Wissmongler's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews

The Last Airbender

M.Night Shyamalan has never been good since The Village. Downhill projects and horrible film making altogether, its been hard for the public to accept any of his work. So using a popular animated t.v series sounds like a good way to reenter into greatness. Such as his old film like the Sixth Sense. Its not great nor good nor even decent and no where close to the Sixth Sense but I feel like it does just enough for you to at least enjoy the experience.

The Last Airbender tells the story of a young monk who can control all of the elements and become a avatar. The complication is that he hasn't personally learned them so upon discovery, two siblings decide to take him on a journey to learn the arts and retain balance in a world conquered by fear of the fire legion. A simple story to follow and it is. For once, there are little twist to the story rather M.Night uses them on the characters instead.

The overall package is disturbingly pathetic when being called a adaption to a famous series. The contrast in comparison is rather beneath then what most people expected. The amount of young actors themselves didn't prove to be any good as well. Inexperience was shown here. The stars were amazingly poor at their execution of dialogue and the perception of the characters itself.

The films moves a little to quick and rushes. Leaving out gaping details and offer little explanation in return. There was almost no synergy between the characters or the story. Its contriving and it totally ruins the experience for those hardcore fans. So what does make this a passable flick? Well...

As a blockbuster, it serves its own right and fulfills it. It has amazing special effects and the battles can be epic. In scale, this fits perfectly as a Michael Bay adaption but even then they have significance. This is more or less kids in action and have little significance. But as a fool for colors and dazzles, I enjoyed it.

On its own, Avatar is a frenzy of spectacular moments but doesn't hold enough for the whole ten pounds. If you get my metaphor. If not then allow me explain. The Last Airbender does what it needs to in order to earn its million dollar trophy but leave very little for oscar nominations. M.Night did not put much thought into the story or the structural development in general but in the end he does serve well to those who enjoy dazzles (CGI infested crap).

On paper, its tragic to accept this as a true film or even a decent adaption but it is in its own right entertainment. Thats all you can really say about our new Airbender.

Resident Evil: Afterlife

The Resident Evil Franchise have been a glamor in today's society. In video games however. The film adaptions have been no more then subpar achievements although the first three were at least entertaining. The recent 3D gimmick called Afterlife falls flat and its quite ugly in comparison. Just like the nasty zombies that this film puts out.

The story starts off right after Extinction and leaves Alice in a dead world with no trace of her friends. Her only option is to find Arcadia. A so call paradise where there are no infections or creepy monsters. She finds nothing and decides to travel only to find more survivors in a prison who are also looking for Arcadia, or to be picked up by it. So far its a solid lineup but from that point on, it was pure trash.

There are many reasons why this film falls extremely flat. Milla Jovovich does a fine job as Alice but her costars seem a bit out of place. With odd characters struggling together, its more likely going to end in disaster. The miscast of Chris Redfield also did not help. Little is known about him and all he does is make good eye contact. Beyond that is irrelevant and even his sister Claire played by Ali Larter doesn't even seem convinced that Chris is a relative at all. Yes, I know she has memory loss but still, pretty awkward. All the way till the end actually.

As many characters that the Resident Evil Franchise carries, it seems Paul Anderson never seems to make them work well together. They are either miscast or randomly popping up out of no where and have little presence in the story at all. Also little or deflated detail is an issue when dealing with sophisticated characters. The existence of Jill Valentine is rather concerning. Films should never be a near copy of the game but it has to at least use the concept and not stray to far away from the personal characters themselves. In this case, they're all over the place and its quite frustrating for a gamer myself and even as a open minded audience to understand why these characters have any purpose at all. It just feels like extra firepower more then anything. Jill had one major role but was hardly badass at all. Such a shame it is. Even after a brief role, she became a shadow behind Alice.

That's not the only thing to be concerned about. 3D again is used as a gimmick and the action is to Matrix like for my taste. The slow motion is also tiring to watch after an hour and some of the major fights are horribly choreographed. It did however have some nice scenery. It was nice to see an overview of how fucked up the people were by being in a prison surrounded by zombies. It can be a little comical to watch and at one point wonder why it took so long for all the zombies to call out their big boy to take down the gate. There are tons of zombies who although mindless cant even figure out the impact between them and their behemoths.

This installment is an embarrassment to the franchise and even to its own film galore. Its the worst in the series. Everything about this film can be considered gimmicky or clownish. That's not a good thing.

The entire script is poor, the 3D is poor, and to make matters worst the monsters themselves are poor. Although it does add a nice touch to the third film with a logical back story, the execution of it all is just to bad to fall in love with. It doesn't matter how many bullets are flying or how many flips Alice can do. In the end, its all pointless without a solid structure.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1

Harry Potter has been one of the most prestigious form of entertainment since its inception. From novels to film adaptions, it has never failed to please the faithful and shock the newcomers. All Harry Potter films carry a sense of accomplishment and virtue amongst friends and enemies. This latest installment however failed to meet its own expectations. It has a nice buildup but I felt it needed more material despite the lengthy time this film took to explore very little concepts of the book itself. This film beneath the extraordinary hype is none more then a legitimate disappointment. And I am here to tell you why.

The film starts off almost where it left off from The Half Blood Prince. Hogwarts is in turmoil and all the evil wizards have taken the world by storm. Harry and friends are back home not sure of what is to come and must find a way to end the treachery. Such as the destruction of the horcruxes and the dethroning of Voldermort. Harry cant do it on his own so everyone especially his school buddies Ron and Hermoine must help him achieve the impossible. Going through countless puzzles and dramatic dilemmas about who Hermoine truly loves. And of course the whole Deathly Hallows thing which ends up being a fable but with large importance. All of this is presented slowly into the film. Being bombarded by filler content and using all of its emotional strain to make this film as long as it is. Some seem pointless but others force the actors to truly shine. The drift between Ron and Harry and the countless mysteries hidden away in Harry's mind eats away hours and forcibly becoming the known accomplishment in the entirety. Making this film more or less a drag and a boring drag. At least the actors made it fun, for what its worth.

In all of this hype, you think of awesome spells and explosive magic to light up the screen but instead the action were short burst of chasing scenes and a bunch of fast pace wand action that is hardly ever concieved as epic. So many times it seems the "chosen one" is hardly powerful at all. Instead he relies on Hermoine's brain and Ron's ruthlessness to achieve something that should've taken Harry minutes to fully understand. Instead its weeks and boring weeks.

The exploration are none the less memories of Hermoine and truly nothing to look upon. Its not dazzling although it does do the film justice by showing the gloomy side of Hogwarts nation after the so call invasion. Nothing is really pretty and it was gray far and in between. It makes an interesting case for being a more emotional and darker film than the previous but even then it did not impress. The visuals were hardly taken advantage of because magic seemed like a lost art in the film. You spend most of the time with the three kids rambling around random settings, sleeping in tents, and reading books. At the same time, avoiding danger altogether.

It does do a nice job of presenting its characters and the maturity of our heroes but that's all it really does. Its a tedious experience throughout and is marked by at the least strong emotional scenes. So it gives us a chance to cry, laugh, or love but not entertained. So more couldve been done and so much more couldve improved upon what it already has. As for side characters, they are hardly noticed at all and that's a shame because some of them are interesting and fun. Like Luna and the Weasly twins.

I feel like this is a more personal film and the journey that we embark on is what makes this a seemingly memorable experience. To remind us what it took for Harry to defeat evil and so forth. It may have accomplished that or so it seems. Like I said, so little was accomplished in this film. It definitely needed more material or for instance, accomplishments and or victories. To much of Harry losing battles or finding himself troubled or confused, never did the chosen one showed his prowess. Instead its a bunch of failures combined. In the end tho, the film felt nice enough to allow Harry to have one victory or two depending what film you saw.

You could argue that this is a stepping stone into greatness, so nitpicking is somewhat prohibited. Harry needs a few bad days to truly crown the finale. Even then, it didn't feel like a sequel at all. Or at the least half of it. It was a boring experience throughout and even when excitement did kick in, it knocked itself back down to the horrible boring "lets all travel to some plain place and think about this" thing. Yes, that was the film. Investigation after investigation with no real answers, just more investigation. Not to mention, it was all done in cold and creepy places.

A coulda, woulda, shoulda film that wont impress anyone but has enough clinks to make this a passable Harry Potter. But in many regards, it is the weakest of the series. Such shame as it is. It has heart but hardly exciting. The strange thing was I never wanted the film to end because I was waiting for something awesome. Fortunately, it never did.

Pitch Black
Pitch Black(2000)

A film that ponders with the very idea of anti-heroes, Pitch Black happens to be so to say good enough that it expresses enough interest between action and sci-fi. Its an enjoyable ride that deserves its cult status. Its fun and at times imaginative.

Being a convict always means you get the worst of any treatment and will always have a sheer impact on how people follow you. Riddick is an anti-hero. On paper he is worse then anyone can ever imagine but can solely act in favor of those who despise him. A fixed vigilante with a personal agenda but the agenda can always be for the greater good.

Put into the future where there are tons of charted planets that look like deserts or so to say "moon surface", Pitch Black starts off in a space carrier where passengers go into cryosleep that takes a journey into a specific shipping route. Yes, these people are being shipped and Riddick happens to be one of them. Who is on his way to be sent back to the slam which is a fancy word for shithole or prison.

But in every film, there are complications and climaxes, so the only logical thing to do was to ruin the trip and crash land the carrier into a barren wasteland where there are a bunch of odd-looking aliens(who look like the original aliens) that hate the light but when in shadow will screw your day. Or to Riddick's own personal quote, "I'm not the one you should be afraid of". Yes, you are correct Mr. Riddick. Not to spoil but I have witnessed a man getting torn apart in mere seconds by just one of the beast.

The film does do a interesting job in portraying the atmosphere and creating a mood that settles in quite nicely into each situation. Tensions are involved, everyone's tired, and they all want to leave so lets just hurry and get it over with. Also, the idea of three suns with three different colors is just to me, witty. The scope changes from terrain to terrain depending on the destination and the magnitude of the planet is simply shock and awe. With colossal bones scattering the deepened wasteland and the ever so creepy tunnels that reside in the planet. Pitch Black offers a environment both creepy and exciting but is everything else okay?

And the answer is no. The dialogue can be sloppy and some acting could have been slightly improved but I believe Diesel moved along quite well and the overall experience was never ruined. As much of a sci fi thriller that it is, it is still in scope very weak when compared to lets say Aliens. It does present itself in a old school survivor tale kind of way but the whole idea gets kinda ruined when the deaths become so imminently bogus or cliche and the fact that the characters have little personality or overall presence. Also, the deaths are not all that amazing, even in the directors cut. Which is a shame.

And don't be to anticipated for action either because fist fights are not that exciting and firefights are limited because there is only one gun and is carried by a douchebag. But the night-vision glossy eyes and the brief scenes between Riddick and the aliens are fun enough to enjoy.

So much is lost in this film but the concept art and environmental design is more or likely going to be the savior and the fact that Riddick is a total badass just helps a little bit, despite hardly having any hoorah action scene.

What does make this film truly work is the character itself. Riddick's gritty yet calm attitude and being completely oblivious to the amount of harassment, just makes him that much better. The goggles, the muscles, and the attitude gets him a golden star which is good because this film lacked any solid character besides Riddick.

A lot of good can be had here but it doesnt quite fill the needs of die-hards. Casuals might find this more in tune but overall, the experience is just decent enough to allow one watch through and it sets a nice guideline for those who wish to make future projects related to Riddick.

In its own respect tho, it is a cult hit for obvious reasons. Riddick and the moon. Yup, he is that badass and the moon is that freaky.

Stan Helsing
Stan Helsing(2009)

DVD Review

A really dumb film but because of its production value, it stands out to be worth one watch and the musical in the end is at least entertaining.

The jokes are hit and miss and unfortunately use a lot of sex appeal to garner much of its humor. It starts of well and then tires out with the vampire strippers.

The acting is ok for all the actor that was involved. The story at times seemed interesting but then again tired gags and sex jokes make this a trashy rental.

Due Date
Due Date(2010)

From the same people who brought you "The Hangover", you think this would be a worthy add-on. Except it really isnt.

The humor isnt to spot on and is only momentarily funny. Zach nearly plays the same character and Robert damn near plays himself. The road trip isnt all that interesting and at one point figured maybe they end the trip cause honestly it wasnt working out. This film is patient tho. It tries to inspire the audience by piling up event by event to truly make this trip one to remember. But the material isnt worth really remembering. The issue was that it kinda felt like the director wanted to use anything imaginable across the border from texas to california to try and delay this couple.

Filler content would be a more appropriate term.

The urgency can sometimes be questionable and the dad subplot seems out of place.

It wouldve been funny if the trip was shorter and the jokes were funnier. The masturbation scene was hilarious but other scenes were more or less Roberts character being a douche to everyone. It becomes old right after he makes fun of the alleged U.S soldior who works at western union.

The chemistry is there but at some point, I wonder why they travel together when one is a jerk and the other a moron. The equation here never truly works out but alas I enjoyed it enough to give this a decent score.



Eragon is not to bad of a film that tells the story of dragon riders. Classical heros who ride mythical beasts. The writing can be a bit shallow with its horrible dialogue selection, rushed sequences, and a apparent lack of detail. But the characters are interesting and the effects are amazing, particulary the flying scenes through the mountains and the ever ending forest trail.

Not as great as many of us had anticipated and compared to other fantasy epics, well this just doesnt tailor at all. But still a enjoyable ride. And if you love watching CGI dragons..its worth a watch.

Paranormal Activity 2

I cant help but feel bad. Not just to myself but for all of those that enjoy this film.

Paranormal activity does what most horror movies fail to do, and that is suspense buildup. This film masterfully crafts this genuine fear into the audience often waiting for the next jump scare but very little subtle moments and details tend to drive us away from dead cliches that so many directors use.

Other good aspects of this film is that its very linear with story telling and doesn't add to many subplots that are ignorable and misfitted. Its a perfectly fine movie that struggles however with a more or less dumb down ending and lack of back story. You can claim that this film is engineered to be as mysterious as the ghost/demon itself however the aftermath can be quite confusing.

The "thing" about the grandma and her deal with the devil and without spoiling it to much, the events of Katie and Christi's childhood. All too important to miss out but the film ignores it. Leaving us scratching our heads in why this paranormal force is hiding in this families basement.

I think this film tended to focus to much on its fear factor that it forgot about little details that would've made the story far more interesting. I feel like that's nitpicking given the films premise and its intended existence. Nevertheless more could have been done.

In the end this feels like Paranormal 1 but with better/scarier atmosphere. You still hear those loud noises, footsteps, and whatnot but it can become overwhelming after a while.

A good film with familiarity and a solid crossover that becomes overly repetitive and somewhat lacking in story.

Chris Rock: Kill the Messenger - London, New York, Johannesburg

Hilarious till the end. What keeps me from a perfect score is the fact he never uses the rule of exeption.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

I enjoyed it because I get to see Michael Cera actually fight. The visuals are dazzling with its touch of arcade gaming and comic book action while still maintaining a plot that falls onto simplicity about the cliche of Silver Knight to the rescue. Based on a graphic novel, I never quite get how the story really works or how anyone of them can be powered through comical steroids, but the humour matched with the character (nearly the same in every of his film) of Michael Cera, you get a fun film that doesnt lack to much in any genre its supposed to represent.

The action is very outlandish and even cartoonish but exciting, humour is spot on and often creative, and the music of 80's rock matched with techno visuals seems to fit Scott Pilgrim into one of the brightest films of 2010.

The story like I said was very simple. He must defeat the legion that is the 7 X's of the girl of his dreams. Often being hunky guys or even awkward to the extent of one being a female, Scott Pilgrim does what he has to do in order to continue a romantic relationship with the girl of his dreams. Although resiliant and often neglected, in the end, he fights for what he loves.

That might scream a little bit about unfit originality simply because so many films have use this story as a romantic get-go for action flicks but the presentation and a solid narrative makes Pilgrim watchable.

The Expendables

The dialogue was as bad as its jokes and the action was meh compared to the actors previous work. Nothing works here exept you see a bunch of old timers cracking some beers and shooting spanish grunts for the very purpose of really, saving a women that none of them really knows.

Flat story telling and dvd rate sub plots ruin what couldve been a action masterpiece.

Now we know why Jean Claude decided to off himself from this epic.

Your counter arguement could be that action movies dont need story, just raw action. Well to be honest, the action was third rate compared to Rambo, Once Upon A Time In China, Crank, and Die Hard.

Dinner for Schmucks

Pual Rudd and Steve Carrel compliment eachother quite well in this film and share nice chemistry but I feel the sentimental value of the film is to repetetive and clich'ed. Rudd plays as Tim who gets a job offer to jump up six floors with the big boys at his firm but before that, his assignment is to find a schmuck or a total idiot to represent him at the dinner.

At first he feels inclined to do it but his girlfriend played by Stephanie Szostak tells him its a bad idea and he shouldnt do it. This to me plays a small guilt trip for our main hero who would later use this scenerio to capture the glory of human morality later on in the film. A little to unoriginal since its a staple in romantic comedies. But of course Tim wouldnt do it until he sees the perfect schmuck who collects mice and turns them into dead dolls for his own personal use of storylines and history lessons. At one point, there is a brief scene where you get to realize the nature behind the collections of these mice. They were created more so for emotions felt by a man who got shattered by the truth.

In the entirety of the film, you see complete disaster of Tims life through the mishaps of Barry's shortcomings of good deeds. Like the replacement of Tim's girlfriend whos actually the stalker of Tim or where Barry mistakenly accuse Tims girlfriend as the stalker herself. A lot of comedy is thrown around here and it seems to be the only laughs we really get. Barry messes up, Tim suffers, and we laugh. Sure Zach Galifanakis spices up the comedy with mind control antics and the ever depressing "boss with coworkers ex wife" debacle but it never really utilizes anyone else or anything at all to create humor. It focuses to much on the inevtible destructive nature between two men who more or likely are the same person underneath.

One of the reasons why I liked the film was because Tim and Barry shared similiar troubles and the film used that as a subtle emotional chain between the two men. Athough Barry got the thorn, Tim was slowly getting pricked. This made Tim more sympathetic or even hateful torwards Barry until the ultimate forseen conclusion of them all reveals itself. And trust me, you will know.

All in all, Dinner for Schmucks is a funny film but nothing so amazing that it takes our breath away. As long as Steve and Paul are together, they can at least make any comedy worth watching.


Directed by the Dark Knight phenom, this film resonates into what used to be the mans old wisom film Memento. Its mysterious, suspenseful, and exciting. Based on subconcious thoughts, also known as dreams, this riveting storyline that forces its characters to toy with perceptive reality truly defines what seems real at ones perception of things. Kind of like day dreaming.

I liked how our protagonist played by Titanic Star Leonardo Dicaprio plays through these missions with a sort of burden that never sets out until a partner within the inception raid(an idea put into someones head) tells him differently. Its a mission to turn someones thought into anothers favor but never realize that it affects all of them as they venture from dream into a dream within a dream. You can never tell what seems real or what seems farce and that very idea is what made this film as subtle as it is.

Fun and inspiring performances make Inception a nice suspense story that plays with the very idea of deception between our hero and his quest for redemption.

Family Guy - Blue Harvest

Not a big star wars fan but its a pretty good parody of it.


Funny but never quite as good as you hoped it to be. Its a hour and a half long SNL skit that doesnt end with magruber blowing himself up. Any more ideas why it isnt that bad or that good? Because the cemetary scene is hilarious but the gimmicks of sexual humour can be quite overdose.

Iron Man 2
Iron Man 2(2010)

Entertaining summer blockbuster but I cant help but feel that Iron Man 2 is like Spiderman 3. Intriguing but not as strong and witty as the original. Its all explosions and Robert Downey Junior. Nothing new and Terrence Howard didnt make it. A viewful film but otherwise unoticed for amazement.

Robin Hood
Robin Hood(2010)

Strong performances and nice action scenes but it never really showed what made Robin Hood good in the first place. It feels like a sequel and screams watch me sometime soon on a different movie.

Day of the Dead

When the zombies act like near humans with the natural ability to become cerebral. The term zombie, isnt justified. And for that, its not Day Of The Dead. Its Day Of The Mutated. Because genrally, they were not dead. They were poisoned, as you might call it. I will go back to it in a while.

A remake of the original Day of the Dead by Goerge A Romero, this modern zombie type fest with lunatics, oprah drama, and super fast zombies just seem like a ill effect of becoming either falsely creepy or socially enveloped by the epidemic of halloween. Steve Miner, the catalyst of horror spinoffs does nothing new to his resume and instead battle rams the idea of gore and human sexuality. Even if Nick Cannon is in this film, he is used sparingly as a clown or as a hip hop bafoon. Either way, thats just completely stereotypical of Miner.

Like most modern day zombie flicks, the film starts off with teenagers Trevor(Michael Welch) and Nina(Annalynee Mccord) and two others who I dont feel like mentioning, goofing off. This time in some secluded area in a secluded building in which they perform prom kiss rituals to stay as horny as possible. Like we never know this would happen. It is located in leadville Colorado. A small town that has been hit with the flu. Coughing and nose bleeding their way into sickness. We are then introduced to Sarah(Mena Suvari), a military corporal whos job is to seal off her town. Many of whom wants to go to Boulder Rock for better medical care. She then leaves for her sick mother who also has a similiar flu after she forces other town members to turn back.

Two other soldiors Bud(Stark Sands) and Salazar(Nick Cannon) soon after accompanys Sarah in two different time periods. Bud first, who shows a romantic interest and Salazar second in which he acts like a complete jerk till the end. The hospitol, crowded and noisy becomes our first glance at these zombies whos face completely falls apart into the glimps of The Hills Have Eyes. We soon find out that the flu(poison) is the result of the mutation. And like every other zombie film, they run away with whomever, go to the gun shop, and try to survive this seemingly non stop zombie rampage to a point where the zombies even know how to trap their victims. Almost like their super zombies in which the cover of the DVD tells you so. Faster, smarter, stronger.

But without the super zombies, its detail of the actual sickness/flu or when later revealed something else, its plain and otherwise sketchy. And has almost no connection to other zombie films when trying to connect the dots to such a wierd mutation story. These zombies also know how to cooperate and or retaliate to themselves. Which leaves me to question, why wont other zombie films try to do that a little more. To force a blend of anarchy. It would make it a little more fun. I can tell you this as I had above. Its not really zombies, although they do eat flesh, its more like bad X-men.

Even the special effects wear off and looks dull as does with its characters whom each role plays perfectly to its predecessor. One badass, one scared chick and her boyfriend, a bunch of randoms that die soon after, and one person(always white) that leads the pack. Add a cowboy hat and its just another DEAD film from the old classic.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Other than a couple of nice "scenes" (like the pharmacy scene), this film, abused by loud noises and repetitive scares can often be tiring to not some but many. The magic in all of this is that this film represents the modern horror cliche and shows nothing magical about Wes Cravens original. Even when they tried to mimick scenes, it just seems amazingly horrible.

Nice try Michael Bay, for producing a horror mess. Stick with Transformers, at least kids will enjoy your taste.

Troll 2
Troll 2(1990)

Short Review:

I laughed so hard on this crappy piece of shit. Its hard for me to give it a negative review when it made me laugh more then The Hangover did. Its not even intentional. The acting is horrible, the plot is stupid, it has horrible direction, and the writing is flat out ridiculous.



The Losers
The Losers(2010)

What you get is a very funny action movie but the action is not that great. So win/loss for the attempt of being sexy and fast paced like the commercial said it would.


Unless you are a moral parent who thrives on family moral itself, then dont watch this. For the young society who finds bad mouthed little girls kick uber ass, then watch it for the notion that you get excited about a spiderman promo/parody and you get to see Clhoe beat up older men.

Date Night
Date Night(2010)

As told by many, the star engine is powerful enough to cover up the material of boring life turned amazing through preservation and unsuspecting events. Tina and Steve have chemistry and they make this film watchable. Even if Mark Walhberg is the eye candy and Ray Liotta is a horrible gangster.

A story about a couple that no longer carries a spark desperately tries to bring it back. This story is quite formulatic and has become a cliche that married couples are generally boring or even a stereotype. When I came in to watch this film at the cinema, there were two new films attacking the same idea although younger and much more action orientated. So to speak, films about love that requires a few bruises and stiches.

( I wont write to much about this film, I apologize )

Shawn Levy isnt a great director and his previous films make you think he is worthless. Especially when he literally destroyed Steve Martins career with Pink Panther and the aformentioned Pink Panther 2 even though he didnt direct that one. He produced it.

But because Tina does so much to become a desperate but intimidating 40 year old woman and Steve still plays as Michael in the Office, its like watching sitcoms coming together to creat romance in the big screen with overblown actors that are only funny in their respective shows. But hey, I was suprised.

Date Night might not be Gone With The Wind but it is something to giggle and to genuinly enjoy. Why?

Because Tina Fey And Steve Carrol(like mentioned above)does everything that all Shawn Levy had to do was sit there and watch.

Clash of the Titans

Although I liked Liam Neeson and Hades was rock on, this film is better off as a guilty pleasure for those who love GI Joes that fight greek creatures in special effects gore. Its attempt to capture myth magic finds itself in the underworld since all you really get is cheesy cinema with an encore of a kraken that looks like a monster from a video game. But then again, a guilty pleasure that got me to sit in long enough.

How to Train Your Dragon

Its not amazing because its in 3D(which make the flying scenes remarkable) but because the connection between boy and dragon is so in depth and emotionally charged that we forget they're children. Instead, they are ever growing teenagers that explore love through adventure and misfortune. Yes, dragons are people to in a sense that creatures can be domesticated and loved much like we do with our dogs.

The important picture here is not that its abusing graphics but glorifying it through human connection.

Its on my list as a runner up for best animated picture not because of Jay or the dragons, but everything about it. It is possibly the best pet movie you will ever see.

A beautiful piece indeed says the man with no name.

-sorry about the late reviews, i have been hooked on school and league of legends-

Repo Men
Repo Men(2010)

The premise is nice in the sense that liability of debt and health care are sure american problems but it messes itself up in the sense that everything is make belief for the most part and the plot is twisted for the purpose of being contrary to a profession he once endured.

She's Out of My League

The film is formulatic but cute and insightful in the hollywood kind of way. I enjoyed its humour and the chemistry was great. Sometimes, a cheap romcom where nerd meets babe always seems like the way to go.

Alice in Wonderland

The plot seems to be lacked of energy or imagination with the vorpal sword and the dragon, however the visual treat and the adventure of an adult Alice is good enough for the average eye.

Based on a famous novel by Lewis Carrol that doesnt percieve the curiosity or subconscious that Alice would have had if not for Mr. Burton. But Burton does something else. He turns the film(like so many of his other work) into this dark surreal world of crazy visual imagination and using things as dreams and child memories as a direction to the mind of our little Alice played by Mia Wasikowska.

The film starts off with the usual child nightmare to the victorian age of marriage and formal manners. Our Alice is obviously not living up to standards with the unusual repetitive dreams, lack of dress awareness, and the hallucinations of out of the ordinary creatures. So when the film ends, is it really just a dream or is it a phantom reality percieved by hallucinations of a women in emotional distress. Distress caused by teenage hormones and lack of excitement and not lack theorof. Alice has been having these dreams since childhood and it comes back later in the film where Alice carefully traces back her footsteps. Something unexpected and unique in a sense that she has been in Wonderland before but can she remember it. Still, a percieved hallucination and as Alice herself said,

"Its all in my mind."

She still feels the pain and she never wakes up per se. She is forced to end the journey either dead or as a dragon slayer wether she liked it or not. A buffer for the hero to stay longer on screen so that the Hatter(Johney Depp) can develop a romantic interest for Alice and to allow the audience to further hate and consequently embrace the red queen played by Sarah Bonham Carter. A story engine that foolishy can mislead us into thinking that the ending would be something special or ordeal to human manifestations of love. Still, it doesnt do much and we are now dependant on visuals and the ever expected third act that flies off the rack like a magnet and a piece of metal. Why does it so? Because there is no other choice to begin with as we are stuck into the story of the final showdown and the discovery of maturity in Alice. Where pinching your shoulder no longer wakes you up. It takes a vorpal sword and a world that is visually comparible to last year's phenom AVATAR.

We dont have much to deal with but with the ideas that we share as an audience and as much as Burton wants to give us is a treat itself. Burton gives us a Wonderland of creaures and settings that even the Navii would start relocating. Visuals that capture the essence of action and art like a bottle and a note and although the 3D is a gimmick, it does introduce us to some cool closeups which our children would continiously repeat "whoa" over and over again. Is that worth your twelve bucks? Probably.

Peope claim that it lost the heart and magic of the novel, however I do believe that they created their own. The experience of a more adult Alice is something I have been looking for since the cartoon became a classic. The obscenity not usually found in Disney and the colorful advantage of technology is something worth looking for. Transformers 2 doesnt make 800 million dollars for being great. It does what its supposed to. Replicate the original material into terms of popular society. Although movie and novel buffs wont like it much, the majority would find the remake exclusively for them and enchanting as it can be.

The Crazies
The Crazies(2010)

Here is a possibility for future viral infection stories. Although it follows formula with the small town-big burst theme, everything in the middle was spectacular. It was tense and emotionally empowered by human instincts. This is just not any zombie film, its a film about citizens wronged by science and government. Where the term "crazy" is a flux torwards human inequality over life and how big cities has crime but small towns face utter destruction. Why? Its just a hollywood theme to avoid themselves of pop culture in relation to big city failures.

Breck Eisner, a tv director, allows himself to be more fluent with Romero's classic work. Using thematic elements similiar to social commentary seen in Romeros 70's Night of The Living Dead. It allows us to witness behavior during such times like anarchy and extreme decisions that often toys with death. Not because its gore but rather more realistic to survivability that "evolution" is no longer a science term but an action. I liked how the film transpired itself to basic human nature and how we react to tragedies rather then relying on nudity and massive zombie gore. There isnt much gore but when there is, its effective.

Placed in Ogden Marsh, Iowa, a farming community that was suddenly struck with an improper incident. Killing the town drunk and apparently facing a sickness that traces back to a federal plane and complete marshall law. It starts off like most zombie films. With countless citizens questioning authorities with loud sirens and countless conversations as our heroes and heroines try to regroup themselves. For the sake of staying alive and being together. The story surrounds the town sherrif David played by Timothy Olyphant who of last year played in a thriller. Who gives a decent performance in becoming a one man army with his devious but witty deputy Russell(Joe Anderson). His pregnant wife Judy(Radha Mitchell)becomes the inevitable passanger to the road ahead after being saved by her husband in a rather effective scene with a man and a pitchfork.

The film doesnt use heavy gore unlike most slasher films to apply fear or excitement. They use sounds and uneasy scenes. Such as multiple headshots made by u.s soldiors onto the sick. Or the annoying sounds used to electrify suspense. That is where I think the film becomes a little pale. Music becomes a part of our narrative nature to apply suspense but when overused, it becomes loud and lousy. It abuses the sound system to the core and often allows the horrible memories of bad horror films to itch back in. So depressing since basic human fundumentals itself represented in the film was so effectively used. Instead of tension as an airbag, they quickly refer to sounds and distance as a scare tactic. To old and to boring.

The Crazies plays like 28 Days Later and The Hills Have Eyes. These people arnt just crazy but motivated through some form of mechanism. Biological or instinct itself but it lacked consistency so it was hard to tell. One man is clueless but one woman knew what she was doing. A fluke if anything but the clear cut question marks keeps us on our seat. The question marks allow us the audience to assure that this isnt just a government bust but a possible lack of response or belief in one another. It was noted that a plane crashed into the river which is used as the water supply for Ogden Marsh but no one cares to acknowledge it because of the witness history. Sometimes when the boy cries wolf, you have to respond. Otherwise, who's going to come to the rescue. The man in white suits? Angels? No, its yourself and others who may or may not be your friend but is a stepping stone to the revolution of human communication.

Its tense and it works. What more can you ask for.

The Tournament

Short Review:

Not the greatest of films in terms of storytelling and detailed characters but the video game war between worlds sickest men and women just seem so admittingly pleasant. Not sticking to morals here but the trashy flora that this film carries makes it fun to watch despite the horrors of film appreciation so lacking in this film.

Grave of the Fireflies (Hotaru no haka)

Although the term anime master is given to Hayao Miyazaki, Isao Takahata is not very far from behind. This blissful masterpiece that generates sequences through experience and memories, it can suprise many with its heartfelt content. Many times, war films will use destruction as a device to capture the crowd but seldomnly, a few others use imagery and expression instead. Takahata is one of the few. He does'nt use special effect bombs or glowing fires to implement destruction but the sight of enemy planes and the sound of the sirens. Its effectiveness is not found in physical damage(much like what the little girl endures) but physcological damage found only in depressing times.

Takahata(the director & writer) did'nt want the crowd to examine the story nor intend to make it complex. He just wanted us(the audience) to experience what Seita and Setsuko experienced as children in a time where fire was more devastating then it is now. Placed in Kobe, Japan during World War II where american planes will apply air raids across the town to destroy territory and decimate morale. A tactic often used in war.

Throughout the film, it is slowed down to pace and it makes you witness the fires, the farms, the lake, and the sky. As if it was something important. And indeed it can be as life so easily certain can be destroyed through mans greed and demise. The little things have become more sufficient then it was when fires were used for heating and cooking and not grazing homes.

Seita is a young teenage boy who takes care of his sister Setsuko while his mother is sick and his father at sea fighting for the cause. A devotion sort of to family values and what must be done for the cause of survival for further generations. There are several scenes where Sieta will carry his sister because she gets tired or hungry. Slowly walking down each road as he paces with his eyes torward the ground thinking of what to do to just stay alive for another day. This experience is not something so rare but something depressingly real. No ones thinking for him and its a one man war. Everyday is a battle for Seita to ensure their(Setsuko and himself) health and prosperity through acceptable theft and pawn trading. Even though he is breaking the law or is often aggresive, nothing can be said to defend his wrong doing. You actually(as a viewer) want him to succeed. He is our hero but most importantly, he is Setsuko's hero.

This color coated still painting of anmation is sort of lost in todays world and everything is digital rather then hand drawn. Everything is more alive and 3D rather then artistically drawn to each their own visisble emotion. When Popeye walked with that tough guy personality, its almost to comical to watch but you knew he was going to kill someone with those guns(arms). But there is no Popeye and only Nemo whos representation of cuteness panns the once universally acclaimed animation. Where everything was a work of art and not digitally written. Where it takes days to build up and not one hour. Grave Of The Fireflies(although made in 1988) still holds dear to classic animation through sarcastic visual features and tranquil settings with colors through a swift but patient pace. A perfect execution through art and emotional prowress.

Even though at times the film can be uneasy to handle(like when Setsuko eats rocks, not visually seen but mentioned), it does it in such a peaceful way where it does'nt disgust the viwer but to carefully place an arch through one's thought process. To make you believe and feel sorrow rather then to visually see it and clench your body. Its raw execution in it itself is what makes this film so memorable. Its not that its to sad or to depressing but it tells us a story and shows us an experience that everynow and then, we can learn from it.

Yes its anime, yes they have big eyes, yes its foriegn, but get over yourself. This is one of the better animated films to ever come out in the past 50 years. Not since the original Micky Mouse had I ever been so entertained and moved by animation. When Roger Ebert said it belonged in the category as one of the best war films, I was appalled as he should've said "one of the best films of all time".

The Wolfman
The Wolfman(2010)

Although people will be satisfied by the bloodshed and cheap parlor tricks of scares, this dull and phony of a film acted by a-list actors seems out of reach in potential, what can I say, its a utter disapointment.

I had more fun watching those october of an excuse horror fims then this when they(director & writers) intentionally try to take something so destructive and fearless and turn it into something that film amatuers would effortless put into. A scary wolf but one that loses tenacity not because of its lack of action but the lack of a strong script and almost emotionless film because the star vehicle didnt come for the ride.

Directed by Joe Johnston(known for October Sky) whos earlier films do not match any particular horror thriller tries to take the original wolfman based on the famous 1941 version by Goerge Waggner into something of modern horror. However it doesnt fit the style. The wolfman as I can remember it was feared not because he was chasing down men and ripping their throats but because he had a sort of physcological aspect in his movement along with his fur and sharpened teeth and nails, standing as tall as man and as fast as a wolf. Instead of incorporating fear into its character like how Spielberg did with the shark in Jaws and how Carpenter did it with Michael in Halloween, instead it becomes the typical slasher but more cerebral and less reliant on kitchen utensils. In other words, the wolf was horribly used.

But that wasnt the case that got me tired of the film. It was the horrible dialogue that our actors had to bear using and the lackluster performance by argueably some of todays finest. Benicio Del Toro(As Lawrence) was rather lifeless in this film resuling in dull scenerios between him and Emily BLunt(As Gwen Cnliffe, the romantic interest). The one tolerable enough would be Blunt and Hopkins who more or less plays the same character he once embodied in the cannibal series. While Hugo Weaving(As Francis) ensures that the elf in him will rise where he simutaniously seems to intolerate humans. A star driven film that would insure the films failures but they like above did not come through.

The narrative apporach by the film makers to divide man from beast and from ones narcism to the others fear, their attempt went terribly wrong(although nicely initaited) when everything else didnt work. I will although admit being impressed with its visuals and its dark on spot atmosphere, its sheer futile attempts on capturing thrills and scares seems to dependent. With that, they stray away from the important stuff likee characters, plot, and suspense.

When your bitten by the beast, you become the beast but apparently Del Toro did not get the message since the only time he is emerging is when the full moon comes out. During that time, hes spends it by running and shreding. At this point, there is no skill and no excellence, only minimal impressions by amazing actors who have more fond for accent and costumes then being in front of the camera. At one point at the end of the film, Lawrence says "thank you" and something suddenly happens which is up for you to find out. But trust me, once you find out, its so foolish, especially for a director like Joe.

500 Days of Summer

A clever and humerous romcom about two different romantic philisophers. One is reality and the other fairy tales. Which is which is up for debate but this off tone quirkiness to the romantic novelty of two entirely different people make the 500 day experience heartfelt and hilarious. Filled with exeptional contemporary music of Regina Spektor and crafty rock by The Smiths, Marc Webb's first feature film debut speaks volumes of his experience of music, animation, and fine execution that doesnt require the 500 days to last over two hours. Instead, its a mere experience that allows people to reinterpret romance into their own ideal and that fate is a senile way to see life.

Tom (protrayed by Gordan) is a gift card writer whos life is found hopeless and dreamlike until the girl he's been waiting for is introduced during a meeting. Summer(Deschanel) is a down to earth, independent women who happens to be Tom's dream girl and through several encounters intertwine their perspective through 500 days that seemingly never ends for Tom but its an experience he's been waiting for.

Tom believes that love is fate and can be found so dearly that pop music and gift cards can spell it all the time while Summer believes it to be folklore and that the harsh reality is that being to serious leaves scars. Toms belief happens to fit well with the post Margaret Mitchell, 21st century contrary belief of love on sight. To be politically correct of course. While Summer's belief requires a in depth human mind to reconsider the fouls of love and that a complete connection will leave the human soul punished until they are truly ready for it. More likely the belief of being compromised by democracy and the free willy hippy movement or before Reagan became president. Watching the two living through a relationship that has little or no consistency makes it hard for americans to believe they are still together but like the hopeless america/suckers for love persona, the complete depressing showing of Tom eludes to the fact that Tom clearly wants to be with her.

But the problems between the two oddly enough is never the conflict. The conflict were the awareness of the two in believing that two entirely different socialistic views on romance will never ever fit but they do so because friendship has its quirks and its tacky to have sex with a man and not have some form of bond beyond "just friends". Its like having a hooker but one that doesnt cheat on you(unknowingly for the victim) and often calls you for comfort. That is why I would guess this film is so original in it itself. Its not confrontation, love, hate, and then love again that so many traditional romcoms so often use. A formula so repetitive that its so easy to be critical of them.

500 Days Of Summer has really nothing to do with the seasons but its symbolic nature of human/seasonal representation due to the characters actions make it seem somewhat a feel good notice and that in the end, someone else meets Autumn. Also part of the season but nothing to do with leafs falling. Rather more with the evolution of our head character Tom that coincidence and fate are two entirely different things. That not just anyone can become your "number one". It has to be developed. Its personal reality fits so well with our modern culture that romcoms now a days ignore because they believe fantasy is the way to go much like pop songs and gift cards. Its so nice to see that hollywood still has something left in the jar that at first seemed empty of ideas.

Jesus Camp
Jesus Camp(2006)

Disturbing about the evangelicist using political tactics to overwhelm the weak minded and curious. Fairly even documented, presenting both sides of the pole. Right wing or left wing, this socialistic view on religion and politics can sure shake up viewers without the over abundance of bible gospel.

Thought provoking but who knew pastors wanted their kids to become freedom fighters. Even if it doesnt require them to wield AK-47s. In reality, they carry a big stick, that stick being themselves.

Four Christmases

A amazing set of cast but when Vince Vaughn's dialogue doubles that of every other character, it just pisses you off to the curb. Reese does everything here to try to be cute and clumsy but her charm dissappears from the Vaughn experience that uses an assortment of screams and one liners. Talk about spending christmas with four families that oddly enough don't look to happy spending time with little Vaughn but then who does. Talks forever and interupts because he has to be funny.

A horrible romcom about a couple who do no want anything to do with their families but for whatever reason despite the offsetting experience, they change into a loving courtesy that represents their families. It doesnt make sense but wondering is always the trick to human evolution. But since these people are adults and well aware about their concerns, its just not going to fly with me.

Wrong Turn 2: Dead End

Considering that the original Wrong Turn "filled with cliche fest" was extremely intolerable, this gorey but goofy flick that takes shots at reality television and inbreds makes the experience seem amendable. Its cast is superficial characters of common reality personalities along with premarital druggies found in slasher flicks. A blend of both that oddly enough fits well in this theme which seperates being the victim into pretending to be something of a victim.

Its shot to be a blair witch type project/Friday the 13th but fails to complete the sequence of thrills because we're to busy watching incest. Its a silly flick that has a complete criteria of gore and sex but lingers on the fact that it is a new fresh of ideas to the slasher genre. Adding reality t.v show to the already tired themes of forest music, girls being slutty, and people dying to easily.

To compliment this film makes me throbble and striking this film seems innapropriate. Its just enough to satisfy gore fans and stupid enough to laugh at its attempt of humour and glorified action that requires people to run, trip, cry, and slash. Its nothing of new and uses the cliches of the past to solidify our taboo.

Not the greatest thing to ever happen but looking at it with great potential, it seems to make more sense to at least watch it once. Its fun, kind of, but almost intolerable much like the original.

Edge of Darkness

Based on the BBC television series Edge Of Darkness, Martin Cambell(who did the series for a moment) does a great job in utilizing Mel Gibson as a vengeful father and brings the elements of crime drama and political curroption to good detail and faith. Mel Gibson alone isnt to bad either and his age(although sometimes fondled) seems to be oblivious to his intensity and determination much like Liam Neeson in Taken. Only bad part is that there isnt any badass phone monologue.

Mel Gibson is Thomas Craven. A veteran police officer whos daughter gets murdered in his front porch. Dealing with obstacles like political parties, corporation secrecy, and the usual element of "guys in black suits". Nothing is coherent about killing teenagers for simply speaking out or trying to but I guess certain exeptions are applied. Much like this world where free speech is given but in many cases rather policed. Edge of Darkness might push a few buttons but its still a thrilling ride and this revenge theme seems more and more popular each minute. Even though many cliches and memories come to play.

There are times in the film where you see Craven reminiscent with his daughter in both as a child and a women. A nice buildup since it didnt have much in the begining. That couldve possibly given this film a lighter touch on hollywood sensuality and to further prove Craven as a emotional man. We all are to a point.

There is fast paced violence and b movie dialogue along with interesting characters; Edge of Darkness isnt a trepiditon of revenge or something of super natural cause(Craven seeing his dead daughter), it is something about being humane or a father. The sole purpose of treating people better or more servingly of compassion is what turns Edge of Darkness from being a dark police drama to something of natural freedom. Darkness is there but light can be found when a man like Craven comes around every now and then and honestly, we need more of them.

Its a nice make up for revenge flicks. Not so many of them have been doing good. Mel Gibson returns in great form with qualities of the old Clint Eastwood and he turns the show into something of excellence. Superb but some can argue its time length and dragging moments.

One of them being the fact that the victims are killed precisely and on time. Its almost impossible to think that employees are being watched as potential terriost but I guess everything has a first time. And even if they are a terriost, there is one scene(girl being rammed by car) that just makes you think that maybe it was all a coincidence. The amount of dialogue can bore you as I tend to mope around after a while but its worth it at the end.

Although not the best Mel Gibson picture, it does have action, emotion, and a informative plot that follows through with tranquility. Its griddy and at times, heartfelt. Something hollywood needs for the end of the decade celebration.


Mary and Joseph against God and his angels. This bible themed sci fi thriller doesnt seem to progressed with a well thought out story. Instead, they make it complex while inserting countless dialogue to make up for time and character flaws. Am I not the only one sitting anxiously for the dialogue to end just so I get to see people get blown up by guns and explosives? Probably.

Legion is a great example of a dialogue heavy Taratino flick but the difference is there was no fire to the words. There was no flare or excitment. No joy and no laughter other then senior citizen abuse and the use of curse words. Its a failure but the idea of having God going against a second coming just makes it seem all that humerous.

Legion takes place in a middle of nowhere probably in the Arizona or Nevada desert with a diner that is compromised by old technology and trailer trash whos baby is the only thing left mankind has to offer. Amazing enough or is it just dubious. It has a nice set of cast with the likes of Kate Walsh, Tyrese Gibson, Lucas Black but they are hardly as effective as they can be. Settling with cliches and low self esteem conversations.

Its nice to know that as angels, their weapons are guns and they are owned like pets with little neck braces who in their own way control the weak minded like demons. There comes a time (And it does) when someone needs to say that these angels are not the angels we are looking for. And as of current, we are out of business. It gets touchy feely torwards the end with glorifying scenes of beaming light torwards a city as if God has brought them a gift when really he was trying to kill them.

It doesnt have any business being what it was. It had really no right to dismantle the bible into a film so cartoony that productively, Uwe Boll's House Of The Dead seemed more appropraite. The characters were fun to watch and the story although shaky was fine but through its entire execution of emotional drawbacks, it really becomes more and more of T.V film influenced by biblical history and sitcoms with supernatural as themes. Its just not fit to be where they were and the recent X-men films seems to have more value.

Legion is a bygone film with the energy of Rambo, the intelligence of couragous men, and the impact of kids in High School Musical. Humerous with a few thrills and nice destructive action but falls flat to obvious hollwood endings and the fact that through it all, god still fails.

The Spy Next Door

This film is a target audience. It doesnt elevate its game nor transcends into something spectacular. This is not a amazing film nor even decent but because Chan does so much to make this the least entertaining, I guess we can all appreciate for what it has to offer.

Almost like a spoof to True Lies, Jackie plays as Bob, a pen importer who has a other life. Consist of spies and russian mobs. He is in love with his neighbor Gillian(Amber Valletta) who has three kids as annoying as the Von Trapp children. Bob tries to shine with the kids in order for marriage to be possible. Where he takes the role of Pacifer, like how Vin Diesel tarnished his name. But unlike Diesel there is a certain aura to Chan. Despite broken english, his charm and physical attributes prove to save this film from complete disaster. Without him, it couldve been worse. Especially when Chan affiliated himself with the Tuxedo.

This is a childrens film and it remains to be so for the entirety. With mashed up gags and slapstick as humour. Nothing is expected here exept to witness Jackie perform a few stunts(which still amazes me). His skills may have vanished but when being compared to others, he can still do stuff that most people cant. There were cute scenes and mild action. What more can you ask for? Its Jackie Chan. Comedic approach to martial arts and physical abuse infuenced by Charlie Chaplin. There is no secret to what this film was going to be. You can see it from a mile away.

There were times when you rolled your eyes or simply closed your eyes into laughter in wondering why a man like Jackie would even be in this film. But look it at this way. There are films that are designed for a single audience and when executed in a correct way, it can be appreciated or tolerated. This is this type of film. Its a kids film but with Jackie Chan as the star, the possibilities are endless.

Despite the messy cliches, this was a fun film to enjoy. A family picture that doesnt quite become Pixar but its definantly a guilty pleasure. With Chan, its possible to forgive the ugliness because he is like Brett Favre to the NFL, Shakespear to literature, and Steven Spielberg to hollywood. Besides, who doesnt enjoy the bloopers in the end?

Wrong Turn
Wrong Turn(2003)

Think Cabin Fever, Hills Have Eyes, Blair Witch, and even Friday The 13th. These films are all commodities to the film Wrong Turn. It was the influence of forest cliches and mutated villians. Its because of hot babes, questionable acting, and lack of suspense and fear that makes the audience wonder why we continue to wacth these type of films. And I will tell you why. We are suckers for cheap thrills. We really are and no one can prove otherwise.

Eliza Dushku is a fine actress and sometimes has a certain persona respectable enough to value her as an actor. She plays as Jessie. A tough girl who meets Mr. Speedracer Chris(Desmond Harrington). Let me tell you a little backstory of Wrong Turn. It takes place in the mountains of West Virginia. Hikers have been missing yet our victims dont seem to care or they just dont pay attention. And of course a man meets a women and the journey for life and death for the courtesy of love jumpstarts this Forest Have Eyes chill fest.

It didnt do the film justice by showing our sick killers but it did excite me for the moment with certain close up scenes in particular with the victim. One of them being a crossover to a womens eye which she witnesses the two monsters chopping up a victim. Nice scenes are rather irrelevant when seeing the big picture as some sort of a ripoff. And it really is but you have to enjoy its technique and its dubious attempt. Dont know if thats a good thing but its certaintly something worth applauding since theres nothing to applaude for.

Wrong Turn is rehashed and doesnt seem to qualify for originality but given its material, its sometimes merciful for us to say that "maybe its bad but for what it is, its tolerable". And maybe after the hour or so, we can say that with no pain. Its not the greatest thing ever but its country feel with a horrible stereptype of hillbillies can sometimes be humerous or sometimes foolish. What I'm trying to say is that despite its fouls, there can be a sort of kick out of the foul. The movie isnt guaranteeing anything exept to maybe scare you once or twice but the babes and the woods are enough to capture our sense of cheap thrill apetite. This movie is a cheap thrill and I can honestly admit that I could enjoy it from time to time with exeptions of course. Its technically a bad film but a decent bad film.

Its not as scary as Friday The 13th, or as suspenseful as Halloween, or as effective as Cabin Fever, or as provoking as Hills Have Eyes. But because its so cute trying to be....I guess we can hang our hat on it.

The Book of Eli

Eli is the man and the book belongs to ELi. We all know that right? You dont know much about the book exept its a bible of some sort and can be used as a weapon. Sort of how christians today use their bible.

It has a great start, interesting midpoint, but a ending that quite makes the jounrney seem unworthy of attention let alone preceding scenerios of amazing action and bleached settings. It certaintly has a nice twist. Definantly something unexpected but its quite something avoidable. Its not interesting, thats for sure and the hysteria of the book seems more or more cartoonish or basically a complete fraud.

Denzel Washington plays as Eli, a man whos dead accurate and is much deadlier with a machete then Jason Vorhees. Simple man with one objective. Heading out west but apparently no one wants him to. Because there are like 50 bad guys who just appears for the simple task of pissing off our hero or simply stalling the inevitable. We all know what happens, its almost forseen whats going to heppen. Somehow, he's gonna magically kill all of them through hand to hand combat and machete sword fighting. He's never going to lose or even get hurt because the film wants him to go out west. And we want to see him walk simultaneously on a deserted road for 30 minutes of the film. And during the walk, there might be a bandit there and there or even a women in distress. You know, the classic west.

The film is directed by the Hughes Brothers and with their history, its safe to say that this is their most daring film to date. Not because its violent but because it captures the sort of reality concerning apocalyptic futures. There is no longer paper money but bartering, there isnt any governers but mobsters , and there isnt any well behaved societies. Its selfishness to its very core of dictionary explanation. You can count on that when the first town is introduced. It starts with a beautiful overhead shot of a road torwards the town(filled with damaged cars) and then onto a sort of Clint Eastwood/Chuck Norris town where everyone stares carefully at the stranger out of town. A town that carries possibly two of the remaining beauties in the entire world.

One is Mila Kunis and the other is Jennifer Beals. Milas character Solaris shows courage and toughness in the town but almost unnervingly cripples on the outside. Are the bandits the same in the town and out of the town? Not quite sure but it definantly worth noticing. While Jennifer is blind and is completely useless till the end where she has a nice little scene of triumph. But the two were sweet enough to show up in a sausage town.

Its preachy and its gaudy but its often to bold and at times unrealistic. Washington does enough with his down to earth voice, awesome glare, and intimidating presence but succumbs to the back breaking ending and lack of logic. I like the near black and white approach which makes the screen a little more vivid to its own atmosphere and I also like the post apocalyptic view but it seriously downgraded itself from amazing subject to a dull story.

Not a whole lot to view here exept the fact that everyone wears shades and will kill anyone for clothing and kitchen utensils. Sometimes I must acknowledged that despite being a little disappointed, I had to smile for its raw execution of action scenes and the scenery of what could be. This in every right is definantly a "what couldve been" film.

