CalvinandHobbes23's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews

The Twilight Saga: New Moon
½

Film: The Twilight Saga: New Moon
ok first i really would've given this film a 3.5, so for all you crazy twilight fans know that my rating is actually a bit higher . . .

ok well now onto the film itself: to put it bluntly this film has few if any redeeming qualities. This essentially is a michael bay film for chicks, all the girls will eat it up but it does not make it a goo film by any standards. Now i don't have much time so i'll just list off a few of my major complaints.

When kristen Stewart is the best actor on screen for over two hours it's likely that the supporting cast isn't incredible, not to insult Miss Stewart (I did find her enjoyable in Adventure Land) but she and every other actor played this movie out on soap actor levels.

Other problem with this film is the story itself, and yes i've read the books so you can't say i just need to read them to understand. But the story wanders so slowly it makes the book look like a classic. For literally half the movie bella sits moping around which is only made worse by the lack of connection between Stewart and Pattinson, giving us no real reason to believe she would actually miss him.

Now the big one, random shirtless guys. Yes it seemed that you could not blink without one of the many ripped stars would whip off their shirt to show off their chiseled body. Now i know that the wolves do this to travel light and such, and i know people are going to say, "well if it was topless chicks u'd like this movie." Well no not true, i may enjoy it slightly more but it would not make this a better film, if that were true every porno on the internet would be a classic.

And i've gotta get to sleep so i'll wrap this up. Now the effects, i'll admit that they are better than twilight (they should be this movie cost a hell of a lot more to make) but that's no excuse for that terrible wolf cgi, there were most definitely point at which it looked identical to a videogame. I simply was expecting this movie to have great effects since it was guaranteed to make great money.

i could go one forever so i'll just cut off here and say that is you are not an avid twilight fan this movie can easily be passed by, and if you are a twihard and you say this movie is the greatest thing since the godfather than you seriously need to realize that in ten years this film will have been forgotten . . .
( 3/10 )

Paul Blart: Mall Cop
½

Film: Paul Blart: Mall Cop
I can say quite honestly that this film was not in the least bit enjoyable or funny, yes there were a few almost humourus parts, but most of it actually consisted of very low brow and often predictable humour. This is a happy madison film after all which explains quite well that lack of 3-d characters and the bland plotline. It is sad that this movie is doing well, it should be a straight to dvd discount box film. I mean really, half the film were segway and fat jokes. I miss actual good comedies like "tropic thunder" and "role models". The inconsistencies of Blart himself were also annoying, one minute he'd be tripping over nothing on flat ground and the next he'd manage to scale a wall of beat off bad guys? The movie essentially wasn't made for anyone with an IQ over 70 which says quite a bit about the society we're living in today...
(3/10)

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Film: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is the sixth installment in the harry potter franchise which is now beginning to wind down. This is to be the third last movie in the series(the seventh book being split into two movies) and though it is definitely a great movie it does not stand on it's own nearly as well as i would like, that said if you've read the books or have seen previous films this one flows rather nicely.
One of the primary complaints i do have about this film is the plot. Now in the books the main plot is dumbledore and Harry discovering the mystery of voldemort while there is also a subplot of harry hooking up with ginny and other teen romances which take place. however in the film these two plots are probably neck and neck in terms of screen time. This is not necessarily a a negative thing and for some people it could be a positive; i was rather looking forward to a few more memory sequences but it's not a terrible loss that ruins the film.
As with all harry potter films and books they become increasingly darker as the series progresses, same with this film. This is definitely the darkest so far setting up the following films to delve further into mature areas. That being said there is a surprising amount of comedy which seems to almost counter balance much of the disasters which occur and at points was unnecessary(though this can be forgiven as most of the comic relief is both funny and well placed.
This movie is certainly one of the better harry potter films with acting, cinematography, directing and basically every aspect of this movie performed with delicate precision. And i'm sure there are going to be many complaining about the amount they left out from the book, looking back this has been one of the more faithful adaptions to JK Rowling's work and even covers a few plot points which the previous film forgot to mention.
This is essentially a very solid summer film which covers all the points and then some, making this a extremely satisfying film, though it may confuse or frustrate those extremely faithful to the book as well as those who have not yet become acquainted with the previous harry potter works.
( 8/10 )

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Film: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
This is basically the same as the first movie, which though I didn't love the first film it was a passable action flick. This however, though similar, takes everything from the first film and makes it bigger though definitely not better. The campy humor for in the first one is here too though it seems to have been pushed to the point where it just becomes ridiculous and sometimes offensive. A few of these include: The Negro Bots, Mom Getting high on brownies, dogs humping stuff, robots humping stuff, the Negro bots, the robot with balls, the man thong thing, and much more... It just got freaken ridiculous and at this point I'm wondering if Micheal Bay Himself is a kid in a man's body, because this seems to be the sort of humor a thirteen year old boy would find funny. Sorry I'm rambling a bit so i'll just rap this up quick. The film did have some decent action scenes but the one thing that really annoyed me through it all is that you couldn't tell who was who, nearly every robot is grey and except a couple of animal bots ( and of course bumble bee and Optimus) you really couldn't tell them apart in a few scenes. But hey some people might like it, I personally didn't but let's get this clear, this is not the epitome of action films. To be honest it kinda breaks my heart to see this beast make so much at the box office... = ( So go see it if you really want to but don't go in expecting anything above average. Also, didn't bumble bee get his ability to talk at the end of the first film? Why can't he talk in this one?
(4/10)