Tom Welch's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews

The Conjuring 2

Much better than word of mouth would suggest. The Director plays with your assumptions about when things will be scary -- also it's twist isn't predictable, even though it tells you right off the bat -- some good scary visuals, especially at the end - way more satisfying than any movie that rhymes with "Schmaraformal factivity".

Suicide Squad

Yikes. What hungover MTV executive put this crap together....?

Star Trek Beyond
½

Fun movie. Super light on plot and you WILL HAVE some questions afterwards that won't have answers to them, but it has very clever, engaging action and good humor. I kept wanting to go get free popcorn, but every scene was too fun to miss.

Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters(2016)

Remember when movies like this took themselves a little bit seriously? I miss that. :(

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
½

Wanted to love this movie so badly -- and I'm happy where it leaves us... but the process of getting us there just missed the mark. This will sound "nitpicky", but it's not... the film's editing a hot mess. Scenes followed other scenes with no flow from one to the other...(that future vision was horribly handled, thematically) - But most importantly, it just disgraced these characters we love, by making them... well.... idiots. They fought for no reason. They were tricked. Then they weren't smart enough to talk it out. If you love Batman, because he's a super smart... well, this isn't your Batman. Sure, there's some good action, but sadly, you've already seen it in the trailers. Bummer. -- Despite all this, I still love the DC characters - and I can't wait for the next installment.

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens
½

I'll let all the critics talk about the film, but I'll say this: There was a lot of merchandising hype about BB-8. I could help but wonder, "What if he sucks...?" -- man, no character has ever lived up to so much hype. BB-8 is Adorbs!

Spectre
Spectre(2015)
½

Apparently this film is very easy to hate-on, but I thought it was good. First Bond film to incorporate the previous films, albeit not perfectly, but at least there was effort. And sure the "love" connection happened rather quickly, but it was fine. I liked the plot - very simple and straightforward. Cool idea.

The Martian
The Martian(2015)

It's pretty good. I think people are losing their minds over it b/c it's award season and it's Ridley Scott and Matt Damon, but let's all calm down, it's a good movie.

Fantastic Four
½

Certain terrible movies at least have interesting visuals to see, like Transformers 1-3, but this films frustrating moments vastly outweigh anything remotely interesting. Not a single joke lands in the film and it could have the worst dialogue of any script ever... Despite that major hindrance, the acting is not completely terrible, just bad dialogue for the actors to go off of. Also the Thing's effects were good. But that's it.

Jurassic World
½

Great dino-action with a horror movie 'killer on the loose' vibe. Other than that, some of the worst dialogue, exposition, character development and child acting of all the films. Not great comedy in this one, luckily Jake M. Johnson has some funny moments, and Chris Pratt manages to be charming and funny, even with bad dialogue to read. Still, the exciting dino stuff outweighs the terrible human stuff.

Boyhood
Boyhood(2014)
½

Fascinating film -- Not really about anything... some of the actors are one-note and you kinda wish it was over when it's not... Despite that, still an amazing experience to watch.

Into the Woods

Streep is great. Chris Pine is perfect. Cast is pretty good. Movie goes on a bit too long and they gloss over things that would seem important in any other movie, but in this, it's just plot that gets in the way of song time, so might as well blow past it.

Top Five
Top Five(2014)

Smart, refreshing, funny. Chris Rock restores your faith in comedies, as well as his career.

A Most Violent Year

Boring plot - not much really happens - but it gets more and more interesting, watching how a man stands by on his convictions against being a thug. And finding how how unflappable he is to the mysterious crimes against him. Oscar Isaac and Jessica Chastain are really good.

A Most Wanted Man
½

Just when you want to see one last great performance by Seymour-Hoffman, you get him at this fattest, out of breath, most depressed character with a scratchy accent best. I found myself missing his usual voice but alas, a character is a character. The film has some interesting roles and dilemmas while being inconsistent with the abilities of what a spy can and can't figure out on their own (knowing where someone will be at an exact time, but not being able to look up an address of a relative). The film loses sight of a ticking clock and / or a antagonist and you find yourself a little bored or safe. You don't really care what happens because everyone's slightly unlikable and no one seems to really be in any danger. A man behind me was sleeping and I'm not mad at him for it.

Transformers: Age of Extinction

The movie at least appears to be drawing from an interesting storyline... a mix of the 1986 animated film and some of the comics... but per Bay's usual hyper standard, it's being handled terribly. Several unintentional laugh-out-loud moments in the film. Wahlberg's character spends half the film drilling home the most cliche father/daughter banter we've seen in film history "You're my daughter, no man is good enough - don't ever date, etc" - Never seen that POV before, thanks Bay. -- The dialogue and scenes are all over the place. It should've stuck with it's basic plot --- and trimmed out about 45 minutes of fat. But then there's the dialogue, oh man. For the amount of money it's going to make - we should consider it one of the worst films of all time.

