Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie Reviews
I've seen a lot, a lot, and a lot in my life, and I'm always ready to swallow my pride.
I just saw this movie because I mistook the title for another movie, and I've come to recognize some of the scenes from this movie that have stolen a hundred times over 100 times better movies from other hundred times. Do you know that even if you see a movie that has a string that clearly comes from a better movie that you would rather watch right now?
Anyway, such movies are the reason why I hate comedies. You can beat out all the jokes from most comedies of Ben Stiller or so and there would still be a good or okay movie left over here, just a huge steaming pile of horse shit would be left behind which one in a blender with insulting stupidity and infantilism served us right at the moment where we are most hungry.
I wanted to move on relatively quickly but took my courage to watch it to the end and that was a mistake because not only did I lose a piece of my humor, I think I lost a lot of power and tolerance and I have a few IQ points lost and must train pretty hard to regain the lost.
This was the 3rd worst movie I have ever seen in my life.
"Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie" is a juvenile, often disgusting attempt at comedy that knows it isn't funny and doesn't even try to be. The plot is razor thin and is simply an excuse to tie a few loosely developed sketch ideas together and to pad out the film to its 1hr and 34 minute running time. Nevertheless, it goes something like this: Two idiots (Tim and Eric) are given a Billion dollars by the Schlaaang Corporation to make a movie but waste it all on such things such as a suit made of diamonds and a spiritual adviser who is paid by the millions. To make things worse, the film is only a few minutes long (most of the footage was unusable) and the actor that was hired to star in the film is in fact a Johnny Depp impersonator. Outraged after seeing the film, the president of the Schlaaang Corporation demands that Tim (Tim Heidecker) and Eric (Eric Wareheim) pay them back, or else. Desperate, the two run away until they see an ad where a man named Damien Weebs (Will Ferrell) claims that his mall in S'wallow Valley needs managers and that if someone can successfully run it, they will make a billion dollars. Eric also spots a woman in the ad named Katie (Twink Caplan) and instantly falls in love with her (carrying a picture of her with him wherever he goes and furiously masturbating to her at night). Determined to make their money back (and in Eric's case get the girl of his dreams) the two make their way to the mall. Unfortunately, the mall is a mess. Most of the stores are doomed to fail, like a spiritual healing center that worships the Shrim gods, a sword and knife store that makes its profits by keeping swords and knives off the street, a used toilet paper discount warehouse and Katie's booth, which sells celebrity lookalikes made from balloons. The mall is also filled with garbage, homeless people and is terrorized by a man-eating wolf. If they can run the mall successfully, our "heroes" might be able to pay the Schlaaang company back, but that's going to be easier said than done and, if they get spotted by their former employer prior to earning the cash, they will be executed without remorse.
This is the cinematic equivalent of sitting in a bathtub while little children fill it with their diarrhoea. Oh wait, not only is this the movie the equivalent of that mental picture, but what I described is also one of the most "memorable" scenes in the movie (intercut with another character participating in one of the lamest gag sex scenes ever). At the beginning I had such low expectations I was kind of laughing but this drove itself into 0 star territory within 15 minutes of the opening credits. Endless gross-out jokes that weren't funny, characters so stupid that if there was any justice in the world they would get set on fire and then eaten alive by sharks, a nonsensical plot with a cheap cop-out ending make it a painful experience. As the cherry on the vomit sundae, the film is built on this ridiculous concept non-comedy. It all swirls together to makes this one of the worst, if not THE worst comedy I've ever seen. Some of the "jokes" included are: people awkwardly masturbating, obsessions with "Top Gun", two men bathing together, penis piercings, the same words being repeated over and over and cheap special effects. The movie tries to be so unfunny that it becomes funny again, daring the audience not to laugh by saying "Hey, isn't it funny that everything on the screen isn't funny? What kind of fool are you coming into this comedy expecting to find jokes, clever setups and punch lines?" To make things worse, the film is not only abysmal, but it's unmemorable and often cringe-inducing so even if you knew how torturous of an experience sitting through this disaster would be ahead of time, you can't make fun of it on a "so bad, it's good" level.
If you are a fan of the show Tim and Eric star in, there is a chance you might enjoy it, but overall it establishes itself as complete garbage very quickly and goes downhill from there. "Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie" is a complete waste of time and there are probably some people out there that will disagree with me, but I strongly suspect that the only reason they enjoy it is because they have it playing on a loop in their basement as a mental torture device for their worst enemies. (Dvd, September 30, 2012)
It's unfortunate that their flair lies in short-form comedy, and indeed the two moments which are actually funny in the film are in this form (short ads, hilariously goofed). But that's about it. It's not squirmy, it's just sick and unpleasant. And not funny.