Yoga Hosers (2016)

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Critic Consensus: Undisciplined, unfunny, and bereft of evident purpose, Yoga Hosers represents a particularly grating low point in Kevin Smith's once-promising career.

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Movie Info

15-year-old yoga-nuts Colleen Collette and Colleen McKenzie love their smart phones and hate their after school job at Manitoban convenience store Eh-2-Zed. But when an ancient evil rises from beneath Canada's crust and threatens their big invitation to a Grade 12 party, the Colleens join forces with the legendary man-hunter from Montreal named Guy Lapointe to fight for their lives with all seven Chakras, one Warrior Pose at a time. Depp, Depp the younger and Smith the younger are returning in the roles they created for TUSK.

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Cast

Lily-Rose Depp
as Colleen Collette
Harley Quinn Smith
as Colleen McKenzie
Johnny Depp
as Guy Lapointe
Justin Long
as Yogi Bayer
Haley Joel Osment
as Adrien Arcand
Genesis Rodriguez
as Ms. Wicklund
Ralph Garman
as Old Man Arcane
Harley Morenstein
as Toilet Paper Man
Tony Hale
as Bob Collette
Austin Butler
as Hunter Calloway
Adam Brody
as Ichabod
Tyler Posey
as Gordon Greenleaf
Jason Mewes
as Rogue Cop
Vanessa Paradis
as Ms. Maurice
Stan Lee
as Dispatcher
David S. Greathouse
as Goalie Golem
Robert Kurtzman
as Puppeteer
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Critic Reviews for Yoga Hosers

All Critics (57) | Top Critics (12)

What makes Smith a dynamic podcaster -- his shambolic, off-the-cuff storytelling -- is his undoing as a filmmaker.

Sep 2, 2016 | Full Review…
TheWrap
Top Critic

If the creators of South Park had made it, Yoga Hosers might have been hysterical.

Sep 2, 2016 | Rating: 1.5/4 | Full Review…

The entire film has the strange feel of watching an elaborately produced home movie to be played at a holiday party rather than a movie theater.

Sep 1, 2016 | Full Review…

Writer-director-comic-book-artist-cult-figure Kevin Smith's latest exercise in questionable taste goes literally from bad to wurst.

Sep 1, 2016 | Full Review…

It all seems like something that was hatched during a particularly neuron-impaired free-association game.

Sep 1, 2016 | Full Review…

Smith seems to have soured to the idea of making films for anyone outside his circle of fans, podcast co-hosts, and family members. Yoga Hosers, the latest feature-length podcast digression from Smith, proves how small that circle really is.

Sep 1, 2016 | Rating: D- | Full Review…

Audience Reviews for Yoga Hosers

The girls are not bad, but the movie is just crap. Not funny.

Nicki Marie
Nicki Marie

Super Reviewer

½

From Kevin Smith comes the horror-comedy Yoga Hosers, the second entry in his True North trilogy. The story follows two convenience store clerks who get charged with murder when a party goes wrong, and to prove their innocence they team up with a private detective to hunt down a group of diminutive creatures who live beneath their store and are behind a string of murders. Harley Quinn Smith and Lily-Rose Depp lead the cast, and while Depp has a magnetic screen presence (like her father), Smith is death weight. The characters are poorly written, and the story is incredibly dumb. And, the humor isn't really that funny; lacking the clever wit of Kevin Smith's earlier films. Yet there are some fun cameos that longtime fans will enjoy, and the soundtrack is really well-done. But Yoga Hosers is little more than a vehicle for Kevin Smith and Johnny Depp to showcase (and work with) their daughters, and it all falls flat.

Dann Michalski
Dann Michalski

Super Reviewer

The story didn't really fit but the energy of the film works well. Kevin Smith still has some banter left in those fingers and I think it is a shame he is spends too much time with these comic book tv shows. The over the top style is fitting and all the characters are having a great time so it's hard not to be swept up in the fun. The film will divide audiences and I can see why people don't like it, certain people think Mallrats is a giant waste of time, not me though. Not without flaws but hardly the debacle people are painting it to be, these films are for certain fans so the isolation to the mainstream audience is clearly evident.