All About Steve

Its so bad yet so sweet. A actress is asked to do so many depressing things that we forget wether she is just crazy or really just depressed or both. Steve was her man, she was the stalker, and everyone else were the inmates of a really bad suprise party. You know those inmates that mess up the the suprise call and the event wasnt as effective? Well its like that. DJ Quals seem so helpless, Katy Mixon is so perky, and Thomas Haden Church(Sandman from Spiderman) stepped into the wrong set.

So its about a puzzle writer called Mary who found Steve during a blind date. Steve doesnt like her but she likes him. She follows him to every hotspot in the west coast to the mid west where she talks twice the dialogue of every other character with her red boots and mary poppins umbrella. In states that hardly requires umbrellas. She is unusually smart but never smart enough to figure out that Steve doent have the hots for her and never realizing that maybe she is a little wierd. She is always to compromised by her feelings that she will do anything to get Steves attetion. Maybe that part is the sweet part but because Sandra does a poor job and Bradley shows utter fear of even acting in front of Sandra, the sweet slowly vanishes.

The jokes really dont work exept for the live feed and everything always seem unfair to Mary that we feel sorry for her. Maybe that was the intention but then there is sorry and then there is pity. Two different scenerioes and you have to wonder, why did The Hangover Bradley Cooper get himself to even show up at work day when he realizes(or shouldve) that the writing, story, and complimentary characters just didnt work out. All about Steve is almost menacing to toy with the term stalker and its so childish that we completely ignore that Sandra was in Speed and Bradley Cooper was in The Hangover.

Horrible but deserving of pity. The final monologue of "finding someone as normal as you are" seems cute and when reinterpreted as simply finding someone with commons makes it seem real to our complicated life. A brief message that was delivered effectively by Sandra Bullock believe it or not. Maybe it wasnt a Bob Costa finale but it deserved a small applaude.

Its deservingly crappy but its sensitive and pityful but that doesnt mean its good. Its still bad, very bad but you had to admire a degree of it. Especially when everyone apologizes at the end.

Jason X
Jason X(2002)

At one time in Jason X, a female says a certain line that I should bring up.

"This sucks on so many levels"

I am not sure if she was saying it because she was dragged by gravitional space or she realized that after a hour has passed, what you have seen is merely a profound disaster set in space with a modified Jason who more or less is in the same film since the late 70's. Disaster is what this film is from the beginging all the way to the end.

The film starts of with a sort of "Alien" sequence in a secluded area in which Jason is tied and placed in cryopreservation. Frozen but like all sci fi thrillers, something always happen. Always a disaster or a mistake which concludes to some hyper sleep which ends up 400 years later. Seem more confusing then ever but what ends up more confusing is that despite the immense technology, Jason is never really killed and common sense has never participated in this film. Jason was to cunning that he knew where people were and knew when to attack, almost hitting the right notes to further distress our victims. With no pro thinking whatsoever from any point of view. He just kills a dozen of horny students, a money hungry teacher, and prideful grunts. Where msot of them scream and some fight back. Interesting but badly executed.

There is no lake and no camp. Just a spaceship. Wether this is a direct sequel or a spinoff is not of question but wether if Jason can ever die or will someone just blow him up to pieces. That thought was never put to mind as people were to worried with details and compromising deaths. Like fire sqaud, electric chair, and poisoning. Actually, the whole cast was written to simply blast him apart with high power futuristic guns. But never once tried to blow him up. Common sense is not respected. Nothing is respected. Just cold blooded killing and a fierce Jason whos bent on killing just anyone because mommy died.

There is no retrospect of his life other then what I have already told you. This film holds no bold statement and relies to much on man slaughter. Sex and greed plays a huge part but the story is to dull and the characters to forgettable. Its not creative and it doesnt capture fire. All it does is relinquish old cliches by making them even more annoying. Or to modify it to a degree of great travesty. Even the steel armor and the slick machete is never respected because everything was so bad. We were simply at lost at this imagination of a horror. It greets and beats like every other Jason film. It doesnt hold and doesnt excite the faithful fans. It just makes them more impatient.

Jason X is the perfect example of how to turn a great horror phenom into something foolish and pathetic. Not even the nice crystal lake sequence in the end can do enough to get the monkey of the back, ironically.

The Fifth Element

Maybe its not Star Wars or Star Trek. Maybe it doesnt have the complications of sci fi opera. Its really just a goofy looking comic book written by children but in its own way oddly enough was enjoyable. Humans last straw against unspecified forces called Shadow and a savior whos speaks a language that seems forced and highly improvised. But this Bruce Willis promo add seems more then just kicks and special effects. It has a special element. A rather unique element that partakes in our thought process. One that gradually slows everything down so we can settle. That element you say? Special effects? No, not even the bold acting of Ian Holm. That element ladies and gentlemen is a very "constructive" story not without its religious ambitions and scientific dreams. Oh how they cross eachother. Although you will find, that its quite complicated the story is.

Bruce Willis protrays as the dumped Taxi Cab driver Korben Dallas who is a retiree from the military. Like most common retiree stories, this starts and finishes like we hoped it would. Like surrendering into the mission because of a women and gradually have line of deliveries for the comedic effect and to have the ending as well as the girl. But its builds nicely. From the temple with a post apocolyptic tablet into a futuristic world with flying cars and aliens. Easily combined for a spiritual science action flick. It has nice structure but its inhabitants are nearly single minded or oblivious to their actions. And sometimes what you hear and see is really a downplay for human necessity.

Dont tell me that a supreme being called the fith element played by Milla Jovovich(whos name is also Leeloo) starts having emotional relapses because she came into human contact. A supreme being does not become human in any shape or form. Yet so fragile and so childish she is for the most part of the film until triggered by a sensual ending in which reminds you that James Bond always gets the girl. But the awkward part was Leeloo who was not born like she was. She was made, seems complicated and I really cant explain. But the one thing that troubles me the most is how a man can return to such a place in which he planned to bomb it. People say stones well then he screwed himself and might as well face the consequences and let the heroes do the work. Yet again, so oblivious. Its so nicely built until it falls apart because the players were incorrectly played. Thus the term goofy. Nice visuals and nice story but so completely incompetent of showcasing character development. Or for the lack of better term, weak execution.

Still, the Fifth Element plays like a programed show of the old but fixated with new characters however same elements. Where sci fi is no longer interested in artwork and scientific accuracy but continuity of generalized science fiction in hollywood. Where everything is drawn upon gun fights, sex, and love. The three memo's for every film known to man with a PG-13 or higher stamped on it. It wouldve been nice to have known Leeloo or how it was possible she came to play or how she survived. It wouldve been nice to see Korben actually meet people instead of trying to get out of trouble everytime he's on screen. Or waiting for trouble. This is just another Bruce Willis Flick(AHEM Die Hard) but in space. Women in distress and big bad Bruce must do everything. Like I said, weak execution to such a promising storyline.

Despite the lack of creativety(with the exeption of a nice ancient elemental story and nice looking visuals), the film can suprise many that its goofy fun. The blue paint looks like it was edited out of a 60's classic alien abduction film and most women have no purpose but to scream, get naked, and have orgasms in the blight of danger and plot description. It may acutally not suprise you for its lack of punch but it has value. Very small but enough to ignore what couldve been.


Daybreakers plays like a dracula pic in which vampires are somewhat revered or the only possibility. Most of them for the reason of immortality. Its never geared to be a Twilight spinoff or a Vampire Diary cheapskate. Its somewhat of a B movie with the regards of vampire/zombie manifestation, simple dialogue, and the story of preservation.

Its dark and often humerous in its own inferior way. Plays each character like a bowling pin ready to get knocked out by evil lord played by Sam Niel who in his own way is never really to over compensated by greed but by fear. Where humans are victims of the land of the dead and the vampires are hungry terriosts.

What makes Day Breakers enjoyable is because it leaves the genre into a wide open panel of ideas. Things about the sun and the world becoming completely vampire frenzy. The twist and turns this film heads into every time a new character is introduced or when the plot thickens. Ethan Hawke does a good job protraying the blood doctor Edward Dalton who in his own way has a sort of poutiness to his emotional routine. Often staring at the ground and seemingly murmuring to himself. But once you know his real story, you can pout with him.

However this film has immense problems dealing with political propaganda and execution of action. The world is rather being dominated by a business who owns a military while the world dissovles into anarchy and complete starvation because no one allowed humans to have sex. Its almost comical how no one found the simple answer of reserving humans much like we people are reserving endangered species. It does well by giving real time reactions to blood substitutes kind of like how smokers deal with nicotine substitutes. They get overgrossed by store market samples instead of the real deal. We get it but the real solution is never discussed other then a couple scenes. Which more or less shows the disappearence of human bodies as their blood is completely drained or farmed out. In most regards, this film drops the insanity and turns into sanity. The obvious into the dazed and confused.

No one really does anything but hunt down the doctor. And for what? A man who failed to find a substitute? Seems more hollywood interested with romantic subplots and the obvious end around. But the idea of being a vampire is as cool as being a smoker seems quite interesting in social commentary. And I think thats why I enjoyed it. It was like watching a bunch of kids fighting for drugs while the police just ran away. Away and away they go. Doing nothing but finding a cure for people who wanted to be vampires in the first place. See how this goes? Becomes quite silly. Its like drug rehab but it only takes a moment.

Daybreakers is a new way of introducing vampires however after being forseen with teen flicks with hot british models pretending to be vampires. Its more raw and violent(like in the past) while almost never maintaining the sexual presence of our previous vampires. Everyone were simply junkies that need blood narcotics who would kill to get it. Much like 30 Days Of Night. Vampires were meant to be scary not pretty. They were meant to terrorize not love. And thats why Day Breakers gets a break. Especially when William Dafoe is our accomplice of heroism. But especially when the real vampires return to the big screen.

Creative and thoughtful but a little offsetting once you get around it but its attempt is good enough for us to appreciate after the likes of Twilight and other gajillion independent vampire flicks.

Jason Goes to Hell - The Final Friday

This film trashes everything Jason was made off. His brawn presence and his uncanny ability to creep on victims while slaughtering them in fashionable ways. Instead of being a slasher flick which this title has lived on, it turned away from the creepy forest music and into the supernatural phenomena. With the book of dead and ritualistic daggers. And a bloodline and whatnot. Confusing the Jason legend with Vorhees kin and a unusual plot theory of ressurection. It says Jason is going to hell and I hope this series stays there. Because this latest trash aint worth it. Nice intro and somewhat of a anticlamactic ending(no one said beaming light) which can make this relatively fun for the short time but everything else is so bad that Jason himself wanted to go to hell, personally.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Effectively creepy with a nice touch of visual flair and for once our victims are considered crazy and will continue to be so because in the end, no one knows.

Friday the 13th Part VIII - Jason Takes Manhattan

When people are being brought back to life by electrocution and the idiot victims have hardly any training whatsoever in reflexes, this becomes yet another dumb Jason Flick. Nothing new exept New Yorkers ignore what seems like a odd looking man, who knows maybe Jason is a brother to them.

Alien Resurrection

Why Ripley wont die is beyond me but how they keep bringing her back makes each Alien film special. Its not great but its effects and its action are grade A. And for your information, no Alien film can beat Ridley Scotts nor Camerons version but they can always be fun. The white thing at the end was wierd.

Cidade de Deus (City of God)

It may not be easy to watch this film many times, but its effectiveness is beyond anything I can think of. Its editing, motion capture, and performances are all top notch and possibly one of the more real films this decade. City Of God sounds like a powering city but its more criminal power then anything else. Its almost impossible to live in this life and it hardly presents a choice. How these kids grew makes me sad, where they lived makes me puke, and how no one did anything makes it even less inspiring. But sometimes, its the reality of it that not every country is as good as the screen saver says it is.

The film surrounds a ensembled cast most notably Rocket(Alexandre Rodrigues) who narrates the story through several timelines puzzeled together through different point of views which I thought they did wonderfully. He is the center of the city and the one that made it famous. The life is mostly slums filled with drug addicts, gang lords, and runts who possess a need for petty crime. Where most people are borned to become delivery boys for the drug ring. The story slowly unravels itself through many characters(all well told and detailed) as each character connects themselves to the other and why not when they live so close and work to bleed for eachother. Everyone is a suspect and or a enemy. Its almost impossible to trust anyone and rich people will never dare to enter the city, even police. Its dark nature and nasty desire makes it a nightmare for anyone.

A well made film with great camera work that exploits what can be so wrong in this world that not everything has a happy ending nor does it start happy. The children scared but also relentless because they have to. Fear can only get you killed in these slums and the film made it perfectly clear that you need a stone kidney and a iron stomach to deal with this. One scene that troubled me was when a gangster forced a child to kill another. A child no older then possibly eight and his tears are so woefully tiring to a point where someone had to end it.

Its not easy to really say how it all started and no one will know. Its secret lies within each dead victim and every time someone cries and mourns, another replaces and then gets wasted. Its almost like a assembly line specified for crime and hate. Its not natural but the City Of God was never natural to start with.

Some can call it the brazilian Scar Face but theres no Stallone who comes out screaming "Say hello To My Little Friend", rather its a lot of little friends who have nothing else to do then to ruin eachothers life. Its not pleasant but its excitingly gruesome and each minute counted for what seems like a dead ending anyway. Its enticing and provoking then anything I have seen filled with great sequences(like the apartment scene) and characters. We have to feel sorry for them at some point. Even though they are disgusting killers, one can argue.... that it wasnt their choice to being with.

Diary of the Dead

I like how it exploits humans as dirty mischiefs, especially in America but the handheld camera voodoo works well mixing up scares and tension quite well. But then again, are all humans rednecks that shoot zombies for fun? Probably, cause I would. Maybe...who knows. Love playing zombie video games so why not?

The style works, the humour works, and the dialogue works. Everything so average but somewhat cunning makes this a tad bit more enjoyable.

Alvin and the Chipmunks

Its a childrens film that offers no excitement or humour for adults, rather more of free filled gags to make children giggle because Alvin talks funny.

Its to cute to be loved only to be cuddled and there is no plot that has any sort of spice which can make My Name Is Earl look masterful. Its to formulatic like most childrens films but it follows to many guidelines without taking shots. It has to do this and that without any in betweens.

As cool as Alvin can be at times(trying to offer relationship tips), he's never a fully lovable character. He's just messy and ignorant. We dont really care much for these chipmunks but because they have a distorted voice and that they can sing christmas songs, we all say aweeee and leave without a scratch.

However its innocence makes it tolerable and the fact that we do usually laugh every now and then(forced or not), its not to bad for itself, considering what it was going to be. I dont really have a interest for the squekel but when it comes out on DVD, I might check it out for kicks.


Liam neeson and Lauren Linney prove their worth with terrefic performances as a couple who thrived on being geeky but with such determination of sex education. A man so ambitious that it overwhlemed his life but his extremity was never overlooked because of his intelligence. Only Kinsey wouldve done what he did, and therefor, only Neeson couldve done only what he did.

Friday the 13th, Part VI - Jason Lives

Interesting and provoking then the others and quite effective in mirroring Jasons image in every way they can. Yes its almost the same then the others but after a few films, this Tommy character becomes likeable for his insanity and obsession for Jason but also pity. Jasons much stronger now and they use him well.

Kiss of the Dragon

Its because of Jet Li, Bridget Fonda, and Tcheky karyo that this film was made possible to be enjoyed. Its premise is not so polite to the french, its development to slow, and the action was all it was to savor for. But incredible performances and great choreography makes this entertaining.

Black Christmas

I am going to be clear that isnt a great film and yes its probably a extreme flop when compared to the original back in 74 and as it seems, most remakes dont make the cut. But due to its nature of suspenseful slashers, it does just quite enough. Explaining the story of Billy and puzzling the story together while little sorority girls die one by one. I agree, the characters are dull with horrible dialogue and the antagonist is purely over written to be much more then it is but as a slasher film where suspense of the killer and the progression of the story along with its steady one by one scenerio is quite enough to filler its usual cliches. Its not to extreme exept it makes the christians ponder about pagen misinterpretations but as a blood gut thrust. It doses the correct amount, enough to enjoy the premise while not being to overly blown or bored away.

Sherlock Holmes

Based on a fictional character by Arthur Conan Doyle, this adaption of british intelligence and scientific prowess makes this christmas fun to enjoy without to much filler. After celebrating my christmas that was worth my entire paycheck, I went to check out the latest Robert Downey Junior performance. Since last years Iron Man and Tropic Thunder, I was more or less impressed with his comedic approach to films. Making such characters like Starks and Lazuras basically spellbinding. And with Sherlock Holmes, the spell was no different as it binded the audiences for its ridiculous time lentgh(2 and half hours). It may not be a AVATAR or a DISTRICT 9 but its certaintly one of the years funnest films.

The film starts of with Holmes and Watson(Jude Law) trying to prevent a ritual sacrafice. Upon so, you are met by the films villian Henry Blackwood. Captured and then executed. Through which our two buddies once again tries to recapture the resurrected villian(somehow and later explained) that is claiming to be using black magic to rule the world by controlling Londons best and the Temple of the Four Orders. Blackwood isnt well known leaving gaping plot holes but the execution of the entire format of the cat and mouse game becomes quite a drug in which we sit there patiently for each clue to come up and how Holmes can magically solve puzzles by acknowlodging the most simple details like mud on a show or evidence left unburned. Holmes is clearly fascinating but his costars, not so much.

I did like the chemistry between Watson and Holmes, regarding the male bond of bromance. But Rachael Mcadams who plays as the femme fatale Irene is simply put there to set up giggles and to show off the glowing shoulders that Mcadams has. With hardly any accent and the only postive is when she blinks, this dull character serves no purpose then to be road kill on a uneccesary sub plot.

As I enjoy Holmes and his quest for scientific explanations to magic and of course his experiements to the dog, I had always forget the surroundings of each set beautifully put together to represent the victorian age and the rise of industrialism. Dark and gloomy London has been in the film with hardly any sunlight. I noticed that most of the film had rainy like skies. Which I guess sets the mood.

Sherlock Holmes is a adventure story of the finest detective to ever live. The conquest of love and regret as well as the reverence for technical mastery although Watson would always interupt. Its a fun film glorified for chemistry and police stories. A well made play to invert politics from parliment to complete dictatorship. Guy Ritchie has never really been a story guy but his uncanny ability to make action enjoyable and adventures promisingly exciting makes him a rather under rated director. But as we would all say, Robert Downey Jr. is this Movie. And therefor the only reason why we watch it.

Species: The Awakening

Species has been reawakened for the effort of grabbing mens attention to aliens. Where the word nerd or geek doesnt stick on. It doesnt add a whole new dimension or flavor to the mix. Its the same old but with a plot that doesnt require to much sexuality. Its more of growing old and giving someone life. New life. I like the setwork and the performances wasnt to bad but the lack of imagination is really killing me.

Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane (Plane Dead)

Extremely silly and the fact that someone would package a zombie into a civilian plane just makes it unbelievable.

Trailer Park of Terror

I like how this is trying to be the next Evil Dead but just no spark to its humour nor is it creepy. Its just rocking hillbillies and sexualized druggie teens.


Although hilarious on its zombie cliches and its sporadic apprach on danger, this near wily australian low budget spook film doesnt seem to inspired on holding a audience. It captures the cheap stuff but lets go of the good stuff into the midst of ridiculous gore and confusing mix of aliens and zombies.

But the triple shotgun was nice.

Undead Rising

Although hilarious on its zombie cliches and its sporadic apprach on danger, this near wily australian low budget spook film doesnt seem to inspired on holding a audience. It captures the cheap stuff but lets go of the good stuff into the midst of ridiculous gore and confusing mix of aliens and zombies.

But the triple shotgun was nice.

Friday the 13th, Part V - A New Beginning


1. Boobies of three different women.

2. Flare in the mouth, awesome kill.

3. The opening credits was really suspenseful! REALLY.


1. Someone pretends to be Jason.

2. Only horny kids, pimps, and druggies get killed. And the occasional officer. But no one else.

3. Half of these characters are annoying as hell.

4. It says Friday the 13th yet this entire operation takes multiple days. So why is this day relevent?

5. Must everyone magically trip and then completely forget how to get up?

6. These women never try anything but scream.

7. Either i saw MC Hammer get killed or Prince and the original Michael Jackson. Whoever it was, it pissed me off that he died. Especially when its learned that this killer isnt jason afterall. Thast right, spoilers. F U, dont bother watching it.

Just wow...serious...

Blood and Chocolate

when the girl in the film cant act....it makes it hard to like it. almost as bad as edward and bella but in romania...


As one of the most anticipated films of the year, advertised for its technical mastery, you would think thats all your going for. A beautiful world both abstract and green. But with James Cameron, there is more to it then just special effects (ahem *coughs* Michael bay) but also symbolism and a sincere and humane storyline. Things like imperialism, mother nature, romantice love, diplomatic solutions, and spiritual connections with creatures and humans. All generalized in societies well being and its complicated cycle. Things likes this appear in this new alien (I think its alien) flick that pursues excellence from its diligent director.

Just as note. The term Avatar comes from hinduism. A form of reincarnation to something angelic or sacred. This title uses it in a similiar formula in humans taking the form of a Navi. Just to clarify it to you. Thats all.

Sam Worthington protrays as Jake Sully, a marine who questions his future and if he can ever return to the dying earth let alone having his real legs back. He is sent to a charted planet called Pandora. A complete forest terrain filled with monkey/cat like creatures called the Navi. The indigenous people who often protray the role of native americans in american history (being called savages and dressing like the original redskins). Apparently, the whole operation on the planet is for the mining of a grey rock called unobtanium (which sounds like unobtainable). Either there is a diplomatic solution to drive the Navi away or to use force (like how americans had always done it). Apparently, the use of diplomatic solutions had failed. According to the administrator Parker (Giovanni Ribisi) who repeately concured that nothing has worked. So Jake becomes the diplomat and is encouraged to learn the ways of the Navi and to study the geographics for apparently one last time. The perfect twist. Now, its quite obvious which is the solution. Because one is meaningless and the other can be epic.

But of course, the role of Pocahontas always come to play in that of Neytiri (Zoe Zaldana). So this is either Disney in 3D or the Trail of Tears in blue painting. You figure it out. Despite all of the references and schemy pop culture, James does his best to make it as effective as possible. Using tools like chemistry, music, and choreography. Despite the whole badass with scars is the villian and all of the stick people are pure, this offsetting thought of humans being cruel justifies it well with simple common sense of greed and power.

So Armond White, stick that in your pot and smoke it.

Avatar, in no means is trying to serve as a politcal message. Its just a sci fi flick created for entertainment. The enjoyment of technology and the appraisal of art. Must everything be serious? But to some critics, yes. Everything must be Citizane Kane. But unlike most alleged fun films, there isnt any single moments where you laugh or joke about it. Its all presented correctly without the unintended giggle or any sort of inappropraite response (ahem *cough* Twilight Saga). Everything is justifiable in it owns purpose. Last be known, this is a very appealing film but better yet, breathtaking.

When J.C decided to come back after that overrated Titanic (I think it is), he comes back in doing almost the same thing. Making the most expensive film of all time. But as history has told you, he knows how to use it. And oh does he. When the 3D isnt gimmicky and all of those glittery colors just hurt your eyes, it is certain that James had used the monely real well. Not just the setting but these Navi Creatures. Some had called it the 3D Jar Jar Brinks but that seems completly off. If anything, there as real as it can get. When everything looks like a cut scene from a video game, you know the film is destined to look good for its entirety.

This new and blue James Cameron film embodies a spiritual tone that carries our complicated characters into a life of purpose. Not only is this destined to amaze but also to relate each character within ourselves. To feel and to grieve. To accept and understand. That life just got a little larger. Hate or love this film, its as beautiful as it can get and I promise you that this takes Transformers 2 to the ball park and kills it. Not just for its looks (Transformers can look good to), but the addition of a statement story and appealing characters. Taking notes yet Michael bay? Thought so.

Bad Santa
Bad Santa(2003)

Whenever Billy Bob Thorton becomes a vulgar pig, we laugh at it.

The Blair Witch Project

We only get creeped out when we pretend to be the 4th character. But as the outside looking in...when you hear stuff like that, you try your best to get out by following the path and light. After a few amount of days, you would expect them to. The suspense of the blair witch, the stories of the children, all very sound and mysterious. What you dont know is what you fear technique works well but when you try to piece the story together, there is no intention and no harmony. And really, no horror. Just a huge practical joke. The so called force seems more like two dudes screwing around with the lady.

And in the end, it is so cruel not just for the audience(looked like a witch was doing this) but for Heather Donahue.

In the end, your like WTF!!!

Not for the out of no where ending but the fact that there is a out of no where ending.


Angelina Jolie does a great job in protraying a desperate being. Not being angelic but hard headed. She is indeed quite human and the resolve of her faults and ambitions is why she had become the fallen angel. Dark and often humerous, this commentary on a legendary model is suprisingly effective and breathtaking.

P.S: Shes naked half the time(awesome)

Bad Boys
Bad Boys(1995)

Michael bays criteria adds up but wears off on his commentary on California cop specials. Often making these so call heroes more of menaces and lunatics and often rejectig our first impression of security. But his uncanny ability to make action a first and story(really plain and unoriginal) second proves to be the better because i wouldnt know what wouldve been had he focused more on black comedy and the storyline of hot girl and drug money.

Other then the glimpse of french badass Tcheky Karyo to play as the resourceful but sadistic drug dealer, this oversized action flick is so robust on societies illness(in that of Cali) that any attempt to make California look safe just seems idiotic.

As Michael had put it, watch out..

there are pricks and bitches in this turf.

Overly dramatic in the whole cop buddy thing but as long as martin lawrence and Will Smith tries to be funny on the whole "white vs black" scenerio, I guess its all just entertainment.

Note: I am keeping these short now, I write these while listening to music and sometimes it wears on and I lose track of my concetration...(talk about being multi task)

Friday the 13th Part 3

Jason kills dumb bimbos and supposed studs. What else is new. Creative, but these intentions of killing anyone with sexual intentions just seems wrong.

Friday the 13th - The Final Chapter

Camp Crystal Lake -

Land Of The Dead Horny Teenagers And Other Unexpected Residents

P.S: Beware of Mutated Killer In Hockey Mask

Review: Is this really the final chapter?!?!?! No its not and its stupid. When a guy dies, he dies. I dont care if the name is Jason. He is a deformed kid not the Sith Lord.

The Princess and the Frog

Same old same old, traditional musical theatre with the cute princess and a charming frog and a hint of villiany. Its no longer a witch, its now a voodoo artist(complimentry to african culture). While the themes are still quite the same, it changed its direction. With new point of views(frogs) and different ethnicity(african american and Brazilian). Trying to spice up what made Disney great. Sing alongs with all of those creatures and fairy tale romance. There was Snow White, then there was Enchanted, and now there is The Princess and the Frog.

No 3D and no Nicholas Cage, just plain artistry and soul powering voices.

Anika Noni Rose plays as Tiana as the stereotypical dream girl in New Orleans. Living in a shack while working two lousy jobs to earn enough money for "Tianas Place". A symbolic(as further reviewed) building to become the next line of success and where the best gumbo is served. With all of the glory and money. And as Oprah as your loving mother, why cant this be the next masterpiece? Well, its useless to say that this is just a inverted version of other fairy tales and sooner and later, the ever after effect wears off. Despite the total cuteness in cinematic animation.

Tiana has her own goals while Prince Navean(Brunos Campos) has his own. Although unethical to marry and become rich. But he stumbles upon the shadow man, a con artist in the lower city of New orleans tricks him into the dreams he had always wanted. Upon so, he gets the total opposite. He becomes a frog and alas our convetional storyline of hate me now and love me later.

Their meeting(between Tiana and Navean) is quite similiar to Tiana's wish as a kid to the evening star(the brightest one). I wont say much but it becomes apparent. I did like the relevance of these moments and it reminds the crowd of unexpected meetings and how fate is always the course of action that every disney filmaker take on these type of films.

Its no secret how these two meet and share a admiral bond. Its no secret that they sing every 15 minutes. Its also no secret that when its all said and done, this "new" form of hollywood adversity is quite enjoyable, for the most part. The music is no different then before. With the orchestra and the acapella and the wild non serene animations between its animals and back water visuals. Disney once again returning to its roots but its only a matter of time where this happily ever after scenerio becomes nothing but cheap shakespeare. Sure, its cute and yes its family entertainment, but to truly enjoy this....you had to forget every masterpiece created by Disney. And that Cinderella was really a maid and Snow White was really big foot in a costume. And that each "red" apple becomes condensation to the everlasting affectionate prince charming and each ending is a false interpretation to realities happily ever after. No one sings along and kiss to be happily married.

But there is no room for reality, as each fantasy is rewarded with a simple monologue and a harm warming song to end it. Unfortunantly, I fell for it for possibly the last time. Its enjoyable as the classic fairy tale but these slurring characters with little or no literacy intelligence becomes a little hard to understand and more annoying as each minute goes. Yes, Bill Cosby(not in film) can be funny but only in a sitcom. Unless race exploitation(although the time table makes it seem justifiable) is not part of your everyday life, then enjoy whats good about it. In the end, its family entertainment. As it always had been with Disney.

Moonlight Serenade

Amy Adams is if not one of the best working actress today. Making such great appearances in Catch Me If You Can and Enchanted. But there is no enchantment in this pianist like romantic novel. Where everyone comes with baggage and seemingly, the conflict always becomes love. In which for whatever reason, a piano is played and some beautiful redhead sings in the bar with that classic 70's mop up dress.

Conflicting as these spot on moments go with the traditional cliched opening of these characters. Meeting with no sense of urgency but with the hint of memory, suddenly feel like they should be involved. Kinda romantic comedy esq. But I dont remember laughing much nor even giggle.

However, things are kept real and adjusted naturally. Like the growing passion for one another and the musical progression. Although it uses the time slot trick, its known that things are moving forward. Amy, the star in all of this doesnt do a whole lot to memorize things. Often speaking like she always do but with the sense of urgency and feels uninclined to react emotionaly appropriate. Often just walking away to home or saying that he doesnt know and leaves to her coatroom. Maybe its the writers fault for making such a lazy script. One that doesnt really follow through and uses traditional romance themes to cover the necessity of detail.

We all know they have problems and uses music as a supplement. And that eventually things work out. And thats how it mapped up. Like every other musical love story. Theres no originality.

It ponders and hope the singing abilities is capable of attracting customers but its predictable plot and cliched characters wont cut it. Even if the musical number is decent to hear.

Dawn of the Dead

Sometimes, looking past at this film, there is more to it. But when i was simply scanning this film...all I got was laughs. From all of the dumb zombie action. Sattire or not, it seemed pretty useless. But quite fun at the moment.

Dawn of the Dead

Deservingly creepy and for what you hope for is there. No gimmicks, just plain zombie action in a super mall.

The Island
The Island(2005)

Nice buildup with great look and feel, its characters filled with curiosity and a story that seemingly makes sense and can become a certain reality in the future. The second act however although justifiable, is just to much.

State of Play

A rather gaudy film but quite effective. Based on the T.V series made famous on BBC. Political propaganda on stereotypes. The mistress, the good wife, the lies, and all the other good stuff. Its alignment can be found to be tedious and somewhat provoking but the sattire of it all is a memorable experience. Its fun and quite attentive isn't it? We all love the white house gossip and the dirty secrets of our fellow congressman. The ones that we vote to do good. Its remarkable, this adaption is, directed by Kevin Mcdonald. A man who has a bright future ahead of him.

Russel Crowe plays as his old sturdy self but instead of a cop, he's a journalist for the Washington post. Almost acting like a cop with his ridiculous resources and demanding tactics. In the meantime, a fellow congressmans mistress has been murdered/political suicide. In what seems like a never ending string of backlashes and sources, comes out what seems like one of the biggest political blunders since the Watergate. Well, in this film at the least.

Rachael Mcadams in the other hand protray as the cute but fierce assistant. Often making her own rules while locating her missing pen. She's almost a unneeded factor as the only scene that forces her to shine is when she puts a puppy dog face right on Helen Mirren's nerve. She says the "F" word by the way, which was amusing. I never had the joy to appreciate its wonderful set, primarily the Washington post center in which many cache of scenes twirl around its characters lively to show that they actually do the work. Because most of my time is spent to slowly unwrapp this goodie. Often waiting for the next clue like I was on the case. Its thrilling, this suspense piece is. Its pace and thrilling revealations is just the beinging. The execution was only the middle. The conclusion of its victims was quite fascinating in the end.

The actors all did a good job. Protraying as liars or the polite way, ambitious jerks. What Kevin Mcdonald does is not to make this a fun film to just sway in and watch but to experience it like a staged reality. Its presence of conscience and friendship all has a lot to do with us regular folk. Dont it. Sometimes, a friend has to be a friend. But when is there going to be a line.

Political thriller that hasnt beeen top notch this year since Frost/Nixon, its safe to say that this is by far one of the best films of the year, in this specific genre of course. Its suspenseful and it can grab attention like a sad story about a dog on the PETA network. It doesnt persuade you into believing bad politics but often keeps you aware. But we all know the truth. Things like this just happen but when its a movie, its just a hell of a ride. From one clue to another, its simple to say that most people will be latched on until the ending tide of this drama ends.

Sometimes, you gotta love a film that is both thought provoking and emotional to the point of mankinds setback on political correctness.

Written By: Xou Xiong

My Neighbor Totoro

A solid childrens film that preaches sisterly love like no other and its sentimentality is far to fictional but often charming. Totoro is nothing but a friend that comforts a child when no one will or be that friend when no one wants to. Its easy to say that we all have a Totoro in our life sometime back then. Adventerous as it gets and as humerous it can be.


A much more complicated way to look at an alien invasion and a suprising way to show an opponents weakness. M. Night shyamalan once again stirs up suspense like a daily ritual and make everything sound so surreal. Judging from the presence of two great actors and a plot that doesnt seem all that dumb can surley create a fine atmosphere for creepy crop circle films. I can probably get more information by typing in crop circle in wikipedia then watching this film but there is an added effect. The sign is more then just a navigation. Its a coincidence that tosses the emotions of a father in circles until its final inevitable. And we all know where its going to end.

Mel Gibson plays as Reverend Graham. A man who lost his wife in a tragic accident and is now a single father who now cringes no longer on faith rather in luck or fate. It was nice how Shyamalan slowly develops Graham but the flashbacks only make its pivotal scenes seem laughable(at least for me). Nice undertone of emotion but it is devoured from goofy scenes like the final moments with the dying wife. Signs, is what het gets. A massive crop circle has been created in his corn field. Which caused unrest from his family and unlikely speculation about the other kind. Likewise, going through the motions of discovering the mystery is yet another story. The suspense of its events and its mysterious inhabitants are slowly discussed through the family and the media. Often how we would do it. Often used as a term for symbolism in that of a god. With the presence of fear and uncertainty. It was nice to know that Shyamalan was willing to face the reality. That the mystery was never to be solved through books or by a unrelated source but simply to out wait the supposed alien force and to discover their weakness through physical altercations. Its actually interesting on what these "aliens" are weak against.

True to note that the story is flawed with many aspects falling short of alien intentions and is rather debated by hippies in radio signals. Often disturbing to hear that aliens were simply there to play hide and seek and for whatever reason, poison its victims. This is where Shyamalan falls really short. His stories are often being to fictional to really grasp. Sometimes it doesnt bother to even try to make it sound real. The alien lights look like downtown New York being upstaged in the air and the aliens look so water like that I felt like I was watching some kid posting a crappy youtube video with the so called title "real alien".

With a lot feeling like the Twilight zone, I wasnt so sure to really care about the movie. What I did care was the development of its characters. Graham to be precise. His maturity from fainted father to caring father is becoming more and more of a rehab epidemic. Likely to at least say that I enjoyed it. First time i enjoyed a Shyamalan film.

Its pace was fine and the shift in the stories doesnt really become a complete debacle. It actually backs things up a bit but its technical abilities is rather questioned. Despite great cinematography, it nearly falls flat but thanks to a few performances and sudden suspense, its value is rather well mended.

The Village
The Village(2004)

A wonderful piece of art and music which often resembles that of a great film. But Shyamalan's desire to stir things up ruin its credibility. Often rephrasing the word "farce". Sometimes, its an insult to the audience. When everyone talks like they're in shakespear and pretend like its a childrens game, it loses its solemn. Heck, I feel wronged in so many ways. Shyamalan can be creative and thrilling but his twist get the better of his creativety.

Filled with an all star cast in Sigourny Weaver and Joaquin Pheonix, the cast plays as the bundled villagers in the prairie field. Often hiding from those we do not speak of. Finding love like a testament and breaking rules like boys in school. Witting away with dialogue that just makes people laugh. Much like Stephen Meyers Twilight. Every sickness is treated with just bandages and boiled water and it seems the survival of these people hangs on skinned animals and funny rituals. The rules seem like a mothers care for a child and the education seems jointed with Halloween. There is a twist in the film that will generally tick you off. And the term "halloween" seems a little clearer.

The village was nothing but a secluded area from reality. Becoming a peace that is not yet realized by the world. Where scandals and crime were not present and everything seems fine. With candle like tricks and folk tales being the entertainment. Looks good doesnt it. A beautiful field that doesnt have a speck of darkness. Only the forbidden woods look like anything creepy. Although the color red doesnt seem to make sense as the bad color. Maybe the sight of blood is what they take of it. That color seems natural. But the color yellow? That I just dont get or have any need to.

The great artistry comes from the soundtrack. A binding one for the least and is a bright spot. But that doesnt make a film. If there was any need, it would be to not make a film sound so stupid. I would like to say more but feel like it could spoil some key details of the film. A frustrating part of the movie but you have to give him some credit for trying and for making it quite suspenseful in the first hour. But as slowly things go, a little of The Village dies.

Its hard for me to appreciate this as each actor felt forced to act in the melo drama way. But due to its creepiness and mystery of the woods and those we do not speak of, its rightfully fun to watch.

Monsters vs. Aliens

Very typical in the whole animated sequence of cuteness and raw sentimentality. But its humour justifies that these animated films always deserve a chance. Monsters v.s Aliens are nothing more then this. A slapstick animated cartoon to wish all the kids happeniess and adults complete silence of ravaging kids. Cliche to say but this film does shut up the kids.

The same guy that brought us Shrek directed this american parody. Often showing complete idiocy of the white house and its inability to react accordingly. Maybe thats how it is. Maybe the president plays the paino to asure world peace and little giant girl saves us from 2012.

The characters are spectaculary voiced by comedians like Seth Rogan(Bob) and cute girl Reese Withersppon(Susan). Often treadmarking the plot of universal conflict, its nothing new to expect. The end of the world charade is just there to justify all the action and chases. But this time, its with the mastermind alien Gallaxhar(Rainn Wilson). Nothing to special with this story exept to share a steady closed moment with Susan weeping about not being normal anymore and the ego of a incompetent president. Toying with propaganda and pop culture to institute laughter along with B.O.B's physical humour. Nothing like taking a back seat to amazing visuals watching the U.S army getting whacked by alien vessels, blob getting thrown up in the air, and making fun of Al Gores coveniant truth with desert settings.

As many animated films is set out to do, like many pixar masterpieces, is what Monster v.s Aliens does. It entertains. Its not perfect buts its a great getaway from reality. It knows when to make people laugh and when not to. It knows how to follow the story and its characters are dynamic enough. Its all you can really ask for. Unlike Pixars Up(Best animated film of 2009), its not often serious or tries to gradually understand human concept. Its just fun. A ride to enjoy with your friend or mate or child. Action and colors is what this table starts and ends.

Can be boring but when the monsters are on screen, you'll be laughing in no time or otherwise trying to.

Written By: Xou Xiong

The Heartbreak Kid

Its believable enough to know that Lila(Malin Ackerman) is annoying and Eddie(Ben Stiller) is desperate and unsure. To that remark of strong performances, I guess we owe them a round of applause. But niether is its formula or humour all that special in typical romcoms as the spicy elements is gift wrapped to specifically ruin the mood. And to that discovery, there is no room for love in the Heartbreak Kid as we leave it on the daylight and watch it slowly die a painful death.

Eddie is a sporting goods store owner whos life is a mess because he makes it so. Upon whining about his life, he comes across what seems like a sweet blonde called Lila who got attacked by some homeless thief on a bike. Of course, love is the greatest thing and in a roulette of kisses, the two marry upon landing in Canto. And then there is the innocent girl Miranda(Michelle Monaghan) that we all feel sorry for. Often falling in love with liars who admit that their conscience got the better of them. But enough of the charades. She is the soft spot and everyone are complete jerks.

When a character says that the scenery(which is beautiful) looks better then the brochure, what she really means is that the brochure looks better then the movie. It formulatic expression of destined love seems to poppy even for teens and the humour is just plain wrong. Admittingly, Danny Mcbride and Jerry Stiller put up fine lines of quirky laughs but Ben Stillers approach at humour with rough sex and premature infidelity is so offsetting. We know what the characters are capable of and what their flaws are but expressing them on every corner instead of building a solid story is just filmwise silly. Melodrama does not honor corny storylines. If it didnt do it on Titanic, it shouldnt be able to do it here.

Its heartbreaking to watch this but if I laughed a little, its a pass.

1968 Tunnel Rats

Uwe Boll might capture some reality but its unscripted value seems ill-advised.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Lurking in darkness is a hint of bliss, one that cripples a soul and often leaving marks of regret. One can say that its harmless but the other might say foul play. In its latest history, it has become a fest of abominations. One the bores and one that giggles. In its serious moments, it garners both slow pain and unintentional laughter. Slowly, the story unfolds and cheerful little girls squander at sort of beautiful men for the sole purpose of pleasure while sorting out a romantic story that blemishes pain and suffering yet our heroine takes it all in her dreams. Haunted but not yet scared, only to be fooled by hearts content. New Moon, is nothing more then this. A flaunty teenage soap opera that serve to its bidders but nothing to its visitors. Trashy and misguided, this film is.

" Hope you like my little seminar "

Stephenie Meyer, a unsung hero in all of this drama. A writer who chose to make its characters both desperate and insane. Not always realizing reality and tries to conquer its futility of love with sloppy writing and scenes of complete disaster. Always to melodramatic and reacts accordingly to fairy tales. But the one to really blame is screen writer Melissa Rosenburg (Twilight). Again, her writing suggest the most cartoony way to finish off things and not realizing that its being laughed at by the normals. Maybe she is hoping but I doubt the triplets would often care how they did things. As long as its remotly sound with those crazy fans and that their most likely used to it.

The film starts off in school again where Edward(Robert Pattinson) makes a hell of an arrival just to awkwardly kiss his girlfriend Bella(Kristen Stewart). But New Moon belongs to Bella's friend Jacob(Taylor Lautner). Who becomes the huggy friend when things get tough. I call it the leftovers. But his wily charm and the chemistry between him and Stewart seems more cheerful then offsetting (I know a lot of people are gonna hit me on this), while Edward is the offsetting part. They always stare at the ground, Bella and Edward. Its almost impossible to believe that they love eachother. Just imagine how the sex will be. Obviously, the trailer will tell you that Edward leaves and Jacob tailors his buddy. Many occuring events will slowly create a love triangle that I swear people will fight over.

Its setting is beautiful as the first but the characters show no balance. Often being the big tall weed that stands out in a flower field. Why? Well when one gasp and screams most of the time and the other almost never blinks, its safe to say that these characters are inflatable versions of the original. What is new with New Moon. Almost nothing exept Jacob gets a new haircut and he's half naked most of the time. I thought I was watching a romance film not a body builder presentation. Oh and must everybody be gloomy or depressed? I guess so. Talk about living above sea level.

New Moon does almost nothing to the franchise. All it does is to hype up for the foreseeable future of Eclipse. Its like watching a t.v series and the episode ends, to be continued. But at least its an improvement over its predecessor. Wether I'm right about that or not is not the point. What I'm pointing out is that the animal planet action and the visible love thread is quite entertaining on base. If you look at it in a simpler way. Yay, a positive note. But the worst of it all is that it doesnt make up for its pointless length. Most of the time, it just adds on pressure with all of these illusions and rush antics. Yes, we know she's seeing things and is a rush junkie but that shouldnt find any thirty minute devotion.

Kristin Stewart, a finer actress in different films just cant seem to find any life in this role. Its like she's being drugged. I was however impressed with Taylor Lautner. He's one of seven people that can act in this film. Maybe more but I hate counting. He's not versatile or all that memorable but for what Chris Weitz wants of him, he delivers. Enough that I dont giggle during his on screen moments. Maybe in the next film, He could just kill off Bella and Edward so the world can be at peace. Well, my world.

Its x-factor is nothing more then the false portrayal of Romeo in Juliet. Its hype is done for me because everytime I hope, I get the wrong end of the deal. Maybe sometime in the near future when a slow motion sequence appears in a Twilight film, that I can finally stop laughing at it. Its total bruteness is not without its shoddy dialogue and maybe next time it should have a warning label of "Beware of Edward-Bella Moments". Fans will love it for sure but for the uninitiated, this will be the last time they watch it.

Written By: Xou Xiong

Star Trek
Star Trek(2009)

After reading what seems like a eternity of negative reviews for Star Trek, its arguements have found themself life for the sake of traditional filmmaking and intellectual story telling. Often reflecting modern films to be insecured popcorn flicks used to contain adolescents or to insure complete sloppiness of art and detail. But J.J Abrams did what was right. To overlay structural filmmaking into these new comic book blockbusters. Often supplementing colorful images and effects for poetic opera. Misguided as you will. But those type of films no longer work for most movie goers unless your a true fan of films. Often finding appreciation always gets you a half empty room filled with men in glasses and suits. In todays world, you need a little action and little color. Otherwise, your entire audience will be downgraded to old people and so called mature intellects (movie geeks). Safe to say, that although not smart cinema but money cinema. If you know what I mean.

J.J Abrams reintroduced these characters into these young attractive stars to correspond with our modern culture. Chris Pine is one for example. Using his masculine look to substain obscenity while young Spock (Zachary Quinto) tries his best to ingore while battling emotions like a kid. All characters (even the most serious one) share one connection. Grief. Even James Krik (Chris Pine) shows grief. The story starts off in space as expected as a Romulan called Nero (Eric Bana) attacks a federation ship. His intentions are unclear at first but it is later known. You can sum him up into three categories. Arrogant, concieted fool, and of course evil. But once again, grief is part of all of this.

From there, you see Jennifer Morrison giving birth and Winona Ryder giving Spock maturity lessons. Well, one after the other. The entire conflict in this film is more of just revenge in the form of grief but also insanity. Nero (our villian) will use some red matter to dispose of worlds creating black holes. Now thats being constructive. So you can see the obvious as James and Spocks world collide into pointless jibber jabber and the result of complete supremacy over the U.S.S Enterprise. Thats of course after meeting Nero in a big screen t.v.

These actors, although young will never capture the magic of the original but what they can do is spice it up. The insecurity of both James and Spock are what really makes them friends. And the configuration of a females name can add a spot of humour although pointless. You see, this whole film was almost pointless and its timeline suggest that it can get only worse (see Star Trek Nemesis). What caves into us though is the action/romance entertainment provided by a young lively director and often films that resemble that of Michael Bay or Roland Emmerich. Yes, I'm saying Roland Emmerich and Michael Bay wouldve made the film the exact same way. In its process, it sounds and looks the exact same way. Watch Bays Armegeddon and you'll know why. If questioning the methods, all you really to ask is.....was the story all that hard to come up with? And the answer is no. Just because adding the furture and past together doesnt mean it was inventive but just running out of ideas.

Given the fact that the sets no longer look fake or made of cardboard but the necessity of capturing the original magic seems all but a wasted effort. Instead, J.J Abrams did what he did with Mission Impossible 3. And that was action across the board. WIth closeups and camera action as technical as it can get. They may not be a complete masterpiece but their capability of inducing fun into films is quite visible. We want to see whats happening and will always look forward to see whats next. To that accomplishment, its safe to say, that J.J Abrams did the right thing.

And no need should this film be in the hall of fame but it definantly jumpstarted for what seemed like a fainted series. What George Lucas did to Star Wars with his prequels is what J.J Abrams did to Star Trek with his film. As childish or toyish this film can be, like Sarah Palin in the republican candidacy race.....it pumped everyone up. Even me.

Written By: Xou Xiong

P.S - It was not a eternity of reading negative reviews (it has a 95 percent approval) but I took a long time reading Armond Whites review. As hated as he is, his reviews are quite knowledgeble. I dont agree with him much but they do have some form of truth to it.


This guy made one tackle and got carried off the field with a standing ovation. Makes me wonder...how come I dont get carried off. I made tackles in football. I guess you had to be small, white, and sensitive. Nevertheless, Sean Astins performance is more then enough to carry a crowd.


The mother of all disaster films. It lacks depth but has the most exhilirating sequences ever in film history. For what it is, its quite macho in performance and unbelievable in experience. Not a masterpiece but a fun film. Something Roland Emmerich has always been able to do.

2012 is a debated subject that dates back since Y2K. The end of a mayan calander and the scientific shift in our galaxy so to speak. A lot of evidence puts forth the inevitable and a lot of evidence for the hoax. Its never liable until the actual date. But forget controversies and speculation. Its a Sci Fi thriller, enjoy it. I have despite being meticulous on scientific theories and whatnot. But hey, who doesnt want to watch earth die simultaneously while explained why. Well, in a animated sequence of course. Its fun when balls of fire are thrown at our heroine or when quakes completely devour cities. Its like playing a video game, where you choose how to completely dissolve earth into nothing but a lump of rock. Or to entirely drown everything that even Mount Everest wont stand a chance.

As fun as it can be, it has problems and yes old problems. But cant we just enjoy it? Not always the case. Little things like love get in the way and a attempt at being moral just blinds the audience into believing this as being preachy or religous. Or just making our humans act so barbaric and completely lost at touch of conscience or for a lack of better term, humanity. Often being politically correct was also an issue but its a movie where the rich conquer and the fat white guy get the say. Little problems, but enough to bother a crowd.

John Cusack plays as Jackson Curtis, a writer and driver. Who is divourced and has a estranged relationship with his kids. Something so common in films, it has become a social hollywood epidemic. As if every father is almost incapable of being one until waning moments strike. Its almost obvious on how this subplot is going to emerge and ultimately end. Well Jackson is one part of the film. The other is a geologist called Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejifor). Who answers to the whitehouse about plate shifts and weather changes. I guess he's the local weather guy for the men in suits. Aside from the joke, something comes up. Solar Flares are acting up and the core is heating up. Upon so, Adrian makes his move and the political parties around the world make thier move before the inevitable of 2012. Obviously, we need one normal guy to run the show so why not have John Cusack drive like a pro across California with ground literally falling before him and buildings collapsing in front of him. Also, flying is nice. Nothing but a slew of events to showcase special effects but for the moment, it works.

He's not really saving the world per se, he's saving himself and his family. I guess its the righteous way and it certaintly helps the issue of estranged relationships. Want your wife back? Get the world to end and save her life. That will do the trick. Nothing is to special in this film exept trying to look soft with the president and his "speech" before everything goes to hell.

" Yeah, thanks for the help, we're gonna die now, and what do we get? A seminar about facing the darkness? How about some light? Or some evacuation? Nope. Wont even bother to make enough ships for anyone exept the dudes with a million euros "

A lot of sentimental moments happen in this film, some that share nothing with the audience exept giggles. Like kissing scenes just before a ship will literally collide. But its not the giggly gesture that makes this bad but the fact that is old and overly used. How many times does a kissing scene occur during a difficult situation. 2012 is not just a disaster movie, but a subplotted worthless romantic sellout. Sometimes you wonder if these blockbusters will ever live without romance. Answer is no, America is to melodramatic.

2012 is known to be the end of time (for some people) while for Roland, its reproduction and cliches. Never had I imagined the ending would be as it is but then again, we like those results. Because it shows faith and never does anyhing end. Its a cycle. A circle of events that occur to stable evolution or possibly growth. Roland doesnt show growth from his previous films as he continues to do the same but his uncanny ability to make them as fun as possible is quite remarkable.

Is it oscar worthy? No. Is it 5 stars? No. But its a hell of a ride that tempers with nature and humans alike. Nothing ties people together for a koom bye ya moment then 2012 and its amatuerish attempts at being cute and sad. But hey, it works out.


Written By: Xou Xiong

I Think I Love My Wife

If people often object its message because of bad material then a inquiry is just ready to happen.


Ever see this and wonder if Family Guy was inspired by this corny 1980 disaster film (I think its a disaster film)? Has it occured to you that every joke is corny and have no relevance to the plot. Some of its gags strikes with saturday night live quite well. In fact, I wouldnt be suprised if it was directed by a man on saturday night live. Airplane has no brain to conquer and a story so blatantly told and overly dramatized that we just laugh at it. Maybe it was the intention or maybe it was a mistake. Whatever is the case, I laughed at it. So its enough to say that this could be americas funniest video or is it the most corniest. Questions that I myself ask for hours on the day and will not rest till I find out or maybe ignore it and enjoy the time I had experienced. Because lets face it, with so many offset gags, I dont really know what they're trying to do. Being to racist or to unpredictable is just the begining. What transpires is a bunch of 80's moments climbing on top of each other till one surrenders. It even has a little of 70's and 60's and 90's. All concluding to that of modern comedy.

