Zombieland - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes

Zombieland Quotes

  • Tallahassee: I've never been good with farewells so... That'll do, pig.


  • Tallahassee: I hate coconut! Not the taste, the consistency.


  • Columbus: Yeah, I shave every morning but sometimes by like 4:30 I'll have a thing. I mean, I know it's called a five o'clock shadow but sometimes I'll get it prematurely.


  • Columbus: Don't let them catch you with your pants down.


  • Tallahassee: Time to nutt up or shut up.


  • Tallahassee: In Mexico, you know what they call Twinkies? "Los submarinos."


  • Little Rock: Who's Bill Murray?
    Tallahassee: I've never hit a kid before. I mean, that's like asking who Gandhi is.
    Little Rock: Who's Gandhi?


  • Tallahassee: [searching for Twinkies] Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?
    Tallahassee: Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?


  • Columbus: [a zombie is crushed by a falling piano] Poor flat bastard.
    Columbus: Poor flat bastard.


  • Columbus: The first rule of Zombieland; Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons... were the fatties.
    Columbus: The first rule of Zombieland; Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons were the fatties.


  • Little Rock: Do you have any regrets?
    Himself: Garfield
    Himself: Garfield.


  • Tallahassee: [Opening the trunk of the yellow Hummer and seeing the stash of weapons] THANK GOD FOR REDNECKS!


  • Columbus: You almost knocked over your alcohol with your knife.


  • Columbus: [after his neighbor changes into a zombie] You see? You just can't trust anyone. The first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me.


  • Tallahassee: Bill Murray, you're a zombie?


  • Columbus: [Enters the car with Tallahassee] You know,you really should buckle up.
    Columbus: [Enters the car with Tallahassee] You know, you really should buckle up.
    Tallahassee: [Leaves without putting on the seatbelt] I can tell already, your gonna get on my nerves.


  • Columbus: For obvious reasons, the first ones to go, were the fatties.


  • Tallahassee: Haven't cried like that since Titanic.


  • Little Rock: We are heading towards Fun Land
    Little Rock: We are heading towards Fun Land.
    Little Rock: We are heading towards Pacific Play Land.
    Tallahassee: Ha! That place just blows.. (both girls glare at him), my mind, it is just great.
    Tallahassee: Ha! That place just blows.. [both girls glare at him] my mind, it is just great.


  • Tallahassee: (to Columbus) Want to see how hard I can punch?
    Tallahassee: [to Columbus] Want to see how hard I can punch?


  • Columbus: Remember mad cow diease, well mad cow diease became mad person diease witch became mad zombie diease, it's a fast acting virus witch left you angry, crazy, and with a strong case of the munches...


  • Tallahassee: I'm not great at farewells so uhh... that'll do pig.


  • Tallahassee: Goddamn it, Bill fucking Murray! I had to get that out. I don't mean to gush. This is so surreal. I mean, you probably get this all the time. Maybe not lately, but I'm such a huge fan of yours. You know, I swear, I've seen every one of your movies a million times. I even loved your dramatic roles and just everything. Six people left in the world and one of them is Bill fucking Murray. I know that's not your middle name. I've been watching you since I was like... Since I could masturbate. I mean, not that they're connected.


  • Columbus: You should actually, limber up as well especially, if you're going down that hill its very important.
    Tallahassee: I don't believe in it. You ever seen a lion limber up before taking down a gazelle?


  • Tallahassee: Here's the deal, Columbus...huh Im not easy to get along with and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch.


  • Columbus: Woulda? Coulda? Shoulda?


  • Columbus: It's amazing how quickly thing can go from 'bad' to 'total shit-storm'.


  • Columbus: I'm just kind of like a Sancho Panza character.


  • Tallahassee: Believe it or not Twinkies have an expiration date
    Tallahassee: Believe it or not Twinkies have an expiration date.


  • Columbus: Oh, America. I wish I could tell you that this was still America, but I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people. And there are no people here. No, my friends. This is now the United States of Zombieland.


  • Columbus: oh america i wish i could tell you this is still america but ive come to realize that you cant have a country without people and there are no people here no my friends this is now the united states of zombieland
    Columbus: I wish I could tell you that this was still America, but I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people. And there are no people here. No, my friends. This is now the United States of Zombieland.


  • Columbus: Can't we all drive down the road playing I - Spy or something like 4 normal americans?! Geez! Fuck me!


  • Tallahassee: There are 6 people left in the world and one of them is Bill Freaking Murray! I'm sorry I had to get that out.


  • Columbus: I avoided people like they were zombies before they were all zombies. Now that they are all zombies... I kinda miss people.


  • Columbus: Rule #2 The Double tap.
    Columbus: Rule #2 The double tap.


  • Tallahassee: Where are you, you spongy yellow delicious bastards?


  • Columbus: Remember mad cow disease? Well mad cow became mad person became mad zombie.


  • Tallahassee: Where's the...fucking... TWINKIES?!


  • Tallahassee: There's a box of Twinkies in that grocery store,not just any box of Twinkies the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe.


  • Tallahassee: I've never been good at goodbyes so... That'll do pig.


  • Tallahassee: You're a peppy little spit-fuck, aren't you?


  • Tallahassee: Time to nut up or shut up
    Tallahassee: Time to nut up or shut up.


  • Columbus: Thank you Wichita, thanks Little Rock.
    Tallahassee: [takes gun from Little Rock and points it at her]
    Witchita: [stops car and points gun at Tallahassee]
    Tallahassee: [points gun at Wichita]
    Columbus: Oh, for fuck's sake, enough already! We're being chased by ravenous freaks, we don't have enough problems?! "They stole my Hummer. We have trust issues." We can't just fucking drive down the road playing I SPY or some shit like four normal-ass Americans?! Fuck me!!
    Tallahassee: Whoa.....
    Columbus: I know.


