The Funhouse Quotes

  • Harper: I don't know where you're going tonight, but don't go to that damn carnival. It went through Fairfield last year, when they found the bodies of those two girls in the creek.


  • The Barker: They wiggle and they dance; Six beautiful girls. They wiggle and they dance... (Looks straight at Amy very eerily) They wiggle and they dance.
    The Barker: They wiggle and they dance. Six beautiful girls. They wiggle and they dance. (Looks straight at Amy very eerily) They wiggle and they dance.


  • Madame Zena: Don't come back - Or I'll break every bone in your F**KIN' BODIES! Beat it!
    Madame Zena: Don't come back. Or I'll break every bone in your F**KIN' BODIES! Beat it!


  • Marco The Magnificent: A little history. In the fifth century, Vlad V of Wallachia, known as Vlad the lmpaler to his friends, tortured 23,000 prisoners in a device not unlike this. Tiring of his name, he decided to change it. He selected his father's name, Dracul, meaning devil. He added the letter A and became...Dracula; literally, "son of the devil". And so legends are born.
    Marco The Magnificent: A little history. In the fifth century, Vlad V of Wallachia, known as Vlad the lmpaler to his friends, tortured 23,000 prisoners in a device not unlike this. Tiring of his name, he decided to change it. He selected his father's name, Dracul, meaning devil. He added the letter A and became. Dracula; literally, 'son of the devil'. And so legends are born.


  • Carnival Manager: Alive, alive, a-live-ah...These are all creatures of God, ladies and gentlemen......Not men. They are authentic, and they are alive. Alive, alive, alive-ah...
    Carnival Manager: Alive, alive, a-live-ah. These are all creatures of God, ladies and gentlemen. Not men. They are authentic, and they are alive. Alive, alive, alive-ah.


  • Bag Lady: God is watching you!
    Amy: Beg your pardon?
    Bag Lady: He hears everything! (Walks in the bathroom stall)
    Liz: I hate people who preach. Especially in bathrooms...Anyway, I don't know what you're saving it for.
    Liz: I hate people who preach. Especially in bathrooms. Anyway, I don't know what you're saving it for.
    Amy: Who says I'm saving it?
    Bag Lady: (in the bathroom stall) - Gooooooood is watching you!
    Bag Lady: (in the bathroom stall) God is watching you!


  • Amy: Just for that, I'm not taking you to the carnival on Saturday...And while I'm there tonight, think about this. I'll get even. You won't know when or where, but I'll get you so bad you'll never forget it! NEVER!!!!
    Amy: Just for that, I'm not taking you to the carnival on Saturday. And while I'm there tonight, think about this. I'll get even. You won't know when or where, but I'll get you so bad you'll never forget it! NEVER!!!!


  • Carnival Manager: Hey, you, up there. Come on down, now. I wanna talk to you. Come on. Ain't nothin' to be afraid of - I just want a few words. Come on. I just want to give you your lighter back. What are y'all doing up there? You know you're trespassing on private property. Come on. You have to sooner or later; there ain't no other way outta here. Come on, now! There ain't no reason to be afraid of him. He's harmless. Once he's been fed. All right. All right, have it your way...Finders, keepers. Losers, weepers...
    Carnival Manager: Hey, you, up there. Come on down, now. I wanna talk to you. Come on. Ain't nothin' to be afraid of. I just want a few words. Come on. I just want to give you your lighter back. What are y'all doing up there? You know you're trespassing on private property. Come on. You have to sooner or later; there ain't no other way outta here. Come on, now! There ain't no reason to be afraid of him. He's harmless. Once he's been fed. All right. All right, have it your way...Finders, keepers. Losers, weepers.


  • Amy: ...Listen, how would you like to go to the movies instead of the carnival?
    Amy: Listen, how would you like to go to the movies instead of the carnival?
    Buzz: The movies? What for?
    Amy: It's the same carnival that went through Fairfield County, where they had all that trouble.
    Buzz: Terrific. Maybe we'll get a little action. Come on. You're not afraid to go, are you?
    Amy: No, I just don't feel like it. Besides, I promised my father we were going to the movies
    Buzz: Forget about your old man. He's trying to bum your evening.
    Amy: How can you say that? You don't even know my father.
    Buzz: Hey, loosen up, will ya?


