James Hoff's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews

Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs(2015)
½

What happened to Kate Winslet's accent by Act III?

Legend
Legend(2015)
½

Tom IS a legend. Gritty, dark, movie magic...

Deadpool
Deadpool(2016)

"Did you ever see 127 Hours? Spoiler alert."
"You realise it reeks like old lady pants in here?"

Safe Haven
Safe Haven(2013)

Sentimental time-passer with a Highway to Heaven feel about it.

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens
½

Truly nostalgic. Hand made sets, minimal CGI and a few laughs along the way. Brilliant

Whiplash
Whiplash(2014)

Intense, brutal, insane. Blood, sweat and err drumming. Awesome!

Northern Soul

Getting the OST...loving the moves.

Being John Malkovich
½

Basically, The Truman Show...on speed

Burn After Reading
½

"...I'm fucked if I know what we did"

20 Feet From Stardom

Great rock-doc. What a set of lungs!

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
½

Lost its way...i got lost. First should have been a one off

The Grand Budapest Hotel
½

Beautifully shot but it just didn't grab me. A kind of cross between Willy Wonka and Escape from Alcatraz. Bizzarre.

Fifty Shades of Grey

Crikey, I've given it 4 stars!
Btw that hardware store has much more stock variety than my local B&Q

The Raid: Redemption

What's the plot about? Who cares!!

50/50
50/50(2011)

Subject matter vs comedy. Impressive.

The Paperboy
The Paperboy(2012)
½

Sleazy, trashy and jaw dropping in places. Don't watch it with your mother.

I'm So Excited!

It isn't 'Airline' but there are some very funny scene stealers!

Flight
Flight(2012)
½

Interconnecting rooms have never had such a starring role!

Les MisÚrables
½

What no Susan Boyle? Lacklustre.

The Impossible

Impossibly brilliant and traumatic.

Animal Kingdom

"It's a crazy f@*Ô,Č#* world."

The Square
The Square(2010)
½

Gripping but can anyone explain the relevance of the bizarre death of doggy in the lake?

Moon
Moon(2009)

Sam Rockwell and Sam Rockwell ****

Life of Pi
Life of Pi(2012)
½

Visually stunning storytelling but not a patch on the Compare the Market.com ads. Not!

Shame
Shame(2011)

Ooh err missus - big screen awesomeness here (...and no, I didn't watch this on Christmas Day
instead of Shrek before you ask)

Red Dog
Red Dog(2011)

Nearly gave up after the first fifteen minutes. Glad I didn't.

Skyfall
Skyfall(2012)

My favourite Bond Film yet (even Mum liked it) - along with Dr. No of course.

The Tourist
The Tourist(2010)

Fab location but a script which was barely a page long. What did Angelina actually do in this ?

Paranormal Activity 4

Plenty of 'boo!' scare-and-jump scenes with a predictable end - and thats about it....

Taken 2
Taken 2(2012)
½

Jolly rollercoaster of a ride - but what - no Holly?!

Taken
Taken(2009)

Liam Neeson and....Holly Valance - eh? Pretty good so off to see Taken 2!

Prometheus
Prometheus(2012)

A few flaws and ununswered questions but perhaps I need to revisit the Alien films. Tense in places but not scary enough!

Marvel's The Avengers

If you are a person that hasn't seen the other indiviudal superhero films you might be dissapointed as you will feel shortchanged you didn't get enough of your favourite character as they are spread thinly across 2hrs 20 minutes. Not wnough action in my book - wish they would have cut the bickering down to a minimum.

Look out for the Hulk's comedy scene stealers.

Michael Jackson's This Is It
½

A fascinating insight into the world of Jacko at work. A film about the music, the choreography and the creativity of an event that wasn't to be.

The Hunger Games
½

Another Trueman show rip off but for kids. I'm obviously not in the marketing bracket!

The Devil Inside

A kind of 'The Exorcist' meets 'Paranormal Activity' with more sex references - hoorah!

The Cabin in the Woods
½

What is it with Trueman Show copycat films at the moment! Nevertheless great entertainment in parts even if there were obvious connections to Evil Dead 2. Hunger Games it isn't thank god.

Rampart
Rampart(2012)

Superbjavascript:void(0);

Wanted
Wanted(2008)
½

Rollercoaster action-packed fun!

Severance
Severance(2006)

I've given it 4*s and its got Danny Dyer in it. Am I drunk?

