Tales from the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

Tales from the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood Reviews

Page 1 of 30
October 8, 2016
Filled with weak and/or unlikable actors, it doesn't hold up and only works as a juvenile t&a flick.
½ September 15, 2016
Tales From The Crypt :Bordella of Blood(1996)
Starring:John Kassir, Dennis Miller, Erika Eleniak, Angie Everhart, Chris Sarandon, Corey Feldman, Aubrey Morris, Phil Fondacaro, and William Sadler
Directed By:Gilbert Adler
Hello kiddies your pal the crypt-critic here let me tell about a film so disappointing it had barely any blood to show for.
The film is about a detective named Rafe who is on the search for the brother of a woman named Kathryn. During his investigation he makes the discovery that the woman in charge of all the missing men are seductress vampires. He must stop these vampires from spreading their business and eating the entire town.
The movies not so fun premise is not the kind of lusting vampire film that I would want to sink my teeth into, it just feels like their could have been more or something. But there is one amazing sequence at the end that I'm going to go into detail but let's just say it has something to do with water guns.
This was the second Tales from the crypt movie that was ever released, the first being demon night which is my favorite so far, but bordello is more for the adult-watching lust having vampire horror viewers out there and it if that's your thing then you can really sink your teeth into this. But if I want vampire-action I'll stick with Fright night(both of them) and Bram Stokers Dracula and the Bela Lugose one.
This tale from the crypt is not as impressive as the last one,but it does have it's moments. I'm giving Bordello of Blood a two and a half out of five.
½ February 22, 2016
Dennis Miller singlehandedly saved this movie from complete awfulness. There's not much else to say. There's lots of blood, boobs, and some laughs to mask the otherwise flavorless production. Angie Everhart should never act... ever. Corey Feldman... poor guy. Chris Sarandon was amusing, but if you want to see him in a better vampire film, then look no further than Fright Night 1985.
½ February 12, 2016
Not very good but I still love Tales from the Crypt!
January 1, 2016
Finally got to watching this 20 years after I "missed out" on it by not going to so and so's sleepover. Prettyyyy shitty.
October 29, 2015
It's a campy/tongue in cheek comedy horror film. Lots of gratuitous violence and nudity and Angie Everhart is one sexy vampire.
½ October 28, 2015
Meh, it's still not very good. Just to many behind the scenes problems causing to much of a mess. It sucks, cuz this is what killed the Tales From The Crypt movies in its tracks.
½ October 26, 2015
10/26/2015: Pretty much as horrible as I was expecting.
Super Reviewer
½ October 25, 2015
Fletch in From Dusk Til Dawn, the deadpan comedian Dennis Miller mugs and chuckles his way through Bordello of Blood, the second theatrical feature from the Tales from the Crypt namesake. To be fair, it's sadistically funny, liberally heart-soaked and unapologetically fun. After a mock-epic Raiders of the Lost Ark cliffhanger opening, the pun-filled Cryptkeeper introduces us to tonight's "tawdry tale". Miller might not be a convincing Sam Spade detective but the Weekend Update anchor is self-aware of the dregs he is in and openly lampoons it from within with his ad-libs ("You're looking pretty cool, man. You must know Mickey Rourke."). My favorite interaction is when Rafe (Miller) is interrogating some barflies about a missing person and he is criticizing their billiards skills. Even funnier is William Sadler's pre-credits cameo as a mummified British director who is pitching the film to the disingenuous Cryptkeeper. The wraparound segment is Sadler's Russian Roulette of body appendages with him. Surprisingly, Angie Everhart is lusciously unbridled as Lillith, the matriarch of the vampires. In gowns and flawless makeup, she is a bombshell with fangs. From bloodsucker flicks of yore, Corey Feldman and Chris Sarandon align themselves inside this decadent treat. More naked flesh than a Russ Meyers film, the brothel is a recreation hall of carnal visions. The prosthetic work is also cutting-edge with Gene Simmons tongues, blood-bladder explosions and feral transformations. It's a shame that the Tales from the Crypt brand deteriorated shortly after this release because their alchemy of horror, religious parody (Sarandon's teleprompter-assisted evangelist) and yuk-yuks was choice. In the age of 90's nostalgia, maybe it will be revitalized as well.
October 14, 2015
Love this movie. Its more comedy than horror, but it's super fun. Dennis Miller is great!
September 6, 2015
Re-Review: Truly "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" for grown ups. All the elements of a satisfying episode are here. Sex, violence, laughs, and shrieks. The Crypt Keeper is an American hero.

Previous review: Who doesn't love Dennis Miller. Campy bad movie. Good stuff.
August 14, 2015
This movie is just a lot of fun! Not as good as Demon Knight, but still pretty entertaining on its own ground.
½ June 28, 2015
Lol let's start this I guess. I'm a very big fan of "Tales from he cript" the only movie out of the three that is worth anything is "Demon Knight". Bordello is just a million terrible one liners in a moch horror movie based on what worked in the first installment. I guess I'm a fan just because its kind of a cult joke but other than that its not in my movie collection.
½ April 2, 2015
Dennis Miller is his usual unfunny self as he goes through every horror movie clich, (C) in this tawdry, stupid and gratuitous film about vampire whores. Though I will admit, it was a lot of fun to watch when I was like 13. If you know what you're getting into, it's fun, otherwise stay away.
March 8, 2015
I feel like I'm in a bad Tales from the Crypt movie.

A bad boy and his group of friends head to a whore house in the cellar of a mortuary and come up missing. The sister of the bad boy hires a private investigator to find her missing brother. He discovers the brothel is a secret lair of vampires and will try to take them down and get out of the brothel alive.

"What can I say, boys, I know how to turn a woman on."

Gilbert Alder, director of episodes from the television series Tales from the Crypt, Freddy's Nightmare, Charmed, Fantasy Island, and Perversions of Science, delivers Tales from the Crypt: Bordello of Blood. The storyline for this picture is okay and fun to watch unfold. There was a lot of cheese written into the plot and the acting was disappointing. The cast includes Dennis Miller, Angie Everhart, Corey Feldman, Chris Sarandon, and John Kassir.

"She gets you ready and I finish you off."

I came across this on HBOGO and decided to give it another viewing for the first time in a long time. I always thought this was disappointing, but enjoyed watching the plot unfold. This is not a complete waste of time for fans of the horror genre but I can't say this is a must see either.

"You loosen that head band, okay?"

Grade: C-
½ November 18, 2014
Love these movies. They really need to bring them back.
Super Reviewer
September 22, 2014
Another tongue in cheek blood 'n' guts rampage this time including lots of tits 'n' ass too...so its pretty darn good then. An unoriginal vampire tale this time, set in a brothel with lots of ladies eating biker types much like 'From Dusk Till Dawn' or 'Vamp' but nowhere near as good.

Plot is pretty standard but like the previous Crypt flick is does have a wonderful array of makeup and prosthetic effects all over the show with blood squirting and fangs flying, nothing you haven't seen before but it looks good. Casting is drab but does include 80's horror comedy star Sarandon and 80's teen star Feldman both of which raise the film slightly, Angie Everhart looks delicious as 'Lilith'.

You know what your gonna get with this franchise so your either gonna love it or hate it. Personally I view these films as a great opportunity to see fantastic examples of hands-on horror makeup effects, normally without much CGI, plus they are always good fun on a no-brainer level.
June 2, 2014
Satirical horror-comedy? Wow, that's a misleading description.
½ December 31, 2013
Boobs and blood - what's not to love?
½ October 29, 2013
Terrible acting. Terrible effects. Terrible story. Extremely cheesy.

Even worse than it was the first time I watched it.
Page 1 of 30