Old School - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Old School Quotes

  • Beanie: For what? Being Awesome? Besides Mitch, how old did you say this girl was, 17 years old? Mitch, that's a total grey area.


  • Frank "The Tank": We're going streaking!


  • Gordon Pritchard: Are you a comedian now? This is me leaving. This is me leaving.


  • Frank "The Tank": Dear Mitch, if you're holding this letter you already know. The house has been boarded up. The doors. The windows. Everything. We're at the Comfort Inn. Room 112. I love you. Frank


  • Beanie: Don't beat yourself up over this, Mitch. It's not your fault. Dammit, Blue was old. That's what old people do. They die.


  • Oral Sex Instructor: You can use a little teeth but we don't want to be a biter. Now, ladies, these carrots are not gonna ejaculate themselves. Get into it!


  • Beanie: Oh, yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
    Gordon Pritchard: Yea, I got out.
    Beanie: Cool man. Good. Glad you did.


  • Beanie: Don't say sorry to me, Frank. Say it to the baby.


  • Mitch: I wasn't looking for a girl like that.
    Beanie: Well, Columbus wasn't looking for America, my man, but that turned out to be pretty okay for everyone.


  • Frank "The Tank": Honey, Frank the Tank is not coming back, OK? That part of me is over. Water under the bridge. I promise.


  • Beanie: Not funny. Not funny. And now the baby is upset.


  • Frank "The Tank": [after funnelling a beer] Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it's so good!


  • Mark: [to little girl] This is yesterday's paper. When are you going to use your goddamn brains for once in your life? Hello. What are you, retarded?


  • Beanie: You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hangout with nineteen-year-old girls everyday?


  • Beanie: Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one-way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he's crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers.


  • Beanie: Frank here was staring at a white picket fence. Now he's single, he's broke, and has second-degree burns all over his body. And I see a spark in his eye that I haven't seen in fifteen years.


  • Peppers: You got a fucking dart in your neck, man.
    Frank "The Tank": [laughing] You're... you're crazy, man. I like you, but you're crazy.


  • Peppers: You just took one in the jugular, man.


  • Peppers: It's a tranquilizer gun. If any of these little fuckers decide to freak out on the kids, I get to take them down. Ain't that right?


  • Mitch: I'd like to welcome you all to the Mitch Martin Freedom Festival. Now for those of you who don't know who Mitch Martin is, he's the very successful, very disease-free gentleman standing by the mini-bar. Now, courtesy of Speaker City, which is slashing prices on everything from beepers to DVD players, give a warm welcome Harrison welcome to my pal and your favourite, Snoop Dogg.


  • Beanie: Yeah, that's it. I got a student alt rock band coming on next. Mitch, I own six speaker cities. I am worth three-and-a-half-million dollars that the government knows about. I got more electronics up there than a damn KISS concert. Tou think I'm gonna roll out this type of red carpet for a fucking marching band? Just make sure you can see the stage.


  • Mitch: I'm here for the gangbang...


  • Weensie: Yes she is. See, I'm the first one to go to college in my family and when I left she said, "Weensie, if you screw this up, I'll kill you." She showed me the knife.


  • Blue: Just ring the fucking bell, you pansy.


  • Wedding Singer: [singing] Fuckin' every now and then I fall apart and I need you now tonight. I fuckin' need you more than ever.


  • Mitch: Well, see. Blue's dead. Frank's divorced. I lost my house. Nicole thinks I'm a total jackass. And now we got nine kids who are gonna get expelled from school, and you're not even gonna help them.


  • Beanie: Whoa. Whoa. Why the F-ing? Why in front of the kid? All ya gotta do is say "earmuffs" to him, and you can say "Fuck, shit, bitch."
    Frank "The Tank": Cock. Balls.
    Beanie: I'm just trying to make a point, Frank. You don't have to celebrate it.


  • Frank "The Tank": Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.


  • Oral Sex Instructor: You know, when I get back there I'm going to show you something called crouching tiger, hidden penis.


  • Oral Sex Instructor: He left me with a little something called herpes. Which I then gave to the dog. But that's neither here nor there.


  • Mitch: At this point, you may be asking yourself, why am I holding this 30 pound cinderblock in my hands? You might also ask yourself, why does this cinderblock have a long piece of string tied to it? And finally, why is the other end of this string tied securely to your penis?


  • Beanie: Well why don't you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife.


  • Beanie: All right, let me be the first to say congratulations to then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart, Frank. Way to work it through.


  • Spanish: Damn, I gonna end up workin' at Red Lobster.
    Student #1: You already work at Red Lobster.
    Spanish: Yea, but its part-time... dick.


  • Frank "The Tank": You know I was thinking we could go back home... have some dinner and pop in the Sisqo CD... no? Weren't thinking that? Ok.


  • Beanie: Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking like crazy boy band ass.


  • Frank "The Tank": You tell anyone about this and I'll fucking kill you. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, we'll have him home by tonight. Okay, sweetie.


  • Mitch: Sorry, your seatbelt seems to be broken. What do you recommend I do?
    Taxi Driver: I recommend you stop being such a faggot. You're in the backseat.


  • Mitch: True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...


  • Frank "The Tank": Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And, uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think, well, maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? What, I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?


  • Frank "The Tank": I'll be in the neighborhood later on, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get some frozen yogurt, or perhaps a whole meal of food, if that would be agreeable. Damnit.


  • Frank "The Tank": Once it hits your lips it's so good!


  • Frank "The Tank": Hey Mike!


  • Beanie: I'm not a talker.


  • Frank "The Tank": You my boy Blue!!!
    Frank "The Tank": You my boy Blue!


  • Frank "The Tank": SNOOP! SNOOP-A-LOOP!
    Frank "The Tank": Snoop! Snoop-a-loop!


  • Therapist: Frank, this is a safe place. A place where we can feel free sharing our feelings. Think of my office as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. We can say anything here.
    Frank "The Tank": Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?


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