The Woman in Black

Brown trousers required. Fab...but they mucked around with the ending.

Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol
½

Tom could have cleaned the windows whilst he was up there...rollercoaster stuff!

The Artist
The Artist(2011)

Uggie for an Oscar!

Revolutionary Road
½

Powerful but not exactly laugh-a-minute

War Horse
War Horse(2011)

Black Beauty meets Birdsong lol

My Week with Marilyn

Fab performances and great soundtrack

Limitless
Limitless(2011)

Hope Anna Friel didn't get paid for this.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes
½

Still don't buy it. Charlton or no Charlton...

Immortals
Immortals(2011)

Loved this for all the wrong reasons but it's not gonna win a BAFTA.

Weekend
Weekend(2011)
½

Real life or film. Hard to tell.

Senna
Senna(2011)
½

No interest in F1 and no knowledge of Ayrton means that you'll probably enjoy this movie more than any motor racing fan. Touching, moving and thrilling.

Trollhunter
Trollhunter(2011)

Where The Wild Things Are Vs Jurassic Park vs Blair Witch!

Paul
Paul(2011)

Funnier than I thought it was going to be!

Buried
Buried(2010)
½

Perfectly uncomfortable viewing

Arthur
Arthur(2011)

Not a patch on the Dudley original but surprisingly entertaining considering Brand does my head in. Half an hr too long.

Red Hill
Red Hill(2010)
½

First Aussie Western experience - all good!

December Boys
½

Daniel Radcliffe finding a different use for his wand in this impressivley shot film - but the Aussie scenery steals the show.....yet another poor ending.

Black Sheep
Black Sheep(2006)
½

The film is nearly as good as the beer!

Piranha 3-D
Piranha 3-D(2010)
½

MTV Spring Break meets Jaws!

The Joneses
The Joneses(2010)
½

Gadget obsessed fake family attempting to deceive friends and neighbours whilst raking it in!

The Human Centipede (First Sequence)
½

*CORRECTION* - this is f*@ed up! Can't wait for H.C, The Sequel 2011!

Hot Tub Time Machine
½

Not quite as funny as the 'Hangover' quality but there were many a chuckle through out.

Death at a Funeral

Haven't seen the recent US remake, but perhaps check out the original UK version.

The Box
The Box(2009)
½

Flawed plot - fu*@ed up film!

Four Lions
Four Lions(2010)

Chris Morris - fab - bring back Brass Eye!

Shutter Island
½

Pant wettingly scary in places - might have had something to do with Max von Sydow's performance. The Exorcist all over again. Makes Alcatraz look like Haven Holidays on the Isle of Wight.

Alice in Wonderland

A Tim Burton stamp on another classic Children's story...Highlight - Babara Windsor's laugh as the Doormouse!

Valentine's Day

Makes Love Actually look like Shakespeare.

Telstar (Telstar: The Joe Meek Story)
½

A terrific if not shocking insight into the life of a relatively unknown music mogul of the sixties.

Don't expect Paul Nicholls and Danny Dyer to appear because they ain't in it! Lol!

Invictus
Invictus(2009)

Uniting SA through Rugby. Inspirational if somewhat occasionally patronising.

As Good as It Gets

Sell crazy some place else, we're all stocked up here!

Avatar
Avatar(2009)
½

Spellbinding. No wonder it has broken all records....

Nowhere Boy
Nowhere Boy(2010)
½

Its almost as if Aaron Johnson believed he was the talented, cheeky chap of the fab four. A fabulous authentic performance. Great soundtrack too.

I Am Legend
I Am Legend(2007)

Wasn't blown away by this film - not sure why. Wasn't because of Will Smith's performance but the plot appeared weak and non eventful.

The Descent 2
½

"The feel sh*t scared film of the decade" - what 'The Descent' is to Mamma Mia!

2012
2012(2009)

Good FX although film appears to morph into Poseidon. Don't bother.

Harry Brown
Harry Brown(2010)

The domain www.visitelephant&Castle.com won't be snatched up in a hurry after this film is released. Basically it's a 'warts and all' look at Saaaf London with pensioner Michael Caine sorting out the neighbourhood scum after the murder of his best pal.

Expect fab photography and an edge of your seat ride. Makes Gran Torino look like Mary Poppins!

Zombieland
Zombieland(2009)
½

Bill Murray should have been in it a few more minutes!

