Van Helsing - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

Van Helsing Reviews

August 1, 2004
The horror flick, at its height, was a lyrical caressing of our fears; by the end of this nonsense, you fear for the well-being of the genre. 'It's dead!'
June 6, 2004
It's empty calories: There isn't a single nourishing, non-synthetic sequence in the entire movie. Not a scene. Not a line. Not a look.
May 20, 2004
This moronic abomination is not a movie. It's just a noisy, nasty and repulsive video game-slash- theme-park haunted-house ride designed to appeal to the offspring of warlocks and trolls.
May 13, 2004
This is one of the dopiest movies of the year.
May 11, 2004
The orgy of morphing, shrieking, lightning-cracking, and habitual rope-swinging quickly turns oppressive.
May 7, 2004
A special-effects extravaganza that uses the barest of excuses to bring these characters together.
May 7, 2004
There's never a dull moment, but there's also never a moment. It never stops. It's a perpetual-motion machine.
May 7, 2004
A junk-food feast for the eyes and utterly thought-cleansing fast for the intellect.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/5
May 7, 2004
This movie is just too silly for words.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
May 7, 2004
A big, loud, boring wreck.
Full Review | Original Score: 0/4
May 7, 2004
This is what happens when you spend pots of money on special effects but don't give a fig about storytelling.
May 7, 2004
A turbo-charged retelling of the Dracula, Frankenstein and Wolf Man sagas, this extravagant creature-feature crams everything in but Abbott and Costello.
Read More | Original Score: 2/5
May 7, 2004
The experience of watching the film is best described as deadening.
May 7, 2004
Van Helsing is more amusing and exciting than frightening.
Read More | Original Score: 2.5/4
May 7, 2004
Old monster movies were thrilling in a way that mingled terror, sexuality and a real preference for the monsters over their tormentors. Van Helsing is a kiddie adventure on an endless, meaningless loop.
Read More | Original Score: 2/4
May 7, 2004
The rare kind of movie where the badness just adds to the fun.
Read More | Original Score: 2.5/4
May 7, 2004
We've seen worse movies -- I'm sure of it -- but this opening salvo of the summer season is so extravagantly, off-the-wall bad it pushes the others from memory.
Read More | Original Score: F
May 7, 2004
The idea is every bit as dumb as the execution.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/4
May 7, 2004
No one's going to argue that Van Helsing is a great movie, but it's just the sort of loud, splashy, silly, summer fun flick we've come to expect.
Read More | Original Score: B-
May 7, 2004
Loud, clunky attempt at updating the classic Universal Pictures baddies of the '30s and '40s.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/4
May 7, 2004
A vampire movie that's dressed to kill, but unable to draw blood.
Read More | Original Score: C
May 7, 2004
Enjoying the overblown but well-intentioned Van Helsing requires the campy mind-set of that TV show, not the spooky gravity of classic monster flicks.
May 7, 2004
Silly and spectacular, and fun.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/5
May 7, 2004
Van Helsing is one excruciatingly loud set piece of CGI hooey after another, and when a character or a plot twist does manage to make you laugh, you're not sure whether it's camp or ineptitude.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
May 6, 2004
Looks like a movie assembled by a room full of computer geeks munching Doritos and playing Wolfenstein in between stints of designing Dracula's fangs.
Read More | Original Score: 2/5
May 6, 2004
The dashing Jackman plays his part well enough, but the script doesn't provide sufficient Indiana Jones-style bons mots to win us over.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/4
May 6, 2004
A shrieking bore.
Read More | Original Score: 1/4
May 6, 2004
A noisy, 19th-century fantasy adventure that goes nowhere.
Read More | Original Score: 1.5/4
May 6, 2004
Despite the rococo obsessiveness of its special effects and its voracious sampling of past horror movies, Van Helsing is mostly content to offer warmed-over allusions and secondhand thrills.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/5
May 6, 2004
More and more summer movies depend on relentless action sequences at the expense of coherent narrative, but Van Helsing might be the first whose overkill reaches nuclear capacity.
Full Review | Original Score: .5/4
May 6, 2004
It's all cliffhangers, with no downtime in between.
May 6, 2004
The film is an unending cavalcade of razzle-dazzle that becomes continuously less dazzling.
Full Review | Original Score: C-
May 6, 2004
Stephen Sommers' follow-up to his popular Mummy remakes is all climax and no foreplay, all computer effects but zero sense of dread.
Read More | Original Score: 2/4
May 6, 2004
Van Helsing is the worst would-be summer blockbuster since Battlefield Earth.
Full Review | Original Score: .5/4
May 6, 2004
A mess, but not a fun mess.
Read More | Original Score: 1.5/4
May 6, 2004
A long, kinetic, yet dreary mess.
Full Review | Original Score: D+
May 6, 2004
A movie that's underwritten, overdirected, overproduced and almost constantly over-the-top. But it's also, at its best, a big tongue-in-cheek extravaganza.
Read More | Original Score: 3/4
May 6, 2004
Stuffed with enough over-the-top computer effects to choke George Lucas.
Read More | Original Score: C-
May 3, 2004
The concoction seems far more contrived than plausible, but the sense of evil overkill is entirely representative of the picture itself, which repeatedly looks ready to blow all its fuses due to sensory overload.
May 3, 2004
This creature feature is exhilarating fun, a richly designed and often quite funny re-exploration of the movie past.