xoandre's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews

Cloud Atlas
Cloud Atlas(2012)
½

Despite the hype and great special effects, many things bring this epic tale crashing to the ground. It may be Halle Berry as a white English lady or Halle Berry doing little to bring emotion to any of her roles, or just the odd pacing, despite some great talent from Broadbent and Hanks and unbelieveable talent of Hugh Grant in modes and characters he has never had an opportunity to play before.... Worthy of watching, but just not quite as fine-tuned as I would have hoped.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
½

A mediocre fantasy with multiple universes done with haphazard effect and insufficient development.

Die Hard
Die Hard(1988)

Come out to the coast, we'll have a few laughs.... Amazing great story of a man visiting his estranged wife and getting caught in the middle of a robbery.

Face/Off
Face/Off(1997)

Despite the inconceivable impossibility of switching faces with someone who has a skull rounder than you or taller than you or cheekbones more prominent than you... The actors both do a great job playing a crook and a cop fighting one another.

Lost In Translation

What struck me most of all was the amazing scene in which Bill Murray (5'9" tall) stood head and shoulders above every person on the crowded sidewalk. The remainder of the film is striking and well produced, great performances, and worthy of Best Picture. However, being 6'3" tall myself, I wonder what I would look like overseas...

Groundhog Day

I love time travel. I love even more any idea that one could be caught in a time loop and essentially become immortal and aware of it, while others were none the wiser. The things we could all get away with and try and do and experiment on... Both good and evil are featured throughout this great film about love and living for yourself and the atrophy and entropy of the universe.

Monty Python's Life of Brian
½

For years I had thought the title of this film was "Life of Brain" instead of "Brian", having never had the opportunity to actually see the film. I finally rented the DVD and was amazed at how fun and hilarious this film is.

WarGames (War Games)

This film would be an excellent tool to display for children of today to understand how technology has changed. This shows a world before the Internet using communication technologies to control the world.

Dave
Dave(1993)
½

If only we could have a real president who took control, as Dave does in the latter third of this film. By negotiating without slacking and compromising without sacrificing the best part of the budget, Dave manages to balance the budget with a surplus. What a great film!

Back to the Future

This amazing classic thrills even today, having seen it dozens of times over the years. On its own, I am so glad that Fox could negotiate his way through the legalities of filming Family Ties to replace the insufficient Eric Stoltz, who was originally cast as McFly. Certainly M.J. Fox himself was the first choice and eventually the best choice for the role, with his energy and tireless enthusiasm for great work, but Stoltz would have been more of a silent version of the Principal "SLACKER!" than what we have all known and loved for years. Here's hoping for a solid opportunity soon for a FOURTH film with Fox and possibly his kids (not played by Fox himself this time)...

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

A vivid cinematography piece with amazing acrobatics and gravity forgotten along with susceptibility to injury, this film is so cool! Great acting from talents who have held their own globally, finally recognized by more Americans than ever before for their strengths.

The Incredibles
½

An obvious but delightful sendup of comic superheroes, this family film takes our heroes beyond what comic books could imagine. They grow old and get real jobs, gain 100 lbs and Kowtow to their neighbors, friends, and bosses. However, the redeeming event of your rescued victim becoming the greatest criminal mastermind of all time which forces you to get back to your heroic self, bringing along your fragmented family, makes The Incredibles live up to more than its own name.

Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn

While I enjoy the better technological capabilities of this remake of the original Evil Dead film, the solo focus on Ash draws out some of the care we had in the original for the side characters. It almost feels like a bastardized version of the original. Which is exactly what Raimi and Campbell set out to make, but with better effects and faster pacing.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day
½

Certainly, this is not a perfect film. Obvious are the stunt doubles during wide shots and close-ups. However, the story itself is inspiring and clearly set up a third film, which unfortunately was written and filmed without a care for the origins.

The French Connection

I tried watching The French Connection... Sad to say, I found it tedious and boring.

How to Train Your Dragon

The great writing, amazing animation, and fantastic voice-acting makes this film a pleasure to watch over and over. This is not one of those cheaply-made worthless kids movies, but a moral drama with great moments of humor and passionate delivery of story.

