The Pacifier Reviews

Top Critic
Nigel Floyd
Time Out
August 16, 2007
Per its title, The Pacifier will lull you to sleep.
Top Critic
Nathan Rabin
AV Club
September 26, 2005
At one point, Diesel literally wades into a rancid sewer and emerges covered in feces, an image that sadly doubles as a metaphor for his career.
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Peter Travers
Rolling Stone
March 10, 2005
There is no pleasure, guilty or otherwise, to be found in The Pacifier.
| Original Score: 1/4
Top Critic
Laura Sinagra
Village Voice
March 9, 2005
[An] unintentional fascist satire.
Top Critic
Owen Gleiberman
Entertainment Weekly
March 9, 2005
A yawn-by-numbers romper-room dud that is nevertheless shrewd enough to tweak its star, Vin Diesel, for becoming a joke in less time than it took him to become an action hero.
Full Review | Original Score: D+
Top Critic
Richard Roeper
Ebert & Roeper
March 7, 2005
It's so awful. This reminds me, every once in a while on television they'll show failed sitcom pilots that never got picked up by the networks, and this has the feel of something like that.
Top Critic
Desson Thomson
Washington Post
March 4, 2005
Of course it's a PG movie, but do family audiences deserve stupid and trite stories?
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Mike Clark
USA Today
March 4, 2005
The Pacifier is low on Diesel fuel, though probably amusing enough if you're part of the intended demographic.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/4
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Peter Howell
Toronto Star
March 4, 2005
[Diesel's] funnier here than he was in The Chronicles of Riddick, and that one wasn't even billed as a comedy.
Full Review | Original Score: 2.5/4
Top Critic
Ted Fry
Seattle Times
March 4, 2005
The concept that sort of worked for Arnold Schwarzenegger becomes a cringe-inducing misfire for Vin Diesel in this sloppy mess of a family film that's neither cute nor funny.
Full Review | Original Score: .5/4
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Carla Meyer
San Francisco Chronicle
March 4, 2005
A formulaic Disney comedy.
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Roger Moore
Orlando Sentinel
March 4, 2005
The director of Bringing Down the House and the writer and co-creator of Reno 911! fail to find anything funny outside of the diaper pail.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/5
Top Critic
Stephen Whitty
Newark Star-Ledger
March 4, 2005
Making the audience wish they were seeing an old Hulk Hogan movie is simply sad.
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Lou Lumenick
New York Post
March 4, 2005
Makes last week's cinematic exploration of surrogate parenthood by an authority figure - Man of the House, with Tommy Lee Jones -- look like a Billy Wilder comedy in comparison.
| Original Score: 1/4
Top Critic
Jami Bernard
New York Daily News
March 4, 2005
An abysmal comedy.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/4
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Connie Ogle
Miami Herald
March 4, 2005
The Pacifier isn't going to redefine kids' films, but it's far less painful than what it could have been.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/4
Top Critic
Kevin Thomas
Los Angeles Times
March 4, 2005
Has sufficient mayhem to please Diesel's action fans while allowing the star to reach out to family audiences.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/5
Top Critic
Amy Biancolli
Houston Chronicle
March 4, 2005
Blah comedy.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/4
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Liam Lacey
Globe and Mail
March 4, 2005
Though [Diesel] has a definite, if somewhat oily, charisma, comedy really isn't his forte.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
Top Critic
Tom Long
Detroit News
March 4, 2005
Vin Diesel is baby food in The Pacifier. He's strained peas, pureed plums and all manner of pabulum. So all older than 5 beware: This is a movie you'll likely want to spit up.
| Original Score: D
Top Critic
John Monaghan
Detroit Free Press
March 4, 2005
The Pacifier falls into the same category as Are We There Yet? which gave Ice Cube a similar baby-sitting gig with equally dreadful results.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/4
Top Critic
Robert Denerstein
Denver Rocky Mountain News
March 4, 2005
The Pacifier represents a form of cruel, but actually very usual, punishment for anyone past the age of 7.
| Original Score: D+
Top Critic
Lisa Kennedy
Denver Post
March 4, 2005
The Pacifier is one of those movies that jams together two ideas that in the end don't work.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
Top Critic
March 4, 2005
Without doubt the worst film of the year so far, The Pacifier is actually painful to watch.
Top Critic
Roger Ebert
Chicago Sun-Times
March 4, 2005
This premise is promising, but somehow the movie never really takes off.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/4
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Ty Burr
Boston Globe
March 4, 2005
The movie plays like it was cobbled together from sheetrock and carpet tacks, this makes The Pacifier just worth your children's time, and hardly worth yours.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
Top Critic
Bill Muller
Arizona Republic
March 4, 2005
Pacifiers are made to appease toddlers, but for the movie version, even that may be a stretch.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/5
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Scott Von Doviak
Fort Worth Star-Telegram/DFW.com
March 4, 2005
The kind of movie that makes diaper duty look like an appealing alternative.
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Ned Martel
New York Times
March 3, 2005
Disney's new family flick is chipper and occasionally clever as it sends up the high-tech know-how required by 21st-century parents.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/5
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Philip Wuntch
Dallas Morning News
March 3, 2005
A comic train wreck consisting of limp dialogue, predictable plot twists and elaborate sight gags that fall flat.
Full Review | Original Score: D
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Todd McCarthy
Variety
March 3, 2005
A truly gag-worthy comedy.
Top Critic
James Berardinelli
ReelViews
March 3, 2005
Vin Diesel is better than the material, but, no matter how hard he tries, he can't rise above the puerile screenplay.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
Top Critic
Gene Seymour
Newsday
March 3, 2005
[A] frenzied, cumbersome tangle of potty jokes.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
Top Critic
Jeff Strickler
Minneapolis Star Tribune
March 3, 2005
This moderately amusing family comedy is one of those movies that is better if you don't think about it.
Full Review | Original Score: 2.5/4
Top Critic
Kirk Honeycutt
Hollywood Reporter
March 3, 2005
Jokes never build, stagings are clumsy, and the whole thing feels as if it were slapped together in haste.
Top Critic
Michael Wilmington
Chicago Tribune
March 3, 2005
The Pacifier is cheerful but mind-numbing.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
Top Critic
Melinda Ennis
Atlanta Journal-Constitution
March 3, 2005
Vin Diesel's new movie may not pacify his extreme-action-addict fans looking for an adrenaline fix, but it is a nice little Disney film that is a surprisingly pleasant way to spend time with the family.
Full Review | Original Score: C+