Simon Birch - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Simon Birch Quotes

  • Adult Joe Wenteworth: You're never prepared for the moments that change your life.


  • Adult Joe Wenteworth: Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with. I responds like a snail to our impatience, Then it races like a gazelle when you can't catch your breath.


  • Simon Birch: There are no accidents. God has a plan for all of us.
    Joe Wenteworth: There is no plan. Don't you understand?
    Simon Birch: But God...
    Joe Wenteworth: There is no God. He's like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. It's all bullshit, Simon.


  • Joe Wenteworth: God sent me a screwball with an armadillo?


  • Simon Birch: Your mother has the best breasts of all the mothers, and she smells the best, too. She's so sexy, that sometimes I forget she's someone's mother.
    Joe Wenteworth: Okay, okay!
    Simon Birch: I'm just being honest.
    Joe Wenteworth: What if I said the same thing about your mother?
    Simon Birch: I'd have you committed.


  • Simon Birch: BOOBS!
    Simon Birch: Boobs!


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