Brendan Nicholls
Brendan Nicholls

Super Reviewer

½

Kevin Smith has been a filmmaker who has flouted expectations. When people didn't think the Clerks guy could make a religious thriller, he did it. When people said a movie about a man being transformed into a walrus creature was undoable, he did it. I was a moderate fan of Tusk, that man-as-walrus-as-Frankenstein movie that started as a joke premise from Smith's popular podcast and then given strange cinematic life. Yoga Hosers is the second part in Smith's "True North" trilogy of Canadian-set horror films. I wasn't expecting much with Yoga Hosers and I felt like I got even less than that. Colleen Collete (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen McKenzie (Harley Quinn Smith) are bored clerks at a Winnipeg convenience store. Their world is turned upside down when an attractive senior boy invites them to a "grade 12" party. Too bad they have to work, though even when on the clock the girls hardly work, instead preferring to jam in the back storage room as a fledging rock band. The girls have bigger threats than unruly customers. They'll have to battle bad Satanists, forgotten Canadian Nazis, and tiny bratwurst men who leak sauerkraut when smashed. What's a Canuck to do? The two areas that have always been the hallmarks of a Kevin Smith movie, his idiosyncratic characterization and ribald humor, are both strangely absent and desperately needed. Within the first ten minutes of the movie, I turned to my friend and confided, "I think I hate these girls already." It's somewhat ironic that Smith has gone back again to the bored convenience store clerks as the platform for his heroes. Where Dante and Randall were railing against pop-culture, adult responsibility, and a society that constantly made them feel inferior for their menial occupations, these girls aren't railing against anything. If anything they're retreating from the world, their noses constantly glued to their smart phones and social media. The excursions with youth culture feel rather inauthentic. The teen dialogue lacks comic snap and repeats phrases too often that it feels like set-up for T-shirt slogans ("Basic!"). Smith is far from his territory of dick and fart jokes and esoteric pop-culture detours. We're introduced to many new characters with a slam edit of an Instagram-like cover page accompanied by an irritatingly chirpy 8-bit score. The intro graphics appear so quickly to have little impact other than annoyance. The lead characters have no engaging personalities. They have an infatuation with older, cute boys, a love of yoga, a general attitude with authority, and a common level of self-involvement, but they're not characters. They're goofy but rarely are they grounded or better developed. One girl is daft and the other girl is... less daft. I'm not expecting these characters to have depth considering this is a movie with one-foot tall killer bratwurst Nazis, but some degree of personality is demanded. It's the bare minimum. Smith's millennial satire is fairly toothless, which sadly is much like the comedy of Yoga Hosers. I hope you like puns and jokes about how funny Canadian accents are. The Colleens says "soory aboot that" and isn't that hilarious? How about a convenience store called "Eh-2-Zed"? How about a yogi whose name is Yogi Bayer? How about an off-brand version of Lucky Charms called Pucky Charms? Why are there so many freaking puns? Then there's the re-emergence of Johnny Depp's wacky Quebec investigator, Guy Lapointe, allowing Depp to indulge his tendency for prosthetics and heavy accents. The shticky Lapointe character absolutely derailed Tusk and whatever unsettling momentum had been built, but he feels far more at home in the goofy world of Yoga Hosers. I might even say his presence is one of the highlights, as once more Depp gets to sink his teeth into all the Peter Sellers physical comedy tics he's been holding back. There's just not enough comedy to go around here. There are goofy elements that crash into one another, like the Brat-Zis and a gigantic Goalie Golem, but it feels very much like Smith is just throwing a lot of dispirit elements together and expecting cohesion. He might even be expecting the audience to be satiated just in seeing something "different." While Red State and Tusk were films that had sharp tonal shifts, Yoga Hosers never really settles into the silly supernatural teen comedy it desires to be. I laughed here and there but it was mostly attributed to Smith letting his more capable comic actors go off on tangents, like Justin Long's yogi and his unorthodox poses. Ralph Garman, Smith podcast regular, shows up late as a Nazi who prefers to discuss his plans via celebrity impressions, a talent of Garman's. It's the kind of "hell, why not?" plotting that dominates the movie and makes you wonder if there ever was a finished script. I doubt any version of this story would have materialized if it wasn't starring the daughters of Kevin Smith and Johnny Depp, and I don't have a huge issue with this. Nepotism has been a core function of Hollywood for over a hundred years, and if Smith wants to create a vehicle for his daughter, by all means. The two young ladies have an pleasant chemistry and are believable BFFs. Their back-and-forth will occasionally elevate the jokes, like their insistent yet limited Batman impressions. Harley Quinn Smith has an enjoyable mugging quality that shows she's studied her expressions from the school of Silent Bob. Her companion, Lily-Rose Depp, may be the real breakout. She's the more consistent actor and the stronger anchor for the film. Even when the dialogue lets her down she still infuses a notable energy into her performance. There's an emerging talent under the surface that looks ready for discovery, and perhaps the French film Planetarium with Natalie Portman will make others take notice. I get the impression that Kevin Smith and Johnny Depp are proud papas and just wanted to have fun together as a family. Consider the movie the equivalent of a quirky sweet 16-birthday party. Yoga Hosers is a movie for a very select group of people, perhaps only Smith's immediate family, friends, and most ardent of podcast listeners. I doubt that's me. I've been a Smith fan since my own teens. His was one of the cinematic voices that awoken my own sense of what movies could be. I miss the caustic wit that separated Smith from the indie pack. The man was one of the few writers who could spin crass vulgarity into Shakespearean gold. He was a writing talent that many emulated but few could reproduce. Smith's whip-smart comic perspective has always been his biggest cinematic draw, but with Yoga Hosers it feels decidedly neutered and wound down. I know he has gone on record saying he's making the movies he wants to make without interference, but it doesn't feel like the same Smith. Admittedly, a filmmaker in his early 20s is going to have a different perspective and creative impulses than a husband and father in his mid 40s. This apparently means that Smith has veered away from his conversational comedies and button-pushing topics and bought fully into genre filmmaking, mixing a pastiche of horror elements and varying tones. As an artist he doesn't owe me or any other fans anything. Yoga Hosers might be a one-off, a love letter to his teen daughter and her bestie, or it could portend what is to come. Kevin Smith is making movies for himself at this point in his career. If you feel left out in that equation, like me, that's okay. We can always go back and watch Clerks again. From my viewpoint, it feels like Smith is voluntarily erasing what made him a unique cinematic voice and choosing to disappear into the benign morass of schlocky genre filmmaking. Nate's Grade: C-

Nate Zoebl
Nate Zoebl

Super Reviewer

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