Point of Terror Reviews
"No money, no career, only death."-Andrea (Dyanne Thorne)
1. It would have to be in Canada (apparently).
2. I would have to be dragged to the altar by a runaway motorcycle. (If this is not arrangable, I would accept skydiving.)
3. I would like to be married by Dyanne Thorne, former star of [i]Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS[/i], who performs weddings in Vegas. (Alternate celebrity licenced ministers include John Waters, Hammer and the guy who played Dudley on "Diff'rent Strokes")
These three reasons are part of why I'm still single, but the last one I'm a stickler for. Thorne only made a handful of films, but she's best known for her portrayal as the Butcher of Buchwald, who does very nasty things to men and women involving cattle prods and creating orafices in places where there were never meant to be orafices.
[i]Point of Terror[/i] is one of those handful of films, and one of the few non-Ilsa like roles of the bunch. But don't worry, she's still a bitch (unlike her portrayal of James Belushi's transsexual stepfather in [i]Real Men[/i]), so there's still some fun to be had.
Peter Carpenter plays Tony, a crummy lounge singer trying to make a career for himself as a crummy pop singer. (Actually, the film may be trying to portay him as a good singer, but I calls 'em as I sees 'em.) Enter Andrea (Thorne), who owns a record label with her wheelchair-bound husband. The two hit it off immediately and Andrea promises Tony big things.
Things take a turn when Andrea's hubby croaks in the pool and Andrea becomes more of a bitch than ever. Tony tries to get her to marry him, but she can't be bothered with such frivolities and Tony resorts to wooing her daughter instead. This works well, and the two plan a life together, even though the now-jealous Andrea has plans of her own.
It's crap, sure, with a bland plot and no real twists, but it's oddly entertaining. The acting is bad, the music is terrible, but Thorne and her boobaliciously tight outfits mixed with Tony's equally tight pants and see-through shirts (ugh!) give it a goofy charm made even goofier by the silly music montages featuring Tony's "hit" tunes.
There's no terror and even less point, but I kept watching [i]Point of Terror[/i] even as it got progressively dumber. It's one of those hypnotically bad movies that's just greasy and inept enough to be worth a viewing. Plus, Dyanne Thorne! Wearing really tight outfits and acting bitchy! You really can't miss.
Well, okay, you can. I can't justify recommending it, but I enjoyed it anyway, and a "5" ranking puts it in the same league as [i]Orgy of the Dead[/i] and The [i]Passion of the Christ[/i], so that seems fair. It's from the director of public domain staple [i]The Screaming Skull[/i], and how can a movie directed by a guy who make something called [i]The Screaming Skull[/i] be all that bad?
Don't answer that.