Vampires Suck - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

Vampires Suck Reviews

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Dennis King
Tulsa World
July 25, 2014
With the level of humor here running to flatulence jokes, groin kicks and high-school smart-aleck cracks, their movie does, indeed, (surely no other critic in the world will be this clever) SUCK!
Full Review | Original Score: 0.5/4
W. Scott Poole
PopMatters
July 25, 2014
Vampires Suck, and films like it, not only fail to parody elements of contemporary society, they barely spoof the genre they are trying to mock.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/10
Gareth C. Evans
Future Movies UK
October 30, 2010
There was a time when, for a certain generation, the release of a new Naked Gun or Hot Shots movie would be cause for real excitement.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/10
James Luxford
The National (UAE)
August 30, 2011
A banal mess that sacrifices anything resembling satire for a series of smutty jokes.
Full Review | Original Score: 0/5
John Gholson
Cinematical
February 9, 2012
There are few things worse than watching a comedy flatline for over an hour, tossing its "funny parts" into a vacuum of uncomfortable silence.
Top Critic
Natalie Southwick
Boston Globe
August 19, 2010
With Vampires Suck, the film is just as guilty as the vampires.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/4
Tim Martain
The Mercury
September 2, 2010
THE most surprising thing about Vampires Suck is that some parts of it almost work. Almost.
Full Review | Original Score: 0.5/5
Mike Barnard
Future Movies UK
February 18, 2011
Only Friedberg and Seltzer could film this dross with the belief they are making even a half-decent comedy.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/10
Adam Tobias
Watertown Daily Times
August 18, 2010
So here I am, down on my knees, begging you not to go see "Vampires Suck." Who knows? If we can get enough people to stay away from the theater, maybe we will finally be able to rid ourselves of Friedberg and Seltzer once and for all.
Full Review | Original Score: .5/5
Top Critic
Roger Moore
Orlando Sentinel
August 18, 2010
It's the sort of movie where "finger food" is offered at a party. And it's fingers. Haw.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/4
Zak Jason
Boston Phoenix
August 26, 2010
Will it top Rotten Tomatoes' worst of the worst at year's end? If anyone still remembers it by then, it'll be the leading candidate.
Full Review | Original Score: 0.5/4
Roz Laws
Birmingham Post
October 13, 2010
The Twilight Saga is an obvious target for parody, but this crude and unfunny movie makes a hash of it.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/5
Simon Foster
sbs.com.au
August 26, 2010
The greatest achievement of Vampires Suck is an entirely unintentional one -- in condensing the key story elements of the three Twilight films into less than 90 minutes, it pinpoints what bloated melodramas Meyers' films really are.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/5
Russell Lewin
SFX Magazine
October 19, 2010
A movie that will have you pining to watch the real Twilight films. Yes, it's that bad.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/5
Karen Krizanovich
Radio Times
October 14, 2010
The erratic, barely humorous dialogue here is even more ghastly than your average spoof, while Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer's direction is patchy, to say the least.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/5
Karlie Jeffrey
FILMINK (Australia)
August 26, 2010
However, there is a shining light. And that is first-timer Proske. She's obviously done her homework because her twitching, moping performance of Kristen Stewart's Bella is spot on. In fact, it's so good that it becomes annoying.
Robbie Collin
News of the World
October 10, 2010
Talent borrows, genius steals. Rank idiocy, on the other hand, spoofs.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/5
Matt Stevens
E! Online
August 19, 2010
What sucks more than vampires? Lame, lazy movie parodies aimed at attention-deficient tweens.
Full Review | Original Score: D+
Top Critic
Nick Schager
Time Out
August 23, 2010
Below bottom-of-the-barrel.
Full Review | Original Score: 0/5
Eric D. Snider
EricDSnider.com
August 19, 2010
It achieves the basic minimum level of narrative competence. Still not funny, though.
Full Review | Original Score: D-
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