Vampire Dog (2012)
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8/11/2013: Retarded! How did this get made into a movie and how did I allow it on my tv. Just plain dumb.
For those who think that the The Twilight series are the worst things associated with Vampires clearly haven't seen Vampire Dog. Vampire Dog might be a kid friendly movie trying get across a message about fitting in a new school and anti-bullying, but it fails to even entertain kids. Vampire Dog is about a kid who gets his deceased grandfather's vampire dog (because apparently all grandparents have a vampire dog) and there's some plot about saving a school from closing down and some stupid adults trying to this vampire dog for an anti-aging product. No wonder I was only the one in theaters and it failed to entertain for most of it duration. This movie takes place in Legosi county, yes, there's a reference to Bella Legosi Dracula in a movie where a dog is a vampire. The characters here are one dimensional, the villains are stupid, and has many pointless moments. One of these pointless moments being a kid dreaming about acting like a monkey around a girl he has a crush on, as far as I know this had no relevance of any kind. The jokes are very unfunny and they constantly fall flat. Get this, the vampire dog doesn't like blood and instead eats red jelly. I still can't believe this even after watching it and what kind of vampire doesn't survive on blood. One of my main problems with this movie being the love interest who's a nerd and you can tell she's a nerd because she wears glasses. The plot is very boring skipping nearly every chance to explain something. In one scene our talking vampire dog tells us a bit about his past in 1942 and then cuts to a screen saying "A While Later" and ending his story with "and that's why the chicken cross the road". How did a story that started in 1942 end with a chicken crossing the road? Though by far one of the worst aspect about our vampire dog is that he's allergic to sunlight yet there's time he makes contact with sunlight and doesn't get hurt. Believe it or not our main character love interest actually finds a cures for the vampire dog illness of sunlight which just happens to be allergy medicine. So the next time a vampire can't go into the sunlight just tell to buy allergy medicine and they'll be just fine according to this movie. The acting here are at the same level as the special effects, uninspired and lazy. The acting is both bland and wooden. Especially the villains acting whose performances are over the top that they must have come from a rejected Disney TV show. Even during the bloopers during in the closing credits does it show our actors messing up on the simplest of scene, my favorite blooper being a grown man failing to break a package of eggs by sitting on them. The special effects are just there to be unconvincing, you won't believe a vampire dog can hypnotize people into acting like chickens or talk. Vampire Dog is a movie that even Disney would even call too childish. There's better family movies you could watch that won't fail to entertain you or anybody for that matter. If you ever see a copy of Vampire Dog just leave alone as this is one vampire better left at a pound.
One part Wishbone and one part Saturday morning cartoon, Entertainment One's new straight-to-DVD movie, Vampire Dog, is a fun family friendly movie that is great for any family with young children. This family friendly movie is a perfect fit for any young child's Halloween party. The story centers on five hundred year old vampire dog named Fang (voiced by SNL alum Norm MacDonald). Macdonald's voice work gives fang the same personality as Wishbone. For those who don't know, Wishbone was a little Jack Russell Terrier who promoted literacy in his own show on PBS during the 90's. He was voiced by Larry Brantley. While Fang might not be a Jack Russell, his small stature and attitude imbued by MacDonald make him just as much a joy to watch as Wishbone. Vampire Dog has a lot of good for parents and kids alike. Parents will like the central themes of believing in oneself and overcoming bullies. Sure, Vampire Dog is a Halloween movie on the surface. But being that bullying is such a hot button issue right now, it's nice to still be able to get these positive messages in there, at the same time without being too preachy. Parents will also appreciate the theme of friendship exemplified by Fang and his young owner and friend, Ace Cunningham. Fang and Ace meet after Ace and his mother move to a new town and Ace's mother takes a job as the new music teacher at Lugosi Public School. Yes, that's Lugosi as in the famed horror actor, Bela Lugosi. There's also reference made late in the movie to the classic, The Wizard of Oz. Parents and movie buffs will especially appreciate these references to Hollywood's old guard. And of course there are just enough fart jokes to make any young audiences laugh riotously. Most of those jokes come from Fang. Even more family friendly is that instead of drinking blood, Fang eats red jello. Just like Garfield despises the thought of eating mice, Fang explains to Ace and his young love interest, Skylar, why he prefers jello to blood. That explanation is worth its own share of laughs, too. Vampire Dog offers a lot of enjoyment both for kids and parents alike. For all the positive messages, fart jokes and other great elements, there's no denying that the two sub-stories contained within the main plot have more holes than a pound of Swiss cheese. A school can't just be shut down on one person's whim, for example. And that the school's principal would be involved in such a scheme would get him not only fired, but arrested too, for accepting bribes. That's just a couple in a handful of issues that come up in the near ninety minute feature. But those holes can be forgiven considering the laughs that families will have throughout the movie. Along with all the jokes, there is also plenty of physical comedy on the part of Frank (Ron Pederson). Frank is the bumbling assistant to the evil Cruella DeVille style villain, Dr. Warhol (Amy Matysio). Frank constantly has to do Dr. Warhol's bidding in her attempts to trap Fang and get the secret of immortality hidden in his blood. She wants to trap him as she is trying to come up with a new anti-aging cream that will make her rich. Fang constantly gets the better of both Frank and Warhol every time though. And each time, Frank ends up the butt of the jokes. Many times, he even ends up on his butt, too. Vampire Dog isn't meant to be one of those movies that audiences watch every year. Audiences need to keep in mind that it wasn't meant to be a ground breaking epic for young audiences. Being that Halloween comes not that long after the start of the new school year, the anti-bullying and pro friendship messages are nice tie-ins with the general Halloween theme of the story since most schools across the country have just gotten back into session for the new year. And with any luck, the references to Hollywood's old guard will get younger audiences interested in the film industry's golden era, reminding them of what used to make Hollywood truly great. All combined, everything put into Vampire Dog may not make it the most memorable Halloween movie ever written. But it is still one that families will enjoy every year. It's available now in stores and online.
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