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Rating History

Sucker Punch
Sucker Punch (2011)
5 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

It's been a while since I've posted anything on here. I'm going to continue that trend. I'm too lazy and busy to bother updating this site with a lot of posts but I'll give a quick update on my thoughts on Zach Snyder's Sucker Punch.

I freaking loved it. Call me an idiot, say I'm stupid, I don't give a rip. I can look past the glaring problems in Sucker Punch and get a whole lot of entertainment out of it. Then again, I'm partial to this type of movie. The ridiculous, video game, type. I think it balances out my partiality to such films as The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.

Now, I'm trying to keep this brief but I want to address the one criticism I refuse to have leveled against me. My enjoyment of this film was not derived from the abundance of ladies in rather suggestive attire. Do not accuse me of that. I hate to sound juvenile but I purposely went to see this movie with females to avoid this suggestion.

So in closing, if you enjoy just watching a good, entertaining, movie and can forgive the rather shallow story and Snyder's trademark cinematography then you may like Sucker Punch.

I'll be the first to admit that this review was less than extraordinary but if we live in a world where movies like Sucker Punch (awesome) and Battle L.A. (epic) are derided but Pan's Labyrinth (pretentious) and Fight Club (just plain bad) are praised as masterpieces then I can get away with this dinky review.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
6 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

Warning: This review contains SPOI.... Screw it. If you care enough about the plot to get upset over some spoilers you are watching this movie for all the wrong reasons. Just read the review please.

I?m almost ashamed to admit this but I loved GI Joe: Rise of Cobra. Granted it was a mind numbingly stupid movie that is an insult to all great action films ever but even through the bad CGI, hammy acting, awful dialogue, ludicrous plot, and general awfulness I still had a great time watching it. Somehow the complete awfulness transcended the trash heap and became a so bad its awesome movie. The plot is ridiculous, something about some evil Scotsman and his plot to take over the world using some kind of metallic, remote control, bug things. It?s ridiculous but who really watches these kind of movies for plot? We watch movies like this for two things, explosions and hot chicks. Unfortunately the explosions are pretty awful. The CGI in GI Joe is sub-par at best. It?s pretty pathetic for a big budget action flick. So the movie has to resort to a different tactic to keep the audience interested. Women. You?re almost guaranteed to make a few dollars with your movie if you throw in several attractive ladies. GI Joe is a perfect example of this tactic used to the extreme. There almost isn?t a single shot of this film without at least one lady on screen. And most of the time these ladies happen to be doing something awesome like shooting a laser sighted crossbow, shooting guns, or just generally being hot and awesome. I know a lot of action movie purists resent the involvement of women in these kind of films (?I want John Rambo not Carrie Bradshaw!?) but unfortunately this is a generation that prefers wimpy guys like Channing Tatum to be their action stars so filmmakers have to throw in ladies to distract from the general patheticness of Tatum. So what besides the women makes GI Joe worth your time? One person makes this entire movie worthwhile. Joseph Gordon Levitt. His mere presence on screen makes this a better film. I don?t know much about the source material but Levitt makes a great Cobra Commander in my opinion. Mainly because he seems to be the only actor who realizes how stupid this film really is and chooses to just go all out for his role. I found myself drifting off near the end of this film because of too much focus on ?story? but whenever Levitt wandered in with his creepy asthma mask thinger I immediately got pulled back in by his sheer awesomeness. So we?ve got hot chicks, Joseph Gordon Levitt, and what else makes this film so awesome? It?s free. If you?ve got a Netflix account GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is on Instant Play so you have no excuse not to spend an evening watching it. You?ll get 2 hours of hot ladies, tv actors spouting out nonsense, Dennis Quaid in a beret, stupid yet awesome action, a ninja wearing only white (what?), the Eiffel tower getting eaten by metallic termite things, and Joseph Gordon Levitt. What more could you ask for?