Duplex
Duplex(2003)
½

TV gadget scene is hilarious!

Fearless
Fearless(1993)
½

Good but Final Destination 1 it aint...

Son of Rambow
½

Aaaaah eighties memories....a little gem!

Once
Once(2007)
½

A lovely film even though the singing became a little grating at times....

50 First Dates
½

Funny in places - but a bit daft mostly. Thought I was going to watch a Samuel L. Jackson film - errr - no that was '51st State!'

The Proposal
The Proposal(2009)
½

as usual these types of film have plausable first halves but then turn farcical and total unrealistic...we could have done without the last 30mins as well as the terrible camp fire scene...

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
½

Engaging, gripping with a damn good OST

The Mist
The Mist(2007)
½

Please don't expect to be dancing around the garden when this film ends. You will be transfixed from the start of this film - suicidal by the end. Clever - very clever.

Dan in Real Life
½

Sweet and sickly but strangely engaging!

Star Trek
Star Trek(2009)
½

Remarkable performances and a nostaligic and accurate portrayal of some classic movie characters.

Crazy People
Crazy People(1990)
½

Highly entertaining and Dudley on top form as he has always been. Great ad campaign bit...brilliant!

Pirate Radio (The Boat That Rocked)
½

Half an hour too long but great fun and a huge choice of characters to get your teeth into - a superb soundtrack too.

Let the Right One In
½

Look out for the final pool scene

Gran Torino
Gran Torino(2009)
½

A cross between Alf Garnet and Dirty Harry. Great!

The Machinist
½

Dark and disturbing. If only loosing weight could be that easy...

Meet Joe Black
½

Surprisingly good for a chick flick. Sterling perfs from Hopkins and Pitt (apart from the dreadful Jamaican accent).

Man on Wire
Man on Wire(2008)

Engaging and breathtaking. He's mad!

Poltergeist
Poltergeist(1982)

"They're Here!" Brilliant although this film scared the living crap out of me when I was younger so was disturbed when learned they were remaking the thing!

*batteries not included
½

Sweet film that still manages to provide a lump in the throat.

Airplane!
Airplane!(1980)
½

Don't call me shirley! I hurt when I last saw this!

Sleuth
Sleuth(2007)

Stage show material but not Oscar material. Mum and Dad like Michael Caine but they fell asleep so couldn't have been that good.

Billy Elliot
Billy Elliot(2000)
½

1 hour 30 minutes isn't long enough. Walters at her best.

Fantastic Voyage

Fabulous - cannot wait for the 2010 remake.

The Mother
The Mother(2004)
½

James Bond and Ken Barlow's ex wife in some very disturbing and uncomfortable sex scenes - oh well it beats Midsomer Murders I suppose!! :-)

My Bloody Valentine 3-D
½

Went to see this because Frost Nixon wasn't on. A half decent film ONLY because of the 3D experience. Love the flying axes - great! BUT - a rubbish ending...what is it with films with rubbish endings recently? Oh and Jensen Ackels can't play bad - so don't even think about a sequel mate.

Weird Science
½

Can't believe I missed this in 1985!

Creep
Creep(2005)

Not for trainspotters!

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
½

Numb bumbing entertainment which could have been shaven down to 120 minutes as oppose to nearly 3hrs but nevertheless fascinating stuff with some pretty awesome special fx. Fabulous design.

Milk
Milk(2008)
½

Superb and engaging. Great feeling of Seventies America thanks to the talented production.

The Italian Job
½

The mini's get a miniscule part this. WHY?

A Hard Day's Night
½

Slightly annoying train/carriage scenes but a fairly good start for the Beatles. It got better apparently.

Waterworld
Waterworld(1995)
½

So dull I felt like drowning myself. The shpw at Universal Studios blows this son of a bitch right out of the water!

Summer Holiday

What do you know - you wait all day for one and 3 turn up at once!

Short Circuit 2
½

Not often sequels come up trumps but this is an eighties classic - great soundtrack too.

16 Blocks
16 Blocks(2006)
½

Great action but would have been better if not for Mos Def's irritating accent.

Rat Race
Rat Race(2001)
½

Laughs all the way and a great plot! Rowan Atkinson and Whoopie Goldberg made me laugh so much. Whats happened to John Cleese's teeth by the way?

Be Kind Rewind
½

...not what i expected and if I had not been watching this film with someone else - I would not have given it a chance due to its slow start. After picking up pace it got better. But it finished like it started. Poorly.

