Overboard - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Overboard Quotes

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": Oh, and give my regards to Schwartzman and Heineken!

  • Dr. Norman Korman: You're overwrought, Grant. I want you to take a Valium. Here, take one of mine.

  • Cop at Hospital: Yeah, I bought my wife a garter at a yard sale once too.

  • Dean Proffitt Carpenter: Well, I guess we better send the ol' ball and chain out to buy us more.

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": Well the truth of the matter is it's all mine, the boat, the money, everything is all mine.

  • Joey Profitt: Hey, Trav, don't knock her up!

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": Are you aware that Joey can't read? And Travis only reads smut magazines? I can never get him out of the bathroom.

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": I speak French! Do I know what I said? Yes I do. I must've learned in Paris. When was I in Paris? In the Navy?

  • Dean Proffitt Carpenter: Well uh... yeah, there was that time you were working at Burger Boy, and this kid started choking on a French fry, and everybody in the place panicked, including me, except you, you knew exactly what to do. You ran over to the kid and you gave him that Heimlech, you know.

  • Andrew Butler: Oh no, madam. Oh no. You... most of us go through life with blinders on. Knowing only that little station to which we were born. But you madam, have had the... rare privilege of escaping your bonds for just a spell. To see life from an entirely new perspective. How you choose to use that information is entirely up to you.

  • Grant Stayton III: Do we have a straight jacket on board?
    Dr. Norman Korman: I always carry one, yes.

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": Grant's having another nervous breakdown, he thinks he's God. Keep him busy.

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": Try to understand,Grant, I don't love you anymore.
    Grant Stayton III: What's love got to do with marriage?

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": Well, I'm glad you've finally come to your senses. I was prepared to sue you. I don't know who I am, but I'm sure I have a lawyer.

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": Listen to me, medical people. As of now, I have a life history of a DIRTY garbage scow and a breakfast of EXTREMELY RUNNY eggs-over-easy. Now I REFUSE to be INCARCERATED in this semiprivate room.

  • Grant Stayton III: Joanna, I want you tonight - how can you have your period EVERY WEEK?

  • Adele Burbridge: Monday is their first day of school and I came here to WELCOME your family! And WHAT do I get in return? I get TOILET-PAPERED by your children! They were about to douse the toilet paper in GASOLINE and strike - !

  • Edith Mintz Joanna's Mother: Inga! You don't shove the food down Shitake's throat. You place it on her tongue. Don't they have dogs in Sweden?

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": These gnats keep landing on my wet nail polish. I guess I'm supposed to walk around with their little corpses stuck to my fingers, is that it?... It's easy for you to say. You don't have to sit out here in the brine with your perm frizzing to oblivion. I look like a bushman.

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": What is this gelatinous MUCK, Andrew? When I tell you to pack staples, must I specify that you are to pack *good* caviar and not this $1.99 fish bait? Caviar should be round, and hard, and of adequate size, and should burst in your mouth at *precisely* the right moment.

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": ANNIE GOOLAHEY...where in God's name did I grow up, Dogpatch?
    Dean Proffitt Carpenter: No, not there honey over in Goober, Idaho but it's a nuclear waste dump.

  • Dean Proffitt Carpenter: Zippedy Doo-Dah. Zippedy Yay. My, oh my, I got a wonderful slave.

  • Billy Pratt: Back in the day he was known as Mean Dean Proffitt and me I was Bad Billy Pratt.

  • Grant Stayton III: You haven't begun to be sorry, you hillbilly harlot!

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": I'm not a bitch. ANDREW. Are you going to bring me my lemon or do I have to squeeze it from my hat?

  • Dean Proffitt Carpenter: You know what your problem is? You are so goddamn bored, you have to *invent* things to bitch about! You don't have a single thing to do on this earth except for your hair! The closet was fine, you just needed something to fill up your useless, nail-polishing, toe-polishing, rich bitch, sun-tanning days!

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": Well, the entire civilized world knows that ALL closets are made of CEDAR.
    Dean Proffitt Carpenter: [in a backwoods accent] Well up here in Elk Snout ma'am see we don't know 'bout them closets, nor bathrooms neither. Shit woman, you're lucky I am house broke.

  • Billy Pratt: I strayed. See, I got lucky with this phone sex girl one night and my truck doesn't have a backseat so I borrowed yours. Dean doesn't want you to tell Gertie so he's covering for me. See, I didn't get the name Bad Billy Pratt for nothing.
    Billy Pratt: I'm sorry, Annie. I got horny. Do you hate me?

  • Dean Proffitt Carpenter: Yeah, well... that's 'cause we used to do it in the closet.
    Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": Oh stop with the sex stories.

  • Travis Proffitt: I loved it when you glued Joey to the toilet seat.

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": Well try to control your bodily noises so I can hear myself think.

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": You know forks were invented so that man could at least make a pretence of separating himself from the apes.

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": I think I'd remember if I had 3 children...

  • Dean Proffitt Carpenter: That's something you like to do, go fishing for oysters at night
    Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": Oysters in a cold ocean at night, doesn't sound like me!

  • Dean Proffitt Carpenter: Couldn't call it a date really, we just did it in the parking lot of the 7-Eleven
    Dean Proffitt Carpenter: Couldn't call it a date really, we just did it in the parking lot of the 7-Eleven.

  • Dean Proffitt Carpenter: You jumped my bones the first night we met!

  • Dean Proffitt Carpenter: Billy, there is a God and he loves me!

  • Edith Mintz Joanna's Mother: But darling, if you have a baby, you won't be the baby anymore.

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": I'm a short, fat slut.

  • Joanna Stayton/"Annie Proffitt": But WHAT? My children are in need of medical assistance! And you can sit here and smugly lecture me on the importance of tests? Tests which exist to pigeonhole childrens potential, a thing which cannot *possibly* be measured, least of all by anal compulsive HUNS! And my husband may be a "large child," but that's none of your business! And my children may be rotten, but they're MINE. And I think that they're bright, and sensitive, so I have no doubts whatsoever about their intelligence. I do however have *serious* doubts about YOURS.

  • Dean Proffitt Carpenter: handsome, sexy and can probably deliver what most nerds can't!!!
    Dean Proffitt Carpenter: Handsome, sexy and can probably deliver what most nerds can't!

  • Dean Proffitt Carpenter: I loved it. Refreshing not like the new stuff. Give me the good oldies anytime. New movies Bah!!!
    Dean Proffitt Carpenter: I loved it. Refreshing not like the new stuff. Give me the good oldies anytime. New movies Bah!

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