Bad Boys for Life
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That feeling you have, the anticipation, of watching a movie you know nothing about for the first time. Theatrical releases are more likely to pay off, but straight to DVD releases usually have an expected outcome and "You're Nobody 'til Somebody Kills You" makes it quite clear which pile it expects you to throw it into. This is one of those instances where the trailers attached to the movie look better than the movie you're about to watch, but they'll still be terrible anyway. It's not like horror fans don't know what to expect from a movie starring Bill Moseley by now or a werewolf movie with Tom Felton from "Harry Potter" billed as the main star. The issue is there's nothing enjoyable about "You're Nobody 'til Somebody Kills You."
The acting is stale from all sides. None of the dialogue feels natural; it's all forced. It doesn't help that the screenplay is incredibly weak; about 30% of it is devoted to F-bombs and mother F-bombs. "You think we lost 'em?" "Who?" "Snap, Crackle, and Pop, stupid. The cops!" That's about as good as the screenplay gets. It honestly seems like a fan of the rap and hip hop industry just woke up one morning, jumped out of bed, and went, "Why am I not writing movies? This s**t practically writes itself!" Then there's the music that seems amateurish at best and it's noticeably lip synched by the actors.
Of all the actors, the detectives are the ones that make you wince the least. Michael Mosley is the stand out here, but his character mostly just loves hip hop a little too much and he spends most of the movie drooling over women. James McDaniel is the straight laced, do things by the book detective; he wants to get the job done and go home. On the other hand though, Assiatou Lea who plays Terrell in the movie, is awful. She either overacts or underacts and is never really able to find the right middle ground. All of the rappers and artists in the movie are all cut from the same mold and all act the same, so it's difficult to care about any of their characters.
If you're going to make a movie like this, where there's this huge whodunnit type vibe, you could at least make the conclusion somewhat worthwhile. On the cover of the DVD, you see somebody in a hoodie wearing make-up that's inspired by the human skull. There are literally two instances in the movie where you see something like this, but it lasts for a split second and it turns out to be the other characters just seeing things. Once the killer is revealed and you're shown the little montage of all their killings, they're not wearing the make-up. So the biggest drawing factor of the movie didn't even make it past the cutting room floor.
Coming back to the ending though, this is one of the least satisfying endings to any movie all year. Nothing is resolved and characters do things under false pretenses. It's just a waste of an hour and a half. If the rest of the movie had been any good, you'd probably be furious. It becomes more and more ridiculous the more you think about it, too. How many golf balls can you fit in one hole? How many cars can a train pull? You mostly just find yourself wishing you'd poked that flattened squirrel rotting on the asphalt with a stick for awhile rather than spend any time on whatever the hell this movie is trying to be.
"You're Nobody 'til Somebody Kills You" is just cliché, boring, and dull. It's not completely terrible, but you wouldn't even want to watch it when nothing else was on. The body count isn't even that high; three on-screen deaths and two off-screen. That's it. Very little blood, quick cuts, a lame story, stupid dialogue, and a finale about as appealing as a pile of dog turds; it's like a rap music video with all of the cars and women taken out of it. "What's the point then?" You might ask. You've just solved the mystery, Watson.