The Tourist Reviews
When Elise Ward (Jolie) receives a message from Alexander Pearce, her partner-in-hiding, directing her to lead her tail on a wild goose chase to Venice, she obliges, using Frank Tupelo (Depp) as a fake Pearce in order to throw them off the scent. What results is a sadly underwhelming case of mistaken identity as the police go from believing that Frank is Pearce to believing that he's Frank and back again, all the while revealing the most tired twists in the book about our characters. By the time the end rolls around, if you haven't already fallen asleep, you'll be ready to strangle someone as they bring about their most condescending trick of all. It's an insult to the intelligence of their audience that the filmmakers believe that an audience would not only be taken in by such a trick, but in awe of their trickiness.
The script is dismal. With two, maybe three, good lines to its name, it is consistently bland, always dull and never more than slightly entertaining. It serves only to get the story from one place to another and anything else is obviously too strenuous for the writers. In fact, every line that raises more than a chuckle can be found in the trailer, which makes the actual experience of watching the film even more depressing.
Making the script even worse is the direction. It's slow, confused and seems to have been phoned in or made into work experience for a first year film and tv student. Strange seeing as Donnersmarck's other notable work, The Lives of Others, is widely acclaimed as incredible, particularly for its fantastic direction. The editing is heavy, lingering on every boring shot for what seems to be an eternity each time. A rooftop chase which should be thrilling and fraught with danger comes off as, once again, bland and dull. Nothing comes off as it should and the whole venture seems misjudged and all over the place tonally.
Jolie and Depp don't ever seem to know what they should be doing. Depp makes the most of it however, being his usual quirky self, but Angelina seems to have lost all other expressions bar one which she wears the entire time. It's strange that a woman nominated for an Oscar for her incredible turn in Changeling would be capable of such a lacklustre performance. Though, to be fair, she didn't have too much to work with in light of the dreadful script. Paul Bettany is similarly dreadful as Inspector Acheson, the kind of officer who could only exist in a film. Timothy Dalton's part is cut far too short, as he almost steals the film away from everyone with less than ten minutes of screen time. But in general, the acting leaves a lot to be desired. You almost miss the ridiculously over-the-top performances that Depp has offered up in the past. Almost.
All in all, this film will insult your intelligence, bore you to death and frustrate you to death by the time its ridiculous ending rolls around. DO NOT WATCH!
From the slew of terrible scenes, its gonna be tough to find the best one, but it might be the first train meeting. Maybe.