The Artist
The Artist(2011)

Thus is NOT a silent film. We do have a score of emotional, silly, and sometimes dramatic music. In the end, of course, we have the launch of "Talkies" wherein our beloved silent actor finds himself lost due to his deep accent which few casting directors think worthy of working through.

The Wrestler
The Wrestler(2008)
½

How awesome is it when a film brings to mind the "golden days" of "Pro Wrestling" and shows how many scripted moments and planned impacts each performance of wrestling takes place. Fantastic writing and great cinematography make this a film worthy of all accolades and awards.

Up
Up(2009)

Certainly the film is fine and well rendered, but I just had little emotional investment from the start.

Toy Story 3
Toy Story 3(2010)

How thrilling for Pixar to finally place their characters in dire threat of true danger. Half-way through the film, our favorite, beloved characters find themselves headed for certain doom with no chance at rescue. This heart of the film truly wrenches the hearts of its audience as we watch and feel and fear for the invested emotions of these characters.

Fantastic follow-up!

Temple Grandin
½

Danes goes all out in her great performance in Temple Grandin. The most frightening part of her performance is how every nuance and mannerism of this true life character, as portrayed in Danes' performance comes to mind and is seen in every previous and consecutive performance I have seen her in.

Great movie.

The Evil Dead

This classic horror film is amazing to watch, despite it showing the limitations of the technology when it was filmed. While I still prefer this original to the "Reboot" named Evil Dead 2, which is exactly what that second version was, the originality and great fun of this original far surpasses the better lighting and effects of the second.

Resident Evil: Retribution

WTF? This is a 60 minute episode posing as a full-length film. After the 20 minute intro which details the first hand full of movies, and the 10-minute REWIND from the credits of the previous episode to the launching of missiles at the ship, we have perhaps 60 minutes, INCLUDING the credits at the end of this flick.

Milla just goes through her motions, which we have all seen in every previous episode. The entire cast of every previous movie, both alive and dead characters, shows up in "clone" form and sometimes in multiple "clone" form.

They borrowed the set and CGI from the G.I. Joe movie to film an underwater base, and just made a 10-minute "back and forth under the ice" film that is predictable and stretched ad nauseum.

*sigh*

Why, Milla? I know you're married to the director, but come on already! Give us a FULL LENGTH film without all the filler.

Looper
Looper(2012)
½

OK I love time travel. I greatly admire Bruce Willis, and Joseph Gordon Levitt has certainly come into his own, but...

WHY THE HELL did they have to mess with Levitt's face so much? The nose I can see. The ears, ok. The fixed wrinkle between the fake raised eyebrows and the chin padding? Those just pulled me out of the film every time Levitt tried to show any emotion through the latex.

While the time loop paradox at the end cancels out the entirety of the loop and what we have seen, this is still a film I would like to own on disc.

Men in Black III

MIB + Time Travel well done is something I'd like more of... Now the 4th film should include the "young" Agent "K" so that Tommy Lee Jones can kick back and rake in the proceeds.

The story is convoluted, but filmed in such a way that - in the end - it all makes sense. Brolin is not an "exact" clone of Jones, but he does a fantastic job with all the energy of a youthful, love-hungry Man in Black he can muster.

Smith is - well, Will. He makes this look good, while keeping it relatable.

Dredd
Dredd(2012)
½

So So...

The 3D in Dredd was very well done, taking advantage of the effect by adding CG shards of glass and droplets of water hovering right before your eyes. The story and acting were above average and I did not regret the MATINEE price, even with the 3D upcharge.

While the overall plot was a bit contrived, what can you do with a city-block sized hotel-turned projects housing where drugs run as rampant as the bullets which fly unerringly and unheeded from the Judge's guns, and aimlessly from the enemies.

Monsters, Inc.
½

Yawn.

Another "3D" upgrade done haphazardly.

The only way any of these "3D" re-releases should be shown is for HALF PRICE, as in HALF the PRICE that we paid 5-10 years ago to see it in the original 2D format.

