Movies.com

Rating Title | Year Quote Author
1 87%

Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)

"Remember, this is the summer movie season, where spectacle trumps all, and boy does this movie know how to show off its more spectacular moments. Trust me, you'll have a good time."

Posted May 13, 2013

Erik Davis

2 84%

Upstream Color (2013)

"It's not designed to stump or baffle but to beckon you into its wondrously chilly gray world. If it takes a few viewings to unlock (most of) its secrets then lucky you; you spent high-quality time you might have wasted on Pain & Gain."

Posted May 2, 2013

Dave White

3 54%

The Reluctant Fundamentalist (2013)

"...the movie goes full-tilt sledgehammer with parallels between the corporate culture of greed where quotidian terrorism involves ruining workers' lives and the more clear-cut brand of blowing-up-everybody terror."

Posted May 2, 2013

Dave White

4 54%

Oblivion (2013)

"Kosinki is no hack. He's made a gorgeous-looking experience, the kind they invented IMAX to accommodate. He's a pastiche artist, cribbing stylishness and building his own beautiful ice sculpture..."

Posted Apr 26, 2013

Dave White

5 45%

The Lords of Salem (2013)

"Zombie loves taking his beloved spouse and turning her into a demonic witch-Madonna while The Velvet Underground drones "All Tomorrow's Parties." As horror it's not horrifying, but as a valentine to creepshow romance it's almost heartwarming"

Posted Apr 26, 2013

Dave White

6 49%

Pain & Gain (2013)

"[Casts] the fictional approximations of the real-life victims as somehow deserving their fate in an effort to create sympathy for its three bumbling anti-heroes. In other words it's an insult to true stories."

Posted Apr 26, 2013

Dave White

7 7%

The Big Wedding (2013)

"I'm... pleased?... not sure if that's the right word... surprised or relieved, maybe, like finding out you get to be the front part of the human centipede... to report that this not-very-good wedding farce is also not the worst film of all time."

Posted Apr 26, 2013

Dave White

8 98%

Mud (2013)

"...a respectful, storyteller's approach to rural America. No mockery, no Hollywood-knows-better, no nonsense. That kind of thing is in shorter supply than the universe's collective desire for McConaughey to return to rom-coms."

Posted Apr 26, 2013

Dave White

9 78%

42 (2013)

"It's flamboyantly square and corny. It starts big and gets even bigger, demanding that you get on board. It offers zero surprises and a palatable historical glossiness, but also terrific David-slays-Goliath pleasures."

Posted Apr 12, 2013

Dave White

10 4%

Scary Movie 5 (2013)

"yap yap yap yap yap..."

Posted Apr 12, 2013

Dave White

11 62%

Evil Dead (2013)

"The very satisfying result is a lovingly crafted, chaotically loud noise-symphony conducted in honor of evisceration, agony, vomit and other gnarly delights."

Posted Apr 5, 2013

Dave White

12 55%

The Company You Keep (2013)

"Redford decided we needed a non-thrilling political thriller... where the worst of what '60s radicalism had to offer is given a platform to chirp, "Gee, we thought we were doing the right thing.""

Posted Apr 5, 2013

Dave White

13 8%

The Host (2013)

"Space-Ronan kisses a boy and her inner human screams "NO!," slaps the confused male, then runs off to brood by a rock, staring into space. It will make sense to some of you."

Posted Apr 1, 2013

Dave White

14 15%

Temptation (2013)

"[Perry's] characters, if they could speak outside of his universe, would do nothing but scream in agony as life crushes them in its God-shaped vise of moral consequence. And that is awesome to watch."

Posted Apr 1, 2013

Dave White

15 93%

Room 237 (2013)

""Anything you say, Lloyd. Anything you say.""

Posted Apr 1, 2013

Dave White

16 28%

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)

"Enjoy the stupid; I kind of did."

Posted Mar 29, 2013

Dave White

17 28%

Upside Down (2013)

"What if I told you that the film also includes scenes of upward urination and consumption of flying pink pancakes? Now will you help it break the $30,000 [box office] mark?"

