goatsgo2hell's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews

Bloodstone: Subspecies II

I kept getting distracted from this by the desire to sleep. Sweet, merciful sleep. The ending was better than the first. The rest was pretty terrible. They just kinda changed the main girl and pretended it didn't happen. It was like Becky on Roseanne.

The Twilight Samurai (Tasogare Seibei)

This was a much more beautiful film than I expected it to be. I forgave its faults for its complexity of character and honest outlook on what is important in our lives.

Ip Man
Ip Man(2010)

A very entertaining film that, I'm afraid, won't remain very memorable for me.

George Carlin: You Are All Diseased

Standard Carlin, though not his best bits.

Jesus Camp
Jesus Camp(2006)

If this movie doesn't turn your stomach, then you're probably already one of them. The film definitely has an agenda, though quite honestly I can't help but think how objective this is when compared to what would have come from someone like Michael Moore. Anyway, a terrifying view of fundamentalist Christianity, and a great reminder of the importance of the separation of church and state.

Bukowski: Born into This

A fascinating look at the troubled and prolific Charles Bukowski. I have a special place in my heart for artists who suffer and wallow in their work, and this film does a great job of showing the complexities and demons of one of America's celebrated writers.


Acceptably entertaining, though admittedly not really my bag.

Get Low
Get Low(2010)

Duvall is great in this film that almost flew under my radar. Murray is good as well. A couple minor things kept it from being a really great film, but it was enjoyable nonetheless.

When We Were Kings

A very engaging and interesting documentary, which gives us a glimpse into the historical record of one of the most significant professional fights ever held. In the end, though, I couldn't help but feel like there was too much Ali-worship going on.


At least it was better than Puppet Master.

Stranger Than Paradise

Jarmusch is a director that I'm deciding I appreciate more than I like. His character studies, static cinematography, and purposefully aimless and awkward narratives do evoke a certain aesthetic that I find interesting to watch, though. Stranger than Paradise, amongst his first works, definitely embodies his style.


A wonderful documentary on the battle for the counterculture and free speech.

The Lenny Bruce Performance Film

Interesting to watch the man who, had there not been, arguably would never have spawned the likes of Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy and scores of other comedians.


A pretty good little faustian flick.


I don't think I appreciated this much when I saw it as a kid. It was a better film upon a belated second viewing.

The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror

What should have been a slam dunk of awesomeness was, instead, a horrid and preachy affair with not enough of anything it would need to be a successful campy horror flick.

American Scary

An amusing little nostalgic trip into the history of horror hosting. Entertaining and informative, but ultimately a footnote in horror docs.

George Carlin: Complaints and Grievances

Not Carlin's best. Too little social commentary, too much potty humor in this one. Didn't strike a chord with me.

George Carlin... It's Bad for Ya!

Yeah, Carlin looks old and tired in his final stand-up special. That doesn't mean his commentary is any duller.

Fifty Dead Men Walking

An interesting and solid piece on the Troubles in Northern Ireland, though I don't think I'll find it extremely memorable in retrospect.

The Devil and Daniel Johnston

No matter one's opinion on Johnston's music, this is a captivating reflection on mental illness and art.


Charming and enjoyable without completely wowing me. I'd probably have liked this better had I seen it 30 years ago.

Ghost Dog - The Way of the Samurai

An interesting genre fusion from Jarmusch. I especially enjoyed the Haitian ice cream man's interactions with Ghost Dog.


Predictable feel-good rom-com with a twist that grazes over some cultural issues and seems to say little in the way of message other than, "Muslims need to lighten up." In the case of oppressive fundamentalism, though, I suppose that's valid enough.

Dead Man
Dead Man(1995)

A movie that starts out just great, is a little over-long, and ends up being merely a good movie. I enjoyed most of this, though.

Crimes and Misdemeanors

A masterful exercise by Allen. A movie that succeeds on many levels, and asks us to ponder such topics as morality, justice, and love.

Coffee and Cigarettes

I admire Jarmusch's premise here, but have to say that it falls prey to the scrutiny of anything told in such a fashion - some of the scenes are great, some are boring.

I'm Still Here

I admire the method acting approach it took to display this persona publicly for a couple years. Too bad it was such lofty means to a mediocre end. A couple amusing moments, but otherwise forgettable.


For its faults, still felt very original.


This was not the horrid movie I was expecting. The acting is pretty abysmal, sure enough, but the story is compelling because of its source material and there's enough gore to satisfy.

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto

A bore. Many more misses than hits.

Dance of the Dead

Hokey and cliched, it works nonetheless for what it is. Imagine a really, really good Troma film and you'd probably have something like this. Wait, I don't think there are breasts in this at all. Nevermind about the Troma comparison.

The Infidel
The Infidel(2010)

I thought it ended a little cheaply, but most of this movie was a very enjoyable experience. Makes a great case that our humanity trumps our religious and cultural differences.

The King's Speech

Well acted and entertaining, I can see why this was an Oscar darling. That said, True Grit was still the best film of 2010.


Less entertaining than the rest of 1981's werewolf movies. Olmos' performance might be a shining point -- too bad it is so small.

Batman: Under the Red Hood

I was quite pleasantly surprised at the quality of this animated feature. It seems that DC comics has been quietly releasing some quality material as of late.


Flawed but not without merit. DeVito's vision is rough around the edges, but shows some promise in Nicholson's fine performance. He could stand to use some actual on-location filming rather than backlit sets. It's pretty obvious in outdoor shots what you're looking at.

Fritz the Cat

An interesting statement of the average 60's college student's motivations and attention span, but seems to be more of a chance to draw cartoon boobies. I found it a bit boring.

Nightmare Man

Boring and stupid. You can tell that some of this is intentional, but it's not tongue-in-cheek enough to convince me to be a fan of this piece of shit.

What Doesn't Kill You

Formulaic crime drama that never quite wows the audience or brings anything new to the table.

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein

Strikes out on so many levels. Too furious of a pace is a big gripe to start -- beyond that, De Niro's portrayal starts out great but devolves under Branagh's direction. All in all, a disappointing experience for me once I revisted it.


Controversial for pre-code, but still lacks the punch of modern gauging. I'm offering a modestly positive review for the context. How amazing is it to think of sitting in a theatre watching this in 1931?


Delivers on Rodriguez's promise in Grindhouse. One of the best popcorn flicks of 2011.

Paranormal Activity

Poorly acted and lacking in the suspense that reportedly made it so wonderful to begin with. Even with a barebones budget, this could have been done much better. I was thoroughly unimpressed, outside of a couple notable scenes.


Solid mob drama that I waited far too long to watch. Keitel and Kingsley deliver understated but wonderful performances. I'm not really a Beatty fan, but he carries the title role more three-dimensionally than we usually see him. Bening was A-Ok as well.

Paura nella cittÓ dei morti viventi (City Of The Living Dead) (The Gates of Hell)

A couple "classic" gore scenes (and sure, they're fun), and a whole lot of other crap that makes absolutely no damned sense whatsoever. I'm being generous with my rating. And I think I've seen about all I want of Fulci.

The Last of the Mohicans

I generally like my historical fiction to be sans romance, but I found this compelling nonetheless. I found the relationships glossed over and forced, but the end product was very compelling. It's not as epic as Mann probably was hoping, though.

Zombi 2
Zombi 2(1980)

This was worth it to me because I'm a zombie enthusiast, but in all honesty it's a mediocre flick with a couple really memorable scenes. Fulci, you're no Romero.

Triad Election (Hak se wui yi wo wai kwai)

This has more action and less depth than the first part of the series. Not a fluff piece by any stretch of the imagination, though -- in truth, this may be the better portion of the story. Compelling story? Violence? Why do I have to pick? To gives us both.

Election (Hak se wui)

There's a lot to follow and chew on here, and that's not a bad thing. To's story about the Wo Shing Triad, especially when viewed with its companion piece, is a really solid movie.

Gangster No. 1

Emotionally complex and violent, it's uneven in places but serves as a worthy entry into any mob movie must-see list. There are a couple scenes in this that are just little stylistic gems.

Easy A
Easy A(2010)

An above-average teen comedy that entertains throughout. It may be a touch formulaic, but it has some wit about it... which is enough to forgive a lot of faults. Emma Stone was a great fit for the role.

Rabid Grannies

Pretty terrible. I was just about excited as you could get to see elderly cannibals, but this movie could be used as a sleep aid. Once the action starts, you no longer care. Horrible overdub, but par for the course for a Troma pickup. A scant couple scenes are fun, or at least fun to laugh at.


There was so much potential in this movie, but it just doesn't quite live up to the groundwork it lays out early on. Falls into the category of 'interesting' rather than 'good'.

Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price

Has a clear and heavyhanded agenda, but nonetheless makes a compelling reinforcement to facts I've heard about for years. For those oblivious to the corporate evil of the retail giant, this will be eye-opening.

South Park: Imaginationland: The Movie

I'd forgotten how much I liked this until I watched it again.

The Boxer
The Boxer(1997)

I found it very difficult to get into this, even though I found no real fault in the performances or the plot. It improved on the resolution for me.

Winter's Bone

I think I break with the critical consensus. This was pretty average, in many respects. The 'teenager with a dysfunctional family raising her younger siblings' is pretty much a cliche at this point, as well.

Bigfoot Lives

Imagine a really bad paranormal website that a guy with no HTML or Flash experience put together. Now imagine he made a movie. That's what this crap feels like. A couple of the eyewitness stories are interesting, but most of it's just boring. As is usual in this type of doc, as well, lots of big leads get a start but never resolve on-camera. Mostly because there's nothing to them. Verdict: Crappy cryptozoology doc.


Very cool little PBS doc about the science of understanding dogs' relationships to humans.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

A competent flick that kept my interest for 2.5 hours. That alone should earn it some high marks. It was good to see a whodunit that wasn't a phoned-in cliche, even if a few turns were predictable. For what it is, it's very good.

Alice (Neco z Alenky)

Evokes some great dark mood that's always missing from these adaptations. I wish I'd seen it when it was first made -- I think the effects were dated and wore on my enjoyment. I admit to being bored through large parts of it, and annoyed by a few others. There were bits with so much potential, though.

The Men Who Stare at Goats

This was enjoyable, but I felt that it ultimately wasted a couple really good actors. Clooney is by far the shining star of this, no matter how much I like Bridges. All in all, the enjoyment I got from watching this was above average, but it also isn't something I'm likely to find extremely memorable.

EskalofrÝo (Shiver)

Nice twist on the monster movie genre, but still nothing to write home about. This lost some points for me, particularly in the resolution. An average movie with a decent premise.

