Matt's Review of John Carter
"John Carter" wants you to believe it's an epic somewhere along the lines of "Star Wars" and "Lord of the Rings," but comes out of the oven not cooked nearly as long as those wonderfully baked confections. There's simply no one to care about in this film; there's not even any villains worth hating. Sure, it's got some great action sequences, but nothing original that hasn't been seen a thousand times.
A dud like this is especially disheartening coming from a gifted director such as Andrew Stanton (Wall-e, Finding Nemo). Don't get me wrong: you could see plenty of worse films if you wanted to (But seriously, why would you? Unless it's "Birdemic?"). It's not so much bad as it is forgettable. In almost every way a movie can be, "John Carter" ends up... mediocre.