Robert Hays is protraying Ted Striker. A ex war pilot that lives in the past of some war disaster that occured. Possibly in Nam but its inconclusive of what it was. That problem became a pshycological thing but what hurts most is that hes dumped by some pleasantville girl whos a sterwardess in a airplane. One which he gets on to clear things up. The whole ideal conflict is the plane crashing and you could see where I'm going at. The humour can be both offsetting or hilarious. To me, it was a little bit of both. The humour stretches deep within the act of melodrama and the sincerity of its components back in old filmmaking. One that uses cheap ungrained music with stupid flashbacks. Others rely on stereotypes and pop culture. It almost felt like a spoof. Maybe it was or was it some knee jerk attempt at making everybody look bad. Especially the pilots in the cockpit. One is a pedophile, the other is a angry black man, and one I'm not so sure of. They do have clever lines and I had always laughed during their time on screen. But to me it was Leslie Nielson and Julie Hagerty that really made this film for what it is.

Its funny and that is really it. There is no much sense to it. Did not laugh my butt of but enough grins and chuckles keep me to hang around with Airplane. Cheesy, corny, calamatic, and certaintly cool.

The Next Karate Kid

You know...the fights may be trashy and sometimes its hard to fully understand this film, not on its message but how they did it. With so many cheese slow motion scenes and the most predictable events, it seems like everything is lost. Even with the grease like bad boys, it was fun to watch Hilary swank beat one of them up. So my consensus is, not everything is bad.

Turistas (Paradise Lost)

If you could predict who was going to survive in the end(which I did), then there is no reason to watch this movie.


I feel like I have seen this before. Where everybody learns a lesson from one particular character. Like Love or hatred or greed. Radio is no different as it hastens itself to great lengths to make Radio as sad as possible. While Ed Harris and Cuba both put on good shows, I had a little trouble with a ever so cliche ending. You'll find that out for yourself. Critics have percieved that Radio is shown as a cuddly pet instead of a person but I ask of you.....Dont we treat slow minded children this way? Dont we feel like we have to do things for them, keep an eye on them, or even dress them even. Its a particular epidemic that carries within us as sympathetic humans who would care for certain people in the most detoriating way because of sympathy. A remark of justice or appreciation through the hospitality that we give to our dogs because they to need our help. Its rather edgy stuff but it is often correct.

I liked the performance and the story was emotional enough for most to care for or at least acknowledge, with almost no background on Radio, it is safe to say he is just another man with a shopping cart. One that cries, hugs, and motivate. Those aspects should be enough to bypass personal vandetta.

Away We Go
Away We Go(2009)

Short review here....

Tremendous acting along with great chemistry, give a little ladder full of awkward moments and you get a charming romantic love fest that has laughs every now and then.

The Fourth Kind

Ok, so it?s a little hoaxy and somewhat hard to believe. It?s unimaginable to say that alien abductions are real or that people secretly disappear because a snow owl stares a them 24/7. But to me, the fiction/reality of Abigail Tyler?s (the film used fake alias to protect its actual personal) documented life seems a little more thrilling to me then theories or folk tales. At one point, I was wondering if she really existed. And if she is, I would love to have a conversation with her. She may look pale and dried up but her oncoming chilling presence and stuttering voice seems to attract your naked eye and ears. Her reality became my adventure and boy was it something. I wont forget her gloomy eyes when a drip of tear had befallen on her check as I sit there hoping that someone has an answer. An answer to solve a mystery that took away a innocent life. Many for that matter.

Whether you believe in it or not is really not the point here. The cross reference was a cheap trick but was quite effective. All the audio and video evidence was nothing more then to showcase raw material of the subject matter. Matter that are confused and emotionally detached. Simple humans living on the snowy mountains of Nome Alaska are missing and some psychiatrist starts hypnotizing patients into remembering nightmares or blurred visions. All seems a little too hard to believe and its reenactment of actual footage simply helps you to derive in this phenomena. But who chose Milla Jovovich to be a psychiatrist? It?s like choosing Tara Ried to be a archeologist. But she does decent enough for us not to mention it but Will Patton who plays as a sheriff in the film just has some flashes of horrendous acting. Maybe that was a problem.

When someone says that this film is based on case studies seems a little offsetting as usually you say events or novel or game. But it?s a new idea to freshen up upcoming projects who want to make films based on some doctor?s study of alien abduction. Maybe it could be the new trend. But to me that don?t matter because the most important part was when the blind daughter of Abigail Tyler goes missing (claimed to be abducted by aliens in courtesy mother), the film then takes a emotional shift. One that clears away the aliens but now comes to will power and motherly love. This is by far the more important value of the film. Ignore the sessions, the middle speculation, Samarian culture, and focus on the reality check of Abigail (Milla).

The pretension of alien abduction doesn?t clear a way into people but what should is the ending moment of a mother who lost everything due to the curiosity of mystery. When she sits and slowly explains her natural intention of revisiting alien abduction, it became apparent that love became more of a motivation then to finish something that nearly destroyed her. The reunion of her and her daughter was all the proof it needed and her gesture seemed more then enough to be convincing. Her speech at the end took me away. I was no longer watching someone who was delusional or insane but someone who felt regret and is helplessly finding remorse. Sympathy is just the first reaction as she speaks out with teary eyes and pictures of the little girl are shown when she was much happier. Through the moral epilogue, I could no longer find any strength to argue her claimed existence or her questionable judgment. I could care less about real or fictitious events that occurred on a small town in Alaska. All that matters was how emotions took so many things away and her inability to react cost her not just her life but everybody around her. No longer was one person at fault but anyone who failed to react. That her judgment became her ultimate sin and forgiveness is seemingly invisible to her well being as she sits hopelessly looking for hope. And to that lesson, behavioral science became more then just a sport but the embodiment of freedom. It?s that very unconditional feeling that helps us forget speculation of the fourth kind. In its respective note, it found something far more important then aliens as it slowly unwraps itself. It is now a story, a memorable one. To us, it?s a delusional dream. To Abigail, it was a frightening reality.

The fourth kind isn?t the scariest dramatized documentary or the most balanced but morally in shape and capable of moving you with its ability to tell a story in the most traumatizing way, one that gets attention and certainly, one that can force a tear or two.


Written By: Xou Xiong

P.S - You really have to go on a limb here and believe its real even though it sounds hoaxy but just do and it becomes a little bit more involving then you had expected. I did that and it worked. And if you wonder if i believed in this movie...I did not. Researched it and a lot seemed to be kinda out of reach so i figure its false but when I saw this movie, I ignored the tag line and watched it at Abigails point of view. Its how i came up with my review. Not believing its real but pretending to.

Rest Stop
Rest Stop(2006)

I just dont get this film. In its entirety of a serial killer into some X-files BS. Dont ever watch this movie unless you feel the need to divert yourself into meaningless crap. Only good thing is that there was a little porn in it and the fact that it does have exeptional acting. Other then those sidenotes, skip this trash. Dont stop in Rest Stop, keep going because you will only find boredom.


A little funny to say the least and who doesnt like CGI bugs. A little wierd and sometimes soft spoken(not as gorey) but the chemistry between the two stars work it out.

Planet of the Apes

There isnt much to rely on Tim Burtons Planet Of The Apes. Its diagnosed with bad screenplay and a predicament that is yet not understood because of lack of detail. In dark ages, we imagine ourselves to enslave eachother or a nuclear war that just incinerates the entire world. Not being owned by apes because that really questions evolution. Yet in this graphic nature of a distant planet that diverses apes and humans have become somewhat equivalent of something we have seen before. Often the term savages are misused and the clear skankiness is not fully recognized. Tim Burton clearly sees something that we dont or his image on the remake seems a bit more timid then others have imagined. Sometimes its lazy or just close minded. The least to say, this is definantly one of the worst Tim Burton films I have seen.

Mark Whalberg, a man so criticized to a point of frustration. Can he rap or act? Some simple questions asked by movie goers but after his Martin Scorsese success, I have acknowledged his presence and what he can do. But dating back to this film, I think he did fine as Captain leo Davidson. A pilot whos pod crash landed into a unknown planet filled with apes and humans. The humans look more like the apes while apes actually behave within society. Makes me wonder but everything is explained as the film goes on. He gets captured of course, after he gets all confused. He gets carried away to a slave trader. From there Ari(Bonham Carter) is introduced as the free willy ape who has sympathy for the humans. So shes nice and furry, awesome. From here you have to understand something. Thade(Tim Roth) hates humans and the other apes willingly so. Maybe its his influence. I dont know. While humans are being turned into maids and servants, Leo decides to be the hero and escapes with a the cave man family whos father is stupid enough to charge at a ape or is it gorrilla. Who knows the difference. Chasing from one course to another for a place called Calima. Where everything started and indeed it did. Where rituals happen and folk tales become reality. With hopes of seeing a fleet instead of ruins and maybe other space humans instead of bones. With the escape comes martial law and the inability of governed socity to take action and leave it all to the guy with the army. Speaks a lot about america doesnt it. Their goal is to go home or find a home while the other just wants slaves. Is it so hard for eachother to come along or find some sort of a agreement? Apparently not. Somebody woke up from the wrong side.

Rather this be actually good, is the message even important. Is the moral lesson to universal of being overused. Its graphics dont even fit that well. Especially he opening scene where it shows the huge ship that looks like a big old toy. Jurassic Park had better visuals. Lets keep this into reality. In this world, how is it that apes found a way to overcome humans? Never told exept some monkey god called Semos happened to help enslave humans. There is a sequence that ties the whole thing together but the one thing I wasnt so sure about was how the humans even existed in such a world when the planet doesnt seem all that earthy. Was it earth all along? Dont know but the fact that Leo wants to go home means that its probably not earth. Oh and FYI, the ending is screwed up and Tims title of being overrated jumps back into the pool. It serves no purpose to have such a thought for yourself ending when really it was the film that needed the thought. I did however enjoy the characters and Tim Roth was spectacualr in his role. So maybe I should be a little soft on it. But hey screw it. For what seems entertaining just went totally confused.

Given the title of remake, it shouldve been redo since this version is not that good at all.


Written By: Xou Xiong


Will Ferrel wrestles with a bear. Thats all you need to know.

The Brothers Bloom

The brothers bloom doesnt inspire you with glorifying moments or is it all that inspiring in it itself. Its a simple tale of brotherhood and the life of living a lie that proceeds deep into false feelings and incorrect alias. Something that is troubling and not well understood. Its because of feelings that one of our heros feel cheated or unfulfilled. Is that much of a conflict to fill up two hours? Not really but there is more to the story then just fealings. Its accomplishments, love, and the definition of "want". Its a simple taste but a worthy one.

The film starts off somewhere in the late 70's early 80's where kids used to play at the park and eat bottle rocket ice cream and give each other pens. Now its drugs and DUI's. Upon the setting, you are introduced to the Bloom brothers. Who are menacing but constructive and honorable to eachother. Sometimes it takes a little prank for the two kids to put their mark as the notorious Bloom brothers. Con artists who excells at cheating people out of their money and to pretend like their plans are adventure stories. Adrien Brody plays as Bloom, a young man whos first love became nothing more then his older brother Stephen's(Mark Ruffalo) little toy to his ingenious. A part of his diabolical plan is to con young kids into paying up dollars for a chance to see a flashlight in a cave. Kind of like how people use drugs to lure kids for inner peace. It kinda continues from each con to another as money piles up and victims leave with the most sincerity, not knowing they're being fooled with.

But one particular con is the centerpiece of the film. A rich lonely lady who smashes her lamborghini every chance she gets is the last con the two brothers will perform. She must be extremely wealthy and insane. Penelope(Rachel Wiesz) is her name, a stylish first class gal who studies in her home and has found time to basically do and know everything. She is part of a con the Bloom brothers brought up. A well thought out plan to take millions from her by using argentine actors and french smugglers while pretending to be antique smugglers. Its kind of a gimpy plan but it works out because all Penelope wants is attention and adventure. As long as someone think shes a wonderful and inventive person, then shes going to tag along. The problem to me was they forced the situation into being to cute. To fancy with introductions and being to admirable to such a women who should expect some sort of worthless praise for her clumsiness and complete illusion on society because she spends her life in her home. To many elements of pure hollywood love in this scenerio makes this of any sort unbelievable. Her relationship with Bloom is never fully understood or detailed enough and is only brought up because she got horny on a train during a thunder storm. Hardly reminiscent or endearing. Just silly and awkward. They will slowly cross arms for spending time trying to pretend to be smugglers and have sex for simply feeling affectionate for the time spent. If it was that easy, wouldnt we all be in love?

Never do these characters really share complete bliss or connections of aweing moments exept trying to kid eachother of reality by fluxing up adventure plans and written roles. Its not as sentiment as it hopes to be and the only thing we see coming is some well written laughs and the decent action going on between the group as they travel across the world to chase a book. Its adventure despite it being silly is quite inventive and exhilarating. The Bloom brothers are quite clever and resourceful in coming up with these stories. It shows a sense of imagination and intelligence. Cant get this from Harvard. Even when moments do occur, its strength seems hopeless and the effort seems all but lost. Even the strongest moments are all but a continued scene.

The film does feature great acting by the three leads and very proud that they kept it exciting. At least Rian Johnson(the director of Brothers Bloom) has an eye for talent and fitted roles while maintaining a story that has a suprising ending although the addition of the Diamond Dog character served no fluent purpose exept to extort drama. At least he got that under control otherwise this would be a wasted effort. A film will flutter around with crap but if it finds a way to come up with some febreeze, then its not all that bad. Importantly enough, sometimes all you need is a sensible story with good characters. Even if the characters dont bid all that well together.

To say that this film is interesting is not from the faint of heart but from the time enjoyed as each character represents something ambitious as their minds cleverly put together scenes like a puzzle, in place comes a fairly enjoyable experience.

Written By: Xou Xiong

Observe and Report

The movie is trying to be serious in some way, indirect but constantly makes itself look embarassing. Observe and Report is your buddy cop like feel mixed with dark humour with the character being protrayed by Seth Rogan. Trying to fight crime. Pretending to be something far bigger then himself. As being head of mall security, you can tell that they're sensitive. Like many Seth Rogan films, its MPAA rating will always render R(restricted) as himself cannot be funny without the penis jokes and the "F" word. Counting the use, I apparently landed on 30. Although who cares right? Despite how you feel about Rogan, his character actually becomes acceptable to my view. Very couragous and although his racial indifferences and dark sense of humour gets to him every now and then, his last minute heroics clearly helps. But apparently not enough of it as this plot surfaces around finding some streaker whos probably diagnosed with Alzheimers. Nevertheless, it never bothers to stay with it long enough. Or in other words, not determined.

As read above, Seth Rogan plays as Ronnie. The head of mall security who claims his title as holy or ordained. His position is often misread or just harrassed. Ronnie is a loveable guy but then again, his antics get the better of him. On a ordinary day of mall shopping, a unknown man starts flashing himself to women in the parking lot. A lot of them doesnt matter as it was just a crude introduction to the flasher. The most significant scene is where Brandi(Anna Faris, and Ronnies dream girl) gets flashed and sooner or later, gets traumatized. Dont know how or why, all I know is Brandi is clearly sensitive about penises. Especially if the man is old, chubby, and ugly blonde. It becomes a case and hence the involvement of police. Both Detective Harrison(Ray Liota) and mall man Ronnie promises to catch the flasher. All starting by going around and messing with store owners(predominantly brown people). There is a subplot of mall robbery but its almost insignificant as it doesnt do a whole lot with the film exept to glance at some beautiful store owners or trying to percieve a connection between Ronnie and a line of events. You'll soon find out what it is.

The thing about this story is that it never sticks with it enough. Sometimes it loses track and Ronnie is drinking free coffee while conversing with his future love. And all the meanwhile, the flasher doesnt come out. I guess he only does it every other day or when Brandi is done working at her job, although all she does is gossip with her gay friend. Theres no pattern or no predictability. Which is good I guess. There are to many subplots to go around and theres not much time to deal with them. Dreams of being a cop is stopped short because Ronnie thought using the shotgun was the best thing in the world and creating a relationship with Brandi is almost impossible because he's to busy messing around with Detective Harrison, let alone another one with the coffee girl. Nothings steady and it finishes off its questions with a sole absolute answer. Its either Ronnie is retarded or just very wierd and unattractive. Could be all three because he tries to make the scenes very serious in manner. Seems redundant and silly but it kinda works.

There isnt much to say or to dismiss(not to mention like) exept the fact that this is just another Seth Rogan film. Where love is twisted into sex and drugs and honor comes between bickering with a muslim store onwer and drunk rape a women whos reaction, although funny is quite controversial within the feminist. Besides, there is no nudity of Anna Farris. Just other women who probably have nothing else to do. Not to mention Seths total reaction of comebacks from Harrison is nonetheless just sad and his attempts at being something else is purely excrutiating to witness. Unless courage is your favorite sport. Other then his unconditional love for his drunk mother who promises to switch to beer and his cute monologues with the coffee girl, there isnt much to love exept his physical appearance if you get my drift. Wether this attempt is to illuminate Paul Blart: Mall Cop(an earlier mall cop film starring Kevin James) is besides the point although a similiar approach on dignity and fighting crime is suprising. Its usage of crude humour being used by a very suspect cast is a all or nothing cannonball that doesnt seem to find its x mark. Its just gags after gags building up eachother until you finally see the penis. Is that all we hope for? I hope not.

Jody Hill, a man respnsible for The Foot Fist Way(a film that solidified Danny Mcbride as a comedian) was kinda a hit and miss target but often when the hits come, they were huge. While regarding to this film, it seems he went over his head for this one. Often judging his comedy on Seth Rogans improvisation(it can help and hurt the film) and the unlikely chemistry between Seth and Ray. Almost seems pointless but I enjoyed them together on screen. Even though its them trying to rip eachothers heads off. It works and it creates laughs. Jody thought he had something good and it only leaves with something old thats wearing a blue uniform. Despite its edgy and rather controversial material(noting the drunk sex scene and racial profiling), this film finds a set of morals to deal with and thats independence. In other words, the mojo that tells you everything is possible and you can do it yourself. Even a sometimes funny and silly primetime pep talk in the end by Seth on going undercover is quite realistic in nature. Well in movies at least. It really describes your persona or rather character. A moral that is relatable for most of us. Ronnie may be a little fat but his abilities shall not be tested. He did break an arm or two once in this film. When you see it, I bet you'll laugh. So Ronnie isnt that bad.

When your done observing this film, you can report to yourself that "is this my comedy?". Because that question will really be asked. It can be hilarious to most or just plain dumb to others. Because its how it is. Observe and Report is'nt the so call american humour that gets everybody laughing, its a hit and miss affair that if the wrong people wacth it, can be really offensive. Its punch line never has much punch and the ending becomes the ending that we all hope for. But honestly, do we want him to win? Does Ronnie deserve our grace or prayers or acceptance? Is he even reliable? I guess if he can shoot somebody in front of a crowd and get away with it, then the term reliable is correct and I'm terribly wrong. The film shouldnt even be taken as serious yet it tries to be. It could be indirect but it still shows. Wether Seth Rogan is a cop(superbad) or a mall gaurd, there isnt much to describe exept he's the same douche that gets people laughing for his "f" bombs and his perspective on the male penis. His charm will last long enough only for you to realize that this film is just pure cheese. It doesnt balance in the end. Or it could but I'm to busy trying to find out why Anna Farris is hardly likeable in this film. Shes cute and clumsy but in this...she's just a bitch.

Its mall vibe hides from the distinctive hero as he tries to save the day from flashers and cliches while still trying to hold on its queer laughs from unfitted jokes and impersonal sequences.

*For lack of better understanding...read below
(Even with the mall enviroment and its highly regarded vibe, it hides from the worthy hero as he tries to save the day from the flasher and cliches while still trying to hold on its unusual laughs(from the reaction from something that is taken seriously) that is from jokes that kinda doesnt work in its scenerio and from sequences that doesnt mean much to the plot.)


Written By: Xou Xiong

Paranormal Activity

Its clear suspense is easy to discover and its technical abilities can be easily done with supplies from Home Depot. But the first person eye view that circles inside the bedroom between two couples experiencing paranormal activity is what sets the tone of the film. Despite being so simple with itself and it documents on daily life as if we are living beside them. A similar style to The Blair Witch. Whether it?s scary or not completely relies on its viewer and their appetite of horror. With the hype and all, I expected something beyond The Exorcist. And apparently it hardly gets there. Unfortunate for what seems well made.

The film documents on a couple. Micah (Micah Sloat) and Katie (Katie Featherstone) are engaged to be engaged living in a suburban home. Katie has experienced paranormal phenomena since being eight years old. Something significant to acknowledge. Apparently they try to document it with a camera and observing it every morning. Most of the time it?s used to measure progress. Each night goes kind of the same. Sounds are heard and apparently are developed through each night. It becomes more serious and more engaged. Often developing a sensual relationship with the couple. It has literally become a nightly ritual. Demonologist and experts cant even help them and the night has become excruciating torture for the couple. Often banging noises and nonstop footsteps keep the couple wary. A test for the ages. Only resiliency can help such occasions but apparently the weak minded has surrendered to fear. Something that is easily seen within Katie. Her counterpart is actually resisting despite not being the actual victim himself.

There are different alternate endings and mine is pretty much out of hand and made the film looked gimmicky. They could?ve done better but it felt better off with the easy inevitable. Its scheme of unavoidable events go a little to far fetched as not one night is there any mutual rest whatsoever. So one sided. It would?ve been nice to see one good night. Instead it?s arguing, footsteps, and the big boy cursing at the spirit for messing around with his girlfriend. Let?s be honest and understand he's not going to win the fight. And why bother to show nearly the same thing? Just because it?s one more step or it?s just a little louder? They could?ve easily wiped out unnecessary scenes but they kept building tension with old tactics. Maybe it works but to me it was a little lazy. And why is the "demon" haunting her? It is unknown and maybe that helps its case of being momentarily creepy but honestly, maybe the demon had a crush on Katie and Micah was in the way. With all of his/her powers, all he/she can come up with is footsteps in two in the morning. Why not flicker lights for so it seems to be afraid of it. The "demon" doesn?t blend well with so many others in the many paranormal films. It?s like watching a little cub ghost/demon doing the work.

It is well made but it?s to repetitive and lacks no true knowledge of its source material. Also not allowing a leap of faith for our characters. Can they not fight back? Maybe do a little ritual or is everything so fine in tuning of complete spiritual dominance. It?s never fair nor does it create any sense of strength within our fellow humans. Using the f word isn?t going to help. Sorry director of this movie....

To say the least, it?s only scary if you put your shoes alongside the victims and to truly realize their situation. Otherwise it?s silly and you find yourself chuckling at the end. What it does do is that it makes you think twice before going downstairs in the middle of the night. My tip is to turn on every single light to cover your movement. That should help.

It?s either scary or your just watching a perverted ghost, I fall into the middle so I guess its both to some extent.

Written By: Xou Xiong

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

Ok, so everyone dies now. Awesome and about time. Nevertheless, the connection between Luke and Vader will always win over its audience.

Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

You just knew that when the empire screws up a mission....Vader was going to choke somebody. And for that, its gets my thumbs up.

The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

Whenever a bride acts like its the end of the world when surfer boy comes to town and apparently supports his brother, you knows its gonna be bad. Not the fact that Matthews in it but who he is in it. Doesnt work out. What playboy will get ideas of longevity in relationships by watching people cry because casual sex meant love for women. Well, because its a dumbass film and apparently the women in it is to.

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

So another Twilight impression by smart asses from the front office trying to make a buck with John C Rielly and child star Josh Hutcherson. But the problem is, Twilight had a better love story. The only reason why I would recommend this is because John C Reilly has the most serious face you will ever see in a movie. Where his eye twitches and will slowly observe you with his vampire look. Its kinda funny and disturbing at the same time. I dont know which because sometimes its a hit and miss for the moment. Now this is based on a book. And cleverly enough, it messes things up by writing a scene like a sequel promo and the casting of Chris Massoglia was a mistake. Trust me, this kid had two expressions. His googly eyes and the staring at the ground expression. Both works but thats it. You would think you can get at least five. But whatever right?

So Chris plays Darren. A kid whos life is planned out like most kids. College, job, family. Thats how it usually works unless your a rockstar or a circus freak. Take a note on freak. It will come back in this film. Lifes great and his best friend Steve(Josh Hutcherson) is a menace but for some reason he's benign with him. Maybe its his tough guy impression. Nevertheless, the two enjoy skipping class, breaking lights, and sneaking off to a "freak" show. I told you to notice freak. Its s show where everything is unique and different. Doesnt stop the two kids as it seems they enjoy watching them doing circus acts and purposely apprehending themselves from the truth. And the truth is that they are truly disgusting. To subtle? Well allow me to explain.

Its almost like watching frat parties on a hand held camera. Where your just waiting to see some dude tanked or some drunk boyfriend yelping out guilts. Its fun and interesting but in the end, its morally wrong and you feel like doing something. Only your not and your becoming a spectator. Well for Darren, he becomes more of it. Stealing Tobey Maguires spider, peeking in a private room, and becoming a vampires assistant. Thus the title. Crepsly(Reilly) is his mentor and some heavily obese villian wants him. Who wouldve thought that the most dangerous villains are overwieght behemoths who utilize magic like a hail mary pass in football. Its something about this story that troubles me. Wether its me trying to accept its humour or trying to really understand the motives of its characters. Sometimes its explained but sincerley changed just for a special moment. Little do I ever ask myself, "what is this movie trying to do?". And the asnwer lies within yourself. Because its not forward with itself and tries to puzzle together premonitions from a bearded women who doesnt realize she has premonition powers. Or she does and tries to ignore it. It doesnt matter at this point. Becuase really, your just trying to figure it out. Maybe its flat humour can get you or not. Its subtle approach can be an adventure but it soon becomes a ignorant gesture.

Wether the fast travel of these vampires have any relevance to actual vampire powers or just tying to be fancy with colors is beside the point. From a good movies point of view, this isnt it. Its to shaky with its material and doesnt trust its characters enough. They just hasten themselves like true hot headed dumb bells. I dont know if Paul Weitz intention was trying to squander his viewers but surley he did. But I'm going to give this film some credit. Its action scenes were executed beautifully with the exeption of the two secret best friends fight. Just looks like a Toony face off. Where everything twirls into colorful animations and kiddie violence. And some of the jokes work. Most notably with the dialogue of John C Reillys character. He sometimes lights up a smile there and there for what seems like a really boring movie. It does get boring after a while. Your starting to wonder how this film is gonna end because it keeps stalling itself with pointless acts. But when it does end, it feels to constant. But gotta appreciate the effort, at least.

Massoglia is bad and Reilly looks to goofy but it works for its time limit for what its worth. Yes its boring and yes its a little to damn repetitive but at least if you laughed once or twice, it works. Right? Its corrections can be made and its up to your patience to deal with this.

Its highest remark is when its jokes about vampires, its lowest remark is when they are trying to be vampires, it falls to the middle when they call bad vampires vampanese, but in the end, its a futile attempt at sattire but you gotta like the effort, I did.

Written By: Xou Xiong

Shakespeare in Love

Short Review:

Its comedic approach to the cross dressing and fake blood seems all that it needs to develop chemistry between Paltrow and Fiennes while figuring out a romantic story that fits, this if none at all represents simulated love at its best description. They deserve the oscars and its Paltrows finest moment.

Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope

A pretentious way of using religion and a smart way of using first rate special effects. Never did I ever imagine a movie made in the 70's to be so prolific in CGI and so well crafted in the artistic world. Although you can argue that I watched the updated version. Its colorful approach transcends any other and its characters resemble that of the classic hero. A start of a trilogy that soon realized by the world and shaped the cinema into sci fi friendly. Star Wars, a galactic tale that befriends fables of the old and retells them in epic detail. One that can amaze anyone.

The film starts off with a raid on a airship. It introduces you to Darth Vader, a sinister being. One that was once a Jedi knight who turned to the dark side. Its apparent as he carries a light sabre and can use force powers, you might call it. But the breathing problem seems a litle distracting. He is part of the empire, something that is going to rule the world one day with their battle station called the moon, I mean Death Star. Its indestructible with the exeption of a two meter hole. You always have to wonder...cant they just board it up? Apparently not intelligent enough. But the focus here is when a R2 has a message for the old Ben Kenobi. He's supposed to be the princess only hope but nothing works when little Jawa steals him and sells him to the apparent hero, Luke(Mark Hamill). A adventerous kid stuck doing farming. His appearance is quite small but his courage is rather unmeasurable. One thing you want from a hero.

I cant really tell you much more exept that he gets stuck into helping Ben Kenobi(later known as Obi Wan) to go to Alderan and give the R2 to the rebellion. And from there, its pretty easy on what might happen. Trust me, you can see it before it tells you its coming. A world filled with wandering alien species and relentless criminals and free spirited pilots. One notable will be Han Solo(Harrison Ford). A man who most people will call "the ultimate mercenary who comes back to help his old buddies because for some reason he felt guilty". Or maybe it was the thrill. I bet it was the thrill.

Han Solo reminds me of a lot of those heroes that you watch back then. Those who ignore at first and then finally does it because no one else would. Kinda like how your not doing it but since no one cares, you might as well do it. Sucks to be that guy. Nevertheless, he's the man for the job. A joyfull and cunning man. He may be arrogant at times but boy is he clever. Princess Lea(Carrie Fisher) cant hate him. He basically saved her.

Star Wars is a crowning achievement in which circles the "force"(another word for god basically) like some religious purity and uses its dreamy enviroments to enrich its image. Never did you ever feel like this movie is boring or catastrophic, its quite entertaining for what it is. The drama is never expanded beyond its limits or over reacted and its opera is perfect for the fits of classical heros and battles of the republic for space longevity. Its desire to be entertaining is quite admirable. Its attempt to be politically correct....priceless.

No battle stations or airship fighters can blow up this classic. Only the fact that it was two hours to see something blow up seems a little out of hand. But through it all, its adventures guides us through maturity and selfishness. Academic traits no longer matter in this film, just great fun. And what better to end a movie but with a celebration. They should because George Lucas is a genius. Nothing beats the sunset, I mean COME ON. But to wonder again, that end explosion reminds me a lot of Ridley Scotts explosion in Alien.

Written By: Xou Xiong

Where the Wild Things Are

Okay, so its not the best and I probably had more fun reading the book then to actually watch it. But I liked the serious approach of this film. It redeems a sense of maturity to children films. But its narrative to Max's life seems a little redundant or overdone. Often creating a extremely screwed up child that most parents would send to therapy. But Spike Jonez felt the need to make him lovable as each of Max's moments shared hatred and love in the remorseful way but we often dont feel remoresful. Just often confused or irritated. But there is some form of symbolism here to look into and its imagery of the wild and the crazy surley has a second meaning.

Max Records plays as the ever so loving Max whos life is diverted into one simple idea. Being lonely. His estranged relationship with his sister and mother and the treatment from other kids spell a sense of resentment to its golden character because of odd behavior to whom most will say, imaginative. But in that process of realizing pain doesnt come without its family drama. Sometimes almost to sitcomy. Maxs emotions all starts with family and ends with family. Truly this kid just wants attention but it seems so hard for his supporting cast to give him that as he wears that wolf costume while chasing dogs and biting his mothers shoulder. And thats where his world comes in. A world wheres he's king and that silly dance he does is considered magic powers.

In this land, it has huge creatures that both look like CGI and wookie suits. Nevertheless, they play a huge part in this story. A lot of them represents Max's personality. The goat in particular is the lonely one who no one listens to. Much to the dismay of Max. While Carol(James Gandolfini) is the wild one(just like Max back home, destroying stuff). There are a lot of other characters but I wont go into them as they really dont stand out. Slowly this world turns from a forest into the inventions of Maxes room. From the rubberband ball to the mountain project and all the way to his stuffed animals. Maxe's world just became reality. A rather dreamy reality that convincely changes Max into a different person. As each animal responds to his questions and offers conflicts that only kings can afford to deal with. Otherwise, he wouldve been eaten. Max's relationship with Carol is a standout as the two build a fortress made of sticks and a tunnel system similiar to the nams in south east asia. Maybe they're related. But through this course of building the fortress seems a sense of growth. Not just for the fortress but for its characters as well. As Carol had hoped. For the animals to live together again, peacefully. That usually means sleeping together in a big pile. If you view it from a overhead shot, it looks like a giant manure stack. But Maxes growth is what got me. And how in the end, Carol did get what he hoped for. Despite a missing arm.

This transition from being wild to homesick and insecure surley speaks volumes. And that he knows the problems start with him and not others. A format I can deal with and respect. A entire premise that shapes our character to become someone stronger. Although I had trouble dealing with some of the other animals. I guess I missed something. Even the obnoxious behavior and the dirt fight doesnt seem to draw anyone out exept to go back to building stuff and argue with one another. Thats what they do for the most part of the movie. Build and argue.

Max Records does a great job in turning this character around instead of being to lax on just "crazy". In other terms, despite its early downfall, Max slowly recovers his image through maturity. Theres a sense of promise here but even though all of these positives appear so forward, its negativity nearly outshadows its so called "promise". Its description of Max kinda went out of hand. This is a kid not a buffoon. Its narrative of the situation seems a little dull and you can almost see the family lesson coming. Like how everyone seems pissed off because one guy got hit with a dirtball and the other got stomped on the face. It felt like I was listening to a bunch of 13 yr old boys arguing on Xbox Live. But in the end, I was entertained.

Not bewildered by its effects on both mentally or visually but overwhelmed by its approach. Spike Jonez was definantly not fooling around with this one but I can say I was a tad bit disappointing. Almost to think this film would be innocent, its more crazy then Uwe Bolls vision of filmmaking. But theres one scene that sold it. The one where you can see Max coming back to his mother, giving her a hug and then eat his dinner as his mother stares at him with love and slowly sleeps off from what seems like a terrible night. It was a pleasant site. From the hence of credits, I smiled and it was a long one.

So I say, where are the normal things? At home? Yeah....it seems so.


Written By: Xou Xiong


Bandslam (2009)

Running Time: 111 Minutes

Rated: PG

You look at the promo photo and you think of another High School Musical ripoff without the Zac. But with its many pleasantries, there is more to this then Vanessa. There is definantly something more then just high school drama.

The film starts off with Will Burton(Gaelan Connell) getting pushed around by the school bully and being called DUI. Then theres his protective mother Karen(Lisa Kudrow) who promises to move out of Cincinatti into New Jersey. Shes almost to overprotective to a point of being uncomfortable. Like during one scene where she walks in on her son taking a shower and asking how he feels. Not awkward enough? But despite all of that, who wouldnt want Lisa Kudrow to be their mother. But now in New Jersey where the new school doesnt seem all that better and the greatest event is not the state championship or the prom but Bandslam. A battle of the bands you might say. Something you play on your xbox everyday becomes reality. But nothing is complete without two girls who seemingly becomes the love triangle of Will. One is Sa5m(Vanessa) and one is Charlotte(Alyson Mchalka). Charlotte was once popular and now seems desperate. Sa5m is lonely but independent. Two girls who are apparently talented in the musical arts. So one forms a band while the other just tags along.

Eventually you end up with a group called I cant go on, I go on. The most awkward groupie name since KISS. Everything comes out pretty formulatic and the chemistry doesnt seem to be there but a lively performance by Connell and Mchalka saves Vanessa from being tainted by her still forgettable performances on the big screen. No Zac means Vanessa is invisible and her character almost seems invisible and doesnt seem to be much of deal until Will comes in and mixes things up with one of the most original kissing scenes I have ever seen. Ever "petted" a girl before? Didnt think so but Will did.

Bandslam is a suprise filled of human detractions and the development of friendships that dares many courtships. Its poignant mind frees itself from the many high school cliches and instead delivers a seemingly charming film that it is. Its maxed out problem comes from Vanessa herself and she doesnt do much to make this film any more charming as her ability to sing is the only remark of chance she is ever gonna get in this film. But ignore the disney girl and its melodramatic approach on teenage life seems all to relatable.

Bandslam is no grandslam but for what its worth, fine enough to enjoy.


Written By: Xou Xiong

Sorority Row
Sorority Row(2009)

Sorority Row (2009)

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Rated: R

Going against all odds here, I say its quite entertaining when hanging around the idea that sorority girls are getting humped and slashed through every course of this film. Take a side note that this is just the joke of a observation. Like many slasher flicks, there are twists, sex, and blood. All three elements necessary to fondle the crowd in excitement. Or at least keep them busy enough from looking at their cellphones or making out with their pals. In all regards it does but many horror ?tricks? appear in this film like a bag of halloween candy just waiting for a 8 yr old to snatch it all out. It sticks and can sometimes leave you feeling stupid. Like ?did I fall for that??. And the answer is, yes you did.

Like every ?cool? slasher flick, this film needs hot 20 yr old women who can scream and relatively act. A lot of them are well known in the teen circle. Cassidy(Briana Evigan), Jessica(Leah Pipes), Ellie(Rumer Willis), Claire(Jamie Chung), and Charlene Chugs(Margo harshman) are all sorority sisters in the Theta Pi home. All bimbos who have dudes who are probably related to Brett Novak are playing a prank. One that requires Megan(Audrina patridge) to play dead. The prank was supposed to scare the crap out of Garret(Matt O Leary). Well it did as you can see him cry his way in the car while the girls sneakingly laugh at him. The prank was a backstab at Garret who supposingly cheated on Megan. That seems a little to far girls?but then, thats what college girls do.

Things obviously go wrong as the mine scene takes the form of I Know What You Did Last Summer. Hiding the body because Garret accidently killed her with the tire iron. And now the sisters take a hypocritical oath of not telling anyone and drops the body in a well. Forward months later when its graduation and back to more wild college parties. And then a mysterious text message leads to a number of kills and everything you seem to left behind becomes a moral dilemma and every girl whimpers as the alpha female tries to calm them down with serious pep talks about pro life. But not even that could save them. Right?because this is a slasher flick and people have to die. Apparently strangers feel the need to kill people responsible of murdering their own friend. You would at least think its Megans sister or father but trust me, a little bomb in the end will surley knock you off course.

The relationship between the sisters are kinda awkward in length and questionable in honesty. One is never gonna get laid, the other refuses to let things go, and one just wants to move on. All of them disagree till blood spills and then they have to work together like real sisters. Shouldnt they just be reasonable? No because this becomes a second conflict. One that is strong enough to create foolhardy women in the process. Where each of them has ideas and slowly walks away from the group to their inevitable end. And apparently Stewart Hendler(Director Of Sorority Row) handles it perfectly just like how Jim Gillespie did with I Know What You Did Last Summer. A moment of applause but not quite there yet because its not that original anymore. That seems to be the focus point for every slasher flick. Where friends betray or have a sense of distrust. But nevertheless, it worked.

Everything is formulatic but the kills, I have to say took a new step forward. The shower scene is among my favorites. Not because I saw nipples but a very interesting sequence where the killer impales the women into the wall with a bladed tire iron. And its pace works for it as well. Not a whole lot went wrong with this film. Its just the expiration date of every element in this film. They are all outdated and used. Its like wearing something from Goodwill. Its nice and firm but it gets icthy sooner or later and bleach suddenly destroys it. But what bothers me a lot is some of the scenes where they just seem a little out of line or its characters to stupid to notice. Like how at one point they thought a dead women was the killer. Thats all you need to know. Seems pointless and the girls just seem a littler dumber as the movie quickly ends into caches of cliches. Realism is not respected. Or is it true that every women when in distress, just acts stupid. But hey its a movie and all of these girls probably didnt know what they were doing.

Moderately entertaining for horror lovers and hot enough(Lot Of Women) for everyone else.

Though you kinda wonder?why didnt Garret just checked the girls pulse?..hmmmmmmm.


Written By: Xou Xiong

Human Trafficking

Tantalizing on its subject matter and very effective at showing its emotion but drags way to much.

The Program
The Program(1993)

With so many football movies that feel and sound the same, this storyline that borders roid rage and academic struggles is quite tentative in its approach and only ends the way we want to see it.


The Surrogates (2009)

Running Time: 88 Minutes

Rated: R

Where Bruce Willis is bald again and ready to kick ass like he did 2 years ago with Live Free Or Die hard. But in this one, it lacks the intensity and seems to borrow similiar elements from Equilibrium and Gamer. A lot of sci fi movies have made its debut in the last few weeks and it doesnt seem to prosper like District 9. It seems to be to distant with itself and borrows a whole lot from other sci fi thrillers. This one is no different. Just because its story is relatively different and its title doesnt rhyme with others doesnt mean its fresh. Its just old cake with new layers. Theres no major ass kicking or yipee ki yay. Just Bruce Willis in a wig trying to be himself instead of being himself.

Theres no major problems that really kills you, just a lot of littles ones that slowly eat away from what seems the least entertaining. Yet they boil themselves with robot language and the use of making fun of fat people. So it seems this isnt going anywhere and it doesnt. The film just feels like its all set up to do one thing. Piss the audience with some ?pro life? junk and in the meantime, twist the story and include meaningless characters to waste time. It seems the film couldve ended in 40 minutes. Little subplots like relationship problems and high tech weaponry slowly dissolves a simple murder case that this film has. Nice to have little twist and turns but it has to be effective and the audience needs to be latched on and not just hang around.

Bruce Willis is agent Tom greer, who in this futuristic life that feature surrogates, is solving a murder case surrounding the deaths of actual people because their surrogates died. Let me keep you up to pace. Apparently the world is so direly to become lazy that they created something called surrogates to run their life. Little robots controlled by their host. Almost everyone has one and you can change their look. You can be a 35 yr old man working at Kinkos but have a surrogate whos a 28 yr old surfer boy. Pick your poison so to speak. There are many pros and cons to this ?plot?. The pros is that there is no crime and the world is peaceful. Con?well the loss of being human and no narrative response on actual life of the robots. Similiar to Equilibriums ?sense? conflict. I dont know why theirs a con when being human means crime rates are in the 50?s and having surrogates means practically zero. But hey, the movie is screwed up. Wouldnt Chicago love the idea. No crime. Thats not the end of it. In this bizzare movie comes bizarre characters. Where every character has each others surrogates at their disposal and seems reckless with their actions. Also trying to force you to find out who is who. But the ending is what seems predictable and the outcome is lopsided. People arnt allowed to do what they want to do? It seems this film is a catalyst for communism. Nevertheless, the ending angered me with every last second as I watched things unfold. I sometimes wish a movie can be interactive with its viewers so they can choose the outcome like a video game. But no, back to the crappy ending where one person decides the outcome of mankind. Boy do I fu**ing hate that. Sometimes being human is good but with a cost. Sometimes not being human is good but with side effects. So honestly?.what do people want? Well, the audience cant decide?only Jonathan Mostow. Lets just say....you can see the ending coming just about halfway through the movie.

A man who brought us Terminator 3, a so so robot flick. So he returns to familiar ground and yet fails miserably. He should at least give us popcorn entertainment. Can he do any worse? No. For the lack of better term, his film sucks. Only exciting part was where the credits rolled. Wait..I second that. Its when Bruce Willis is on screen. Despite its horrendous results, Bruce still had screen presence and Mostow is hopeful enough for it to work. Little does he know, that his latest installment lacks juice and still wishes that this was 1990 and not 2009. Because if it was 1990..who knows, it might be a 5 star movie. But we will never find out as every year something like this pops out and we start to question sci fi like we did with horror. Has Sci Fi died? No, but its going there.

Even Bruce Willis clear cut skin from his head can?t shine enough light to this cheap sci fi trick.


Written: Xou Xiong


Pandorum (2009)

Running Time: 108 Minutes

Rated: R

Glitching past yet another sci fi thriller that has a significant reference to Alien. With things like hypersleep and ?mutated beings? on a dark abandoned ship. Something that was used masterfully by Ridley Scott and James Cameron. Newcomer Christian Alvart, unknown to the film industry comes out with a script that plays itself in the same formula that has since partake in sci fi history. A film that has been seen before, just little details that seperates itself from the rest. So take the idea that its built with creepy atmosphere and has violent action scenes. It has both, just not effective.

Dennis Quaid, a man whos been in a popcorn flick just months ago appear in yet another popcorn flick. No strengths of originality and horrible use of material. He, along with others are humans who were put to hypersleep because one man said so. Obviously on one ordinary day, his cell breaks loose. Prompting him to do all sorts of crazy stuff. Like save the ship and freeing people. Like he was meant to do that. But Pandorum doesnt play itself to its true nature until little mutated zombies wearing KISS uniform starts mutilating the bodies of its victims. They are fast and mindless little freaks who live like animals and has taken the personality of its ship. Little secrets and twist that reveals what seems unnecessary becomes the killer. Makes everything to damn straight and explicable to what seems like an annoying way to end a story. Its similiarity to Resident Evil kinda got my attention as well. Also?.with District 9.

So what that tells me is that sci fi films are out of ideas and I should stick to old classics instead. Because despite what the title says and what the movie implements, it always feel the same to me. And?I am quite tired of it. With near complete darkness for the most part and action scenes with hardly any choreography (they just periodically swing weapons around?), this film seems flat and inspired only by violence and creatures of the sixth kind. Nothing of remorse to the state of being overwhelmed by cliches and mumble jumble action. Nothing to care about or to be excited about. Just a very flat movie.

This is a type of movie that starts out well and then falls short. Using human tension within itself is a good idea but then it seems misused. Everything seems out of place at the end and the events occur just because one person had to wake up from their hypersleep. To break it down, it was made for that reason. For Dennis to yell at people and fight little demon boys and because of it, lost a lot of its horror agenda. And why do these creatures always scream the same way? Can never know but I expect its because they had nothing to eat since everybody is sleeping. I'm pretty sure they were hungry. So why not howl to some imaginary moon in a closed ship while eating human organs....

Never creepy nor exciting as it never seems to master its content or tries to dignify itself with some kind of last minute pep talk. (Armageddon had one)


Written By: Xou Xiong

Seventh Moon
Seventh Moon(2008)

Shaky camera and often horrible lighting along with unnecessary dialogue buts its creepiness cannot be underestimated and the ending is purley loving.


A movie about not feeling......hmmmmm...

If you feel....you are called a sense offendor.....LMAO!!!!!!

Only way thats possible is if you have no initial reaction to anything and simply speak within the monotone. Like zombies...

And yet, so many of our characters felt or thought of felt....hmmmm...PLOT HOLES!!!!

Why? because an entire government branch is known for not feeling because of using some frickin drug. and yet again, i refer to my previous comment.

Maybe you just cant cry or say "I love You"

hmmmmm....with its bizzare storyline and little quirks of being the next sci fi cliche, you expect me to like it.....hmmmmm...hmmmmmm

Stranger: Have you seen Equilibrium?

Me: No...

Stranger: You shoukd, its really good. Better then the Matrix...

Me: really? cool...would totally check it out....


Me: (walks slowly to stranger and slaps him 3 times)

Day Ends

To say that this is better then the Matrix is a little far fecthed and embarassing as this film was basically inspired by it using similiar plot elements in regards of relations with sense offendors and the clerks. Just a really cheap sci fi thriller that uses leftovers from other sci fi thrillers.

If the gun fight in the end wasnt exciting....I might just tank this film but gotta give credit.

Bale...stick to throbbing the throat of Batman and ranting on film sets because this aint working for you....Keanue totally shits on Bale in this one.

Couples Retreat

After seeing this film, I felt it had a Year One approach. Where the jokes seems crude and funny but to the critics, its stupid. And it kinda is. A lot of it seems like slapstick attempts at trying to please the young crowd while its older audiences might find it a little immature. But in the Vince Vaughn days, thats all you need. A young stupid crowd.

A movie about couples who look hotter then most are in the midst of crisis as each relationship is flawed to the core of couple therapy. Apparently they thought the pelican package was just all fun. An experience that titles itself to typical marriage and the process of complete understanding of it. Using comedians as therapist and overrated actors as real people. You like the plan but the setoff seems a little disappointing.

But the jokes work to some degree. Like the obvious ones. Hot naked body builder who does yoga has to have a few scenes where he performs vulgar acts on the mid aged women and where men want happy endings from their massuese. All the college frat party jokes that keep us laughing because....we were kids once. And who doesnt like Vince Vaughn taking shots at his co stars.

A pretty obvious one to spot its misfires for the lack of imagination due to its predictable storyline and its we-have-seen-it-before marital process. One that we have seen before but used in a way of a awkward nudity and laughable accent. But if you like Guitar Hero or Vince, then this film is right for you but like me who has seen such a film but admittingly laughed, then its a cheesy pick me up.

Wether you hate or love Vince, this latest installment on marital problems doesnt do much to solve them exept for some major sex scenes and last minute conversations but through the middle course of therapy, you find yourself somewhat smiling. Wether its at them or with them...its smiling.


The Hills Have Eyes

The film is as disgusting as its mutants but to their ignorance, I enjoyed watching them get bashed up by Pyro or should I say, Aaron Stanford.

Next Day Air
Next Day Air(2009)

Next Day Air (2009)

Running Time: 84 Minutes

Rated: R

Judging from first impression, you think of black comedy that always gets the involvement of drugs, cops, and hustlers. It gets just that. Only problem is, its not really that funny. It has sure moments of giggles but that is a type of film you show to some adolescent kids just learning the ways of maturity.

With an ensembled cast filled of rappers and comedians, it seems like your watching some Wayan brothers production but problem is, the Wayans are actually funnier. People like Mike Epps who plays as Brody, some jobless american who steals video tapes from the bank. Whos friend steals just from anybody, even family. So why not steal some ?bricks? of drugs, accidently so. Do that and some angry mexican mobster with a rough riders mustache will drop your door down and use his ridiculous accent to scare you. Its plot seems like a small setup for minor gags to show up. Even so, its gags can top its message. That is not good.

But through the hour and half, there is some light that can be shed. Whenever a mexican acts tough in the mirror or everytime a big gang member smokes a cigar while telling his victim to not lie, it just makes everything feel special. I mean?how can you not tell him the truth. Thats just disrespectful because you are just wasting his cigar and apparently the film felt like some big old lie that wasted plenty of em. You have to think?..when will it end. On which cigar will this film end. Something that heavily bothers this film. Theres no real lesson and the comedy just feels dead. Its like watching comedy for stoners on Spike Feresten. Its just images of nonsense.

Not inspired nor heavied, just flat comedy.


Written By: Xou Xiong

The Hills Run Red

The Hills Run Red (2009)

Running Time: 81 minutes

Rated: R

The Hills Run Red actually doesnt have any connection to The Hills Have Eyes but at least they couldve made the title a little bit better and not some corny looking ripoff. Its villian looks like a grown up chuckie. Hmmm?..ripoff yet? Almost. The director was the guy that wrote House Of the Dead. Enough motivation for you to quit? Almost. But argueably enough, this was better. A lot better. No Uwe Boll means horror flick might have a chance. But introduced as something else. Something that kinda knocks you on the head. One that can confuse you. Your like?.?hmmm maybe this movie plays like this.? And then a little moment changes your entire opinion. Thats what it did to me. Its not as predictable as some might think and its discoveries come a little bit shocking and uneasy. But there are things that can ruin ones opinion of what seems promising. I can tell you there are no stupid teens that fight zombies who seemingly dont die unless their brains are squashed. Or no dumb guys that waste bullets on purley nothing. There is only Baby Face. Some screwed up kid who lives his life as a horror film. But as one might say?.you have to live film to understand it. But is that simulation or just disturbing sense of humour? I guess both but it doesnt matter because The Hill Does Run Red.

Remember the guy from American Pie: Band Camp? Who played Stiflers cousin?Well he?s in here. Tad Hilgenbrink. Remember the name. He plays as our hero Tyler. A guy whos obsessed with some movie made from the 80?s called The Hills Run Red. THERE IT IS?THE UNPREDICTABLE. Well, the movie was supposed to be gorey as hell so the theatres pulled it out. It was supposed to be very disturbing. With such a past, many kids feel like they have to watch it. So why not find the missig piece. That is the ever so beautiful Sophie Monk who plays Alexa. The daughter of the director who made Hills Run Red. So she should know everything right? Yes, apparently so. Many people have come by for her but it seems Tyler was more succesful. Through its documentary of some stupid film comes along infidelity and horrible discoveries on our little demon babyface.

Baby face?.a grown man who pretends to be chuckie. But he is different then some horror icons. He doesnt walk, he actually runs and USES a gun. First time that has ever happened. Something I did like about the character. he was a cerbral assasin and not some slowminded freak.


The whole setup was built upon the reality of filmmaking. One that uses real blood and expendable people. Now that is just rude but then again, filmmakers find ways to be more original then the other. Sometimes it gets the better out of them like this case. It can ruin credibility. I do admire its effort but it seems kinda dumb. Also, the kills?are not all that inventive. SAW has better days.

*There you past the small spoilers*

Its well crafted but thats not my problem. This film really comes down to taste. And since it kinda played like Hostel, I felt the intentions wasnt much of a slasher flick as much as torture porn. Both can be in the equation but it just wasnt my type of film. Well made to a certainty of questioning the filmmakers motives. It can be skipped as Trick R Treat is out there. But if your a person who can handle such films without yawning and throwing feces at the screen, then go for it.

The Hills Run Red does run red but not in the good red.


