kwetteraart's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews

Gentlemen Broncos
½

It truly boggles my mind how this movie can be considered, by some, to be an instant cult classic. Sure, it's strange and quirky. It satirizes both the science fiction genre and film making in general, which is cool. It works for directors like Wes Anderson, who Jared Hess apparently tries to imitate. But Gentlemen Brocos' doesn't go beyond crude jokes about poop and certain male body parts. Its so called 'subtle humour' is actually on the same level.

While Jermaine Clement is somewhat amusing as a bad SF author, the rest of the cast gives cringeworthy performances. Story is non-existant, with random characters that appear out of nowhere to move the story forward. And let's not forget the filler scenes from the fictional science fiction book. Desperate to be funny, but nothing short of horrible. And that describes the entire movie.

Lost In Translation
½

This touching and deeply thematic film went straight into my list of favourites.

First of all, the shoegazerish soundtrack does a great job of creating a dreamy, alien atmosphere. The film is essentially about two very different people who are both lost and lonely in the busy city of Tokyo. Lost in a strange culture, desperate for directions in life. The theme works on many levels and can be observed in many details. Main character Bob (Bill Murray) even has trouble interacting with the Japanese because he's almost twice their height!

This isn't just a clinical study of the human condition, though. As always, lost sheep find each other. And it's a pleasure watching their friendship unfold, very slowly, with long stares, melancholic silences and believably awkward dialogue. The ending maintains the tone of the film, without making concessions to traditional Hollywood norms.

The Informant!

The Informant! definitely has its own style and Matt Damon does okay as Mark Whitacre, a clumsy and somewhat clueless businessman. For a while, I empathized with him. But after an hour or so, it's like the story just spins out of control. It's hard to follow all the twists and turns. More and more I started wondering: why the hell is Mark doing this? The what and why get clear towards the end.

The film gives little reason to like or understand its main character and the pace gets tiring after a while. On the other hand, I do appreciate the cleverness and the light humour. The Informant! just isn't very compelling.

The Wolves of Kromer

Starring two attractive male werewolves in love, this is the most bizarre gay film I've seen. Imagine my surprise when it actually turned to out to be quite nice! Despite the fact that The Wolves of Kromer is extremely low-budget and doesn't even have a full professional cast, it's an engaging watch with a unique atmosphere. It also has a strong pro-gay message, delivered in an original and sometimes humourous way.

Death at a Funeral

The funniest funeral you'll ever see. When a slightly dysfunctional family gathers to say their last goodbye, chaos and panic ensue. Someone gets pooed on by a family member, while others wander around under the influence of hallucigenic drugs. Scandalous affairs are revealed and blackmail attempts fail miserably. The plot progresses and thickens quickly, which is why this movie never gets boring. Even though some turns of events are a bit predictable. But it's absolutely hilarious, as long as you don't mind a bit of black comedy. Although this film's story is totally absurd, it still has the characteristically cool, British humour. Recommended!

La Siciliana Ribelle (The Sicilian Girl)
½

Well intentioned, but ultimately disappointing account of a young women who takes on the Sicilian mafia, in the vein of Matteo Garrone's Gomorra. Veronica d'Agostino hysterical performance does not do the story's credibility much good. Director Amenta could have forged something powerful from this tale of loneliness and the contant fear of being hunted down by criminals. Instead, the film simply tells Rita's story in an uninteresting, linear chain of events. What a shame!

Pet Sematary
Pet Sematary(1989)

Badly acted and shallow, but creepy as hell! Louis discovers a strange Indian burial ground that brings the dead back to life. After successfully raising his daughter's cat from the dead, he asks his neighbour if someone ever buried a person at the site. You can probably guess how it goes from there. While the film's characters stay flat and have little interesting to say, it does a very good job at giving you goose bumps with more than just cheap scares. There's something very unnerving about animals coming back to life. The background of the burial site and its sinister power remain vague, which adds a lot of mystery. Overall a decent horror movie, not as over the top ridiculous as most Stephen King stories.

