The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Reviews
But still trash
Yes, nature and its creatures seen and heard for the first time perfectly in all their glory, beauty, majesty...and then she rips out its throat.
The big finale to the epic 'Twilight' series finally dawns (hehe) upon us, the limp tale continues from where it left off. Unfortunately this means we go straight back into the vampire soap opera we had to put up with in the last deary instalment. Its not as bad as the last film in that sense, at least this time we have 'Bella' getting used to her new vampire skills and scowling EVEN more than normal. On the down side we still have Jacob sexually frustrated because he can't do it doggy style with Bella and lots of average young actors with lots of poorly done heavy face makeup.
The effects are still pretty damn ropy all the way through, the CGI is near laughable in most sequences with terrible special vampire skill sequences of super speed. The wolves look like cartoons and characters look like ragdolls when knocked about in the air or where ever.
Worst new effect must be the new born child, was that thing CGI? it bloody looked like it. Jesus that looked eerie, I think it was either a fully CGI baby or a real baby with a CGI face! good god!, no wonder everyone thought it was evil.
The plot on the whole is much more interesting than the last film, overall this film is better than the last as that was terrible. Its all just a prolonged build up to the big fight at the end, but even that isn't entirely as it seems. Anyway the fight has been talked about a lot but frankly I don't see why. Sure its probably the best thing in the entire franchise but its hardly worth waiting for. Plenty of heads being ripped off and arms torn from their sockets whilst vampires and wolves go down in a flurry of sparkly action, but in no way is any of it original or really exciting.
I thought the whole bit about gathering vampire friends from around the world quite amusing, basically a recruitment montage. Its fun but highly generic and cliched, the amazonian female vampires in their tribal outfits, never thought Egypt would have vampires, one bloke from the American Revolution period who doesn't shut up about it (you'd think he would have let that go after a few hundred years) and the hilariously cliched Irish vampires complete with flatcaps, scarfs and dowdy, drab clothes that looked like poor labourers.
I've said before this franchise isn't as bad as many say and I will still stand by that. The first film was OK, second was fair and third was a bit better than them both, best not to talk of the pointless fourth. Yes the film is still chock full of sulky looking younglings, cheesy ass panto style makeup, lots of brooding, lots of dialog about things only the book readers will know of (or if you can remember from the last films, I couldn't), characters that pop up outta nowhere (I lost track), vampires that look and dress like pupils from 'Hogwarts' and of course Miss Stewart doing her best grimacing/pouting ever!
As you can guess the fans will love and probably mums with their daughters too. The franchise was always just an excuse for mums/daughters/teen girls to see some fit firm young men in very very soft acceptable porn, tastefully done of course. I'm sure its close to the source material and it has been good in places but it is a weak romantic tale really, drawn out over five films.
And what is the deal with Jacob? the dude isn't romantically involved with Bella anymore, but he still wants it doesn't he, doesn't he? Bella still keeps him around why? for threesomes? just to look at his nice body? to abuse him? He gets a raw deal if you ask me, he gets to babysit their kid and generally be a dogsbody forever whilst watching Bella and Edward get it on. Maybe he likes that?
This final episode is like the first three, its average and just about kept my attention although the originality of the original is of course long gone. A nice end credits sequence ties everything up in a sweet lovable girly bow, but will we see more of this supernatural heartbreaker? or is it indeed finished...forever?
This god awful excuse for literature is finally over
Unless you've been living under a pop-culture rock for five years, it will come as no surprise that the final chapter release of Stephanie Myers uber-blockbusting Twilight franchise, Breaking Dawn Part 2 has secured 8th place highest grossing first weekend film of all time. But my question to all the twi-hard's out there; was it worth the split feature wait and the double admission price?
With the taboo love triangle between human, vampire and werewolf finally laid to rest, you would think the meaningful weary glances and uncomfortable stares would become a foggy human memory, but alas with the films focus on the precarious fate of half-blood abomination and the world's press focus on the off-screen romantic hiatus of the lead cast members, its business as usual for amateur dramatics.
Just in case the franchises garrulous five year advertising campaign has escaped your attention, here is the basic jist. Human Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson) fall into forbidden love. A series of misunderstandings and miscommunications cause hiatus for three movies, but in the fourth the duo marry and all seems well, until the impossible happens and Bella painfully produces a progeny.
BD2 starts immediately after part 1; red-eyed new born vampire Bella must learn to control her thirst before meeting her bizarrely named and graphically questionable child Renesmee (Mackenzie Foy).
After accepting a bonding development between her daughter and ex-object of romantic contention, Jacob (Taylor Lautner) the family settles down into bliss with only the concerns of Renesmee's speedy growth to disturb their reverie.
When an unexpected visitor, cousin Irina (Maggie Grace) witnesses the child and jumps to the wrong conclusion, she inadvertently gives justifiable reason the self-proclaimed arbiters of all things undead to finally attack the family and acquire some coveted new recruits.
Facing irradiation, the Cullen clan recruits a motley band of relatives, friends and frenemies to attest that Renesmee is not a dreaded immortal child. But the menacing threat of the Volturi spurs the group to stand and protect, but if it comes to battle, who will survive?
With all twi-hard necessities present and accounted for (fervent yet chaste sex scene, a bare-chested Lautner, a sappy meadow make-out, and vamped-up vampire action), BD2 moves past its usual clichés to rediscover a lost element, humor. All bad graphics and questionable acting jokes aside, the wonderfully awkward moments, quirky one liners and intriguing (if not fully explored) introductory characters make this hands down the best and most natural chapter.
The Verdict: With a renewed sense of drama, BD2 culminates the series with a shocking final blow. A bittersweet farewell, this reviewer is not convinced producers and fans alike will let it be without exploring fringe character arcs further. My prediction, watch this space.
Published: The Queanbeyan Age
Date of Publication: 23/11/2012