swannerandjudd.com's Profile - Rotten Tomatoes

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Rating History

Sex Tape
Sex Tape (2014)
3 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

Swanner: I've been asking for some original material all summer that's going to be so exciting that I makes this lukewarm summer sizzle...Sex Tape is not that movie. Sex Tape fails in so many different ways, I don't know where to start. I mean, you have Cameron Diaz and Jason Segal in an R rated sexy comedy, right! Both have done very successful sexy comedies before but even though the two are naked a lot, it never felt sexy. This felt more like a one joke movie that ultimately became a no joke movie.

Judd: Written by Jason Segel, Nicholas Stoller and Kate Angelo, directed by Jake Kasdan, who also directed Bad Teacher and Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, you would think this team could produce something a little raunchier than what is essentially a family movie. After parents Jake and Annie try to rekindle their sex life with a sex tape, the video gets sent to iPads all over Los Angeles in the most contrived and implausible way ever. The rest of the movie is spent with Jake and Annie trying to recover the tablets.

Swanner: I know Brian won't remember this but when Segel and Diaz were in Bad Teacher together they had much more chemistry and were far sexier than in this film. I know they were playing a couple who let their lives go when the kids started to show up (another storyline we've seen quite a bit) but if all they had before was just really good sexy then that says much more about their relationship then just making the video. When Diaz started bitching about him attending clubs to hear perspective music clients it sounded an awful lot like This Is 40 when Leslie Mann said the same thing to Paul Rudd which was written by Judd Apatow about a couple bored with their lives.

Judd: Segel and Diaz were in Bad Teacher together? You're right, I don't remember that! The problem is that between the title and the marketing we're lead to believe this is going to be a sex comedy, what we're given is a movie that's about as sexless as Jake and Annie's marriage. The worst offence the movie made was including the children in the last-ditch effort Jake and Annie make to recover the video off a web server. I was expecting the Tanners to show up at any moment with Michelle in tow, "You got it, dude!"

Swanner: Is that a Full House reference? Never saw the show and if it's anything like this...good. I really wanted this to be good because I do like both actors. I was surprised Diaz was only 42, I was sure she was closer to 50 and Segal being only 34 means he needs to get that moisturizing started now. The film has a few funny parts but not enough to call it a comedy. I'm blaming the script on this mess because I've seen everyone else do better work. Enough with the bored couple storylines, If you don't want to give up your old lives...stop having children.

Judd: It also needs to be mentioned that the camerawork was extra horrible. The camera would tilt for no good reason, like screw that held the camera level was loose. There was one scene where the camera was so wobbly, it was actually distracting. I found myself watching the walls and ceiling slowly go out of parallel with edges of the frame. If this were a low-budget indie film, it would be excusable, but instead is was further evidence of how sloppy and shoddy this movie really is.

Swanner: 1/2 star
Judd: No stars

Planes: Fire And Rescue
3 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

Swanner: After learning he can no longer race because of engine problems, Dusty joins the Fire and Rescue team to learn to fight fires. Not a big fan of the original Planes I was dreading this one but a good story and new characters have turned this sequel into a winner. Dane Cook returns as the voice of Dusty with Ed Harris, Julie Bowen, Curtis Armstrong and John Michael Higgins joining the cast. A new director, Roberts Gannaway, make it work 1000% better than the first one.

Judd: Mathematically speaking 1000 times 0 is still 0, and that's where Planes lands with me. The characters are forgettable, the story is banal; Planes: Fire and Rescue is an after-school cartoon stretched thin to 85 minutes. While I didn't leave the theater in a rage, like some horrible movies can put me in, I still felt like I had wasted nearly an hour and a half of my life on some Disney cash grab.

Swanner: Tell us how you really feel. I'm right with you on the original. It felt like someone at Disney wanted to figure how they could make money by drafting off the Cars model. Fire and Rescue is of course a sequel but this one felt less regurgitated. I like the take on the story. It took the character in another direction of helping the community instead of just trying to win a race. I thought the film looked better than the first and it was nice getting away for how stereotyped the original characters were.

Judd: I don't remember what the first one looked like, and I'll grant you it was nice to see the planes weren't total stereotypes, but that's like congratulating Tom and Jerry for no longer using Mammy Two Shoes. Although, there was a Heap Big Indian Chief helicopter named Windlifter, so maybe in Planes 3 we'll be treated to an Oriental puddle jumper who's catchphrase will be "Ah So!"

Swanner: The good news is there isn't a new one in production. Maybe they've squeezed all the blood from this stone. We also have a new Pixar coming out next year. It's an original story called Inside Out in June 2015. So while Planes can return to TV to fill up Saturday mornings...there are new animated films coming with hopefully new and exciting characters and stories. You just have to wait.

Judd: I don't see Disney giving up on this cash cow any time soon. We still have to get Trains and Boats out of the way and the merchandising options are limitless. These are the kinds of movies that make me reconsider why we do this; movies that only exist to part fools from their money. Planes: Fire and Rescue is an 85 minute toy commercial.

Swanner: 2 stars
Judd: No stars

The Purge: Anarchy
3 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

Judd: After having to endure the first The Purge by myself, I was glad that Tom was going to be joining me at The Purge: Anarchy. That is until he mysteriously had "other plans" the night of the screening and once again, I was doomed to suffer alone.

The first movie was am 85 minute, low-budget affair that took place in the Sandin home, when a homeless man enters their domicile to escape the night of The Purge - a 12 hour period where all crime is legal and the wealthy use it as an excuse to kill off the poor. The first movie was a toothless thriller that didn't bother to examine any of the potentially fascinating social constructs. Here we are a year later and writer/director James DeMonaco expands upon the first movie, in both budget and runtime, but not the depth of which he tackles the disparity-of-wealth issue.

A nameless man is going to use The Purge to exact revenge, for what we don't know. On his way to his target, his car breaks down and he saves a woman and her daughter who's tenement was targeted by some highly organized purgers, for why we don't know. As the four of them are trying to make it to safety they run into a young couple, who are also having car trouble and trying to escape some zealous purgers. Meanwhile there's a militant black man, complete with a kufi (crocheted beanie) and scarred face, pirating the airwaves calling for the poor to rise up and turn the tables on the murdering rich. Oh brother.

While I felt that this movie didn't pander to liberal guilt as blatantly as the first, the movie still only scratches the surface of the issues it attempts to address. Outside of the political aspect, though, the movie is fairly by the books with stock characters. The Bad Ass, the Junior Revolutionary and her mother, and the couple on the verge of splitting who need something to bring them back together. They travers Los Angeles trying to find safety, while encountering purgers who all seemed to want to announce their reasons for killing, whether it be for God, for Country or for the thrill of it. The direction has some OK moments, but nothing that sets this movie apart, something I would expect from a film that tackles such an interesting topic. Performances are fine, but again, nothing special. No one is going to be recognized for their standout work.

I have a feeling that The Purge is going to become the new Saw franchise. Wealth disparity is always going to be an issue, and finding "survivors" on a night when the whole country goes on a murderous rampage is literally like shooting fish in a barrel. This sequel introduces a revolutionary faction that is sure to take on the "New Founding Fathers" sooner or later. Maybe Tom will be able to join me when The Purge 3 comes out, but I'm not holding my breath.

Judd: 2 stars