Great flick, but not worth paying FULL PRICE + 3-4 dollars for the recycled flat glasses that darken the screen to the point they are worthless.

Les Misérables

As a Les Miserables noob, I went in only knowing the snippets of songs my acting friends hummed or chorused in the background of my set construction days in High School Drama.

All the hype of "singing live" means nothing, when the audio fades in and out and the "one take" unmoving camera remains stagnant throughout most of the solo songs. So much more could have been done to accent the songs with ... uhh... I think it's called: CINEMATOGRAPHY!

The story is very interesting (as I have not seen this before), but the lack of movement during the emotional solos just made me want to check my watch or start texting (and I don't text!)...

If this thing wins any awards, I'll be dumbfounded.

So, Hugh Jackman is raw and devious in his portrayal, Russel Crowe steals every scene he is in, and Anne Hathaway is just plain ordinary all around, unfortunately.

I'd call this one a "wait for free on-demand."

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
½

I loved the 48 frames per second. HFR is the equivalent on the big screen to seeing your first Blu-Ray film after watching everything on VHS and never knowing what a DVD was...

The Hobbit itself is good, but the filler material that pads the storyline just does not quite flow as it should with the remainder of the plot. I love the original book, and can see where some of the filler is good, but virtually everything with the giant one-armed Orc is a complete waste of time and CGI budget. No offense to the great work of the artists involved in making those characters look fantastic on screen, it has more to do with the lack of purpose for those characters to have been forcibly slammed like a wedge into the center of the film.

The rest of the film is amazing to see and experience. The core story from The Hobbit is well done and finely acted. However, all that disconnected filling material just draws it down.

Jack Reacher
Jack Reacher(2012)
½

Tom Cruise recently appeared on BBC America's Graham Norton talk show. He said that throughout the filming of Jack Reacher, he worked 36-48 hours straight and slept very little. It shows. Cruise barely manages to phone in his lines and shows how tired he was during filming. It's all there on screen, the half-asleep, going-through-the-paces lack of energy or poignancy. How this movie has more than 50% rating, I have no clue.

The Darkest Hour
½

If the Independence Day plot was twisted with invisible aliens who disintegrated you on touch, this would be the story of a group of kids stuck in Europe during that story. Otherwise, it's fun but predictable as hell.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

Alright, lemme just say that I have given these frakkin IDJITS behind the whole 3D resurgence a chance. They have blown every chance they have been given.

They say that they don't want to use it as a "gimmick" and scare the people with things flying into their faces.

BUT 3D IS A GIMMICK!

If things are NOT popping into your face making you lean back into your seat to get away from them, there is NO POINT to bothering to film in or "convert" any movie to 3D.

Every time I have read reviews of 3D films, be they filmed with 3D cameras or "converted" in post, I am ashamed for the reviewer when I visit the theatre and wonder where these "eye-popping" or "amazing" 3D effects have gone.

Only about three (3) total films have actually had any significant use of 3D in all of the films I have seen in the past 5 years.

AVATAR
Final Destination (4 and 5 both did great)
Hugo

Those three have truly amazing and well-cinematogrified camerawork in their films, which is used to exacting effect with the 3D technology. No other film I have seen in "3D" - even those filmed using the 3D cameras - has even had much more than a "depth" of background added.

The whole point of filming in or "converting" a film to 3D is to HAVE THINGS FLY AT THE AUDIENCE!

If you do not have anything in the film which POPS OUT at the viewer, forget the gimmick and call it 2D and stop charging us extra for dark versions of the film!

All of that being said, I have read many reviews of the 3D "Upgrade" that happened to The Phantom Menace. Every review I have read has stated that, certainly every scene with broad landscapes and backgrounds has depth that it never had before, but at the same time, every scene with a character in it, the characters are flat cutouts moving around or standing still against the depth of the background.

And apparently, any and all scenes where there are things moving fast, it's jagged and mind-jolting.

So NO THANKS, Georgie Porgie. You can suck a popsickle made of toilet matter.