Written By: Xou Xiong

Trick 'r Treat

Trick R Treat (2009)

Running Time: 82 Minutes

Rated: R

With so much hype under this film, I felt inclined to take a stab at it. Out of curiosity, they were right and I was suprised. With a lot of stupid horror movies that come out, it seems the genre has died. Yet little films like this come by and revives what seems poisoned and deflated. Its characters are sublime yet disgusting. Its director is a man who reeps from the shadows of a great one. Several heros are not enough, only a villian that stands out like a fat guy with a beer keg on his back. Its title doesnt fool, it only shows up both literally and figuratively. Its holiday becomes more then just a celebration but a epidemic that shapes society into menacing freaks and disturbing beings. The frequency of its pranks are as high as its ability to gross the shit out of you. Complexity of its tales that comes from only horror masters and not students. From each kill to each candy bar comes a terrifying film that brings both tradition and sadism to its feet. Little does detail become a problem. Only your appetite and humanity as well. Poetry of torture and songs of the dead cure only horror lovers. For everyone else, you might as well skip it. The chocolate barf should be enough. But is there problems with the film? Almost not entirely but it does have its quirks. Just like every other horror film. From classics to cheap couch flicks, there are always problems. Its the length of it that matters. And so far?.not so much.

Theres truly no ONE person in this film exept our little bad boy sam. Who is a pumpkin kid who drags a bag with him. It seems like theres a cat in it but who cares. He looks adorable. But dont let that look fool you. He can be very mean and spooky. He just appears out of nowhere waiting for you to blow out a candle. But there are four stories here. All of them linked together through our little pumpkin boy. One is a bus accident, the wolfpack girls, sadistic school principle, and Sam?.our little boy. All tragic stories yet somewhat silly and unforgivable. These 4 stories kinda tie in the holiday of Halloween and shows the importance of it. I honestly feel that it was made to scare kids on halloween but whatever, it scared me. Not a whole lot of these stories jump out exept the bus incident where kids prank another which leads to disasterous results. Torwards the end?you will know what I mean. Its freaky. And hell?I am not going to some foggy lake to put out pumpkins. I want to live!

Truly our festivities on this late horror holiday can surely be fun and daring. Well, so is this movie. Michael Dougherty has been a sideshow with Bryan Singer. Now he is on the spotlight and does a tremendous job presenting horror like John Carpenter did on this dreaded holiday. Trick Or Treat? I want both but I could only get one. I guess I got the treat as I had a hell of a time watching this. Its like watching halloween with the offspring of hell just ravaging a town with its traditions and pumpkin smashing. Can it be quite harmful to show this to kids on a halloween night? Never! It shall puff, it shall huff, and scare you out of your house. Its creepy pumpkin boy Sam and the hot sorority girls can be both treat and trick. Never does this film be a complete horror makeover of something we have seen before. Its mixed and clever enough to present its material with great motivation and substance. After viewing this, I thought of all the Halloween pranks I used to do and I feel extremely guilty. But more importantly, afraid. Should Bryan Singers protoge be the next pupil that ripps away from sensei? Maybe if he plays his cards right. But as of now, he?s probably there. With this all new squirmy tall tale that freaks out kids, parents, and me. Well lets say 4 tall tales. Like a Stephen King novel, it just creeps you out.

Judging from its source, its as good as it gets. One of the best horror films this year and possibly a top 20 this decade. Shouldnt treat a film based on its title or cover. Judge it when it forces you to wet yourself. Or maybe barf out chocolate. Nevertheless, its a great adaption. My favorite part? Well Sam of course. I thought he was a badass. Although I am curious of who he really is. Maybe the spirit of Halloween but thats a long shot. Or maybe I?m correct. It doesnt matter, he kicked ass.

Trick R Treat is both sadistic, spooky, and disgusting to the factor of submission to a genre that has been controversial since Texas Chainsaw Massacre.


Written By: Xou Xiong

Love Happens
Love Happens(2009)

Love Happens (2009)

Running Time: 109 Minutes

Rated: Pg-13

When a movie is about getting over a lost loved one, there are always room for tears and acceptance. Although the arguement is how someone becomes famous because of it can sometimes be a ignorant scenerio but see it in a different perspective. He still hasnt forgot his wife. Whoops, part of the story. I apologize. Jennifer Aniston obviously isnt much of a star. Only when shes doing it with other big name actors will her name be on top. Other then that, almost seems depressing for her to try. With the exception of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. But its a show I dont really care about it either. Now for Aaron Eckhart, its almost the same thing. Other then Dark Knight, I dont really know if he has done anything spectacular. So two nearly unknown individually hollywood spaz stars come together in this romantic drama that could at least prove that they can be good in some regards. In this case, yeah. Purley simple with no complexity or subtlety. Just the pure understanding of human development through harsh times. It documents it well without the effect of melodrama. Where two stars come off the big show into something small and mindly adorable. Is that enough for someone to sit this past without question or hatred? Yes, it can. Does it matter how many seminars you have to hear before your wet of tears? No, it doesnt. Its not a love or hate affair. Its an affair that people can relate to. That can surely justify your opinion on this film.

Aaron Eckhart is Burke. A man who lost his wife in a vehicle accident. One that shattered his life until he wrote a book about how to live through such disasters called A-Okay!, interesting isnt it. Also, easy money. People lose loved ones every year and can surely get a tip on how to proceed with life. So through his book brought success and hope. Hope falls upon his customers while success falls upon himself. But you can say he is still a victim. Because you see?the internal conflict between him and his past still resides despite leading a pack of humans through the joyful seminars. Well not all of them. One of them involved walking on hot coal. But with every lost wife, there is a replacement. As hard as that sounds, its the correct statement. So the flower girl seems like the perfect choice. The flower girl who pretended to be deaf. That girl happens to be Eloist(jennifer Aniston). A girl he can never leave behind almost and seems a little creepy since his curiousity kinda became more of stalking. But she is the step forward. The movie truly speaks volumes when they use Eloist in that specific way. It makes the film a little bit more pleasant however women might objectify.

I have never lost a loved one although I have been to a funeral. So my experience wouldnt be to reliable to this film. But based on human evaluation, I think it did a good job exploiting and honoring it. What was cute about this film was that it uses basic fundamentals of havig fun to redistribute lost time and human interaction. Something that our guy has been missing for sometime. And by human interaction, I mean dating. He is both dry and needy. Two ordinary adjectives that define most single men.

Never does this film try to overcome its audience with sadness, it tries to brighten up the screen with the little things appreciated. Seldomly, you feel alright. Erase the cliches and the quirky romance that Aniston brings and focus yourself on the secondary. One that talks to us in a very soft tune but with a mighty voice. Truly, its where your time will be better spent. Not with Aniston but with the small support group. Now admittingly, the film is supposed to be about the two leads breaking apart into something that can become loveable. Their chemistry is supposed to shine and its moments special. Yet I stand here just whistling through. Not a single movement to wether these two make a great couple. I was more inclined of the sub plots. Is that good thing? On the two stars, no. But to anyone else, yes.

As I?m writing just about now, many people are coming up with some ?clever? one liners to sum up the entire film. Like Love Happens is not happening. That is to their dismay. While they are clearing that up with the world, I?m sitting here realizing that Love Happens is a film that can be both cute and sentimental. Not to the level like the Enlgish Patient but to the level of tolerance. Can we really hate a movie about lost loved ones? Yes when they preclude the following. A great love story between our two leads. Not much to work with for Aniston and Eckhart but surley something that they can handle. Like I said, simple.

Inspiring to its last moment of silence, this film preaches the right way however presents its ideal goal in the most cliched way. So and So becomes literally So and So. But I will have to give it a pass. A film so delighted on human development and keen on forgiveness that I cant help but smile at the end. Honestly, I couldnt stop smiling. Its unclear how but its answer is only 2 hours away. What helps a sad moment? Well music of course and it seems to have a strong effect. One so strong, I fell for it.

Truly explicable through its seminars and honest enough in its short monologues that this Love affair between us and the screen can become reality. We can come to love this film. Only if we try to and not exploit its every mistake. Does it feel like many other romantic comedies/drama? In so many ways. Yet its forgivable moments come when its supporting cast comes up with some heart or when a clever line is spoken. That is where we draw the line and say, Love does happen. Because it does, doesnt it. Otherwise, why do we try to move on or live with others. Its fine line on being humanly as possible is the reason we can enjoy this piece. Not for being romantically broken in terms of being operatic. There is a lesson, one that must be found. First time director Brandon Camp surley knew what he was doing, he was just seeing if we did.

Love Happens is a small achievement, not huge or titanic, just something that we can hold dear long enough to tolerate for the most part. Which is a seemingly quirky romantic story between Flower girl and Guru.


Written By: Xou Xiong


When everything looks dazzling, you get amazed, even to the state that you feel comfortable until everything else appears in your mind. At that point, you turn off your t.v.


Whiteout (2009)

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Rated: R

Walking into this film, I was thinking about a supernatural movie. Some type of monster that supposingly lives in Antartica. And then I went into some research and found out it was based on a comic book. A crime drama it seems. So maybe, a crime drama on the supernatural. Like kills that dont come by very often or just sick rituals. After seeing the trailer, thats exactly how I thought. Could I be so wrong? I guess everybodies guess was as good as mine. Unless they read the comic book. Boy, was I wrong. Kate Beckingsale, a natural beauty tags along Domonic Sena. The guy that brought us the interesting thriller, Gone In Sixty Seconds. So this is it right? Ultimate thriller. With hot girls and cool cars? No, its frat parties in bunkers, snow mobiles, sleds, beer in dry ice, and Kate Beckingsale. Guess which one is better?.Its obvious but guess. Despite me walking into the unknown, I kinda felt the film would be a brainwash and somewhat disappointing adaption of some snowy murder case that plays out like every other murder case. So instead of the fountain of youth and originality, its the youth of profound cliches. Despite its clear flaws, you can always hope that this film will end up as cheap fun or a guilty pleasure. Yet a guy whos in retirement comes out of it to do one last case that would probably be the case of his life. Literally.

The murder mystery case comes about in the opening sequence where a plane crashes. Some say incidental, some say foul play. So why not make an investigation. Why not introduce Kate Beckingsale in a shower scene where she tells a guy that shes in the shower. Like the audience is stupid and the characters are deaf. But what seems to trouble me is that she finds all her answers by talking to people. Well not all of the answers but key. That is some intelligent agent. If thats how it works, everybody is a winner. A lot of cliches takes course in this film that sincerly slows the film down. Like a part where she gets chased by a unknown killer, wakes up in her place with a bad dream, bumps into a man, tells him ?hows his chin?, and he replys ?hit you in the head?. What kind of message does that tell you? Maybe hes the unknown killer. How many times does a film let you on like that. Wether he is or not is not the reason for slowing down. Its the scenerio that sets it up. Your like ?what the hell, I?ve seen that before?. And I say, ?yes you have?. Does it have to repeat? Most likely. And it seems every agent has some past that blinds their future. As if they are not sure what to do or sometimes halted. Why is that? No monkey off the back equates to complicated scenerio. A large part of the film tries to reveal secrets and often create more mysteries. It doesnt quite solve it all until our hero feels like its the end of the world and everything must be stopped or supposingly earth is in danger. When it really is just her or Antartica but who lives there.

The probability of seeing this film as CSI: Antartica is probably the correct answer. Just a bigger budget and its one long episode. Where everything is scientific and past events conclude to embodiments of truth and self conscience. Is it worth ones while? I highly doubt it. Its highly boring for the first hour until it turns out into nonstop fistfights. Where Kate becomes Selene and just topples every enemy in her path. Just no guns, only pickaxes. So my idea of the supernatural seems quite false and I feel incredibly dumb thinking so. Maybe the trailer shouldnt had made that eerie noise every time someone falls into a pit. Then again, the film industry is a lie.

When you can see the different twist coming and the plot seems predictable, your kinda hoping that someone gets naked soon. Otherwise, why should I bother. Kate?anything? There are no penquins, no sealions, no polar bears, only the snow that has more screen presence then the cast. Then you think to yourself, ?boy did I waste 12 dollars? and such a response is natural. There is a little hope in the end, and then it shoots you down with a spear gun and drags you across the icy field until the whiteout shadows your every thought and is no longer relevant. Maybe the Whiteout forced Domonic to be blinded. In the end, he just crams together crap while resolving with the novel or book. It doesnt even matter now. Because the movie sucks.

Other then Snow and Kate, nothing really comes to life. Just crap and flashbacks. Does that soothes anyone or interest anyone? No, it doesnt. Yet it keeps happening. A lesson is learned. No one can say what it is nor teach it. Its just shown. Only way to pick yourself up is to do a remake and maybe some nudity in the shower with Kate. Or why not remove the cliches and stop using the special moments of ?us being friends?. It really is getting old. One thing I did like, the soundtrack and how the guy who was behind everything does a major sacrafice and the film ends. Maybe thats two things. But then again, who cares now.

Never does Whiteout exceeds its setting nor is the premise all that exciting, it just disappoints.


Written By: Xou Xiong

p.s - This is horror? WTF!

Another p.s - The Ending is the best!


ZombieLand (2009)

Running Time: 80 Minutes

Rated: R

Being anti-belimick and socially inept of trying to work things out with zombies is what this film brings. A group of panzees who excell at chopping of heads and violently punishing its zombie victims. But how can you blame them. They are just trying to survive. Jesse Eisenberg returns from the family drama and becomes the ultimate Michael Cera in this seemingly ultimate zombie flick. A zombie flick that gives you rules of what to do in each scenerio. Incline on being the next Shaun Of The Dead, lets see if americans can be humerous when it comes to zombies like the british can. Only this film can surely say how and why. It certiantly doesnt have any strong human morals because a 12 yr old is wielding a gun like its Texas although lessons are learned. And another cowboy who acts like he lives in the spaghetti western. So how does two different people correspond together to simply survive in a place called Zombieland? Well by double crossing eachother while learning a emotional past. One that targets our hero. A complete sattire that for some reason is able to exceed first impressions and garner the full attention of the initiated and the uninitiated. Lets just say that the zombie genre is far from over despite some horrible adaptions. There are films like this that can simply overlook our judgement. One that can suprise despite its corny title. The Post Apocalyptic zombie fare has its price but its pays well.

Eisenberg in this film plays nearly the same character he played in Adventureland. The college kid whos trying to see if his parents are all right in Ohio. His name is Columbus, go figure. His other companion is a guy whos goal is to claim the remaining twinkies left in the world. Or should I say United States. His name is Tallahasee. Cant tell why but I believe this is what people call humour or imaginative alias. The two are joined on their way learning eachother while playing the rulebook of zombieland. One of em is to try and be the the hero. I guess thats a rule for everyone. But a film is not complete without girls right? So why not add Abigail breslin, a shoddy 12 yr old girl and Emma Stone, the uptight bitch. Two girls that are cunning and cute. Two reasons why they get away with a lot of things. Like frauding the gas station guy for 400 dollars on a dollar tree engagement ring. But there is more to this simple story. Its the track of being human. Otherwise your zombies. Theres a scene in the film where Eisenberg states that you have to enjoy the little things in life otherwise your a zombie. Anyone can relate to that statement. From what seems like a foolish video game stated to destroy all zombies actually redeems its otherwise shoddy story with life morals and romance. Although I questioned the use of guns by a 12 yr old girl not in the presence of hunting but pointing it at a grown man, it never really bothered me down the stretch.

Often hilarious to watch with its clever dialogue and chuckling moments, this film wins by more then a mile. There is one particular scene where Bill Murray plays as himself who acts like a zombie and is mistakenly shot by Columbus. The first reaction, LAUGHT OUT LOUD. It can feel gimmicky and rushed but it seems understandable. It doesnt follow through with the set plot but often changes its course into something special. Something easy and normal and anyone could live with that. I mean, who doesnt like a guy in a snakeskin coat who kills zombies while savoring the flavor of twinkies. And if you dont, I question your descision. Joking aside, you will find that Zombieland provides more then just guns and zombies.

Ruben Fleischer does a great job doing this for basically the first time. The adaption to what some might call the american Shaun Of The Dead, seems a little better then Shaun Of The Dead. Not because its american cheesy but its a smart and funny film. Who uses its characters at their strengths and takes advantage of each moment that spurs out laughter. It doesnt quit and it definantly doesnt disappoint. Its an image that is both disgusting yet alluring. Its a epidemic that is biased yet humerous. The attack on the obese is quite clear in this film. Its hurtful but you cant help but laugh. Not a hate crime, just suprisingly humerous in a world that doesnt take humour serious anymore. Its basically art in near perfection. One that is filled with its abstract characters while being coated in spilled blood. Its Picasso doing zombie art. Shape one eye the other way and his work does look like zombies.

For what it is, its quite one of the best zombie films in some time. Probably the best in the decade. Hurtful?yes but hilarious piece of work. It does well in comedy and it does well in horror. Not the creepiest movie but to admit that there is at least one or two scary moments in the film is quite the moment of truth. Although I dont know which zombies are the universal average since there are many prototypes, but I like the quick ones. Its more stylish and more cerebral. You have to like them more because the slow ones are so easy to die. Or easily fooled with. Lets just say they?re boring.

Throw out the inquiries of Zombieland and imagine it to be something more then just Zombies. Its message is quite clear in narrative response and its excitingly one of the best films of the year. Nut Up Or Shut Up. Zombieland is in town.


Written By: Xou Xiong

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Reviews coming soon

- Pandorum

- Fame

- The Surrogates

- Sorority Row

- Whiteout

Super Troopers

Reason for this film to completely fall apart was how dumb this film was. Maybe the best scene was from the fast food restraunt where the fat guy gets picked on. Other then that, seems like a Seth Rogan ripoff.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

I do feel that this was the strongest of the series of prequels. The transition of light and dark. From jedi to sith lord. Something that is both terrifying and desperate. Hayden's performace actually improves at a much higher level and actually was pretty convincing since his last film. The darkest chapter and honestly one of the better ones.

Now Anikan is all but hungry for power and his influence lies within deep into the republic. However, its not a good thing. Those were just a stepping stone to what seems to be the final result of galactic space. And ultimately, the creation of Darth vader. I might seem like I'm letting a little bit on but if you have seen the first two, then the whole Vader thing should stick onto your head. His mentor nor his love can protect him FROM THE DARK SIDE. I have always wondered if the dark side was any relevence to satan workshipping. Nevertheless, the Jedi and Sith connection bears upon religion.

From epic soundtrack to one of the most memorable endings, this latest installment truly dignifies its predecessors. Three films linked to a dark past. One that shaped the episodes of 4,5, and 6. People criticize the prequels to much yet they dont seem the understand the similiarities. Often small mistake but one that should be reviewed. No one couldve done it better and Darth definantly needs a past. Otherwise some of the moments in the original just seems a little messed up.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones

Some call it better then episode one but to me, far worse. You see, episode one actually was entertaining without the quarrel of romance. In this flick, a once adorable 10 yr old pod racer became a horny and arrogant 20 yr old padawan. How he came to love her and how no facial changes was made truly tells you what will happen. The romance was pure awkward and the lines seemed to impatient as each actor was waiting for each of their line to end. It almost becomes unbearable.

Hayden Christensen plays as the new Anikan. Who has never seen the princess in 10 years. The world is a little different now. He is a Jedi, mom is gone, and he is falling into forbidden love. Kind of like that Romeo & Julliette contra. The story serves no other purpose but to show the growth of Anikan. How he becomes more mature and more independent. One thing I did like in the film. Many people criticized that Darth vader is being exposed as a sorry kid instead of a total badass but I feel this brief connection truly shows how human Vader is. And all villians need to be human at some point and not completely be Jason Vorhees.

Although Haydens performace was a hit and miss affair, the kid does have screen presence. And although a lot of stupid moments in the film like the seemingly unpleasant conversations between him and senator Padme and the mothers death right on schedule, this film still has the purpose of entertainment that the old star wars flick had. And thats action. Lots of action. Not to mention a super cool light sabre fight between Yoda and Count Dooku. Things never end with Star wars.

My biggest problem with the film was how stupid its moments can be sometimes. The relationship between Padme and Anikan along with Anikans mothers death right on time when he saves her. How could that ever happen. Was her will power saying "wait for Anikan then die?". Honestly, I dont care to bother. As a small Star Wars fan, this sequel to a prequel is just not that good in comparison. Definantly not better then the orginal films. Its fancy but not entirely clever.

Kiki's Delivery Service

Purley set as a stepping stone for teenagers, never does this film realize that its a kids film. A short review for the magical. Kikis delivery service is an adventure that dignifies its characters with grace and inner strength. Determination and love drive these characters to be who they are and thats simply being human(although she's a witch). Learn each mistake and grasp the oppurtunities. Learn to excell but control as well. This might as well be a documentary on human development. Kiki is cute and likeable but nothing beats her cat.

Crank 2: High Voltage

Never seen the first film so my intelligence on Chev Chelios is rather limited. Only to know that he is a relentless killing machine. The thing about this film is that it doesnt transcend anything. It stays with itself becoming that love or hate affair. If your are a Statham fan or a action buff, you might think this is the best film of all time. If your not, this is pure trash that you wished you can get your hands on Mr. Neveldine and Taylor and choke them to their deaths. Knowingly in the middle. As I sit here with the majority that although the film is fast paced and crazy, its story is nothing new and its a cheap version of Speed. Instead of a bus, its a electroid human who doesnt die despite falling a mile high from the ground.

Since his inception, Jason has always done action films. From Transporter to the Bank Job, all his films are always about him ripping off his shirt and beating up bad guys. This one is no different exept he has a artificial heart that runs on battery. Someone obviously took out his heart so now he must find it. By raiding tittie bars and chasing down asian and mexican gangs. But first...why not have sex in public with a girlfriend who thinks your dead. Not only that, make her witness the horses penis while performing vulgar acts on the race track. Crazy? Its not even the word.

With as much nudity as Girls gone wild and as much silly ideas as porn stars rioting about salaries, this film alone seems really idiotic. What savors this film from utter bitterness is the taste of raw violent action that features one of todays best action stars. And truly you get something that can easily be forgettable but can be a good time while progressing through what could be traumatizing. Guilty pleasure? Totally!

There was a rumor that a third film was in the make and I could only imagine how that will play out. Maybe far more perverse then this but if it does, its gonna get the X mark on it. Who knows, maybe the story could change and the mark of a good film can be about but we could imagine.

Nausicań of the Valley of the Wind (Kaze no tani no Naushika)

Little did I ever imagine a world where insects grow to the size of airships and little girls who become the pinnacle of heroines. Yet everytime I watch a Hayao Miyazaki film, it always end up that way. To that design, I am glad to have him around. His films are inspirational and the art is pure bliss. Purley in 2D but its content surely divides what is eye candy and what is extraordinary. You dont need 200 million dollars, you just need Hayao Miyazaki.

Safe to say his work is amazing but this was one of the fewer films that I couldnt enjoy as much as the others. But to most, still a great film to see. Its about a girl by the name of Nausicca. The princess of the valley of the winds. A small town that accepts the wind and water instead of consulting machines. There valley seperates them from the jungle. A toxic jungle that create spores that would eat away the town. But thanks to her unusual power and the forest that divides the two lands truly gives them a peaceful life. But every nice town needs someone to come in and take over.

Kushana and her evil plan along with the Pejite playing war can surley test a town that hardly ever fights. But the thing about this film is that there is truly no villian. They are all components of survival and tries everything to do so. Even if innocent lives were at stake. You almost have to feel sorry for them as thier plans of a new future is nothing more then just to mimic those before them. A film where villiany is not the true aspect but the connection of rivals between insects and humans. Something unnatural but certaintly new. Definantly a breath of fresh air.

Everything I said is almost positive but what keeps me from being at awe with this piece is that it can drag at times. Not because its long(Runtime is only 1 hr and 40 min) but the situations and scenes that seem long. It feels like your stuck almost. Despite great voice power behind it(FYI - Patrick Stewart) but the scene just feels dragged or prolonged. Nevertheless as an overall film, still pretty good. Its not promoting violence or whoring earth but really to appreciate it despite its form. For people to come together in harsh times and use the magic of words then to carry sticks.

Inventive and adventurous but wouldnt say its perfect. But will say that you should grasp its message and hold it dear.

The Wizard of Oz

Back then..Masterpiece.....now, almost a masterpiece. Why? The special effects is amazing and as I was watching this in history class, I found myself stuck in the world of witches and wizards. Tink tink and Lion equates to humour. Scarecrow and Dorothy equates to awkward romance. I hardly remember the film but as i remember it, simply great.


Pleasantville is a pleasant film. Before Spiderman and before Legally Blonde, there was Pleasantville. A film about two teenage kids that go back in time in the old days. The days where people say "Honey, I'm Home". But its really not the past as much as being transferred to T.V Land. I often want myself to be transferred to I love Lucy. I would love to spend a moment with her. She is quite dandy.

Tobey Maguire and Reese Witherspoon are siblings. One is socially inept and the other is a bitch. But that doesnt help them from escaping reality. Parents are divourced and the mother is struggling. So why not escape life and walk into one that is pure perfect. One that has no conflict and carry a unlimted supply of bacon and pancakes. But humerously, one that is black and white. You see where this is going? Some old guy dropps off a T.V remote that basically puts the two in this "perfect" world in order for the both of them to get along with eachother. Now the fun starts and let the sinning begin.

The entirety of the film was to teach family lessons and the same time ruin another. But in other words, you can say "live a little". Pleasantville, may you have sex and start fires. Two things that hardly ever happens in Pleasantville. Also note that Pleasantville was basically earth. Hmm, clausterphobia at its best.

The characters are family fond and play perfect basketball and where simply giving a pen to a classmate means love. Thats where its humour sets off. They are not us and we are not them. But there is something to learn from both sides. And thats appreciation. On both social life and family. Theres a particular scene where Jennifer(Reese) decides to stay in Pleasantville because life was better, while David(Tobey) decides to go back. Those two scenerios tells the audience that acceptance can be found in other places and when that occurs, your likely to stay with it. Although both decisions by the siblings was a little different.

Its charming cast and crafty visuals makes this eye candy but what makes it better is that the message cleary expresses itself in many interpretations. Many films can have a title that end at "Ville" but none of them can compare to that which is pleasant. Simply magnificent and funny in nature. This is where teen comedy takes a stand.

The Silence of the Lambs

What makes Silence Of the Lambs a interesting film is that it informs itself with the novel and the faceoff between Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins is simply exciting and nerve wrecking. What kills the "masterpiece" for me was the outcome. How everything ends with its villian running away in some island. A thing I kind of hate about horror films. These "icons" never die.

Jodie Foster plays as an Fbi Agent who interviews Hannibal lecter for a similiar case of body mutilation. Buffalo Bill. A Chris Crocker whos bent on murder and wearing people skin. This whole movie completely surrounds the conversations of Foster and Hopkins. It sets the tone and ultimately sets the outcome. The title Silence of the Lambs is simply a metaphor that I have yet to decipher. During the interviews, many discoveries come about to each characters past and the answer to finding Buffalo Bill.

Both Foster and Hopkins give incredible performances that really is the bread and butter of the film. Without them, this thriller is at lost. I never found it to be scary or creepy but just exciting. Never have I ever found two people talking to be exciting. Its psychological mind games and fast paced thriller make this certiantly a thing to see. Other then being exciting, one can say this film is disgusting. You dont know why Buffalo bill does what he does although they do talk about it, I felt the motivation is pure silly. I guess one plastic surgery really does matter to people....

Silence Of the Lambs is a provacative thriller that sets itself in its own crime drama following two crazy killers who dont just kill thier victims but do nasty things as well. Funny how horror back then refered to slashers and deformed monsters like Frankenstein. Now its Jigsaw and Hannibal. Whos next? People who make smoothies out of human body parts? I hope not. Nevertheless, this is an exciting film to see. Sometimes its wierd but not enough to overcome its greatness.


Dont know if its every nerds dream to score with a hot chick before graduation unless they were princess Leia but its humour and appreciated ending is what makes this film awesome.


Dont know what to speak out of this but was sincerly disappointed. Not as a HP Lovercraft fan or anything. Just as a simple viewer. When I looked up the dictionary for the word creepy and sadistic, they dont say anything about Dagon. Actually, nothing says anything about Dagon exept my opinion of such a weak film that uses foriegn language to create scares. But to think about it, the voices of the "monsters" in this film sound a lot like the "zombies" in Resident Evil 4.

Catch Me If You Can

Based on a notorious genuis back in the 60's, this film brings back the life of a legend. One that can compromise that of the wary and the tolerant. Only Spielberg could pull this off and I was right. Both Dicaprio and Hanks brought life to their already interesting characters. Characters who like us are flawed beings but sure knows how to make life exciting. Maybe we can learn from them. Not saying that people should forge checks or try to chase people across the country but live a little.

Dicaprio plays as the young teen Frank Abagnale whos alias reaches well over 4. Playing a doctor, pilot, substitute teacher, and a lawyer. But his real identity is this kid who tries to take back what the government stole from him and his fathers business. Sounds like a great plan because lets face it...the IRS isnt tax friendly. His alias helps him to forge checks and travel across the country. But doing that to many times and the government will open their eyes and send out a southern speaking Tom Hanks to chase you down. The film undoubtly becomes a never ending chase game that ultimately shows its true colors of the characters and leave off emotional discoveries.

With an all star cast and a three time academy award winning director, a film like this could always jump start in the right direction. One that gives us a hell of a time. A entertaining crime drama that not only has comedy but action of wits as well. No explosions and no gunfights but the mentality game that is put forth is quite the game break.

A charming film that actually makes crime look beautiful. A experience that truly dwells within the word adventure. And two characters that can be loved by almost anybody. I actually didnt hate Frank. I consider him the greatest genuis in fraud history. A truly magnificent film that I can surely love and hope you will to.

Speed Racer
Speed Racer(2008)

The Wachowski brothers return in their special effects extravanganza that totally concludes to cartoon visuals and the horrible acting of Roger Allam. Based on the hit anime series, I was kind of hoping for the better. But really, it was just plain nauseating.

Hirsh plays as Speed Racer, some name that is. He plays the boy who lives on the tracks who's soul is entrapped by his Mach 5. Obviousaly the movie is about racing, and he races through many tracks of icy mountains and the grand prix that looks like a lego buildup race track. But hey, its a cartoon.

What makes this cool? Well because it looks like a comic book and it certaintly got my attention. I wonder how Tron would feel after seeing this?

Castle in the Sky

A complete adventure that soon signifies his recent masterpieces. One that uses machines and magic while promoting enviromentalism. Hayao Miyazaki used this film as a stepping stone and it became a great one. This film truly introduces Hayaos talent.

His two characters Pazu and Sheeta are monuments of love and friendship. Two characters that run away together from Pirates and the military in hopes of finding a floating castle called Laputa. Dont know how people call the place Laputa and not really sure if its the real name. But despite whatever questions arise, the city is built of great treasure and godlike technology. Two inspirations that lead our heros and villians in a cat and mouse game.

This story is never old or new. Its a classic adventure of simply discovering the unbelievable and the unnatural. Most of them are components of fear and love. With a stellar soundtrack and colorful visuals, this charming story never fails to execute and its material is exciting enough for everyone to enjoy. Adults or children, one cannot deny Castle In The Sky its crowning achievement.

Mamma Mia!
Mamma Mia!(2008)

problem for me was the singing stole the show and all I could really do was dance till the music stops or until I'm tired of hearing it despite the weak singing talent. Apparently, thats not how you make a good movie, even if it is a musial. It needs to be more then just dancing till your hung over or sing till your throat is clogged of sand.

The Other Boleyn Girl

Wether the book is better or not, I dont care. Wether the history stays honest or this is cheap drama, I dont care. What I do care is that I found this film to be provacative, thrilling, and the performances was more then inspiring. Bad movie, book better. Its funny how people SAY THAT ALL THE TIME. Yet one who never reads the book will find themselves entrapped by the films energy. Its pace, its enviroment, its charactrs are all riveting pieces of work that truly honors its own figure. Do yourself a favor and not be that person who says book better, movie sucks because lets face it, it has become a universal cliche. So dont read, just watch. Your time will be better off and you wont be those diehard fans that tries to attack every little misfire and cries about lack of detail. Because honestly, they are only wasting time and money.


Relativly frightning and although this character resembles Sam Witwicky in some way, the film carries the material well along with other teen elements that become more interesting then your average.

Smart People
Smart People(2008)

When Ellen Page comes out of X-men and show her true talent and when Sarah Jessica Parker does something other then humping rich men, a funny yet charming film can be about.


Not quite as impressive as Ridley's version or Camerons version but its still quiet entertaining knowing whats behind it. The alien can look fake sometimes and the whole hypersleep is getting a little old. But what makes it work is that it takes a new setting. Not a military base or a vessel but a prison.

Weaver returns as Ripley who now once again almost dies in her hypersleep as her little vessel crashes on some planet that embodies a maximum security prison that has now become a dirty church for criminal janitors. And of course an alien was in her vessel and is now killing off the inmates and basically everybody. The obvious is settled and heres Alien playing itself out as usual. Where Ripley does everything.

This is not that bad of a film. It has action and the plot follows generally in the fast pace section where everything hurries unlike the other two where subplots really mean something. Its single minded and thats the survival of the inmates. Using tunnel systems and burning lead to destroy the alien, the action becomes more cerebral. More natural and simple. What doesnt work? Well its quite easy. It almost plays out like the same film Cameron made a few years ago.

Ghost Ship
Ghost Ship(2002)

Ghost Ship is the type of movie that starts off well but then quickly becomes very silly. It went from Ghost Ship to impossible Ghost Ship. It went from creepy boat to illusion boat. It went from good acting to a very imaginative sense of facial expressions. I will like to say that this is a piece of crap floating on the seas which needs to stay there. There is gold but is it worth your hour and a half?

Julianna Margulies leads this crew of actors into a stranded boat which hit internatinal waters and whatever treasure is to be found can be there when they hit port. So, sounds all col right? Go look for some gold and walk out millionares. Problem is...the ship is haunted. Through many supernatural events and some disturbing discoveries, the crew find themselves in a hole. Their boat sinks and now they have to repair the big luxery boat that doesnt seem all that pleasant.

What can be said is that the film starts of nicely. It sets up a nicely creepy tone while maintaining that spiritual value of horror but it slowly degrades into rust as the plot explains itself. These characters are all rather innocent and have no huge sin to be burdened with the dead. Yet they do. Because they were on the ship and was trying to loot crates of gold that was put there by..accident or not. Nevertheless, they all become idiots.

But like every other horror film, they all set off on their own and get killed one by one by spirits that lure them to places that will cause them to fall into deep deep holes just like the sea. After the first 30 minutes, this film is pure crap that falls extremely short of the word decent. Hardly any scares and really borrows a lot from other ghost ship movies or is this one the only one out there. Whatever the case, I dont feel like watching another Ghost Ship movie.

Spirited Away

Hayaos spritual film that takes leave from castles and forest. Rather to target a true spiritual world. One that dwells within death and grief. Or in her case, deformation. Whatever the case, its charm flourishes with its colorful visuals along with a astounding soundtrack that speaks both language and heart.

Favorite Miyzaki Films So Far

1. princess Mononoke
2. Howls Moving Castle
3. Spirited Away
4. Ponyo

Jennifer's Body

After being eye candy for Michael Bay?s Transformers, Megan Fox has the idea of trying to be on her own. Will that affect her career like Jennifer Aniston? Who knows. Despite having those tatoos and being compared to tough girl Angelina Jolie, she might as well try to be her. To try and be more then just a FAD and actually become a longtime movie star. So why not and start it with Diablo Cody. A academy award winning writer. The one who brought us Juno. The one that forced teenage pregnancy on every high school known to america. But it seems this will not be another family drama/comedy that tackles real life but a horror comedy. A organ eating cheerleader that can force a boner in less then 3 seconds. But there is a small hero in all of this. Amanda Seyfried. The hot chick from Veronica Mars and I?m not talking about Kristin Bell. So why not make a movie with two beautiful girls and make them BFF while trying to survive a comedy gore. I guess Diablo Cody saw something special and Karyn Kasuma thinks she can do good with it. Maybe they were right but I highly doubt it. After seeing the trailer, my opinion seems more and more clearer but films can often hit you where you never expect it. So is Jennifers Body made for boys to take a peek on the body of Megan Fox or is it good enough to be a decent horror film. Wether its comedy with horror or horror with comedy, its success rides on the shoulders of its two stars and a premise that doesnt lock itself away like some stupid Dracula spinoff.

The film starts of with Seyfrieds character Anita ?Needy? narrating her life as she sits in her dark room in a asylum. Or is it a prison? Who cares, its almost the same. The story draws back into her high school life with her BFF Jennifer. No one can believe they are friends because Seyfried looks like a dork and Megan Fox looks like herself. I guess thats humour for you. Everything seems fine until the two think going to a rock concert and witnissing a fire was the best thing to spend a school night on. Well it was and Jennifer ends up all bloody in Anitas kitchen. Forcing her to clean the mess. What a friend that is. Its like those keg parties where everyone trashes your house and leaves for you to clean up 5 acres of land. Better yet, do it on a hangover. Things get even more wierder as Jennifer starts to show off her true form. A demon like vampire that eats the bodies of boys who seemingly wants to eat hers as well. Things get more crazy as the body count rises and Anita is forced to walk into the occult section of a library. Why does every occult section prove to be the downfall of our villians? Well because its the lazy way to do it.

Through this seemingly off key film that dresses Kyle Gallner as a goth who talks to dead girls and forces Megan Fox to actually try and act, the result is only so and so. Its not creepy and the humour is on the hit and miss basis. So what is this film really? Well its a comedy film that dresses a vampiric demon in a cheerleading outfit. Because if this film was trying to be a horror show, it fails miserably. Suspense is only laughable and the creepy moments only come when Jennifer turns her face into a monster like those in the video game Doom. What can be said is that the acting of Megan Fox has improved. Although not empowering nor memorable, it still proved to be a savior. Lets think hypothetically that if Megan Fox was horrible in her role, lets face it?.the film would tank. However as I continue to dwell into Megans character, its not all that different then who she is now. So I guess the acting part just flew out the window. So is this film rising through our expectations? And the answer is no, it stays with it.

But not all is bad. This film is still pretty hot. From two kissing slumber party girls to cheerleader devouring little boys bodies, I guess you can say this can be a cheap good time. Its dark tone doesnt stay well with its humour and its overly familiar storyline can often press you into submission of complete boredom. But what gives it life is our two stars. Sometimes all a film really needs is two stars that share chemistry and put up a good show. Sometimes good pacing and although familiar but well explained story can often guide us to a more soothing emotion. One that doesnt force us to walk out of the theatre pissed off. Its not classy nor crafty nor admiring nor the dialogue is all that clever but it provides all the great cheese a film can bring you.

Its both gorey and sexy and I guess thats all this film really needs to be. Despite the countless ?I dont believe you mess? that always appear in this film and seemingly in every horror film and the whole ?get away from me, its not safe? epidemic can really test our patience but beyond those horrid cliches, this one can be enjoyable. If you see a little of Megan, awesome. Although there are no boobs, its safe to say theres a little cleavage. With the presence of female dominance and complete disbelief of dorky little girls when they see demons, this film took a few steps forward in the femdom opera genre. But in everything else it tries to be just took a few steps back. Mildy entertaining for its source material but man can they do better. Wether Jennifer is a vampire or a lesbigay( A quote from the film ), this flick actually justifies her in both sadistically and seductively in nature.


Written By: Xou Xiong

The City of Violence (Jjakpae)

Feeling like the Japanese version of Kill Bill, this film brings loads of martial arts violence that transcends those of poetic fighting but often carries the burden of revenge cliches.

The Messengers

The Messengers prove to be semi good when it comes down to flickering lights, scary noises, and rear view incidents, but when asked to do more, I guess you can close the case on this one.

I'm Not There

Really wierd and hard to understand until you really think it out, but what works for it is the master performances by its stars.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

Not perfect, not horrible either. Its cheesy harmless fun that takes a hit on obesity and the amount of food that America takes every year. I guess you can say this film is a slap to the face of the millions of americans who eat fast food every year. Maybe this film can gross them out as if Food Inc hasnt done it yet. Often making their villians bigger and dirtier, this film doesnt promise new hieghts but it gives the normal experience we usually get with animated films. And thats a good time on an evening night. Filled with mild humour and world hunger saving food supply, this films hits enough notes to become a good time. I bet we can all toast to that wont we.

Full Review Here


Friday the 13th Part 2

The lost of Adrienne King in the begining sequence really killed the film as they replaced her with another imitation that lacks presence of that of King. However, considering how bad it couldve been. It was fun.

And once again, new camp counselors build up a small camp near camp blood. Which is a stupid idea but its what this film is about. Stupid characters that do stupid things and die. To their arrival, each of them dies off until the final screamer says no and fights back against Jason Vorhees.

Feels just like the first one. Not a whole lot going for it. But since it feels like the first one, no need to absolutely hate it. Like I said earlier. No King equates to sub par movie.


Where Jackie returns to do his comedy charm with martial arts included, it will always be a sight. Add a cute little baby that promotes emotional feeling, then this film is all good. Now lesson learned. Never put a baby in the washing machine. =D

Princess Mononoke (Mononoke-hime)

When fantasy becomes a tale and imagination becomes reality, its a world anyone can live in with no regret. When a film expresses itself with both remorse and utter pain, it shows its nature of being reality. When the dreams become more transparent, so does ourselves. When fairy tales come to life, so does our imagination. Everything you love in a fantasy film shows up in Princess Mononoke.

Hayao Miyazaki again proves to me why he deserves the crown of anime master. In this epic story about humans and mother nature proves that everyone is flawed and can often correct their own errors. Even gods. What Miyazaki proves in this film is the relationship between humans and the unknown. What we dont know, we fear. When there is fear, war is inevitable. When there is love, peace can be about. The elements that hold us dear to eachother simplifies itself in this epic fable that ties in almost every living creature in the world together.

When Ashitaka gets tangled with a demon boar, a curse is set upon him. Leaving him with dark purple scars across his arm that will slowly eat him apart just like it did to the boar. Seeking a cure, he travels to the land of the west that will ultimately change his life. Sitting in the middle of a war between the humans and the forest gods. To choose one side is one thing. To cure his arm is another. So inclined to save people from death and cure his curse, he decides to become the middleman. But it seems he is more interested in Princess Mononoke. Where romance lives, so does trust. Where death lives, so does new life. When all are stringed together in a pool of events, the judgment of humans as well as the the forest gods will truly express who lives and dies.

Princess Mononoke is a animated achievement that can exceed its first impression. It can later be renowned for its reality based fantasy that tells the importance of life and why the earth needs to stay green. When Hayao Miyazaki makes a film, his points are pretty clear. And it seems to be a trend. Yet the way he does it always suprises me. To promote environmentalism in the most surreal way. To crown its message with epic storytelling and beautiful imagery. Where the colors shows a spiritual presence and its characters are characters and not some phony villian that just kills or some hero that just saves.

The importance of motivation and the use of imagination can surely take a great film and turn it into a unforgettable masterpiece. Wether your for the humans or for the forest gods, you cant help but to feel for both. With abstract characters and often strong independent heroes, its final result is surely captivating. While trying to figure out how animals can talk to humans is still beyond me but its not important but I guess the answer to that question is that they are not just any animal, they are forest gods. Just imagine the Stuart Little film. No one knows why humans can talk to a mice but its not important. They just do.

Its sad to see that this success doesnt find itself in American markets since we are so into melodrama, action, and 3-D. What this film does promise is not the silly explosions that happen for no reason or no transforming robots that carry around a nerd or a hot chick. It promises the essence of feeling. It promises a productive ending that doesnt end in a worldwide cliche but often a simple farewell. There are scenes that just awe , there are moments that seem morally pleasant, and there are emotions that propel its characters to do the right thing.

From amazing visuals to astounding soundtracks, this film might as well be the animated Lord Of the Rings. It surely has a purpose and its presence strong enough to hold. Having seen a few Miyazaki films, its safe to say this was my favorite one. It actually landed in my list as of one of the greatest films ever made. After a disappointing Ponyo, I was wishing for a backup plan. Princess Mononoke was the plan and undoubtly a perfect one. Breathtaking in every aspect, Princess Mononoke is truly one of Japans most shining jewel that not only stands in asian cinema but american cinema as well.

Written By: Xou Xiong

The Lucky Ones

Its nature of being to fraught kinda seems redundant but its likeable characters make up for that. Although I can think of more films that is much sadder then this, this film easily can evaluate lives of soldiors and what they come across in America. Which is a shame but hey americans like to be douchebags.

Following through three unlikely soldiors that dont seem to connect well actually become friends because they all lost something or somebody. On their way home, they venture into the opinions of assholes and get ridiculed by bitches while listening to a priest trying to heal a mans crotch. Seemingly awkward and but definantly real. People are like that sometimes.

This pure charm doesnt fit itself well with society as these characters have awkward moments in society like the bar incident but it can often connect to us in a deeper way. The girl is cute and often turbulent, the mexican is stoic, while the old man is wise. Put the three lucky ones together and you get a fresh cinematic experience in the crossroads.

Written By: Xou Xiong

Angels in America (MINI-SERIES)

Honestly boring and longated to the point of frustration. Even patience can meet its match...this was it.

Feeling to tell the stories of gay jews and mormons while linking them to religion and physiological death, this film truly becomes complete opera in which white figures of light can redeem its closet presence in which the victims preside.

A truly long boring movie with little or no humor and all the while hear a bunch of guys argue about love and dishonesty. Even Angels cant save the America in Angels in America.

Written By: Xou Xiong

The Devil's Rejects

A truly effective killing machine that uses sadistic mind power to overwhelm its victims until fianlly when they scream long enough, their throats are slit. Rob Zombie leaves off his cult classic House Of 1000 Corpses and tries to revisit the gore genre by making a more crazy and uneasy film anyone has ever seen.

When a film is about a family that preys, tortures, and kills, one can say that this film is already going to rock. And when you put in a cop who claims to be gods right arm, this film just took a new height in hollywood. Fix them up in a cat and mouse game while trying to survive several disturbing encounters and this is a masterpiece.

What can be said is this film is somewhat repetitive. It can often become just a torture show that slowly mimics Saw or Hostel. But what can justify its consequences is the intensity of its characters, the unusual suspense, and the powerhouse acting of Bill Moseley.

Hate or love it, easily Rob Zombies best film and one of the better gore films to date. The Devils Rejects just may have marked themselves in horror history. May not be a Michael Myers but certaintly an exciting bunch to see.

Written by: Xou Xiong


What seems like....AHHHH you though i was going to write a review...lol. Most recent, i had written full reviews for films. But to keep you guys guessing, I will postpone.

Star war fans will love this....for anyone else...its just dorks who will never get laid because of this unless a blonde turned brunette like Kristen Bell is a dork as well.

Full Review in Wordpress

Link Here



Delgo is an animated film that is inspired by art and magic. One that uses past material to drag us in its familiar world. With the exeption of fairies and amphibioun characters, this tale is an all right piece of work that can be admired for its attempt rather then to be hated for its dullness.

With an all star cast voicing these all to cliche characters bent on power and love, its effect can easily wear down by its end sequence. How it uses these characters are simply to usual. Pictured like a painting almost, its enriched colors can be delightful but less then spectacular then usual since films like Coraline and Up showed tremendous animations. But I guess it was trying to stand on its own with its pastel art like feel.

Delgo is a lockni. A amphibious looking character who is adventerous and good hearted but is often misguided by a unforgettable past and personal hatred. Although you cant blame him. He is the center of the story and he plays a hero one can relate yet one has seen before. He gets in trouble when an altercation occurs with the Nohrin princess. She soon turns missing in the second altercation that the Locki and Nohrin go to war. Something that is inevitable when a kings daughter is kidnapped. Trying to save his people, Delgo rushes through banished lands to beat up orcs and argues with a nohrin general to save what can possibly end a war.

Its just exactly like how people say it as it is. Its to cliche and the hallmark really lands on cheap charm and some nice visuals like the stone cave. Its art and real good art but after a while, you feel like you have to be stoned to love this. It doesnt look like the other animated films like "Up" as it tries to be colorful. The film team might think it works but it just might backfire as people call this wierd. And in certain scenes, it can be. Its like watchig Bob The Builder or those Barbie movies. Where animations rely on clay like characters and settings that has color but no drawback or strong lighting.

Delgo is a harmless film, one that doesnt pursue its goals in trying to become original but it ends up as a cheap flick you watch on a rainy day. It is enjoyable and the voice acting is not bad. It can be colorful and it can be entertaining. But if you want something really enriched and well layed out, I guess you can take a shot at something else like Up or Coraline.

Delgo is cheap, unoriginal, and a odd piece of work but the effort behinds its voices and colorful imagery just might be enough for you to give it a chance.

Written by: Xou Xiong

I Can Do Bad All By Myself

Tyler Perrys work is both funny and meaningful. Yet they are coming to be these familiar work focused on the backbone of the darker parts of New York. Should he make another film, maybe less drama. These films are based off his hit stage plays. Plays that are often enjoyable. So his adaptions are might as well be shot by shot. Dealing with prostitutes and drug addicts, these plays focus on human morals while making you snicker around the ever so lovely Madea.

Tyler Perry is a funny intelligent man that knows what he is doing. But his work is slowly wearing me down. I guess I found these subplots to be annoying and often in the way. Like Madea goes to Jail had a subplot that although has ties to the main storyline, it often takes to much screen time. Things like that affect this movie.

Taraji P Henson comes off an oscar performance portraying a selfish women who drinks and sleeps with married men. Her sister is a drug addict and Grandma is missing. Other family member that still stands is within a bar hostess called April. She's grouchy and has to deal with a rude teenage girl who is often more mature than any character in the film despite being incredibly stone hearted and somewhat unnapealing. The story kicks in with child molestors and a columbian orphan who can fix homes starts flying into the lives of April. Tryin to live with both while managing kids can be something else. It slowly draws itself out as conflicts become to hard on themselves and April wants to learn how to love. The whole thing was set for love.

Sung by strong vocalists with music that defines characters and assemble events, one can say that this is a two hour long music video. Madea is funny and the story isnt boring but its quirky and often silly moments really degrade what coudve been a wothwhile cliche. These characters cannot learn to love or care unless someones shoves their face with sad stories and uneven events. I guess you have to attempt to rape a teenage loudmouth to finally open someones eyes. If thats the case, that person might as well learn it elsewhere.

Often seemed preachy and its music is its finest moments, this film might as well be forgettable. Its message about love really shows off its unlovable character and it does everything it can to ruin ones credibility and then ruin it more by giving them a bright spot. That spot often ends the film. Its like a very sad movie till the end. It focuses so much on negatives and it proposes a heavy positive that it means everything is forgiven. Some can tolerate it while I found it to be this....PREDICTABLE.

I guess simple and predictable can fly by ones experience. But it certaintly does not give itself a strong presence. People can remember classics like Little Miss Sunshine or The Color Purple while people can often forget films like this. Why? Because SO MANY PEOPLE have used this premise with not new ideas, just new actors to foil with. But it has its own spunk or flare. Its comedic effect can stand out and its performances are strong enough to overlift what seems like a film projected as overdone.

Henson was great and leaves off where she once was but if it came down to it, I would rather watch her in Benjamin Button. I Can Do Bad All By Myself is overly familiar but with stellar performances and often hilarious moments, this film can easily get a bypass in the "This Film Was Alright" section. Tyler Perry's work is better on stage then it is on screen. Wether you love his work or not, this piece brings nothing new exept to hear Madea yelp out threats at children.

Written by: Xou Xiong

Homo Erectus (National Lampoon's The Stoned Age)

Watching this movie makes me wonder why national lampoon is still making movies but it always suprises me that the amount of pornographic events featuring a amazoness will always get my attention for 30 minutes.

The Hand that Rocks the Cradle

Effective at trying to be thrilling but almost fails due to the silly premise about a jacked up mother bent on breast feeding kids while harming the mentally ill.


Hayao Miyazaki is a anime master. Everyone knows that. But to say the least that this was the my least favorite of his films. Despite being a childrens movie, Howls Moving Castle or Spirited Away had adult themes to them. Making them lovable. While Ponyo acts as a true disney flick. It has its highs and lows but I for one thought it was to childish even for a guy who can accept children films.

Ponyo surfaces around the idea of love and trepidation of the future. It uses its characters to create that brotherly sister bond that we all share unconditionally. It uses its settings to provoke enviromentalists, its strikes promise to humans. Wether the amount of pollution in water or the countless fish that can still live in it can justify this as a great film is still not yet known. Ponyo is clearly childish but can be forgiving in its beautiful imagery and the message behind it.

Frankie Jonas(A product of Disney) voices the charming Sosuke. A young boy whos the son of a Sailor while his mother works at the senior center providing for him. He comes across a odd looking goldfish that is later called Ponyo voiced by Noah Cyrus(Also a Disney Product). Sosuke tries to be this all great guardian by protecting her from harm. The harm results from other children and seniors who could care less anymore. But the biggest conflict is within inside of Ponyos home. You see, Ponyo wants to be human while his father Fujimoto(Liam Neeson) rejects it and often tries to get her back. Eventually he does but she breaks out because that creates another conflict. With her wish coming true due to her strong involvement with Sosuke, its up to her gigantic mother to decide the fate. She opts to leave Ponyo in Sosuke?s hands.

If Sosuke does love her then the balance of nature would begin again otherwise a moon is going to hit earth and water is going to drown the entire country of Japan as that wasnt a problem for Japan in the first place. Miyazaki does his best to tell a story about a young girl seeking freedom through the actions of a boy who seems more mature then half of the characters. But it easily becomes a bit to cliche while riding on the great animations behind it. A lot of the conflicts stand by human pollution and relationships so you either love the people you meet or your world will drown, literally. You choose. Dont worry, I?ll wait.