Sitcom
Sitcom(1999)

I'm moving to France!

Hancock
Hancock(2008)
½

Quirky and different. Some great one liners and Will Smith as you've never seen him before.

Iron Man
Iron Man(2008)
½

Robert Downey Jnr. obvously had fun making this! Great action.

Transformers
Transformers(2007)
½

Cheesy humour but fabulous action sequences.

The Reader
The Reader(2008)
½

Engrossing at times but this film suffers from a pretty pointless plot. Look out for the rubbish ending - which somehow proves you've just wasted 122 minutes of your life!

Evan Almighty
½

Great effects but alas a thin plot and a bit short of laughs too. Glad it was a dvd I won rather than purchased!

Little Voice
Little Voice(1998)
½

Not sure whether this film was brilliant because of the laughs or the fact that the film features the shop - "Hoff Records".

Educating Rita

Memorable performances from Caine and the faultless Julie Walters!

WALL-E
WALL-E(2008)

Wonderfully made film with intricate detail. Could have been at least 15 minutes shorter and beware the first half drags on a bit.

3:10 to Yuma
3:10 to Yuma(2007)

A new take on the classic western with a sting in its tale. Great action drama with an electrifying finale. Choo choo!

Miss Potter
Miss Potter(2007)

Charming little film featuring the classic characters of Peter Rabbit and Tiggywinkles - nope I'm not taking anything...

Flightplan
Flightplan(2005)
½

Great if you are a plane spotter / geek not great if you don't enjoy drawn out thrillers. Not exactly edge of seat Hitchcock but it passes the time!

Eurotrip
Eurotrip(2003)
½

Ok - this may not be Dummer and Dummer but chuckle me boots - this did make me giggle. Look out for the little boy as Hitler - priceless.

The Dark Knight
½

Well, what can I say! Just superb! After all the hype it appears Heath Ledger is pretty good as the Joker....brilliant actually. He overshadows Bale a mile off with sterling performances by Caine and Oldman. Not quite sure about Aaron's burnt face maekup but the rest of the CGI was ace!!!

Mamma Mia!
Mamma Mia!(2008)

This film is as cheesy as a packet of Dairylea Triangles in a fondue factory. Plenty of laughs, dancing with a fabulous singing performance from Meryl but alas there is still a lot of warbling from Mr Brosnan. 007 singing?? - thats just wrong.

If you aren't sure of the plot - then this may help...Meryl Streep plays the former dancing queen now ageing Chiquitita Donna, who meets her Waterloo when her daughter who has a dream says I do I do I do I do only to discover that her mother doesn't know which of the paticualr men after midnight gave her a child so she decides to take a chance on three of them and invite them to the wedding when the winner taskes it all. I thank yow!

Brilliant - warning - dancing in the aisles expected!! Unquantifyably good fun!

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

A mindless bloodfest of absolute fun and spilling guts - if you like that sort of thing. SUPERB!
P.s doesn't Johnny Depp sound like David Bowie?

Into the Blue
½

Plot takes a while to warm with an impressive finale. A great perve movie for the lads but Jaws it aint.

Kinky Boots
Kinky Boots(2006)

There is something endearing about British comedies. This fails to produce an endless string of laughs but has a stong plot. Great lead from Ejiofor but not sure why Edgerton was cast. Impressed though that the film stuck so closely to the BBC documentary Trouble At The Top!!!

Team America: World Police
½

AH HARRO!
Crass jokes apleanty in this one and you won't be able to avoid laughing out loud at the puppet sex scene. Slightly overcooked F.A.G gag but apart from that - a good jolly old chuckle!!!

Shine a Light

If you bought the Forty Flicks stadium DVD's you'll love this. Mighty performances from the would-be wheelchair rockers and classic arhive footage thrown in. Great behind the scenes set-up.

Cloverfield
Cloverfield(2008)

Apart from the very long winded 'Blairwitch meets Friends' start it was certainly edge-of -your-seat stuff. The final helicopter scene was fantastic.

Little Miss Sunshine

I don't think I remember laughing so much as I did in a cinema - truly superb...the soundtrack is a gem too.

Live Free or Die Hard

Absolutely gripping - how bloody can John get...the fighter jet scene - awesome!...completely over the top but who cares!

Magic
Magic(1978)

I couldn't stop laughing - wasn't supposed to be a comedy!