Underworld: Awakening
½

"Let's make ourselves immune to silver." "Ok now, let's increase our muscle mass by 300%" "Ah, darn... so Selene awoke from her cryogenic chamber?" "Let's capture her." "Hah! I'm immune to silver, so good luck killing me!" "Wait, you put a silver nitrate grenade inside my tummy? yummy!" "Oops, I guess the writer forgot I was immune to silver, huh?"

59 minutes of film + 10 minutes of credits + 12 minutes of backstory showing clips from the first three films. What a short EPISODE this one is!

Hugo
Hugo(2011)

What a fantastic surprise!!! The 3D is so well executed and impressive. This is Avatar quality 3D. The film and story is by far one of Scorcese's best productions EVER! The shameless "film preservation" aspect is blatant but integrated well into the character and story.

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

These drab, lifeless films are not worth the few words and time I have taken to write this.

New Year's Eve

Uhhhhh...... What a total waste of talent on a silly, pathetic excuse for a paycheck. Horrible.

Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol

This is by far the BEST of the MI films! I loved every moment of it.

The Time Traveler's Wife
½

For those who have actually read the novel, this is a fairly even adaptation of that story. Very well acted by Bana and McAdams, it could have easily been enriched by more of the nuances of the story that are in the novel. Not too bad.

Legion
Legion(2010)
½

A clear ripoff of two other films: The Prophecy and The Terminator. This one is more of a talkie than the action flick shown in the trailers. The plot is slow and obvious, with every new occurrence having to be examined, explained, and analyzed to death by all the characters. While it is a short film (under 2 hours) it seems like an epic sleeper. Good acting by a few of the characters, but the rest are stuck doing nothing with some wretched dialogue that goes on and on and on...

Public Enemies
½

This one plods along at a snail's pace, but with depth of emotion from both Depp and Bale that I have not seen in years! There is meaning and truth behind their eyes and in every fiber of their fantastic presence on screen. I liked it, but it could have had more thrills. I believe it had more to do with the score than anything else... The score was mere background noise and did nothing to enhance the power of the tale...

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3
½

too basic a story and way too short...

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
½

A lot of privileges taken and I don't really remember much of the 80's tv toon....

Terminator Salvation

They're calling this one "EPIC" ....??? How is a 90 minute episode of suspenseless material epic? While I enjoyed many moments of it, having every other line be a paraphrase or mimicry of the first two film's key moments is not the way to honor the story here. Bale does a good job in all ten minutes of screentime he has. The rest of the cast is just fillers for the lack of a direction or plot definition.

The Breakfast Club

Interesting... Now that I can make the connections people have been trying to tell me about over the years... Just watched it on my DVR... ok...

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

WTF??? This was just stupid and weird.

Music and Lyrics
½

Stereotypical predictability from start to finish. Yawn.

Airplane!
Airplane!(1980)
½

SO dated, SO old, and so out of sync...

District 9
District 9(2009)
½

Besides moments of feeling off-kilter, this film is good. Really good.

The Informant!
½

Well, anyone who knew my dad might enjoy this film. It's all pathology. Good stuff, but eerie all the same...

Orphan
Orphan(2009)
½

SPOILER ALERT!!!




SPOILER ALERT!!!




Scroll down only if you just want to know what the secret of this movie is...




SPOILER ALERT!!!





SPOILER ALERT!!!





Do you just want to know what the deal is with the orphan girl in "Orphan"????





SPOILER COMING UP!!!






HERE IT COMES....







When I saw the teaser trailer for this film, I had suspected that the girl was a Ghost.






However, I was wrong...




The girl is real and alive. She is a Russian orphan...






She has been a Russian orphan for more than thirty years of her life...




Yeah, that's right: This girl is no girl.
She is a thirty year old woman who escaped from a mental institution in Russia and has been playing "orphan" for years in order to find a family where she can kill off the wife and any kids while trying to get some TLC from the daddy - her hormones are running wild because she looks like a little girl due to some medical condition. That's the plot. She wants sex, and daddy better give it or she'll kill him too and just keep trying...