It is nice to see a male hero rather then the conventional female lead used by Miyazaki. But apparently that idea is not good enough to overcome its final factor. The film is still well done and can be appreciated by all children. But for the adults who want something more, it seems all but lost. I guess you can say, it doesnt have the zest of either Spirited Away or Howls Moving Castle which in my opinion are a better films.

Ponyo might have its highlights of mild humour and cheerful action through beautiful animations but it hides to much and plays to safe. It becomes to much of a childrens movie for me to really appreciate it. Wether Ponyo the cliff surfer or Sosuke the newborn man can make this film or not, its premise is just not that all exciting anymore. Want a great Miyazaki film, go watch Spirited Away to my opinion is his best film.

Written by: Xou Xiong

Jackie Chan: The Myth

Drifted through the past of a warrior while messing around in the present of an archaeologist, Jacke Chan makes this more then a tale but a film served as gentle imagery filled with unconditional romance.


Flawless and almost to violent for T.V, Gerard Butler really outdid himself. The fact that people can control other people sounds all cool and all but what the hell. Your making a movie about people controlling eachother and to do what. Shooting each other heads off becuase they are criminals and they deserve it. If criminals see this, they should kill anyone involved with this work and I would gladly stand by them. Using brain control technology, one can only fear the work presented and it probably sounds far fretched but I bet this was the governments work.

From the same people that gave you Crank, they team up again to make yet another senseless film desired of human bounty. Bloodshed and disgracing mankind is the only success this film will ever find. There are no morals or high pitched characters. They are all either to brutal to understand or just trying to save themselves from getting shot to death. Theres a consistency to these type of films. They all have over top action and it never ends until everyone dies. I think World of warcraft just found its match but apparently Warcraft wins because they bring a sense of humanity.

The scottish guy from 300 comes back to play some hard criminal who is now being controlled by some gamer by the name of Simon(Logan Lerman). Lets get back to the whole game thing. Its called Slayers and each player is a deathrow inmate. If they happen to survive all 30 rounds, they are given their freedom. Cool right. Do what you do best and gain your freedom while doing so. But its dangerous because your facing other violent criminals. Not only that, you dont get to control yourself. The gamers do. So your success rides on their ability. The whole plot surfaces around will. The ability to counter brain control because you dont want to harm your own kid but for some reason you didnt do it because your love was to strong. A rather silly part of the film. Although it shows moral highground, the activity behind it truly does not allow it.

So in all sense to wrap this simple story. He must get his freedom back. Castle(Michael C Hall) is the mastermind behind every detail of the game. I wondered how the government allowed something like this to happen. I guess they just dont care anymore. He is apparently the gateway to freedom. He also, get this...carries the daughter of fellow inmate Kable(Butler) who is our protagonist. OOOOOh twist. So just get it to your head. Man wants his life back. Plain and simple.

Its to violent to say this was brutally cool and the story is to stupid to say it was original. It would take my entire soul to say that I enjoyed this movie. What feels empty seriously is empty. Left out of any human tone, this film easily degenerates into another action frenzy flick determined to destroy every human aspect. Even the ugly ones. Can a movie bent on violence even destroy the beauty of violence? Yes it can when all it does it simply show it without effect. That can easily destroy something that can be brilliantly brutal.

After hearing the crazy moms bitch about Grand Theft Auto, one should bitch about this movie. If a video game can surely activates ones mind to do crazy things then I'm pretty sure a movie can do it to when its literally talking about controlling ones mind. So to all of those mothers, pay attention to everything else please. Sharing no relevance to a great film, I guess you can say skip it and find something else to do on a friday evening. Or better, watch Crank.

When a pair of directers can make decent action flicks with shaky camera work and rugged action sequences, you can at least expect the same thing. Unless they are to brainwashed of success that they create a complete mess to shank out customers money. A shame rather and a forgettable one. Gamer doesnt represent anything nice or nuetral or even worthwhile, it just comes down to nonsensical matter of who lives in the end. In that case, this films a winner.

Written by: Xou Xiong

Pan's Labyrinth

Del Toro is well known for his american films of Hellboy, but I feel this is his masterpiece. Despite a strong similiarity between this and Narnia, I cant help but enjoy this more then Narnia. Narnia was a complete fantasy tale while Pans Labyrinth had its fair share of reality and fantasy. Set in WW2 in the country of Spain whos in the midst of revolution while twisted behind a scary captain and the imagination of a small child. One can bear its reality as a dream of sort but often misguides us into what seems right doesnt. Like a reality in ones mind is often confused in another.

Both dark and cheery, this mythical story behind the mind of a child and through the courses of a madmen, this endearing tale doesnt fall behind as it captures every moment and idolizes it. It features the reality of human actions while displaying the artistic minds of every children behind fairies and fauns. It really compares itself to us. When we were kids, imagine what we thought was real. Almost everything unreal. Like Santa and the tooth fairy. Creatures or often beings who control our very destiny that set upon our happiness and sadness. It becomes our imagination while we dwell for that correct answer for every question. Pans Labyrinth is nothing but our imagination. Something to cover its true reality of life and death and of betrayel and loyalty.

Ivana Baquero plays as Ofelia. A child whos mother is married to the spanish captain who bears an evil presence. She lives there while being guided by fairies who leads her to a faun played by Doug Jones. There she is given a magic book with its material only appearing in complete lonelyness. She must complete 3 tasks which the book provides for her in order to live in her kingdom. Why not and do it because the scary captain isnt going to be so nice to you. While the resistance is battling the military and each past is presented like some evil plot. Each events occured for the sole reason for Ofelia to keep imagining. Must she complete these tasks, all her dreams will come true.

Within a world not presented in reality, it seems every moment can be questioned yet the answer is right there. Its book serves no purpose but to blind our protagonist. But ultimately to help her. From gigantic frogs to little human plants, this film delivers on all cylinders. Each task presents harm and a gateway to happiness rather its a dream or not. Ivana does a great job in being this innocent girl who is often ridiculed or being misunderstood. Her performance was lively and memorable. She reminded me of Dakota Blue Richards who played I guess a similiar role. Funny thing was The Golden Compass was a year after this. Both films were remarkable.

Not being soft or easy going, this film is graphic in nature and its subjects are either tortured or shot in the head. This film doesnt have its wizards or hobbits, its just a little girl whos sitting in a base camp filled with spaniard officials who will freely take out their gun and shoot the next person who disobeys. Its not exactly the safest place but its the reason her imagination widens or must I say, flourishes. Its the only reason.

Pans Labyrinth offers a little of everything. Even love between Ofelia and her newborn brother. Shot with a 19 million dollar budget, what they were able to do is amazing. With believable effects and exciting settings from evil dining halls to creepy labyrinths, from dark visuals and captivating performances, Pans Labyrinth easily becomes one of 2006 best films. It is certiantly one of the best films I have ever seen. May the lullaby seduce you into its world of great imagination and unconditional love.

Written by: Xou Xiong


Stardust to me was like a fairy tale that almost sinks in the end because it didnt managed to make sense and all it does was show true love. This film was based on a novel that talks about stars, witches, and double crossing princes. Wether its being generous in its form or just being silly, this film brings a set of cuteness to the table. With such a romantic story yet it feels so surreal, it often connects with us like fables.

With a star studded cast such as Robert De Niro and Michelle Pfieffer, you expect this film to be the next Lord Of The Rings or at least a Harry Potter like feel. Especially when Golden Compass was released in the same year. Despite its strong presence on screen, it doesnt develop the same way. It often shows to much of the nerd trying to score with hot chick type thing. It literally becomes not a midevil tale but some high school teen drama. It often confuses me why instead of telling a fantasy love story, they opted to go for the jugular. And thats the simple story between nerd and beauty. Not all is formed that way as it kind of turns out into that dream like relationship but only for a set period of time. It often toys with the idea, especially torwards the end.

The film starts off with that little boy who wants to travel the world because his old town is to boring. Let set this straight. The boy is called by the name of Dunstan(Ben Barnes) who lives in a town called Wall. Its called that because a wall seperates the town from a world like no other. A circus filled with gypsies and witches. Basically a world with magic. So a wall was built to shield off both sides. Although the normal side was the bigger concern. So upon traveling, Dunstan meets the beautiful slave(Kate Magowan) whom he ends up sleeping with. The cause and effect is quite simple, a baby is born with the name Tristan who becomes a bastard child because mom couldnt keep him. Why a child? Back then, condoms werent around.

So he stumbles upon daddy and from there the cautionary tale is told. Through the narration of Ian Mckellen and the strong presence of newcomer Charlie Cox, a tale of love is brought upon us. With the beauty of buying love through the idea of simply finding a star and giving it to the beautiful Victoria(Sienna Miller) who Tristan Fancies. Not all is easy, because you see...the star is a women. She calls herself Yvaine(Claire Danes) and she claims to have fallen for some reason because some ruby necklace rammed into her in space. The necklace is a product of royalty which one of the sons of the king of Stormhold must find in order to claim the throne. To make matters worst, a band of sisters want to take the star, cut her heart open so they can eat it and be young again. They are played by Pfieffer, Scanlan, and Sarah Alexander respectivelly. Tristans idea was to use Yvaine as a token for Victoria, how cute. Now this marks the true conflict. The search for the fallen star. One brings a throne, the other youth, the big one? True Love. A piece set up quite well and is quite effective.

Through the search, there are sky pirates and unicorns who become the everlasting hope for the young Tristan and Yvaine. While there are many sons of kin who kill off eachother and a witch so determined on beauty that the conflict almost becomes really something else. Wether its good or not, I dont even know. I can say that it can be quite silly at times. Its ability to handle characters and storytelling was the thing I was most suprised with but what killed it was the ending that almost proves unworthy.

There is a particular ability in which the star can use to kill any witch there is. It only works when the star is not heartbroken. I ask you...What do stars do. Answer that and the ending can play itself out. I often found it hard for stars to have feelings but this is a fable. A fantasy built by its writers to induce love and magic all in one product. Yet I keep scratching myself in the head for why the film couldve done better with the ending. If thats how the novel ends, then I might as well ignore the novel. It plays out to the idea that true love beats all despite the powerful witch throwing fireballs while using the super scream to kill off every glass. I guess in a fairy tale, that can happen.

I was upset how the film built up so well and kind of trashed it. Its like making Frodo walk all that way to Mordor while developing that relationship with Sam and then before you know it, Frodo kills himself because he was to sad. Its like making something so special and then ruin it becuase your an ass. My thumbs is still up but rather become cautious. Or as better put, be generous to the film. It is a wellmade film perfected till the last detail but is often ruined by misfortunate events.

Maybe I will come to love this film. I enjoyed the chemistry and even smiled everytime Yvaine is coming closer to sealing the deal with Tristan. Maybe in the long run, something like this can be a unforgettable experience. I have enjoyed this film for the most part but often felt conned in many ways. Despite the efforts brought upon, Stardust might as well be forgettable unless your into the soundtrack or the truly cliche love story. The dust truly becomes rock material and even the best stars cannot break my opinion.

Written By: Xou XIong

Angels & Demons

Full review on Angels and Demons.

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Angels and Demons (2009)


"Faith and Truth, One must cross another"

I have seen Da Vinci Code and found it to be an interesting mystery. Something that can often question a church. Wether all of the material in that book/film is true or false is for us to decide. But it was more of an attempt to make religion fun to watch and can learn some of the ways authority handles itself. I had fun with the film especially with Ian Mckellen and Tom Hanks in the picture. This film is set before the events of Da Vinci Code so maybe a little background on our fellow protagonist.

Ron Howard comes back to direct this controversial film. And enough of the controversy. I think a person is smart enough to decide the difference between truth and lie, faith and doubt. If not? Then dont bother to watch this movie. You will only end up in some message board talking shit about this movie. Wether its for or against, in all clarity, its still stupid. In this adventure through churches, police officials, and puzzles regarding religous history, one can admire its work. Or at least have fun with it.

The film starts of with some church figure protecting the anti matter vials while some dude steals it and kills the guy protecting it. Now it forwards to Detective Robert Langdon(Tom Hanks) who is now trying to solve the case. Thats where the film might as well start and uses the same formula in Da Vinci Code. One dies then one gets stolen equates to murder case turned religous taboo. From kidnapped church figures and text from old archives that can solve a seemingly never ending puzzle, this film easily becomes a thrill ride. He teams up with Vittoria(Ayelet Zurer) to make sure someone doesnt blow up a church. Or whatever reason that person is going to use that bomb for, created by the vials.

The villian is really just a messed up person bent on revenge because of some stupid ancestoral past or bad word of mouth. A lot of the reasons this film weeps is because of the downright logic and often mistakable references. But through all of that material, its still a very exciting film. Its a thriller and I can admit that I was on the edge of my seat. Its provacative and it subject matter is captivating. Why? The reason is quite simple, curiousity. We are curious into what our beliefs are doing behind the scenes. Are these the people we should speak with every other weekend. All questions surrounding a controversial matter since its inception. The Anti Christ was not built for nothing. Atheists are around for a reason.

This film is not forcing you to determine facts or to try and act on faith but more to the point of having fun with it. Its an adventure, a hell of one for that matter. It doesnt try to justify itself rather then to experiement. Its text and its interpretation all surrounds myths and legends that even religions can relate to. Ron howard does a great job in scaling that balance. Its not to biased like Da Vinci Code but it often resembles it. In terms of attacking the churches but its also sympathatic.

This film is generally depicted as a false film, highly anti, and is rigged through the hands of an unbeliever. But thats not true. This film is clearly false in some regards but does protray a sense of belief and its highly balanced within Antis and Christs while being rigged through the hands of a visionary. That will be the correct statement in my opinion. Never does this film try to go overboard, it stays within its means and turns it into a well made thriller. Its dark vengeful tone becomes the highlight of this film and doesnt back down from being controversial. It stands tall and as always will be a hit. The reason for that to is quite simple. People watch this for the good time they are going to get. Not to try and learn something per se. It may have a few moments which will inspire you to learn but in the end, its rather harmless fun. Love or hate Howard, this film cannot be denied its dues, and thats the title of a great film.

Written by: Xou Xiong

Napoleon Dynamite

Almost seems idiotic and the more you watch it, you literally lose brain cells but its funny enough to be appreciated.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

What better to do then watch two of hollywoods greatest looking actors get at it both sexually and physically, but with the slightest problem of a unimaginative plot, this film breaks down pretty quick.


Funniest part in the movie was the laughing gas. Best scene in the movie was the hot euro model feeling up Jennifer Esposito. The thing that ruined this movie? Everything else.

H2: Halloween II

There are tons of reasons to hate this movie. But I like this Michael more. Wether he is dead or not, this one is more violent. Screw the 70 version one where he walks slowly, and the other versions where he walks a little faster. This one is more brutal and magnificent. The movie is bad but the Michael is amazing. There are times when I can appreciate some dude stabbing countless rednecks and horny girls to the core. This one was it.

Full review in wordpress

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Mutant Chronicles

Tolerable until the end where everyone dies with no answer exept the world is saved.

Polanski (Polanski Unauthorized)

Wether its accurate timeline or even events doesnt justify this mess of a ducumentary, it just comes down to cheap porn.


When Pixar makes a movie, all it needs is good animation and a cute story, then we give in.

Young Frankenstein

A film that invented the word spoof. This juvenile and what seems like imported gags work because it was 1974 and the first time I saw this, it was the most hilarious movie I have ever seen. The opera noises made during intercourse and the countless penis references showed you that filmmakers back then to showed no fear. Take that Eli Roth.

This seemingly clingy film follows through a man who has the last name of Frankenstein but pronounces in a way where the stein sounds less jewish. He moves into his familys castle for some research while his wife stays home. There he meets a sexy assistant, a old hag, and a servant with the most awkward hump in some time. It changes sides every so often that it creates a laugh or two.

But what research to do at some castle filled with abnormal objects. Well why not try to resurrect life. Why not do it with a big body and a smart brain and create the perfect being. Both smart and masculine. But the parody comes through when instead of a smart brain, they get the dumb version which causes the Frankenstein to become some big old retard.

Frightning and both humerous, the Frankenstein is exposed like some carnival animal who has the hormones of a pregnant women. Everything breaks down like the original. With big tall scary guy who has the intelligence of a 5 yr old. What makes him perfect is his gigantic salamander and the ridiculous stamina. So perfect in the physical area that the wife of FrankenSTIEEN chooses to be with him. How about that. The New York Cougar more inclined on beauty and fingernails wants the big dumb guy with the stuff instead the intelligent guy who became somewhat insane. Unlike the original where Stein is more depressing and can often create dramatic effect, this monster is the reason why we laugh.

If I can own this movie, I would. Its my favorite spoof film and will always deserve the crown that it has. Its history in the making. When horror can become comedy and when the scariest guys just might have a sense of humour. Belittled through the gags we often seem to see in the modern world but its so well made that its funnier then we think.

Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber

This is my favorite Jennifer Love Hewitt film not because its good but it shows off her sexiness in a variety of outfits.

Thus entertained. Besides....the bunny scene where Jlove wears this cute bunny outfit often gets me a boner.

Race to Witch Mountain

Almost a straight action, its hard to believe this is a remake of the the film of the same name back in 75 but its entertaining enough for me to give it a pass.

The Final Destination

I had a premonition that this movie would be the same movie I saw a few years ago. I was right.

Full review in wordpress

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Its Ellen Pages finest moment but I kinda felt bored to its humour after a while.

I Spy
I Spy(2002)

I spy another Owen Wilson movie.

Is that bad?

The Quiet
The Quiet(2006)

Wouldnt hurt to tell the truth.

As suburban america becomes a dirty playground, one can assume the worst.

Cheap, dirty, and wrong, this feels like a seductive thriller featuring a stubborn cheerleader and the messed up mute girl. Yet it ends on the wrong note becoming this Basic Instint/High School musical dropoff.

I have to admit that I enjoyed the setting. Does that make a good film? To make a movie in someplace that looks nice? No.

17 Again
17 Again(2009)

Zac Efron actually pulled it off....

Miracle on 34th Street

I wonder at times how overdone a classic film can be. Such as overdramatic acting and some of the most random kiss scenes.

Chasing a fairy tale of Santa Claus, Miracle on 34Th street chases the faith on ones belief in the supernatural but ultimately to believe in something more then yourself. Wether this has a christian zest or not, its still a delightful ride to sit through.

From basic holiday expressions to courtroom drama, one can say that the federal government does believe in Santa. Look at that. George Bush believes in Santa.


The outfit was more then enough to pass around.

Queen of the Damned

So queen likes young rockstar. What else is new.

I Know What You Did Last Summer

Passable to the part where teenagers will always be the same in every horror movie.

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

Predictable but its not boring. Rather gimmicky and the fact that we see more of Jennifers body, the better.

Final Destination 3

Kill me now with a premontion because this is bad.

The Soloist
The Soloist(2009)

More credit then it deserves, the performances may have outweighed its premise but you cant say that the story was boring.

I Love You, Man

I often find myself enjoying a movie that relates to me. Not in a way where a girlish dude is making a friend but how each guy often wastes their time.

Funnier then The Hangover.

The Last House on the Left

An effective smart thriller featuring the most scary family on the universe battling the most resiliant.

Uneasy to watch, but when reality strikes, its better to watch it staged then some internet video of the real deal.


Alas when a white guy finally can box, the world spins it around like some soap opera. Fueled with a horrible lead character, one can only say this film to be dead within the end sequence or when the gangsters feel that this film sucks to.

Family Guy Presents Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story

Story doesnt matter when watching family guy. Its everything random in it.

12 Angry Men (Twelve Angry Men)

Wonderful as a man would say. When doubt becomes conscience and getting out of the court room was better of a fit to ruin a young mans life. Best courtroom drama I have ever seen since my arrest.

Just kidding about the arrest...I killed 24 men...!!!???


A great way to exploit our galaxy with ugly looking aliens empodied with beetle shells with acid to act as body fluids. James Cameron, a successful director in his own right shows me why he deserves his crown as one of the best filmmakers of all time. With films like Terminator 2 and even Titanic(A film I highly hate), his mark on history takes strides while compared to others. His adaption to the sequel of Ridley Scotts classic really comes to show that sequels can be better.

When I was a kid, I often found these old films boring and squash while praising Aliens vs Predator because they looked better. Plain and simple. But after maturing my own life and finding out that there is more to films then visuals, I have come to appreciate real films and often criticize popcorn flicks. And my opinion for this film had greatly changed. The love of a film like this comes to the suspense and excitement of each moment. The characters drive the scene while the background sets the tone. Together you get an effective scene triggered through the emotional toll of human characters while being subjected to its diehard atmosphere. That is what makes each scene work. Motivation. And this film has plenty of it.

Siqourney Weaver comes back in this sequel to protray our icon Ripley. She has been sleeping for 50+ years along with a cat who seems to live just as long. A space squad soon finds her stranded along the empty space filled with stars and planets. During that sleeep, her daughter has since grown old and past away. Being pondered by dreams and nightmarish pasts, the company tends to keep her sedated and suspended. But when the company lost connection to colony LV-427, Ripley is back in action with her big yellow exosuit bearing a lost child while shooting the heads off aliens with her plasma rifle. There are a lot of secrets and dark twists but its often funner to find out for yourself. Trust me, you will get a kick out of it.

Every film always needs that badass, loudmouth, and somewhat stoic hero. The good part is that our real hero is the somewhat stoic one. What seems like a ordinary bug mission becomes a test for survival. I often wondered why it was so hard to kill off these aliens as Ripley didnt have much of a problem doing it. But maybe because they're not Ripley. Maybe because those heros mentioned are not meant to destory evil. They are merely decoys or distractions or created for emotional effect wether its sad or funny. Nevertheless, these heros are not as important as to our kin Ripley. She plays the movie. She basically makes the movie.

The film starts of pretty slow with countless dialogue and moments that build off eachother until the climax where everything was plain action awesome. Mainly the only thing you were clinging on was suspense. Something dealt really well with in the film. It was the thing that kept us going otheriwse the film wouldve been boring. It was nearly 2 1/2 hours long. Besides, I watched the special edition version. Although not one minute was worthless, there are questions you can ask yourself as for every film does but can be ignored through creative filmmaking like Cameron has done.

Aliens is a near perfect sci fi thriller using horror elements while maintaining gripping action. Its the type of film one would call classic or as I would say "something to remember". Its both creepy and provoking and offers great visuals for its time. Little does this film try to disappoint, it does its best to wrap its audience around and keep em there until the end credits. Maybe because it has the awesome alien tail or the disgusting alien tongue. Maybe its just a great film. You choose.

Written by: Xou Xiong


A Michael Cera personality who is smarter and better with girls.


Watching the MOST EXCITING FIGHT SCENE EVER in the end, made it decent.

Kill Bill: Volume 2

Less action then the first volume and its ending rather silly. Not the partake of story, just the death of Brides little old Bill.

Five point Palm Exploding Heart Technique = Instant death within 5 steps.

P.S. - Should do more of that

Another P.S - Women...learn how to protect yourselfs from rapists with the Five Point Palm Exploding heart Technique.

Kill Bill: Volume 1

Uma Thurman is good enough to set this away from other revenge flicks. And besides, who doesnt like the music....

Inglourious Basterds

Tarantino has made some great films during his career. Most notably, Pulp Fiction and Reservoir dogs that stands in todays best indie films. His new installment after the failure of his grindhouse films, comes a World War II fantasy twisted in spaghetti western with a mountain accent. Brad Pitt and Eli Roth along with Christopher Waltz stomps the summer with Tarantinos new great film. Wether you hate or love him. He can be a creative guy.

The film is broken into chapters. First, you are inroduced to a jewish hunter(Waltz) and a french dairy farmer(Menochet) who houses jews. After a long conversation, the hunter orders his men to shoot the floorboards and effectively killing the jewish family exept Shosanna(Melanie Laurent).

Then the bastards are introduced in the second chapter. With Aldo Raine(Pitt) and his small force called the bastards. They are jewish american soldiors who vow revenge against the nazis. But not just kill nazis but to scalp their heads as well. With a ridiculous accent and a mustache, Raine and his men encounter a group of nazis and ends up killing them all before locating another nazi location.

Another chapter rises within Soshanna. One who vows revenge against the jewish hunter. Its been three years since her incident and has changed her alias to Emmanuele and now operates a cinema. With a lot of high ranking nazi officials appearing at her screening, she decides to burn the place with flammable nitrate film and let the nazis know who they're dealing with.

Now you are introduced to the british. Who are about to storm the cinema because of the amount of Nazi's with the help of double agent Bridget Van Hammersmark(Diane Kruger) and the bastards. Theres an ongoing scene where its completely irrelevant with Hammersmark flirting with the nazi soldiors and playing card games. But I guess its just a introduction. I felt it was to much. It was all set up to point a gun at some nazis balls. Its a trap and almost everyone dies. The film continues to the main event. The premiere of the german propaganda. Traitors will be killed and Nazis will be scalped.

I liked how Tarantino was able to deal with so many characters. A underrated attribute in cinema. He developed them into not just nazi haters but people with a past that we can care for.

With great looks and witty dialogue and the annoying voice of Pitt, this film is a clever film of 2009. Definantly a top ten but rather overrated. I can say that it is his best film since Pulp Fiction but it is not better then Pulp Fiction as some claim to be. It can be very long even for a Tarantino film and the amount of dialogue exceeded both Transformers and G.I Joe combined. But with experience, it is expected. The lack of any war like action presented by Saving Private Ryan or any superb ending like Flags of our Fathers, this film easily degenerates into a fantasy created to entertain otherwise have no purpose of accuracy.

Despite the best efforts of Waltz and Luarent, this film can have its corny moments and unnecessary scenes. A lot of it was gibber jabber to express comedic effect. Trimm that down and maybe I would of loved it more. Never expecting a straight action, this film lacked almost any. Which can make this film drag on like a donkey carriage. Most of the film is spoken in foriegn language of french or german, so the audience had to look out for subtitles. Didnt bother me but it did to others. If you are a huge Tarantino fan, then you would love this movie. If your a mild fan, this film would be good. If you are not a fan, go see something else because its not going to change your mind.

With a dialogue led bastard instead of nazi skull basher, this film can be ones complete hatred or love. To appreciate this work, you really had to have patience. A revenge story that captures a part of history but almost fails to honor it. It was like watching Michael Bays Pearl Harbor but without the action. It doesnt have a love story or any of that sort. Its just pure revenge. To scalp a nazis head, you need a man with a fake rough riders mustache that has irregular neck scars. To make this film interesting, you need to have scenes of drunk Nazis and angry Jews. To make this film sexy, you need to show off Diane krugers leg. It has all of that. So its great. One of a kind and a interesting way of storytelling. Bastards are not glorious but they are quite humerous.


This film got me into Godzilla. Plain and Simple.

The Passion of the Christ

To much gore and not enough story.

Mel Gibson and his films never cease to amaze me with countless flaws and gore torwards humanity. In what may be his defining moment comes a controversial film between religions. To my belief, if it wasnt falling torwards a religous pattern and focused more on history, I wouldve enjoyed it a bit more. Never to sure how badly Jesus was whipped, but I doubt it was that bad. Man can barley walk at that point yet he carried a wooden cross behind his back which is at least around his wieght if not bigger. But he did. Using faith in the sentence would develop a religous pattern.

Its anti semmitism and the amount of gore might have ones feeling to become uneasy but it definantly captures that historical moment of how the Romans crucified Jesus Christ because he was teaching a different religion. This is why I tend to stay away from religion. Not the best film but surley captivating.

If the film focused more on jesus background and his teachings or how he became such a icon in jeruesalim, it wouldve been a more pleasant movie. Instead its a very long bland movie promoting christianity and making everyone feel bad about Jesus when at times when there was nothing to care about because the material wasnt developed. In all sense..it felt rushed. Last 12 hours may seem like a defining moment for christians but for the unknown....they have nothing else to say.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation

A time when Renee Zellweger was hot and Matthew McConaughey was a good actor. Kim Henkel co wroted the original which I almost didnt like. This film is no where good as the original but I gave just a tad smaller rating then I gave the original. Why? Back then Renee was hot. Back then Matthew can act. The only two reasons to give the score that I gave.

The plot follows four teenagers after prom night. They leave early and crash in a nearby road and seek shelter in a home that has this crazy family who nurses a drag queen with a chainsaw.

Like the other Chainsaw films, there is only one significant character in this film, at least for the protagonist. Jenny who is protrayed by Renee Zellwegger. The other character who I am most impressed with is Vilmer Sawyer who is protrayed by Matthew. Two actors who brought life to their characters. Everbody else seemed insignificant.

The film again is cliched ridden filled with ridiculous characters and a killer who always seems to be unstoppable. The plot to is quite simple but I have grown tired of it. No strangers home is considered your home especially if theres a crazy guy with a chainsaw.

If you like odd horror and hot girls, then this film might be for you. Otherwise, go find yourself a hobby.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Tobe hooper has been known for some good old classic horror. Movies like Poltergeist has since been garnered as one of the best horror movies ever made. In this classic, I found it to be only passable and its creepiness came from the documentary approach.

The plot follows five teenagers investigation vandalism of corpses in Texas. There only two significant characters. Sally(Marilyn Burns) and her brother Franklin(Paul partian). They run into a hitchhiker(Edwin Neal) who soon turns out to be this wierd and bizarre emo kid and is soon kicked out. They try to refuel their car but soon find out there isnt any left in the pump. So they go to a local swimming hole only to find a local house. A house that has a very strange family who wears people skin and dresses in apron while wielding a chainsaw. Sally must now find a way out since she was to stupid to go find her dead boyfriend.

A lot of the deaths are to cliche but since this was an old film, I let it slide. Why do teenagers always find the will to walk into a creepy home filled with human bones. Something that I can never fully understand. If curiosity was the answer, then maybe we should stop being so curious.

The films approach was a dwarf documentary that kind of creeped us out in the begining. It was there to build tension and create realism. While everything else came from a man who dresses like a women screaming odd noises while chasing you with a chainsaw. That can often be hilarious and somewhat scary to watch. The horror icon is more of a drag queen then a scary figure. But thanks to the chainsaw, he's scary.

This film has a lot of stupid characters and a killer that seems unstoppable. But I enjoyed it. There were some creeped out moments and I even jumped once or twice. This is a classic slasher flick that has the intelligence to become scary but its characters and plot are invalid.

Dragonball Evolution

When I first viewed this film, it was literally the worst movie ever. But after picking it up on DVD. I decided to view it and to view it carefully. James Wong decided to make a film based on the famous Manga and television series, Dragonball Z. A show that spawned gazillion episodes on people punching with the speed of light and shooting kama hame ha at one another.

The plot follows Goku(Justin Chatwin) who must find the dragonaballs before the green guy gets it. Literally the plot. He is joined by a number of people. Bulma(Emmy Rossum), Roshi(Chow Yun Fat), and Yamcha(Joon Park).

The film has major flaws. Deflated plot, lackluster acting, and at times...cheesy effects. We can get that straight. There were also casting criticism. Calling out the main actor, Chatwin who protrayed Goku. First of all, no one has spikey black hair that is bigger then their head. And using a wig would make this even more cheesy..trust me. Justin did his best to become a believable Goku and although he isnt asian, still gave Goku spunk.

Other criticism was that Bulma doesnt have guns and Roshi is supposed to be bald and whatever and Yamcha is not supposed to look like surfer. People who are fans of the t.v series hated it. To be honest, they should at least appreciate that someone took an effort. Wether anyone can do it better is yet to be seen. Do note that not all Spielberg movies are good nor all Kubrick movies are good. And Tim Burton has no idea what Dragon Ball Z is that his adaption would have his wife dry humping Johnnney Depp for most of the time. Although the effort looks lackluster, it is still an effort.

The plot to was in question. Instead of mimicing every known dragonball episode. They created a new one. One that features a classical hero rather then a bunch of classical heros. Goku is the man and not some blue guy in Dragonball heaven. The movie doesnt try to be loyal as James felt it wouldnt be original. It would the same thing we saw on t.v a long time ago. So instead of cartoons, we get live humans who look like cartoons. So why the need for a live action film as this never ending debate about the original work being better never ceases. So some who say that there was promise is rather blinded. More like a promise that will never be better and its hope is to try to be as entertaining as possible. No adaption of Dragonball Z would be better then the actual Dragon Ball Z itself.

Characters are not right and story is screwed up and yet what would we do. What movie should we make on Dragon Ball Z. Doing a shot by shot remake...There is always reasons for hating a movie, but I felt this was the best anyone could do. You cant copy, you can only make it up. Otherwise the word ripoff would be in the equation. When you make up, prepare for the rotten remarks. This is when hard work comes to play.

I'm not saying this film is great nor horrible. I'm saying its the best effort yet. No one had even decided to touch it in the last ten years. So when one did, we throw tomatoes at them. Its an effort to be realized and although not perfect, its the only dragonball adaption out there. What now...back to your TiVo and video games? LOL

I am giving this a positive review in hopes of clarifying the whole Dragonball idea. Its not the worst and its not the best. Its a film that you either hate or love. I loved it. Not because it was a good adaption, but like Michael Bay's Transformers...I liked the effort.

Yamcha looks like a surfer because the whole generic world that the dragonball people lived in was to much of a fantasy and not real. People who are not fans would find the film intolerable. So instead of making Yamcha all scarred and cartoon like. They made him look human. Bulma has guns otherwise she is useless. She becomes dead wieght and no one wants that. Female in distress is the last thing on Goku's mind. So why not teach her how to use guns. Maybe spice shit up. Ever think of that? No.

My last observation was that the film seemed that it was targeted for kids. In all honesty, probably was. Do note that Dragon Ball Z was a show for kids. I liked the show as a kid. As a young adult, not so much. To criticize this as a kids film is like saying a power rangers movie was a kids film....Some would argue that most fans are middle age men and women who used to like the show. Keyword is *used*. The film was targeted for a younger audience who almost have little or no idea about the t.v show and it was an excuse for the adults to shut up their kids. It was created for that sole idea. Not to amaze fans who used to watch the show but to create new fans in young ones. Know what your getting into rather then to mistake it for something else. For that..boohoo. Walk in to this film with the spirit of a kid. Not the overly obese version that hates anything that looks like cartoons. Childhood memorys can sometimes become the visuals of our future.

A film that was cheese and offered some breaking visuals along with the beauty of Emmy Rossum, you get a almost tolerable film. With a 100 million dollar budget, I did expect more but then seeing many summer blockbusters...Dragonball failed from horrible advertising and the lack of strong promotion from both the japanese studio and the american distributors. In the end, you get a film that no one really cared about. So why do we as an audience should care. WHOOPS we spent money on it huh. Yeah..we did. We should care.


Stephen King and his novels never cease to amaze. But the adaptions are never the less always skeptical. In this alien wretched war against humans becomes nothing more but an excuse to put a britsh guy in a Stephen King novel. Not very good but I felt was passable and decent.

The plot follows four men who have powers to see things. Usually the past. One of them is able to find directions using his finger. Henry(Tomas Jane), Jospeh(Jason lee), Pete(Tomothy Olyphant), and Damien(Jonsey) take a trip into a home in the snowy mountains. All seems well until one stranger tags along and poops out a slithering worm that bites you. Looks like one of them ripoff tremors. One gets eaten and the other possesed.

The film goes on as Pete crys about his personal life while Henry is trying to get help or of some sort. Halfway through, the possesed Jonsey is trying to get to the boston water supply to drop a worm that can contaminate. Its up to Henry and their special friend Duddits(Donnie Wahlberg) to save the world from aliens. Why do aliens have british accents, I thought they dont talk at all. Or at least have awesome voices instead of deflated annunciation.

The films plot is very simply with little detail. The fact that the Dreamcatcher doesnt have a literal meaning to the movie. Its a metaphor. About how sometimes evil can slip through and mind wash your friends. He may talk like Jones, he may look like Jones, he may even eat like Jones, but he is not Jones...He's a alien. One of the better lines from cinema. Got that from "Troll"...go figure.

This motion picture based on horror doesnt seem like horror. Seems like a smaller version of War Of the Worlds. Instead of tanks flying through the air and humans vaporized by ray guns, its controlling a human being and traveling to Massachusets. Has to be the dumbest aliens ever....

I did enjoy Wahlbergs performance as Duddits. So realistic in nature, I really thought he was mentally ill. The fact that he was the real hero shocked me. There is an unexpected twist in the end which doesnt go with the book but was intended to become a suprise and to become some last minute action.

Dreamcatcher is not the best film but it does have creepy elements and it does entertain. In the end, its the most important.


This was a horror classic. For being thrilling and creepy. For being the best horror movie of all time. To me, its good but overrated. John Carpenter and Debra Hill created this film in hopes of setting the standards for modern horror. In all honesty, it did. But I dont like modern horror much. So why would I enjoy this movie...

The plot follows Michael Myers. A boy who murdered his sister and is now in a crazy hospitol. He breask out and is now back to his hometown to randomly kill people. But most importantly, to reunite with his younger sister, Laurie Strode.

The plot to me is not detailed in much form as the remake was. I never understood how he would kill his family nor have any idea to come back. I dont even know how he learned to drive. The plot is not important it seems, as all Carpenter cared about was to make it as creepy and as thrilling as possible. In that sense, it works out.

I have always wondered how a simple man can withstand gun shots and disappear in mere seconds despite being leared at by a women. This movie did set the standard. For making the most destructible killer that despite dying 3 to 4 times, they always know when to come back. The film started the cliches and it has been used by other horror films since its inception.

I like Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode. Shes not only beautiful but very cunning. Unlike her co stars who die in less then 2 minutes. They always die naked. Go figure.

This is my least favorite of the horror classics. I enjoyed the Exorcist and The Shining a little bit more then this. Filled with plot holes and a never ending character, the film needs creepiness and unique kills to make this good. A little overrated but still good enough to consider it good horror.

V for Vendetta

James Mcteigue has done a lot of work for the Wachowski brothers and George Lucas. For his debut, he tries to adapt a film based on a graphic novel dedicated to propaganda and halloween masks. Not the greatest but quite entertaining.

The plot follows V(Hugo Weaving) and Evey(Natalie Portman). V is this vigilante who wants to create chaos on the new government regime in London. While Evey plays as the middle man or woman. It easily comes down to overthrowing a tyrant. To do that, you need a man called V who wears a Guy Fawkes Mask and carries blades on his waist. And why is that everytime he commits murder, he leaves a flower...Maybe its time for some old school murder. When simply blowing somebody's head off was good enough.

The film goes on to be this on going propaganda featuring facist governments and old tyrants. Most of the time all you see is a old guy yelling at his people. I did however found V as a interesting character. You never see his face and all you can do is chuckle everytime you see his mask in a serious moment. Natalie at first plays as this girl who doesnt know anything and often confuses the enemy from friendlys. She soons turn into this women whos seduced into doing whatever V wants her to do. How so...well if you get tortured and if you hang with a creepy guy in a mask for a year, your dying to change.

The films action is quite similiar to The Matrix. With martial arts and slow motion kills. I never understood how a man why knives can kill 10 guys with guns. I guess we will never know. Theres a particular scene in which V kills a bunch of guys despite being shot at by 100 bullets. He was apparently wearing a metal jacket. The most annoying part was, no one aimed for the head.

The film is visually stunning and its dark undertone always amazes. Yet its unfocused and somewhat underplotted. You never really know who V was exept this man who survives the fire and is apparently ugly like the Phantom in the Opera. The flashbacks dont help either as you dont know if V is lying or telling the truth. He even said it himself. Politicians use lies to cover up the truth. So maybe he was doing it to, who knows and who cares. I like the efforts and I like the characters but its weak plot stops the film from being great.

Howl's Moving Castle

Hayao Miyazaki might as well be a animated genuis. If you thought Pixar is gold, well so is he. His previous film Spirited away was a great film for me as well. I however liked this one a little bit more.

The plot follows young girl Sophie who owns a hat shop. One day the Witch of the Waste puts a spell on her. She ends up in her eighties and she now must find Howl and her younger sister. Through it all she finds true love and friendship in this mystical adventure in a moving castle.

Myazaki's style of work revolves around abstract creatures, love, magic, and technology. And how all of them come together. I realized a trend of some sort. And to note that his female characters are often strong and independent, instead of being the girls in distress. I like his approach on films. I like how he tells his story. And thats through the imagination of ones character.

The film was based off a book by the same name by british writer Diana Wynne Jones. The whole thing is centered through this huge metal object that becomes this unique castle that is magical. It can transport you through anywhere. The funny part was that it was engineered through some fire demon. A rather small demon. This kind of work is unknown to me. I mean a castle that looks like a frog? That is just wierd. But as I continue to watch, I started to love it.

The relationship between Sophie and Howl is quite endearing. At one point, she almost ignores him to a point where she takes a liking to him. I never remembered a part where she hated him. She starts to love him in about halfway through the movie. From there, she becomes the hero. Solving puzzles and handling situations like she got it all planned out. Most importantly, taking care of Howl who always seems to be finding trouble. This is where Miyazakis independent women come in. Sophie was both strong and charming.

I have come to adore Miyazakis work. Its a magical experience filled with beautiful animations that is never afraid to be sentimental. Its a story to tell. Its a film to watch. Its a experience to never forget.

Julie & Julia

Nora Ephron is argueably one of the best female filmmakers of all time. Her track record speaks for itself. In her latest installment that tells the lives of Julie Powell and Julia Child is no different. A wonderfull film that is both delicious and funny.

The plot follows two people. Julia Child(Meryl Streep) and Julie Powell(Amy Adams). Julia used to work for the government and is now learning the art of french cooking in Paris. Do remember that the two stories are in two different time zones. Julie on the other hand hates her job and wants to do something in her life. She decides to cook every single recipe in Julia Childs book and blog it. The film documents on her achievement and self discovery.

Meryl Streep always seems to bright things up. Her performance is perfect in her potrayal of the actual Julia Child. She never ceases to amaze me. There has been question about Amy Adams, calling her annoying and disorientated. That actually made her character a lot more lovable. She was clumsy yet very determined. I liked her spirit and Amy to never ceases to amaze me.

The film was a target for a older audience since Gi Joe was more of a kid thing yet I found it to be quite enjoyable. My theatre was packed with old women retirees yet I laughed when they laughed. This is a wonderful comedy filled with tasty cuisine and hilarious one liners. I liked the film a lot. It was more then just food. It was an achievement. It may be somewhat politically biase but through it all, its a fun ride to sit through.

Julie and Julia doesnt try to be very sentimental but to express the lives of two women. How one inspiration turned into fame and how ones past time became a career. Its a defining film about two wonderful women hell bent on cooking and taking care of their husbands. Its definantly in my top ten. Deliciously great!

White Chicks
White Chicks(2004)

When the Wayan brothers get together, cheese is what comes out. This film is purely cheese but good cheese at that. Keenon Ivory Wayans gave us the ever funny Scary Movie but now out to do something more then spoofs. How about two undercover cops trying to be white girls in the most unconvincing way.

The plot follows two cops who must go undercover as two rich girls in beverly hills because one of them doesnt look to well. In the most unconvincing prosthetics, they go in and infiltrate the rich girls family.

Although its filled with overused gags and tired jokes, its still pretty funny. Why? Well when two shrek looking white girls yelling at other white girls, it just seems all that better. Its now new or fresh but its good old garbage.

District 9
District 9(2009)

You want a moving story about aliens. Well you got one. Neill Blomkamp has done other sci fi work but this is his first feature film. And its a near masterpiece. Peter Jackson sure knows how to get talent and does know what a good film is. Peter Jackson may well be the new Steven Spielberg.

The plot is quite simple. Aliens want to go back home. But it seems they have ran out fuel or the humans just doesnt want them to leave. Of course right. The super cool weapons and the technology that are lightyears ahead of ours. So why not detain them so we can study them.

The film goes along as some sort of documentary, then it quickly stumbles into some alien v.s human action intercourse. The violence is raw and graphic, no doubt. It doesnt really come down to ray guns, its more ripping off arms and eating vital organs. This is quite original in its work and poses a message that can be relatable to almost everyone.

The film has its racial indifferences and has references to apartheid. Its violent and does pose disturbing events. Especially with the alien abuse. If aliens are real, then I dont want them here. For their own sake. It evaluates humans and their initial reaction to the unknown. Honestly its pretty realistic. Human hunger for power and advance technology is astounding. In the end, I had no compassion for the human race. None what so ever. Why? Well if they act like that, who would.

The film reminded us that aliens are not always god like creatures or saviors but normal beings. Beings that react the same way as we do. Beings that have emotions. Beings who in all sense are just as human. The funny thing is that humans are depicted as more barbaric then aliens. Funny thought but probably true. I felt for the aliens. I loved them.

The visuals are amazing. The aliens look real and even the action doesnt look cheesy. Its superb in its presentation.
This can be a disturbing film but it can move you and it can sadden you. It can amaze and its quite flashy. Its the most touching film of 2009. It may have a blair witch project approach, but I rather watch this then some kids playing hide and seek in the woods.

Friday the 13th

Maybe the best Friday The 13th movies. I havnt seen them all so cant really say. I have seen enough however to dislike the series. The original I might add is much better. You want a creepy killer who slaughters horny teenagers? Well here it is.

The plot follows a group of camp counselors who one by one gets killed off while having sex.

Its creepy and has a odd twist that can almost piss you off. But its all good.


I honestly hated the film. It circles so much on hatred based on every sane persons mind or insane. As if every colored has done wrong in this world and every non colored just hate for no reason. This film enforces racism. It doesnt teach shit. What did we learn? Well if a man happens to be wearing FUBU and K-Swiss, you run away from him. Oh and if a minority puts his hand in his jacket, you have to shoot him or else he pulls out a statue. Ryan Phillipes character was meant to be golden yet they foil it.

The plot follows a group of people who has their lives intertwined by racism and personal vandetta.

The film tries to express stereotypes in hopes of saying its how it is. And I agree, it is. Its morally disturbing and dark. Yet why do I hate it. Well, like I said. It enforces stereotypes and puts hollywood into a deeper hole. I just didnt enjoy it. I can take harsh films. If I can watch brief scenes of American History X or watch Roots, then I can see this. But I found it intolerable. The fact that it proves nothing but fear in the heart of america. Everything just so happens to be a horrible place and how every cop wants to bust a black guy for simply driving. Is this the type of film we watch to base our judgements or to predict? I hope not.

This is a film trying to deal with socities morals. To deal with open racism or stereotypes. It actually doesnt help but to express it. To show off. Its incredibly overated and I am astonished it won best picture. This film? Best of 2005? I rather watch Titanic. Even that film has better judgment. Apparently, everyone makes mistakes, so if some guy ended up dead because of stereotypes, we will just label it "accident". Racial profiling at its best. Especially when Hollywood makes it look like a joke. Hate it now? I found it to be rude....PERIOD. Although stereotypes can become our mistakes, it doesnt help to promote it. If my insight is blind, then I dont know what you saw. Let me guess. A sad story in which every person gets a understanding of the real world? As if media hasnt done that enough.

Its not moving like the English Patient or as superb as American History X. It doesnt have a lesson. It just happens so that we get to watch who is going to be called the N word next. To my belief, it was an excuse for Sandra to yell at mexicans and for Mat Dillion to poke other womens oral body parts. Maybe thats why he wanted the job. I didnt like it. Sue me if you have to.

If someone wants me to review this movie by watching it again so I can grasp its true message. Then tell me so.

The Shining
The Shining(1980)

For the first time watching this, I thought it was overrated and simply wierd. But to take a buddies advice(Thank You RD) of watching it more then once, you get a bit of understanding. This is a good horror film and Stanley Kubrick knows how to build suspense and to enhance mood climbing. Its scary but not the jumpy scare that a 13 yr old girl would experience but scary simply because the situation puts it so.

The plot follows Jack(Nicholson) who is house sitting this huge hotel in Colorado for the winter. In the meantime, he tries to write. As each month passes, tension builds which causes Jack to go crazy. At one point, endangering his family. You wouldnt know why he would go crazy but I guess a thing like cabin fever can really change a man. At first it seems foolish and screwed up but as each scene finishes one another, you get a creepy husband hell bent on murder.

Stanley tried to make this creepy with the eerie music and its humid enviroment. He turns the hotel into a character rather then a setting. As if the hotel is the evil demon that must be slayed. While Jack was a mere victim. Stanley played things out to become confusing but not enough to make you shake your head. He instead tries to force you to make your own logic on what might have happened. He lets you interpret every moment and ultimately, he makes you wonder. Thats where suspense takes a huge step forward. You dont exactly know what happened but you might have an idea. I'm sure everybody has a different view on what the film is really all about. Or how it ends and such.

There are many moments in the film where it makes you feel like you got a hold of things. Then another moment completely ruins it. Some of the scenes become nothing but obscure images of sins. Some of the characters are simply mind readers or often civilians that serve no purpose but to be victims. The script was written to be a story about characterization. The setting was just simply there to create unnatural characters like the twin sisters and unnatural moments like the incident in room 237. Everything is unnatural. From Jacks behavior and the paranormal events that occur. Sometimes I feel like I got it all planned out as this predictable horror film. But Stanley sures know how to mess things up.

Its based on a Stephen King Novel by the same name. Even King was unsure of the movie since it left out details and doesnt bother to fill the holes it left. Yet we accept it? Maybe because of Kubrick. Maybe it was needed or else this would be a goofy film. Certian ideas must be left out so our imagination can drift and explore. This is the whole idea set up by Stanley. He even shot it that way as well. Its quite original and doesnt copy from other slasher films. It doesnt have the stupid teenagers or the guy who never dies.

This film tries to be this thriller that is driven by a character who in all sense has his own vulnerability. Events that unfold are simply mysteries not yet solved. Its a suspense game that never ends. Its a cat and mouse game that happens in the inside. It has ghosts who becomes the creepy cheerleaders. Stanley made a great film. One that doesnt need its Jason or its naked size 2 girls. All it needs is a creepy hotel and a guy like Stanley Kubrick to master a simple story. Its a puzzle that just so happens to be creepy. Its argueably one of the best horror movies to ever come out.

Do remember that my interpretation of this film is loosley based on what I think happened. I could be wrong for all I care. Its just my observation after watching this 4 times.

The Tuxedo
The Tuxedo(2002)

Jennifer and Jackie can sure pack up a sleezy romantic comedy filled with action and silly special effects. Yes, there is romance. You cant tell? Jlove is so into Jackie in this film. Almost like homemade porn, where everything is awkward. Kevin Donovan has been a t.v sort of guy until he thought about a movie with Jackie Chan in it. Rush Hour was good, Shanghai knights was awesome, how about a chick this time. Whos better then the ever so sexy Jennifer Love Hewitt who has the bare boobs to distract anyone from the film. Sometimes you can get through the film by simply staring.

The movie begins with some undercover guy in the water packing business that gets murdered by water. How ironic. Jimmy Tong(Chan) is this crazy taxi driver that has to many traffick tickets and license suspensions that he cant bother to remove his soul patch. He on one ordinary day tries to ask out this beatiful girl at the art gallery. Obviously nervous. I mean why not, He's basically wearing a hooters shirt and has the confidence of a warcraft nerd. He fails obviously and stumbles upon a sexy secretary(Debi mazar) who gives him a job to drive the great Clark Devlin(Jason Isaacs).

So now he's making bank and scoring with the bosses leftovers. He walks into his closet and finds a expensive tuxedo that turns anybody into inspector gadget. He soon ends up in this water conspiracy that could endanger us all. Water, endanger us...HAHAHAHAH. So the movie is about water...that makes you thirsty. How very original. This is a kids film with adult comedy. Jackie Chan is charming and Jennifer Love Hewitt is sexy but their odd chemistry and the countless special effects makes this barley entertaining.

A horrible script thats being adapted into a 2 hour long commercial featuring tuxedos and breast implants. The acting wasnt a problem, even the action wasnt bad. But its undeveloped story and corny characters makes this nothing more but mere ripoff of what couldve been. Watch if your a Jackie Fan as it will have Jackie action written all over the film. But if your an outsider, leave it at the racks. Not totally worth it.


The fact that I found this film to be humerous can almost question my judgment. But hey, I had fun with this junk. John Carl Buechler is known for making crappy horror films yet I found this one to be the funniest. Oh dont forget, it has a Harry Potter reference. Woooooooo. Literally.

The plot follows this new family that moves into this apartment. All feels well until the young Wendy(Jenny Beck) stumbles into the laundry room. Whoops. She is then kidnapped by a troll in which the troll takes her place. From that point, the troll terrorizes families and turns them into vegetables. So that he can revive his fairy buddies. What do you know, thats the plot. Its up to Harry Potter Jr to save the apartment from going green. Damn republican. Oh the trolls name is Torok. Any reference to the game Turok?

This is in all sense a silly film but silly fun. Its not boring and I found myself enjoying this old crap. It makes me wonder if J.K Rowling stole the potter idea from Troll. Besides, who wouldnt. Harry Potter and The Green Troll. Sounds like Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. They can be the same. Snape is evil, so is Troll. Troll knows magic, so does Snape. The only difference is their height. And maybe appearance. I wouldnt bother with the idea. This is a film that I actually recommend.

From silly games to seductive little girls, this is the most likley film to make you laugh. Even in the most serious moments. It never succeeds in becoming a great horror film but it does end up to be cheap popcorn flick. As your done watching this, you think to yourself "What Did I Watch?". And you answer, crap but good crap. Troll can turn people into peapods but its interesting to see if it can turn me into a fan.

