The Phantom Empire Reviews

  • Feb 21, 2010

    An oddity. Fun, in a terrible way, but highly inconsistent, and it can't seem to either take itself seriously, or play up the camp, so it tries both ways, and the only successful part of that is the cast. Ross Hagen, doing his best Robert Preston impersonation, and doing a damn good one, is cigar chomping, with his gal, Eddie, the most hardcore cigar chomping person ever put to film, are loads of fun. The plot is awkward with lots of scenes being of fake danger, as in, they don't amount to anything, or advance the plot, simply an obstacle to never be mention again. Since this is how most of the movie goes, it's hard to really enjoy it overall. Certain scenes work, and whenever Eddie opens her mouth, usually with a cigar in it, it's a blast. However, the ending is so anti-climatic and the overall presentation such a message, there's no true fun to be had.

    An oddity. Fun, in a terrible way, but highly inconsistent, and it can't seem to either take itself seriously, or play up the camp, so it tries both ways, and the only successful part of that is the cast. Ross Hagen, doing his best Robert Preston impersonation, and doing a damn good one, is cigar chomping, with his gal, Eddie, the most hardcore cigar chomping person ever put to film, are loads of fun. The plot is awkward with lots of scenes being of fake danger, as in, they don't amount to anything, or advance the plot, simply an obstacle to never be mention again. Since this is how most of the movie goes, it's hard to really enjoy it overall. Certain scenes work, and whenever Eddie opens her mouth, usually with a cigar in it, it's a blast. However, the ending is so anti-climatic and the overall presentation such a message, there's no true fun to be had.

  • Dec 18, 2009

    The Phantom Empire is another serving of 80's schlock horror/comedy from prolific cult director Fred Olen Ray (Evil Toons, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Cyclone, and a hundred other films of this caliber). The story concerns a goofy cannibal cave mutant that appears in a park one day and kills a man. Pan to dead, prolific explorer's spoiled rich daughter (Susan Stokey) who enlists the help of adventurers Ross Hagen and Dawn Wildsmith, as well as an archeologist (the late Robert Quarry) and his intern (the great Jeffrey Combs!) to explore the caves in search of vast diamond riches. While on the search, they uncover more cannibalistic cave mutants, a long lost world, a busty alien queen (the beautiful Sybil Danning), sexy cavewomen (lead by my ultimate fantasy, Michelle Bauer), and more Planet of the Dinosaurs stock footage (seriously, this is about the 8th film I've seen this stock footage used). There's lots of bad effects, bad acting, and enough ridiculousness (all intentional thankfully) to have any fan of schlock and corny 80's movies getting some honest enjoyment out of. As the movie drew closer and closer towards the end, I was seriously sweating and on pins and needles over the uncertainty of either beauty, Danning or Bauer, revealing their sexy 80's bodies. While Danning remains relatively clothed throughout the entire movie unfortunately, we have the joy of seeing Bauer's top come off in a cavegirl on cavegirl fight. To add to the excitement, Bauer proceeds to run around topless (with titties flopping around all over the place) for the next several scenes, much to my delight. Sure, it's bottom of the barrel entertainment, but it's definitely of the so-bad-it's-good variety. Fun film.

    The Phantom Empire is another serving of 80's schlock horror/comedy from prolific cult director Fred Olen Ray (Evil Toons, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Cyclone, and a hundred other films of this caliber). The story concerns a goofy cannibal cave mutant that appears in a park one day and kills a man. Pan to dead, prolific explorer's spoiled rich daughter (Susan Stokey) who enlists the help of adventurers Ross Hagen and Dawn Wildsmith, as well as an archeologist (the late Robert Quarry) and his intern (the great Jeffrey Combs!) to explore the caves in search of vast diamond riches. While on the search, they uncover more cannibalistic cave mutants, a long lost world, a busty alien queen (the beautiful Sybil Danning), sexy cavewomen (lead by my ultimate fantasy, Michelle Bauer), and more Planet of the Dinosaurs stock footage (seriously, this is about the 8th film I've seen this stock footage used). There's lots of bad effects, bad acting, and enough ridiculousness (all intentional thankfully) to have any fan of schlock and corny 80's movies getting some honest enjoyment out of. As the movie drew closer and closer towards the end, I was seriously sweating and on pins and needles over the uncertainty of either beauty, Danning or Bauer, revealing their sexy 80's bodies. While Danning remains relatively clothed throughout the entire movie unfortunately, we have the joy of seeing Bauer's top come off in a cavegirl on cavegirl fight. To add to the excitement, Bauer proceeds to run around topless (with titties flopping around all over the place) for the next several scenes, much to my delight. Sure, it's bottom of the barrel entertainment, but it's definitely of the so-bad-it's-good variety. Fun film.

  • Jun 10, 2008

    No Oscars won for this but Danning is still the Queen bitch of B movies. Looks like some items were stolen from other movies. This is B all the way, especially from a very young Jeffrey Combs performance. Michelle Bauer provides the bounce.

    No Oscars won for this but Danning is still the Queen bitch of B movies. Looks like some items were stolen from other movies. This is B all the way, especially from a very young Jeffrey Combs performance. Michelle Bauer provides the bounce.

  • Jan 20, 2008

    ok, so this phantom empire looks unexceptional, but i don't really know anything about it, so i cant say for sure. if you can chase down the SERIAL Phantom Empire with GENE AUTREY for under $7 (or the condensed television version for say $2) I recomend grabbing it. where else are you going to find a sci-fi action western musical kids movie? TAKE THAT SERENITY!!!

    ok, so this phantom empire looks unexceptional, but i don't really know anything about it, so i cant say for sure. if you can chase down the SERIAL Phantom Empire with GENE AUTREY for under $7 (or the condensed television version for say $2) I recomend grabbing it. where else are you going to find a sci-fi action western musical kids movie? TAKE THAT SERENITY!!!

  • Jan 11, 2008

    Well you can't really expect much out of a movie starring Sybil Danning and directed by Fred Olen Ray. Campy all the way.

    Well you can't really expect much out of a movie starring Sybil Danning and directed by Fred Olen Ray. Campy all the way.

  • Dec 30, 2007

    This is garbage, but if you love uber crappy sci-fi garbage then wach this, stoned...

    This is garbage, but if you love uber crappy sci-fi garbage then wach this, stoned...

  • Oct 12, 2006

    I did not really like this movie.

    I did not really like this movie.