The Royal Tenenbaums - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

The Royal Tenenbaums Quotes

  • Royal Tenenbaum: Anybody interested in grabbing a couple of burgers and hittin' the cemetery?


  • Richie Tenenbaum: Did you just say you're on mescaline?
    Eli Cash: I did indeed. Very much so.


  • Eli Cash: The crickets and the rust-beetles scuttled among the nettles of the sage thicket. "Vámonos, amigos," he whispered, and threw the busted leather flintcraw over the loose weave of the saddlecock. And they rode on in the friscalating dusklight.


  • Royal Tenenbaum: You know, Richie, this illness, this closeness to death... it's had a profound affect on me. I feel like a different person, I really do.
    Richie Tenenbaum: Dad, you were never dying.
    Royal Tenenbaum: But I'm going to live.


  • Chas Tenenbaum: Is it dark?
    Richie Tenenbaum: Of course it's dark, it's a suicide note.


  • Chas Tenenbaum: Why did you try to kill yourself?
    Etheline Tenenbaum: Don't press him right now.
    Richie Tenenbaum: I wrote a suicide note.
    Chas Tenenbaum: You did?
    Richie Tenenbaum: Yeah. Right after I regained consciousness.


  • Royal Tenenbaum: to Pagoda: That's the last time you put a knife in me!
    Royal Tenenbaum: [to Pagoda] That's the last time you put a knife in me!


  • Eli Cash: Let me ask you something. Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone is especially *not* a genius? Do you think I'm especially *not* a genius?... You didn't even have to think about it did you?


  • Royal Tenenbaum: This is my adopted daughter, Margot Tenenbaum
    Royal Tenenbaum: This is my adopted daughter, Margot Tenenbaum.


  • Richie Tenenbaum: I am going to kill myself tomorrow.


  • Royal Tenenbaum: You can't raise boys to be scared of life. You got to brew some recklessness into them.
    Etheline Tenenbaum: I think that's terrible advice.


  • Royal Tenenbaum: Pagoda's in possession of a parcel containing my will and some instructions for the funeral including my epitaph, for when the time comes. Proofread it for me before they carve it on the headstone, okay?


  • Royal Tenenbaum: Henry Sherman, do you know him?
    Richie Tenenbaum: Yeah.
    Royal Tenenbaum: Is he worth a damn?
    Richie Tenenbaum: [emphatically] I believe so.


  • Margot Tenenbaum: You probably don't even know my middle name.
    Royal Tenenbaum: That's a trick question. You don't have one.
    Margot Tenenbaum: Helen.
    Royal Tenenbaum: That was my mother's name.
    Margot Tenenbaum: I know it was.


  • Raleigh St. Clair: [after learning from a private investigator that Margot had been previously married and has had several affairs with both men and women] So, she smokes.


  • Royal Tenenbaum: I didn't think so much of him at first. But now I get it, he's everything that I'm not.


  • Richie Tenenbaum: I wrote a suicide note.
    Chas Tenenbaum: You did?
    Richie Tenenbaum: Yeah, right after i regained conciousness.
    Richie Tenenbaum: Yeah, right after I regained conciousness.


  • Margot Tenenbaum: I'll have a butterscotch sundae I guess.


  • Royal Tenenbaum: [after he faked a terminal illness, took residence in the house under false pretenses, tried to instigate a fight with his estranged wife's fiancé, generally lied to his family and was then found out] I know I'm going to be the bad guy here.
    Royal Tenenbaum: [after he faked a terminal illness, took residence in the house under false pretenses, tried to instigate a fight with his estranged wife's fiancee, generally lied to his family and was then found out] I know I'm going to be the bad guy here.


  • Chas Tenenbaum: Are you okay?
    Royal Tenenbaum: Fuck do you care?


  • Henry Sherman: [Telling everybody that Royal doesn't have cancer] I know what stomach cancer looks like. I've seen it, and you don't eat three cheeseburgers a day with french fries when you got it.


  • Royal Tenenbaum: Hell of a damn grave. Wish it were mine.


  • Chas Tenenbaum: I've had a rough year, dad.
    Royal Tenenbaum: I know you have, Chassie.


  • Narrator: Royal Tenenbaum bought the house on Archer Avenue in the winter of his 35th year. Over the next decade, he and his wife had three children, and then they separated.


  • Narrator: Among the few possessions he left to his heirs was a set of Encyclopedia Britannica in storage at the Lindbergh Palace Hotel under the names Ari and Uzi Tenenbaum. No-one spoke at the funeral, and Father Petersen's leg had not yet mended, but it was agreed among them that Royal would have found the event to be most satisfactory.
    Ari Tenenbaum: Fire! [Ari and Uzi fire their rifles into the air]


  • Henry Sherman: I just wanted to apologize for the other day, when I proposed to you.
    Etheline Tenenbaum: Why? I thought it was very sweet.


  • Margot Tenenbaum: This is the sleeping bag we took to the museum, isn't it?
    Richie Tenenbaum: Mm-hmm.
    Margot Tenenbaum: Why'd you do it? Because of me?
    Richie Tenenbaum: Yeah, but it's not your fault.
    Margot Tenenbaum: You're not going to do it again, are you?
    Eli Cash: I doubt it.


  • Richie Tenenbaum: Go Mordecai!


  • Royal Tenenbaum: I got a pretty bad case of cancer.
    Chas Tenenbaum: [yawns] How long you gonna last?
    Royal Tenenbaum: Not long.
    Chas Tenenbaum: A month? A year?
    Royal Tenenbaum: About six weeks. Let me get to the point, the three of you and your mother are all I've got and I love you more than anything. [Chas scoffs and mock laughs]
    Royal Tenenbaum: Chas, let me finish here. I've got six weeks to set things right with you and I aim to do it. Will you give me a chance?
    Chas Tenenbaum: No?
    Royal Tenenbaum: Do you speak for everyone?


  • Pagoda: He has the cancer.


  • Royal Tenenbaum: Let's shag ass.


  • Eli Cash: I wish you'd've done this for me when I was a kid.
    Richie Tenenbaum: But you didn't have a drug problem then.
    Eli Cash: Yeah, but it still would've meant a lot to me.


  • Royal Tenenbaum: Everyone's against me.
    Pagoda: It's your fault, man.
    Royal Tenenbaum: I know but dammit, I want this family to love me. How much money you got?
    Pagoda: I don't have.
    Royal Tenenbaum: What? You're broke? You gotta be kidding me! How are we gonna pay for this room?
    Royal Tenenbaum: All right, I'll think of something... Ow.
    Royal Tenenbaum: All right, I'll think of something. Ow.


  • Etheline Tenenbaum: How long have you been a smoker?
    Margot Tenenbaum: 22 years.
    Etheline Tenenbaum: Well I think you should quit.


  • Eli Cash: I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum.
    Royal Tenenbaum: Me too, me too.


  • Pagoda: He has the cancer.


  • Royal Tenenbaum: Let's shag ass.


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