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Rating History

Ghost Rider
Ghost Rider (2007)
9 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

What an awful pile of crap this movie turned out to be. It's a damn shame, because this movie could have been a good, fun superhero flick if someone had bothered to revise the script. Apparently they were too busy with effects to worry about the storyline, characters, cohesion, or anything other than Nicolas Cage running around with his head in flames.

In the beginning, Johnny Blaze sells his soul to the devil to save his daddy from cancer. Well, daddy bites it in a motorcycle accident the next day, and now Johnny knows that one day the devil will come calling for him. The initial setup isn't bad, but boy oh boy, it doesn't take long to get there.

We zoom ahead to Johnny as a thirty-something, or so it would seem. There is no character in him, just a hollow man. I don't know if that was intentional or just Nicolas Cage not giving a wet cabbage fart about the role. Probably both. There are times when you can tell that Cage isn't even trying. He's a stunt man who knows that he can get away with any crazy stunt because the devil wont let him die. He meets his former flame and they somehow hit it off again in a stupid, ridiculous sequence involving a silly stunt with crappy CGI and Johnny racing away down the highway after her. She has no reason at all to want him back. He's an idiot and a hotshot, so why would she even want him? The writer doesn't seem to care. There is no chemistry at all between these two.

Then the devil comes calling and turns Johnny into the Ghost Rider because Lucifer's little emo prick kid is causing trouble with a few of his emo/goth buddies. Seriously, there was nothing scary about these guys. Blackheart, the devil's son, wore way too much eye makeup and looked like he should be cutting himself while crying in a corner instead of trying to claim a contract for a thousand souls. Gimme a break. Satan gets thousands of souls every day in this world. The rest of his band look no better. Who ever designed these "bad guys" should never work in Hollywood again. Blackheart messily devours every piece of scenery he can find. Seriously, he couldn't have hammed it any more if he had been porking Ms. Piggy while covered in hog's blood. It's unbearable to watch.

So Johnny has to set out and, of course, fight Blackheart's elemental buddies in lame fights that last about thirty seconds on average. In the meantime, we have useless, nonsensical filler like the cops inexplicably coming after Johnny because they found his charred motorcycle license plate...among the wreckage of a bunch of overturned, charred-up cars. Yeah, makes perfect sense. There are also lazy, hackneyed continuity issues, such as Sam Eliot saying that the demons can't enter holy ground, such as a church...yet we see them do that very thing.T here's the loveless love story, and Johnny runs into Sam Eliot, a former Ghost Rider, who seems to be the only one in this movie that gave a crap about it. His performance is easily the best, but it can't carry the rest of the film.

There are a handful of good parts where Johnny is running around as the flaming Ghost Rider, but not nearly enough to save this horrible flick. If they'd bothered to revise the script after some drunken, washed-up writer crapped out a first draft, it might have been better, but everyone involved in the making of this film was either phenomenally stupid or phenomenally lazy.

Lady in the Water
10 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

I really loathe movie critics sometimes. They get so wrapped up in things that they can't just sit back and watch a movie. Then again, maybe it was M. Night's (admittedly overboard) depiction of a snooty movie critic in his movie that pissed them off. Granted, the abhorrent studio suits did to this what they did with The Village: Put out a ton of "THIS IS SCARY!!" previews for a movie that was not meant to be a suspense/thriller. I really hate the studio suits.

Anyway, I enjoyed this film. It was not without faults, but by the end, I was enthralled. The key to this is to go in with the idea that it isn't a creepfest, it isn't a thriller, it's a fairy tale, a bedtime story, a piece of whimsy. Go into it as such and you'll have a good time as the kid in you comes out to play. Apparently most of the critics have lost that little piece of themselves.