In the end, however, this film's plot kills her off by dropping her into an icy lake after she fails in drowning and stabbing of the mom who adopted her...

So there ya go... That's it. Happy now?

Capitalism: A Love Story
½

Well, it's very interesting, and I keep hearing all these people claiming it's a "Masterpiece" but what I saw was slapshot and blathering all over the place. Yes, it was very revealing, but as a whole, he had like five or six points to make and no overall focus to the film.

Toy Story & Toy Story 2 in 3D Double Feature
½

Ya know, it's truly sad when they have the 3D technology and don't utilize it in any way to enhance or add a "WOW" effect to a great pair of films... With Toy Story 1&2, they could have easily altered an angle here or made something over there fit within the widescreen frame of the film so that the 3D effect would have really POPPED off the screen...

Ya know, like in the promos for it with Jesse leaping out of the screen at the audience... Never happens. None of the 3D is very cool... too bad...

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Oh, the sweetness of subtle acting... David Yates needs an Oscar for his direction of these actors in capturing emotion, torment, fear, and infatuation in every subtle and commanding way... From Ron's freakishly bizarre love potion smirk to Snape's ever-more-potent and powerful internal conflict of conscience, to Malfoy struggling with the passions of his parent's and Voldemort's assigned task, every inch and frame of this film is flooded with passion, emotion, and greatness. Cinema at its finest!

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

UPDATED Review:

Ok, after much thought on this, here is my new and improved review...

Michael Bay has a fifteen minute script here with a basic storyline with Shia going off to college. Mommy will miss her little baby boy and Daddy could care less. Later on, Daddy's missing his little boy and Mommy could care less... Shia does everything he can with so little dialogue or actual direction. So he finds a sliver from the All Spark Cube and there goes his house... BOOM! Call in Bumblebee, who is more Lassie than anything in this film...

No, it makes absolutely no sense to have the Autobots playing "prisoners who are let out when bad things happen cause they're the only ones who can fix it but otherwise taking it up the exhaust pipe by the US Navy."

That being said, Optimus finally gets to kick some Decepticon ass in this one, with his swords, his blaster, and lots of awesome action moves. However, it seems as if the more these robots blow things up, and the more hazards there are for humans, I do not recall even one moment when any human was actually harmed, outside of Shia and his interactions with Megatron and Starscream, not to mention the "human Babe" decepticon... who is only there to push Megan Fox away for about three minutes of screentime...

The Constructicon is cool as it assembles itself, but after that, it's just like the rest of the Transformers: a big mess of small parts that makes no sense...

The "Fallen" Prime is on Cybertron??? I got the feeling he was on the Moon, or Mars... Seeing as he came from Earth after being banished by the six other Primes... Oh, well, I guess Cybertron must be in the Oort cloud out there or something, because it's never made clear where exactly that "Fallen" guy is...

Starscream, having been my personal favorite from the beginning, finally had his whipping from Megatron for trying to take over the Decepticon Throne...

I enjoyed the film, regardless of what Ebert said...

Land of the Lost
½

With reasonably decent special effects, millenia ahead of the carboard and claymation work of the TV show it's based on, this film is ok. Farrel overacts and is about on the same level as the bearded guy in Hangover... Just dumb.

The Hangover
The Hangover(2009)
½

I guess you would have to be someone who really finds pleasure in drinking alcohol in order to get drunk to truly understand the levels within levels of this film. Overall, from an "outsider" perspective, I understood a good portion of it, and much of it was funny, but it's just another "Dude, Where's My Car?" stupid flick.

Year One
Year One(2009)
½

Take a few cliff notes from Genesis. Throw in Abbot & Costello (oops - I mean Jack Black and Michael Cera) with Black doing his worst crapfestiest characterization of himself as a caveman... Somewhere after they meet Cain and Abel, it all goes off track and the two or three chuckles I heard did little to enhance my lack of enthusiasm for the predictable and boring story told here...

Sad. Just plain sad. There were so many freaking missed opportunities for laughs and alternate directions in the plot that I was grinding my teeth waiting for the writers of this tale to do something FUN... to no avail.

