The Change-Up - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

The Change-Up Quotes

  • Dave: He never told me you were a big fat fucking boner
    Dave: He didn't tell me you were a big, fat, fucking boner.


  • Dave Lockwood: Sabrina: So, ah, I'll have my briefs on your desk by lunch. Dave: That puts my balls on your chin by dinner.
    Sabrina: So, ah, I'll have my briefs on your desk by lunch.
    Dave: That puts my balls on your chin by dinner.


  • Mitch: Ohhh, look at these little.............fuckers!
    Mitch: Ohhh, look at these little... fuckers!


  • Mitch: Cause all Tatiana wants to do at three in the morning is...


  • Jamie: Before making any decision in your life, no matter how small, call your wife first. Think of yourself as a brain-damaged mule, lost in a desert, helpless, dumb, and in constant need of direction. Never take the initiative, never strike out on your own, and never deviate from the plan. Why? Because you're a brain-damaged mule and you're lost in the damn desert!


  • Mitch Planko: Life doesn't always turns out exactly how you plan it, sometimes turns out better..
    Mitch Planko: Life doesn't always turn out exactly how you plan it. Sometimes, just sometimes, it turns out better.


  • Dave: So I can't sleep with my wife, I can't sleep with other women. What the hell is that?
    Mitch: Marriage.


  • Mitch Planko: You smell like lemons
    Mitch Planko: You smell like lemons.
    Sabrina McArdle: I do smell like lemons
    Sabrina McArdle: I do smell like lemons.


  • Dave: Having children, is, it's like living with little mini drug addicts. You know, they're laughing one minute, and then they're crying the next, and then they're trying to kill themselves in your bathroom for no good reason. They're very mean and selfish and they burn through your money and they break sh-.
    Dave: Having children, is, it's like living with little mini drug addicts. You know, they're laughing one minute, and then they're crying the next, and then they're trying to kill themselves in your bathroom for no good reason. They're very mean and selfish and they burn through your money and they break sh**t.


  • Jamie: As she is slapping the guys in the face, "BAD!, BAD, BAD!"
    Jamie: BAD!, BAD, BAD!


  • Dave: Don't come at me guns loaded!
    Dave: Can't believe you would come at me guns hot!


  • Mitch: What do i tell jamie if she wants to have sex. Dave: you are not having sex with my wife mtch.
    Mitch: What do I tell Jamie when she wants to have sex tonight.
    Dave: You're not having sex with wife Mitch.


  • Jamie: I need to cool it on the Thai food.


  • Mitch: I have been keeping company with a number of nice ladies.


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