AsbestosBill's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews

The Prestige
The Prestige(2006)

Doesn't make much sense, and I saw one of two major twists coming from a long way back. Still, ignoring 75% of the final dialog, I enjoyed this obsession story quite a bit.
I also enjoyed hearing Thom York during the ending credits.

Ghost Rider
Ghost Rider(2007)
½

Please, Nick...stop being in movies.

Futurama: Bender's Game
½

The first half is hilarious. Once they get into the DnD/LotR parody, it starts sucking.

The Forgotten

The alternate ending is much better, but the theatrical release crapped all over itself at the end.

Moon
Moon(2009)
½

Great introspective psychological thriller.

Sherlock Holmes

I loved what RDj did with the character and the music was great.

Children of Men

There are some small bits that must be overlooked, but doing so is easy when the action sequences are so incredibly effective, the characters so endearing, the cinematography so masterful, the lighting and sound so engaging, and the story so elegantly simple but its ramifications so deep.

Stranger Than Fiction
½

A well done quirky story that didn't sell out. Not much anyway. It had good acting from the supporting cast, too, especially from Emma Thompson.

The Brothers Grimm

I guess every director has to have a worst movie.

Star Trek
Star Trek(2009)
½

None too deep but it was good apart from a couple thingsÔ??mostly the sequence where Kirk is stranded on The Cliche Planet.

Garden State
Garden State(2004)
½

Though slow moving (not that that's inherently a bad thing), it has a sharp sense of humor and a savvy way of showing/saying just enough.

Yes Man
Yes Man(2008)
½

Much better than the previews made it look

Adventureland

More good than funny. Although it does have the Twilight girl, which is distracting.

No Country for Old Men

It's been a very long time since I have seen a film that wields suspense so effectively. In fact I don't think I've ever seen one.The dialog is brilliantly written and delivered. The movie leaves you with a lot to ponder. Another sentence, tacked on to give this paragraph weight.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

The dialog, brilliant acting, and cinematography kept this Oscar-worthy freight train well oiled.The tensions are thick in every awkward pause and the characters are all so complex and ambiguous that you are never sure how to feel about them.It also features the most effectively written narration I've ever seen in a movie.

Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder

Starts a bit slow, but ends up the best of the quadrilogy.

Minority Report
½

Nothing could have prepared me for the sheer ridiculousness of this Spielburgasm of ham handed exposition, superfluous gross-out gags, unforgivable "eye" puns, and slapstick action scenes.

Of course absurd technology is a given, but is it really inevitable that we will abandon all dignity in the future? A futuristic lathe? Really?

Film Crew: Hollywood After Dark
½

Very dull movie. They did what they could to make it funny, but it still drug a lot,

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

The first half is really terrible, but once they leave America things pick up.

Helvetica
Helvetica(2007)
½

Managed to be fairly interesting.

Vantage Point

It was a good idea and overall a good delivery, but it was a bit too basic a plot to be really great and to really justify the multiple viewpoints. Still, it's an above average thriller and the acting pulled it up to 4 stars for me.

21
21(2008)

Kevin Spacey's always awesome, but this was boring and shallow. And I didn't care about his original friends at all. Why couldn't the unlikable fat kid get beat up instead of Spacey?

I did learn something about variable change though...

10,000 B.C.
10,000 B.C.(2008)

The most half-assed movie ever made. 100% formula, no characters, and only the most rudimentary action.

Mission: Impossible

The photography is pretty dated but it is still a reasonably good espionage thriller.

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

Overrated. Often boring, occasionally absurd, and never quite effective, even with Jimmy Stewart

Transporter 2
½

The Transporter jumped the shark at the end of the first movie and never recovered.

Van Helsing
Van Helsing(2004)

The most likable character, Dr. Frankenstein, is killed off two minutes in. After that we are left with an overacting troupe of vampires, the well acted but uninteresting title character, his obnoxious comic-relief-friar, a hot but poorly written baroness, her non-character werewolf brother, the interesting but rarely seen Frankenstein's Monster, and one hideous undertaker with a big goofy hat who crops up far too often.

Add silly, cartoon-ish action sequences and bad dialog (especially from Dracula--who at one point, in response to one of his wives pleading "have you no heart?" replies "No! I don't!") and I stop caring.