The Town
The Town(2010)

Effective crime caper flick that had slightly less to do with the boring love interest angle than I feared. It's still shaky in spots, but Affleck's turning out to be a pretty competent director. I definitely prefer him behind the camera, rather than in front of it. Maybe he'll opt out of casting himself in his next feature.

Goin' South
Goin' South(1978)

Predictable enough in story to lose points, but still a unique spin to the western genre. Nicholson does an okay job, making a likable but not lovable western comedy. Some of the talent, though, was wasted IMO.

The Proposition

Cave presents a very well-scriped movie, and I agree that it's one of the best of its genre to come along in some time. I found Pearce's performance a little uninteresting, but Winstone was very good. All in all, an enjoyable Aussie Western with some good thematic elements.

Crips and Bloods: Made in America

Makes some out-and-out excuses for gang culture, but it does a very good job tying societal causation to inner city gang problems. Found it very interesting.

Cannibal! The Musical (Alferd Packer: The Musical)

The couple parts that were funny were absolutely freakin' hilarious. The rest was amateur and a little painful. Parker and Stone were definitely still trying to find their stride with this, but I'll give them some credit for making me laugh out loud a couple times.

The Ghoul
The Ghoul(1933)

Early Karloff. Suffers from poor plot execution, has an interesting character or two, and ends up being nothing at all to really write home about.


Good early work from del Toro -- it's a little rusty, but you can see him getting a handle on the craft here. Also a nice little take on the vampire genre. Ron Perlman's permhead is also hilarious.

Bad Boys
Bad Boys(1982)

Acceptable 80's-tastic movie. Hard to take seriously, especially since Sean Penn's a weasel who doesn't quite pull off the role convincingly, but it was still an alright watch.

Clash of the Titans

Campy and silly, but most of the stop-motion junk is too dated to really enjoy as anything other than playing MST3K on. Acceptable way to spend a couple hours, but it didn't hold up unfortunately.


This movie presented a couple problems for me in rating. 1. It is horrible. No doubt. 2. It is meant to be horrible. 3. Horrible as it is, it is self-aware and effectively satirizes every other horrible movie exactly like it. I just know I haven't laughed so hard at something in quite a long time. I'm giving it a 3 -- crappy entertainment value goes a long way.


Looked great. I'll give it that. I'm in the odd position of having not actually read much of the graphic novel, so I'm not sure how that would change my perception of the movie. As it is, I thought a fine job was done. Everything looked good, even if the story wasn't the most exciting for me in the end.

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai

Fun and ridiculous, but not quite the blast I was hoping it would be. The first half is actually quite good, but I felt like it faltered after a while as it devolved a bit into a more formulaic and less wacky movie. Still, nothing at all wrong with this bit of mid-80's silliness.

The Pope of Greenwich Village

Campy and light, with Eric Roberts in a good/borderline annoying role and Mickey Rourke with his face still in tact and at the top of his pre-Wrestler game. All in all, reasonably enjoyable.


A solid effort that I appreciated more than I liked it. I agree with Radford -- the Eurythmics shit was unnecessary.

My Left Foot
My Left Foot(1989)

Daniel Day-Lewis is crazy. But also one hell of an actor. A very human portrait of extraordinary circumstance.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

I don't think this was ever intended to be a good movie, so I'm not going to bash it for not being one. It wasn't the 'grossest movie ever,' that it was billed to me as by so many. It was, no doubt, gross, but could've been much worse in another director's hands (and budget). It falls to almost every horror movie stupidity cliche, but still entertains. It's not a good movie, but it's designed to keep you squirming on the edge of your seat. In that, it is a success. I'm giving Tom Six a pass on this and calling it a worthwhile accomplishment. He probably won't get a second pass.

True Grit
True Grit(2010)

Masterful. There's not a bad performance in this thing. The Coen Bros. put on a filmmaking clinic in this one. Easily the best film of 2010.

Sexy Beast
Sexy Beast(2000)

This movie grew on me a lot as it went along. Kingsley is a great actor, no doubt, and put in a wonderfully oddball/menacing performance here. All in all, I enjoyed this a good deal.

Little Shop of Horrors

I'd never seen this all the way through. It was an entertaining little piece from Frank Oz, but I can't say I completely loved it.

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia

A train wreck. It's hard to look away from it, though -- and while there's almost an air of celebration of rampant poverty, thievery, and drug abuse, I can't help but think more about how many freakin' felonies and felony confessions I heard during this documentary. Where others find resilience, I couldn't help but feel kind of sad. I hope DSS used this footage as grounds to remove every child from those homes, because they're all destined to grow up to be as dysfunctional as the adults chronicled here.

The Hills Have Eyes, Part 2

The damned dog has a flashback. No, it's not meant to be funny. Wes Craven should have been drug into the street and shot for unleashing this blasphemy of horror cinema onto the world. :P

The Fighter
The Fighter(2010)

Predictable and somewhat cliche, this is elevated above mediocrity only by the very fine performances of Bale and Wahlberg. The latter of which, I never quite thought I'd say that about. Ha.

A Prophet (Un prophete)

Immersive and thoroughly enjoyable -- I found a very deep and involved movie which spiraled out of the confines of a typical prison drama and transcended the tired stereotype of the 'brutalized prison newcomer' type movie. There is true depth and character development to this movie, which is rather rare for the genre. This truly was one of the year's best films.

Made in Britain

A very interesting character study that really wouldn't be so were it not for Tim Roth in the lead role.


I'm sure this is very average, but I'm a little biased since I'm a Lance Henriksen fan. Pumpkinhead made me happy.

Repo! The Genetic Opera

Interesting. Not enthralling, not wonderful, but definitely interesting. My attention was kept throughout most of this, so I suppose that's a plus. This might also be the best thing Paris Hilton's ever done with her worthless life.

Valhalla Rising

A violent and bloody art piece that's light on dialogue and heavy on mood. While I appreciate what Refn was trying to accomplish here, I think the light narrative structure and abstract angles miss as much as they hit. I understand the viewpoints of both the critics who hail this as a masterpiece and also those who admonish it as pretentious. For me, it was somewhere in the middle.


I know, I know. I don't know how I didn't see this. Anyway, it was fine. Summer popcorn fare, and little more. Light on story and character development, without being a horrible comic book adaptation. Seemed to me to be too many characters to pack in two hours.


Cliche and predictable, this was still good popcorn fare. Also the best Predator sequel, to boot.


Passable John Carpenter adaptation of King's novel. Not exactly a classic, but better horror than what was churned out during most of 1983 I'd figure.

Alice in Wonderland

This had a look of Burton, but didn't quite feel like a Burton movie. I'll conveniently blame Disney. It wasn't horrid, but I felt a little disconnected through most of it. All in all, I tend to agree with most of what I'd been told by others -- visually pleasant, nothing particularly wrong with it, but it was just an average affair at the end of it all.

Tank Girl
Tank Girl(1995)

I can see why it's a cult classic or whatever, but I found it kind of grating. I think that's really the only possible options with Tank Girl -- it irritates the shit out of you, or you say, "OMG, this is the best thing ever," as you rock back and forth and drool. There is no in between.


A slightly above-average genetic monster creature feature. Deals with a few themes than transcends the average monster movie, but it still devolves into relative cliche near the end. I enjoyed its take on parenthood, and detected even a hint of (perhaps naive) misogyny that amused me.

Puppet Master

I recall wanting to see this so much as a kid. Now I realize that I really missed nothing at all. Kinda sad. David Schmoeller, your average is kinda low.


Klaus Kinski is sufficiently creepy, but in the end this turns out to be rather much a dud.

Zombies paletos

Holy hell, i just wanted someone to make this stop. This reminded me of what a public access channel's version of a zombie movie would look like. It was just... horrible. There was a freakin' BOOM MIC in one of the shots. The hell? A six year old could edit that out. Horrid.

The Burrowers

Better than a SciFi original, but what starts as a pretty interesting dark western kinda dissolves in that direction. The CGI wasn't impressive, but the rest of the atmosphere and cinematography was pretty good. All in all, not a bad watch.


This wasn't horrible, but it wasn't good either. There was a little too much recycled footage in this, too. All in all, a cool premise but entirely forgettable.


Acceptably campy sci-fi B-movie. I was reasonably entertained. It was also short, which was a plus. I think the short running time definitely had something to do with how well I tolerated it.

Bloodsucking Cinema

This was fine, but didn't delve deep enough. It was a glossing-over of major studio releases. They didn't even mention Near Dark!

Pee-wee's Big Adventure

I'd never sat through the whole thing, but once I did I found this to be acceptable early Burton. Much more tolerable than I expected it would be, yet it didn't wow me anywhere either. Some good moments, and a quirky little film.

Five Minutes of Heaven

A very enthralling reflection upon pain, reconciliation, and that which left unresolved which haunts us throughout our lives. I unexpectedly enjoyed this quite a bit.

Night of the Demons

This could have been a lot more fun than it actually was. At least it was better than a Scifi original.

Heavy Metal
Heavy Metal(1981)

I probably would have liked this when I was 13. I think this is probably less compelling for people who have seen real breasts and would like a coherent story, though. A couple decent animated sequences lift it up to 'meh'.


I forgot I got dragged out to see this. Not unbearable, but still a drama-fest without any real soul. Overdramatic and forced, I didn't feel any real substance in this.

The Toxic Avenger

I haven't seen this in years! It's one of Troma's few actual gems... which isn't to say it's 'good', but it's definitely enjoyable. Such a quotable movie. "He's stressin' me, Julie!"

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Explores a horrific event in both broad and intimate terms. At the time, this probably would've creeped me out real good. As it is, it stands as a solid entry in any horror collection.

Plan 9 from Outer Space

It's hard to know what to rate this sort of movie. There are parts that are so horrible they're pretty hilarious, but that really doesn't do anything but provide unintentional credit. The stock footage cracked me up. Oh, Ed Wood.

Enemy Mine
Enemy Mine(1985)

Haven't seen this since I was a kid. It probably gets a half point for nostalgia alone, but it does touch on a few themes that it never truly delivers on but does take an admirable stab at. It coulda been a contender, in a different director's hands.

Survival of the Dead

This is among Romero's weakest entries. I really wanted to like it -- and I did, for what it was. But honestly, we see a low point in Romero's series reached. The social commentary is there, but less pointed. The dialogue is a little flat in places. The father of all zombies resorts to a heavier use of CGI. All in all, this was a movie that was better than most anyone else could produce... but worse than I expect from Romero. He either needs to end it here, or come back with a great finale to cap his series off right.