Children of the Corn

Maybe the best of its series. The original Children Of The Corn becomes not a scary film but a suspensful one. We know Stephen King for being a horror king. Although his ideas can be quite predictable and boring. This one however is quite satisfying.

The plot follows a couple who goes to some cornfield in Nebreska in which they end up with some religous children who thinks corn is god. What else is left to know exept the couples lives are in danger.

I like Linda Hamilton as an actress. I mean shes freakin Sarah Conner. But this film isnt the greatest as I expected but it offers enough thrills to become mildy entertaining.

Fast & Furious

So what, I enjoyed this movie. What are you going to do? Sue me? Paul Walker and Vin Diesel join forces once again as they need eachother to become bankable. We all know what happened with "Babylon A.D" and "The Lazarus Project". So when they do come back together, it always have something to do with cars and drug dealers. This time its in Mexico.

The movie starts of all wierd. Dom(Diesel) is stealing oil off the roads of the Dominican Republic while Conner(Walker) is chasing down street thugs to get inside info on street racing. Let me guess, their life intertwines once more because apparently a women dies and everybody has to circle around her. And yes, she dies for being a inside voice for the FBI. Now Conner and Dom must join forces and stop Braga. A evil business man who kills off his drivers. Charming enough I guess.

I applaude the film for its amazing races and stunts. It is action packed and delivers it better then any other racing films that I have seen. But thats what it comes down to. Action, something everybody loves but for movie buffs like me, we want a little bit more. Like a coherent story and developed characters. When it all starts, it just starts. Not much background check exept that Dom is burning the feds with his classic cars. Apparently either their stolen or he uses them to steal.

But as a action buff. I give this a pass. Not the best of the series but it has enough to fill our hunger for imported cars and hot women.

The Time Traveler's Wife

When a movie is based on a best selling novel, its easy to say that we can make quick comparisons. Most of us would want the film to be loyal to the novel but their are some who could care less. I would be that person. Eric Bana and Rachael McAdams team up in this romantic drama that features a time travelor and a skinny white girl with a eating disorder.

The film starts of with a little boy and his mother singing christmas carols. Along the way, their car gets strucked by by a truck in which the little boy time travels. It is believed that it happens when he is stressed. Its some type of genetic disorder. Now all grown up, Henry(Bana) time travels quite often. Especially when he's drinking. How cleverly put. Eventually some random girl by the name of Clare(McAdams) tells him that she knows him of the past. That he time travels often to see her in the meadow and blah blah blah.

So when you wrap things up since it can be confusing in the begining, it seems even more confusing. How many Henry's are we going to see? How many times does he appear. Even if he dies, a young Henry will come back to see her. Perfect relationship??? YUP. A man who never dies and even as you grow, a younger version of your man would appear to please you once more. Kind of messed up but can be quite exciting.

A film that serves little purpose to make much sense exept to tell you that a time traveler is married to a cute artist. As a male viewer I found this film almost intolerable. But no refunds after 30 minutes. I was so into Rachael's skinny body that I lost time. When I checked out my cellphone, it has already passed 30 minutes. I have already spent money on it so why not. Why not stay and watch some guy to force a girl to wait her entire life. Clare even said it perfectly, "who would want that". At this point, I was tired and the butter on my popcorn was wearing off.

This film would be loved by ladies as sensitive beings usually do. But as a outsider, the film is rather stupid and silly. The plot is unexclusive and the characters are driven by alcohol and abortion. To waste money on this is like going to Vegas. You might enjoy your time but in the end, you feel conned. I like Bana and McAdams as actors but their chemistry cannot outweigh its outcome. A horrible film that offers very little to become entertaining.

The Matrix Revolutions

Ok Neo can die already and save the world from his stupid glasses and his awkward voice. Wachowski does know how to ruin a film in less then a year. Yes, this film was released in the same year as "Reloaded" was. What makes this a bad sequel? Well almost everything. From Neo to Neo.

The story follows Neo(Reeves) trying to save the world from machines that look like semen. He tries to kill himself and save everyone else. How heroic. Everyone is now back in base to prepare for one last defense. That is literally the plot.

This film easily comes down to breaking visuals and the ever boring performance of Keanu Reeves. All of the touching concepts that made us love the first Matrix is completely gone in this one. The robot war against the humans in robots are quite interesting. Its visually stunning but that is it. A film dedicated to look good. Thats just about it....Really.

The Matrix Reloaded

Not the best spinoff or sequel or whatever you want to call it. But its still midly entertaining. Wachowski once again directs this sci fi action thriller but less coherent. Not the best sequel but not the worst either.

It doubles the action and doubles the agents but to what extent. To become a all out slugfest? Hmm, I believe so. Thus backfiring. More action is always good but silly plot and lack of effort in other areas hurt this film. The plot follows Neo(Reeves) who is starting to have bad dreams about the end of the world and such but more importantly, the death of his lover Trinity(Carrie Ann Moss). The oracle says he must visit the Architect. It seems the Architect can change the future. Just think of him as god. But he does the obvious leaving Neo "the chosen one" to do it himself. How do you interfere with the future? Well if your the chosen one you can. Even Jesus cant do that.

So now this film becomes more of a love story. Why? I dont know. To appeal to women maybe. It still has the nice shots and the top notch action but what else does it have to cover. The entire film is nearly based on Neo and Trinity going back and foth saying "no" and "I must". Love can be a game changer. Such a change that made this film not as good as the original. As you may know, Agent Smith(Hugo Weaving) is unstoppable as he has many clones. So why cant he beat Neo? Well its a movie so Neo must survive every god damn event. I guess he's god and the architect is but a tool. Fooled us in so many ways.

Its not the best film out there. But for the fan of the series, its quite enjoyable. It still has its kung fu and aqua visuals from the original but theres come a time where I've had enough. But in the smallest of remorse, I have enjoyed this flick. Not better then the original but like I said. Still midly entertaining.

The Matrix
The Matrix(1999)

The Wachowski brothers come to their senses and made one heck of a sci fi action thriller. Keanu Reeves may not be the best actor and his only word of amazement is "whoa", but he still makes his character Neo very likable. This is a rather confusing subject about the whole matrix, multiple worlds thing. But in the end a lot will spell itself out.

Thomas/Neo(Reeves) is this normal guy working at some office. One day a man calls him by the phone and orders him around. If he doesnt follow, then "agents" would try to kill him. You finally meet the man in the phone. He is known to be Morpheus(Laurence Fishburne). Now Thomas is all hooked up on this mysterious group thats trying to save him. Or so it seems. Now in a different world, what does he do. Fight crime? No, they play a cat and mouse with the agents. Their goal is to try and save the matrix. If they fail, then everyone is in danger.

The story is quite simple. Add in gooey special effects and slow motion bullets and you get the Wachowski experience. The "bullet time" is what they call it. More like back breaking and aqua visuals to me. There is always an appeal to this movie. Its about life changing moments and how each imagination can be created through the thought of our mind.

A visual experience that cant be ignored. Its stylish and offers new heights into the science fiction genre. Not perfect but obviously entertaining. With great kung fu action and the presence of an impressive cast, this becomes more then just popcorn flick.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Now this is what I'm talking about. Frodo is almost there, Samwise shedding tears, and Aragorn ripping orcs/goblins apart. Peter Jackson finishes with style and does it with confidence. He is starting to become a prominent director. Most notable in the fantasy world. This film is by far the best in the series and it deserves every nomination it gets.

The story at this point is simple. Frodo is almost there, Aragorn is falling in love with Arwen(Liv Tyler), and the humans has to make one last stand agianst the dark forces. Cant be simpler then that. The world is now in total danger. As Frodo is getting closer, things seems to get worse. Why? Well as Frodo progresses, the Dark Lord gets pissed off. So he keeps sending out convoys or even armies to slay the humans once and for all. Why not focus on Frodo? I guess being a Dark Lord doesnt require brain power. Oh wait, they do. They send little guys in black capes to chase Frodo. We have seen how that worked out. Yet they're still eager to keep trying.

Now the movie stands at either armageddon or world peace. Frodo is yet again the last chance as he's always been. Now Aragorn is ordered to help gather forces to aid Gondor in one last fight. Rohan who never got help from Gondor is skeptical. But again Gondor is human so sooner or later, it's gonna happen. But its not enough so Aragorn must gather ghost troops. How do you gather ghost troops? Well if you have the sword of Isildur, then you can almost hurt anything. Apparently thin air is in the equation. Ghosts are basically thin air right? Anyways thats irrelevent. Because at this point, the movie is super hyped up.

Sword fights, magic lights, and dragons are now involved in one of the biggest battles ever seen on screen since "Braveheart". Maybe bigger because a anti semmist in blue war paint doesnt seem all that intimidating. The scale is now larger then ever and each scene serves great purpose. Feelings are touched and created as each moment goes on. Friendships are created and hatred expands. Humans and orcs in one final battle. There is no other battle more important then this. Well maybe World War II or any other real life war.

This film is an instant classic. Its revolutionized fantasy and made it more popular then ever. This is the best in the series although it can be quite long. I felt it was necessary. One to remember for every fan of the series. Its definantly memorable and it doesnt back down. It flatters J.R.R Tolkiens life and instantly made elves something awesome. A once in a lifetime experience that cant be missed. Its a wonderfull film that never goes away. It stays with you. It can even complete you. Perfect Perfect Perfect.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

A major step forward for the Middle Earth Saga. Peter Jackson can sure make a movie that is more in depth. Unlike the original, this one is exciting from begining to end. It became more then just Frodo, it had a second story to it that became one of the most epic yet.

The story still follows Frodo, of course. Elijah Wood this time improves his acting and I can actually watch him without having to worry. He and Samwise Gamgee(yes thats his name) are on their way to Mordor. In the meantime in Rohan, a king is under the influence of the dark lord. And his family as well as his kindom has become ghosts. Its up to the three heroes Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli to save someone yet agian. Despite chasing two fellow hobbits. Guess they didnt matter. But they cant do it alone. They must need the white Gandalf. Apparently he didnt die and is now back stronger then ever. Ian Mckellen once agian flourishes but with whiter hair.

The film focuses on two stories. The old king who listens to a homeless guy. Yes a homeless man who has bad odor and doesnt seem to wash his hair. Not to forget, he has a crush on a young gal who doesnt show a hair of interest in him. The other story would be Frodo and his BFF trying to destroy the ring. But they keep going around in circles so they get help. From Gollum of course. The ingrate that tried to steal the ring. Yet they need him since he knows the way. So might as well suck it up Samwise Gamgee. Is'nt that his job? To be wise. I guess not because he focuses to much on how to feed Frodo then to protect him. Gollum actually saves Frodo on more then one occasion. I liked how Jackson told two stories at the same time while playing splitscreen. He keeps it in balance and it doesnt lose track.

The acting has always been superb and in this latest installment, it hasnt changed. This film features great cinematography and stunning visuals that doesnt bore you. It actually makes worth its 3 hours. Which is hard for any filmmaker to do. A definant improvement from the original.

A near masterpiece that is drivened by soulful characters that features some of the best looks in film history. Its dazzling of course. But it tells a great story that always amazes me. I can admit that I am more Frodo friendly. A must see film that deserves its oscars.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

When little boys became our only chance, boy is that something. Ever wonder if the world was hanging on Zac Efrons shoulder? Peter Jackson debuts in his biggest film yet. Based on the famous book by J.R.R Tolkien. What I liked was that it stayed very true to the book and at the same time added elements not present. With it, he created a entertaining film instead of a 600 page video diary.

New coming stars such as Elijah Wood potray as the young Frodo. A little known hobit who soon becomes Middle Earths last chance. At least for the humans. Accompanied by Gandalf(Ian Mckellen), he must find a way to destroy it. So they go to wise elf who then tells Frodo to throw it into the hot mountian of Mordor. But he cant do it himself, so a fellowship is created. From there you meet a strong line of characters. Legolas(Orlando Bloom), Arogorn(Viggo Mortensen), and Gimli(John Rhys-Davies). A ensemble cast that requires a little bit of storytelling for every character we lay our eyes on.

From that point, they cross snowy mountains, deep forests, and dwarve caves that to a point becomes a adventure game. From there you meet a special creature by the name of gollum. A ex hobbit who turns senile and skinny. He hunts for the ring and to some extent, bound by it. At this point, it should be exciting. With dazzling effects, strong action scenes, and a developed story.

But I cant help but make a comparison. To me, Frodo is gollum without the mental problems. Heres a kid who seems to be able to hold off a powerful ring that can turn anyone crazy. Why is it that way? Well it just so happens otherwise the ring can never be destroyed. A problem I had with the film. There shouldnt be much of an emotional toll that this kid had. Talk about melodrama. The test of strength and a mark of courage gives you the ever short Frodo. Which can explain his heroics which is unlikely for a hobbit who smokes pipes and plays the flute.

Peter Jackson made this a scenery. But with 3 hours long, I cant help but be bored at times. I loved Ian's performance but this film easily degenerates into bromance and stubborn elves. But for what its worth, its still somewhat an entertaining film.


Its always fun to watch fairy tales. Especially if it turns into reality. But is New York the best place? Yes. Its personality and enviroment proves to be perfect in this sentimental tale of a women in a different world. Amy Adams plays Giselle, the princess in distress. Being thrown out by the jelous stepmother Quenn Narissa(Susan Sarandon). And yes we have seen this tale before. Disney magnified the idea if you didnt know.

It starts out as a sing along with the forest animals and the dress up games. Then comes along the royal prince Edward(James Marsden). About to live happily ever after, the desperate queen seduces Giselle and throws her into a dark reality that is New York. Kind of a low blow if you ask me. She obviously sticks out with her clumsiness and her high pitched voice. Finally a modern day prince comes along and takes her in. He so happens to be Robert(Patrick Dempsey), a divource lawyer.

The story goes on and she actually becomes quite a fuss for Robert. Invading his privacy, interupting at his job, and prancing about Edward. To most people, she wouldve been dropped at the next bus stop. But this is a fairy tale and happy endings must happen. Besides, would you throw a cute girl like Amy Adams to the streets? I wouldnt. The film has a lot of cross references to other fairy tales. Maintaining a lot of thematic elements found in "Sleeping Beauty" and even a hint of "Cinderella". Despite the fairy tale similiarities, it carries a certian formula. A formula used quite often in romantic comedies.

Yet it worked so well. I guess the charm of Amy Adams(Not to forget her singing ability) makes up for that. She steals the show and her ever ending problems become our joy. Doesnt seem right but you just cant help but laugh everytime she messes up. I felt this film tried to be to melodramatic but like prince Edward said, I dont know that word.

A cute redhead in a big white dress that stumbles the streets of New York would always be a sight. But Enchanted is more then just forest animals and big dresses. Cliche to say but its an echanting film that reviews every happy and sad moment in our life. I guess being a princess in distress is not a bad thing afterall. A truly charming film that can be enjoyed by everyone.

P.S: I cant help but sing along.

A Perfect Getaway

I have to admit, I enjoyed this flick. David Twohy gave us the popular "Riddick" series that featured a man whos name is based on cars. With Steve Zahn and the ever beautiful Milla Jovovich, you expect a classic. Yet all you get is a more then passable yet gimmicky thriller. This film ultimately degenerates into beautiful scenery and double crossers.

The film starts of with a newly wed ready to go on their honeymoon in Hawaii. How awesome is that. They go through many long trails until they meet up with a couple themselves who dont look all that pleasant. They ignore them and keep on moving and see yet another couple. Not before some out of nowhere hikers are warning them about the death of a newly wed couple. (Gasp) Can it be them? Is it safe? Well like all dumb characters, they completely ignore it. In the end you get three couples. One is normal, one is scary, and the other one is hyped on situation awareness. No one knows whos the killer and thats what makes this film good. Its a guessing game which turns up the suspense.

At this point, two couples are having fun hiking in near circles. You get to seem them hike for nearly 3/4's of the movie. Talk about scenery. Timothy Olyphant who plays the ex navy seal with the disk in his back tends to play games with Cliff who is potrayed by Zahn. The two toy with eachothers conscience until Cliff has had enough. It looks like a nerd in distress to me. They continue the friendly game until finally when one couple double crosses the other. That is where all the action starts. One runs away and one tries to kill. A perfect cat and mouse game.

There is a odd twist in the end with the many flashbacks that doesnt actually confuse you. Which is odd because I dont really like twists. But you will need it otherwise you will literally have no idea whos the killer. There is a clone in the begining but dont fall for it. Twohy does a great job in handling suspense and keeping the answers hidden. He also tries to put clues in each scene to make you wonder how each situation handles out. Theres one part in which a women compliments on how hard it is to kill her lover, causing the normal couple to have stareoffs with eachother, while creepy music plays in the background. Twohy lets each scenerio plays itself out. In the meantime not to let everything out in one scene. Otherwise, the suspense is crappy.

I like Milla as an actress and shes beautiful as ever in this film. Timothy Olyphant finally revives his career with a much better performance, unlike "Hitman". This is obviously a character driven film. With each couple having some form of past that can be handled and cared about with the audience.

This is by far one of the better thrillers to come out this year. Its not as scary as its intentions are trying to be, but its a hell of a ride filled with great oceans and beautful green forests. A more then passable thriller that involves not dumb and horny teens, but horny and dumb adults. Not a top ten but definantly a worthy see.

Blade Runner
Blade Runner(1982)

Are you a replicant?

I decided to see this movie because I'm a huge Ridley Scott fan. Bladerunner is his third feature film and despite it being made in 1982, its still a crowning visual.

In a cyberpunk vision of the future, mankind has developed the technology to create replicants, human clones used to serve in the colonies outside Earth but with fixed lifespans. In Los Angeles, 2019, Deckard(Harrison Ford) is a Blade Runner, a cop who specialises in terminating replicants. Originally in retirement, he is forced to re-enter the force when five replicants escape from an offworld colony to Earth.

A futuristic sci-fi thriller. One that glorifies the genre. With a great cast and stunning visuals for its time, it can be a joyride from start to finish. I know why it can confuse people at the start as it did me. Watch it once or twice and you would get it. A astonishing film indeed.

Bladerunner may look outdated but from what its worth, priceless material.


The Golden Compass

Where will we go Lyra?

One of the biggest concern was the ending and its religous controversy. It didnt bother me because I could care less. New Line hopes to replenish their name since Lord Of The Rings. Does Golden Compass do that? Not exactly but its still a magical film to enjoy.

The film focuses on Lyra(Dakota Blue Richards) who is given a golden compass and must find her uncle.

The experience you get while watching this movie is something you cannot miss. Its visually stunning and the top of that has pretty good story telling. Lyra is a charming character perfected by Dakota Blue. Chris Weitz is a academy award winning producer, writer, and director who did his best to make this the most entertaining movie it can be. This film proves so. Aside from the unexpected ending and its small controversy(It didnt bother me), I enjoyed the film. I liked how it looked. Its definantly a sight to see.

This film is more then just special effects. It has an odd way of story telling. Like the compass and the parallel worlds. But being something new and fresh is a good thing. I rather watch this then some ripoff of Lord Of The Rings. The action is beautiful, the girls are beautiful, everything is beautiful. I sat through this movie feeling nourished. A fresh feeling that I dont feel much often when watching movies. The soundtrack is beautiful and honest to god I enjoyed Nicole Kidmans performance. Which is rare for me as I don't really like her. I believed I said beautiful to many times. But thats what this film is, beautiful.

Beautiful is a short term indeed. What else makes this a sight? Well you almost have to enjoy Ian Mckellen every time he is on screen. He may be voicing a polar bear, but his witty charm still flies into our face. This is the type of film that revives Fantasy. Its reminds us how good these films can be. The last time I saw such a film was Lord Of The Rings. Its been at least five years. I felt the ending tried to make it look like a planned sequel. Thus having a small concern for me. But that is not something to hold a grudge for. I felt like it ended purposley. But with a purpose. To try and force us to watch a sequel. However it backfired.

This is a film about a young girl whos trying to find her uncle. Filled with love, twists, and anger, it seems you have to like it. Its a shine of honesty and bravery. I enjoyed the courage and much impressed with Dakota. She could be the next child star. In fact, I know she would be. Every movie has some sense of touch to them. This had every touch.

I have explained my reasons for liking this movie. To wrap things up, I guess I enjoyed the scenery. I guess I enjoy movies like this. I have a soft spot for eye candy films but this is more then that. Filled with an all star cast featuring one of my favorites, this is an appealing film that has all the elements of a great movie.

The Golden Compass is an innocent movie that blesses human emotions.


Never Back Down

Breathe with every hit.

Never back down looks like another UFC kid getting revenge because he felt like shit years ago. I checked this film out of curiousity. Honestly, I enjoyed this flick.

The story follows Jake Tyler(Sean Faris) who gets into trouble and moves to Orlando only to get into some more trouble. Invited to a party where he gets into a fight with school bully Ryan(Cam Gigandet). He loses(obvious) and gets humiliated at school. What does he do? Well he gets training of course to get revenge. He meets up with trainer Jean(Djimon Honsou). He teaches him martial arts also something bigger. To control anger I believe. He must now enter a tournament and challenge Ryan once more.

Its the most cheesy and cliche movie I have seen in the last three years. But its good cheese. Like Thirdman says, its like watching porn. Where the story is irrelevant and the only reason you watch it is because you want to see a bunch of people pummel eachother. When that becomes the case, theres plenty of it. Enough brawls and street fights to feed your violent hunger. Throw in a hot blonde called Baja and you get yourself a cheesy popcorn flick.

Sean Faris to me literally looks like a young Tom Cruise. Even sounds like at him in certian dialogue. I loved the acting especially by Djimon and Leslie Hope. I felt Djimon made his character the most appealing. A character in which I can care about. Leslie Hope on the other hand was charming and delicate. She made being mom a lot cooler.

You would not enjoy this if you expect a classic like "Raging Bull" or "Rocky". But with the slightest remorse and a small hunger for some original UFC beatdown, then go ahead and enjoy this flick. Not a great film but good enough to kill some time.

Never back down from this film, its not that bad.


Laid to Rest
Laid to Rest(2009)

Do you know where you are?

Robert Hall has brought us great creatures as a makeup artist. In his possible first feature film, he created an odd character but certiantly someone special. Not a huge fan in the slasher genre but since I enjoyed "Friday The 13th", I might as try to enjoy this film.

A young girl(Bobbi Sue Luther) wakes up in a coffin in the middle of a cemetary. She soon realizes that she was abducted by a serial killer. She must find a way out before he finishes what he started.

Bobbi Sue wakes up in a coffin, how original. Later on, some old man calls it a dead box and complains about death. Bobbi is actually a dumb girl who cant seem to find her balance or memory. The killer is actually a tall old men who uses a camera as his vision. Or so it seems. Sounds like a old pedophile to me. Instead of having sex, he rips them apart with a knife. Its rather a odd adaption into the slasher genre but with the coolest mask, I guess we can almost say its even.

Exept the fact that the movie is so hell bent in trying to make its victims stupid that it forgets to become a great story about some troubled man or whatever he is. Rather clumsy work that requires the best soundwork and slow serial killers. In the end you feal cheated like some expensive romantic dinner.

With so so acting and so so special effects, this seems to be a tolerable slasher flick. But I cant help but to dislike the film. Filled with cliches and stupid moments, this becomes your average slasher flick that likes to text on cellphones. Characters are once agian dumb and horny who tend to hesitate to kill a crazy man wearing a mask.

Laid to Rest to some may become tolerable but to me it was pure cheese.


Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

A new reality.

Final Fantasy brought a whole new bar to computer animation. It designed a beautiful world in which is impossible to do without technology. Hironobu Sakaguchi is a game creator that has been loved by millions. His 80 million sales of Final Fantasy games speak for themselves. I think he made a great film. More then meets the eye and more then a few a words.

The story revolves dead planets infested with spirits known as phantoms. Aki Ross(Ming Na) travels into a dead world to retrieve a life form, only to be intervened by special forces. It is known to be a spirit. She must collect all 7 to finally destroy the phantom and bring Earth to its old form.

This film has no true comparison to the games exept with VII. It has its thematic elements and the life force between this and VII are quite the same. Its honest to say that there isnt enough action that you might see in a Final Fantasy game. There are no summons, no cool swords, or dazzling magic. Instead Hironobu turned it into a much different world. A world where its devastated yet still carries its natural form, with it..its life. He made it into a beautiful yet still not safe galaxy. There is where its human element stands.

You see Aki' pain and have front row seats to Aki and Gray's(Alec Baldwin) romance. In the end to my belief was the strongest. Human sacrafice for the better good. Where love beats all. Is that not human enough to you? This isnt "Oliver Twist" for crying out loud. It has its own originality and brings forth a human concept. "For the better good". Its not trying to make you cry the entire movie. It tries to entertain you, make you laugh, and maybe shred a few tears. Its not a straight genre but has elements of every other. It can scare you and at the same time give enough action for the crazy fans to enjoy. Video game lovers would not like this film because it doesnt have any strong relevence to the games.

To any other viewer, its a sight to see. It dwells in a fantasy world that is content with spirits. More importantly, earth. It doesnt need to explain itself as it lets you wonder. Theres both comedic and dramatic effect and enough for it to become understandable. The story isnt dull. Its simple. You gather seven spirits and use it to kill the red phantom guys. How hard is it to follow and How is it dull. How many twists do we need until this whole thing breaks out and becomes more confusing then ever. Not a whole lot is wrong with this movie.

Its a great picture and could possibly be a cult classic. Its beautifully animated and it draws out its subjects enough for us to care for. This isnt boring or dull. Its creative, well crafted, and well drawn piece of work that lets us imagine. I for one enjoyed this movie. I liked how it looked, how it sounds, how it ended. Its a great story that can be told to centuries of generations.

Final Fantasy: The Spirits within is more then just a video game adaption, its a endearing story about a group of people that saved earth.


The Collector

Home invasion.

Has horror shifted from Halloween to Saw? In that case, I dont want to watch horror movies anymore. Its not original and it features the writing from Marcus Dunstan. Who has done a few saw films himself so its understandable that this would be a saw ripoff. Besides, this film was originally intended to be a prequel to Saw.

The film follows Arkin(Josh Stewart) who tries to steal from some guys country house. Little does he know, someone is already there.

Ok so a guy does home invasion and sets up traps all over the home. Who has time for that. The killer turns up to be some exterminator. How stupid is this going to be. This is just getting old. Horror movies has since shifted from scary people into male dominatrix. Screw Collector, this is plain unbearable. Man gets beat up and stabbed and still walk around like all he got is a bruise. The man is a exterminator not fucking hulk. And why do all of them wear a mask. The people are going to die anyway so what does it matter. Especially a leather wrestling mask, like he's zorro or something. Really dumb. Worst movie ever. Possibly worst then Street Fighter: legend Of Chun li.

I am really sick of this torture porn shit. I'm tired of it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Borderline stupid and the only appealing effect is love between Arkin and his kid. And why is he call the collector? He collects bodies and plays dolls with them? This is not original what so ever. This is a saw ripoff and an imitation of Hostel. To be honest, they're all the same. No reason for me to love this film. I simply hate the fact that people still buy this shit. Its gruesome and brutal and meaningless.

The Collector will not be collected by me when it comes out on DVD.


Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End

Pirates against everybody else.

The last episode in the Pirate world doesnt turn up to bad. So does it end in triumph or end with hatred from fans? Its rather mixed and still leads the cult of bad sequels. Gore Verbinski directed all three films along with the highly acclaim horror flick "The Ring". So when it comes down to a third sequel, what does he do? Well He tries to make it the best action movie possible so he can steal money from loving fans.

The plot follows Elizabeth Swan(Kiera Knightley) who tries to free Jack(Johnny Depp) from the land of the dead and at the same time try to convince Sao Feng(Chow Yun Fat) to join the Brethren Court. Along with her small romance with Will Turner(Orlando Bloom).

This sequel tries to become the most exciting one yet, instead it became a border line action film with nothing to care for. The action was shot beautifuly and the CGI was amazing. Yet I sit here almost not loving the film. Johnny Depp has made a pop culture mark with his Jack Sparrow character. He's funny and always finds a way to piss someone off. It always remain the same but I have to question his motives. It seems he just does anything that goes along and expects the best. But one thing is for certian. Why does he always end up with the people that try to kill him?

The plot was incoherent due to the overhwhelming action. The characters are the same and always tries to double cross eachother. So what is the purpose of having them around? Its silly and the only good thing going for them is Keira's legs and Jack's accent. Oh yeah, the action to. As each summer blockbuster tries to make bad sequels, I cant help but think why we still watch it. Its messy but good messy. That explains why we watch bad sequels.

You would always enjoy the characters and the comedic effect given by Depp and yours truly. It will promise you the action and the cool looking boats. The dutchman will continue to kill and Jack will continue to run. In all honesty this feels like a long crappy sitcom. Yet I still enjoyed the film to some degree. I liked the action, Keira is hot, and its visually stunning. You might feel conned after watching this film but if you use your imagination, this just might turn up ok.

The world cannot end with this film but my can.


G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Rise of the cobra.

Stephen Sommers is a action flick type guy who we all love and hate. His adaptions of "The Mummy" and "Van Hesling" has become a deal of controversy and mixed feelings. Today, he makes a film based of a famous american toy line. Does he succeed in making one of the best movies? No, but he made one hell of a fun ride.

The plot follows two american soldiors who are the convoy for some dangerous nano warheads. Intervened by two mysterious groups, they must join Gi-Joe and stop a double crossing arms dealer.

Filled with twists and amazing special effects, this becomes the near perfect escape fest. Something you watch just because. I liked it because its pure fun. With funny one liners and attractive women, I cant help but to enjoy this slugfest between two branch of futurized soldiors. The lead Channing Tatum gives off a terrible performance that slows the film down. It was actually unbearable yet the supporting cast was more then enough to counter.

Not the best summer blockbuster but it offers what every fun film has. Slow motion scenes, dazzling CGI, continous action, and enough comedic effect to win the audience over. A pure escape film that offers loads of fun and if this is not a fun film for you, then your expectations of a fun film is way to high.

If your tired of twists and unexplained mysteries, then you wouldnt like the film. But if you like suspense and some good looking cast, well you got one. What ruined the film for me was the ending. Especially with Sienna's character Ana and her small dilemma. I cant believe a man would still have feelings for her despite being shot by ray guns on more then one occasion. Rather silly and it tries to be romantic. I can tell you one thing though. Snake Eyes is my new favorite movie character.

Gi Joe offers the looks but lacks everything else to become that complete film, but I guess I had fun with it.



Take control of your own life.

Timur Bekmambetov tries to make a great action adventure about a kid turned assasin. It becomes that story but the main character is really cheesy. Can you curve a bullet?

The film follows Wesley(James Mcavoy) who lives a boring life. One day a unlikely person by the name of Fox(Angelina Jolie) takes him in and changes his life forever.

James plays this guy who lets the world walk him over. So what gets him to change. Well if you beat a guy to death, he's going to change his mind. I liked Jolie's character. A top notch killer with no side effects. Which is unbelievable but hey it a movie. A movie that features an ensemble cast built to kill. Extremely awesome.

The film loosley tries to be a revenge show while maintaining a small conscience. The plot was to try and cover up some middle of no where gang that uses a sewing machine to recognize targets. A rather dumb idea but can be unique I guess. The action consist of gun fights and raw chases featuring Jolies rack. If you know what I mean. Its not spectacuar but I guess its original and rough.

I guess when it comes down to it. This film is plain cheesy with crude humour, rough language, and violent scenes. Wanted doesnt tell you much and it doesnt need to. It wants to be an action flick with spits of drama and to express sexuality. In which we can admit that it does. Other reason to make this? Well to show off Jolies tattoos. Its still an interesting film with great performances and shows off its raw looks. It becomes more then just a straight action movie but not quite enough to garner tremendous hype.

Wanted is not over the hill type stuff but its gritty and special.


A Day in the Life

Gang life or better life.

This film was done by Sticky Fingaz. A rapper/actor. Not a whole lot on him exept he made one of the wierdest movies made to man.

The story follows Stick(Fingaz) who must choose between a peaceful life with his girlfriend or help out his cousin. After two family members get shot. Its up to him to make the decision before its to late.

Not going to say much on this film. Exept its like watching a very long rap video. Fingaz tries to play this man who has to choose his way of life which is a dilema we have seen in every gang movie. Nothing new and this is a rather silly film. I guess I gave it a near decent score because it was unique.

All you need to know is that the days of my life...is not like theirs.


Green Lantern: First Flight

Gaurdians of the Universe.

I have always been a fan of superhero movies. From Batman to Spiderman. From Spawn to Ironman. I loved them. They were my childhood heroes. I cant help but to unleash my childhood. I dont really watch cartoons but this might change my mind. It was a straight to dvd comic book film. Directed by Luaren Montgomery, a creative storyboard artist.

The story follows human Hal Jordan(Christopher Meloni) who recieves a ring from Green Lantern Abin Sur(Richard McGonagle). He is then lured to join the green lantern society as Sinestro's(Victor Garber) wingman. Little does he know that Sinestro has other plans. To rule the world with the element yellow. Its up to Jordan to save the society and possibly, the entire galaxy.

This is a well crafted and well drawn film that features one of the most interesting comic book heroes. Everything was nice. The musical score, the action, and the voice acting. The film does well to interest you with sweet graphics and unlikely twists and turns. Some are predictable, some can leave you scratching your head. I liked how Lauren approached the film. She tried to make it more then just a guy who can shoot green light at people. She made it a compelling story about trust, loyalty, and self conscience. With a few bits of action and a little bit of humour.

The Green Lantern is by far one of the best films of 2009 and I'm proud to say so. It will grab you with its magical ring from begining to end. From great pace to great music. From great action to interesting characters. The Green Lantern - First Flight is a one of a kind superhero movie that just so happens to be animated. Wether you love the cartoon series or not, you would definantly enjoy this action packed adventure about a man who becomes a galactic hero.

First Flight is an amazing adaption of an elliptical galaxy filled with people that wear magical rings.


Batman Begins

A hero is born.

Christopher Nolan, the man who created "Memento". He has become one of the brightest filmmakers in the recent years. And his in first superhero debut, not that bad. Its actually good.

The film follows young Bruce Wayne who plays in the yard and falls down in a well. Which so happens to be filled with bats. Years later, old Bruce(Christian Bale) is in jail. He gets picked up and gets trained by Henri Ducard(Liam Neeson). Now he returns back to gotham city to claim what is his.

A very dark turn for the batman series and the beloved cartoon is well...no longer a cartoon. Its drastic turn made this film all the better. I like the new batman although Christian Bale could loosen up the stupid groaning noise. There was controversy for bad casting and to me that can be true to some point as I hate Christian Bale. But I have to give him some credit here. His performance was good enough to overshadow the point that he's not that good of a batman. Who I liked most was Liam Neeson. He's getting old but he still got it. Chopping off arms, breaking necks, and whipping out the sword is something I love to see him do. Remember "Star Wars"?

Christopher Nolan knew he had to create a new batman. Something much more mature and twisted. And so he did. Its not new for Nolan however. Films like "Memento" and "Insomnia" are all very dark films and Chris, well used his old work and incorporated it with Batman. Some major A-list stars appear in this film as well. Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine give off great performances to further improve for what is already a pretty good film.

My objection to the film was the lack of action between Bale and Neeson. The two had sword fights early on but soon turned into a chase afterwards. The casting of Katie Holmes as Rachael was in question. I felt she was to clumsy looking to play such a serious character. At last we come to Christian. I guy who i believe was to be the worst batman of them all. His ridiculous voice made me hate him even more. I do believe he brought a darker tone to the character but that was Nolan, not Bale. Which is a plus, but the voice and lack of intimidation is just worthless.

Despite the small negatives I enjoy the look and the action that is given. The cinematography is some of the best I have seen and the writing is excellent. Not a whole lot of CGI but in its moments, looks pretty dazzling. if you question how I said Bale didnt make his character darker then you need to check yourself. Bale couldve been any type of batman. It was Nolan who introduced the idea. Bale just went with it and it paid him good.

Batman Begins is more then just a cartoon episode, its a man who feared his past and used it to conquer what he lost.



The Cold Eternal.

The film was honored by awards so I decided to check it out. And my god was it horrible. Every serious moment was laughable, the dialogue was silly to hear, and the scares were just....well not scary.

The plot follows Sam(Thomas Calabro) whos a struggling writer. He gets a job at the local store. He soon finds out that his boss is already dead and is using other peoples skin to live. Talk about eternal life...yuck.

This movie is just a waste of time. It won the awards out of pity. Calling it classical and one of a kind. Well it is, for being the dumbest horror movie I have ever seen. It tries to be a hostel flick that takes place in coolers instead of large abandoned buildings. Oh yeah, the funny part is that it all takes place in the back rooms of a small liquor store. How suprisingly stupid.

The acting was horrible and the only decent job was done by James Russo who plays the obsessed cop. A man whos been in 90 movies and yet, mediocre. Everyone else were amateurs. The lines are plain and the musical score were so badly used that you didnt really understand what the situation was. They used a suspense score for a job interview. I mean, COME ON! The film is just sick and tries to mimic other horror movies. It fails even at that, so in the end you get a big fat ZERO.

The writing was bad, the directing was bad, even the action was bad, There is no reason to like this film unless you liked watching prostitutes get skined alive. Which is a pretty odd fetish. The funny part is that the prostitutes brought actual light to the film. After watching this pile of junk, I had to make the comparison. This is a Hostel ripoff and it seems boobs are a better sight then this. Skip it and if you happen to own it. Just burn it.

Not to forget the special effects. I know this is a small budget film but come on. I felt like I was watching a 1960 space film. Even the flames looks incredibly fake. Talk about effort. This is a effortless film. Has no desire to become interesting and its goal is to try to piss us off. Honest to god, it succeeds.

Chill tries to become an original piece of work but lackluster effort makes this pickup trash for early monday.


The Proposal
The Proposal(2009)

Will you marry me?

Anne Fletcher has been a part of numerous romantic comedies but her latest work was "27 Dresses". I have to admit, this one is pretty good. Ryan Reynolds was fresh out of "X-men Origins" in which his appearance garnished positive feedback. Now in a full length film, will it be the same? To me, exactly the same.

The film follows executive editor in chief Margaret(Sandra Bullock) who is about to get deported for an expired visa. She then forces her assistant Andrew(Ryan Reynolds) to marry her in order to avoid getting deported. However as their sin progresses, love is in the air and new relationships are created.

Ryan and Sandra both have great chemistry but the films devotion to typical romcom formula made this "just another romcom". Which is nothing to be proud of. Cliche moments and predictable endings can make this boring but the chemistry between the two stars are more then enough to win you over. I love Betty White and her performance in the film. She tries her best to make this film a little bit more interesting.

Despite the cliches, there are some nicley written parts in it. The naked bathrobe scene in which Ryan and Sandras body both collide can be a memorable one. The only problem in this film was the formula. The one that we see every day. Guy doesnt like girl, they hang around, and then guy finally loves her. Why is it like that? Well we are used to it thus not expecting anything new. The last time I saw Sandra Bullock was in Crash. I movie in which I didnt like so much. But her performance in this film was overshadowed by Ryans vibe. Just another word for charm. His comedic effect in this picture proved to be the savior and Sandra, well just so happens to be a part of it.

I have to admit that I enjoyed The Proposal. Its not new or as interesting as other great romcoms but thanks to the chemistry, it was passable. Its funny, sassy, and the least entertaining to make this a good movie to enjoy. In all honesty, this is Sandras better films along with Ryan. Its a nice duo in which we can respect and it will be interesting to see them agian.

The Proposal doesnt propose new ideas but its characters can surely help.


The Hangover
The Hangover(2009)

Some people cant handle vegas.

Todd Phillips gave us some of the funniest comedies ever. "Old School" and "Road Trip" were funny adaptions. This one is no different. Its hilarious and extremely clever.

The story follows four friends who go to vegas for a bachelor party. In one crazy night, the groom goes missing, theres a tiger in the bathroom, a missing tooth, and a baby. Its up to Stu(Ed Helms), Alan(Zach Galifianakis), and Phil(Bradley Cooper) to find thier missing friend Doug(Justin Bartha) in this hilarious yet unimaginable adventure.

This a well scripted, well crafted piece of work. The situations are funny, the lines are funny, everything was funny. Not a single moment where you dont laugh or chuckle. This is by far one of the funniest movies I have seen in a long time. Zach does the perfect role of simply talking with no facial expressions. While Bradley Cooper layed it out in the line. This is simply to funny to resist.

A lot of the moments in this film is basically men who have no idea what happens so they do a little background check. The results are just to die for. The stripper and the tiger were something else. This takes part in Vegas. Sin city, the place where some people just cant handle it. Movies involving hangovers usually end up to be the same crap everytime. This hangover however is simple to understand but the results are ridiculous.

Arguably Todd's best work and I can see him do a sequel. I would love to see it. This is not a film for anyone but to the mature audience, this is easily the best thing you have seen in a long time. Congrats to Todd and the writers for creating such a near masterpiece. Great comedies are hard to come by. But for Todd, its just another day in the office.

The Hangover will leave you guessing and laughing till the end.


I Hate Valentine's Day

I love valentines day?

The film was another adaption by Nia Vardolos who was well known for "My big fat greek weding". Apparently this adaption is silly and full of crap. Maybe Nia should stop writing.

Florist Genevieve Gernier (Vardalos) believes that the best way to achieve romantic fulfillment is to never go on more than five dates with the same man. She is forced to reassess her philosophy when she meets Greg Gatlin (Corbett), a restauranteur who moves into her neighborhood.

I walked out on this film. It was just really dumb and silly. Nia's performance is one of the worst I have seen and the chemistry between her and Corbett was just awkward. Not going to say much on this film exept I lasted only 40 minutes of this film. Didnt bother to care and I definantly did not care how it finished. I hate this movie. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I hate this movie.

I really do hate valentines day, especially after watching this movie.


Basic Instinct 2

Whats your basic instinct?

The sequel to the highly anticipated controversy was directed by Michael Caton-Jones who I never heard of. So he decides to do this film with a old and unattractive Sharon Stone. How incomplete.

The film follows Dr. Michael Glass(David Morrisy) whos job is to help Chatherine(Sharon Stone) avoid jail time for murder. During the process, he gets a sort of fetish which leads him to a darker world of lies and seduction.

Sharons character was made to become a seductive sex machine while Davids character was made to be this horny doctor who would do anything to have sex with a 50 yr old cougar. The plot has many twists and turns. The ending broke the film and the intimate scenes look like amateur porn. There is no reason to like this film. Possibly the worst film ever made.

Basic Instinct claims to be an erotic thriller that features basic human instincts. To kill and feed. To outlive the other or whatever she was trying to do. The mental portion of the film really comes down to getting the guy drunk and confusing him with unknown events. The end twist really destroyed any dignity that this film might have left. It forces us to wonder and to imagine. Something no one wants to do.

Basic Instinct tries to be what may have been a interesting thriller but ends up as trailer trash that you watch for masturbation.


Madea Goes to Jail

Madea is back.

This movie is based off the play of the same name in which I have only seen glimpes of. The only other Tyler Perry work I saw was the sitcom "House of Payne". So his work was rather still new to me. Watching Madea for the first time in screen was something special. She was funny and brought a tough persona to women.

The movie follows Madea(Tyler Perry) who has gone in one to many troubles. Finally Judge Mathis puts her behind bars for five years. In the meantime another story occurs. Assistant district attorney Joshua(Derek Luke) finds an old friend Candy(Keshia Knight Pulliam) in trouble with the law for prostitution. Anxious to help her out, he drives himself away from his fiance while coping with his past. Candy is then caught and put in jail as well. Its up to Madea to lighten up Candy and the girls but most importantly, to get out of jail.

Madea is a fun character to watch but everybody else were blocking the view. I think this is why the film doesnt work. It doesnt focus on Madea as much as it was intended to. More on the prostitutes and crooked attorneys then the ever charming Madea. WHICH WAS THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE. There were some nicely written parts and some laugh out scenes. I in particular enjoyed the anger mangement course the most. Madea and Dr.Phil layed it out and the "got" conversation is among the funniest.

Other then some odd chemistry and predictable moments, this film can be enjoyable. Madea is great as ever but the lack of prison time in the film made this "Candy gets in trouble then Madea goes to Jail". It doesnt lack interest and the comedic effect along with melodrama makes this more then passable.

Madea is both charming and funny enough to cover every hole this movie has.


The Ugly Truth

The truth is never pretty.

Two delightful stars tries to take part in this late romantic comedy. Romantic comedies will never work unless they have the right material and use the right formula. Robert Luketic has been known for make "Legally Blonde". Will he be known for making this film? His small experience doesnt help him out as much as this film becomes to predictable.

The film follows t.v producer Abby(Katherine Heigl) who is going to lose her program if she doesnt get the ratings. Her boss decides to hire Mike(Gerard Butler) who hosts the show "The Ugly Truth". Abby is this lonely women who is dying for male attention. Its to be expected that she has a crush with her next door neighbor Colin(Eirc Winter). With the help of Mike, she slowly gets the man of her life. But soon realizes that she is no longer herself and the ugly truth can be hurtful.

As much as Gerard and Katherine bring it to the screen, it cant really save this more then predictable romcom. The film justifies itself through stereotypes and the degrading of both men and women. How women are classified in two categories of either bitch or man slave. While men are categorized as either man whore or sensitive lover. This film tries to teach a rule that goes with our ever growing society. But as the world has taught you, every rule has exeptions. Yet this film doesnt bother to show it until the very end.

Love is scary because you can never know if your going to get hurt or if your going to feel good for the rest of your life. Its compicated and can never be describe by one word, not even a sentence. Love is a process and a feeling. The film tries to format love like its a math problem or a guessing game. It deteriorates human feelings and questions value. It uses men as a checklist and women as toys.

There is a reason why people would hate this film. It tries to impress you with its knowledge but most importantly to make you think thats how the world is. Men are there for boobs and ass while women are always trying to find the perfect man that no one can fill its shoes. So they continue to walk a path of loneliness hoping for that fantasy. I guess it does teach you a lesson. To stop dreaming and deal with reality as it is. People are to afraid of it nor they dont want to believe it so they make stuff up to cover thier woes. That lesson can be very much taught in this film. Controversy of love is what drove this film down yet made it exciting.

Looking at the film alone, its still cheesy, cliche, and messy. There is no golden value to this movie exept trying to be the perfect contrast between men and women. In that, it succeeds. As to become the least bit of love story, it fails in astronomical ways. I dont care if their together and dont really care if they get any love what so ever. The characters are annoying and are built to become socities sex machines.

There is some funny parts in the film however. The restaurant scene was one of the funniest piece I have seen in a long time. I absolutely loved Katherines facial expressions during what people call, orgasm face. I liked the chemistry as well between the two stars. But this is definantly not enough to score. Its not that cute and only one big reason to watch this is if your into women wrestling in jello. I guess I was.

The Ugly Truth tries be this sentimental love story between two completely different people, but ends up as a When Harry Met Sally ripoff.


The Midnight Meat Train

Meat in the train.

This is an adaption of a short story by Clive Barker. I never read the short story so I saw this film unknowingly what I'm going to see. And it was terrible. I dont see why people like this film.

The film follows photographer Leon(Bradley Cooper) who is asked to take more serious and darker photos. Soon he stalks this butcher who later is known as the subway butcher. He kills people who takes the late train and feed it to some wierd alien like zombies. He finds himself to deep as he endangers his girlfriend Maya(Leslie Bibb). Its now up to him to stop the butcher Mahogony(Vinnie Jones).

This film almost leaps to another adaption into the torture porn genre. But not enough porn to settle it. The performance was superb and Mahogony can almost become a horror icon. But dumb cliches and silly characters make this "just another horror movie". Why is that every killer doesnt talk and every girl cant aim a gun. Oh yeah, they trip every so often to so that they die left and right. Its these ideas that kind of bore me to death. Its like watching Jason over and over agian. It needs to stop. Was it creepy? Not really.

This film drives to the focal point of strangers and that killers can come from just anybody. And definantly do not take the late train. You can end up as reptile food. Its bloody and gorey and the story can be a bit confusing. They dont tell you why they protect these odd looking creatures or why they even exist. Most importantly, the tatoo or mark on Leons chest. If I looked at it, it was a mark for him to become the next train killer. But honestly, why would they want him. A photographer? His life changes immediately after chasing the butcher. He turns into this crazy obsessed stalker that got his foot in the wrong place. So bad timing I guess. But why him?

There is no reason why any of this should happen. Why the train engineer has superhuman strength. Enough to ripp out a human tongue. He also eats it, disgusting and disturbing. Notice how I use two similar words to describe an action. Unless this is some type of fantasy horor flick then it can be understandable. But no, it tries to be this next Jason flick. It tries to be nothing more but a tall creepy guy who kills people at night. Just like other slasher films if you might say, exept this one takes place in subways. I liked Vinnie Jones in "Eurotrip" and "The Condemned", even in "X-men" but this is just horrible. Dont get me wrong, he does play a believable killer. I think he fits in the category of great character--bad movie.

I wouldnt know why people would enjoy this. But its good that people do. I just didnt. I found the film to be to grotesque to enjoy. Bradley Cooper may be funny and Leslie Bibbs is cute but this is just not it. I do believe however that this could become a cult classic. Maybe in the long run I would enjoy this movie more then I do now. But thats maybe. I am eager to see Bradley in more horror flicks. But more importantly, I'm more eager to see Ryuhei Kitamura do more american films. He may fail this one for me, but I always give a director a second chance.

Midnight Meat Train offers little scares and thrills to overcome its bitter story and cliche characters.



Four Riders Of Apocalypse.

Honestly, I was interested in this film due to part that Zhang Ziyi was a part of it. Jonas Akerlund is a unknown director to me and his first film "Spun" has never met my eyes. I watched this not knowing what I was going in to. I believe it was better off that way.

The film follows police investigator Aiden(Dennis Quaid) who gets a case to solve ceremonial deaths that occur in the city. With clues spread out as "Come and See" and several biblical references, the killers are to be known as the 4 horsemen. After arresting one of them. Its up to him to solve the puzzle and fellow horsemen Kristen(Zhang Ziyi) would provide clues along the way. But will he do it to jeopordize his relationship with his son?

Dennis Quiad does his best to try and save this film despite being a cliche ridden character. But the efforts are not good enough to overwhelm this bloody mess. This is the first time since I heard Zhang Ziyi speaking english continuously. Shes getting better but I loved her performance more then her attempts at the english langauge. Besides the acting, the film is flimsy and just disturbing. It tries to be to subtle and finds more torture rigs then it tries to fix the story.

This film features the four horsemen who are supposingly bringers of the apocalypse. They turn out to be four emos whos dying for love. Honestly, the torture rigs and disturbing images including a glimpse of a video taping of the "sacrifice" is just to much. Unless it tries to be the next "Hostel" or "Saw". Despite its heavy negatives there are still some good written parts in it and the acting was superb. The ending was criticized but I felt it was the right way to end the movie.

This film puts thier standards on sick torture devices and religious nutbags that Dennis Quaid couldnt save it from being silly and unpleasent.


Funny People
Funny People(2009)

Some people are born funny.

Judd Apatow directs his third film about comedians and thier dicks. Why is that? The last two movies always mention about the penis and self discovery. I liked 40 yr old virgin and Knocked Up was awesome. His third installment, well honestly not new nor that different nor that good.

The film follows two comedians. George Simmons(Adam Sandler) and Ira Wright(Seth Rogan) meet eachother in a comedy club. George whos an established comedian takes him under his wing. George finds out he has cancer which spins his life around making ammends with the ones he loved. Most importantly the one that got away, Luara(Leslie Mann).

Adam Sandler to my belief lost his macho. Not as funny as he used to be and Seth Rogan cant do anything without Apatow. Lets get that out of my system. Jonah Hill and Leslie Mann who appear as supporting roles to me were the better light. This is no different then other Apatow adaptions. Where dick jokes appear for the first hour and half then it becomes sentimental. Boring enough? I guess. Apatow has made a living for making teen comedies like "Superbad" and adult comedies like "40 yr Old Virgin". In which all were good films. Yet this one bothers to much on trying to be as funny as it can with standup one liners and crotch jokes that it lost track.

Its rather long and there was unneeded scenes that dont really deliver and some of the scenes in the trailer were left out. In all honesty, Apatow tried to mature himself with this film. In hopes to become more then just dick jokes. It really doesnt. Note that I do not hate Adam Sandler nor Seth Rogan. They are both great comedians and had some pretty good roles in pretty good movies. This just wasnt. Sorry Seth, your time with Adam doesnt par as it should be. I did however enjoy some of the jokes in the film. Like the doctor with the accent and some original standup comedy which were new and funny. Other then that, not so much. Which is a shame knowing who was behind it.

I felt the film tried to hard to become something they are not. Apatow tried to use his comedy and blend it with deep heavy emotions which dont coincide well. As a comedy, it was good for the most part. But to become that complete film it was intended to, unsuccessfull.

Funny People tries to represent something out of Apatows field and thats a heartwarming story, so it fails.



Mommy doesnt like me.

I checked this film out because of its dark and gloomy atmosphere about a estranged child. It was an interesting topic because of its controversy. Its better then it sounds. It mirrors itself with other child horror but this one is just a bit more exciting. Theres a reason why shes who she is. They poke fun of her, they degrade her, and they defile her verbally. I wouldve done the same thing. Sorry for showing weak morals and lack of understanding.

