A's Review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
I'm going to do you all a favor. If you want a visual experience akin to Transformers 2 without spending 10 dollars on a movie ticket, simply grab a camera, light it on fire, and throw it in a blender. After three hours, remove the footage and enjoy. Oh, and don't forget to splice about thirty minutes of your favorite softcore porn into it (especially the cheesy sexual jokes). And if you have any sound bites of Robin Williams doing his bizarre Hispanic accent, feel free to throw a few minutes of that into the mix. See, it's easy to make your own blockbuster hit, right at home!
I gave Transformers 2 a 50% rating because it's only half a movie. Seems fair to me. In the usual Bay fashion, most of the movie is eye-bursting explosions and nonsensical gunfights, leaving little room for plot, thematic depth, or...well, anything else. In fact, I bet there are more explosions in this movie than lines of dialogue.
"But wait!" says the casual moviegoer, "this movie isn't about plot or acting...it's about explosions and action!" Yes, that's true, I can certainly agree that this movie is not exactly a showcase of brilliant writing or direction. So what about the action?
Frankly, it's terrible. Overdone. Over-dramatic to the point of being quite cheesy. Random dialogue. Unoriginal. Bland. Illogical. I could keep going, but I feel that mere adjectives are not enough to describe how poor the action is in this movie. The biggest problem with the so-called "fight scenes" is that it's impossible to tell what's going on. Really. All of the robots look the same when the camera is shaking wildly and random scraps of metal are flying everywhere. Basically, the action scenes are like car crash footage caught on a camera phone held by someone who's very, very cold. And why do the Autobots and Decepticons continue to wrestle with one another rather than use guns or blades? Bay has done little to correct this common complaint from the first movie. For being action-packed, the action itself is not very impressive.
So how about the rest of the movie? Unfortunately, it goes downhill from here. The acting is decent, but when given a script full of sex jokes and mindless dialogue that doesn't advance the plot in the slightest, it's hard to go places with it. The soundtrack goes something like: Gunshot, Gunshot, Explosion, Gunshot, Transformers Theme Remixed, Gunshot, Explosion, Linkin Park. The editing only exists to make sure the movie has as many explosions as possible.
And the plot, well, that's the biggest problem with this movie. Like so many bad sequels, TF2 essentially ignores the events of the first movie and instead carries on with an entirely new plot with entirely new characters who, as far as I know, were not even a part of the original Transformers series. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's very odd that Bay and his writers would choose to ignore such powerful source material. In retrospect, the movie probably would have been much better if it was an exact remake of one of the old cartoon episodes. Instead, this plot feels sloppy, like it was thrown together at the last minute. Like a lot of the action scenes, the choices the characters make are largely illogical and random. This movie feels like Bay set a strict time requirement on his film and told the writers to come up with something to fill it. In five minutes. Writing with crayons.
There's much more to be said about this movie: the stereotypes in both characters and plot, the unbearable length, the plot holes, the unanswered questions...but I won't bother going into it. If you've been reading up to this point, I shouldn't have to say any more. Save your money. Go with the blender idea. It's probably bound to be more fun.