28 Days Later
28 Days Later (2003)
6 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

Warning: This review contains SPOILERS

Note: In an effort to differentiate my reviews from the thousands of others available on the internet I've chosen to review the film on a scale of how much I enjoyed it. The quality of a film is irrelevant if the film isn't entertaining *cough* benjamin button *cough* so if you're looking for a review telling you the exact reasons why this film is good you should look elsewhere. However if it seems like you and I might agree on what makes a good or bad movie then this review might be helpful to you. Thanks in advance for reading what I've written. Hopefully it'll be helpful or informative.

28 Days Later is a zombie flick that entertained but conversely made me literally sick to my stomach. While I could chalk this up to the film being graphically violent I think my problem with this film goes deeper. The film?s first 2/3s is a violent zombie flick but in the final third of this film the gore is ratcheted up to obscene levels and the plot goes into some incredibly disturbing content. When Jim, Selena, and Hannah are taken in by the soldiers the film goes from an entertaining film to more of an ordeal to sit through. The gore takes the spotlight over the mood and characters. Jim goes from someone who can barely defend himself to a character who destroys characters in the goriest fashion possible. Also, while Jim is off doing his thing (aka killing soldiers in the woods) Selena and Hannah (who is supposed to be 14 years old) are being threatened with rape by a group of soldiers. This is probably my least favorite part of this film, you could brush it off as ?character development? but after watching the alternate endings it?s clear Boyle could have gone with a less provocative plot line. It almost seems like Boyle wanted to go for the most extreme ending possible, he has Jim beat a man?s head against a brick wall then gouge out his eyes with his fingers (all of which is caught in graphic detail), he has the soldiers threatening Hannah and Selena, and in the end Hannah ends up killing a soldier on her own. All of this detracts from a film that, if the ending had been better, could have gone down as one of my favorite films. Granted 28 Days Later starts out great, I?d even go so far to say that I loved the beginning (minus naked Scarecrow of course) but the end is just so out of place it took the film down quite a bit.

How to Train Your Dragon
6 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

Note: I'm currently working on my Inception review but since there has been such a huge wave of reviews for it I'm holding off on posting it until its completely polished and all the other reviews slow down a bit. Until then this will have to suffice. Thanks for reading.

What is wrong with me? Why didn't I love this movie? Everyone else adores this film but I just thought it was mediocre. Did I miss something when I was watching it? I went in to the theater expecting to love this film, I went against my nature and payed for 3D, and I was ready to see the first film that could supposedly give Pixar competition. When I left I was in shock, this was the movie everyone was going nuts over? It was so riddled with cliches and was so generic in every way that I couldn't draw myself to recommend it to anyone. Honestly, I want to know what I missed here. The film I saw had a generic plot that did nothing new or creative with its premise, had cliched lead and supporting characters, and looked decent for a Dreamworks film but still couldn't touch Pixar's level of animation quality. What was I missing? I'm not sure and maybe you can tell me but for now I'm going to review one of the most overhyped movies of the year.

Don't get me wrong I don't mind a well worn premise, look at Ratatouille. Pixar managed to take a overused story line (son isn't understood by his community but in the end saves his family and friends using his unique talent) and fill it with unique characters and some great humor that made what should have been a blemish on Pixar's record one of the best films they've ever made. Dragon doesn't do this, it merely goes through all the steps of this plot without adding anything new or noteworthy to the mix. Dragon's characters are also almost entirely forgettable though not entirely because we've seen all of them before in other films. We have the misunderstood hero (usually a skinny nerd kid) then we've got the jock (in this case its a girl), and those are followed by some goofy characters (a set of twins, another nerd, and a bully) that are almost all forgettable. If I got any of the characters wrong or left one out don't blame me, I barely remember them at this point.