Super Mario Bros.

Wha? Why are "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and "The Pursuit of Happiness" listed under "More Like This"????

The Happening
½

It's actually laugh-out-loud funny.

I couldn't believe that M. Night could get any worse at writing, and I was further shocked that he has now lost all directing ability as well.

Also, for having practically basing his career on defying Hollywood traditions, he seemed to be mining a lot of cliches.

The Host
The Host(2007)
½

The Host is teeming with creativity and the monster itself is delightfully bizarre and acts more like an actual animal than any other beast in a monster movie, which is very entertaining. It reminded me of the way Hayao Miyazaki handles his creatures.

Also, The Host is one of the best examples of the Dramedy genre, mixing humor and suspense seamlessly. Bonus points for having the drama and comedy in some scenes stem from the same source.

...And Justice for All
½

Has the worst music ever put in a film. Still a phenomenal movie, however. A first-rate dramedy script and great performances--especially from Pacino--make this an unforgettable classic.

Fight Club
Fight Club(1999)
½

A morbidly intriguing, enchantingly delirious, thrillingly deadpan landmark. Edward Norton and Brad Pitt are at their most alluring when they are at their lowest.This is a movie about the breakdown of the middle-class house of cards. A depressed insomniac meets the charismatic but crass Tyler Durden and they find a kind of therapy in beating each other to a pulp. The phenomenon catches on and as the two of them begin a race to rock bottom their philosophy attracts a large following. "It's only after you lose everything that you are free to do anything. Only after disaster can we be resurrected."When the cult that has emerged grows out of control, Edward Norton's character (there is no name given) must scramble to escape the collapse he helped to initiate.If you love the move (and who doesn't) you should definitely look into the book. This is one of the best adaptations of a book I have ever seen, but Chuck Palahniuk's novel has even more deadpan humor, more off the wall violence, more of everything that makes the movie so enjoyable, plus it has a better developed story and ending.

Pan's Labyrinth

Overrated but still good.

Rivers and Tides: Andy Goldsworthy Working With Time

Um...I don't think it's actually rated 'R'... Or even PG...

Constantine
Constantine(2005)
½

It's kind of a guilty pleasure, but I really enjoy this movie. The fact that none of the occult workings are explained is a plus. In a semi-paradoxical way it's more realistic; there's never been any sort of rhyme or reason in witchcraft--alchemy for example--and it made it interesting to watch.

This is easily Keanu's best dramatic role by far (I swear I saw him emote! Though it may have been a special effect...) Shia LaBeouf is good in it too.

Gattaca
Gattaca(1997)
½

Painfully forced dialog and pervasive blandness negate this movie's appealing attributes such as the photography and overall story. It's the kind of movie that keeps leading you on, making you think it's going to be compelling by the conclusion. But, the leading lady doesn't have enough character to elicit the slightest interest, which steadily drags the movie down, and a couple of ill-conceived twists near the end rob the conclusion of what meaning and power it had.

Jude Law provides the only effective acting in the movie and (until the last of the afore-mentioned twists) is a reasonably well developed character.

It's kind of sad; this movie had a lot going for it.

I Am Legend
I Am Legend(2007)

Great movie until the last act.

High School Musical

Horrifying. But you probably already guessed that... The singing is all horrendously lip-synced and of course it has the obligatory Disney non-characters and bad acting.

Tombstone
Tombstone(1993)
½

A fairly simple movie, but worth it for Doc Holiday.

3:10 to Yuma
3:10 to Yuma(2007)

Consistently good and occasionally great, but the ending is just shy of believable.

The Abyss
The Abyss(1989)

Pieced together from two completely different movies. Parts of it are good.

Glory Daze
Glory Daze(1996)
½

It's funny to see French Stewart in a semi-serious role and Brandon Frazer in on of his first parts (Guy On Bus #1).

It's sad to see Ben Afleck.

Mr. Holland's Opus

The highlight of this movie is that is has William H. Macy in it.

Brazil
Brazil(1985)

Brazil is my favorite movie, as well as one of the greatest songs of all time (originally "Aquarela do Brasil").