The story follows fellow orphan child Esther(Isabella Fuhrman) who gets picked up by married couple Kate(Vera Farmiga) and John(Peter Sarsgaard). At first shes happy go girl and then in an instance, its young Carrie. As feelings are torn and bodies end up dead, its up to Kate to save her family from Esther.

She is literally my new favorite child star. Isabella brought a whole new aura into the manipulative child killers category. Very believable in her performance. At one point, I felt sorry for the kid. As the film went on, there was no sympathy. The all around performances from the actors were amazing. Almost making this a star driven film. Yet it still maintains within the genre.

The scares were well made to frighten you with sick material. Unlike stupid jump scares. Its gross and unbearable to watch sometimes. But it was necessary for it to become what it is. A scary child who would do anything to get what she wants. Very manipulative and at critical moments can become extrememly uncomfortable. It is dark and it is scary. The car in reverse with the small child just made you stop and hope nothing goes wrong. You would think paranormal experiences would be scarier but this is just as scary.

The subject around the film is to simply state that you dont believe what you see until you really know them. In this case an orphan. Isabella really made her character the most pretentious and dangerous kid in the block. Talk about bullies. Honestly the idea is not new. But this one drives it to the core definition. Maybe you do need to know who you live with. Wether its an adopted kid or an intimate partner.

There is a twist in the end that can almost ruin the movie for you. In my case, it didnt bother me so much. Lets just say, Esther is older then she looks. I am not a fan of twists but since everything was good, I let it slide. Besides it makes perfect sense for why Esther has a special relationship with John. Or why she tried to. It actually explains a lot of things.

This film is plain crazy and twisted. Its psychotic at a whole new level. Very interesting from start to finish and its pace is perfect. This psychological thriller is well written and well acted filled with dark secrets, unbelievable twists, and crippling action. Its no wonder certian people love this movie. Its raw, violent, and amazingly disturbing.

A whole new thriller that can amaze anyone, even the most stone hearted people.


Nanny McPhee
Nanny McPhee(2006)

All you need is Nanny Mcphee.

Emma Thompson is a hallmark for acting and writing. Shes bright and clever and I admire her work and this installment, well its not the best but not the worst either.

Undertaker Cedric(Colin Firth) hires nannies to watch over his 7 naughty kids. With all of them quitting in near days. Until one night, a women by the name of Mcphee(Emma Thompson) comes to town and teaches the kids five lessons. If they past, she will leave.

Emma Thompson made a great observation of her own character. At first to me she is this horrid looking women who happens to know magic. And if they learn each lesson, a wart would go away. Maybe a witch trying to fix herself through children? No, after my final observation, it is believed that everyone sees her that way. As they learn to behave and love eachother, her beauty starts to show as a term for forgivness and better judgement. I started to juggle with the idea but thats not important.

The acting are all superb and Thomas Sangster who plays Simon is starting to show his maturity. I liked him in this film. Much better then what he did in his previous installments. I loved the acting and the story but I guess my lack of excitement for kid films shows. But for the better judgment and my content torwards Emma Thompson, I would have to say that I enjoyed it.

The idea of menacing kids doesnt motivate any nanny but hey its a movie. Its Dennis the menace meets Mary Poppins. You could say its a Mary Poppins ripoff but the target audience could care less. Its enjoyable and the charm of the actors are good enough to overwhelm its negatives. Its a fun filled family entertainment.

Sometimes all you really need is Nanny Mcphee.



Know your disaster.

A Sci Fi thriller with a touch of horror. It can get your curiosity and educates you a little bit about the sun. Alex Proyas directs this film. Remind you of anything? I, Robot. So what would a experienced Sci Fi director do next? Well, a montage of disasters that can be diciphered using numerology.

The film follows MIT professor John(Nicholas Cage) who lives alone with his son. After his wife perished in a local fire in her hotel, his judgment has since been clouded. In one school day, his son Caleb(Chandler Canterbury) recieves a letter from the time capsule which is a school event. In it was a letter with a numeric pattern written all over it. One night, John looks into it to find out that it dates every known tragedy in the last 50 years. With its dates and locations. One final date approaches John as the possible end of the world. What can John do to save the world from being incinerated? Answers you will find out by watching the movie.

People have bashed Nicholas Cage for his acting. Since *Adaption* or even *Leaving Las Vegas*, he has been a target of criticism. Why? He is not afriad to play the variety of roles given and is fearless in his apporach. As for the film, its a good sci fi drama flick. Not the best as Ebert would put it but definantly interesting. The ultimate solar flare and the " chosen ones ". All aspects that are being debated by scientists today. This is by any means not trying to be factual. But to be entertaining. To give us a perspective on our hot little buddy that sits in the air for most of the day. But more importantly, to express disasters in a very entertaining way.

The special effects were amazing although not a lot was used. Most of the scenes were of John trying to find out whats his son is doing and figuring out the puzzle. But when they do express the effects, it does it in a extravagant way. One of my favorite scenes were the airplane crash. It was at times unbelievable. Only if you can see it from different angles. That would be awesome.

There are flaws. Like the whisper people. They were the dark and light in the film. They created scares witht thier whispers and eerie music yet light the way for our young ones. All you know is that in the end, they turn out to be some type of alien. A lot about them were left out and I started to question the movie in the end. But most importantly, the death of Lucinda. A character who wrote the previous letter and was the catalyst to the future. Her death forced John to do other things which I found to be worthless. If she still lived, it wouldve made a more intriguing story.

In all sense, this film is quite fun to watch. The ending can be in question but it was predicted and necessary. This is a film that leaves us to ponder with science and the end of the world. Something that has become hysteria for people around this kind of time. Kind of like the witch trials if you might say. It brings a sort of twist and can leave you scratching your head, but you still know that something is going to happen. This is why I liked the film. It was suspenseful, entertaining, and the least scary.

The Knowing knows how to make both science and math fun and also twist it enough to scare you.



Some people are born special.

This film looks like an X-men rip-off. And its worst then that. Can it be? Yeah, why cant it. A shame? Yes, but we must be remorseful. For the same reason we watched it in the first place. Its a rippoff from other " Special Power " movies.

The film follows " mover " Nick(Chris Evans) who uses his ability to move objects to become a living in the gambling world. He is currently hiding from Division. A government agency that uses his kind to become weapons. A " watcher " by the name of Cassie(Dakota Fanning) comes to help Nick find a suitcase that can destroy Division and save her mother.

The film uses terms such as Bleeder to define thier " Mutants ". A bleeder for example uses sonic emmited waves created by thier sound to make you bleed through your ears. Scary and painfull. Its not confusing and in the end it will make sense despite the negative twists. What makes this a horrible film? Well the countless gun fights. You have powers to blow people away and yet, you carry a gun. For what? I guess I will never know. Oh and the twists. Dont get me on that. All I have to say, that it was unnecessary.

The special effects are average and not dazzling. The characters have no purpose but to shadow eachother through the countless twists and unneeded attention. Whats the point of adding Chris. Well, he has a connection. Yeah, thats what makes him special and thats why he's in the movie. I am being way to nice for this film. I guess I can be kind hearted after all. What is good? Well I liked Dakota Fannings and Hounsous performance and enjoyed the beauty of Ming Na. Including some decent fight scenes between Victor(Niel Jackson) and Chris. All good enough to overwhelm its total crappiness.

I guess if you have the patience, this film could be the least decent to enjoy. But if your me, then you would find this film useless. To be honest, its just a cheap special effect action drama that tries to earn a few bucks with no interest to become interesting. That is probably the case. Shame on me, for watching this cheap action fest for a set period of time to acknowledge it as passable.

Some people are special enough to waste time with this.


Aliens in the Attic

More then meets the title.

There are obvious reasons why you would ignore this film. The title and the films subject. Aliens who live in your attic and is planning to control you like a video game. But the mere fact that all of these actors are created through Disney was the line that I wouldnt cross. But hey, it was a boring Friday.

The film follows Tom Pearson(Carter Jenkins) who is forced to go on a family vacation in a dream house in Michigan. After a series of events, he meets a pack of aliens on his roof, who plans to invade earth by using the basement. Its up to Tom and his menacing cousin Jake(Austin Butler) to save earth from being invaded.

To be honest, the bulk of the cast were child actors with the exclusion of Robert Hoffman who plays the cocky and overgrown boyfriend Ricky Dillman. Oh yeah, also the parents whos role is to try and stall thier kids from saving earth. Only one likeable character in this whole bunch is the father who is played by Kevin Nealson. A charming and funny guy who knows what to do when on screen.

In all sense, this is a kids movie with a touch of teen. The laughs come from slapstick comedy and physical abuse of ones character. So be honest with yourself and walk into the movie with no expectations. Trust me, it will definantly help. I guess if you want more, you would have to imagine. But from what its worth, its decent and has enough human vs alien action to fill our needs. Some of the scenes involving the alien action can be a sight. Its well shot and its comical appraoch is always a delight.

In the end, its not much of a film. But good enough to waste your money. Its short, its fun, and it has Ashley Tisdale who plays a emotionally crippled teen. What else is better? I guess if your bored and your not a Apatow fan, then at least check out this flick. It can at least become cheap entertainment for your family.

Live as a kid, watch as a kid. All necessary tools to enjoy this movie.


In America
In America(2003)

Country of Oppurtunity.

Since I was a immigrant, I thought I should review this film. It really spoke to me as I to had trouble adjusting to american life. I cant help but love this film. Why not a perfect score? Because Djimon Hounsous character died. Sad, he was a great fellow. I saw this film in English class. We were comparing the film to the Angelas Ashes novel. It was kind of the same. Still a great movie.

The film follows an irish family who moves into america through canada. They recently lost a boy so moving to america was a getaway as you can tell. The film heavily surrounds Ariel(Emma Bolger). Shes the oldest and her struggle with her brothers death and her sisters curiousty becomes the conflict in the movie as well as her fathers actions. Its up to her to save the family but most importantly to help her father let go of Frankie(the boy).

The performances were rather amazing and memorable. I loved Emma Bolger in this film. Jim Sheridan sure has an eye for talent as well as quality. The cast to me was unknown but thier performance marked thier name in my memory. This is literally the only film I have ever saw from Sheridan and its a masterpiece. Its this type of work that always gets me excited. I love explosions and special effects but every now and then you need a movie like this to complete you.

The film has no flaws exept maybe the appearance of the slums in New York but thats what it looks like folks. Its very moving and touches all your emotions. Its forces tears and motivates smiles. It shows love and forges forgiveness. This is the type of movie that I love. Its a one of a kind film that I would treasure for centuries.

Its an endearing story that demonstrates love in its purest form.



Disaster in screen.

A stylish film with amazing speical effects but to me it almost failed to capture human elements. Overall, its still an interesting film filled with tornadoes and a then beautiful Helen Hunt. Besides whats cooler then a tornadoe and a young Helen Hunt?

The film follows stormchaser Bill Harding(Bill Paxton) and his ex wife Dr. Jo Harding(Helen Hunt). They are obviously storm chasers otherwise who would chase windstorms that can destroy buildings? Thier goal is to try to calculate wind speed of a F-5 tornadoe. Along the way they discover something bigger, eachother.

The film had great acting, amazing special effects, and some good writing. The thing that bothered me was the chemistry between Helen and Bill. It just felt wierd and uninspired at times. My biggest concern of the film was the lack of human development. It soon became a tornadoe love fest. If I wanted to see a tornadoe love affair, I would waste time on youtube and not a two hour long feature.

But there is good in this film. It kind of teaches us a little bit about earths biggest natural disaster. It feeds off of that and thats okay. I guess you can say this film can be a bit of a documentary. The biggest pro of the film would be quite obvious. The special effects of course. Why wouldnt it. Its dazzling although the end sequence could look a little cheesy, its still visually stunning. And for that matter, I gave this film a pass.

Twister can twist your mind around until you figure out that all you really watched was tornadoes and nothing more.


The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift

Drift, the next generation.

To my knowledge, this film was the least succesfull. People panned it for being this film strictly for race lovers and fails to capture any other audience. I have to strongly disagree. This film captures an emotional level which was left out of the previous two. It brings more then just cool cars and hot women.

The story follows young american Sean Boswell(Lucas Black) whos a talented auto mechanist. He gets into trouble after racing with a rich jocky kid who drives a viper. After destroying a neighbourhood, his mother forces him to move to Tokyo and to stay with his father. He enrolls in a local school only to find out that they rig drift races at night. Upon his curiousity, he enters the racing world once agian but this time...danger becomes his greatest match.

The film features the star of Friday Night Lights Lucas Black and hip hop artist Lil Bow Wow. Most of the cast mostly consist of amatuers and the only lone star is Sung Kang who plays Han. The small time hero who helps Sean to become a star. Clearly the acting can be a little off-key in which I can happily admit. But somehow other elements can easily substitute the films weakness.

The story is really about a guy who wants to belong. Simply to seek adventure in these beautiful machines that can go 200 miles per hour. So dont believe that the plot is incoherent. Its really simple and brings a whole new feel to the racing world. The first one was about trust. The second one was about friendship. This one was about inner recognition. The sentimental story was something I found intriguing and heartwarming.

This is more then just a racing movie. It has a second tone to it. I really enjoyed how Justin lin approached the film. He made it a compelling story and not just your everyday japanese Nascar. The cultural indifferences can in fact become cheap humour and there is plenty of great looking cars and hot women to clarify this as a good movie.

Tokyo Drift becomes a epic tale which suprisingly involves cars.


Surf's Up
Surf's Up(2007)

Surfs up people.

I checked out this mockumentary film about surfing penguins because of Happy Feet. Besides, whats cooler then penguins surfing on a island. Nothing, thats what I thought.

The film follows Cody Maverick(Shia Lebeouf) who dreams of being the best surfer there is. So he joins a contest in memory of Big Z who happens to be his child icon. Once accepted, his goal becomes his destiny as well his biggest conflict.

This is Shia's first appearance in a animated film and I find him to be just as good as his live action films. Its a humerous and charming film that tells us a wonderfull story that shows the countless possibilities given to us, if we really chase our dream. It doesnt get away from itself and stays in character. Its cute and the jokes can force a laugh or two out of us.

I enjoyed the surfing penguins and its farce approach. It stuffs material after material to become more then just a kids movie. In the end, you get a heartwarming story about a young penguin who can do it all. Even better then the one he idolized.

A film that captures our interests and makes us believe that nothing is impossible.


Southland Tales

Dimensions of a simple mind.

This movie has got to be one of the most confusing movies I have ever seen. Seriously, why is there even a story? Nothing but a pure star engined movie that fails to keep up with the audience. It failed to keep me as I kept low expectations for the film. Sad but true.

The film follows Boxer Santaros(Dawyne The Rock Johnson) who is found on the outskirts of Vegas. With no memory, his former family does what they can to get him back. In the meantime, twin brothers have thier lives intertwined, porn star wants a t.v show, and a group of radicals want justice. To be honest, I could care less.

These characters have no real affection and thier personalities are all sumed by one wierd dream to another. Honestly I was so confused, I really couldnt tell what was happening. I just went with it. In the end you wonder, what the hell did I just watch. Thats how I felt. Why not a lower score, well Sarah Michelle Gellar and her porno commercials kept me happy.

Film contains wonderfull actors but doesnt bother to make them likeable.


Hostel Part II

Be carefull, Europe is dangerous.

Saw has become tiresome for me as well as Hostel. People make torture movies and it makes money. I really need to start questioning peoples judgment. It astounds me that people dig this movie. I liked the first film but even I thought it was a little to much. Its nice to see that Hollywood has some balls but this has gone to far.

The film follows three art students Beth(Lauren German), Whitney(Bijou Philips), and Lorna(Heather Matarazzo). They are convinced by a girl named Axelle(Vera Jordanova) to join her for a spa vacation. From there they check in a hostel which causes terrible events to unfold. As the girls are killed off one by one. Its up to Beth to find out whats wrong but most importantly, to survive.

All of these actresses know how to do one thing and one thing only. And that is to scream with blood all over thier faces. I have grown tired of this trash. I liked the first film and I praise Eli Roth for making such a original horror movie based on human trafficking. But has this film lost its human touch? Has it become nothing but a documentary on torture or how to torture? It seems so. This one is by far the most bloodiest and graphic movie I have ever seen since Evil Dead. But Evil Dead is a good horror classic. This is not even horror. Its torture porn. Being tied up to a chair with an old man groping your legs is scary enough, only if you were the boy. But as the audience, thats just gross. Not in a million years have I saw a movie so dedicated on being the grossest thing you have ever set your eyes on. Well Eli Roth, you did it.

I dont like any of the characters exept the bubble gum gang. This film is just plain stupid. It has no real plot and the intention is really trying to persaude young american girls from taking summer trips to Europe. No wonder its been banned in so many countries all over a great continent. Its giving them a bad name. I liked Eli Roth as a film maker but wow, this has got to be it for him. The content is always in question and the real answer is, this is just to disgusting or flat out wrong.

If you enjoy this movie by any chance, then your morals are almost in question. I questioned my own morals for enjoying the first Hostel. Sometimes filmmakers want to make the sequel bigger and better. In this case, more gorey and crude then ever. Its time we should take a rain check when watching movies like this. Lets hope Hostel 3 doesnt come out, even in D2DVD.

Its fear factor meats girls gone wild.



This is a film regarded by many as unnecessary. To me, it was unnecessary. But in the end, it still succeeds in becoming the least entertaining and bloody like the original. This is a definant remake of the 1978 version which many considered to be a cult classic.

The film follows a young Michael(Daeg Faerch) getting picked on in school by a couple of bullies. He then turns crazy and kills one of them. Later on you see the mother(Sheri Zombie), young sister Laurie Strode and his older sister(Hannah R Hall). After being scooted away by his sister for halloween and being verbally abused by his mothers boyfriend, he goes on a crazy killing spree. He is then charged with first degree murder and put in a mental hospitol. After no success of bringing him back to stability, his mother commits suicide and the young baby is being fostered child. Years later with a now grown Laurie(Scout Taylor Compton), Michael is back to reunify.

The original Laurie Strode was played by Jamie Lee Curtis. A memorable character but Scout who plays the new Strode, can become a bookmark in the Halloween series. She has a genuine touch to her as Rob Zombie quoted to himself and I agree. She stole the screen and I feel that she can revolutionize the character even more.

So the movie plays out like the original. It is a remake and not a spin off sequel. Does it succeed? No. But it does maintain that small window of gore and story that made the original a classic. The fact of the matter is, there is really no intention to do a remake. But Rob Zombie whos the director, felt like it should be revisited into a much modern look instead of that grainy picture we saw back then. In that case, it was needed. Since remastering a film doesnt really change the look.

The possible main purpose? Rob Zombie is known for making these type of movies. Such as The Devils Reject and House of 1000 corpses. So doing a remake is only natural as his movies are interestingly graphic. He is also a fan. I do believe that slasher fans of all kinds would find this film decent. Forget the fact that a original even existed and look at this as it is. A huge guy with a mask who kills people with kitchen utensils.

A decent film that mimics other slashers but still offers enough violence and blood for slasher lovers to enjoy. I did.


Mortal Kombat

A not so clever film about a fighting tournament. But charismatic characters and special effects makes this more then passable. Paul W.S Anderson is known for his action flicks. Most notable, Resident Evil. But like many of his other films, they lack a strong plot in which is supplemented by strong action sequences.

The film follows a number of characters but most notable Liu Kang(Robin Shou). The film features a tournament called Mortal Kombat. In which two worlds participate in this tournament for world domination. The two worlds are known as the outworld and the earthrealm. If outworld can beat the earthrealm in ten consecutive tournaments, they then have the right to try and take over the earth realm. Now its up to Liu Kang, Johney Cage(Linden Ashby), Sonya Blade(Bridget Wilson), Raiden(Christopher Lambert), and Princess Kitana(Talisa Soto) to save the world as expected.

The story is rather simple and has begun a epidemic of hollywood films based on the very idea. Saving the world from bad guys. The cast was rather so so but Robin Shou to my belief made this his american mark in hollywood. It was the first movie I have ever seen him in. And to my politeness, he was good in his debut. To me, Mortal Kombat serves no purpose but to shut fans up about a film adaption to the famous video game back in the early 90's. As a fan, I was okay with it. There are numerous problems to this movie. Most notably, the character development. The plot itself is not a problem because there wasnt much in the first place. It is a video game by the way.

As I mentioned above, a lot of the characters just so happens to " show up ". With no intentions but to start a slow motion-techno crazed fight. Such as the scorpion and sub-zero. Whom are my favorite mortal kombat characters. The video game actually does give a reason why everyone was involved, sad to say that the film barley showed any. But I forgive them. The action was great and the effects were amazing. Note that this film was made in 1995.

Everyone remembers the Mortal Kombat theme which I absolutely loved. It is techo craze in which I'm not a fan. But hey, its catchy as hell. Another reason to forgive them. The film was mainly shot with shaky camera work and slow motion scenes captioned by annoying music. Why do I enjoy such a film? Simple, its fun and its a action crazy. Which in some cases, I give it a pass. Its not a great film but as mentioned before, a passable one.

If your not a fan from the video game then you would find this movie somewhat annoying and you will get lost by midway. If you are a fan, you would see this film at the least entertaining and get to see your favorite characters battle one another. Its not a must see film nor a watch it agian film. But its decent and deserves a rental notice. A cheesy but memorable film for the most part. I mean, who could resist....MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!



I have to admit, this stop motion animation film really got in to me. I felt refreshed after watching this film. Looking at this reminded me of The Corpses Bride and The Night Before Christmas. But I felt this movie had its own aura. The characters were charming and the story was heart warming.

The film follows young Coraline(Dakota Fanning) who moves into this home. Some people mistaken her name as Caroline. Her life is boring as her parents Mel(Teri Hatcher) and Charlie(John Hodgman) focus more on thier writing than they do to thier daughter. Bored out of her mind she walks out to look for a well. There she meets the ever awkward Wyborne(Robert Baily Jr) and the suspicious cat(Kieth David). In one rainy afternoon, she snoops around the home finding a secret path that leads to the " other world ", meeting her "other parents ". As soon as the neverland seems better and better, it gets worse and worse. Finally getting trapped in it. Now she needs the help of the cat, the ghosts of the past, and the new puppet Wyborne to get out.

Dakota Fanning is a child star. Booming in films like War of the Worlds, Charlottes Web, and Hide and Seek. Now she voices the ever charming Coraline. She brings a sort of new life into Coraline. Feeding off this innocent and deprived personality. I applaude her for that. Its much better then her appearance in Push at least.

The film uses stop animation similar to The Night before Christmas which was a great film. Good thing was, the same guy who directed that was the same one who did this film. Hooray. Henrey Selick is a genuis and is starting to nudge into my best directors list. He creates a great animated world but can also be a great storyteller. Do remember that this film is based off from a book and its really not that different from it. Granted that Funnybone is a horrible movie but hey, every director has a slump somewhere.

The thing I loved most was the setting and the spooky atmosphere. It really becomes a film that can be enjoyed by all ages and not just a kid film like G-Force. It has a great story, it executes the material well, but ultimately it makes sense. The voice actors does a great job in creating this magic. Especially Teri Hatcher. Who was able to become the good mother for one scene and the evil witch the next. She is amazing in this film and deserves a pat on the back.

Coraline can much be one of the best films of 2009. Its already in my top ten list. Its funny, momentarily spooky, and suspensfull. Its a great adventure for all to enjoy and I cant help the fact that this film could be competition to Pixars Up. Now I'm not drawing conclusions or anything but I'm just saying. A one of a kind film that delivers its best to be an entertaining film for everyone.


I Am Legend
I Am Legend(2007)

When I think about the end of the world, it usually involves aliens or god. But a biohazard? Hmmm cool. We know Francis Lawrence for his work in Constatine. Which was a good film but I feel this is his best film yet. Its well crafted and the visual of New York are amazing.

The film follows Robert Neville(Will Smith) who is the last surviving human being in New York and possibly the world. Flashbacks occur where a virus went airborne and killed five billion people. In the daylight, all seems like a ghosttown. No noises and no humans. Until at night in which strange creatures dwell in the city of New York looking for flesh. Zombies who are heavily mutated is what it looks like. Along the way, he picks up two survivors. Anna(Alice Braga) and Ethan(Charlie Tahan). Knowing that there are survivors other then himself, he must create a vaccine in which can preserve the human race.

Will Smith gives a great performance in this end of the world action flick. When was the last time anything similiar to his happened? Oh yeah, INDEPENDENCE DAY. It always bothers me though, that nearly every Will Smith flick, he always cries. I guess its how he created his fame. Will Smith is rather the most bankable actor in hollywood. His films average a little over 100 million. Thats hard work. And his work picks from where its left off. His charm and stone hearted personality really won me over in this film.

The film was based on a best seller of the same title by Richard Matheson. It was then scripted by Mark Protosevich. I never read the actual book but I didnt need to as I am Legend is already a winner. Theres a reason why it made over 500 million. Its visually stunning, it has Will Smith, and its thrilling from beginning to end. It was shot well. From the bridge scene to the overlook of the empty New York City. It was simply amazing. Kudos to the filmmakers responsible for the shots.

In no doubt were the special effects amazing. They were, although the zombies/creatures look a to much of CGI. The thing I loved about this movie was how they handled it. Some people would make Will Smith look unstoppable and replace most of its story into senseless action scenes. But Lawrence made him who he really is and stucked with the story. A normal human trying to survive, its as simple as that. You can feel the emotions of Wills character simply by looking at his body language. Talk about oscars.

There are its cons however. I felt the ending could've been better and little is known about the survivors. The big con was the virus. It never really explained why it was made. All it really told you was that it turned you into a " dark seeker ". Apparently they cant stand the light so they hide in buildings. I honestly wanted to know more, kind of like science class. You learn about a interesting topic and then you become obsessed with it. That was almost me.

In the end you get a pretty interesting film. With great action, dark visuals, and a interesting plot to deal with. Its not Will Smiths best film but its one of his better films to date. I Am Legend is a great story that can be told to millions and become a folklore like Beowulf. Its intriguing and has enough background and depth to lure you into its phenomenon.


I Love You Beth Cooper

My small review:

I have walked out of this teen orientated piece of junk called I Love you Beth Cooper. It was horrible on so many levels that I couldnt believe they chose a grown man to play a high school graduate. I hated this film. I despise it. I havnt seen such a moronic movie since Uwe Boll's Alone In the Dark. The funny part was, I watched only 20 minutes of it. First time I ever walked out of a film. EVER. I hate Beth Cooper, Hayden can kill herself, and whoever wrote this piece of dog shit can blow his or her uterus. I have seen many bad teen ROMCOMS, for example---The Girl Next Door. But I have never saw such a borrowed, most cliched, and crappy movie in my life.

King Kong
King Kong(2005)

I want him as my bodygaurd.

This is the third america remake of the famous King Kong. Peter Jackson, known for Lord of the Rings is back. In top form for that matter. King Kong is something but not as interesting as I wanted it to be.

The film follows an american film crew who travels to some island. They get stuck and Ann(Naomi Watts) gets kidnapped by King Kong.

The chemistry between kong and Ann was amazing. Yes, I'm comparing a towering ape and a tiny human. The scenery is beautiful and the effects are amazing. What else? I found this to long to enjoy. Yet it still remains a decent flick in part due to Naomi Watts in shorts and Peter Jacksons directing.

King Kong is big but not big enough.


The Unborn
The Unborn(2009)

One Sentence Review

I think Satan wants to be born now, so he can unborn the Unborn.

There's Something About Mary

One Sentence Review

Ben Stiller in braces(or is it ugly teeth) and Cameron using semen as hair gel, passable.

Van Helsing
Van Helsing(2004)

One Sentence Review

A action packed vampire flick but plot holes and weak script ripped Helsins legend.

Bruce Almighty

One Sentence Review

At least its funny enough for you to ignore Jennifer Aniston.

The Comebacks

One Sentence Review

Although the intentions are nice, its unfunny and corny.

The Condemned

One Sentence Review

Although not an ethical film, its raw violence is good enough to become entertaining.

The Brothers Solomon

One Sentence Review

If I had a choice between this or a Uwe Boll Film, I'd choose Uwe Boll.


One Sentence Review

Although its based on a novel, it still maintains its style of being a visually stunning action flick.

Bee Movie
Bee Movie(2007)

One Sentence Review

Good enough to watch but not enough win.

Death Proof
Death Proof(2007)

One Sentence Review

Crazy Chicks in classic cars, priceless.

Night at the Museum

One Sentence Review

A museum that comes to life, how cool is that.

The Last Samurai

One Sentence Review

A thrilling true story but dramatized for american appetite.

My Bloody Valentine 3-D

One Sentence Review

Its a less intimidating Jason in a mining suit.

AVP - Alien Vs. Predator

One Setence Review

It has value, you get to see monsters chopping up humans.

Army of Darkness

One Sentence Review

Tries to hard to be funny and it isnt even comparable to the other evil dead films.


One Sentence Review

Visually stunning but lacks any real plot and corny characters.

The Spirit
The Spirit(2008)

One Sentence Review

I can hear the fat lady sing, loud enough to capture my attention rather then this Sin City ripoff.

Sin City
Sin City(2005)

One sentence review

A stunning looking film that fills itself with unearthly violence that can capture your eyes from begining to end.

House of Wax
House of Wax(2005)

One Setence Review

I want to wax myself now, after I see Paris Hilton die. MUAHAHHAHAH

Freddy vs. Jason

One Sentence Review

Same old Same old, whats new? Well Freddy and Jason are going on a date together, thats whats new.

Spider-Man 2
Spider-Man 2(2004)

One Sentence Review

A prominent web slinging sequel that provokes other superhero movies to do better.


One Sentence Review

A great piece of work that can tingle your spider senses.

Minority Report

One Sentence Review

A dazzling film with a heartfelt story, definantly Toms best film.

The Lion King

One Sentence Review

A true masterpiece. Nuff Said.

The Dukes of Hazzard

One Setence Review

If it werent for Jessica Simpsons legs, it would be one of the most unwatchable trash I have ever seen.

Joe Dirt
Joe Dirt(2001)

One setence review

Can be anyones guilty pleasure for being a silly and idiotic excuse of a comedy wearing a mullet.


One Setence Review

Long and boring of a film with no other interest exept to watch people drown in the artic sea or w/e sea they were in.

Kung Fu Panda

One Setence Review

A fun filled ride mixed with martial arts to please the family.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

One Setence Review

More or less of the same with a older Harrison Ford and eye candy special effects.

Shaun of the Dead

One Setence Review

A hilarious zombie satire with a bloody mess of, well blood.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

One Setence Review

A eye candy experience with nothing else to be proud of.

P.S---Jar Jar Brinks was annoying.


Read Review in Blog

Confessions of a Shopaholic

One Setence Review

This is the type of film you would watch before commiting suicide.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Read Review in Blog. Im starting to change my ways of writing as Im practicing for the future. Similiar to Reservoir Dogs style and its how Im going to write from now on.

Balls of Fury

Furious in the trailer but overused jokes and uninteresting storyline makes this a forgettable experience.

Dan Fogler plays as Randy Daytona who was once a ping pong phenom is now working in a casino. He lost his chance to Disney World and lost his father and it haunts him for the rest of his childhood. Agent Rodriguez(George Lopez) wants him to enter a ping pong tournament to take down Feng. He must win other championships to get known first. After he joins the tournament, he must win to take down Feng an posssibly his fathers killer.

The movie is about Ping Pong so the expectations should be out the door. Its not meant to be a A class comedy but a attempt to make a few bucks. Its silly and flimsy in such a way that it becomes mindless entertainment. The nun jokes and fat jokes are all assests to the mindless crap.

The characters are just ping pong ball players who have personality problems. Maggie Q is cute and sexy. Christopher Walken gives a few laughs but its still a rather stupud comedy.

Not saying much to this film. Its a classless, cliched, and cheap comedy that was meant to be a rental.

P.S. I Love You

P.S I hate you, the new trend to show off how some actors can ruin thier credibility.

Hilary Swank plays as Holly Kennedy whos married to Gerry Kennedy(Gerard Butler). Gerry dies from a brain tumor but before his death pulls off a mail frenzy game that leads Holly to a better life.

The two main actor/actress are well recieved by the world. Hilary( Million Dollar Baby ) and Garard ( 300 ) are people I highly respect but after this, my affection for them has lost a few steps. Wasted talent on cliched romantic comedy that should die out as each year goes by. Because romantic comedies are what some people say " So Last year ". Although they can make thier characters look charming, it wasnt enough to cover up the horrible love story.

The flaws would be the ficticous world of a man who would design such a game for the sole purpose of simply " moving on ". Its never going to happen. The title is wierd and parts of the movie just really didnt make sense and serves no purpose to the conflict.

Its rehashed romantic driven direction results into a clumsy film about an overgrown women trying to be young agian. Extremely depressing. This is a chick flick at its best and really has no significance for its male viewers.

Its a cliched, slow, and unfunny film that has no words of praise from me.


A visually captivating film but its deeply holed plot makes this unbearable.

Karl urban plays as Ghost. A viking who abandoned his kind due to his fathers actions. He becomes near traumatized for that reason. He is picked up by local tribe women who takes him as her own son. Once the vikings land again and plan to take the natives land as thier own, he must flea with his tribe or possibly fight back.

Ok so the plot is about a boy who ran away from his daddy because he got to angry? Now Daddy is back and pissed off and his ice fishing buddies in fur coats and thick underwear are now back to hunt down our little buddy. How nice of them. Not much is on the boy exept he's a kid with sleeping problems. Give him an advil why dont you. You dont feel for him becuase there was nothing to build it from. The rest of the cast is laughable and the vikings are hilarious to look at.

I do enjoy its dark world and very blue camera lense. It made everything cool and breezy. The action scenes were mediocre at best with a few sword fights but not enough to suffice its horrible direction. Karl Urban reminds me of Keannu Reeves, the man with many faces of two. His emotional scenes shows barley nothing and you start to wonder why he was an actor in the first place.

Its horribly written and its device of violence and treachery makes this an unforgettable experience. Lacks any strong human touch and relies on women who wears animal skin and big apes in iron clothing to become entertaining. Its a disgusting film in which it should be renamed as " The housekeeper " so it can clean itself from every ten minutes of violence.

An unforgiving film that lacks any real plot, weak characters, and a predictable ending. If anything its trash from the 16th century.

Lust, Caution

A truly artistic film about a women who must do anything to save her people.

Tang Wei plays as Wong Chia Chi, college student who along with her friends plan to assasin a high ranking special agent(Tony Lueng) using her as a trap. Based on " true " events, this film talks about how a women seducted her way into China's poltical darkness.

The cast was impressive escpecially Tony Lueng. He and Tang had such chemistry that I havnt seen in chinese films in a long time. The thing I liked about Tony's character was that he was a dark and sinister man, but with an emotional flaw. As you will see deeper and deeper into the movie that inside he can become quite fragile. Tang becomes so seductive that I hope no one pulls a trick like that on me. You wouldnt believe how good a women can get.

The story is rather very sensual and intense. The dates and the on screen moments the couple share together brings in its own feeling. Making it natural and new. The struggling atmosphere didnt make this film all that pleasent either. Its this type of movie that makes us want to watch erotic thrillers and not just for sex scenes. Its captivating and romantic in its own kinky way.

This is certianly not a film for everyone. But for hardcore thriller fans who wouldnt mind a few " roughhousing " would definantly enjoy this motion picture. Its tantalizing in everything it wants to be. The Lust brings it together and the Caution is what breaks it. Its one of the best foriegn films I have seen in a long time.

Lust & Caution is a gloomy intense film about love, danger, and batrayal.

Good Luck Chuck

Unrated comedy that looks like Dane Cook in Porn, priceless.

Dane cook plays as Chuck, a dentist who when he was eight was stuck in a closet with a goth chick called Anisha. Whom wanted to kiss him but was denied. She gets mad so she puts a " curse " on him, years later he finds that a relationship is hard to come by. And every girl he dumps finds the love of thier life. So what can he do to find his own? Can Cam Wexler(Jessica Alba) be the answer? Find out by watching the movie. Although you would find it to be very predictable.

So the characters are built on a comedian and a hot actress who cant do her job. Its shocking how a stand up guy can be funny in his 30 minute gibber jabber(or tries to be) but becomes not so funny in a feature film. Its easy. The audience is trying to watch a movie not a monologue. Jessica Alba is the type of actress that are there for her looks. If you seen her movies like " The Eye " or " Fantastic 4 ", you would know what I'm talking about. The characters are created to become stereotypes and objects that we can use to define our new generation.

The comedy mostly comes from crude sexual humour. Which is unusual for Jessica Alba as she to me was never that kind of girl. I guess she became naughty. It was expected from Dane Cook as I never really expect much from him. I do say this that the countless sex jokes and sex scenes becomes the high road for the film. Eventually it leads to a dead end which is a reference to the rest of the film after the sex scenes.

Whats thier to love in this film exept for the countless nudity and objectifying Alba. Possibly the humour set up by Dan Fogler who plays Stuart(Chucks best friend). The ending as well tries to be redeeming as Chuck persaudes the goth chick(Anisha) played by Michelle Harrison to lift the curse so that he can have a normal life. The whole idea of it is stupid and no reason to have a voodoo doll in which was the reason he couldnt get " Lucky ".

This is a unclever film that uses cheap on liners and sexual innuendos to become successfull. So when that fails, what do you get? Dane Cook in a porno flick. What keeps me from a complete rotten score was that very idea. A rental? Sure if you were in the mood. Its not even so bad its good. Its so bad it becomes cable networks new toy. A trashy film about sex and feelings that we just dont really admire.


Visually stunning and a cinematic explosion waiting for an audience.

Geral Butler plays as King Leonidas. A persian messenger wants him to step down to Xerxes, after killing the messenger, it was certian that Persia will attack. Trying to fight back he leads 300 men into battle against the vastly outnumbering persian army. In which honor and endurance is tested on the field. At the end of the day it is considered one of the best moments in history.

Gerald Butler does a convincing job potraying King Leonidas. He was built, enduring, and honarable. The last moments of Leonidas was touching in every way possible. Lena Headey plays as Queen Gorgo and Leonidas personal interest as well as hope. The characters were all touching exept for Xerxes of course who is potrayed by Rodrigo Santoro. The performances were great and memorable.

The violence in the film derives from Sparta action. Thier formations and long spears were the core of the violence. With many persian deaths coming from that alone. Its presence is very dark that comes with very bloody scenes.

The film tries to mimic actual history. The even really did happen and was the begining of the Persian downfall. There were probably all sorts of inaccuracies but not enough to notice much and not enough to matter.

Its a stunning film with great action sequences that tells a legendary story. The poster itself is intriguing and so is the film. It will grab you by the neck and twist it until you are dry out of blood. A visually exhilirating film that justifies honor and love, but most importantly freedom.

DOA: Dead or Alive

Action driven film with nothing to love but girls in short shorts.

Devon Aoki plays as Princess Kasumi. She joins a tournament in hopes of seeing her brother one more time. Other Characters wiegh in thier own stories. Christina Allen(Holly Valance) plans to enter the tournament and win the cash. While Tina Armstrong(Jaime presley) joins for the reason to prove her critics that she is not a fake. The story circles in all of them as they fight for thier life on a island.

Knowing that Devon cannot act in the slightest way proves this film to be more horrible then it already is. Her facial expressions are not even realistic to the situation. Everyone else are really not actors but singers and models who believe they can act. Holly Valance? I mean come on.

The sex appeal in this movie seems to help the situation. Make the women wear nothing but pure swimsuits and see throughs. Interesting for the males but I bet the women resent it. The short shorts and numerous out of the water shaking women booty makes it impossible to not stare. The strength is not the most ethical but certianly eye candy.

The action in the film are well choreographed and well set but is this just another of those films filled with great action but with an incoherent plot. Possibly so and thats why it fails on so many levels.

The movie is based on the famous Dead Or Alive video game. But like other video game adaptions, fail miserably. Although i do applaude it for sticking to the story unlike other adaptions that change the plot in such a manner where it confuses the fans. But the lack of the male actors in the film and plot holes ruin this film. Not to be sexist or anything but the females in the game doesnt have such a story so related to the original xbox game. The game centerfolds mostly around the ninja Ryu. Little was known about him and was a figure in part to the story then to be the guy himself.

Adaptions like this continue to give game adaptions a bad name as if Uwe Boll was not enough. People like Corey Yuen and Andrzej Bartkowiak lay down the standards for bad game adapted films. Horribly written to become nothing but chickfests and thier undergarments.

This is the type of film that delivers great action sequences but not much of anything else. Its style was pressured to be action frenzy and not a film in which people can enjoy it without being fans of the video game. But I guess you had to be a fan to enjoy this as others would call this degrading and worthless. As a fan I still find it degrading and worthless.

A trashy martial arts film that although stylish is inept in everything it does. A rental at best and another way for men to enjoy action packed women.

The Da Vinci Code

Most controversial film since Passion Of The Christ but at least its biased direction can make this film interesting.

Tom Hanks plays as Robert Langdon whos a symbologist. He is summoned by the french olice to investigate the death of Jacques Sauniere(Jean-Pierre Marrielle). On the scene he meets Sophie Nevue(Audrey Tautou) who is the grandaughter of Sauniere. She tells him the police are after him. After they break they find secrets that never thought would exist. One that resides in Audrey herself.

The one character I loved for the most part is Sir Liegh teabing(Ian Mckellen). Ian is amazing in every of his performances that I absolutley loved his character. He is the main villian and the problem solver for the film. Along with Tom Hanks, the both square off on history lessons which can make the film funny.

The idea of being anti christ or anti semmi or whatever reason its supposed to be hurts the film but we should look at it differently. Look at it as a interesting way to put religion and stereotypes in the same category. Fiction or fact, its still a superstition in which is up to you to determine its existence. Despite its controversy its still a jolly fun film that you can take into perspective.

Its a religous driven film that can be entertaining for all of us unless your to right winged. Its sentimental touch in the movie and a mysterious concept makes it rather enjoyable. Not a factual film but a rather nice one.

Ron Howard is a artistic director in which he turned this controversial material into a cultural piece of moving pictures. The cast is great and the adventure is something to look for. So enjoy this piece unless your to driven by religion and get offended by every small detail against your religion, then skip it and watch Evan Almighty.

Its smart, fresh, and a fun filled adventerous ride.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li



The Game Plan

A disney pop fueled comedy with a star wrestler.

Dwayne The Rock Johnson plays as Joseph Kingman whos a football star for the boston rebels. He soon finds out he has a daughter named Peyton Kelly(Madison Pettis). But once his job becomes more then he can carry and a media frenzied life and a heated arguement leaves the two apart. Joseph must now find a way to get his daughter back.

Dwayne is charming in the film and Madison is cute. But not enough to become the entertaining comedy that we hoped it to be. Its barley passable unless your already a disney lover and plan to watch more disney. The comedy is more appealing to families then self indulgence. In my perspective, rude comedy. Its still funny within its rating and atmosphere. You wouldnt cuss in a disney family movie will you?

This is just another family film with a huge star in hopes of becoming a success. In which it did, most of us hated it. But I guess the kids and mid-aged parents enjoyed it and saw it as harmless comedy. Its a disney flick so your expectations can be to out of stretch.

Its family fun filled comedy that pleases a certian crowd and banishes others. You either love this movie or hate it. To me it was decent enough to spend my eight dollars.

The Brave One

A movie about revenge is always interesting as is The Brave One.

Jodie Foster plays as radio show host Erica Bain. She and her fiance David(Naveen Andrews) walk through the park and into a tunnel in which they bumped into three violent criminals. The gangs rob and beat them to death. David dies from his wounds and Erica is traumatized for the rest of her life in which she describes the street as unsafe. Now she's back for revenge against the three criminals that wronged her. But not without the help of Detective Mercer(Terrence Howard).

Besides Terrence and Jodie, theres no packed baggage in this one. The two performances cant seem to overshadow the films flimsy direction. Jodie is terrefic in becoming this innocent turned violent character in which you would applaude in the end. Terrence will always be Terrence but he is enough to spark some excitment in this film.

Another flick on revenge and heavy morals. Its not new and can bore us from time to time. But the performances of the two actors and I guess a strong ending made this more than passable. Its a violent film about how a women was able to get through a tragedy with the substitute of vengence.

Its raunchy entertainment with strong emotional ties that is loved only if you knew what Jodie went through.

August Rush
August Rush(2007)

A decorative film about how music connects people but nothing more.

The story talks about a young boy named Evan Taylor(Freddie Highmore) whos an orphan who believes he can hear music from his parents and believe they are alive. His parent lyla Novacek(Keri Russel) and Louis Connelly(Johnaten Rhys Myer) are musicians. They spend a romantic night together but Lyla's father demanded the relation to be stopped. She became pregnant only to her fathers demise. She was involved in an accident in which she believed to have lost her son. Years later the three meet agian that is bound by music.

The characters are driven by music which you can identify for yourself. Thier are no real conflicts with the characters exept for Robin Williams who plays Maxwell Wallace, a guy who takes in Evan in the begining. I love Freddie Highmore in this film. He always brings the best in him and I can see him being a oscar winner in the near future. He is charming and has that face where parents cannot deny him.

So the film is about music and how it connects people. Great, we've seen so many of them. How does this one work then? Well with Highmore's performance, Robin's attitude, and mark Mancina's music, anything can work. Its still just a movie about music. But it has that small amazing touch they makes us smile while watching this film. Maybe its the title? Maybe, its the story itself.

Critics have called it flimsy and schmaltzy. However what they dont know is that its supposed to be what it is. A film powered by music and never really anything else. Does the title nor the countless musical references give the critics a school of thought? Possibly no. This is not a film for everyone, that can be acceptable. But for music lovers, this movie is a easy pleaser. I enjoyed it from begining to end. Not the best, but certianly decent.

August Rush is the type of film you would enjoy if your into music. It does give some emotional drawback in which they demand you to sympathize. But I guess it can grab you into its musical drama like it did to me. A enjoyable film that gives enough to become a touching picture about music and for the last time, how it connects people.

Friday the 13th

The negativety comes from the sickness of rehashed sequels but this one is particualry entertaining.

The story is about a group of friends who go out to a summer cabin that resides in crystal lake. Little do they know that a man with a big machete lives there and has killed dozens of horny and stupid coeds.

The characters are always going to be the same no matter what. The screaming girl, horny couple, and dumb minority guy who walks of on his own and then gets slaughtered. The story circles around three particular characters. Clay(Jared Padalecki), Whitney(Amanda Righetti), and Bree(Danielle panabaker). Clay and Whitney are brother and sister and Bree is the girlfriend of jock buddy Trent(Travis Van Winkle).

So Trent is this stubborn white guy who alway seems to worry so much about his cabin then everything else. Bree is the girl who knows everything and always seem to be the smartest. Overused junk in every slasher flick known to man. The one interesting character is Clay. His determination and charm is what sets him apart from other characters. I enjoyed watching Jared as he was something that was missing in the last few Jason flicks. The one person who I've enjoyed the most was Aaron yoo. The asian stoner and beer drinker was a laugh for me and his presence definently helped the film.

The countless flaws would come from the cliches set in this film. As if we were watching the same Jason movie all the time. The scares are are merely jump scares that has becoming very tiresome. Its predictable for the most part. And why are kids so eager to die? Its like every college kid is to stupid to recognize danger. And they always seem to be sexually impossible to handle. Have to do it on the spot. They're so easy to die that 4 of them got Jason handled in near minutes of the film.

The bright spot of the film is that Jason has a new look and his emotional flaws appear in this movie. Most Jason flicks forget about his human touch and use him as a killing machine more then anything else. I liked how Marcus Nispel, Damien Shannon, and Mark Swift handled the idea. It was fresh in my opinion.

This is just another slasher film with no new material. However it is entertaining within its own means. It gives slasher fans what they want and that is Jason being not just a crazy killer but a cerebral hunter. Its one of the better slasher films up to date since The Strangers. Its bloody, dirty, and Jason Frenzy. If you like Jason Vorhees, you would like this new installment.

30 Days of Night

Ok so not the best vampire movie but extremely grotesque and somewhat thrilling.

The story is set in Barrow, Alaska in which the town sheriff Eben Olsen(Josh Hartnett) investigates mysterious deaths only to know his wife Stella Olseon(Melissa George) missed the last plane out. Although they are enstranged and distant they keep up with one another in this film. They meet this stranger(Ben Foster) that is the one responsible for the thefts and deaths of the sled dogs. they then subdue him into the local jail and to wait out the 30 days of night. Only then a pack of vampires led by Marlowe(Danny Huston) goes on to take down the telecoms and unleash terror on the alaskin town.

The characters are well written to become loveable and to be accounted for. Hartnett and George does a wonderfull job becoming this enstranged couple yet having similiar feelings torwards eachother. Its actually a charm to see the two on screen. Some of them you hate and some you care for so much you wouldnt want them to die. That ladies and gentleman is what real acting gives you. Emotions torwards characters on screen.

The vampires in this film is not your average vampire. Its not pretty or trying to become romantic. Its dark, relentlous, and has no time for bargaining. Not to mention full of blood and disgusting. Now these are the type of vampires I like to watch. Not your Robert Pattinson pale faced freak. They are dangerous and lacks any human touch to be reasoned with. All they want is to eat you up.

The action in this film is rather gory as it should be. The part where a old man drives a backhoe and kills tons of vampires, now that was awesome. The action in the film relies heavily on superhuman type vampires that jumps and runs at the speed of light. It can be scary at points where you just didnt want to become any of the victims. The part where they use a girl to become bait, priceless.

The movie as a whole to me appeared as pure entertainment and not much of anything else. The thrills were more of jump thrills then anything else and most of the time your just waiting for another vampire to show up. The vampire extravanganza kind of repels the human touch that it needed.

Flaws of the movie would be the lack of human touch for the most part and offers cheap thrills to become any sense of being scary. Instead its a vampire action flick. People have critisized the ending but I for any matter enjoyed it. I thought it was the perfect way to end it. Kill the leader by becoming a vampire and then kill youself because you could no longer cope with the living. Unless you plan to eat them later on.

30 days of night is a type of guilty pleasure. A film for vampire lovers that were tired of seeing the same old attractive vampire love story. It has a much darker nature and sets the example for future vampire movies. Knowing that it was adapted by a graphic novel of the same name by Steve Niles. It must be violent right?

If your not into vampire violence and require a strong touch of romance, this is not the type of movie you would watch. Go watch Twilight instead, actually just imagine it because Twilight is horrible. This is a movie for someone who wants to see something new. Something no one has ever attempted. And thats making vampires the dirty and nasty creatures they are. Its a guilt driven vampire drama that puts you in the seat as you go through a ride of rough violence and tough love.


Not the best action flick in the world I might say.

The story starts with a man called Agent 47(Timothy Olyphant) who gets orders to hit on huge public figures and crime lords. He gets a order to assasinate the russian president(Ulrich thomsen). He completes it only to be notified that there was a witness who later is known to be Nika Boronia(Olga kurylenko). He soon finds out tha theres a second man involved and his own people want him dead. He now runs for his life trying to find answers.

The acting was horrendous and unnacceptable. Olyphant is actually a respectable guy until this. The only reason to look into these actors is Olga. Not because shes good at what shes doing but becuase shes smoking hot. These are the type of performances that kills films even if the film itself sucks. Forgettable yet tantalizing for its crappiness.

The action we might as well say mediocre. The best quality of this film is action and its not even that brilliant. Its these type of movies that kill hollywood yet it makes money because so many people are into action that it shadows everything else that makes a film great. Its a shame really and the swordfight, my goodness. The worst choreography I have seen since Jennifer Aniston tried to fight her sister in the t.v show Friends.

So the movie revolves around bald guys in guns. Great so we get cool gun fights and major explosions right? Wrong, its so weak in its form that I rather watch a 8 yr old kid pretending to be spiderman. The lack of any real action appals me becuase this was supposed to be it. To be a imitation of vin Diesels XxX but it fails on so many levels.

Whats the good parts of this movie from keeping me from a complete rotten score of zero? Well a Olga sex scene and the many scenes with Olga. Yep shes the light in the film and thats not a good thing. She doesnt really do anything exept hide behind Agent 47.

Hitman is the film that puts video game adaptions into a deeper hole as if it wasnt already deep. Uwe Boll is the centerpiece but he has to feel pretty good for himself after this film premiered. It probably promted him to do Dungeon Siege. Hitman is bad enough that this can possibly become a lesson plan for film school. Subject? When making a action movie, it should look nothing like this.

So what does the film teach you? That you dont hang around with bald dudes with tattoos framed behind thier necks. They might be killers. Oh yeah and that you apparently fall in love with a girl who you happen to protect from no one exept yourself and your own people. Coincidence becomes reality in which is scary yet futile in this movie.

The biggest issue with the film was the lack of story telling and incredibly weak script. So a guy gets doubled and now runs away for what? Too many people off from a assembly line? A russian president who orders a hit for himself? All stories that cant really explain this film. Its often confusing and has no real purpose serving the main protagonist.

Hitman is a film that is recycled by filmmakers through the course and labeled "never agian". Its something we would like it to become our guilty pleasure yet its so bad its impossible to be. Hitman has no real action, confusing plot, and horrible undefining characters that will plague this film to its grave. Watch other mindless action flicks like XxX instead.

The Exorcist
The Exorcist(1973)

A eerie horror film that can scare even the best horror phenoms.

The story talks about Regan(Linda Blair) who gets possesed by the devil Pazuzu. Her Mother Chris(Ellen Burstyn) soon finds her daughter to become extremely different with her paranormal experiences and personality changes. With no real answers from the doctors and failure of Ritalin, she turns to two priests to perform an exorcism.