Captain Phillips

This film is pretty straight-forward, simple dialogue and acting and not much depth. Just a guy who gets on a ship and starts to sail off. It's not really til the action kicks in that it simply becomes fascinating to watch - and to realize that this kind of thing actually happens. And once it does -- the acting kicks in. The Somalians are impressive and bring a level of realness to it. Towards the end is when the film kicks it up a notch higher... that's when it becomes very fascinating to see how far our US Government and Navy goes to put an end to this situation. It's a grand scale that must've been amazing to coordinate and film. And you can't help but feel like perhaps you're one of the Americans in trouble and maybe this is how far the US would go to get you back, too. By the time the film is over, you can't help but feel like you've gone through the SHOCK of a kidnapping with Hanks, who is a mentally cool and tough character the entire time... til the end... and when that time comes for his "play-it-cool" act to break, he crushes the performance out of the park. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, again, feeling like I was kidnapped on a boat. Like the scale and uniqueness of the film, Hanks' performance gets better and better as time goes by.

Gravity
Gravity(2013)

There's a great score to this movie that takes you all over the place emotionally. You really feel like you're witnessing an event - the best movie you've seen in years.

Elysium
Elysium(2013)

Unique. Look, plot, characters... all unique. Never was sure what was going to happen next. Just didn't FEEL as much as they'd hoped I'd feel. The emotion wasn't there. I was indifferent by the end of the film.

The Dark Knight Rises

I never liked the idea of Batman being retired at the start of the film. Still, once accepted, I enjoyed the film. Lots going on. Almost too much going on... The film barely ever slowed down long enough for the emotions to kick in... I was tense the entire time. Ultimately, really enjoyed it. Especially how much it came together w/ the previous 2 films. I would've enjoyed it more if there were fewer characters and more Batman.

Pacific Rim
Pacific Rim(2013)

The movie survives its handicap of a few extremely annoying characters and placeholder dialogue to be extremely visual, loud, intense and fun. It keeps the plot as simple as it can and unofruneatley some of the devices that we've seen and heard dozens of times in other films - Another big loud fun dumb movie. Too bad these big loud fun movies can't be GOOD plot-wise, as well. But hey, it's just a movie. There's just enough nice clever touches sprinkled in throughout the film to make it feel like an A list director is there from time to time. It's a movie that thrills you big time while you're there - but like most films these days, you won't take it with you when you leave the theater. Still, fun ride. Oh and P.S. -- the little Asian girl acts everyone else right off the screen. A+ to her! Ron Perlman, close 2nd (stick around during the credits).

World War Z
World War Z(2013)
½

This one gives us something the other zombie movies don't. So gotta give it props for being unique, in a genre that's grounded in tradition. It's like "Outbreak" but with Zombies.

Man of Steel
Man of Steel(2013)

Great, mysterious teaser. Love the "Gandalf just died" music. Some interesting choices. -- The trailer is a completely different pace than the film itself. I wish the movie slowed down enough to allow you to feel what they filmmakers are trying to make you feel. But just when you're close to feeling for someone, a building gets knocked down. The past Superman films have been too comedic, so I'm glad this one was less... but it could've had a tad bit more humor, just a tad. I wanted to get teary eyed, but I never did. At least they tried. Tight script, unlike what we're used to getting from the Orci / Kurtzman camp of plotholes and recycled plots.

Fast & Furious 6
½

Longest Runway EVER. Everyone's invincible. Writing Dialogue is optional. Having said that, it ends up being a really fun/funny movie - especially when things happen that you know are flat out impossible. The audience cracks up, but it's endearing somehow. The films get a free pass. The tag is great.... I mean... yes. Why not.

Iron Man 3
Iron Man 3(2013)
½

Creatively written, action-wise - and really fun character twist with you-know-who... RDjr is very funny, such a great character for him. You can get used to it, take it for granted, but his effortless performance as Tony Stark should still be appreciated, even if it's probably somewhat close to RDjr himself. Also pushes the Tony Stark character to evolve in his next installment, which won't be Iron Man 4.

Scream 4
Scream 4(2011)

No movie stands as more as an example of Studio Execs ruining an artistic vision more than this film. You can clearly tell what Kevin Williamson had in mind with this attempted reboot, but you can also clearly tell what his "studio notes" were. Then the breakup over the creative differences.... it's all very apparent. The result is a pretty fun movie that ultimately leaves you thinking "So they just made Scream 3 again? What was the point of this film?" - There was a point of making this film, to install a clever reboot, but it never made it to the big screen. Now Scream 4 is perhaps the most forgettable of the franchise. Hopefully it will stand as a cautionary tale for fear-driven executives.

