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I rented this because I saw that Robert Rodriguez was actually going to be acting in it. That Robert Rodriguez! And then there was Willem Dafoe and Donnie Wahlberg and it was like I have to see this! And I wish I didn't for it's a terminal bore with horrible editing and this spiritual journey that's basically shoe-horned in. As for Rodriguez, he's in two scenes and speaks no words....what a waste of time.
The local library is a wonderful thing. You can browse around as long as you want, read anything there and even check out the movie collection as you find some awesome stuff there. And it's free for a few days. So of course, you are going to find some weird things afoot, like some kids movie, possibly Canadian, staring Ellen Page. That Oscar-nominated actress Ellen Page. This is a world where up is down, black is white, left is right and Uwe Boll makes good movies. This is a world I don't want to live in so with my last breath I curse I Downloaded a Ghost.
*jumps out of a window*
Ah nuts, I knew I should have jumped more than one story. Well, guess I have to review this since I'm still alive. Alright, Ellen Page is Stella Blackstone who's a horror freak with her functioning horror costumes and horror animatronics with her best friend Albert, boy genius, wants a real ghost for her haunted house and she goes to the INTERNET to download one...apparently the site uses SCIENCE to do so. Meanwhile, a hapless cab-driver gets mixed up in a robbery with a golden cat and two hapless burglars. In some confusion he gets hit by a bus and dies but wait, the internet chooses him to be the ghost to be downloaded. So now Stella and cabbie have to help each other scare people in that haunted house, find that golden cat and get some vengeance.
Well, it's a kids movie so my expectations are obviously going to lower than a real movie using the same premise. However, there is one expectation that I will always have no matter what, and I want to be entertained. This doesn't happen. Nope, here I am bored with the movie showcasing unfunny slapstick and not being consistent with how the ghost interacts with things. He can touch things or go through them. He can hide or be seen whenever people feel like seeing him. But there's one moment that I just hate. He hides when the kids hide! He shouldn't have to be hiding or allowing Ellen Page to disguise herself to hunt for clues to find the cat. He's a ghost, he can do anything like not allowing kids to do some stupid stuff. Yeah, I know what I said about lowered expectations but they still do exist and I'm angry when they're still not met.
Alright, how about Ellen Page. Does she rise above the material like she did in Juno and X-Men 3 or even give a completely awesome performance like in Hard Candy? Of course not, but she does show a glimmer of potential that would lead her into the world of critical acclaim. However, that potential is buried under poor delivery and poor body language. It's almost hard to believe that her and the Oscar-nominated Ellen Page are the same person. The only other name here is Carlos Alazraqui...you know who he is if you don't know the name. He's Mr. Crocker from Fairly Odd Parents, Rocko from Rocko's Modern Life, Winslow from Catdog and The Taco Bell dog among one of the cops in Reno 911! He really shouldn't do live-action cause I like his voices...except Winslow but that's cause the character was a mean, sadistic asshole that ruined the show through little fault from Carlos. Here, it's like Robin Williams in Aladdin. He does funny voices that might be funny when you're a kid but you don't laugh at them when you grow up. Except a reference to Speed which is cute and got a laugh.
So will real kids, the target audience, like this movie? I don't think so. I mean I know they don't care about such fancy things like plot holes, obvious use of Chekov's Gun or being entertained. They'll probably like Alazraqui cause he does funny voices and makes funny faces. They'll probably have some type of crush on Ellen Page, wishing they could help build her haunted house or something that kids like to do. But somehow, I have a feeling that they'll be bored most of the time. But then again, when will you ever see two petite, popular girls both named Jennifer shove people in lockers?
great concept, amazing concept. Seeing the plot just builds and build like uh building blocks was really fascinating. Granted the first 20 or so minutes were kinda weak and made me sceptical but it is highly rewarding. Also, not only do I expect to see crappy fanfics about this concept applied to other horror movies, I DEMAND THEM!
I really wanted to like this since the first 40 minutes were like a big, stupid, entertaining cartoon. Then after that it was talk and talk and more talk and it was all boring. And it killed all the momentum so when it did start the action again, I no longer cared. I just didn't have the will to be entertained anymore. Granted there were a couple things like Sonny Chiba that were fine, but skip this...stick with the first.