Max Von Sydow and Jason Miller offer great performances as the two priests who apparently succeed in saving Regan from the devil. But only one deserves the medal and thats Linda Blair. Her performance as Regan is phenomenal in every way it can. I praise her as thats probably the one film in which she was terrefic.

The scares mostly come from Regan herself. The deformed spider walk and the head twisting makes it both freaky and unimaginable. In todays society it would be weak but back then, it was terrifying. When the devil completely takes over her body, a new atmosphere is created and turns scary into completely frightning. The voice and the numerous echos of the voice makes me want to shiver.

The film has its humour as well although they can be quite gross. I found myself laughing when ever she tells the mother, the doctors, and the priests to force themselves on to her. But nothing compared to stabbing herself and screaming Jesus to have intercourse with her. The demon makes the humour but most of them generate from sexual acts. It can be funny but to some people its just plain offensive. I guess when you live in todays world, anything about sex is funny.

Theres a reason why Entertainment Weekly called this the scariest film of all time. Its just is. The possesed girl and scary/cold atmosphere can never created to match what William Peter Blatty did. He mastered the script and helped turn this film to be scary enough that it would freak out todays world. It doesnt have your jump scares like most horror films do now a days, but has the element to scare you to death becuase it wasnt normal yet it can happen.

The Exorcist is a film for hardcore horror movie lovers. It will give you what you want and sometimes can be undigestible. It gives you the natural scare and attacks the one fear that we have always had and thats having a kid around your house that talks funny. Its a masterpiece, its a classic, and its the best horror movie ever made. I will never watch this agian in the dark.

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (Ice Age 3)

A mediocre family fun type animation that does enough to become a succesfull sequel.

The story surfaces around Sid voiced by John Leguizamo. He learns that his friend Manny voiced by Ray Romano is having a family and wants one for himself. So he walks around, tumbles into a ice cave and steals three dinosaur eggs. Only to get the mother enraged, he tries to hide but gets captured and carried to another world in which dinosaurs still exist. Time for his Manny and Diego voiced by Dennis Leary to save him along with two rodents, Ellie(Queen Latifah), and Buck(Simon pegg).

The characters are well written to be funny and a part of something big. Ray Romano is funny especially with the Sid jokes. All the animals have a notion to the main plot. Ellie is pregnant and Diego has speed/heart problems. They actually become cute and charming for the most part and I enjoyed watching them especially Buck.

For the most part this movie is not educational in any form what so ever. But its fun filled entertainment. We know Dinosaurs did not live during the Ice Age becuase they died years before that and I mean years. And theres so no such thing as a underworld that has living dinosuars.

The jokes are formatted to please the kids and adults as this is a childrens movie. So dont try to find it to be so appealing to you. Its not as good as UP but has enough gas to race past through Battle For Terra and Night At The Museum. Its a fun filled comedy for the family and family is the key word.

Ice Age: Dawn Of the Dinosaur is the type of film that becomes kid comedy more then anything else. The animation was great and had many "intense" scenes but all for the little ones. It has its laughs, has its moments, and has its fair share of action to become enjoyable. Nothing more should be accounted for when watching a 20th century Fox animation special.

If your ready to watch a family animation with nothing more to cheer for then go ahead and watch Ice Age. But if your a teenager that needs a rush, go watch Transformers instead.


Another floppy asian horror remake that makes me want to kill myself.

The story revolves around college student Mattie Weber played by Kristen Bell who finds out a virus in her boyfriend's computer is killing off everyone. She must use the virus that her boyfriend created to stop the techno massacre.

So the story is about technology killing people. Ok, its definently new but why? A organic computer killing machine using every single com-based technology to kill us. Although the idea sounds freaky, it actually ruined the film. Or is it the movie that made the idea horrible. I think it was the film. The asian version of Pulse which is called Kairo directed by Kiyoshi Kurosawa is acutally a hundred times better then this cursed adaption. Why cant american filmmakers learn thier failures.

Kristen Bell known for her petite looks actually does pretty decent. When watching this movie I found her screams to be good enough for horror movies. As do most women, so its not much of an compliment but still is. The rest of the cast are rather weak in thier performances exept Christina Milian. She did a great job especially her death scene. Very dark and at the same time threatning.

Ok, so the scares comes from these phantoms. Thier digital creatures that has the ability to suck the will to live out of you. Creepy or just wierd? It has a few creepy moments but not enough to be a crowd pleaser. The wierd part was the fact that red tape can deflect the phantoms which confused me on why and the film doesnt really explain it. Most of the deaths occur with the victim turned to ashes due to the dark "bruises" that cover half thier body.

This film is yet another failed attempt by american filmmakers to adapt from japanese horror. Grudge worked becuase a japanese director did the film. Why cant they do that? Instead they hire a commercial director, smart huh. Leaving me to question Paramount and Dimension. Its not scary, has no in depth story, and the kills are rather roadkill. This movie comes to show that nearly every horror movie since year 2000 is so cliched that your basically watching the same thing over and over againt exept with different titles and characters. When will the madness stop.

Watch the original and forget the adaption. Want to be scared of your computer? Allow yourself to be spammed to death, that should do the trick.

The Descent
The Descent(2006)

A film trying to be scary but finds moderate success.

The story revolves around 6 women who go on a caving trip. The main protaganist in this film is Sarah played by Shauna Mcdonald. She lost her husband and daughter is a crash early on. She is the focus point of the story along with her friend but distant Juno played by Natalie Mendoza. Juno leads them to a unknown cave which becomes a death trap. Admitting it was a way for her and Sarah to bond since the crash. As they continue to find a way out, they find out thier not alone as something evil lurks within the cave.

Ok so the horror comes from these creatures that supposedly eat raw flesh. The film calls them crawlers. To me they look like Gollum on steriods with anger issues. They cant see well since they live in a extremely dark cave but has a strong sense of hearing(duh due to the caves creating echos). Their sea like zombies that are fast and apparently wont cooperate. Little is known about them or why thier there.

The story behind Sarah and Juno are basically the main element to the movie. It creates a tense backgroung between the characters and make the story a little bit better. Both Mendoza and Mcdonald does a great job in creating that tension. Thus creating a second conflict, as if the flesh eating crawlers was not enough.

The one thing I did enjoy in this film was the mood and the claustrophobic atmosphere. It made everything rigged, tense, and apparently dirty. Niel Marshall did a great job in doing so. I can find him doing more spooky horror films.

The flaws of this movie would be the lack of explanation. You dont really know what the crawlers are and doesnt neccesarily explain why they live hundreds of feet below the ground. The ending was a blur to me. I guess I wanted the ending to a little bit happier. It so happens that she dreamed of getting out and is actually hallucinating about her daughter. I guess its ok because you have no idea where to go and you lost basically all your friends. However, the ending couldve done better.

The one thing I was annoyed with the most was the sudden turn of the girls. They seemed like scare hopeless girls and then suddenly Juno turns into Lucia Rijker. Sarah on the other hand was scared down to her pants by the crawlers, and then later on she becomes Lara Croft. Something I found unusual but I guess it wouldnt when your life is in danger. Might as well fight back then to run.

So the film becomes spooky overall, but not enough. To me its decent and I really didnt enjoy it as much. But I guess I'm not that scared of horror movies anymore. It still succeeds in freaking out girls and guys who have weak reflexes. The Descent however does have a great cast with a well written story and characters we can love and care about. The Descent is the type of film you would enjoy for the most part and then lash its ending. At least it was for me.

Its one of the better horror films that reserructs the genre and becomes one of Britians better films. Its nothing compared to 28 Days Later but its still a fun filled ride with scary moments and girls that can kick butt. Best horror movie of 2006 thats for sure.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Ok a film that has no or little story to feel for but enough of everything else to fill its void its holes.

Shia Labeof plays as Sam Witwicky whos becoming a college student. His girlfriend Mikaela played by Megan Fox cannot afford college and works with her dad in a repair shop. After discovering a small shard of the "All Spark" it reacts and does a all out download of Cybertronian symbols causing him to have mental outbreaks. Determined to find out whats wrong with him, he leaves college and looks for answers that leads him to Egypt and "The Fallen".

The films story is rather simple in its own terms. Although its execution is weak causing it to be the films biggest setback. The movie had many unnecessary scences mostly revolving around the college sequence but it was made for cheap humour which it succeeded. Also the use of " 21 guns " as a way to promote Green Day new album can become annoying but it was only for a set period of time so no whining there unless your completely sensitive.

The film does made up for the amount of action and special effects that dazzle the screen. The many robots introduced gave the film a little more depth. Although not much on them, it wasnt necessary. The film promotes heavily on explosions and robot smashing that at times you had to cover your ears. Michael Bay as people should know, supports and lives it, making him a near controversial director especially after "Pearl harbor".

The films humour was also in question. The use of the twins to act black(Ghetto) but look like monkeys. I think went a little to far. The use of numerous curse words probably pissed the parents off as they expect this film to appeal to kids. I guess not anymore. It was still pretty funny for the teenagers and the younger adults who dont have kids or should I say use protection. The crack jokes and the mom was hilarious no doubt. She took the show as the comic in the film.

The characters in the film represents the military and some average american family who stumpled upon alien robots. The robots themselves are characters with thier own personality and charisima, which people dont seem to understand. Optimus Prime steals the show in this one and Bumble Bee becomes a the underdog in this movie and has a few moments where we laugh and praise him. Knowing that Megan Fox cant really act, her attempts can become entertainment.

This film is the type of film where its just pure entertainment and nothing else. Imagine watching "Power Rangers" or "X-Men" television series but made it nearly 3 hours long. It becomes Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen. Michael Bay knows that, why do you think he added more action then story. The script was weak but I felt it was intended. This is a film not meant for oscars or for film lovers but for anyone who wants to see some robot action with hot girls.

Its not to be hated just becuase you didnt know where you were going into, but loved becuase you fell for it. Transformers would continue to become eye candy and me nor the 3/4 of the audience would ever mind. We would watch it as long as Optimus kicks butt and Bumble Bee has the spotlight. The ultimate summer guilty pleasure and no one can say otherwise.

Disaster Movie

A movie that can be describe by one word, crap.

Matt Lanter plays a Will who dreams of the world going to end if he doesnt find the crystal skull. In the meantime trying to get his girl Amy played by Vanessa Minnillo.

The characters are played by amatuers throughout and nothing much to say about them exept they shouldve done something else.

Disaster movie is a disaster in itself. The title shouldve gave you the impression that it would suck nonetheless. The spoofs are done by many films that are already rotten and have so many pop references it was like watching Madonna and Nick Lachey doing standup. The lines are not funny and the musicals that they use are just gross then it is funny.

Disaster Movie is a film to forget for the rest of your life. By far one of the worst films of 2008 and does not deserve rental success. I would think after "Meet the Spartans" that Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer would stop making these horrible spoof films. Instead they decide to make this atrocity.

Disaster movie is a film enjoyed only if you were drunk, stoned, or legally blind and deaf. Anyone who enjoyed this film without making the requirments didnt really have expectations for that matter. Granted it had maybe one or two funny moments which is hard for me to say. But apparently not enough to cover a near 1 1/2 hour show. This film is so bad, it should make Uwe Boll smile.

Iron Man
Iron Man(2008)

A highly engined superhero movie wih laughs and action to die for.

Robert Downey Jr plays as Tony Stark, a billionare industrialist and master engineer. In a tour for a weopons demonstration in afgahnistan, a assault breaks out and the injured Stark is captured and forced to build a jericho missle. His heart is embedded by a electromagnet to keep shrapnel from killing him. Secretly building a armor instead, he breaks out of the cave and back to the homeland. Knowing his heart is still in place, he creates another suit which he calls iron man. Finding out that Obadiah Stane played by Jeff Bridges was selling arms to both the enemies and allies, he does what he can to save the world.

Robert Downey is always a good choice when making a superhero movie. He's funny and he makes the character a little bit more enjoyable. His charisma shines the screen and everything else is forgotten. Jeff Bridges does a great job playing as a villian with his own style. The cast were all great with applauding performances.

Iron Man is type of film where non comic lovers would enjoy the movie, not becuase it looks cool, but its a great film. It has all the elements of a great film. Good story, twists, action, drama, and what not. It delivers them greatly piece by piece. The CGI was amazing and the last battle sequence was epic.

Iron Man poses as a comic hero but with a purpose. He becomes that idol that we look up to shut down corporate jerks and men with political power. He's the hero in which we want to become but are to scared. This film alone has its purpose, to be a fun filled entertainment not just for the kids but for adults as well. You dont need to be a comic book geek to love this film, you just need to be human. One of the best films of 2008 right next to the Dark Knight. Iron Man is built tough and never backs down from a challenge. Its everything a comic book film should be.

Alone in the Dark

A speechless film with nothing better to do exept to dissapoint.

The story follows paranormal agent Edward Carnby who discovers an artifact in Chile. He is chased down by a unknown suspect who tries to kill him and steal the artifact. He later takes the artifact to his girlfriend Aline Cedrac played by tara Ried. She examines it to find out that its linked to an ancient civilization. They get attacked by a mysterious creature who then gets killed by Commander Burke played by Stephen Dorff. With no true answer and 713 in question, they find themselves in a mine near the orphanage.

The characters are deflated and for the most part you dont really know them. Tara Ried is not believable as a archaeologist and looks stupid trying to. The acting is horrible and thier simple dialogue can be funny at times even if it isnt.

Alone in the dark is by far Uwe Boll's worst film. Compared to other filmmakers, the worst film to ever set in the big screen. Noted that all of his films has some sort of excitment at one point but its not continuously. It has no scares, the suspense is weak, and the action is just plain stupid.

Theres a part where Carnby, Aline, and some 713 agents fire at near nothing with rock music playing the background. Is that suppose to be exciting? No, but it could if was supposed to be a funny scene. Sometimes it doesnt even make sense. Theres another scene where they cant seem to find a way out so they open a door filled with creatures and then suddenly know a way out. They go backwards and find a ladder that reaches to safety, as if wasnt there the first time.

Alone of the Dark isnt a good film by any means. Its not even bad, its plain horrible. Its a tragedy that can never be fixed. The CGI is weak, the story filled with many holes, and characters that are to funny to be true. Skip this abomination of a film and watch Resident Evil or Evil Dead instead. Alone of the Dark is the type of film in which words cannot describe its awfull atmosphere and crappy execution.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

A rather underated film for what its worth.

Seth Rogan plays as Zach and his friend Miri played by Elizabeth Banks are in a mountian of debt. Losing power and water in thier home. Solution? To make a porno.

The characters are well written to be charming and funny in this controversial comedy. I love Zak and Mirir, thier chemistry was something to look at and you would enjoy thier company everytime they stepped on screen.

Its Kevin Smith best film since Clerks. Its clever, funny, and sometimes dumb comedy. It works out to become not another porn movie but a love story with bits of porn. Katie Morgan an actual porn star actually does a great job in this movie. Her charm makes up for amateurish looks. Zak and Miri is not a movie for pleasure or for sexual orientation. Its a movie in which that proves love is not that hard to find as long as you stay true to youself. Most importantly making making friends with a girl is not that bad after all. Its a bust out funny comedy with a bit of porn that finishes out as a heartwarming story between two friends.


One of Bolls better film for what he's done but still mindless crap in the end.

Zack ward plays as a postal dude who gets mocked at a job interview and gets thrown out of the unemployment office. Knowing his obese wife is cheating on him, he decides to leave his dead end town.

The characters are mindless stupid people. With little or no meaning to life. The cast in itself have roles that are unimportant and have no relevance to any true story. The cast is pretty unknown for the audience with most of them doing small roles with most of thier life.

Postal may be Bolls best film but thats not saying much. This film like most of his films are random crap mixed together. As that can be funny to others its rather stupid for me. The audio is bad and the actors are horrible. The mindless action makes this film even more stupid and the countless racial slurs are a setback to the already crappy movie. So with so much crap what is the movie standards? To become the crappiest film the world has ever seen. But it founds it small success becuase of it. Postal is a tiresome political sattire that offers nothing but crap(said that 100 times) and big breasted women.

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

The most crude and rude comedy of all time but its still funny.

John Cho and Kal Penn plays as Harold and Kumar who are taking a trip to Amsterdam because Harold(Cho) wants to see his girlfriend and along the way they see Kumars Ex with a new guy. Kumar(Penn) gets the idea to light a bong in the airplane which cause a old woman to think its a bomb and yell terriost. The two get arrested and questioned only to be ignored because thier so called korean and muslim. They run away and now must find a way to get the feds off thier backs and in the meantime get Kumars girl back.

The characters are just as funny as the first one although they dont always stay true to themselves. Niel Patrick Harris is the new guy and he makes this film a much funnier flcik then the orginal. Rob Corddry plays as Ron Fox the racist fed. He is hilarious in this film and is probably the biggest light in this film. The cast has thier own agenda of funny and give great performances in this bust out comedy.

This film has a lot of laugh out moments featuring the racist fed and guantanamo bay. It pokes fun at the political drama that we live in and the countless stereotypes used. Its funny that way I guess. It has its own one liners that include cockmeat sandwich which possibly can become the new word for oral sex. The amount of strong racism makes it hilarious especially when the parents are questioned by the feds. The film revolves around the strong rude humour and high nudity to make us laugh which works out. Its funnier then it seems if your into rude comedy like I am. Guantanamo Bay is the type of film you would enjoy if your stoned and have no real expectations when watching this type of movie. I guess I didnt.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

A still magical film that presides from the first one but with a new guy.

Ben Barnes plays as Prince Caspien who comes back for revenge agianst his unlce Miraz. With the help of the creatures of Aslan and the Pevensie family. In a epic battle for the throne of Aslan.

Ben Barnes does a decent job potraying prince caspien however in the book the prince is a little different. William Posely, Anna popplewell, Skander Keynes, and Georgie henley all did a great job as they always have. A young and talented cast that features kiddie jokes and mild action. I was most impressed with Sergio Castellito whos an italian actor who portrayed Miraz, the villian in the movie. He was tenacious and hardridden. A perfect example of playing a villian.

This is a family movie so dont expect rude humour and tons of blood. It delevers great special effects and with its young and attractive cast can appeal to the younger generation. The story was set well and ended off great although its sad that Caspien and Susan didnt stay together. Its a magical film about love, revenge, and redemption. Prince Caspien is a great summer movie that dwells into fantasy world in which we can all relate to.

Masters of the Universe 2: Cyborg

Cyborg is a laughable film with screams and martial arts.

Van Damme plays as Fender Tremelo, a slinger who kills pirates. A cyborg retrieves data that would save the world from the plauge. He helps her only to get shot. He moves along to meet a girl called Nady Simmons played by Deborah Richter. She then tags along with himto save the cyborg and possibly save the world.

The characters are uninteresting with weak dialogue. Thier roles are rather clumsy and the numerous henchmen are just zombie like gangsters who scream. Deborah Richter is just horrible in this movie and the only good thing was you got to see her boobs. A cast that was badly written to become tools to Albert Pyun films.

Cyborg is a horrible action flick that relies on Van Dammes action. The lines are hilarious and most of the time, thier just screaming. Whats to like about this film? Well Van Damme as he puts a decent show. This film is a downgrade from "BloodSport" and I question him why he would be in such a movie. Cyborg offers no thrills and actors/actresses that cant say a single line that wouldnt make me laugh. I did enjoy the movie, for being so hilarious. Cyborg should go back into the pass and never come back. Its a cheap version of the Terminator.

The Express
The Express(2008)

The Express is a film that can be enjoyed by both sport lovers and nonsport lovers.

Rob Brown plays as Ernie Davis, a kid who lived with racism as a kid. He soon joins a local football team and became a star. He then gets a invitation to Syracuse to play football. As he accepts, he must the real reality that comes with it.

Rob Brown does a great job as Ernie Davis. His charm and athleticism makes his character believable. Denis Quaid plays as coach Ben Schwartzwalder and does a unbelieavable job as the hard ridden coach who at times feel for Ernie. The overall perfomances were good enough to believe and not laugh at.

The Express has its own soul. It tries to be pale and forgiving. This is more then just a football movie. The characters are resiliant and have emotional ties to eachother. It movie becomes us and how we think. It carries the fundumentals of football and drama. It executes with grief and power. I enjoyed this movie. it was heartwarming, sad, and has great football action. It succeeds in the end becoming a triumphant story about how a man grew to live in a world that hated him and his kind. The Express has its own train of success and will continue to become Ernie Davis fine legacy.

Yes Man
Yes Man(2008)

One of Jims better films that doesnt need his humour to win.

Jim Carrey who plays as a bank employee called Carl Allen. He's been depressed since his divource and his friends are out to help him. How? Well take him to a Yes program. He has to now say Yes everytime someone ask him of something leading to good moments. But will it hurt him in the future?

Jim always will be who he is. The clumsy guy who talks a lot. I did find Zooey Deschanel to be funny and cute. The two have great chemistry and at times can look as they were meant for eachother. Danny Masterson and Bradley Cooper do thier thing which makes this film funnier then it is. The cast was great however the film usually features the two main characters more then anyone else.

This is the one film since Bruce Allmighty that doesnt need Jims charm to succeed. I find it to be very funny throughout. Admit that Jim is funny but this film doesnt neccesarily need him. Its a comedy about luck and kindness. And how far it can go if you say a simple word, YES. Yes Man is the type of film you would enjoy now and then. Its a comedy that relies on words then physical abuse. A picture that isnt perfect but can make you chuckle. Thats exactly what Yes Man is. I enjoyed the hell out of this movie. Yes Man is perfectlly formatted movie with great comedians all around. I can say YES to this film and you must enjoy that MAN whos name is Jim Carrey. He's back and funnier then ever.

Tropic Thunder

Hilarious on all levels but cliched and rude.

Ben Stiller plays as a actor called Tug Speedman whos filming a movie about vietnam. He and other actors are now put to test in the jungle. Little did they know a local group of bandits live in the forest and captures Tug. Leaving the rest of the crew the to go back and save him.

The characters are all funny but Robert Downy Jr maybe went a little to far. He plays as a black guy but in reality he's a austrailian actor. Maybe to far maybe not. But he is still funny. Especially the rifts between him and actual african american Alpa Chino played by Brandon T Jackson. The"black english" used by Robert is hilarious. The fact that all of the cast potrays as other celebritites makes it even more comical. They were well written and all of them had a part to make the audience laugh. P.S Jennifer Love Hewitt does a short cameo. Damn she's hot.

This is my 100th review so I have to make this paragraph special. Tropic Thunder offers huge laughs throughout and should have no reason to not laugh. Unless you hate every cast memeber. This is the type of film that uses sattire in its best form. Unlike recent installments. Tropic thunder offers no tradition but it replaces it with cliches, rude comedy, and laughable characters. Some of the scenes can be controversial no doubt, but even still its a good hardy comedy for most of us to enjoy. The thunder does not come from the tropical rain forest but from the characters in it.


A horror flick that scares well but not enough to beat out its orginal.

Jennifer Carpenter plays as Angela Videl who is a reporter doing a night report on firefighters. She then joins in them for a house call at a aperment complex. They then are quarantined due to a virus outbreak and suffer the nightmares of zombies. The film was shot by a single camera.

The characters are nothing but people who happen to be sealed in a apartment. Jay Hernandez does a great job as well as carpenter. The two had great chemistry and Carpenter did the best scared girl impersonation. Not much on the characters actually with no or little story about them.

Quarantine is just a film made to scare. The tension was there but not as long as people kept dieing left and right. Whats left is that jennifer finds out that the apartment had a bit of history in which we know nothing of. So the film was a little bit corny. Nothing to show for exept zombies eating and mauling people to death. Whats the point of making this? Well ZOMBIES of course. It doesnt go to par to the original. Its just like those asian horror remakes. Exept the original was a hispanic film called "Rec" which was awesome. Quarantine is the one film you would watch once. Its a hit and miss but the reason I gave it a fresh rating was because it did have enough scares to make me enjoy it. A shattered remake with enough jokes and scares to impersonate success.


A movie about men in leather heads dont seem quite attractive but anything with George Clooney should be good right?

George Clooney plays as Jimmy Connelly who is the captian of a stuggling football team. He then has to convince College all star Carter Rutherford played by John Krasinski to join his team. Renee Zellweger plays as Lexie Littleton whos the hot news reporte who becomes the love interest between the two stars. Causing a rift between the two and finally into a rivalry.

The characters are genuinly your old school football players with great pickup lines. George Clooney always does what he does. To be charming and relentlous. I was more impressed by Krasinski. He actually did really well and for a time thought he was a hiesman football player. I dont know he looks like it. He was funny and at the same time belittled Clooney for the most part. Which was odd. Renee did her job to be sexy and seductive but only last so long. The cast was great but they were badly written exept for Krasinski.

Leatherheads is not your "Remember the Titans" or "Friday Night Lights". Its a comedy, but it doesnt work out well. The film wasnt really all that funny. It had a few laughs with Krasinski on screen but thats about it. You almost had to wonder what prompted George Clooney to do this film. Its more about men covered in mud then anythig else really. Leatherheads is the type of film you watch when theres nothing better to do, in my case it was just that.

The Incredible Hulk

A much realer hulk with a tiny soul.

Edward Norton plays as Dr. Bruce Banner who is order by General Thaddeus Ross played by William Hurt to create a supersoldior who would be immune to gamma radiation. The experiement fails and causes Bruce to become the Hulk. Now the General wants him back as a fugitive. He now hides and tries to create a cure.

Edward Norton plays as a believable scientist and at the same time a nerd with anger issues. Liv Tyler has become one of todays most amazing actress and Tim Roth was awesome. The fights between Roth and Norton was epic including the end scene where both of them are hulks. The characters were well written and well described. Becoming a part of us. Detailed to the last piece. Characters that we feel for.

This is a improvement was the original "Hulk" from five years ago. More action and better to say the least. The hulk looks more real and more defined. He actually says HULK SMASH. This hulk becomes a more emotional hulk despite being super strong. His affection for Betty played by Liv Tyler is really something to look at. Its sad and has a powerful notion to it. Basically, never mess with Bety or else. Its a towering film with great special effects and lots of action to go along with it. Hulk is more then just a green body, its everything inside it.

Drillbit Taylor

Owens way of hey I'm back and still no fire.

Owen Wilson plays as Bob taylor who calls himself Drillbit Taylor. He's a homeless guy who bumbs into 2 high school kids who want his guidance and protection because he cliams he's a martial arts expert. Little did they know hes just homeless beggar whos doing it for the money so he can move to Canada.

Owen Wilson does a great job at being trashy, dirty, and a beggar. Is that a good thing? Troy Gentile and Nate Hartley who play the kids are often funny throughout the film and remians a positive. Alex Frost is a young rising star and everybody else are comedian machines engineered by Judd Apatow. A perfectly casted film however the weak script knocks them down a few steps.

Drillbit Taylor is your average comedy that relies on rude coomedy. Im used to it and somewhat enjoy it. But not in this one. It fails to keep laughs simultaneously and spends to much time on brutalities then it does anything else. Its Owen's worst work since "Around the world in 80 days". Its not as funny as "Wedding Crashers" nor has the hype of "You, me, and Dupree". It does have a few cheap laughs but it ends not knowing how it got it. A trashy comedy like Owens character. It has no orginalty, no laugh out load moments, no escapes, and no cheap strikes to get us aroused. Recycle then and recycle now. Drillbit Taylor shouldve been Shitbit Taylor.

The Strangers

A slasher movie that doesnt need a Jason to make this interesting.

Live Tyler plays as Kristen Mckay who is the girlfriend of James Hoyt played by Scott Speedman. They then sleep in the family home near the woods. Only to be interupted by a stranger, who becomes the nightmare of the two along with her strange family of serial killers.

Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman plays a couple with problems. It actually becomes the tension that seperates the two and how it ultimatly decided thier deaths. Liv Tyler does a great job being a scared helpless girl. Why is that? The cast is impressive and theres no argument there. The strangers played by Gemma Ward, Kip Weeks, and Laura Margolis is probably the best way to potray serial killers. Silent and deadly.

The films suspense is great and no one can say otherwise. If people do, enlighten me. The numerous scares and harrasment makes it even more scary. The tension and intense scares is what this film revolves around. Making it a near perfect. It knows how to build, how to associate, and how to execute its motives. To become scary not because a big guy with a machete is after you, but because you never know whats going to happen. Tense enough that you can accidently kill your friend(Spoilers**). The guilt that lies within the victims make themselves aware and constant with thier actions. Its all about the power of persuasion and mind games that destroys the human spirit. When its all over, boom your dead. This is why this film is so great in what it does. It masters itself in the very aspects of scares and human tension that it becomes a hell of a ride. The one reason that keeps me away from a perfect score was the endiing. I never got to know who was the killer.

Pineapple Express

A hilarious film about stoners in trouble.

Seth Rogan plays as Dale Denton whos a Process server. He tries to deliver some drugs to a man named Ted Jones played by Gary Cole only to witness him commit murder. He then runs for his life along with his junkie friend Saul Silver played by Franco Harris.

Seth Rogan is always funny no matter what. Franco Harris was actually belieavable in this film. Never thought he could pull it off. He really did look like a stoned idiot. Danny Mcbride has become hollywoods rising comedian stars and Rosie Perez is funny and tough at the same time. The characters are all funny in thier own way and have thier own little story. Each with its own unique ending.

Pineapple Express sadly enough represents a type of drug. A super strong drug that seemed to make the two main characters high as hell for the remainder of the film. Never thought a movie about people being stoned and having gunfights would actually work but it does and thats the funny part. I ended laughing all the way and couldnt stop. Watching this reminded me of Seth Rogans earlier films like "Knocked Up". It was clever, funny, and had enough crude humour to be hysterical then funny. I dont know, I guess rude comedy has been my guilty pleasure. To say that a movie about stoners would actually work is saying a lot. Who wouldve known? Well I guess Seth Rogan did. A drugged up comedy that can spawn many sequels for years to come.


A hit and miss for a action film about teleporting people.

Hayden Christensen plays as a kid who lives with his alcoholic father since his mother left him. He then learns that he can teleport or "jump" after escaping the prozen river. Only later on to knowing that hes not the only one. And to make things worse, a group called Paladins are out to kill him.

Hayden is just your average actor that gets most of the attention for his looks. Jamie Bell on the other hand did a tremendous job and was much more believable. Samual L Jackson will always be himself as this gritty tough guy who takes no for an answer. A rather talented cast that gives enough for you to follow through. Although not much is described about them you can always take a guess. The only thing you know is that everyone of them have emotional problems of some sort.

Jumper is just your ordinary supernatural movie that depends on action and special effects to past through. The plot holes are just one of the many problems. But view it in the eye candy entertainment area just like Transformers and its not that bad. The action is intense especially when Samuel Jackson is involved. The chases and jumps are mad crazy although the effects can be lackluster at times. Its still an intense ride that glorifies itself enough for it to become actual entertainment. It has its flaws no doubt, but not strong enough to become a valuable threat to the movie. A funky and action packed film that does not dissapoint.


A interesting superhero movie with little feeling and cliched characters.

Will smith plays as Hancock, a man with superhero powers. After causing trouble for the community, he allows himself to be arrested. Being helped by his public relations officer only to find out he is not the only one with super powers.

Will Smith plays a believable hero with bad odor and human problems. Charliz theron, like her a lot. Jason Bateman is to great. The cast had great performances overall but the lack of story makes them roadkill. The funny thing was I felt for Hancock and his child memories are just distraughting. The stiff relation between Will and Charliz is terrefic and the look on Jasons face when he finds out about his wife is priceless. The characters however are rather cliched. Similiar to Spiderman. Will(Tobey)--Charliz(Kristen)---Jason(Franco) exept Jason gets the girl int he end. How many times have we seen the socially inept guy who in the end becomes a public figure. It was to much for me. Tired of seeing the same thing over and over agian.

Hancock is usually just your average superhero movie. You feel isolated within the ties of the 3 characters but it rather unties itself in the end and it feels like they never even met eachother. They go in thier own way, I guess its a proper way to end now a days. Its an interesting movie for the most part but the ending is a drag, and once everything explains itself it becomes roadkill. Its simple, stylish, and has performances that pushes this film to be more than just passable.

The Eye
The Eye(2008)

Yet another failed attempt by Americans to do a asian horror remake.

Jessica Alba plays as a classical violinist who was blind since she was 5. She then is given a pair of eyes through a cornea transplant that belonged to a girl in mexico who was burned in a building. She then has visions and nightmares about the tragedy in which she is determined to find out what cause this and how to solve it.

Jessica's acting is always questionable since "Dark Angel" and the fact that shes into men 30 years older then her makes this review a little bit stranger. The rest of the cast wasnt that great as well. Parker Posey is solid but she alone cannot overshadow the rest of them. Alba tries to hard to be blind that you wished someone would poke her in the eye so she wouldnt have to pretend. Even her screams are horrible. She could learn a little something from Kristen Stewart and Arielle Kebbel. Both who have done asian horror remakes and a good job at that. Jessica till her grave will never be able to become that oscar star actress as long as she tries to be the near same character every time.

The film is a failure in trying to be everything that has been marked by horror films. Theres no suspense and the scares are mild then it is horrifying. Uses the same tactics as "The Ring" and "The Grudge" but it fails even at that. You always have to question american directors every now and then whenever they try to do an asian horror remake. Lacks originalty and a script built on jump scares, mood music, and the acting of Jessica Alba to pass through. Unfortunatly it doesnt succeed. The Eye is not good for the eye nor for the horror genre lovers. Skip it and watch the original instead.


Can it be any worse then "Basic Instinct 2"? Yes

Ewan McGregor plays as a Johnaton McQuary, a auditor with little or no social life. He then meets a lawyer Wyatt Bose played by Hugh Jackman. The two kick off until one day in which their phones are switched. John then gets calls from women who offer him sex. He then gives into a dark realm of sex, lies, and deception.

Hugh Jackman becomes this new guy which is unimpressive. Ewan does a great job in this film however Michelle William sucks. You dont love her, you hate her. Hugh Jackman, I'm sorry but he's not good at these type of movies. Stick to "X-men" jack. It does have an impressive supporting cast, most notably Charlotte Rampling. Racheal Taylor does one scene in which she is hot. This movie doesnt neccesary build on the characters making them irrelevent. At the end you feel like thier just dudes who are messing with eachother and swapping girls. Although a new look for Jack, he fails tremendously for trying to hard.

The movie is near copycat of "Basic Instinct" and uses similiar formulas of "Cruel Intentions" and "Wild Things". It has no originalty, a weak script, and a plot that has been used in many erotic thrillers. The genre is starting to die and probably will never be relived again. You have to wonder what attracted A list actors to be seen in this crap. I feel like Deception decepted me into seeing trash. I dont appreciate this film in any manner. I dont feel sorry for the ending nor do I see that its charming and cute. The true love story in this film is unrealistic. Even for a movie. It baffles me that people can fall in love with eachother in a manner of nights. Tries to hard to become a thriller. Too many twists to become your average thriller. Lacks a strong story to make an interesting thriller. A recycable film that must be burned after veiwing. Kudos to Deception for being worse then "Basic Instinct 2".


Just a ordinary animated film with cute humour and talking animals.

John Travolta plays as bolt, a dog who thinks he has superpowers and is out to protect his owner. One day he chases after a crew member(dressed as a badguy) and ends up trapped in box that sends him to the other side of the country. He must find a way back home along with a stray cat and a obsessive rodent fan.

I like how Bolt tries to act like he's superbad but ends up looking goofy and a waste of breath. The film has its funny moments and the dog vs cat thing is humorous but for how long. It suffers from a unoriginal plot like most disney films. It could learn a thing or two by Pixar. It is still a clever film in its own right. It has a few laughing moments but most of it comes from the hamster voiced by Mark Walton. The one thing I truly hate is that Miley Cirus(property of disney) is horrible in this movie. Her character doesnt mean much to the story exept she owns bolt. No where near WALLE or UP but its decent enough to attract kids and adults alike.

The film is just another attempt by Disney to connect with the kids and to advertise thier merchandise. A forgettable film for the most part and watch Tale of Despereaux instead. It fails for trying to be to cute, having Mily Cirus, and lacks originality.

The Haunting in Connecticut

A film filled with borrowed material and commodities of cheap scares, however it works out. Virginia Madsen plays as a mother whos son has cancer. She then tries to find a home that is closer to the hospitol which happens to haunted and later known as a funeral home. The cast is great, forget about it. The problems comes from the endless cliches in horror flicks. The noises, passing shadows, bedroom scares, and behind the back scares. All of which is so overused we get tired of it. Now admitting the jump scares did get me but not enough to be scared throughout. Horror seems to find itself a hole it cannot dig out. However I did enjoy this film. The mother was great and the son played the best kid with cancer. So instead of a rotten rating, I'm giving what it deserves. The plot moves rather quickly so you dont have to sit out for long. Amanda Crew is pretty, something to look at when your bored. Watching this was like watching a "evil dead" film. Scary but can genuinlly be funny. The ending was perfect and the discoveries were shocking. Imagine living in a place featuring Seances. The true story claims is up for your own debate nevertheless the film is a passable event giving you enough jump scares.

The Tale of Despereaux

A visually stunning film comparable to WALLE and the ordinary storyline just works out fine. Matthew Broderick plays as a mouse who doesnt act like the other mouse and is exiled into the tunnels with the rats. The film has its cheap humour and unimaginavtive storyline but it all works out in the end. Its still a charming film. The cute mouse is something you cannot hate and the story between him and the rat is quite similiar thus no confusion. There are three stories here. The two rodents and the princess. All with thier own emotional awe. However Despereaux story towers over the rest. The cunning execution of the film puts it in the top. Not as good as WALLE but definently better then "BOLT". Its a enchanting and fascinating film for any family experience. Its a mouse with a vigorous heart and fearless of its enemies. Challenges himself to a point where its cute. Its something we should be proud of after viewing this film. Near masterpiece with a few broken glasses that can be fixed. Despereaux's tale is one heck of story. I enjoyed, as will anyone.

Role Models
Role Models(2008)

A hilarious film with huge laughs and a cast whos even funnier. Sean W Scott and Paul Rudd plays as these salesman who gets in trouble and have to deal with 150 hours of community service. They have to become buddies with these two enstranged kids in the Big Brother program. This film is outright funny. The Live action roleplay game is plain hysterical. Bobby J Thompson is the funniest kid alive. The words I have for the film can be endless. Its a smart film surrounding responsibility and common love for others no matter who they are. Christopher Plasse(Mclovin) comes back to be this nerd whos into role playing. He can look to be a sad kid but in his own right, he can kick ass. Ken Jeong is always funny in every movie he's been in and in this one he's top notch. It really doesnt have moral standing but its rude content is just what we need to laugh out through the film. Elizabeth Banks is still pretty with her quirky style and Jane Lynch is ridiclous. One of the most funniest films I've seen in a some time. The ending was funny and "Role Models" became my new model for comedy.

Repo! The Genetic Opera

A cult classic nevertheless for its new style and gothic background. Alexa Vega plays as a sick 17 yr old girl who dreams of the outside world and views her room as a prison. Her father is the repo man who takes human organs if you dont pay your dues. A rather new type of musical that can be entertaining. Its sexy in its own way(cant believe I use that word) and the music is thundering. Although people might not be use to this type of film it will soon find its way to society. The material is fresh and has a impressive cast excluding Paris Hilton. Its not "The Sound of Music" or "Once" but its a musical that has its own originality. The costumes were awesome and the dark background of the film gives this a new cinematic experience. The Repo man is awesome and the countless sexual references is rather interesting. Its not much of a horror film but the gothic musical might have found its way to the mainstream. This will be a great film for years to come and maybe the rest of the world can enjoy it as much as I did.

Punisher: War Zone

A gory action packed film that doesnt require plot or character development. Ray Stevenson plays as the Punisher who is out against a mob boss called Jigsaw who captured a mother and child(rellevent due to the father being accidently killed by him). This is the type of movie that doesnt need flashy dialogue or in depth plot but just jolly good action. The film can look outdated as if we're watching "rambo" or "diehard" but the violence was so good, it overshadowed them. Granted that the amount of violence promted the box office bomb but it can be the type of rental you watch when your girlfriends not home. Its nonetheless a guilty pleasure for action fans. Like "Shoot em up" it doesnt use plot as a strengh but gun fights. I guilty as charged enjoy this film. Not something to look for continously but a once in a lifetime experience to show off your manhood. Warzone has the bullets to put you in it and harsh dialogue for you to suck it up.

Prom Night
Prom Night(2008)

Why do horror films become more predictable and less scary. Brittney Snow plays as a high school girl who has nightmares of her past obsessive stalker who killed her family. Years later at prom, he comes back to haunt her yet agian. The film has numerous plot holes, cheap thrills, predictable events, and needed heavy editing. Horror films lately have becoming annoying and plain stupid. People deserve better then Prom Night. I have never seen the original or heard thier was a film that uses that name. Nevertheless this film still sucks with its borrowed material. The thrills are not scary at all and depends on the music to make it so. The killer is not that intimidating and some of his kils are unoriginal. Maybe get a fork to kill people. Some of the scenes are left out such as numerous unexplained deaths. You had to figure it out but it wouldve been nice if we did. A trashy horror film that needs a recast, new script, and some heavy duty editing.

Max Payne
Max Payne(2008)

A film about revenge but lacks any real style. Mark Wahlberg plays as a NY detective who is obsessed with the murder of his wife which leads him into a group called the Valkyr. Mark did a pretty good job. Most of his critics question his abilities but I say screw them. He did a hell of a job. However this film has a rather stale plot and offkey action sequences involving guns. Also the weak character development of Max(Marks Character). You dont really know much about him and wonder what he really is in the end. The valkyrie images are not that good and in the end, hes just a crazy man whos hallucinating. The twists make this interesting enough but apparently it cant save this film. Max Payne relies to much on special effects and gritty action sequences rather then the raw material.

First Sunday
First Sunday(2008)

A cheap comedy aiming for a few laughs but ends disastrously. Ice Cube plays as a petty criminal who sells shining wheelchairs in which they get arrested after a police chase. He and along with his friend gets community service, in which he is informed that his ex-wife and his son is leaving unless he gets the money, which causes him to steal from a nieghborhood church. The few laughs that you get are from Kat Williams and the scene with Regina Hall. Firs Sunday offers no orginalty and relies on its comedians to punch this film through the wall. Ice Cube is not much of an actor and most of the cast exept Chi Mccbride are rather small time amateurs. I do enjoy the inexperience of the criminals that make the middle of the film passable. However First Sunday suffers from a weak script, plot holes, and a predictable ending(I guess it should). Apparently my First Sunday would be in my church and not this movie.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

For one thing, I stood still for the most part. Keanu Reeves plays as a alien who comes to warn earth thier about to die unless they change thier ways. I have never seen the original so I cant really compare them. But after watching this, I have to admit I did enjoy it for the most part. Granted it takes to long for a movie like this to end but the story was interesting and it teaches us to become a greener society or else. Now not saying aliens would come down and kill us but taking care of earth might be a good thing. Reeves acting has always been in question but he did a good job in this one. He kept his character to a standard alien who has no time for questions and is waiting to execute. The effects are amazing especially the end, it gave me chills. The chemistry between Jennifer Connelly and Jaden Smith was a delight(8 yr olds are so adorable). Noted that the movie can be clumsy and had uneccesary scenes but in its final form, it was good enough for the audience. A strong film noting of our enviroment and at the same time have a little sci-fi action to keep us entertained. A jolly good film that isnt the best but its visuals and story can become a passable event.

Bangkok Dangerous

A dangerous film to see if you hate reality and Nicholas Cage. Nicholas Cage plays as a hitman who is hired by a thai crime lord who offers him contract kills in which he denies one of them which triggers a hunt for him. The stab in the back effect and trust no one is a must have instinct as you cant trust the trialer and you get stabbed in the back after watching this movie. Although the story is good, the bad execution and horrible acting make this a forgettable experience. You dont love any of the characters and they potray Thailand in such a horrible that you no longer want to go there. The action scenes are rather fast and redundant. Nicholas who was one of my favorites has become such a mess lately. His hair doesnt change and his acting abilities are now in question. The pang brothers did a much better job in thier previous installments that this one should be uncredited of thier name. Bangkok is a beautiful city however this films says differently. The only dangerous thing is that you dont walk in Thailand by yourself, dont act like a tourist, and arm yourself with a gun so you dont end up dead. I rather watch "Shoot em Up" then this state of the art crap.


A disaster for a teen film. Anne Hathaway plays as a ordinary high school girl who gets pressured into a hip hop life turned gangster. Although a dark film throughout, the entire thing became nothing but a miss. It was lost in everything it tried to explain exept that you stay away from guys with ponytails. I wanted to enjoy this movie like "Thirteen" but it just didnt work. Its not Anne's best work by any stretch of imagination and it could possibly be her worst next to "Bride Wars" and "Princess diaries". Sorry to say but the only exciting thing was the brief nudity of Hathaway and the countless sterotypes used in this film. A cheap version of its genre that it can be recycled and reused by horrible filmmakers. Havoc became a havoc in it itslef and should be viewed as a disaster of a film that it can never be adapted unless Spielberg was doing it.

The Hottie and the Nottie

A film to laugh at and cry for its existence. Paris Hilton plays as this hot girl who gets asked out by her first grade obsessive friend, only to accept his date only if he finds another date for her ugly friend. A stupid film that requires no brain to tell that this movie sucks. Paris Hilton has to find another hobbie or I'll find her one. The only positive is that its hoping for a positive.

Get Smart
Get Smart(2008)

A film to honor by for the mindless comedians in this movie. Steve Carrel plays as a secret agent who wants to see field work only to welcomed by twists and turns. Steve Carrel keeps this film going for a while but his charm wears off. They have no rebound afterwards and relies on Anne Hathaways looks and Dwayne the rock johnsons charm(of what is left). It is however a passable event and gives you enough jokes to ponder and enjoy for the near 2 hours. The only smart thing they did is to use Steven Carrel as they did.

Death Race
Death Race(2008)

Its raw entertainment but nothing more. Jason Statham plays as an layed off factory worker who is framed for his wifes death. Solution? To participate in one of the deadliest games under the name Frankenstien. The films name sounds cool as the cars. But its not enough to cover up this movie from being guilty bad. Its mindless entertainment with no real story and its Paul W.S Anderson adaption of Cannonball with hot girls.


An american godzilla. Michael stahl david plays as an business man whos moving to tokyo only to get interuppted by something. What do you get with a shaky camera and a guy whos constipated...CLOVERFIELD. It looks like you can vomit from this film but not to soon as this film is an exhilirating ride from begining to end. The cast was average as thier performances but dig that out. The film had numerous moments where you were hoping the guy with the camera was alive. Its shaky premise and extreme intensity gives this film something to look for.

Bedtime Stories

Another Adam Sandler film to connect with the kids. Adam Sandler plays as this handyman at a hotel who later finds out that his nephews bedtime stories comes to life. Its cheesy yes but you have to admit it was better then Adam Sandlers recent films. It has no originality what so ever but has a few cheap laughs to keep you satisfied. Im giving this a fresh review because I enjoyed this film. Not because it was cheesy, because it was cheesy with Adam Sandler. Keri Russel is charming and I guess my focus on her detracted me of the film.

Babylon A.D.
Babylon A.D.(2008)

A film to like and hate. Vin Diesal plays as a mercenary who is ordered to deliver a girl to new york city. I like how Vin is trying out for new genres but the similiar roles are baffling me. You can say whatever negative about this film(script, plot, character..ect..) but you have to admit it was kind of funny. Ok it wasnt that funny but it did deliver decent fight scenes, mostly composing of Michelle Yeoh. Its XxX meets A.I. A died out film that you had to like it for its total crappiness and hate it for its existence. And im giving a 1/10 just because.

Rambo (Rambo IV)

A way over the top film that no one can describe but with terrible words. Sylvester Stallone plays as an vietnam veteran who takes a missionary up north to only have to save them later along with a mercenary group. The action was great but to violent and gruesome. Although i dont blame him since he's trying to exploit Burma. I think he tried to hard on exploiting Burma that he lost track of how to make a proper movie. It seems more action then it is story. But the thing is its not eye candy unlike transformers 2. You have to wonder how far a man will go, for stallone...its endless.


Jet Li's best film since Romeo Must die. Jet Li plays as this bodyguard/pet of a british crime lord who abandons him. He then wanders into a family that teaches him something more then violence, love. Jet Li has given his best performance in a american film ever. The emotional boundaries and gritty fight scenes make this a winner. In what may be Li's redemption for THE ONE, this film takes leaps into becoming a great emotional action movie.

The One
The One(2001)

A movie with not much sense. Jet Li plays as a police officer who escorts a prisoner and along the way sees his clone who is out to kill him. Although you get a sense what the film is in the end, it still messed up. Its matrix and romeo must die combined. Jet Li is shadowed by the special effects so he no longer is valuable. Whats there to love but carla gugino and Delroy Lindo. A action film turned computer game makes this distasteful. The one has become the one to avoid.

The Grudge
The Grudge(2004)

A average scary film that offers a girl with long black hair and nothing else. Sarah Michlle Gellar plays as a caretaker who takes care of a residences in tokyo only to find out that a evil spirit resides in that house. It has scary images and frightening moments but really nothing else. Sarah is impressive and the girl is scary(along with her voice) but nothing more then a cheap version of the blair witch. A decent film to horrify, but lacks anything else to be exciting.

10,000 B.C.
10,000 B.C.(2008)

Visually stunning but weak in everything else. Steven Strait plays as a hunter whos tribe becomes enslaved, he is now on a mission to recruit and help beat the tyrants that took his families. The endless historical inaccuracies makes this film even less to enjoy. I mean mammoths in the desert? Probably trying to be impressive then right. The story was weak, had plot holes that can never be filled unless they added another 30 minutes explaining, and action that is unimmpressive. A nice looking film but with everything else thats accounted for, it becomes rather disspensable.

Sex Drive
Sex Drive(2008)

Although innappropriate in so many ways, its too funny to hate. Josh Zuckerman plays as a high school graduate who finds himself connected to a online girl, after getting an invitation for sex, he does anything he can to get to her. A young talented unknown cast that feels up the screen enough for other stars like seth green to shine. He was hilarious with his stuck up mood but generous for his amish ways. It features funny scenes with to die for dialogue that makes this film better then it sounds. An ending that is cute but also dirty(the word "grandma" was a reference for sex).

American Wedding

A perfect ending to a perfect series. Jason Biggs plays as a now grown up guy who is plaaning to marry his fiance. The film strides to complete the series on a high note. The moments are too funny that we get hernias. The gay bar and the dog poop are some moments that will live in this franchise forever. A sick yet hilarious film about young boys turned men and the great gifts that come from marriages(well as this film proposes it does).

American Pie 2

A sequel thats funnier and sexier I guess. Jason Biggs plays as a now college student whos looking for some fun in the summer. The young and talented cast(Mostly Sean W Scott) give yet another great performance in this hilarious yet redeeming sequel. The moments are funnier, the lines are ruder, and the ending was epic. I guess band camp is the happiest place on earth. The film is like the original with a similar story but with a much darker attempt.

American Pie
American Pie(1999)

A hilarious adaption of high school drama. Jason Biggs plays as a high school student who with his friends promise to get laid before graduation. The film is funny in every way including the title. Its laugh out moments and gross out scenes make us want even more. A true masterpiece on high school life which features Sex and Prom, the very aspects of high school.


A funny ride to europe. Scott Mechlowicz plays as a high school graduate who gets dumped by his girlfriend. A girl name Mieki wants to see him, rejects her because he thought she was a man, now goes on a trip to europe to get her back. A fun silly ride that makes you laugh till it hurts. Granted it has many nude scenes but all of them usually works out. Especially the hot tub one, it reminded me of the "something in your face" jokes. Ignore the story and just enjoy the many setbacks and countless trouble that the group gets. Its a film that makes us laugh and forces us to go to a nude beach.

Underworld: The Rise of the Lycans

A prequel to forget. Rhona Mitra plays as a vampire who is the daughter of Viktor. She starts a relationship with a lychan in which they were thought to be slaves. The film was unneccasary but I guess it wouldnt hurt to know a little more about the fued. I guess this one did hurt. Although it fills the plot holes of the first two, it doesnt bother to fill its own. Why a relationship with a werewolf? Why are humans used in this film? Holes that I guess the next film will explain. If this continues, I dont think I'll watch another Underworld. Only reason to watch is for some werewolf/vampire action. This time with no guns.

Underworld: Evolution

A perfectlly formated film but badly executed. Kate Beckinsale plays as a vampire who now runs from her own after taking in custody of a hybrid lychan. The film has a good story and fills many holes left from the first one. However the bad execution makes us wonder. Nevertheless the film gives steady action and enough blood to entertain us.

X-Men: The Last Stand

The last stand can sometimes be the last stand. Hugh Jackman returns in this sequel where he and his band of mutants must protect the humans from a huge mutant invasion by magneto. The film suffers from weak characters and plot holes. More action then story seems to be a trend in hollywood but true film lovers still equate to the balance. Brett Ratner killed this film in which had great potential to lead of from the second film. Instead he put more mutants and more action to replace his poor judgement. I like Rush Hour but this one despite being a box office hit will have fans of x-men scratching thier heads. However if you do enjoy x-men like I do, you might as well watch it.

X2: X-Men United