The Good Place
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So God is a lady... And Her angels are, in fact, vampires...
I'm usually pretty good at suspending my disbelief but this is asking an awful lot. Even Sophie Monk's foxy lady act grows surprisingly old after a while.
But the aforementioned Ms. Monk's wardrobe choices and the cameos throughout make this just watchable.
Lon Chaney Sr. stalks across the screen like it's nobody else's business.
The sets are astoundingly gigantic, the spooky horror to slapstick comedy ratio is just right (as in the slapstick is kept to a minimum and only serves to break up the spooky bits) and at a taut hour and a half, it never overstays its welcome. Excellent prototype for Universal's horror flicks to follow.
And I thought the first was done on the cheap! Field of Screams makes its predecessor look like Gone With the Wind. The sound is awful (what isn't dubbed is practically inaudible), the camera isn't properly white-balanced in a lot of shots and the acting is pretty terrible all-round (even from the usually good Moseley and Shaye).
This sequel is just lucky it doesn't for an instant take itself seriously and instead never tries to be anything but pure politically incorrect exploitation... and in that regard it's semi-fun.
Dario Argento, you sir have a very unhealthy working relationship with your daughter.
This Phantom of the Opera is so dull even the rats (whom the Phantom also has an unhealthy working relationship with) look bored.
Now (after being kept guessing throughout the whole thing) that I know just who the Violent Midnight killer was, my only question is: how did the filmmakers get away with all that nudity in 1963!?
The Shortcut is two sledgehammer swings, one neck snap and a shattered hand away from being a wholesome Hardy Boys or Nancy Drew mystery... because that's basically what it is. Teenagers snooping around old man generic creepy guy's place with flashlights looking for clues to where their missing pets have gone... at which point they are brutally murdered..There's actually a surprising amount of gore for PG-13 land.
If it weren't so horribly edited to the point of being incomprehensible this movie might've been decent; but so many plot points are revealed during hallucinatory montages AND in voiceover that it's never really clear if these things are actually supposed to be happening or not. I like to think that the director just forgot to film these expository scenes and had to go the voiceover route.
And dear filmmakers, if you can't afford good CGI, just don't bother. The practical effects were fine but the CGI werewolves looked more like irate ponies... and that just ain't terrifying.
On the plus side: there's plenty of sex and violence so there's little down-time. But in the end, Animals is just one big mediocre mess.
What an unfortunate ending, especially after I found myself rooting for the by-now almost stereotypical monster/maiden couple. [CAUTION: here be spoilers] The heroic shapeshifter literally walks off into the sunset, leaving his love behind (but only after he takes his shirt off for no apparent reason). [END o' spoilers]
Wolf Moon is a (surprisingly) halfway decent and competent cheapie though. Maybe a little too long, but then, its got Sid Haig wielding six-shooters that magically fire many more bullets then they ought to hold... and that's gotta count for something, right?
As much as I like Grease, I sure as heck ain't gonna be singing along with John Travolta, Olivia Newton John and a bunch of strangers.
A big, loud mash-up of Battle in Outer Space and Atragon while simultaneously ripping off Star Wars which makes for one fun movie!
A pretty big departure from the first in every way but its demented humor, Tom Savini's effects and the climactic Dennis Hopper vs. Leatherface chainsaw battle make it a hoot and a half.