Three Kings Quotes

  • Major Archie Gates: They helped us find it, Ron. We made a deal. It's a soldier's honor, ya can't fuck 'em now.


  • Sergeant Troy Barlow: Okay. Well, then you choose who we take. Tell the others it's not convenient and they're gonna have to die because I can't do that, Chief, okay? You're gonna have to do that yourself.


  • Conrad Vig: Come on, man, this is good music. Man, Judas Priest'll pump you up, man.
    Chief Elgin: No. We're not listenin' to that headache music. Stop.
    Conrad Vig: Just one song.
    Chief Elgin: What you need is that Easy Listenin' Classics.
    Conrad Vig: (reacting to Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now") I do not need that.
    Chief Elgin: You need somthin' to calm your nerves.
    Conrad Vig: Not Easy Listenin' Classics.


  • Walter Wogaman: Can I have my pants, please? Pants, on my legs.


  • Debbie Barlow: What was that?
    Sergeant Troy Barlow: A wall just exploded.
    Debbie Barlow: I thought the war was over, honey.
    Sergeant Troy Barlow: Well, it is and it isn't, babe. Could you do me a favor and call the Reserve Center?


  • Walter Wogaman: Military regulations, you cannot drive. Step away from the Chenoweth, ma'am. Don't make me shoot you, ma'am.


  • Sergeant Troy Barlow: Hey, I got a family. If I'm gonna shit in a bag for the rest of my life because I got shot after the war was over, that'd be pretty fuckin' stupid, wouldn't it, Major?


  • [uncredited] Oasis Bunker Guard: I am love United State of Freedom.
    Chief Elgin: I'm love United States of Freedom, too.


  • Major Archie Gates: What was that?
    Conrad Vig: I rigged a football with C4, sir.
    Major Archie Gates: Why would you do that?


  • Conrad Vig: Blacks make better receivers than quarterbacks.
    Sergeant Troy Barlow: Stop speaking right now, Conrad.
    Chief Elgin: Warren Moon is one of the best quarterbacks in the league.
    Conrad Vig: Houston's gone nowhere with Warren Moon.
    Chief Elgin: What about Randall Cunningham?
    Sergeant Troy Barlow: Chief, don't get in the mud with him, man.
    Conrad Vig: Ahhhh, Eagles'll never make it to the Super Bowl with Randall Cunningham.
    Chief Elgin: Doug Williams not only took the Redskins to the Super Bowl, but they won.
    Conrad Vig: Yeah, so?
    Sergeant Troy Barlow: We can all agree there are many excellent black quarterbacks.


  • Major Archie Gates: That's what makes SF so bad ass, we've got the best flashlights.


  • Major Archie Gates: I'm talkin' about millions in Kuwaiti bullion.
    Conrad Vig: You mean those little cubes you put in hot water to make soup?
    Major Archie Gates: No,not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup.


  • Major Archie Gates: You're on the path to truth when you smell shit, isn't that what they say, Sergeant?


  • Conrad Vig: Lord knows what vermin live in the butt of a dune coon.
    Chief Elgin: Why do you let this cracker follow you around, man?
    Sergeant Troy Barlow: Aw, he's alright, man, he's got no high school, he's from a group home in Dallas. He doesn't know any better.
    Conrad Vig: Don't tell people that.
    Chief Elgin: I don't give a shit if he's from Johannesburg. I don't want to hear "dune coon" or "sand nigger" from him or anybody else.
    Conrad Vig: Captain uses those terms.
    Sergeant Troy Barlow: Look, Conrad, the point is that "towel head" and "camel jockey" are perfectly good substitutes.
    Chief Elgin: Exactly.
    Conrad Vig: I apologize, it's just confusing with all this pro-Saudi, anti-Iraqi type language and all that.


  • Major Archie Gates: I am the most overrated actor in the universe.


  • Sergeant Troy Barlow: Are we shooting people or what?


  • Major Archie Gates: Though's don't work in the day time
    Major Archie Gates: Though's don't work in the day time.
    Walter Wogaman: They kinda do
    Walter Wogaman: They kinda do.


  • Major Archie Gates: The way it works is, you do the thing you're scared shitless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before you do it.


  • Conrad Vig: Man... I didn't join the army to pull paper our of people's asses.


  • Cathy Daitch: Oh look at you Adriana, look at what's become of you.
    Adriana Cruz: Yeah look at me, I've got my clothes on - I'm dressed!


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