Aside from the fact that this wasn't loyal to the comic book whatsoever, it's just dumb. Within the first 20 minutes, I'm not going to lie. I actually started to enjoy it. I mean, the cinematography was good, Josh Brolin was dark and looked decent as Jonah, and the action scenes were decent. But the biggest problem of the 30 minutes I enjoyed was the fact that there was no conflict. It was just Jonah Hex going around killing people looking cool while doing it. I swear to god, the second that he brought back that dead guy, I laughed and said ''Fuck this!''
Yeah, at that moment, I set my expectations really really low, and was not dissapointed by the result. I admit, there are some witty times, like when that guy tries to approach Jonah and the guy says : ''Hey what happened to your face?'' and before the guy finishes his sentance, he's thrown back by a gunshot and Jonah says ''What happened to yours'', as if it wasn't even a question, it was just an interjection to be more intense.
The story follows Jonah Hex, obviously. He's played by Josh Brolin, who in my opinion, is actually really well cast. He is a bounty hunter, who kills for money. Those 2 sentences (excluding the one about Josh Brolin) is 30 friggen minutes! Anyway, when the conflict is FINALLY introduced, it's about someone named Quentin Turnbull, who killed Jonahs family while Jonah was watching, tied down. He killed him. Or at least he thought he did, as he finds out later that he is still alive, working on a weapon to destroy a nation. Why? Because he's ''ruthless'' and in a really crappy movie.
As the story progresses, we get a hint of Megan Fox, who only really serves as eye candy. I mean think about it, ''Jeniffers Body'' wouldn't have sold so much if it wasn't for her. Same with Transformers. Still, she only has like 10 minutes of screen time, and to be honest, it was bad.
Also, I didn't like the way that they made this, like all together. You know how in some films they have like this really intense moment, then when you know something else cool is going to happen, the just cut to black then go to another scene to make the audience figure it out for themselves what happened? Well they do that. A lot. In fact, they do this way too much. Half the time, when I think there is something really cool going on, they cut it, but they cut to a long talk scene! What the hell?!!?! I mean if you're going to make it an action movie with talking scenes, at least make the action really cool. Which brings me to my next topic.
The action scenes were actually pretty decent. That's the reason I'm giving this 40% instead of 30 because of them. Of course, they forgot to bring a tripod to the action scenes, just like ''The Expendables'', but to be honest, it wasn't that bad. They were really entertaining, and cool to watch. Like in the opening where he hits his horse, and it jumps, then 2 gatling guns come out and Jonah goes wild on the towns people.
Other than that, it was just really boring. The conflict was really dull, seeing as how the setting was so cool. It takes place during the civil war, just like the comic. That's pretty creative, and since they changed the comic book so much, they should have come up with something a little more interesting. A little orange ball ''bomb'' that can destroy a nation to dust? Really? That's the only reason that Jonah had to fight him?
Oh yeah, and they tried to make it seem artistic too. When Jonah gets shot, he pictures in his head a 1 on 1 battle between him and Quentin. While doing the fight in real life, it cuts in between the fake one too. If Jonah gets shot or something, the dream Jonah gets hit in the stomach by Quentin's cane. If Jonah hits or shoots Quentin, then dream Jonah will hit him back. Who cares? They wasted so much time on character development, but we still don't care. I don't care if Jonah wins! He's an asshole, and any message about standing up for yourself is just terribly drowned out.
This movie pretty much took every single western movie cliche and squeezed it into this movie. You got one liners, you got mono e mono, you have the dark past, and a lot of others that would take me forever to list. If you've read any of my other reviews, I HATE cliches so much. This really ticked me off because within the first 20 minutes there were so many cliches that I wanted to stop it right then and there. It was predictable and boring! I watched this with my father, and he was a big fan of the comic books when he was a kid. He was super pissed off at that.
He was never supernatural, and I'm just wondering what gave them that idea. He is a cowboy. A good fighter, a modest man, and a killer. He was not a friendly person, and he sure as hell could not bring people back from the dead for a short period of time. Dumb asses.
But, yeah, I kind of enjoyed it. It was a really really bad movie, but there are a lot of things that a decent about it. Like the cinematography, it matches whatever tone the film was going for. Also, I don't mind some of the one liners. They were cheesy, but good. Of course, it is dumb, and it isn't worth the watch, but if you're in the mood for a wild time with little to no intelectual value, this might be the movie for you. If you are in the mood for something dark, then this is the movie for you. But don't expect creativity, in the most modest way.
Now, I'm going to end this review with one of my fathers favorite quote from the actual comic book:
'' He was a hero to some, a villain to others...and wherever he rode people spoke his name in whispers. He had no friends, this Jonah Hex, but he did have two companions: one was death itself...the other, the acrid smell of gunsmoke...''