stormyinthenorth's Profile - Rotten Tomatoes

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Rating History

Wanted (2008)
8 years ago via Flixster

I wasn't a big a fan of the original comic series, but that didn't matter in this case as very little of it made it to the screen.

It was made by the Russian bloke that brought us Nightwatch, and Ok Mr. Bekmambetov, you liked the Matrix, we get it. We all did, but that was almost ten years ago. Please lay off the slo-mo and bullet time now please.

It was just a stupid, loud, violent ball of fluff, which isn't necessarily a bad thing; after all so was Shoot 'Em Up and Crank. What they had that this didn't was character, charm and a sense of humour.

This was just a big fetid cloud of fart gas with no interesting or likable characters that just seemed to go on and on. I was so glad when the end credits rolled.

Angelina, we are now finished.

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder
8 years ago via Flixster

Well it was a vast improvement over the second Starship Troopers film, but of course not a patch on the original.

There were obviously no supermarkets to open that day, because the fine thespian Casper Van Dien returned as Johnny Rico: the role that almost made him famous. To tell the truth I didn't notice until about an hour into it that it was he and not an even cheaper tribute act.

Strangely Denise Richards wasn't enticed back by a pillowcase full of used notes, so the Argos Angelina, Jolene Blalock, gallantly stepped in as the feisty female soldier in a dirty vest top. You may remember her other acting job; she was the one in Star Trek: Enterprise with the Lego haircut and chapel hatpeg nipples.

Anyway, despite the shockingly unfinished looking CGI that was clearly done on my old Commodore Amiga A500, I cannot really complain too much. It was an entertaining yarn with some good action scenes and moments of dark humour.

Zombie Strippers
8 years ago via Flixster

Well of course it was awful in almost every single way, but I knew it would be. Not since 'Snakes on a Plane' has a film described itself so successfully. This was completely aware that it wasn't an example of classic cinema to be spoken of in revered tones and swiftly got on with its job of filling the screen with blood, splatter, fake plastic bloodied limbs and fake plastic tits.

With that firmly in mind, it was actually an enjoyable feast that for several small moments had a good stab at genuine satire and social commentary. No really.

It reminded me of the cheap crappy B-movies we used to get from the video shop that turned a blind eye to us not being anywhere near 18 years old.

It gets a whole extra half star for the pool ball scene. I laughed until beer came out of my nose.

Iron Man
Iron Man (2008)
8 years ago via Flixster

Ye Gods, I think Hollywood might just be getting the hang of comic book movies. This was almost up there with Batman Begins as a lesson in How To Do It Properly.

Downey Junior was spot on as flawed hero Tony Stark and even Gwyneth Paltrow worked well despite labouring under the character name 'Pepper Potts'. You have to love Stan Lee's fetish for alliteration.

It was a dreaded origin story and admittedly it did begin to unravel towards the end by turning into Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, but it was still great fun to watch and showed that this franchise could be a winner and hopefully will be part of a bigger, brave new world as Marvel gathers in all its characters for an Avengers movie.

36 quai des orfevres
8 years ago via Flixster

This was an excellent, solid thriller that was like a French 'Heat'' No, not the trashy celeb mag but the Michael Mann epic, only without Stella Street's Al Pacino, shorter in length and with a lot more smoking.

Lots of proper scenery chewing acting here folks and it was marvelous to see Gérard Depardieu and his impressive nose sporting a fine 'tache in a good, gritty role and not being the 'hilarious' fish out of water in a bad comedy or the stooge in an Andie MacDowell chick flick. Cracking stuff.