Where the Buffalo Roam

I agree with the critics that said this was too meek for Thompson's work. I also say, though, that Peter Boyle was one of the most underrated actors of his generation.

Vampire Circus

I didn't pay attention to most of this, because I found it boring. I should give it another shot. In all likelihood, though, I never will.


Probably one of the better adaptations of a Stephen King story. I'd never seen the entire thing until recently.

The Plague Dogs

Dated, but not a complete waste.

The Dead Next Door

Holy hell, this was bad. Horrible acting, a couple funny lines, and lots of people named after horror icons. That about sums this stinker up.

Theater of Blood (Theatre of Blood) (Much Ado About Murder)

Campy and very amusing -- Vincent Price is always a treat to watch.


Pitt's performance was really the only high point of this. Duchovny's voiceover reminded me of the horrible theatre cut of Blade Runner, and had about the same inflection of Harrison Ford at studio gunpoint.


Great ending to the series. Much darker than its predecessor, which I also enjoyed. I'm pretty sure this would be enjoyable even to people walking blindly into this, but it's definitely meant to cap off a series that was cut far too short.

Class of Nuke 'Em High

Actually one of the better Troma films. At least it's not painful to watch.

Boyz n the Hood

Dated, but still a compelling look at a culture that so many live in yet so few pay attention to.

Not Your Typical Bigfoot Movie

This has way more to do with class and the human condition than it does with Bigfoot. It's worth the time to watch. Reminded me a little of American Movie.

This Film Is Not Yet Rated

This was great. An eye-opening film that shows both the plight of the independent filmmaker and the thinly veiled censorship of our media and culture by a handful of studio-pleasing strangers.


Merely acceptable. I'd appreciate this more, had I seen it in the 90's. I'm sure of it.

Swamp Thing
Swamp Thing(1982)

Acceptably entertaining. Not the campy awesomeness I was promised, though.

Dead Snow (D°d sn°)

I would say it brings nothing new to the zombie genre, except it brings FRICKIN' NAZI ZOMBIES. It an enjoyable romp, and worth a watch for any zombie enthusiast. If you also happen to be a Nazi enthusiast, well, this might be your new favorite movie.

Sherlock Holmes

Good cast -- I'm a fan of the late Victorian era, but ... all said and done, this was at best unimpressive and at worst a little boring.

Friday the 13th - The Final Chapter

Painful. Corey Feldman should have never been allowed in any movie, ever. I forsake even the Frog Brothers when I say this. Okay, maybe not the Frog Brothers.

Friday the 13th Part 3

It's already tired at this point.

Friday the 13th Part 2

Notable as being the first real appearance of Jason Voorhees as a monster, but beyond that it's pretty forgettable. Nostalgia earns it a good half point. I mean, you've gotta take into account that this was one of the handful of films that helped CREATE the tired old formulaic slasher genre. It goes downhill sharply from here.

The Professionals

Not a bad flick at all. Lee Marvin kicking some ass FTW. I'm a sucker for a good old fashioned Western. Jack Palance as a Mexican, though, is almost as funny as Charlton Heston as one.

Harry Brown
Harry Brown(2010)

A solid revenge flick. It's not terribly deep, but it's not really meant to be. Michael Caine still has his acting chops, that's for damn sure.

Satan's Little Helper

Horrible acting. I couldn't figure out if the kid was supposed to be mentally retarded or if it was just a joke to perpetuate the dumb slasher film spoof. Still, this was more entertaining than a SciFi original. I'm probably being far too kind to it, but at least it didn't bore me to death.

The Host
The Host(2007)

Campy, satirical, and paced just well enough to keep you interested, I can say nothing but good things about this good old-fashioned monster movie throwback. For whatever it lacked, it was just plain fun to watch -- which, in itself, should go a hell of a long way toward any critique.


Mean-spirited yet still humorous, Maher goes after people who are largely unsuspecting of his motives and intellectually incapable of actually debating. In other words, Maher mostly takes cheap shots against idiots instead of finding people who could talk intelligently on theology. While often humorous, I failed to see any real merit in making fun of stupid people for almost two hours.

Down by Law
Down by Law(1986)

I loved the tone of the first half of this movie. Appreciated most of the rest. A couple fun characterizations led to a solid, enjoyable effort from Jarmusch. Of course I dug the soundtrack, too. It was stuff off the Rain Dogs album!


A refreshingly irreverent comic adaptation. Visually impressive, and pretty fun. No complaints, here. Not sure what had people so upset about the content of this, really.

Terror Firmer

Very good for a Troma film. I chuckled audibly a few times, and found a couple great quotables in this. ("I'm about to cut me off a slice of that... fried bologna.")

Black Water
Black Water(2008)

Better than your average 'monster in the wilderness' flick. Nothing to write home about, but it doesn't fall prey to the standard CGI-laden conventions of your run-of-the-mill SciFi original either. It was an acceptable horror flick.

New Jack City

Hilariously dated. Ice-T was still pretty badass, though. Peebles views crime and social issues with perhaps too broad of a brushstroke, but there are a couple really good performances in this. Also, crackhead rehabilitation montage FTW.

Assault on Precinct 13

What a great, 70's-licious movie. A great homage to Night of the Living Dead and the classic western.

The Pit and the Pendulum

A little too campy to be serious, and too serious to be campy. This ended up being kind of a dud, despite a couple cool scenes and the inclusion of Lance Henriksen.

The Last Winter

Admirable in theme and message (if a bit heavy-handed), with a couple cool scenes and some drawn-out tension. But, ultimately, this didn't prove to be much more than a slow horror/thriller with a unique slant.


I might have to finally concede that Christopher Nolan is a really good filmmaker. There were a couple holes in this, but all in all it was just great.

The Crazies
The Crazies(2010)

Predictable and cliche, but passable. Better than I originally feared it would be, but definitely not a great horror movie. This was ultimately a pretty forgettable remake that at least didn't slap its source material in the face.

On the Waterfront

I somehow got this far in life without seeing this. A really great film which held up remarkably well over the decades that followed its release.

A Boy and His Dog

Social commentary or not, you couldn't make this kind of tongue-in-cheek misogynistic movie these days without riling up a bajillion people with more political correctness than brains. The end redeemed a lot of its flaws. Also, this is probably the only thing Don Johnson's ever touched that truly didn't suck.

Andy Warhol's Frankenstein

By no stretch of the imagination is this a good movie when viewed on the surface, but it's a big self-aware joke and I can respect that. The absurdity of the entire premise was pretty amusing, anyway. Besides, it does have a couple really awesome quotables in it.


This doesn't break new ground, but it was a fun little romp on one of my favorite subjects. Very good, for an hour-long documentary.

Alix Lambert's: The Mark of Cain

While some of the things we see are striking and very interesting, this left me feeling like we could've explored so much more on this subject. The fact that it touches upon the corruption and utter horror of the Russian federal prison system but doesn't delve too deep also leaves me feeling like this documentary was merely the tip of the iceberg on a much broader topic.


Interesting and fresh without being anything that will knock your socks off, Bronson is a refreshing divergence from the standard biopic or the standard prison drama. There's a lot of wang in this movie, though. Damn.

Be Here to Love Me: A Film About Townes Van Zandt

A quite satisfying look at the life of one of music's most dysfunctional treasures. Rather than one dimensionally praising his work, this film glaringly exposes many of the flaws of one of America's finest songwriters of all time.


Hokey and cliche, but it did keep my interest well. Still has a very 'direct to DVD' feel about it, unfortunately.

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (AVP 2)

More boring than you'd ever imagine a movie with both Aliens AND Predators should be. Most of this was just painful. Scifi original movie kinda painful, but without the mockability.

Youth in Revolt

Michael Cera stars yet again as the only character Michael Cera is capable of playing. Dude, it's wearing thin. This was fine, but treads on the all too common teen movie theme of 'gettin' laid' and really wastes a couple of really great cast members. I chuckled a couple times, but it wasn't anything terribly special.

I Sell the Dead

Despite its low budget, this campy little indie flick has a great cast and is quite a lot of fun. Just more proof that throwing money at a movie doesn't make it good.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Does it have some funny parts? Yes. Is it as cool as everyone told me? No. Is Kevin Smith's best work behind him? Definitely. I found this formulaic piece to be exactly what I was expecting, which left me with a very neutral opinion of it once it was done.

Time Bandits
Time Bandits(1981)

I have a feeling I would have thought much more of this movie had I seen it first as a child -- but, alas, it passed me by in my youth. This looks like the most mainstream thing Gilliam has made, but it still has a lot of his hallmarks of weirdness.

The Covenant
The Covenant(2006)

Kill it. Kill it with fire. I preface this by saying I was forced against my will to watch it. Preppy kids with magic powers and dialogue written by what I can only guess was a mentally challenged Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan. I was praising it as a gem of comedic cinema until I realized it wasn't meant to be.

Shutter Island

To say, "This isn't a great Scorsese movie," and still have it end up being 3 stars is saying something quite remarkable about Scorsese. It was fine, it was interesting, and it worked, but it wasn't anything to write home about afterward.

Mary and Max
Mary and Max(2009)

Dark, honest, sometimes humorous, and unconventionally touching. It's good to see that claymation isn't entirely dead yet.

The Road
The Road(2009)

I very much enjoyed the cinematography, the mysterious and (seemingly) intentional lack of explanation for some things, and the movie's commitment to being depressing as shit for two whole hours. A pretty good flick that I'd recommend to others. Paints one of the most realistic pictures of a post-apocalyptic landscape that I've seen in cinema.

Where the Wild Things Are

Enjoyed it. All the people who whined about this not being a childrens' movie are very much wrong. It is quite possibly one of those brutally honest childrens movies I've ever seen. What, you were expecting rainbows and kissing puppies from a Sendak adaptation?

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Gilliam's movies don't always come together like they should, but he definitely has vision. This could have been so much more than it was without having to compromise on the note of Ledger's death. Always good to see Tom Waits acting, though.

Crazy Heart
Crazy Heart(2009)

This movie would be very mediocre without Jeff Bridges. With him, it's actually pretty interesting to watch. There was a small part of me that thought this was The Wrestler in a cowboy hat, though. This was not, however, as good as that movie.

My Own Private Idaho

Ever thought, "People tell me I'm supposed to like this movie, but I really don't"? -- That's kinda what happened here. It earns a half point off of the cool Shakespearean backdrop, which elevates it, but even that is kinda ruined by listening to Keanu Reeves pretend he can act. Bleh.

