ClubWallace's Profile - Rotten Tomatoes

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Rating History

Epic Movie
Epic Movie (2007)
9 years ago via Flixster

WOW. I don't even want to talk about this film at all because I'd be tempted to kill myself. What a piece of festering pig shit. There were moments in this movie where I didn't know if I should laugh at their petty attempts at humor or just stomp out and demand my money back. I think all the characters in this steaming dog-vomit of a movie all had a big orgy and the result was a mutant retard pirate midget - and he must have written the sript......with his anus.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
9 years ago via Flixster

This movie is the equivalent of going to the best restaurant in town, ordering caviar-filled lobster tortellini, and sipping on Moet with your beautiful girlfriend. Then you stop eating after half way through your meal, take down your pants and lay a huge lumpy turd on the remaining food. Also piss in your champagne. Then continue eating, and pretend that you enjoy it.
This accurately describes the way that they tried to make a brand out of the Pirates' films by shitting all over the great original concept and making not one sequel but two!! The one saving grace was the cast, but I think the script-writers be a mob of mangy bilge-rats who should be forced to walk the plank, except instead of walking into the ocean they should walk off the plank of life altogether......I loved the first one and own the special edition DVD, but this sequel is like stepping off the Concord right onto a stinking pile of dog shit. It just makes you shake your head and say "why?"