Posted Mar 25, 2013

Dave White

18 38%

Admission (2013)

"So both Liz Lemon and Tina Fey got their wish. Except Liz's costs you nothing: the Grizz sitcom isn't real or asking for 100 minutes of your life. Fey's wish resulted in this movie, this dull, terrible, lifeless movie. The one where she talks to a cow."

Posted Mar 25, 2013

Dave White

19 48%

Olympus Has Fallen (2013)

"If nothing else it means, for the moment at least, that our long national Gerard Butler rom-com nightmare is over."

Posted Mar 25, 2013

Dave White

20 70%

The Croods (2013)

"It's the Ice Age that isn't terrible and Cage, as the voice of papa caveman Grug, delivers his most interesting, energized, mainstream performance since... well, since I forget."

Posted Mar 25, 2013

Dave White

21 48%

Olympus Has Fallen (2013)

"Because it mirrors Die Hard instead of desperately trying to one-up the first masterpiece, it succeeds as being the most entertaining Die Hard sequel we've seen in years."

Posted Mar 21, 2013

Sean O'Connell

22 44%

On the Road (2012)

"They did what they wanted, even if it wasn't always that much, and they did it stylishly. While on drugs."

Posted Mar 18, 2013

Dave White

23 81%

The Impossible (2012)

"...come for the drama, just be ready to leave your nagging questions outside the theater."

Posted Mar 18, 2013

Dave White

24 47%

Cirque Du Soleil: Worlds Away (2012)

"...it's a tourism brochure, a very long, very sparkly infomercial for one-handed pushups..."

Posted Mar 18, 2013

Dave White

25 43%

The Call (2013)

"...off the rails it flies in a final act that throws everything these characters should know out the window, grabbing at chunks of Silence of the Lambs, Taken, I Spit on Your Grave and anything else it can get its suddenly-dumb little hands on."

Posted Mar 18, 2013

Dave White

26 65%

Spring Breakers (2013)

"... it isn't so much a movie about freedom or rule-breaking as it is about every generation's conformity to overwhelming pressure, about how human behavior is learned from repeated exposure to really dumb, low-level stuff..."

Posted Mar 14, 2013

Dave White

27 88%

Django Unchained (2012)

"It's exactly what you expect from Tarantino, so if this movie finds itself challenged in any way, it's in being expected."

Posted Mar 14, 2013

Dave White

28 70%

Les MisÚrables (2012)

"Within the first six numbers (in a musical containing 666 of them)... Fantine... has lost her job, her teeth, her hair, her prostitute-trainee badge and her life, but not before she sings the weepiest, most maddeningly catchy Susan Boyle song in the world"

Posted Mar 14, 2013

Dave White

29 52%

Promised Land (2013)

"Its quiet nature may give it longer legs over time, slipping its way into cable viewing, but it'll have to reach way beyond the typically urban Gus Van Sant audience to make the impact it wants."

Posted Mar 14, 2013

Dave White

30 93%

Zero Dark Thirty (2013)

" Kathryn Bigelow takes the procedural model and brushes away every unnecessary detail, leaving behind a heavy, blunt object of a film that is also hugely watchable, engrossing and, best of all... highly suspenseful."

Posted Mar 14, 2013

Dave White

31 91%

Beyond The Hills (2013)

"...quiet, but also quietly devastating, with detours down the roads of intolerance, mercilessness, cold rejection of outsiders' experiences, mystical and subjective interpretation of "signs," overt woman-on-woman misogyny and brutally strict penance..."

Posted Mar 14, 2013

Dave White

32 32%

Gangster Squad (2013)

"Do not try to fight off the running "this is the City of Angels" commentary; you will lose. Here, the good guys win, the bad guys earn their comeuppance, the dames look pretty and the dopey dialogue shoves a grapefruit in your face and shuts you up."

Posted Mar 11, 2013

Dave White

33 10%

A Haunted House (2013)

"I thought coming down with the flu would be the worst thing to happen to me this week. But that was a few days ago when I was still sweating it out in bed and coughing up my lungs... before my immune system was further compromised by A Haunted House."