Even the "outtakes" - all four of them - during the credits were merely boring filler you'd expect to see on a greedy producer's cut of the DVD...

The highlight of the film were the two female leads, Olivia Wilde

Identity
Identity(2003)
½

This one... I predicted it from the first three seconds of the teaser trailer. And when I finally got a copy on DVD from the library, I was so amazed at the predictable story, plot, and developments... Everything I imagined from the first shot of the Teaser Trailer was exactly as can be seen in the film. PREDICTABLE based on the title and the trailers.

Sad, really.

The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
½

Sure, wake up from the nightmare, it snowed outside, and the kid on the sidewalk looks up and says it's Christmas Day... funny similarity there... What an extended beatin-around-the-bush flick this was. Michael Douglas was the highlight of this film in all three minutes of his screentime. The rest... Mech.

X-Men Origins - Wolverine
½

A very short film in which Wolverine and Sabretooth are brothers who fight back to back like two sides of the same coin ... oh.... wait... there's the whole point of this film... sorry... "spoiler alert" a little late here... Wolverine roars about three times for no apparent reason and the rest of the film, he's more concerned with saving innocent lives than being the careless savage beast from the comics. That's left to Sabretooth to do...

Angels & Demons
½

The funny thing about this "Sequel" is that it's story actually preceded the "Davinci" film. The action is fast-paced, but after the first two priests get killed, it seemed pretty crappy and redundant. Casting Ewan McGregor as the pivotal character was a dead giveaway from the beginning shot of him in this film. It's like a Colombo episode where the villian is always that character actor you recognize from all his other roles...

Star Trek
Star Trek(2009)
½

Alright, Spock's ever-changing eyebrows aside, this was a very well-done film. Great effects balanced by moderately decent acting by most of the cast. Let's see more...

Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian
½

Sappy and directionless, it's about not quite as good as the first, while more than doubling the cast and underutilizing the important characters, while throwing people we could care less about in our faces. Fun, but not good enough.

Drag Me to Hell
½

While spooky and interesting, ultimately predictable as hell and the "twist" is so obvious half way through the film, it's pathetic. However, I had fun...

Monsters vs. Aliens

Overall Animation work was well-done, but it seemed more like a CG MARS ATTACKS remake than anything else...

17 Again
17 Again(2009)
½

Like a wash over of BIG and IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE, this film is well-made, if formulaic. A life lesson film that's about Basketball as much as it is about the age-old moral that you should always be happy with what you have while you have it...

Fast & Furious
½

pretty good story and boy was this fun!

Taken
Taken(2009)
½

It's The Fifth Element, set in Paris, in Modern Day... Mr. Shadow is a Middle-eastern Sheik, who wants some action. Korben Dallas is chasing after his daughter, instead of the stones. And for some reason he goes by the name Bryan Mills. The priest is now a Paris cop, retired from espionage... And Zorg is diminished into a kung-fu action Palestinian...

Go figure.

But does he get his stones back... er... I mean his Daughter back?

It's fun, outside of the fact that Neeson is really not aging well and the makeup artists were at a loss on what to do to make him even close to presentable.

If you get it, great. If not, oh well...

Thank you Luc Besson!

Watchmen
Watchmen(2009)

Papa Smurf would be proud!

Gargamel should watch out for the big smurf that can zap him into nothingness with the flick of his pinky finger.

The plot is convoluted, and I am hoping the Director's Cut will be released and it might make more sense...

Never read the comic, and doubt I ever will...

Race to Witch Mountain
½

This was both a remake and a new film. However, it was a major RUSH job, as can be seen with the first five minutes covering more ground than most major films cover in their first hour. There was about 30 seconds of exposition and then it all took off at lightning speed, which can be good, if you care about the characters. However, this was more of a slapshot amalgamation of what could have been a great two-hour-PLUS flick crammed into 90 minutes.

Slumdog Millionaire
½

The three musketeers remind me of My big bro, my little sis, and myself.... during the first half of the film as kids in the flashbacks... Then when they got older, it was still me and big bro, but with a long lost friend - like the one I recently found in Monmouth...