So now we've got a cliched plot and some bad characters so maybe the animation quality can save the film from utter mediocrity. Unfortunately as you may have already guessed it can't. The animation isn't necessarily bad but its just so ordinary, it doesn't have the wow factor of Up's thunder storm and jungle scenes or of Toy Story 3's thousands individual pieces of garbage slowly sliding towards a billowing fire pit. It looks like every other animated movie released this year. However Dragon may still have one saving grace if the critics and fans are too be believed; the flying scenes supposedly rival Avatar. Of course since I haven't seen Avatar I can't compare but if Avatar's flying scenes are anything like Dragon then I have one more reason not to watch Avatar. The flying scenes are nice but I wasn't blown away by them (and yes I was watching in 3D).

The 3D is another problem I have with the film, maybe I'm not used to this new kind of 3D but it seems to me that if I'm paying for a third dimension I should have stuff being thrown out of the screen at me. Sure its a gimmick but its better than paying extra money just to have the movie come slightly out of the screen to add depth. I seriously felt cheated after walking out of this film, I barely noticed the 3D and would have preferred to spend the extra cash I spent on it buying the Inception soundtrack.

So all in all How to Train Your Dragon isn't an awful film, I remember laughing maybe once or twice and it was a nice diversion for a couple hours but a masterpiece? Far from it. Dragon has received a lot of hype and many have suggested that it deserves an oscar. Let me just say this, if How to Train Your Dragon wins an oscar over the far superior Toy Story 3 I will lose all remaining faith I have in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. How to Train Your Dragon is a far cry from the greatness many have claimed that it is and in the end is just another addition to the subpar catalog of films Dreamworks throws out in their pathetic attempts to dethrone Pixar.

Toy Story 3
Toy Story 3 (2010)
6 years ago via Rotten Tomatoes

Note: Once again I'm skipping a plot synopsis. Because if you need a plot synopsis then you obviously haven't seen this film yet. What the stink is wrong with you? Get off your bum turn off the computer and get to your fraking theater. This movie is a MUST see. Alright onto the review.

Did you expect anything less from Pixar? Toy Story 3 is a film that is hilarious, tear jerking, and action packed. Basically one of the best movies I've ever seen. Instead of falling flat on its third outing (Shrek) Toy Story 3 soars past its predecessors to be the best movie out of all three. Now that is obviously just personal preference because on a level of quality all three films are perfect.

We already know all of these characters from the first two films and so they need no introduction. The only real noticeable absence is Bo Peep but Jesse pretty much took over as the female lead in the second film so her absence isn't painful. Many new characters are introduced including Lotso-huggin bear (called Lotso), Big Baby, and Ken. Every character (especially Ken) fit perfectly in the world of Toy Story and are immensely entertaining. Now you may be wondering, Onion? What about Mr Pricklepants (best character EVER!), Bookworm, Chunk, Chatter Telephone, Buttercup, Stretch, and Trixie? We heard about all these characters before the film came out and now we want to know what they do! Well to be honest I had only one real complaint with Toy Story 3. Not the film, the marketing. All these characters are advertised all over the place but in the actual film they're nothing more than supporting characters. Not a problem since they all fill their roles perfectly but the advertisements made it seem like they'd be more prominently featured in the film. Of course that's only a minor problem with something that has no bearing on the actual film.

Even though the film follows around a group of talking toys these characters feel more real than some actual human beings in other movies. The romance between Buzz and Jesse (best part of the movie) is so brilliant I'm almost just crying thinking about it (the Rascal Flatts song might have something to do with that). All the characters interact in such real ways you almost forget they're actually toys. I felt more emotion for these CGI toys than I ever did for Jack Sparrow, Indiana Jones, or Luke Skywalker.

This film is literally without flaws. I've rated other films 100% but this is the first film I've ever seen that is truly perfect. Perfect almost seems like too small of a word to describe this film. Perfectly Epic Awesome Amazing Wonderful Brilliant. That almost works. Still doesn't quite capture what Toy Story 3 actually is. Oh well, just go watch the movie and see what I mean. Like I said earlier Toy Story 3 is a MUST see film. If you've been disappointed by most of the films released this summer (let's face it, who isn't?) go do yourself a favor and see Toy Story 3. It doesn't disappoint on any level and should be mandatory viewing for every family in America.