Posted Mar 11, 2013

Dave White

34 65%

Mama (2013)

"[Andy Muschietti, Neil Cross, Barbara Muschietti and Guillermo del Toro] have an intuitive understanding of internalized chaos... and, best of all, the pleasures of a really cool, skinny-limbed death-entity living in the closet."

Posted Mar 11, 2013

Dave White

35 60%

The Last Stand (2013)

"Director Jee-woon Kim (I Saw the Devil) knows how to fill up the screen, surround his megastar with economy-sized murders, car chases, billowing blood-clouds and goofiness."

Posted Mar 11, 2013

Dave White

36 28%

Broken City (2013)

"Welcome to the broken city... where honorable anti-heroes with dark pasts can get double-crossed and mixed up with good guys who're really bad guys... where doing the right thing will put you IN TOO DEEP. It's a drag to be here."

Posted Mar 11, 2013

Dave White

37 4%

Movie 43 (2013)

"To fully enjoy yourself from start to finish, it will help if you've got the sense of humor of a middle-school-aged sociopath... For the rest of you, I suggest eventually watching it on your phone."

Posted Mar 9, 2013

Dave White

38 61%

John Dies at the End (2013)

"I'm not saying this film will make more sense if you're high. But it will make more sense if you're high."

Posted Mar 9, 2013

Dave White

39 41%

Parker (2013)

"...to see [Lopez] wasted here, forced to behave girlishly and neurotically and eventually become a hostage, is insulting. "

Posted Mar 9, 2013

Dave White

40 15%

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

"...feels like a coven of people in offices visited the set, were shown the mocked-up candy house and then decided to gut the whole thing and make it safe for theatrical and television sales to other countries where there's lots of censorship."

Posted Mar 9, 2013

Dave White

41 80%

Warm Bodies (2013)

"...smart, funny, knowing remix of zombie tropes, post-Twilight self-awareness, and youthful yearning for a vague past where, clearly, everything was better. It's a disarming jolt of February awesomeness and the only Valentine's Day movie you need to see."

Posted Mar 9, 2013

Dave White

42 46%

Bullet to the Head (2013)

"What's it about? Some bad guys. And some other bad guys. And some badder guys. And bullets to the head, as though through repetition of the title in action we're meant to finally understand the platonic ideal of how to murder a person with a gun."

Posted Mar 8, 2013

Dave White

43 68%

Stoker (2013)

"The sometimes maddening action/inaction takes its time and keeps you wondering who's going to come out alive at the end of it all, even though you suspect nobody's walking away from this creepshow happily."

Posted Mar 8, 2013

Dave White

44 19%

The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia (2013)

"Much like Toni Morrison's acclaimed novel Beloved, this horror film explores the legacy of slavery and -- just kidding. "

Posted Mar 8, 2013

Dave White

45 15%

A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III (2013)

"It's a nearly perfect apology for the existence of Sheen2013, packaging him as a man out of time, born too late to be the kind of louche, decadent figure he'd easily get away with being 40 years ago."

Posted Mar 7, 2013

Dave White

46 19%

Identity Thief (2013)

"...[McCarthy] goes for it Bugs-Bunny-meets-the-Roadrunner-meets-all-three-Stooges-style. It's just that the movie she's single-handedly trying to save isn't worth her effort."

Posted Mar 7, 2013

Dave White

47 16%

The Last Exorcism Part II (2013)

"...a last moment burst of energy... promises another sequel, one whose title will most likely contain the words lasty-last-last. If we're lucky."

Posted Mar 7, 2013

Dave White

48 25%

Phantom (2013)

"Seriously, where's that giant octopus when you need him?"

Posted Mar 7, 2013

Dave White

49 59%

Oz the Great and Powerful (2013)

"[Raimi's] Oz isn't a hard, sophisticated place for wisecracking adults, it's a land of clever, inventive goodness..."

Posted Mar 7, 2013

Dave White

50 36%

The ABCs of Death (2013)

"...go straight to F Is for Fart from horror/porn director Noboru Iguchi and enjoy -- if enjoy is the right word to use -- the sight of a Japanese schoolgirl obsessed with her pretty young teacher's gas ("So stinky!" she coos. Seriously.)"

Posted Mar 6, 2013

Dave White

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