  • Richie: I just had the greatest idea.
    Amy: What?
    Richie: Let's stay...Let's spend the night.
    Richie: Let's stay. Let's spend the night.
    Amy: ...What?
    Richie: In the Fun House!
    Liz: You're crazy.
    Richie: Fred and Eddie did it in Fairfield County.
    Liz: And you believe them. Rich, you're so full of shit.
    Richie: I'm telling you, they did it...And so can we...That is, if we wanted to.
    Richie: I'm telling you, they did it. And so can we. That is, if we wanted to.


  • Carnival Manager: (after finding Madame Zena's dead body) - Wait a minute, I got it...We'll blame it on the locals. That's what we're gonna do. We'll just go and dump her some place. Then we'll blame the goddamn locals.
    Carnival Manager: (after finding Madame Zena's dead body) Wait a minute, I got it. We'll blame it on the locals. That's what we're gonna do. We'll just go and dump her some place. Then we'll blame the goddamn locals.


  • Richie: When I was a kid, I once tried to spook my older brother by hiding in his closet. While I was waiting in there to jump out and scare him, a weird thought came into my head. What if he knew I was in there, and he was standing just outside the closet door, waiting to jump out and scare me?
    Liz: So, what happened?
    Buzz: He locked you in, didn't he?
    Richie: I waited for three hours till my parents came home and got me out. I was too scared to touch the doorknob. I...I wet my pants.
    Richie: I waited for three hours till my parents came home and got me out. I was too scared to touch the doorknob. I, I wet my pants.


  • Buzz: Hey, watch who you're calling an a**hole...a**hole.
    Buzz: Hey, watch who you're calling an a**hole. A**hole.


  • Liz: I don't think they're hitting it off. Did they have a fight?
    Richie: ....Of course they're hitting it off. Buzz is a terrific guy.
    Richie: Of course they're hitting it off. Buzz is a terrific guy.
    Liz: You know, Richie...When you're stoned, Charles Manson is a terrific guy.
    Liz: You know, Richie. When you're stoned, Charles Manson is a terrific guy.


  • Harper: ...I don't see why you wanna waste your time with a guy who works in a filling station.
    Harper: I don't see why you wanna waste your time with a guy who works in a filling station.
    Amy: It's a first date, Mama. We're not getting married.


  • Carnival Manager: You paid Madame Zena a hundred dollars for this? You crazy fool, I could have gotten you one of them tent-girls for fifteen! Well, you never were much for knowing the value of cash, were you?


  • Carnival Manager: I've been expecting you.
    Amy: Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to kill us?
    Carnival Manager: I'm just protecting my family.
    Amy: Your family? But that guy...he's not even human.
    Amy: Your family? But that guy... He's not even human.
    Carnival Manager: The Lord works in mysterious ways, little lady. He ain't such a bad fella. My son does get himself in all sorts of trouble, though, don't he? Anyway, blood is thicker than water. I'm sure he's gonna be a real comfort to me in my old age.


  • Carnival Manager: (yelling at his monster son) - Do it so I won't hit you, boy! Hit yourself! Atta boy! Hit it or I'm gonna kill ya! Hit it, boy! That's it. You do it or I'm gonna.
    Carnival Manager: (yelling at his monster son) Do it so I won't hit you, boy! Hit yourself! Atta boy! Hit it or I'm gonna kill ya! Hit it, boy! That's it. You do it or I'm gonna.


  • Carnival Manager: ...Who will dare to face the challenge of the Funhouse? Who is mad enough to enter that world of darkness? How about you, sir...?
    Carnival Manager: Who will dare to face the challenge of the Funhouse? Who is mad enough to enter that world of darkness? How about you, sir?


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