Mary Poppins Returns
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All Critics (3)
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The Sand takes a silly idea and somehow makes it work, helped greatly by the fact that it has got buckets of charm.
It takes skill to make a cheesy creature feature well. The Sand is much smarter that it looks on the surface. Give it time and it will pull you in.
Where Spring Breakers turned the ephemeral rites de passage of horny, drugged-up college students into a melancholic mantra of excess and mortality, from the same essential ingredients Isaac Gabaeff's The Sand weaves a dumb-assed creature feature
Unbelievably amateurish, shit this bad can normally only be produced by The Asylum. No suspense, no scares, everything is terrible, particularly the acting, two-dollar CGI, and incredibly lame string creature. Only plus is some pretty good looking women in bikinis in the lead roles, which obviously was the only requirement for the parts.
You know, I've been on this earth for almost 30 years and I've been watching movies for many of those years. This is an old story on my Flixster reviews, at least I believe it is, but it's a new one for my Letterboxd reviews. But almost every Saturday for the first 13 years of my life (or until my grandpa passed away), my mom took me to this cinema in the then largest mall in our island, Plaza Las Americas. I'm sure there were certain weeks when we didn't go (when I, instead, went to spend the weekend at my great-grandmother's house), but it was one of the few constants in my life and I loved it. Not to mention the fact that I loved eating popcorn (and I still do). My mom hardly ever enjoyed any of the movies she took me to see, but she took me to see them anyway because she loved me. Which is why I apologize for making her go see Little Nicky in theaters. Hey, fuckers, I was 12 and I didn't know any better. I also remember, since there was a Blockbuster Video right across where I went to school, going there and renting 8 movies at one time (yes, really) to watch during the weekends. This was after I turned 13, naturally. Some of my fondest memories from my youth have been watching movies with my mother and my aunt. Having said all of that, I've loved movies since my youth, my favorite genre would certainly have to be horror movies, as if that wasn't obvious already in my Flixster reviews. One of my favorite things each time I went to Blockbuster Video was renting a crappy horror movie so we could, at least, have a good laugh. Well me and my aunt at least, since my mother hates horror movies. At least bloody and gory ones, she likes ghost stories. But, I digress, those crappy horror movies have created an appreciation in me for entertaining shitty horror movies. That's a bit of an oxymoron, of course, but The Room is an example of one of the worst movies I've ever seen, but it was also FIVE-STAR entertainment. This brings us to this film, which I, in spite of its flaws, I enjoyed my time with. Look there's nothing that bothers me more than a purposely shitty movie. This is the problems I have had with the Sharknado franchise. It's like they're in on the joke and that takes away from some of the entertainment factor of those films. The truly "best" shitty movies are made in earnest. They're made by people who, truly, earnestly believe that they're making a quality movie. The comedy comes in the fact of its own lack of self-awareness. If you're self-aware enough to make a purposely shitty movie, then why not actually put in the effort to make a legitimately good movie, right? Well I will say this about this movie. It is a movie that is very self-aware of its own badness. Like, I mean, look at the concept. It is literally a horror movie about killer sand. It's like Stephen King ran out of ideas and then he just chose something random. But I digress, the film is designed from beginning to end to be a complete cheesefest. And, quite frankly, it is. While I'm only giving this 2 stars, I think that the people behind the camera were completely satisfied with the picture they made. I can't fault them for that. I've always been of the opinion that we need unpretentious films that know that their place in life is to be cheesefests that we watch and completely forget about within a month. I suppose it's weird to say that you shouldn't be ambitious when trying to make a horror movie, but there's also nothing wrong for you to look at your film and just say that 'you know what, this isn't a great movie, so let's ramp up the B-movie thrills'. I will say, however, that as short as this film is, I think the concept, realistically speaking, lends itself better to a short movie or a 40-minute episode of an anthology horror series. It doesn't lend itself to 80 minutes. You can even feel them trying to stretch things out. Like the whole scene with Ronnie trying to get the phones out of the trunk without actually touching the sand went way too fucking long for my tastes. Jamie Kennedy's appearance which, while having some funny lines, also went way too long. I believe that this is the biggest flaw in the film. I can't say that the acting or the dialogue was its biggest flaws, since both were meant to be that way. Overacted and corny lines, that's the order of the day. I can't complain about a film being the way it was intended to be. I guess you could the same thing about its length, but I don't think that's up for debate here. The pacing could have been better and the film would have flowed better. The special effects are no great shakes but, again, they weren't intended to be. This is really a movie that you laugh at, and with sometimes. You really cannot go into this movie expecting to see the next generation of horror greatness. This isn't that movie. This is a movie featuring a bunch of 20-somethings playing the sand is lava. And, when you look at the film that way, it's actually even funnier. It's actually a LOT funnier now that I really think about it. I guess the joke is lessened when you realize that the touching the sand will literally kill you, but I would have loved the movie to have just been a bunch of hungover or drugged out people believing that there's something in the sand that would kill them. That would've been a great twist and it would actually make sense. Ah, well, they missed that chance. But, yes, if you want to watch something that's a little cheesy and entertaining, then you should give this a shot. You may dislike it, but I still enjoyed myself watching this even if I wouldn't go so far as to call it a good movie. This can be a fun time if you know not to take it too seriously.
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