Very cool. Very relatable. Very ... US!

The Fifth Element

This is one of the BEST films of all time... Great story, beautiful effects, magnificent direction, and FANTASTIC EDITING! I watch it at least once a week and it never gets old!

My Best Friend's Wedding

I really really hate that Julia Roberts lights up a cigarette right in the heart of the climax and the production makes it seem like everything revolves around her getting a drag on a cancer-stick! The rest of the film is fine, but that smoking scene just killed it for me!

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle

I just don't get how White Castle stays in business... Their "food" is disgusting and the stench is worse than the Paris sewers on a dry day...

Forrest Gump
Forrest Gump(1994)

I wish I had an all new box of chocolates, cause what I got wasn't so hot...

For Your Consideration

Alright, we get the punch line first...
A veteran actress in an independent film
hears a rumor that someone on a bulletin board
on one of the countless movie/Hollywood websites
mentioned the word "oscar"
in association with her role in the film within this film.

That's the punch line of the film. The workaround (i.e. THE PLOT) they present us with to get to the actual joke is so tedious and disturbing it's insane.

And in NO WAY is it funny.

Sure, they are poking fun at the event horizon of an online discussion by unknown people having any influence on the movie industry or the Academy... Sure, the film was pretty much a total impromptu session, but it's just plain boring and weird.

Sure, weird is good. I like weird. But this is just not my kind of weird.

When the BOTOX element comes into play, everything falls apart as Catherine O'Hara tries to work around a pair of inflated cheeks that make her look like a Marionette that even H.R. Geiger would have a hard time looking at. Truly disturbing.

Performances are staggering and lack depth or confidence. Casting in some cases is just off the wall. And the ending? Just a couple of quick lines and hard cut to black with the credits. No conclusion, no resolution, no real motivation and just plain sad.

Some people will like this film. I did not.

I do NOT recommend this on anyone, but you can view at your own risk.

Superhero Movie

I have to say Superhero Movie is one of the best comedies in years! It does more than spoof many of the comic based movies of the past five years, it pays homage to the original films in the way only the Zucker brothers could do. It's easily as fun as the Airplane films, any of the Naked Gun movies, and has a real storyline with fantastic comedic timing that rivals even some of the more sincere efforts into comedy. Sure, it's a light-hearted spoof, but it has a core that brings us along for the ride, slapping our knees as we laugh uncontrollably.

While the other "(fill-in-the-blank) Movie" movies have been a string of totally unrelated gags that are just the same old shtick that we have seen countless times, this one has been overseen by the guys who invented the spoof genre. And boy is it fun.

Please go see Superhero Movie. You will not be disappointed.

Das Boot
Das Boot(1981)

Das Boot is an epic film that is very well done. I loved the suspense and terrific character moments. The thrills are well paced and we get a feeling of the boredom and terror of living in a Nazi U-boat in the midst of the Atlantic during 1941 WWII. Going 60 days with no sight of the enemy helps show the epic nature of the ocean. The three week storm is well crafted and adds so much more tension to the film.

This movie is now one of the top ten movies of all time for me.

In viewing the DVD, I chose to turn on English Subtitles while also selecting the English 2.0 spoken language. What is interesting is how the english dub has paraphrased certain lines and in others totally changed every meaning behind the statements. I'm talking about the line that, in German, reads something like "I can't wait to get back home and f**k the h*ll out of a few wild wh**es!" is rewritten and dubbed as "When I get home I'm going to shower and sleep until December!" Quite a drastic change. But of course, sailors in the German Navy use language that I suppose is unacceptable - even in an "R" rated movie - for English audiences...

There are more than fifteen conversations of that nature that have been translated into English subtitles from the German language spoken in the original dub of the film, while the English dub is totally different. Later in the film, there are even lines shown in subtitles that are not spoken at all in the English dub. Very interesting and fun to watch.

Even with the subtitles on, I enjoyed this movie from start to finish. I love the epic movies that run well over two and a half hours. This one clocks in at a good four and a half hours! It draws you in and keeps you going from the very first moment to the very last explosion...