Cloverfield
Cloverfield(2008)

I gather that it was pretty awesome.... I have to admit I feel kind of cheated because, not having an insulin pump full of dramamine, I was only able to peek at the screen occasionally.

Aside from the physical pain of watching the screen, however, I'm pretty sure it kicked ass. It was, at least whenever I was looking, very well made and the fact that it had no music except what was being played in the movie, including the credits, worked to it's advantage.

I am also 100% confident that an explanation is neither necessary nor welcome.

Yep. Overall it ranks up there with The Host.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
½

The first half is funny and it has interesting characters, but the second half is pretty disappointing.

The Blob
The Blob(1958)

Hilarious to see Steeve McQueen, looking not much younger than in Bullitt, play a 17 year old kid in a campy sci-fi horror movie.

Pale Rider
Pale Rider(1985)
½

Basically a rough sketch for ideas better developed in Unforgiven.

For a Few Dollars More (Per Qualche Dollaro in Pi¨)

Has some really good scenes but drags quite a bit. The weakest of the trilogy.

Star Wars: Holiday Special

Contains all manner of unspeakable horrors. One of the best Rifftrax, though.

Futurama: Bender's Big Score

It's just like a really good episode of Futurama, only 80 minutes.

Seven Faces of Dr. Lao

An extremely strange movie with very dated, very cheesy special effects, but a few effective scenes.

Analyze This
Analyze This(1999)

Shockingly, I did not despise Billy Crystal in this movie. It was actually pretty funny in parts.

However, DeNiro was sub-par and the movie pussyfooted around too much for an R rated feature. Also, Billy Crystal's son and fiance were undeveloped and somewhat obnoxious.

Transformers
Transformers(2007)

Great job, Bay. You have proved that you...have lots of...money... This was one big crappy sell-out from start to finish. Give a Disney Channel original movie an astronomical budget and you get this.

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

Very fun and has many colorful characters. A very well made documentary.

The Core
The Core(2003)
½

A movie that tries too hard and is constantly falling on its ass.

Monster House
½

It's important as a landmark in cinematography in cartoonish 3D features, but though it starts out clever, it backslides into the formulaic tripe you would expect from an American animated film.

Pee-wee's Big Adventure

It's a classic...whether you like it or not.

The Rundown
The Rundown(2003)
½

It shouldn't be shocking that The Rock can act--he's been doing it his whole career (zing)--but it is surprising to see him actually act well...much better than the ever-obnoxious Sean William Scott. This was a fun action/adventure with just enough character to hold it together.

The Nightmare Before Christmas
½

I enjoy the character and voice of Jack Skelington far more than the movie itself. But there are a lot of good songs and of course Tim Burton's twisted vision as only (stop)animation can convey it.

Cool Hand Luke
½

The coolest movie ever made.

Crank
Crank(2006)

This movie will, if there is any justice in the world, go down in the history books as one of the most bad-ass movies, right up there with Fight Club. The opening title sequence, done in an 80's arcade game style with energetic rave music pounding, makes it apparent that the filmmakers are having fun, and it's hard for one not to get drawn in by their enthusiasm. Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor borrow the premise of Dead on Arrival and transform it into the funnest action vehicle ever--Chev, a hit-man for hire has been poisoned with a new synthetic toxin from Hong Kong. The toxins in Chev's blood can only be slowed down by adrenaline. It's as simple as that: keep moving, keep fighting, stay excited or frightened, and you live.

Of course the pursuit of the man who poisoned him keeps him occupied with shootouts and car chases, but he still must find ways to keep himself alert in between. Robbing convenience stores of all their energy drinks, getting into bar fights, snorting coke, and sex are just a few of his impromptu solutions.

With a premise that seems to be expressly designed for non-stop action, there is always the risk (dare I say the probability) that the movie's creators will disregard the details and create something sickeningly superficial. Crank is an exception. The movie is overflowing with creative touches and hilarious dialog. It has great pacing, with just enough downtime in all the right places. What's more, it has good characters and good acting to boot. Chev's girlfriend is so endearing and cute there's no wonder why he would fall in love with her, and seeing the way he treats her there's no doubt that he has.

