Heist's Profile - Rotten Tomatoes

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Rating History

Samurai I: Musashi Miyamoto
6 months ago via Rotten Tomatoes


Man, it's not such a good idea to write these things 5 days after I've watched the movies. Anyway, [b]Samurai 1 [/b]is an introduction to the character of Takezo and explains how he came to be the samurai Musashi Miyamoto. It's an interesting story, but it probably works better once you've seen the other two movies of the trilogy. As it stands, Toshiro Mifune offers a solid performance and the visuals are interesting, even if the lighting is sometimes lacking (in other words: sometimes you can't see shit).


Solid, raw entertainment that could a bit of work in the story-telling, as the movie starts to lose some of its hitting power after a while. Still, Eastwood totally owns this role and his delivery his dead-on.


The solid performances and sometimes interesting visuals carry this TLC worthy real-life drama out of mediocrity. The MTV camera-work sometimes got annoying, taking away parts of the feeling of reality is was actually trying to convey. Oksana Akinshina is frickin' gorgeous. Add her to your list of "Chicks to look for naked pictures of when they're 18" list, along with Nikki Reed. Hmmmm... forbidden pie.


Lesbians are being slaughtered by vampires, so the church of Ottawa calls upon the services of the Almighty Jesus to get rid of the vampires and solve their mystery. Despite being shot in 2000-2001, the movies feels straight out of the 70s due to the poor visual quality and the old-school music. I doubt the poor visual quality was intended though, as the movie looks like it was shot with a budget of 50$ and that's in canadian currency. There are next to no special effects worthy of the name and most of the kung-fu fight effects are pulled using camera tricks of various degrees of ingeniosity. This is truly one of the cheapest movie I've ever seen but it doesn't always work against it.

The camera that was used in making this movie could not record sounds, so they had to record a fake soundtrack to match the movie, which proves to be one of the best decision concerning the movie-making, resulting in a clear and audible soundtrack.

A very minor problem with this movie is how deeply anchored it is in sub-culture. It feels like every single punk, greaser, headbanger & Cult-movie-lover in the town of Ottawa played in this movie and the inclusion of Santo doesn't help. The problem is, those people annoy me.

Some of the ideas throughout the movie work well, some are terrible and most would have been brilliant with a better budget. Because despite the certain cheap charm it gives it, the movie's better ideas are nearly ruined by the lack of ressources.

And for fucks sake, why did they shave Jesus?


What ultimately fails in [b]El Topo[/b] is the lack of values or themes to carry the movie and its plethora of sexual and religious references. The end result is a movie with mixed visuals, interesting characters, bad editing (the quick cuts are just awful) and tons of phallic references. I was told that Jodorowsky never took any drugs, which surprises me since the film feels like a bad LSD trip (which is what Jodorowsky was trying to emulate as I've read in an interview). Now, if [b]Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter [/b]was deeply anchered in sub-culture, [b]El Topo [/b]is even more anchored in hippy-culture, which I hate even more.

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky
4 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes


I've been wanting to see Riki-Oh for a long time; ever since I had seen a brief video clip where Riki was punching through a man's jaw. People kept telling me how violent and fun it was and it quickly became my most-expected movie. And when I finally saw it, I wasn't disappointed.

Sure, one could brag about its almost Quichotesque formula where the hero constantly finds himself beaten to a pulp and imprisoned so he can defeat the next bad guy on his list, which also happens to be stronger than the one before. You could also make fun of the acting, the cheap special effects and the fromagilicious moments of pure cheese displayed in flashbacks (or not). But really, they're all part of Riki-Oh's very own charm (although it is a charm it shares with films such as Peter Jackson's Braindead/Dead Alive).

You might as well face it, no one wants to watch a movie with profound visual metaphors followed by a man getting half his head punched off. If you're going for the cheese, you might as well go all the way.

Kerd ma lui (Born to Fight)
5 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

There are various reasons why I haven't been updating much, here they are:
[list=1][*]As you know, I finished school. I now have a job and actual things to do during the day. I still visit the board now and then, but much less than I used to.[*]I always used this place as a viewing log and recently, my viewing has been cut slack due to the NHL, playing hockey and spending time with my new darling AKA my new computer.[*]I've been watching mostly TV series now. Serenity, The Office and Carnivale, mostly. Still waiting for the season 2 of The Office by the way.[/list]While I'm talking about TV series, I might as well say this: Carnivale deserved to be cancelled. Not because it was a bad show, but because it obviously stretched its material. Apparently, the creator had a 6 year plan in mind for what is obviously more adequate for three seasons. Half the show consists of useless fat (and sort of like bacon, it's pretty tasty). It's an otherwise phenomenal show, though. And seriously, what was that anal sex thing about? Talk about awkward.

Speaking of phenomenal, here are the specs for my new PC:
Case: ANTEC Sonata II - ATX - 450W
CPU: AMD Athlon 64 3700+ / 2.2GHz / S939 / 1MB Cache (SAN DIEGO)
Vid: Ati Radeon X1800XL
HD: WESTERN DIGITAL Raptor 36GB / SATA / 10K RPM (for games, progs and sys)
and a black liteon keyboard
Coupled with recuperated parts from my old computer:
19 inch LG monitor
some beige Cambridge Soundwords 2 speakers+sub sound system
120GB Western Digital HD (mostly used for porn... er, I mean data)
Intellimouse Explorer (can you believe it used to cost $100 ?)
16X LiteOn DVDRW
and my trusty scanner.

I've been running every game I've installed so far (Day of Defeat: Source, Quake 4 and F.E.A.R.) at maximum settings with a steady ~80 fps. Take that, you stupid Xbox360. And take that, stupid wallet.

Anyway, movies:

A guy who's not quite Tony Jaa stars in the Thai remake of Die Hard. Replace the setting with some Thai village and the remove the awesome bad guy and they're essentially the same movie. Well, except for the fact that the movie doesn't progress in any real way in the last 45 minutes, because everyone's busy killing each other.

So yeah, I guess it ain't lone cop vs germans anymore. But there's still a cop bent and busting heads and taking names and the outside forces not being able to help. Anyway, the stuntwork is amazing. The fight choregraphy is decent and... lots of stuff blows up. Lots and lots of stuff.


Shane Black wrote this. Shane Black was in Predator. Shane Black wrote The Last Action Hero.

Shane Black > You, and Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is a pretty damn fine movie. Great writing + fun very self-referential narrative style (okay, I stole that from Buff) + great acting & chemistry + really hot chicks = good time.


Try not to read anything about this movie before seeing it, you'll be better off. Anyway, the movie's loaded with potential, but I might need a second rewatch to fully appreciate it. As it is huge gap between the introduction and the conclusion (AKA the development) is somewhat... superfluous.


Someone on IMDB referred to Fanny & Alexander as "a [color=#000000]Dickensian novel with supernatural touches" which I think is relatively accurate (maybe fantasy would be a better term than supernatural touches). I don't think the two mix very well. And Ingmar Bergman felt the need to tell me otherwise in his movie. How subtle. Anyway, I guess Mr. Bergman used this film to tell us what he thinks of just about everything. I don't think Mr. Bergman is a particularly interesting fellow, sadly. Each scene felt like it dragged for twice the time it should've and the entire movie felt like little more than a collection of those scenes. And is it just me or Ewa Fröling looks like an uglier version of Denise Richards? Freaky, yo.

Girls of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang:

Michelle Monaghan

Shannyn Sossamon

Angela Lindvall