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Rating History

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
7 years ago via Flixster

Let me draw your attention to the works of Trey Parker and Matt Stone for a second. During South Parks "Imaginationland" epic, the US Government seeks the help of various film-makers to come up with ideas on how to best combat the terrorists in possesion of their imaginations. One of those film-makers is the director of the Transformer movies, Micheal Bay. When asked for an idea how to combat the terrorists, Bay answers as follows:

"We start with a huge........CG building.........and then we have a meteor go CRAAAAAAAAAWRSSHH!!!! An........and it's all like CRAAAAAWRSH!!!!"

THE. FIRST. THING. That happens in the Revenge of the Fallen trailer, is a meteor going CRAAAAWWSSHH!!!! through a big CG building. Just something to consider. Now for the review....

Please for the love of god, dont let the four start rating throw you into thinking this is what you could fairly call a "good" movie, it earns this rating from the fun garnered from seeing such brazen special effects. This is popcorn munching, brainless destruction on a scale never before seen. The camera swirls around every fight scene, no matter how minor, like its stuck in a slow-motion tornado. Revenge of the Fallen is something that has no merit in being compared to its predecessor, analysed on any intelligent level, or referenced to the long years you may or may not have spent playing with the Hasbro pieces of plastic. It's CGI. And thats it.

Even Micheal Bay seems to be admitting that there is nothing else to these movies than special effects, characters frequently make references as to how stupid their situation is and there are scenes so silly you cant even find a way to make fun of them. But you know what? Who cares. Were you (ARE you) REALLY so attatched to the Transformers toys that a great big dumb movie about them is actually going to hurt your feelings? This is the stuff big screens and cinema setups were specifically made for. It sounds great, it looks better, and you can go and have a great time with friends, without having to think hard or pay much attention.

Pointless sexualisation, ridiculously over the top action sequences, unintentionally funny diolauge, Revenge of the Fallen has it all, and I am looking forward to the third installment, in which Meagan Fox will need to decide which part of her body she is going to thrust towards you next.

Utter retardation on the grandest scale. Go see it.

Justins Best Bit: Plenty of standout moments, but the gong has to go to Optimus ripping into the Decepticons all by his lonesome.

Tremors (1990)
8 years ago via Flixster

A refreshingly honest and charming monster mash that doesent take itself too seriously. A giggle here and there

Kinky Killers
Kinky Killers (2007)
8 years ago via Flixster

You know how you can tell when a movie is going to be shit even before you've hit the "play" button? Its when the dvd menu screen is the same as whats on the cover of the box.

I feel obligated to point out that despite the gothic look on the cover, this is NOT about vampires. Repeat: Not about vampires. A fact I discovered all too late by the time I got home to watch it. Serves me right for barely glancing at the summary on the back I suppose.

Horribly sub-par acting accentuated by shoddy filmmaking and an painfully slow, dull plot laces together all the sex scenes and violent scenes, which is all anyone who picked this up would care about *ahem*. Scenes that should be graphic and powerful are glossed over so poorly and quickly that they may as well not even be there. The same can be said for the whole movie actually. Its poorly written and poorly handled, nothing is cut together to emphasise the situation and it comes off so amaturish its not funny.

The Unborn
The Unborn (2009)
8 years ago via Flixster

If I could write down all the times I've taken an "unimaginable journey into the realm of terror" I would use up the ink in at least half a dozen pens. The Unborn is just another hard slog through the same kind of formulated scares and unsuprising twists veiled by a fresh plot.

The thin veneer of a new concept just isnt enough to give The Unborn any staying power which isnt at all suprising. What does this movie do differently? Not much really, its just another blatant showcase for hot teenagers and mildly creepy visuals, sautayed with blood and sinew.

Actually to be perfectly honest its more boring than anything. "Omigosh something weird and scary is happening to me, guess I'd better unravel the whole mystery with the help of a few close friends and some all knowing third party that explains the plot.

How did Gary Oldman end up in this? My guess is he was either bored or doing someone a favor. He's a great actor with an amazing pedigree but he just doesent belong in a dopey "pretty teen horror" movie.

In all likelyhood this will barely register a blip on the radar. For the best I'm sure.