  • Tallahassee: You Know what they call Twinkies in Mexico? "Submarinos"
    Tallahassee: In Mexico, you know what they call Twinkies? 'Los submarinos.'


  • Witchita: So do you have any regrets?
    Little Rock: So do you have any regrets?
    Himself: "Garfield", maybe.
    Himself: 'Garfield', maybe.


  • Tallahassee: Bill FUCKING Murray! I know it's not your middle name, but Bill Fucking Murray!
    Tallahassee: Goddamn it, Bill fucking Murray! I had to get that out. Bill fucking Murray. I know that's not your middle name.


  • Columbus: Let me begin my three-part apology by saying you're a wonderful human being.
    Columbus: Forget about it. But FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less than that.
    Tallahassee: Forget about it. But FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less than that.


  • Columbus: You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like, developed in a secret fucking government lab.
    Columbus: [to Tallahassee] You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like, developed in a secret fucking government lab.


  • Witchita: You know between you, me and What About Bob?... You're actually kinda cute.
    Witchita: You know between you, me and What About Bob? You're actually kinda cute.
    Columbus: You think so?
    Witchita: Yeah. I mean you got the guts of a guppy, but I could hit that.
    Witchita: Yeah. I mean you got the guts of a guppy, but I could hit that.
    Columbus: Really?
    Witchita: Or at least give you the intentional walk to first.


  • Tallahassee: Don't kill me with my own gun!


  • Himself: [last line, after end credits] In the immortal words of Jean-Paul Sartre, 'Au revoir, Gopher.'
    Himself: [last line, after end credits] In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, 'Au revoir, gopher'.


  • Little Rock: Who's Bill Murray?
    Tallahassee: I've never hit a kid before. I mean, that's like asking who Gandhi is.
    Little Rock: Who's Gandhi?


  • Witchita: Quess we should start forming an apoligy....
    Witchita: We better start working on our apology.


  • Columbus: This may be a bad time, but I've gotta take the Browns to the Super Bowl
    Columbus: Hey, this may be a bad time, but I gotta take the Browns to the Super Bowl.


  • Columbus: One more clean shot to the head, and that woman could've avoided becoming a Human Happy Meal.
    Columbus: I mean, one more clean shot to the head, and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal.


  • Tallahassee: My mother always told me someday you'll be good at somethin'. Who'd have guessed that somethin' would be zombie killin'?


  • Columbus: The first time I let a girl into my life and she tries to eat me.


  • Tallahassee: I haven't cried like that since Titanic
    Tallahassee: I haven't cried like that since Titanic.


  • Columbus: It had to be a fucking clown.


  • Columbus: rules to survive 1. Cardio 2. Double tap 3. Check bathroom 4. Seatbelt 5. Travel light 16. Limber up 17. Don't be a hero 22. When in doubt know your way out 31. Check back seat 32. Enjoy the little things
    Columbus: Rules to survive. 1. Cardio 2. Double tap 3. Check bathroom 4. Seatbelt 5. Travel light 16. Limber up 17. Don't be a hero 22. When in doubt know your way out 31. Check back seat 32. Enjoy the little things
    Columbus: Rules to survive: 1. Cardio 2. Double tap 3. Check bathroom 4. Seatbelt 5. Travel light 16. Limber up 17. Don't be a hero 22. When in doubt know your way out 31. Check back seat 32. Enjoy the little things


  • Columbus: Fasten your seat belts. This is going to be a bumpy ride.


  • Tallahassee: Time to nut up, or shut up!


  • Tallahassee: Smell the finger?


  • Tallahassee: THANK GOD FOR REDNECKS!
    Tallahassee: Thank god for rednecks!


  • Tallahassee: I could use a Twinkie...
    Tallahassee: I could use a Twinkie.


  • Little Rock: No Twinkies.
    Himself: Shit Fuck!


  • Tallahassee: I'm not great at farewells so uhh... that'll do pig.
    Columbus: That's the worst goodbye I ever heard...and you stole it from a movie.
    Columbus: That's the worst goodbye I ever heard. And you stole it from a movie.


  • Tallahassee: I want my Caddy back !


  • Columbus: I've always been kind of a loner. I avoided other people like they were zombies...even before they were zombies. Now that they are all zombies, I kinda miss people.


  • Tallahassee: You know, you're like a penguin on the north pole, hear the south pole is really nice this time of year.
    Columbus: There are no penguins on the north pole.
    Tallahassee: You wanna feel how hard I can punch? .


  • Witchita: You did all this for a Twinkie?
    Witchita: You did all this for a twinkie?


  • Columbus: Even though teaming up wasn't my style I figure I'll be safer with Tallahassee, You see he was in the ass kicking business and
    Columbus: Even though teaming up wasn't my style I figure I'll be safer with Tallahassee. You see, he was in the ass kicking business and...
    Tallahassee: Business is good
    Tallahassee: Business is good.
    Columbus: It became quickly apparent however that he did have one weakness. What are we doing here
    Columbus: It became quickly apparent however that he did have one weakness.
    Columbus: It became quickly apparent, however, that he did have one weakness.


  • Tallahassee: Your a pappy little spit fuck aren't you


  • Tallahassee: Where's the fucking twinkles?


  • Tallahassee: I can tell already, You are gunna get on my nerves
    Tallahassee: I can tell already, you are gonna get on my nerves.


Find More Movie Quotes