We're supposed to believe that Snow White commands the adoration of everyone she meets, but when poor Hemsworth lunges in for his emotional reveal, it's as plausible as a man professing undying love for a tablespoon.
Takes its cues from ... Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy and HBO's hit series Game of Thrones. If only it ever felt as grand as the former, or were as incest and decapitation laden as the latter.
There's lots of talent on display in the film (and I think the film will make a good display movie for your home theater one day), but none of it matters when the script is so saggy and the lead so wrong.
Only Bob Hoskins as the blind seer Muir comes close to making us care. We can almost glean Snow White's heroic possibilities through his clouded eyes. As much as we'd like to, we certainly can't from Stewart's efforts.
There will be lots of versions of Theron's evil queen running around West Hollywood this Halloween; it's a performance that's one part Tilda Swinton to 30 parts Faye Dunaway, the sort of over-the-top craziness that spawns midnight screenings.