Oblivion
Oblivion(2013)

An inspired score, reminiscent of epic music-driven fantasy films of the 80s, gives this "end of the world" more of a pulse than I expected. The post-apacolyptic visuals are great, and far more haunting than previous "end of the world" films have shown us. "Day After Tomorrow" comes to mind. A visually interesting movie, starring Tom Cruise as Jack... I feel like he's named "Jack" in every movie. He's not, but I just get that feeling. He also has a Yankee's cap and a baseball, which I feel like he has in every movie too. Possibly just another odd feeling. There are fun twists, even though I saw them coming... still, there were other twists that were rewarding. .
................POSSIBLE SPOILER................but I'll keep it subtle: I applaud the simple yet creative concept of stealing an already established character from pop culture, one that we've YET to see in a feature film, and turning it into the plot of this film... DC Comics and Warner Bros have constantly dragged their feet on giving us a film with "Braniac" as the bad guy, and it looks like this film may have finally given us that character. It was fun. DC can only make it better, but until that happens... (hopefully, someday) Oblivion was smart enough to steal him away without necessarily calling him that. There's also a few other memorable moments that can't help but remind you of other classic sci-fi films.... Hal? is that you or is that Braniac? .....................Now, off I go to find the soundtrack and hope that score is captured in a track or two.

A Good Day To Die Hard

There's a lot of action! Not as creative as the action in Die Hard 4. Oh, and then there's dialogue. Oh boy...

The Perks of Being a Wallflower
½

Being "all grown up", "High School movie" sounds like such a boring repetitive been-there-done-that category, but I really liked this. It definitely takes a unique direction and all the actors bring fresh believability to the story. In this world of short attention spans and super hero films ruling the box office... I would watch this twice.

Robot & Frank
½

I really enjoyed this. That's my review. THAT'S IT!

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1
½

ROBIN is the worst character of all time. Now he's a girl. It just gets worse and worse and worse.

Premium Rush
Premium Rush(2012)
½

This movie has about 30 minutes of good idea in it... but unfortunately, it's longer than 30 minutes. Thus, it's stretched out into crap with unbelievable circumstances.

Savages
Savages(2012)

The original title "MEXICANS!" was better.

Lincoln
Lincoln(2012)

I've been in the theater for 12 days, trying to finish this movie. Send help.

Looper
Looper(2012)

Didn't like it as much as everyone made me think I would. Still, fascinating idea.

The Master
The Master(2012)
½

Wha...? So bored. Acting!

The Impossible

Intense, emotional movie... if you're squeamish at the sight of blood, it's like intensity in 3D! Still, very emotional and gripping til the end. Tom Holland was amazing. The other cast was very good as well. Great FX, watching the behind-the-scenes production of this would be fascinating.

Deadheads
Deadheads(2011)
½

Fun Zombie Comedy -- the 1st of it's kind. Not like Shaun of the Dead - these zombies can talk and make "Transformers: The Movie (1986)" references. Made independently by some horror movie fans who know how to make a movie look more expensive than it was. Funny, creative movie with surprising about of heart.

Halloween
Halloween(2007)

Rob Zombie decided that one of the scariest, most fascinating and prolific monsters of cinema needed to have his mysterious backstory told... Thanks to Rob's impeccable artistic vision, that mysterious backstory is finally revealed.... Michael Myers became what he is because... (drum roll) ..... kids in school were mean to him and his parents were fighting. Yup! THAT'S IT! If my calculations are correct, that makes .... well, let's be honest, I don't do calculations... but that basically makes half the population unstoppable maniacal serial killers made driven by pure evil.

Kudos, Rob Zombie! Thanks for taking what could have been a really cool origin story and dumbing it down to your own childhood. Daddy didn't love this movie enough, either.

This is 40
This is 40(2012)
½

The running time says 2:14 but I felt like I was watching it for days.

Django Unchained

Tarantino turns a pretty horrible subject matter into an incredibly entertaining film. There were moments I felt a little guilty having so much fun while watching a story about slavery and brutality. But man, it's that Tarantino style that you have to take with a grain of salt, and appreciate every little silly nuance and camera angle. Great soundtrack, great cast. Seeing DiCaprio in that kind of role was a blast. Jamie Foxx's performance could've used a little more of a transformation from slave to bad ass mo-fo... but hey, it was fun. Very pretty film, good job Louisiana!

Zero Dark Thirty
½

Limited release = Best Picture... Oscar likes to award movies that you haven't seen yet, makes Oscar feel like he's ahead of the curve and you're living in the midwest eating at Olive Garden.

It was a good movie, a bit scattered... as any movie taking place over a decade must be. And a tad confusing at times.. but they did their best to keep political dummies caught up. Intense movie. You can't help but feel the history when you're watching it. That's what it has over movies with more Bond/Bourne-like shoot out / fight scenes... in this, you can actually feel the historical magnitude when they're going after UBL at the end. Intense!

