Wedding Crashers - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Wedding Crashers Quotes

  • Himself: Hey, I'm Kelly. I've got a compulsion.


  • Jeremy Grey: She's fit for a strait-jacket. This broad's fucked three ways towards the weekend. But you know what, Father? I dig it! It turns me on.


  • John Beckwith: Get up, you're making us look like pussies.
    Jeremy Grey: If I had any air in my lungs I'd scream at you.


  • Jeremy Grey: I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. Okay? I'm not gonna apologize, I'm a cocksman!


  • Jeremy Grey: [on the phone with Gloria] Bunch those panties up into a little ball, and put that little ball right in your mouth. Oh, yeah...


  • Sack: Claire, you get your fucking ass on that altar right now!
    Chazz Reinhold: Wow, we're getting a great preview of what marriage is gonna be like with Ike Turner over here.


  • Grandma Mary Cleary: But that wife of his, Eleanor... Big dyke! Huge dyke. A real rug muncher. Looked like a big lesbian mule.


  • Grandma Mary Cleary: You're a homo.


  • Jeremy Grey: Todd, I notice you haven't even touched your food yet.
    Todd Cleary: I don't eat meat or fish.
    Grandma Mary Cleary: He's a homo.


  • John Beckwith: Wow, they feel really nice. Real orb-like. It's amazing what they can do...
    Kathleen Cleary: Pervert!


  • Kathleen Cleary: I'm not letting you out of this room until you feel them.


  • Kathleen Cleary: I just had my tits done. You like 'em?
    John Beckwith: Those... seem like lovely tits.
    Kathleen Cleary: William doesn't give a shit about my tits.


  • Mrs. Kroeger: Her name is Chastity. She is white trash, same as you. Hillbilly!


  • Randolph: You banging the daughter and the grandma? How much jam you got, man?


  • Jeremy Grey: Listen, I'm getting married.
    John Beckwith: Get out.


  • John Beckwith: What are you doing? It's a game of touch football, every time I look over you're on your ass again.


  • Chazz Reinhold: Mom the meatloaf!!! FUCK!!!
    Chazz Reinhold: Mom the meatloaf! FUCK!


  • Todd Cleary: We had a moment had the dinner table didn't we?
    Jeremy Grey: No we didn't have a moment at the dinner table!!
    Jeremy Grey: No we didn't have a moment at the dinner table!
    Todd Cleary: Yes we did have a moment.
    Jeremy Grey: There was no moment, I was there. If I was there don't you think I would have noticed if there was a moment?
    Jeremy Grey: There was no moment, I was there. If I was there don't you think I would have noticed if there was a moment?


  • John Beckwith: I Crashed a Funeral Earlier
    John Beckwith: I crashed a funeral today.


  • Jeremy Grey: Just the tip, just to see how it feels...


  • Chazz Reinhold: I rode my bike over to the cemetary nearby her boyfriend just died.
    John Beckwith: You met her at a funeral.?
    John Beckwith: You met her at a funeral?
    Chazz Reinhold: Yeah dude died a handgliding accident, what an idiot ha ha ha ha, ahh im handgliding take a picture im dead ha ha ha what a freak.


  • Jeremy Grey: why dont you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole family and have some real problems, Jackass, what were they like anyway they look pretty good are they real are they built for speed or for comfort, what you do with them motorboat, you play the motorboat, you motorboating son of a bitch you old sailor you.
    Jeremy Grey: Why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems, jackass. Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat?


  • John Beckwith: Rule No. 5: You're an idiot.


  • Grandma Mary Cleary: He's a homo.


  • John Beckwith: Could you say that a little louder I don't think the preist heard you.


  • Todd Cleary: What is our situation dad?!


  • Chazz Reinhold: Mom the meatloaf!!!
    Chazz Reinhold: Mom the meatloaf!


  • Chazz Reinhold: its like fishing with dynamite
    Chazz Reinhold: Its like fishing with dynamite.


  • Chazz Reinhold: Almost nunchucked you. you don't realise how lucky you are
    Chazz Reinhold: Almost nunchucked you. you don't realise how lucky you are.


  • Chazz Reinhold: Just living the dream
    Chazz Reinhold: Just living the dream.


  • John Beckwith: You picked her up at a funeral?? Chazz I respect you and think you're an innovator but I'm just not ready for that. (queue funeral music)
    John Beckwith: You picked her up at a funeral? Chazz I respect you and think you're an innovator but I'm just not ready for that. [queue funeral music]


  • John Beckwith: You ever feel like you're disappearing..?? I feel so much like giving up.
    John Beckwith: You ever feel like you're disappearing? I feel so much like giving up.


  • Jeremy Grey: I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup. I love maple syrup! I love maple syrup on pancakes, I love it on pizza! Sometimes I take maple syrup and put a little in my hair. What do you think holds it up, slick?


  • Mrs. Kroeger: You shut your mouth when you're talkin to me!
    Mrs. Kroeger: You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!


  • John Beckwith: Baba ghanoush!


  • Chazz Reinhold: Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac, look it up.
    Chazz Reinhold: Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac.


  • Chazz Reinhold: Oh I'm hand-gliding, honey, take a good picture I'm dead!
    Chazz Reinhold: Oh, I'm hang gliding! Honey, take a good picture. I'm dead!


  • Jeremy Grey: Lock it up!


  • Chazz Reinhold: MA! THE MEATLOAF!


  • Jeremy Grey: Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.


  • Chazz Reinhold: What is she doing back there? I never know what she's doing.


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