The plot is, ironically, difficult to understand toward the end, when the events leading up to the movie's beginning are revealed, but if you didn't mind the plot holes in Fight Club you'll have no problems ignoring the ones in Crank.

The movie's downside is its frequent post-MTV video editing. Going split-screen for phone conversations is one thing, but blending that second screen into the environment--projected on a wall or in the rear view mirror of a car--is another.

All things considered, this is the summer blockbuster that we deserve after several let downs. It's the perfect movie to see with a group of friends, but even alone I laughed out loud quite a bit. I would compare the experience to a mix between Pulp Fiction and Run Lola Run.

X-Men: The Last Stand

The original director abandoned it to work on Superman, while the directer of Superman was fired and wandered over to this movie.

Right from the virtual training mission, you could tell that the writing was going to be lazy and uninspired. What follows is a jumble of half-baked plotlines all stumbling over each other, leading up to a lackluster battle.

Rock-a-Doodle

Damn you, Flickster. I never wanted to remember this movie.

The Public Enemy

After a slow start, Wellman gets it together, delivering up a well-made gangster film with poignant violence and some humor one wouldn't expect from the 30's.

Lady in the Water

"'A Thousand Narfs' is about a rare narf--who comes once in a generation of a narfs--called a Madam Narf." Young-Soon sums the story up pretty nicely right there: This movie is about saying the word "narf" (yeah, that expletive Pinky used to use) at every possible opportunity. But wait! There's more! You'll also hear the word "scrunt," which although it sounds like a small rodent with a gimp leg is actually a wolf-like beast with grass all over it and who's special power is that "it can lie...completely flat!" Stop laughing; this is serious. There's also a mud called "key" and three monkeys with one name and an abusive maintenance guy known as "Poo Man" and an evil nerd and a filthy echidna and one of the Fine Young Cannibals.

M. Night Shyamalan also casts himself as a writer who's work will change the world and kills off a movie critic in effegy. That guy! What a clown.

Hulk
Hulk(2003)

Hilariously bad. One to rent for MST night.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

A movie that, though I didn't quite love the first time, has gotten better every time I've watched it. Bill Murray should have been Oscar nominated for this role.

Tom and Huck
Tom and Huck(1995)

JTT's undeniable dreaminess can't save this sack of dooder.

Escape from New York

Campy but enjoyable. John Carpenter is not nearly as talented a musician as he thinks he is, but the music is tolerable--except during the 3min opening credits.

The People Under The Stairs
½

15 endings. Seriously. That aside, this is a mildly horrific but genuinely creepy Wes Craven movie. Some have called it a classic, but its tactics are not quite refined enough to be truly memorable unless you saw it during early childhood.

Shaolin Soccer
½

Enough bad CG effects to choke the Mask, but it has a decent story and a lot of good humor.

Regeneration
Regeneration(1915)
½

Drags a bit in the middle, but is an important film both in the context of silent movies and the beginning of the gangster genre.

The film is based on the autobiography of Owen Kildare. Filmed on location, it is a realistic depiction of life in the inner city during it's time period, even to the point of featuring some of the local waifs.

The Terminal
The Terminal(2004)
½

Spielburg's most disappointing movie. Tom Hanks does a brilliant job treading water, trying to get this movie to float. But in the end he is pulled under by dorky Spielburg-moments, half-baked supporting characters, and a thoroughly dissatisfying ending.

V for Vendetta

This is what good film-making looks like.

House of Flying Daggers
½

As far as special effects blockbusters go, this is pretty good, although it takes itself just a little too seriously.

Hero
Hero(2004)
½

This is not high art. This is a cheesy martial arts movie with an astronomical budget and penchant for long pauses and repetitive fights.

The story is very basic and just because it seems fresh amongst American movies does not mean it is original.

The fight scenes are asinine, uninspired, and, like I mentioned before, repetitive. Even Jacky Chan never reached the level of absurdity that some of these fights try to pass off as epic.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Even Johnny Depp can't replace Gene Wilder, but to be fair, the character was changed a lot from 'Willy Wonka...'
It had some good parts.

The Matrix
The Matrix(1999)

Watch with the RiffTrack (www.rifftrax.com)

Gremlins
Gremlins(1984)

"We thought is was a dead cat or a bird...but it was my father." lol

The Others
The Others(2001)

No replay value; it's one of those movies that relies on a huge twist at the end. Worth seeing once though.