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans

I really wanted to like this more, but it ended up being a 'meh' for me. I didn't dislike it, but... it'll never live up to Ferrara's original. A lot of it felt forced. I will admit, it's Cage's finest performance in years. I wish Kilmer had a bigger role in this.

Sid and Nancy

Gary Oldman is one hell of an actor. Also, I hope Nancy Spungen was nowhere near this annoying. If she was, I'm glad I never met her.


Not as good as I'd hoped, nor as bad as I'd feared. Solid take on the genre, and an interesting premise that left me thinking it felt very much like something Matheson might write. Overall, I enjoyed but was not wowed by this.


Definitely a different monster than I'm used to. I'm not sure, though, that it makes me truly like this movie. Some decent performances, though -- I'll give it that.


The first 1/3 of this kinda made me sleepy, but after a while I was kinda digging what Romero was doing. By the end, he's put so much humanity into these crazy-ass people that you almost forget they're batshit insane.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

My opinion of this might improve when it's inevitably put into basic cable rotation, but my initial impression was that this was a rather bland affair with a couple stupid scenes and a lame ending. It was certainly watchable, but I didn't get very excited about it at any point.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

About what you'd expect from Wes Anderson, were he to make an animated feature. Quiet and dry, and good but perhaps a tad overrated. ;)

Spoorloos (The Vanishing)

I liked it. Kinda scared of the American version. This was cool, though.

A Serious Man

Solid effort by the Coen Bros, who have made yet another movie that on the surface should be boring as shit but keeps you interested throughout. I'm not really sure how they do it.

The Wizard of Gore

Pioneering in the field of gore, even if 1970 effects left something to be desired. Feels a little dated, but still cool in its own silly, trippy way. Don't get me wrong -- it's not good. But it is what it is: a late 60's/early 70's exploitation gore-fest. If you dig that kinda stuff, then that rocks. If you dig plots and aren't so big on the dated gore effects, well....

Cabin Fever
Cabin Fever(2002)

It doesn't quite excel at being either a spoof or an homage to the 80's 'college party slasher' movie. It does have some impressive effects for being old school makeup, though. I give it props for that. It wasn't half as gory and gross as people made it out to be, though.

Bubba Ho-Tep
Bubba Ho-Tep(2003)

Hail to the chief, baby. No, I mean king. No, chief. Damnit, hail to Ozzie and Bruce. This is a fine bit of stupidity. Don't go in expecting Masterpiece Theatre, and you won't be disappointed. It's more like a fantastic B movie.


A better than average comedy with a good script and some decent acting, though it had just enough of that pseudo-witty Gilmore Girls chattery precociousness that I kinda wanted to bludgeon Ellen Page. Michael Cera was good, in the one and only role that Michael Cera's acting ability lets him play. I think all his characters should just be named Michael Cera.

What's Eating Gilbert Grape

Prior to this weekend, I'd only ever seen the last half hour of this movie like 14 times -- and never anything else. Anyway. It's decent. I still stand by my long-held assertion that Juliette Lewis always looks like she's smelling a really rancid fart, though.

Basket Case
Basket Case(1982)

Commendable for its fun, campy premise, low budget and a couple really (perhaps unintentionally) funny scenes. Still, it can only limp so far with the acting and effects. Still impressive what was done for $35k.

Citizen Kane
Citizen Kane(1941)

I can't believe it took me this long to watch this. Anyway -- an innovative masterpiece in its time that still holds up damned well. I was expecting to be very bored, but I was as engaged with this as with most any movie I've seen in a long time. Kudos for something that's almost 70 years old. Welles is a treat to watch. I'm sure I'd rate this higher if I had more context on the period it was made in, but I still thoroughly enjoyed it and recognize its significance to cinematic history.

500 Days of Summer

I was pleased to see a movie that dealt with relationships from a somewhat more honest viewpoint than we normally see, embracing a lot of its awkwardness and wtf-i-tude that goes along with that territory. Of course, it ended up being exactly the movie I didn't want it to be, so that did take the edge off of my rating.

Sleepaway Camp

A Friday the 13th clone with a fun little twist. It's not that great, but it does have a fun ending. All in all, a silly little romp that isn't too atrocious.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

Let's not discuss why I saw this. Let it only be said that I have, and it made me so sad I feel like I need a handful of Zoloft. Awful. Just... wow. Lots of horrible cameos. Lots of horrible dialogue. It probably isn't as bad as I'm claiming, but since I played Mystery Science Theatre on it ... well, it has to have a MST3K rating, no? I hate you, Nick and Norah. I hope you burn in Emo Indie Rock Hell.

The House of the Devil

This would've been a great Masters of Horror short. As it is, though, it's too much foreplay and not enough down & dirty. Suspense isn't meant to transcend into boredom, and that's what happens here. If it were 30m shorter, it would be a good flick. As-is, though, the payoff just isn't worth the wait.

Paradise Lost 2 - Revelations

More subjective than the first film. Gave me some things to think about, but in the end it's the same as the first -- all I'm really convinced of is that there are some crazy mofo's in Arkansas.

The Hangover
The Hangover(2009)

A weak 3, mostly because I've probably rated some real crap 2.5 -- and while this was not crap (in fact, some parts were pretty amusing), this was not the raging guffaw to end all guffaws that it was sold to me as. Folks overhyped the hell out of this thing. As far as Phillips' own work -- Old School was much better. As far as "raunchy" comedies go, there are a few recent ones that top this. All that said, it's still an above-average comedy with some genuinely funny moments. Galifianakis cracks me up, though I still insist he is not my doppelganger. :P


I finally saw this, after years of saying, "I should see that." Wow, I was hoping some indie weirdness would improve my view of David Lynch, but I've gotta say it didn't. There was some cool imagery in this, and dear Henry is altogether relatable in some respects, but overall I just wasn't won over. Maybe if it'd been a half hour shorter? I dunno. Anyway, I had the same thought I've had when watching most of David Lynch's work: "Is this guy trying to entertain me, or abuse me?" Though there were aspects I liked, I have to say I lean toward the latter still.

Slumdog Millionaire

After months of fending this off, it finally beat me into submission and arrived at my home. Damnit, Netflix. Anyway, as little interest as I had in watching this movie, I've got to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it when I actually received and viewed it.

The Fly
The Fly(1986)

Re-watched, since I haven't seen this in years. A fun little romp all around from Cronenberg. :)

The Dead Zone

Probably one of the best King adaptations out there, but not Cronenberg's best work. Walken's always fun to watch, though.

Gone Baby Gone

Ben Affleck is a douche, but he directed a pretty good movie. Damn him, and his douchey-ness.

Touch of Evil

Watching Charlton Heston playing a Mexican was hilarious. Watching Orson Welles' screen presence, though? Amazing.

This Is Spinal Tap

I saw this long ago, but had forgotten most of it. Re-netflix'd it, and very glad I did. I also forgot that the funniest damned parts of the movie are while the credits are rolling.

Waiting for Guffman

I'm going out on a small limb here and saying I preferred Best in Show. Not that I disliked this.

Public Enemies

This thing was jam packed full of recognizable stars, and you can tell that Mann was trying to make an epic here. What he made was a gangster movie with a few good scenes, some very good talent, but no real soul to speak of.

Paradise Lost: Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills

I'd read about this, but never watched the doc. Under the unforgiving backdrop of the deep south, we see how being different can bring some measure of persecution from a backwards society. I saw some persecution, intolerance, and a wealth of blatant ignorance in this film. What I did not see was anything that overtly pointed to guilt or innocence on the part of the West Memphis Three. In the sea of lazy officials, teens seeking stardom through infamy, rampant poverty and backwards parents, the only ones I really felt much sympathy for in the end were the kids who died.


Probably more jarring had I watched this in the time period it was made. It felt so very, very 70's to me... because, well, it was. But even still, I must say: Peter Boyle was an incredibly underrated dramatic actor. This guy could be scary. Anyone who thinks his bag was comedy should definitely give Joe a gander.


Incredibly endearing, and far weightier than most any "kid" film I've seen. Kudos to Pixar. This stuff's not really my bag, but they have a winner here.

It's Alive
It's Alive(1973)

Neither gory nor funny enough for my tastes. Still not crap. It's just horror schlock from 1973.

The Wicker Man

This would've had more of an effect on me in 1973, I think. In context, though, it was still equal parts hilarious and disconcerting. I can see how it is praised as a horror classic, despite being rather tame by my standards. It's original, though, to say the least.

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

Quality talent in an interesting narrative. It didn't wow me, but I enjoyed it. Also, I am now convinced that Marisa Tomei loves being naked.

In the Valley of Elah

If I were a Sarah Palin-worshipping, Fox News-watching type that thinks patriotism is a lapel pin and an ignorance of what 'teabagging' really means, I would be grossly offended by the liberal schlock in this movie. As-is, I just saw it as heavyhanded leftist message overlaid on a slightly above-average drama with some predictable and silly moments. Could've been less pushy with the message and still been a decent movie. There were some big names in small supporting roles in this movie, which surprised me.


Enjoyed the themes and setting presented, if not the entire narrative itself. Was rather surprised at how small De Niro's role was, but I enjoyed it.

Waltz with Bashir

Perhaps more 'interesting' than 'entertaining' -- this is a documentary of sorts presented almost entirely through animation, examining the first Lebanon war through the eyes of the Israeli soldiers who largely repressed the memories of atrocities both witnessed and committed.

Little Miss Sunshine

More of a long smirk than a raging guffaw, I still found this movie to be quite enjoyable.

Pink Flamingos

I'm not quite sure how I feel about this one. It's been on my list for some time, but it's one of those movies I don't know how to accurately rate. Do I appreciate it? Yes. It's wonderfully vile and dispicable, and I think John Waters is the bee's knees for making something so nasty in 1972. Did I like it? Ehh, parts? A little? No? I'm still not sure about that one. Anyway, you'll have to settle for this rambling for now. Probably forever.

Requiem for a Dream

Some very good, intense performances and a stylized presentation... but I do feel that all in all, this was overhyped a touch to me. Still better than average, heavyhanded messages and all.

The Night of the Hunter

Mitchum's performance was pretty good, but ... meh. I'm sure this was much better in 1955.

Gomorrah (Gomorra)

I found Gomorrah a little boring, personally, but I understood why it was this way. It was a very unromanticised, blunt portrayal of crime that did nothing to add the lights and glitter that we usually see in Western cinema. For that much, I'm rather thankful for this movie.

Anvil! The Story of Anvil

Decent documentary about the rock Gods that never quite were.

