Thunder in Paradise Reviews
Now, the movie is about an (of course) ex-marine named spencer and his side kick named 'Bru' (in what universe is 'Bru' a legit nickname for Bruce?) who have a super highspeed boat equiped with mini guns and missile launchers that they use to, as apparent from the opening sequence, sneak two people out of cuba. Two people. Thats it. But you better damn well enjoyed watching him sneak those two people out of Cuba because that is actually the only scene with action in it that you will get to see till the end of the movie. The rest of it plays out like some sort of rom-com. You'll understand when I tell you the full plot: Spencer, owing money to the bank that is now threatening to take his boat (I'd be more worried about the US government taking it) makes an agreement with a girl who to get married because she has three days to get married or her evil uncle gets her fathers hotel. They get married and he gets the money to pay off the bank. Starring Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?! I WANTED DIE HARD, NOT THE BACK UP PLAN!!!! God! What where these guys thinking!?! Then there's some plot about a necklace with a map and modern day pirates. This movie doesn't know what the hell it wants to be. So, there are some pretty cheesy scenes, and then Hulk Hogan gets in his boat, saves the chick, and then blows it up the bad guys.
Sounds bad, eh? But let me correct the ending of my synopsis, I made a mistake. I said he blows up the bad guys. He doesn't. He blows up the bad guys' boat. Because this is the 90's, apparently no one is allowed to die in movies. So let me be perfectly honest when I tell you that NOBODY DIES IN THIS MOVIE!!! In fact, in the final scene, the film, makers take the time to show every single person jump off the boat before it blows up. This is in action movie, and I always thought that people died in action movies. Apparently, I was wrong. Then again, it wasn't that captivating as an action film. In fact, it was really boring. Even the director knew this. He actually added scenes of close-ups on girls in swimsuits just to keep the assumingly male audience from throwing the movie out! This movie is bad. I mean, REALLY bad. This is up there with Troll 2 and Silent Night, Deadly Night. God!!! Wow!!! Don't See this!!!! Ever!!!!
Modern day pirates make the mistake of taking on Hulk Hogan and his family as they ride is his boat named "Thunder." What else can you expect from a Hulk Hogan actioner?