The Dictator - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

The Dictator Quotes

  • General Aladeen: I accept your job offer as general manager.
    Zoey: Well you can’t be the manager because I’m the manager.
    Zoey: Well you can't be the manager because I'm the manager.
    General Aladeen: Well I can if I killed you.


  • General Aladeen: Good morning Nadal! Wake up, Good Morning Nadal!
    Nadal: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Nadal: Waaaaaaaaaa!
    General Aladeen: (goes to the bathtub where Nadal is bathing)Hello Nadal!
    General Aladeen: Hello Nadal!
    Nadal: Oh that is weird!


  • General Aladeen: Do you sell any assault rifles?


  • General Aladeen: (Changes "Procused" to "Waterboard) You promise not to steal again?
    General Aladeen: You promise not to steal again?
    Store Customer: I won't. I won't!
    General Aladeen: Give him one more for fun, Viktor.


  • General Aladeen: Don't worry. I am Wadiya's number one actor. You don't twin four Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.
    Nadal: Yes, you do, because you gave them to yourself!
    General Aladeen: My performance in Aladeen Jones and the Temple of Doom was outstanding.
    Nadal: I give it thumbs down.
    General Aladeen: Have you seen You've Got Mail Bomb?
    Nadal: Yes, I've seen them all! They're all terrible movies!


  • General Aladeen: I'm attracted to you in a really fucked up way.


  • Doctor: Do you want the Aladeen news or the Aladeen news?
    Patient: The Aladeen news?
    Doctor: You're HIV-Aladeen.


  • Megan Fox: Katy Perry said she got a diamond Rolex
    Megan Fox: Katy Perry said she got a diamond-crested Rolex.
    General Aladeen: Well, she let me aladeen in her face.


  • General Aladeen: Give a man a vagina and he will shpichs for a day. Teach a man to use his hand as a vagina, and he will shpichs for a lifetime.
    General Aladeen: Give a man a vagina and he will shpichs for a day. Teach a man to use his hand as a vagina, and he will shpichs for a lifetime.


  • General Aladeen: You seem educated.
    Zoey: Yes, I went to Amherst.
    General Aladeen: I love it when women go to school. It's like seeing a monkey on roller skates. It means nothing to them, but it's so adorable for us.


  • Nadal: When the thought of someones decapitated head upsets you, that is love.
    Nadal: When the thought of someones decapitated head upsets you, that is love.


  • General Aladeen: Sub Saharan, can you have 150 child warriors here by 5:00pm?


  • Pregnant Woman: You two make a cute couple. But could you do this later? When you're not elbow deep in my vagina?
    Pregnant Woman: You two make a cute couple. But could you do this later? When you're not elbow deep in my vagina?


  • Nadal: i am a mac genius.
    Nadal: I'm a Mac Genius!
    General Aladeen: so what do you do?
    General Aladeen: What do you do?
    Nadal: Mostly I clean semen out of laptops.
    Nadal: Mostly, I clean semen out of laptops.


  • General Aladeen: Why are you guys so anti-dictators? Imagine if America was a dictatorship. You could let 1% of the people have all the nation's wealth. You could help your rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes. And bailing them out when they gamble and lose. You could ignore the needs of the poor for health care and education. Your media would appear free, but would secretly be controlled by one person and his family. You could wiretap phones. You could torture foreign prisoners. You could have rigged elections. You could lie about why you go to war. You could fill your prisons with one particular racial group, and no one would complain. You could use the media to scare the people into supporting policies that are against their interests.


  • Aladeen/Efawadh: "what sorcery is this?
    Aladeen/Efawadh: Wait, what sorcery is this?


  • Nadal: Just do like a pull-up. You know how you do pull-ups?
    Aladeen/Efawadh: I invented the pull-up.


  • Nadal: Look, where has being a nice guy gotten you, huh? of a bridge about to commit suicide? Still wearing Crocs?
    Aladeen/Efawadh: What's wrong with Crocs?
    Nadal: They are the universal symbol of a man who has given up hope!


  • Waiter/Minister: What is your name?
    General Aladeen: Allison Burgers.
    Waiter/Minister: That's a made up name. What is your real name?
    General Aladeen: Ladis.
    Waiter/Minister: Ladis what?
    General Aladeen: Ladis Washirum.
    Waiter/Minister: So your name is like the sign, Ladies' Washroom.
    General Aladeen: Oh.
    Waiter/Minister: That is a made up name.