I Drink Your Blood

Not very good, but still oddly amusing. Perhaps it's amusing because it's not very good, but it doesn't quite fall into the "so bad it's good," genre. Perhaps I'll just say that it was pretty entertaining for an old grindhouse feature.

Ed Wood
Ed Wood(1994)

I never got to see this all the way through til now. Good performances all around, and I even forgave the appearance of Sarah Jessica Parker and her nasty face. Martin Landau and Depp were awesome. I enjoyed it. :)

Bakjwi (Thirst)

Despite all its blood, this movie still feels really slow. In fact, I'm not even sure I liked the first half of it. Once it gets going, though, it's actually a pretty enjoyable romp... and you appreciate the journey.

Hot Fuzz
Hot Fuzz(2007)

Successful at being both an homage and spoof of cop buddy movies. Quality work that I felt was good, but no Shaun of the Dead.

Death Note (Desu n˘to) (TV SHOW)

I appreciated the general concept and themes presented here, but wasn't a huge fan of the execution. There were some funny parts, but it was only because I was playing MST3K.

La Femme Nikita (Nikita)

I don't understand how this achieved cult status. It was like Pretty Woman with some ninja moves. The back half has Jean Reno, who is awesome as always... but it's not enough to redeem this. The last half hour or so brings this up to a very, very generous 2.

Broken Flowers

More questions than answers. Just like life. Simplistic direction of a complex emotional narrative. Bill Murray is an astoundingly underrated dramatic actor. I appreciated the journey. Sometimes that's all there is.

Bloodsucking Freaks

Gratuitous titties, tortureporn, and pretty poopy acting. Even still, there is a tiny touch of charm in this grindhouse exploitation flick. Just a tiny bit. I am probably in a minority for showing it any appreciation at all, though. Not that I ever wanna watch it again, or anything.

Jackie Brown
Jackie Brown(1997)

Shameful, I know. I've never seen the entirety of this in one sitting. Anyway, here goes: Amongst the more understated of Tarantino fare, but still a decent movie in its own right.

Cop Land
Cop Land(1997)

I avoided this thing like the plague for years, just assuming it was a piece of crap. It was actually a much better movie than I anticipated, despite its kind of simplistic good guys vs. bad guys message. It degenerated a bit into cliche, but had a strong cast.

Children of Men

Just a'ight for me. Just a'ight. Biggest props from my perspective go to the settings. I liked all the shanty rubble. Other than that, it felt pretty average.


I confess! I've never seen all of this. I think I was like 9 when it came out, and I was scared of seeing Darkman's real face. Anyway -- horrible FX (blame the times), formulaic, but campy and somehow a *little* bit cheesy and fun with Raimi at the helm.

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

This was reviewed well, but I didn't find a whole lot of enjoyment in it. Besides some above-par acting, I didn't see much to distinguish this from any other neo-noir-ish caper movie. It just didn't do much for me.

The Pawnbroker

One of the first films to deal with the Holocaust. Steiger turns in a strong, haunting performance. Depicts a painful character study, mirrored on a backdrop of the 60's inner city. I can see why this was recently added to the National Film Registry.

The French Connection

A fine performance by the leads, but it left me wishing I'd been around in 1971 to see this in the light of the rest of the era's cinema.

Sukiyaki Western Django

Style but not substance. The whole thing feels like an exercise in 'almost'. I like Miike, but this felt like something that could've been awesome but didn't quite make it. The old lady did briefly almost achieve GILF status when she was swingin' those pistols, though. Elements that were intentional (non-natives speaking baaaad Engrish) were nonetheless annoying to me at times. I dunno. It wasn't a complete miss, but it wasn't fantastic for me.

Drag Me to Hell

Raimi is back to his roots. I can only imagine how much better he'd done if he were willing to go back to an R rating (I do worry that he's cowtowing to teenie-bop-ism). Even without gore, though, this is an effort that is deftly horrific and comedic all at once. This is his niche, and I wish he would churn out more movies like this.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

A cheapening of good horror. The Savini effects were a rare positive. Some good gore, but too silly for my tastes. Black comedy is good, horror-comedy is good, but this felt like a bad 3 Stooges movie. With disembowelment. Raimi can do that well, but Hooper cannot. Meh.

The Thing
The Thing(1982)

A weak 3, but an above board creature feature with pretty awesome effects for the pre-CGI days of horror filmmaking. Talented cast. WILFORD BRIMLEY! Not astounding, but no regrets here.

The Man Who Wasn't There

Very good performances by Thornton & Shaloub. The Coen touch was on this, but it was more subtle than usual. It was interesting that this movie uniquely seemed a little boring, yet held my attention and interest all at once. A cinematic contradiction!

Dellamorte Dellamore (Cemetery Man) (Demons '95) (Of Death, of Love)

I kind of like where it ended up, but I was bored during this at times. Zombies and a unique, winding storyline redeemed it a little bit and earned it its last half star.

Trick 'r Treat

A nice Creepshow homage. Campy and fun, not tortureporn like so much of what comes out these days.

Blood Simple
Blood Simple(1984)

I finally got around to watching the first Coen Bros. effort, and I wish I'd done it sooner. It had a feel not unlike No Country For Old Men, and it was interesting to see the seeds of later projects here.

Once Upon a Time in the West

Keeping in mind the era, significance, etc., I enjoyed this. Fonda turned in a really good performance against type, IMO.

Naked Lunch
Naked Lunch(1991)

I would probably appreciate this opiate-laden hallucinatory trip a little more were I more acquainted with Burroughs' work. I may revisit the review at a later date. Still, Cronenberg doesn't deliver a bad movie. Just a very weird one.

Night of the Living Dead

A remake that was perhaps unnecessary, but nonetheless it's good as far as remakes go. Didn't hurt that George Romero scripted this, and I know Tom Savini handled it with the utmost care. I liked that they empowered Barbara a bit, and kept the basic themes intact.

The Station Agent

The cynical side of me wants to say this is a movie about bugging people until they submit to your friendship. Since I liked this movie, however, I'll say it's a movie about how friends are there for us even when we think we don't want or need them. Anyway, a very good flick that has a lot of heart without being sappy at all.

Benny & Joon
Benny & Joon(1993)

I seem to be in a minority by finding this movie more or less coming up short. Who knew I could be bored by a movie about a schizophrenic falling in love with a weird guy who's slow in the head? You'd think that would be a home run on the first pitch. Alas, it is not. It's not awful, but nothing feels genuine about this at all.

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer

Englund is actually entertaining, but our protagonist is not. I at least applaud its homage to campy CGI-less 80's horror, even if it takes a long-ass time to get to the monster slaying.


It's formulaic and has more pop culture references than I'd like, but in the end this was a very entertaining movie. When I first heard about this project, I didn't even want to see it ... but I'm very glad I did. This is a far cry, though, from the Romero social commentary films, and it's not exactly in league with spoofs like Shaun of the Dead. It's more the... summer popcorn version of a zombie movie, which hey -- that's fine by me. I'd rather watch brainless undead entertainment than a Michael Bay explode-a-thon any day. 3 stars for the movie, and the cameo guest + zombies share the final half star. I did it 'cause I can!


I actually didn't hate this the way most critics did. I also didn't praise it as genius, like a handful did. It was a movie that shocked a lot of folks, but I guess I'm too desensitized. I just wish Gilliam had gone farther -- he would've had a wonderful movie, rather than this. Jeff Bridges was actually really entertaining for a while, there, though.

Duck, You Sucker (Gi¨ la testa)

I enjoyed this. Who couldn't enjoy James Coburn? The man was a badass. Also praiseworthy because it raises the question of who truly benefits from revolution. A humorous statement on class struggle and revolt.

American Splendor

This rating may upgrade with reflection. I dunno. I enjoyed the movie pretty well, but I think I was expecting more than I got. Harvey is depressingly relatable at times, and it's refreshing to see a well-done movie about someone who's down and out more than up, and doesn't have a fairy tale ending. I think I just overhyped it to myself, a bit. Giamatti turns in a great performance, as does Friedlander.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

I was reasonably entertained, but there's nothing special here. It's basically Forrest Gump with a tiny granddad instead of a mentally challenged guy. Cate Blanchett is duller than a brick being used as a paperweight, and I spent most of the movie wishing Tiny Granddad had spent more time with the characters who were actually somewhat interesting.

I Spit on Your Grave (Day of the Woman)

This is yet another movie that ended up at my house because of a neglected Netflix queue. Y'know, I wanted to decry this as being exploitative of women, and all that jazz, but... most horror/splatter entertainment exploits... someone. How does the element of sexuality make this so much more reviled? I have to add that if we're being technical, I think this film exploits men -- because there are some stupid guys in this movie. ;) Hehheh. In the end, a couple scenes stand out. Forgettable, but neither as shocking nor horrible as I anticipated it would be.

Inglourious Basterds

Full of typical Tarantino touches, this film entertains well without absolutely blowing you away. It's perhaps the best film he's had his hands on in several years.

Miller's Crossing

A quiet little gem of a crime flick. Probably not on many people's lists of favorites, but it's definitely a good, solid movie with strong performances and a unique touch that only the Coen brothers can provide.

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

I liked it, but ... I don't know. Somehow, I was expecting more. More of a connection with the characters. More of a profound impression made. More of... something. Don't get me wrong, though, I enjoyed the film and its commentary on the importance of heartbreak.

Two Evil Eyes

Sadly, Argento's tale was better than Romero's. Neither was that great, though, honestly.

Romeo Is Bleeding

I got this largely on accident by neglecting my netflix queue. I'm probably being a little too hard on this, considering some of the movies I let slide by on 2's, but... damn, I was astounded that an actor as good as Gary Oldman was attached to a crap-tastic project like this. Watchable, but poop. Nothing clicks.

Everything is Illuminated

Quite simply, this is a beautiful movie. Quirky and lighthearted to begin with, poetic and offbeat sentimentalism on the back end. It's good enough that I overlooked most of its flaws (including Elijah Wood, who I hate). Not sure everyone will appreciate it, but I absolutely loved it.

Troll 2
Troll 2(1990)

One of the single worst movies I've ever seen. And it was absolutely, positively hilarious. If you want to spend 95 minutes giggling like a hyena at something that was never meant to be a comedy, rent this steaming pile of shit.


Doesn't make much sense, but it's kinda fun to mock. That troll's making shit way too complicated, if you ask me.


This had a few cool scenes, but the front half felt somewhat tedious. Could have been that I was tired, though. Ended much better than it started, though.