Lost In Translation
½

A quiet, slow movie that works even when it shouldn't--largely because of Bill Murray.

The Bourne Supremacy
½

Though disappointing in some respects--even embarrassingly so--this movie still manages to muster up some effective scenes.
Doug Liman, the brilliant director of The Bourne Identity, has inexplicably stepped aside to let noob director Paul Greengrass fumble around in his place. The camera is literally all over the place, often shaking so violently that it completely obscures some (presumably) good fight scenes.
The film also suffers the loss of Franka Potente, a charming and altogether refreshing personality that held 'Identity' together. In her absence, on the other hand, Matt Damon gets to step his acting up as the loss of his love interest damages his composure.
Also, despite the questionable direction of photography and editing, 'Supremacy' manages to produce a spectacular car chase scene which is only hindered a little by the need to suspend one's disbelief that an SUV can remain upright while turning faster than 25mph.

The Bourne Ultimatum

As with Supremacy, Paul Greengrass' love of the "shaky-cam" brings this movie down. However, the superb acting and the amazing choreography shine through the haze of poor camera-work and editing.
There were a couple of stunts that I couldn't really get behind, but while Supremacy had the best car chase of the series, Ultimatum delivers by far the best close-quarters combat sequence. Jason Bourne is at the top of his game in this movie and not only do we get to enjoy watching him plow his way through the CIA's best efforts, he pulls other, untrained characters through it as well. The scene in which he is guiding a reporter through a mall in which they are being closed in on from every angle is riveting.
Though I was still feeling the loss of Doug Liman, and this will never quite reach the level of glory set by the first in the trilogy, there were several scenes when I forgot all about that.

Battle Royale

Nails the details. Botches the big picture. First of all, I loved this move a lot and still do. After reading the book, however, I realized that it should have been even better.
What is captivating about Battle Royale is that in the midst of scenes of school children murdering each other to survive, there are realistic interactions and even some sweet moments. It is interesting to see the situation handled in a myriad of different ways by the different students.
What doesn't quite work is the reason the government is taking children to a remote island and forcing them to kill each other. It is never actually explained at all, in fact. There is also a (seemingly) deep subplot involving the teacher and one of the female students which never quite makes sense.
The original novel had neither of these problems and dispite an occasionally asinine writing style (possibly due to the translation), is one of my favorite books.
The movie is definitely worth seeing, though. Many of the scenes are top-notch stuff.
Oh, and Shogo is a badass :)

Resident Evil

One of, if not the best video game movie. That isn't saying much of anything, but it's a decent movie. Definitely worth seeing. Just be sure to properly lower your expectations beforehand. Incidentally, it does have very good music by Kevin Manthei, who scored Invader Zim.

28 Weeks Later...
½

Though not quite as good as it should have been, this was still a decent follow-up to it's landmark predecessor. Once again the camera-direction is impressive, but the shaky-cam technique is somewhat overused.
There is some effective character-development, but the characters aren't as likable as in the first movie. Still, while the children are not quite developed enough to really care about, but the people dying to protect them are, so it does retain interest throughout. Just not as well as it should.
What is much better than the first, however, is the element of horror. There are some very effective scenes including one in which three characters are navigating a pitch-black subway tunnel, and only one of them can see by looking through the infra-red scope of her rifle.
Also very effective is the song--that's right, just the one. There is other music, but there is one song that is used three times in the movie that is perfect in the way it builds. The way Trent Reznor writes songs like Hyperpower (the first track on Year Zero). The song never gets old, but I wish they had thrown is some other music of that caliber too.
What did not wear well was pressing thumbs into people's eyes. It was very effective in the first movie because it was done by a main character, but it is used multiple times in this movie and it becomes less effective each time.
Overall, this is an impressive achievement, especially for a sequel, but for every part they did right, there's some reason it could have been done better. Definitely worth seeing, but doesn't compare to the original.

28 Days Later

Though this was marketed as a pulpy horror movie, the two scenes that play into that genre just bring it down. What works is the artistic directing, the characters, and the story which is less about surviving zombies than it is about holding on to what keeps one human.