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

Well, where to start? This laughable fantasy film stars the wooden as ever Jason Statham as a guy named Farmer, a simple farmer (you guessed correct!). But when a troup of orc-like things attack his home and abduct his wife for no apparent reason, Farmer goes on a quest of monster butt-kicking and in the process discovers he's actually a prince of the realm. He also meets an army of vine swinging, scarcely clothed female forest warriors to fight the evil mage who is behind all of it. The special effects and choreography are surprisingly decent, and that's about it. But honestly, I had a blast watching this hilariously bad movie!

Far Cry
Far Cry(2008)

Pretty horrible movie about a mad German scientists who experiments on humans on a tropic island. But at least Uwe Boll's latest attempt at making a movie has a somewhat comprehensible story, even if it's completely ridiculous and full of holes. Acting is as lame as you can expect from anything directed by Boll, but the action scenes are nicely done. Overall not too bad, but still a below average action flick.

The Ninth Gate
½

The book was better. The movie actually let out a major part of the plot and shifted the whole theme and feel of the story. Still, it's a pretty good movie that I can appreciate. Very sinister and mysterious atmosphere, creepy details and good use of music. Johnny Depp never fails, not even as a nerdy antique bookhunter. This is a great watch if you enjoy the 'ancient mystery' thing and stories that are open for speculation.

From Dusk Till Dawn
½

One of the dumbest movies I saw recently. It starts out promising, with George Clooney as a slimy, likeable criminal who is on the run with his mentally disturbed brother. But halfway through, the movie unexpectedly turns into a stupid monster killing flick. It's like the director thought: now what? So he decided to throw in some rediculously looking 'vampires' and throw away the plot. Now, I like vampires. Really, I do. Maybe that's why I just can't take this film seriously. Totally brainless and unconvincing.

The Island
The Island(2005)

The Island is a big missed opportunity. The idea behind the plot is interesting, but executed quite badly. In fact, plot gets pushed aside by lots and lots of action. What we get is a film full of adrenaline and great visual presentation, but still a rather shallow and emotionless experience. The main characters could have been developed in many interesting ways, but they remain flat throughout the whole film. Overall this was a not-so-great attempt at making a fast paced, Blade Runner-esque movie.

Dungeons & Dragons

This movie is so bad you want to take off your shoes and chew on them, so you don't have to gnash your teeth the whole way through. The acting is unforgivable. The dragons are so unbelievable, they make Draco from Dragonheart look like the best thing ever animated on screen. The same goes for the rest of the special effects. Did I say the acting was bad? Well, they didn't exactly have a great script to work with either. Still, there is no excuse for this awful attempt at making a fantasy movie. They didn't even get the sound during the swordfighting right. If you want to watch a good fantasy movie, avoid this one like the plague.

2010
2010(1984)
½

If you haven't read the books, I guess it's a decent sequel to 2010, though nothing special. Dialogues are a bit forced. It's as if the film makers just wanted to cram as much as possible of the book into the movie, but these things remain unexplained in this adaption. Also don't expect the same mysterious feel as Kubrick's 2001. Otherwise it's not a bad watch, especially considering this is the sequel to one of the biggest SF film classics.

The Haunting
The Haunting(1999)

The only thing that was remotely scary in this film, was the way the wooden faces of the children above the bed changed their expression. The rest wasn't spooky at all because it showed too much. A pity.

The Shining
The Shining(1980)

What makes this movie so brilliant? Simple: Jack Nicholson. You know he's got a few wires loose from the start, but you've never seen someone go as crazy as Jack Torrance in The Shining. There are many creepy details throughout the film, though not always equally subtle. Still, this is one of the best and most terrifying films I know.

Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies
½

The problem with this movie is that many people have the wrong expectations. Wishmaster is not a horror film. Actually it's a amusing movie with lots of gore and dark humour. The Wishmaster (who is played quite brilliantly by Andy Divoff - the rest of acting is shit) makes people die in creative, absurd ways. Ever wanted to see someone go fuck himself? "Done" the Wishmaster says.