A Simple Plan

Liked it, didn't love it. A few things irritated me about it, including Bill Paxton's horrible narration voice. Billy Bob Thornton was pretty damned great, though.

The Machinist

I admire Bale's commitment to the role. It's not a great movie, but it's got its own unique charm. It leaves a lot of little clues for you to pick up along the way. You may or may not have it figured out by the end, but I admire any movie that makes me look for easter eggs and think.

Ghoulies II
Ghoulies II(1988)

What? No eyeball-lightning wars? Bah.


I was hoping for more. It's watchable, but hardly fun 80's camp.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer

Somewhat shoddy acting from the supporting cast was a downer for me. I gave it major points, though, for being rather uncompromising and unapologetic with its horror. There is no camp, there is no teen-friendly monster... there's just a human being, doing what human beings do best... awful, awful things.

Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear

It was fine. More or less kept my attention but wasn't great. I need more zombies out of Romero, though.

Step Brothers

I will start by saying that I am almost ashamed that I enjoyed this movie. Almost. But hey, sometimes you just need a good old fashioned movie with testicle jokes. It hit more than it missed. John C. Reilly is hilarious.

Bad Taste
Bad Taste(1989)

I knew this was on a threadbare budget, but I wasn't prepared for just how light this film would be. Still, you can see glimmers of humor, and hints at what Jackson would be able to do when he actually got a bankroll behind his movies. It was entertaining, despite being amateurish. Not good in terms of good movies, but great in terms of what Jackson was working with.

District 9
District 9(2009)

Engaging, entertaining, and thought-provoking. This movie is one that has a very deep message, yet will likely be lost on those who merely enjoy the action. Anyway, great directorial debut by Neill Blomkamp -- it'll be a hard act for him to follow up. Wonderful allegory for apartheid, and a sobering reminder that what humanity has most to fear is itself.

The Omen
The Omen(1976)

This isn't on the list of movies I haven't seen, but it's just one I've seen snippets of so long ago that I couldn't remember anything about it. Anyway, good 70's horror. Whee.

Rosemary's Baby

Another on the list of movies that I should have seen but had not until just recently. I tried to view it in a 40-year old light, so I might be rating it higher than I actually felt. Either way, it builds slowly and you eventually become engrossed. That's good in my book, no matter if it's got a little dust on it or not.


My instinct was to leave on my Romero rose-colored glasses with this one, but I just couldn't do it. It's not very good. I like the premise, but it wasn't executed all that well. The acting was on the bad side, the narrative was kind of 'meh', and ... yeah, well. I love Romero, but I can see why this didn't get theatre distribution. Perhaps my boy needs to stick to the blood and guts of horror and suspense, and give up with involved character development.


Liked it. Wes Anderson is still overrated as hell, though.

The Hills Have Eyes

Another in a long list of films I should've seen but never did. It was dated, hokey, but moderately entertaining. You can tell that Tobe Hooper's film influenced this a bit. I'm still waiting for Wes Craven to make something that convinces me he's the mega master of horror that Hollywood has deemed him.

The Crazies
The Crazies(1973)

Romero chocks this thing full of social commentary. Not half as gory as his standard fare, but interesting nonetheless.

Los CronocrÝmenes (Timecrimes)

Whoever wrote this must have had one hell of a headache when they were done. I saw a couple things coming, but overall enjoyed the movie and forgave even what parts didn't make a whole lot of sense. Good, not great. Gregstrodamas has spoken.

Fright Night
Fright Night(1985)

Remember the 80's? Weren't they great? Ha, what a great little vampire comedy spoof in the midst of the Slasher craze of the era.

Friday the 13th

Can you believe I've gone this long without seeing this? I have a theory why. When I was a kid, I saw a commercial for this movie -- corpse in the lake and all. It scared me shitless, and I think I carried a subliminal aversion to this ever since. Anyway -- pioneer of the slasher genre, check. Horrible acting, check. Dumb kids that you want to die indeed do die, and die frequently... check. Good movie? No. Entertaining? Sure. There -- I no longer have to live in the shame of having seen at least a piece of most every sequel to this but never the original.

Spider Baby
Spider Baby(1968)

I didn't love it, but I recognize its importance as a pioneer of the 'crazy killer family' horror movie motif. Lon Chaney Jr. had a pretty interesting role here, and it was fun to see Sid Haig way back in the day. Otherwise, cool for its era but not awesome.

Lost In Translation

A nice, misunderstood little film about loneliness, awkwardness, tediousness, and bitter resignation -- traits much more common to the human condition than any falsehood of the heartstrings conjured by most Hollywood studios who try to make us believe that Harlequin novels and Nicholas Sparks have anything at all to do with love and relationships. Bill Murray's performance was refreshing but not foreign to his element.

Dead Alive
Dead Alive(1993)

A great little gory comedy. I wish I hadn't been so tired when I watched it -- I probably would've liked it more and rated it higher.

Get Carter
Get Carter(1971)

I've watched him relegated to "old people" and supporting roles for so long, I'd almost forgotten what a badass Michael Caine can pull off. A very good 70's crime movie. Get Carter, thou art no longer on my list of movies to watch.

T˘ky˘ Zankoku Keisatsu (Tokyo Gore Police)

This is mostly trash (with a little social commentary in heavy-handed insertions), but at least it's fun trash. This has got to rank up there with one of the goriest movies ever made. One of the reviewers equated their budget for fake blood with Titanic's budget for fake seawater, and it's not that far off the mark. Sheesh. Turn off your brain and enjoy some blood geysers, folks. :)

Deep Red (Profondo rosso)

I'm told this is Dario Argento's masterpiece. I have to say, I hope it is not. It's got some cool twists, but it's horribly dated for me. I wanted to give it high marks, but I went with my gut. 2.5, probably a 3 if I saw it back in the day. The music of Goblin is horrid, fyi. HORRID. That probably lost it a half dot right there.

Pineapple Express

Better than average buddy movie, but not Seth Rogen's best work. James Franco was pretty cool, which might be the only time I can say that about him. There were a handful of a good 'ha-ha' moments, but it felt a little beneath the caliber of the talent on a few occasions, too.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

I can't believe I've gone this long without seeing this in its entirety. Innovative on some fronts, but mostly hilarious. A definite win.


This was way more entertaining than I anticipated. Probably the best Ron Howard movie I've ever seen. He's not my favorite director, but he did a great job with this.

Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride

They could have gotten a lot deeper with this subject matter, but this was still a really good (though most of it through celebrity interviews) look into the life of, IMO, one of the most interesting and innovative figures of the 20th century.

Dead and Breakfast

When you make a movie like this, there's often a fine line between parody and the subject matter of the parody. This doesn't really hit on the mark for me. It has a couple nice moments (line dancing zombies, anyone?), it's watchable, but it's also largely forgettable.

Vampyr - Der Traum des Allan Grey

I'm not going to pretend that I love 1930's cinema, even 1930's horror cinema. This does have some very captivating visuals, though, and I recognize that it was both somewhat conceptually and technically ahead of its time upon release. It's got a very creepy tone, and some genuine weirdness sprinkled in.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (Hellboy 2)

Exciting visuals, but the back half fizzles a little for me. I think I liked it better than the first one. Del Toro is, if nothing else, a fantastic visually-minded director. His films won't always wow you, but they're also usually not junk.

Sympathy for Lady Vengeance

The weakest entry in Chan-wook Park's Revenge Trilogy, in my opinion. Still a good movie from a great director, though.

Kataude mashin gÔru (The Machine Girl)

Slightly better than average way to waste 90 minutes. It should be seen on the general premise alone, even if it is an uneven campfest. The last half hour is pretty groovy.

My Name Is Bruce

This is way better than what I see on cable most any day. That said, it's still not a great movie -- but if you go into it expecting greatness, you've misinterpreted the entire point of it. It's a B movie that parodies all the B movies that a fabulous B movie actor has been a part of. It's an unabashed homage to Bruce Campbell, and it works on some levels. If you don't know or like Bruce, you're gonna hate this movie. If you do, you'll chuckle a few times and think, "Gee, if Sam Raimi had done this it would've been even better." Take it for what it is, and you'll be happy. The best thing it does, IMO, is show you how overblown Hollywood production values are. This movie was done on $1.5M, from what I read.


-- A couple cool-looking monsters and sub-par acting all around. I've decided that David Chronenberg really should stay behind the camera instead of in front of it. Protagonist dude was also pretty dull and boring.


-- Solid performances all around and eye-opening subject matter that most people don't spend much time thinking about. Sean Penn usually is offputting to me, but he did well in this role. Josh Brolin turned in a very good supporting performance in this.

The People Under The Stairs

-- I'm not the biggest Wes Craven fan, but this is an okay movie. Nothing too special, though I did enjoy the attempt at social commentary... hokey as it might've been.


A very personal and emotional story about life before and after the Iranian revolution. Overall, it works.

Tim Burton's Corpse Bride

Nice to see Tim Burton back to his stop-motion roots.

Phantasm: Remastered

It's stupid enough to be funny, but not really funny enough to be good. I understand the camp value that made this a cult hit, but it didn't strike the right chord for me to make it onto my list of horror movies I love.

Rumble Fish
Rumble Fish(1983)

Another in the long list of movies I should've seen by now but have not. Whatever Francis Ford Coppola got from S. E. Hinton, I wish he hadn't smoked it and made this movie. It's visually unique, sure, but this entire movie is an exercise in "trying too fucking hard to be cool". Needless to say, there's a lot that's wrong with this movie. Melodrama so thick you could cut it with a knife. Metaphors that lack subtlety to a degree that there might as well be neon signs over them. Matt Dillon got lost somewhere between Grease and The Outsiders. Mickey Rourke almost gives a good performance, except about halfway through you wonder if he's going to bend his little brother over and buttrape him. Dennis Hopper takes a unique turn as an alcoholic who actually seems like a downright pleasant dad to have, so I don't know what they're so down in the mouth about. Tom Waits is interesting in one of his smaller movie roles, and it was fun seeing folks like Nicholas Cage & Lawrence Fishburne while they were still little fish. Overall, though, I found this to be bland, overly dramatic, and filmed in such a way that the director was hoping that style would overcome the lack of substance. It doesn't.

Koroshiya 1 (Ichi the Killer)

Okay. I kept telling myself to downgrade this a little. It was extremely gory, perverse, weird, the ending made no sense, and this same movie would never fly for some reason if it were made for English-speaking audiences. But damn it, I freakin' liked it. A lot. Which probably means I'm at least halfway as depraved as this movie is.