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

It was as I feared... if a book were to be uncovered in your back yard tomorrow... and it was an old grocery list made my JRR Tolkien.... Peter Jackson would fall in love with it so deeply, that he would turn it into a mini series. It's the same thing with The Hobbit... This is a nice story but it doesn't need to be told in 3 films... but it can be... if you love watching Dwarves eat and sing and make handkerchiefs. Then, it's definitely doable in 3 films. You can feeeeeeeel the story being streeeetttcchhed like butter over too much bread. The Super 3D makes it look like a HD Channel reenactment of something... not a movie. HD 3D takes away the gloss and magic... somehow it cheapens performances. Luckily Gollum is great. I don't want to be a hater, it's a fine film. There's some really fun action sequences and some great effects. I'd skip the 3D for sure, no doubt.

Skyfall
Skyfall(2012)

Organically oldskool. Clever mini-reboot. Great stuff. I hope this doesn't post to facebook.

The Cabin in the Woods
½

So much fun. I guarantee you haven't seen a movie exactly like this one. It definitely takes it to a level you only mistook for a clichà (C).

Argo
Argo(2012)
½

Ben Affleck's expression in the poster is more dramatic than any of his acting in the film. He's kinda one tone the whole time, but maybe that's just the character, cool, calm CIA type. Lots of tension, screwing w/ you til the last minute. Good movie, wish it would've given a little more "pretending to be a fake movie" than they did, but it was entertaining and realistic.

Superman Returns

Watch for the plane crash scene, then turn it off. The writers of this film got paid a lot of money to write a lot of movies... despite the fact that they wrote a scene were Superman lifts an entire continent made out of kryptonite, into space................ Kryptonite, the same stuff that if he comes close to even a fragment of, he falls down into excruciating pain... yeah, a whole continent of that stuff. Creative!

The Transformers - The Movie

For nostalgic purposes: my favorite movie of all time.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Stop using "I want to see the special effects" as a reason to go see this garbage... It's so bad. I wanted to walk out a few times. There are 2 moments that are cool, other than that, it's ridiculously mishandled and directed. Horrible dialogue, acting, voice acting and directing. The plot... wasn't terrible. They missed some key points, (plot holes) leaving it lacking, but the original intent for the plot was good. Even an old shot out to G1.

Also they deserve an A+ for burying the twist. Which ended up not being worth it... I would've rather seen the movie the way the trailer suggests it will be...

Transformers
Transformers(2007)
½

so many plot holes. so many confusing designs. Jazz.... so bad.

Red Tails
Red Tails(2012)

Great effects. Terrible everything else.

Marvel's The Avengers
½

Fun! There were never really any stakes as to any characters not surviving, but still, fun!

Ocean's Twelve
½

I'm one of the few people that really liked this one... the Julia playing Julia scene, not withstanding.

Airplane!
Airplane!(1980)

My fav comedy of all time.

The Iron Giant

Vin Diesel's best performance!

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Way to reboot this franchise, guys. slow claps all around.

The Amazing Spider-Man
½

Fun! Good performances! Spider-man is pretty bad-ass and more spider-like than ever... but I never really felt the emotional aspect of it. No where near that amount I did for Spiderman 2. Ultimately, I didn't care about the film once I left... Still, it was fun when it wasn't repetitive.

Prometheus
Prometheus(2012)
½

Frustrating movie. Visually a blast, one of the few films I don't regret seeing in 3D. Love the franchise... get what they were trying to do, considering the evolutionary potential of this "alien" species... but it felt sloppy. Why was there a zombie guy? Really? None of the characters were believable... that one guy kept getting closer and closer to that alien rattle snake thing... what about that thing is acting friendly??? Lots of odd character choices. And after seeing J Edgar, can we please get someone in Hollywood that can do Old People makeup. Guy Pierce looked like the 80 year old nutsack of a singing California Raisin. Hype didn't hurt this movie, it's potential did.

Wrath of the Titans

Finally had to see this to believe it. Man, what a horrible mixed bag of WTF. Who did Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes tick off to get stuck being in this steaming pile of Pegasus droppings. There are some really good scripts out there but meanwhile, this thing is getting made.... what a waste of everyone's time. No one that worked on that can say they are proud of working on that... it's a complete waste of effort.

Cowboys & Aliens

Were there Characters in that movie? I couldn't tell...

Ghostbusters (1984 Original)

A Legend.... if you're 30-40 and you haven't seen this.... You need to jump off a bridge. If you're 20 and under... consider it. But see the movie before you do so.

The Beaver
The Beaver(2011)

21 million to make, pulled in 0.9 domestically... ya gotta wonder what this film would've done had Mel not gone crazy in real life. The movies themes never really landed, but it was interesting, well acted and entertaining. I liked it.