ZEB's Profile - Rotten Tomatoes

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Rating History

Man of Steel
Man of Steel (2013)
2 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

Superman is dead. This movie fucking sucked the big one. But I'm not here to just curse from anger and loss of a loved one. I'm actually going to calmly and precisely why exactly this movie fucking sucked.
First of all, let's just get this out of the way and acknowledge the fact that Christopher Reeve and Superman's 1 and 2, were perfect movies for their time. They got 93% but in my opinion because of classic movie status, it might as well just be 100%. With that as fact, a remake, an exact remake. Like the way they remade Footloose; where even camera shots were replicated could have been considered. But of course that was not even considered and maybe rightly so because why? Because conceit drives Hollywood. Asshole screenwriters think they are talented because they make money from writing and selling movies. Let me ask you this. Do heroine dealers think they are great salesmen because they are successful selling addictive drugs? Movies are American crack and everyone knows it; they sell themselves. Anyways the writing just fucking sucked. But that's not all. Yes the main character looked like Superman. His hair was right and he is a good-looking guy. Sure, physically, he was well cast. But that's beside the point. The story was so poorly constructed that Superman was a mentally weak. Every aspect of the story was driven by his father. Superman is supposed to be a normal kind of guy. He has all these powers but inside he is a normal person. That's why Christopher Reeve did such a good job. You can tell that Christopher Reeves was a genuinely good person, a little nerdy, and had more than a pretty face.
But let me get back to my original point which is this movie was complete shit. So as I said, you can argue that he was well cast, but in truth everyone else was horribly cast. Morpheus as Perry white? Amy Adams as Lois Lane? No, no, no. Perry white is white. Lois Lane is a brunette. You're not making things better, your making things worse. Sure, Russell Crowe did a fine job as Jor-El. Not better than Marlon Brando of course. But Jor-El actually stole the show...in a bad way. All the decision that were made were his. Christ, he even stowed away the superman suit in the fucking spaceship that sent superman here. Superman didn't actually do anything himself. A totally reactive character who did not drive the action but only responded to it.
To be honest with you I could go on and on about why this movie sucked dick. But it's boring. I'm not only bored from this movie, but I'm bored talking about it.

Lone Survivor
Lone Survivor (2014)
2 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

Weak sauce. This made navy seals look like rookies. Hey, I got an idea, super badass seal guys; how bout you don't let your EPOWs go until exfil is underway. Wow, I must be a super smart super badass navy seal too. Look, don't get me wrong. God bless the dead. but seriously man...and all that corny 'dying with a full heart' bullshit from ben foster.

Croupier
Croupier (2000)
4 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

this is the most brilliant combination of writing and acting. paul mayersberg or whatever his name is and clive owen have an awesome mind meld thing going on. This movie was truly a pleasure to watch. Ahhh, the mystery of chance....

Van Diemen's Land
4 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes
½

This movie stuck with me for over a week...actually, even now, as I think of it, I get the feeling again. This one gets in there deep.

Van Helsing
Van Helsing (2004)
4 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

If this movie were any dumber, you'd have to water it...that being said, I give it a hella-fresh rating for just being such a pleasure to watch.