It's vampire night around here. I admit to not having seen the entirety of this film -- blasphemy, I know. So, I watched it tonight. True, Bela Lugosi sometimes looks like he's trying to pass an eight pound turd... but damn, this set the entire tone to the way an entire genre played out for years. Hard to relate to critically in this era, but Browning's film is definitely noteworthy and historically significant.


Very slow. Very dated. Very significant to the horror genre, and incredibly overlooked. I won't go so far as to say I loved this movie -- but I found it very interesting. It's a character study from George Romero, a director much more well known for social commentaries that don't focus on individuals too much. It's not perfect, it doesn't hit all the right marks, but there's something about it that's very compelling. It's one of those movies I liked a lot more after turning off the movie and thinking and researching for a while. To put it in context for its period, this could be viewed as both a psychological horror movie and a precursor to the modern slasher. Instead, it's an odd hybrid that is incredibly defining of its period in horror movies. You won't love it -- in fact, it might bore you a little -- but it's quirky and depressing and a little bit funny all at once. The more thought I gave to it, the periods of mundane and desolation seem to have had purpose. I'm glad I finally saw this film from one of my favorite directors.

Ghost in the Shell

Finally watched this because I didn't have to pay to rent it. Ha. My hatred of all things anime has kept me from it for a long time, but I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. I loved the questions on humanity and identity that it explores.

Dumpster Baby

Congratulations, Richard Linklater. Someone made a half-assed homage to your best movie. Unfortunately, it was a horrible, horrible Troma movie. I was really hoping this would be in the 'so-bad-it's-good' category. I had such high hopes, with the title and all. It just wasn't meant to be. Let me put it in perspective: In high school, my friends and I wanted to make a Hobbit parody called The Bobbit. On grocery store stockboy wages, I think we could've pulled off a higher quality production. The sound quality was so horrible that I couldn't understand some of the dialogue even with my headphones cranked to maximum. I upgraded it from a half dot to a full dot simply for the Linklater tribute and the two times I halfway chuckled at it. The best line: "Bring that baby back to me when it's old enough to suck my dick!" -- Sorry, that's the high point. And only because it's said by an effeminate black gangbanger.

American Zombie

It gets points for originality. It loses points for being a little boring from time to time. I didn't feel it quite lived up to its potential, but it's not a bad rent for a mockumentary. I had trouble figuring out whether this was a 2.5 or a 3. I'm going with 3, just because I love me some zombies. That's probably a little generous, though.

Gran Torino
Gran Torino(2009)

It's got a rather predictable (and somewhat melodramatic) basic narrative, but it was enjoyable and touching in its own little way. It might not be the most poetic or technically polished work, but one thing I've noticed from Clint Eastwood is that he never, ever, ever gives you crap. Consistency has its merit. This was a good entry into his catalog of work.

Let the Right One In

Easily one of the best vampire movies I've ever seen -- and I've seen a lot of 'em. The movie's so unique, it's hard to pin into a single genre. It's rather slowly paced and somber, but it pulls you in and keeps your interest well. A very original take on the vampire mythos. It's definitely on my list of movies to own, eventually.

The Devil's Backbone (El Espinazo del diablo)

I finally got around to seeing this, after having it on my list for years. It was a very cool little tale. Probably would've had more pop for me if the subtitling weren't done by rhesus monkeys. I felt like I lost a ton of dialogue, and depth as a result. That's not Del Toro's fault, though. You can see the seeds of Pan's Labyrinth here -- this is a talented director who knows how to create a certain mysterious atmosphere around a story.


This was a very enjoyable and thought-provoking film. Hoffman was superb. Streep was very, very good as well. The thing I enjoyed most was that it provoked me into actually thinking about the subject matter the entire time I was watching. I wasn't just a popcorn-munching observer, I was pondering what I was presented with. Any movie that can do that deserves some kudos.

Star Trek
Star Trek(2009)

It's a summer blockbuster come early, and I mean that as a compliment even though I usually hate summer blockbusters. It was dumb enough to be fun, smart enough to hold my attention, and pretty funny to boot. My biggest gripe was seeing Tyler Perry anywhere near this movie. Tyler Perry should be barred from any occupation that involves a camera. Or scripts.

Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance

Very good. It's no Oldboy, but Chan-wook Park is quickly becoming a favorite director of mine.


Very cool. The last 1/3 of the movie dispelled all reservations that the middle 1/3 created. I sniffed out a couple of the twists and turns early, but it was still a fun ride. This wasn't the film I was expecting at all.

An American Haunting

The only haunting going on here is the ghost of the $1.99 in my wallet that's tormenting me.

The Bell Witch story is awesome. Go read about it. THIS, however, is crap. Crappity crap crap.

The Outlaw Josey Wales

You know, as many times as I saw part of this as a kid, I didn't watch it through until tonight when I happened to catch its entirety on television. Wow, what a solid western directed by Eastwood, in an era where westerns were no longer cool. I enjoyed it.


A weak three, but I'm giving it a three nonetheless. It wasn't anything spectacular, but it was a nice campy flick with a few funny scenes.

The Wrestler
The Wrestler(2008)

I may downgrade this to a 3.5, but I've been wrestling (hyuck) back and forth with the correct rating. This film was raw, gritty, and full of emotion. Rourke gives the performance of his life -- that hype is definitely true. It definitely deserves the Oscar nods it's gotten.

Harold and Maude

I am kinda sad that I can't mock this movie anymore now that I've seen it. It was really better than I was expecting, and was bizarre enough that I couldn't help but like it. It's okay Harold, I love Maude a little bit too.

Lars and the Real Girl

I wouldn't say this is a great movie, but it really got me thinking about what people really define as delusion. I really loved the effect the doll had on the town, even if I could see the ending coming a mile away.


It's what I expected. A semi-fictional biopic about a historic person that held my attention throughout without wowing me. I can't fault the filmmaker here. One note: Sergei Bodrov loves blood spraying out of wounds. Some guys are drippers, some are gushers, some are sprayers. Sergei, you are a sprayer.

The Last Temptation of Christ

I know, I know -- what kind of Scorsese fan am I if I haven't seen this? I don't know how I missed it. Interesting insight to the purported human psyche of the biblical Christ. Not all that controversial, IMO. I can see why Keitel got nominated for his razzie for this, but I don't think it was his fault. Perhaps not the best casting for someone you're going to make use his natural voice for Judas.


This movie got reviewed a little too high, IMO. I got the parody angle. I got the low-budget... making something outta very little... angle. It was pretty good, for what it was. It wasn't half as good as I was hoping, though. Drunk girl was amusing. Big tooth girl was, too. I won't give away the most disappointing part, because it's a spoiler.


This is nothing that will redefine the western genre, but it brought a couple new (or at least, underutilized) themes to the table. It doesn't reinvent the genre, but it's a mighty fine product of it. Renee Zellweger is annoying, but I think that's the point of her being there. Viggo Mortensen is pretty damned great. Ed Harris is ... interesting. But I found Mortensen to overshadow him throughout.

The United States of Leland

Too sappy for its own good. Too many kids I don't care about doing things I don't care about. It didn't strike a real chord with me, but I didn't hate it either.


Is it a classic? I dunno. But it's better than average, for its time and what it is. Nicholson gives a solid performance.

Burn After Reading

Didn't quite ring home with me the way most Coen Bros. movies do, but it was still pretty good. Giving it a three, because I'm sure there are way crappier movies that I've given out 2.5's to. 3 is probably accurate, here.

Planet Terror (Grindhouse Presents: Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror)

I give this slightly higher marks than Death Proof. It was a solid zombie-esque romp with a lot of camp. Rodriguez did a good job with this thing.

Death Proof
Death Proof(2007)

I really wasn't excited about seeing this before I saw Planet Terror, but I didn't feel like it was a complete experience without it. I was pleasantly surprised at first, but the movie didn't end up satisfying after the first act. I do have to say, Stuntman Mike rocks. At least on the front half of this thing.

The X-Files: I Want to Believe (The X Files 2)

I expected way more. It was like a really mediocre episode.

Tropic Thunder

Considering this had Ben Stiller in it, I was surprised it didn't suck complete ass. I did notice one of the Coen brothers helped write the screenplay. That explained a little. Not great, not bad. You'd probably expect more from this cast.


At first, I was really excited. It was like someone managed to get a couple million bucks and was told to take all their rage out against horrible SciFi channel monster movies. I laughed out loud a couple times. It was great. Though the longer it went, the less it seemed a mockery of its genre... and the more it felt to be an homage. Too bad -- the last 20 minutes shaved a good half star off of this for me.

Bad Lieutenant

I finally saw this! Wow. Might be Harvey Keitel's best performance. He puts his all into this guy and makes the movie. No one else could've done this justice.

The Incredible Hulk

Most fanboys won't agree with me, but I found this to be better than Iron Man. And it was way better than the piece of shit they put out back in 2000 or whenever.

Blade Runner
Blade Runner(1982)

Finally rewatched this. I wish I liked it as much as most people seem to. It's just a'ight for me, though.


A solid comedy that lets you root for the geek. Suck it, American Pie crap.


I liked this more than I thought I would like it. Though it does get a little Rambo-esque at some point.

Iron Man
Iron Man(2008)

Downey did a good job, but I really wasn't half as impressed with this movie as most people seem to be. Maybe I just like gadgets and explosions less than most guys.


An incredibly unique spin on the zombie genre. It's no Shaun of the Dead, but it's good nonetheless.

Bridge to Terabithia

My suspicions were confirmed. This was "My Girl" with a troll. Still, entertaining enough since nothing else was on TV.


Cheesy and lovable. I re-watched this because I'd forgotten so much. Jim Henson is off the hiz-ook.

The Warriors
The Warriors(1979)

Someone told me about this years ago, and I've kept putting off seeing this. I wish I hadn't. The setting is gritty and dark. Sure, it's a little campy and dated, but I can definitely see why the fanboys love this movie.

We Own the Night

A 2 is generous. This barely held my attention. A flat Scorcese ripoff.

Once Upon a Time in America

Sprawling. Long. Interesting. Did I mention 'long'? I probably wouldn't wanna see it twice, but it was reasonably enjoyable... and anything that's almost four hours had better be.

30 Days of Night

It's not really a good movie, but it's way better than most vampire movies. If you wanna see some cool-looking vamps that aren't seducing people in capes, here's your ticket.


I might like this better had I seen it when it came out. It's dated and the characters are a little flat. Chronenberg hadn't perfected his art yet, but you can see where it's headed.

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

It's no White Castle, but it's still way better than your average comedy. Poor NPH!

