad-ass hombre was going to get in her way for long. This was fun!
½ June 29, 2013
Having spent a night in a convent house once, the nuns there are definitely not like these. It is certainly a new concept, although plenty of old themes are explored and it may gain cult value in time, but not right now.
½ June 8, 2013
I was trying to avoid this movie for a long time but come on, a movie about naked nuns shooting people? What's not sexy about that? I knew from the title that this movie was bad which was what kept me away from this piece of dirtshit but alas, I was forced by myself to watch it anyway. This film is so boring and nonsensical that I had to keep skipping the movie whilst watching it. And yes I'm not really reviewing and just rambling because this the story was fucking whoreshit! The characters were whoreshit and so was every fucking thing else in this movie! What was the point of this movie? FInally, the nudity in this movie is so fucking ugly that it makes me want to throw up. That's how bad it is. It's not like artistic nudity like in any Stanley Kubrick movie or in A Serbian Film. This is just for the sake of it. And because of this, the chicks are so fucking ugly, some are so hideously skinny where you can see their ribs and the rest were having fake tits and were so fakely sleazy. It was annoying as shit! This movie was trying to take the Robert Rodriguez style of directing which I can tell so much from the action. Listen director, you have already made a shitty movie and for fuck's sake, you are not Robert fucking Rodriguez! This movie: Nude Nuns With Big Guns gets a Some Old Bullshit/10! (Oh yeah I went there)
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