  • General Aladeen: He is not a legitimate leader! He is not a legitimate leader!


  • General Aladeen: Nobody touch the minibar – it's a fucking rip-off!
    General Aladeen: Nobody touch the minibar? It's a fucking rip-off!


  • General Aladeen: [To NYPD patrol car]How much do you charge for assassinations?
    General Aladeen: [to NYPD patrol car] How much do you charge for assassinations?


  • General Aladeen: Twenty dollars a day for internet? What the fuck?! And they accuse me of being an international criminal?


  • Nadal: Why do you have Vita Coco water?
    General Aladeen: Because it has as much potassium as three bananas.
    Nadal: The line is still too heavy. Is there anything else in your pockets that could be weighing you down?
    Nadal: Oh, you kidding. So then why did you bring three bananas?
    General Aladeen: Because I don't trust the advertising. I'm naturally suspicious.


  • General Aladeen: You've broken my heart into "Aladeen" pieces.
    General Aladeen: You've broken my heart into 'Aladeen' pieces.


  • General Aladeen: If I got a dollar for everytime I heard that
    General Aladeen: If I got a dollar for everytime I heard that.


  • General Aladeen: "It's not amazing, it's just a little less shit."
    General Aladeen: It's not amazing, it's just a little less shit.


  • General Aladeen: You go to the bathroom after Osama, you will realize the true meaning of terrorism
    General Aladeen: You go to the bathroom after Osama, you will realize the true meaning of terrorism.


  • Pregnant Woman: Crocs are a sign of a man who's given up
    Aladeen/Efawadh: What's wrong with crocs?
    Nadal: They're the universe's symbol of a man who's given up hope!


  • Pregnant Woman: Oh! My supreme beard....
    Pregnant Woman: Oh! My supreme beard...


  • General Aladeen: What are Civil Rights?
    Head Nuclear Scientist: They're hilarious, I'll tell you about them sometime.


  • Zoey: Take out the trash.
    Aladeen/Efawadh: [throws trash can at taxi cab]


  • Tamir: [to Aladeen] your wearing Crocs?
    Tamir: [to Aladeen] You're wearing Crocs?


  • General Aladeen: I love it when women go to school. It's like seeing a monkey on roller skates -- it means nothing to them, but it's so adorable for us.


  • Doctor: I have some Aladeen news, and some aladeen news. what would you like to hear first?
    Patient: Aladeen news.
    Doctor: The aladeen news is that you are HIV aladeen.


  • Store Customer: "God, the police are such fascist bastards." Aladeen: "Yes, and not even in a good way."
    Store Customer: God, the police are such fascist bastards.
    Aladeen/Efawadh: Yes, and not even in a good way.


  • Friendly Customer: You're such a nice man.
    Aladeen/Efawadh: What the fuck did you just say to me?
    Friendly Customer: I said you're a nice man.


  • General Aladeen: "It's a girl. Where's the trash can?"
    General Aladeen: It's a girl. Where's the trash can?


  • General Aladeen: Now who is the Lasist?


  • General Aladeen: Yakhmandel yakhmandeli ais aisha....I just made that up
    General Aladeen: Yakhmandel yakhmandeli ais aisha... I just made that up!


  • General Aladeen: Give a man a vagina and he will spick for the day, teach a man to use his hand as a vagina and he will spick for a life time.


  • General Aladeen: I love being an American
    General Aladeen: I love being an American.


  • General Aladeen: ahh america birthplace of AIDS
    General Aladeen: Ahh.. America, the birth place of AIDS.


  • Zoey: Could you please take your hands off my breasts ?
    Zoey: Could you please take your hands off my breasts?
    Aladeen/Efawadh: Those are breasts ? I thought you are a boy.
    Aladeen/Efawadh: Those are breasts? I thought you are a boy.


  • Aladeen/Efawadh: Oh it's a girl. I'm so sorry. Where's the trashcan?
    Pregnant Woman: Oh no we want it!


  • General Aladeen: Megan, you are worth every penny!


  • Megan Fox: "...a ruby? What am I? A Kardashian?"
    Megan Fox: ...a ruby? What am I? A Kardashian?


  • General Aladeen: Ahhh America, the birthplace of AIDS
    General Aladeen: Ahhh America, the birthplace of AIDS.


  • General Aladeen: [to NYPD patrol car] Is there any way you could lend me some money... maybe twenty million dollars?


  • General Aladeen: [rings bell] Next!


Find More Movie Quotes