The Hudsucker Proxy

I can't believe I'd never seen this. A solid and enjoyable entry in the Coen Brothers' catalogue.

The Dark Knight

Completely succeeds at being a great summer blockbuster. Christian Bale is flat and lifeless as ever, but Heath Ledger's performance will go down as one of the best cinematic portrayals of a villain, period.

King of New York

It's dirty and gritty, and it has Christopher Walken in it. It was very cool in premise, but didn't pan out the way I wish it had. Just doesn't gel for me, ultimately. Pans out to average.

Room 6
Room 6(2006)

Not a single damned thing about this movie is scary. Almost as little is entertaining. Unless you count hot evil nurses. But even hot evil nurses won't save this crock of shit.

Saw II
Saw II(2005)

There's no emotional attachment to the characters. Nothing endearing or particularly repulsive. It has a couple clever tricks, but ultimately it's a snoozefest. The needle pit skeeved me out a little.

Rest Stop
Rest Stop(2006)

Yeah, this was pretty bad. Not to mention that it doesn't make any damned sense. Anything with Joey Lawrence in it is going to be pretty bad, though.


Ok, so I finally watched this. I don't like the torture / exploitation subgenre or horror, but this wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Very average affair, really. I don't understand what everyone was creaming their jeans over.

The Last King of Scotland

Very engrossing. Forest Whitaker's performance is frightening, humorous, and fantastic.

Hot Rod
Hot Rod(2007)

Oh my. Hit a few times, missed a lot more. Felt like they were trying to channel Napoleon Dynamite during half of it, and lameness during the other half. Actually, those might be the same thing.

Balls of Fury

Very average, but there were a few laughs. Walken is always great.

Drillbit Taylor

I was expecting it to be worse, at least.


It was hilarious. Unfortunately, it wasn't supposed to be.

The Bucket List

Sappy, but slightly better than average.

In Bruges
In Bruges(2008)

Nothing fantastic, but it was very quirky & entertaining. Right up my alley.

There Will Be Blood

Long. Sprawling. Slow. Though it kept my attention, drew me in, and entertained me. Which is impressive. Day-Lewis is always great to watch on screen.

Witless Protection

Rottentomatoes has this listed as 0% fresh. I now understand why. I'd like to go on record that I was forced to watch this movie, btw.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Long, lumbering, but ultimately enjoyable. It took me until about 1/3 of the way in to really start appreciating it. Decent character development, and top-notch acting from its top billing.

Diary of the Dead

It's exactly what you'd expect from Romero. The only thing that keeps me from giving it 4 stars is the overabundance of pretty college kids. But the zombies were great, and the social commentary was present as always.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

The gore wasn't as prevailent as reviews led me to believe. The singing was subpar, but that figures since this was cast from big names and not talented singers. I'd have rather seen it without the music, but it did give it a whimsical feel against the gore.

Scary Movie 4

The only humor I will concede in this was the Carmen Electra pooping scene.

The Da Vinci Code

I don't remember any of this. I played on my computer, looking up only at random intervals to confirm that this boring movie was still on my television.


I enjoyed making fun of Powder much more than I enjoyed watching Powder.

King Kong
King Kong(2005)

The dinosaur fight was cool.

They Live
They Live(1988)

Not as mockable as I was hoping it was going to be. Still not good, though.

American Gangster

Good in its own right, but it never becomes the great movie it obviously could be.

House of Wax
House of Wax(2005)

Watchable, as long as you don't spend any money to do it.


They. Are. All. Alike!

Halloween III - Season of the Witch

This movie doesn't make much fucking sense. Which might be reason enough to watch it, if it weren't so boring.


I'm still waiting for someone to give me my eight dollars back.

Meet the Fockers

This was so bad it left a stain on the original.


This whole thing was kinda a mess.

House on Haunted Hill

I remember mocking this movie in the parking lot right after seeing it. I think that means it was bad.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters

Worth seeing for the song at the beginning, if nothing else.


If you can't chuckle at this, you have no soul.

The Salton Sea

Like a sucker punch! I never saw it coming that I'd enjoy this.

Near Dark
Near Dark(1987)

Vampire movies are pretty notoriously rotten, but this one actually was a pretty good one compared to the rest of the genre.

The Big Lebowski

I didn't like this movie the first time I watched it, actually. But for some reason, it's grown on me a whole lot.

From Dusk Till Dawn

Campy but fun. And -- um, Salma Hayek snake dance? Yes, please.

A Christmas Story

I want one of those leg lamps so bad.

Rat Race
Rat Race(2001)

I only saw half of this, but it was half more than I wanted to see.

Not Another Teen Movie

I guess it's hard for me to appreciate a movie that mocks the interests of the demographic it caters to, while still catering to it.

Being John Malkovich

It didn't quite live up to its slick hype, for me.

Mad Max
Mad Max(1979)

Has a certain dirty, endearing, low-budget quality. Doesn't really make it good, though.

Donnie Darko
Donnie Darko(2001)

I honestly fail to see why this movie has such a cult following.

I Know What You Did Last Summer

I wish I didn't know what they did last summer.

A History of Violence

Another really good Cronenberg movie.


Visually impressive. Lacking in all else.

The Corndog Man

This is, I think, one of my friend's favorite movies. I wanted to gouge my eyes out. The only reason this isn't a half-star movie is because the corndog man premise is funny.

Tomorrow Never Dies

Every James Bond movie I see looks exactly the same as the last one. I couldn't tell you the plot of a single damned one of them.

Dr. Strangelove Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

In hindsight, I pretended to like this movie more than I really did.

Scary Movie 2

Take my little hand! It's the only one that's strong enough!

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Yeah, I said it before. Wes Anderson is overrated. I know.

Joe Dirt
Joe Dirt(2001)

I hate to admit it, but I found this movie to be funnier than most comparable romps.

Bulletproof Monk

I admit, I can't even remember how this P.O.S. ends.

The Royal Tenenbaums

Wes Anderson is overrated. I still liked this movie, though.


Val Kilmer's portrayal of Doc Holiday is one of the most memorable performances I've ever seen.

Castle Freak
Castle Freak(1995)

More fun to scream 'Castle Freak!' than to watch.

Stephen King's 'The Langoliers'

I recall that this hurt to watch.

Black Sheep
Black Sheep(2006)

The movie is so bad that it's hilarious. It gets a 2 because I think it means to accomplish this. Please rent it.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I suggested after seeing this that the movie theatres hand out rubix cubes to all patrons as they enter to keep them from nodding off during this.

Alien Resurrection

Some advanced visuals, but not much else of redeeming value.


Watchable. That's about it.

Blade II
Blade II(2002)

At least the vampires in this one were cool.

Blade: Trinity

Parker Posey with fangs still can't make this watchable.


I could have done without Giovanni Ribisi's dong.

Final Destination

This was one of the most hilarious comedies I've ever seen. The problem, however, is that it wasn't intended to be one.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

At least we got some cool effects, at last.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones

This movie was better than the one before it, but I wouldn't say it was GOOD.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

This movie made me hate George Lucas.

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

The downside: All those fucking ewoks.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

Hilarious as it is blasphemous.


The premise of the movie rocks. Richard Linklater is a little too in love with his pseudo-philosophical babble.

The Simpsons Movie

It had all the ingredients, but still came up short of the recipe we're used to.

Eastern Promises

A very, very good movie. That is all!

Hellraiser - Bloodline

This shit was unwatchable.


I really wanted to like it. I didn't, really, though.

The Boondock Saints

Who can't say they weren't curious about seeing what Willem Defoe looks like in drag?

Dawn of the Dead

A social commentary worth listening to. Grotesque and gory, with great special effects for the pre-CGI era of horror filmmaking.


At least the predator was cool, if nothing else, huh?

28 Days Later

Does not live up to the hype. Not enough monsters, for my taste.


Campy & enjoyable.

The Exorcist
The Exorcist(1973)

Holy hell. This might be the only horror movie that's actually truly scared me.


Somewhat visually pleasing, but otherwise devoid of merit.

Eyes Wide Shut

Utter crap. A stain on Stanley Kubrick's otherwise impressive resume.


I'm getting tired of movies about retarded people.

21 Grams
21 Grams(2003)

Depressing but interesting.

3:10 to Yuma
3:10 to Yuma(2007)

Very, very solid on all accounts.

Taxi Driver
Taxi Driver(1976)

One of the top 10 films ever made.

American Psycho

Whoever funded this piece of shit movie was the real psycho.

Gangs of New York

A Scorcese masterpiece. Stunning sets, fantastic visuals. Top-notch acting.

Rocky III
Rocky III(1982)

Outlandish. Silly. Not very good. But watchable.


Pretty slick, but not incredibly memorable. Hyuck.

A Clockwork Orange

A classic from the late Mr. Stanley Kubric.

Dawn of the Dead

Pales in comparison to Romero's.


Not cinematic gold, but it kept my interest.

A.I. Artificial Intelligence

This is crap. Stanley Kubric would be ashamed to have his name connected to this.

Pan's Labyrinth

Very compelling story. You won't mind the subtitles.

The Patriot
The Patriot(2000)

This ain't no Braveheart.

The Shining
The Shining(1980)

A classic. One of my top ten horror movies. An example of how you can scare an audience by using your head, and not copious amounts of gore.

Big Fish
Big Fish(2003)

Another really good Burton movie. The imagery and general vibe are fantastic.

Along Came Polly

Watchable, even funny at times, but it fails to ultimately deliver any sort of knockout punch.

The Princess Bride

My name is Inigo Montaya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!

The Departed
The Departed(2006)

The best movie of 2006. Scorcese deserved his Oscar for this.

Sleepy Hollow

Worth it to see Walken as the nasty.

American Beauty

It was decent, but I didn't see what all the fuss was about really.

The Wedding Singer

Funny every time I see it.

Cast Away
Cast Away(2000)

Another Tom Hanks blockbuster that failed to deliver.

Sweet Home Alabama

Nothing special at all.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Mildly entertaining. Mostly annoying.

Edward Scissorhands

Tim Burton's firing on all cylinders in this offbeat, freaky classic.

Pulp Fiction
Pulp Fiction(1994)

Oh, it's just too cool.

Saving Private Ryan

Eh, it's ok. Another slightly overrated Tom Hanks blockbuster.

Fight Club
Fight Club(1999)

A solid movie.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Not as enjoyable as the first, perhaps, but still a very solid moviegoing experience.

No Country for Old Men

A very solid movie. It kept my interest the whole time. Wonderful acting.

I Am Legend
I Am Legend(2007)

Entertaining enough, but I found the deviations from the original novella to be disappointing.