One of the best war movies I have ever seen!

One of the most interesting ironies of this film is that the entire movie takes place within the Nazi U-boat and we get to see and feel compassion for the German men who fight to keep the boat afloat. The irony occurs when the Allied forces attack them and we get to experience the other side of the equation. Very intense and dramatic.

Shark Tale
Shark Tale(2004)

In comparison to Shrek, Shark Tale seems to be a rush job.

The movie does have some interesting bits, with nice inside jokes and other movie references, but it downright rapes the concept of inserting pop references and cultural cliche's into a movie.

Will Smith has so little to work with here and he is simply an "MC HAMMER" wannabe working at a "Whale" car wash. (insert the lyrics "car wash... workin' at the car wash yeah") I must only presume that this is supposed to be some sort of reference to that '70s movie having to do with a car wash. Before my time anyway so I just don't get it.

The standard theme throughout the movie is the same one we have all seen before ad nauseum: "Nice working-class nobody overlooks his best friend (girl next door who happens to be madly in love with him, of course) in his desperate selfish desire for fame and fortune, only to find out in the end that the hottie he is after is only a money grubbing witch and in the end giving up his fame for that girl next door."

The godfather references are pathetic and underdeveloped. Having Robert DeNiro's SHARK saying lines to Martin Scorcese's Puffer Fish like "You and me been together for a long time, done a lot of things together." is so inside-joke that it is probably one of the best laughs in the movie. For those of us who get it.

Jack Black's WHINY shark LENNY is more of a filler to string the plot together than anything else. Not much more to say about him.

Overall, the actors who voice this movie have so little to work with they must have been in it just for the cash. Given another SIX MONTHS of script development and analysis, this movie COULD HAVE been great. As it is now, I get more kicks from watching my cat sleep.

And as a parting gift, I hate the ending when what I can only presume is supposed to be Missy Elliot (a fish with a hanky on its head) and Christina Aguilera (a jellyfish with "dread"-like tendrils) pop out of a bus and start going into their annoying sqwaks and whines and moans while Will Smith's OSCAR character (lots of Oscar-Meyer Weiner jokes plague this film) does some undersea breakdancing... PATHETIC.

This film could have been so good. In it's current state, it is mildly amusing and filled with more pop-cultural references, cliches, and stereotypes that it has little room for much else.

The Butterfly Effect

This movie is very well done. The problem with many time travel movies is that they take too many things for granted. They presume that changes in the past have very small effect on the overall outcome of the present and future of the world. In Back To The Future, the consequences are superficial and easily repaired. This movie, The Butterfly Effect, does it right. The writers and director created a solid piece of entertainment that challenges the mind and thrills the soul. I love every minute of it. It asks the ultimate question and goes over the ground I have been longing to explore for a long, long time. What if you could change your past and make it better? What would your present knowledge and consciousness do to the world if you knew at age ten what the effects of the next choice you make would be? How would you try to change it? Who would be hurt or healed by those actions? I love this movie. If you are one who enjoys a great piece of film, check out this fantastic film.

Ashton Kutcher is a very strong actor. He proves to the world through this movie that he is much more talented than the brainless hunk he portrays on his television show. Here, he is powerful and convincing as a man who desperately wants everything to be alright. He wants to get the girl next door back into his life. He wants to save his little dog and live happily ever after. But what does he have to do to achieve this dream? How can he make life better for everyone around him?

I encourage everyone to see this film. Besides the occasional nudity and frequent smoking and drug use, it shows a stark, real world that one man is striving to make better and how he must choose to do that, and follows through with the consequences of those choices. Fast-paced and intelligent, The Butterfly Effect is a powerful film.

Twilight
Twilight(2008)
½

While I have not read any of the books and don't plan on doing so, I know that Entertainment Weekly gave it a rating of "B" but I personally would give it a "D"

There's a sequence in which they play VAMPIRE BASEBALL and from then on, it's not too bad, but all the crap in the hour leading up to that had me bored and confounded and a knot in my stomach with the awkwardness of the characters and the horrid hair styles...